"Robbins!" Owen Hunt called towards the pediatric surgeon.
Arizona — who had been walking in the opposite direction — turned to face him.
He hurried towards her, explaining, "I just got a call about a school bus crash on 8th Street and M.L.K. The paramedics are evacuating the kids right now, but there are some bad injuries. Can you get your team ready and meet the ambulances outside with me?"
Arizona nodded solemnly, noting the trauma surgeon's frazzled demeanor. The crash must have been bad. "I'll get everyone ready," she promised. As awful as she felt, she couldn't help but also feel a little relieved that she and Callie always drove Sofia to school themselves. She felt reassured that her ex-wife surely had gotten their daughter to school safely that morning.
Still, dozens of other sons and daughters hadn't, so Arizona wasted no time. She alerted all the nurses, residents on their Peds rotations, and Alex about the incoming traumas. Then, she and Alex hurried downstairs to wait outside — gloved and gowned up and ready.
"What kinds of injuries are there?" Jackson questioned Owen. "Did you hear anything?"
Owen shook his head. He didn't know. "I'm sure you'll have plenty to do." He whipped around, searching for someone. "Where's Torres?" he demanded. "There are a fair share of broken bones."
Arizona winced. Even having been a surgeon for a decade, it never got easier to see kids in pain. It might be even worse now, she mused, With Sofia being the same age. Motherhood had been a blessing in endless ways but, perhaps most notably, it had worked to make her softer.
And — often — she found vulnerability to be a fault, but not then. Becoming a mother, coupled with experiencing her own trauma, had made her a better, more compassionate doctor. And that was a strength that was surely about to come in handy.
The automatic doors opened, and Callie came rushing outside. "Do we know what school bus it is?!" She searched everyone's faces, waiting for an answer. "Well? Was it the one for Broadview? Thurgood Marshall? Or John Muir?" She needed to know if Sofia was on the bus.
"I don't know," Owen replied honestly.
"Damnit," Callie cursed under her breath.
Arizona turned towards her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Callie," she soothed. "Even if some of Sof's classmates are on the bus, we'll take care of them. Everything will be okay."
Callie shook her head, refusing to meet concerned blue eyes.
"Callie?" Arizona pressed.
"I'm worried about Sofia," Callie confessed, her voice oddly shrill. "I was running late today, so I dropped her off at Rachel's so they could go to school together."
Arizona's eyes widened. "Rachel takes the bus to school."
"I know!" Callie exclaimed. She sighed. "I know."
Arizona felt her heart sprinting in her chest. Her ears began to ring. Her hands were suddenly clammy at the mere possibility of Sofia being in danger.
"It'll be fine, though," Callie vowed, only half-convincingly. "She's probably fine."
Arizona attempted to swallow the sudden lump in her throat. She closed her eyes, centering herself. She had a job to do — they both did — and Sofia was probably fine. Everything would be fine.
Owen looked at her and Callie pointedly. "If Sofia's hurt, you two can stay with her, and I'll page a few residents to help down here."
Callie and Arizona nodded gratefully, both anxious for the ambulances to arrive and for the moment of truth. They stood beside each other, feeling a sense of solidarity between them. The sense of dread, helplessness, and overwhelming fear they were experiencing was something they were going through together.
Finally, three ambulances pulled up, and the paramedics and surgeons began unloading the kids. They got them onto gurneys and into wheelchairs and pushed them into the E.R.
Between all that — chaos turning to order — Callie caught sight of Rachel.
"Rachel?!" she questioned, moving towards the kindergartner. She could do this. She could be a doctor. "Are you okay?"
Biting her lip, the red-haired girl nodded bravely. "We crashed, and it was really scary!"
"I know, sweetie," Callie sympathized. "Your mom will come soon, okay? Where's Sofia?"
"She was crying!" Rachel exclaimed as tears suddenly stung her own green eyes.
"Callie!" she heard someone call from a few yards away. Arizona. "Callie!"
Callie quickly handed Rachel off to an intern, pushing through orderlies and kids to reach her ex-wife, who was hunched over a gurney. Callie came up behind her and finally saw the tiny person she had been searching for. There Sofia was, lying back against the white sheet, her face red and wet with tears, but conscious. She was okay. She was alive.
"What happened?!" Callie worried, turning towards Arizona for answers.
Arizona offered Sofia her hand, smiling as the little girl eagerly took it. She murmured, "I'm so sorry you're in pain, Sof, but we'll make you feel better soon, okay?" She turned back to face Callie, whispering "It looks like a broken collarbone."
Callie felt her heart momentarily stop. Then, it returned to its normal rhythm.
So, it wasn't great. It was one of the worst bone breaks someone could endure. But it could have been so, so much worse.
Owen — appearing out of nowhere — suddenly dropped his hand onto Callie's shoulder. "Let's get everyone inside, okay?"
Callie nodded and, together, she and Arizona wheeled their daughter into the E.R.
Sofia needed surgery, and soon. Though the broken clavicle hadn't ruptured any blood vessels or injured any nerves, it was still one of the most painful breaks one could endure. It was especially hard for a five-year-old, but luckily, Alex had given Sofia ample painkillers to lessen the throbbing pain.
Both Callie and Arizona sat at Sof's bedside, holding her hands and fawning over her in that way that only mothers could, when Alex himself walked in. Dr. Miller — an orthopedic surgeon — and every resident in the program trailed behind him.
"Karev…?" Callie questioned, turning to face her old friend.
"Carson and I are doing the surgery," he clarified boldly, daring either of them to argue.
They didn't. They knew better. Family members couldn't do surgery on one another — even if they were the most qualified for the job. Callie and Arizona knew that they had to put trust in their colleagues, at that moment. It was difficult, but it was necessary, they knew.
"Right." Arizona sighed.
"But," Dr. Carson amended, lifting his finger. "We decided that you can pick the resident you trust most to be in there." He signaled towards the residents, and they awkwardly stepped forward. Penny's eyes remained wide and fixed on Callie. She was desperate to help her ex-girlfriend somehow, but she didn't know how. She didn't even really know Sofia. And what could she do? She and Callie had broken up weeks before.
Callie and Arizona just stared at the young, wide-eyed doctors, silently attempting to come to a decision.
"Pick one," Alex encouraged yet again.
"Um, I-" Callie paused, licking her lips. The truth was that she didn't really trust any of them. Not with her daughter. She trusted Penny the most, though, if she had to choose. "Blake," she finally verbalized.
Arizona eyes shot towards Callie's in disbelief. There was no way in hell she was going to let a woman who had been present for Derek's death help with her daughter's surgery. Perhaps Penny was learning and a better surgeon due to her extensive instruction and tuition at Grey-Sloan, but that wasn't saying much. She was terrible to begin with.
"Oh, no," she argued, refusing to allow her ex-wife to make that choice. Just because Callie was dating the resident did not mean she was the best option. And it wasn't just Callie's choice to make. "I want Edwards," she countered.
The doctors looked at Callie — expecting her to argue — but she didn't. She still deeply cared for her ex-girlfriend, but she also still deeply cared for her ex-wife. And, at that moment, Arizona's feelings were more important.
She nodded, her eyes fixed to Arizona's face. "Okay," she surrendered. "If you want Edwards there, then okay."
Arizona met big brown eyes, feeling confused. Why hadn't Callie put up a fight? Why hadn't she fought for her girlfriend?
Unbeknownst to her, Penny and Callie were no longer dating. They had decided that — despite their connection — they were in different places in their lives. They wanted different things and simply weren't compatible, and it was best to move forward separately.
They had chosen to keep their mutual decision fairly private and to remain friends. It was easy. It was cordial. No gossip and no drama.
It also meant, however, that Arizona didn't know about it.
"Edwards it is," Alex decided. He and his team walked towards the bed to roll Sofia towards O.R. Two. "We've got to take her, now," he told his friends. "You can watch from the gallery, but I promise I'll take good care of her."
Arizona offered her protégé a trusting smile. "I know you will."
Still, she and Callie hurried to the O.R. gallery to watch the surgery for themselves. Just in case.
Arizona paced up and down the tiny room while Callie sat in one of the chairs, attempting to see around her.
"Arizona." She sighed. "Sof will be fine."
"I know." Arizona nodded one too many times. "I know. She'll be fine. Right?"
"Right," Callie concurred. Sofia would be in pain for a few days and would have to heal for a few months, but then she would be fine. Callie trusted Karev — who had learned everything he knew from Arizona — and she trusted Carson, who had been her own student.
Unaffected by Callie's reassurances, Arizona continued pacing, faster and faster. She couldn't believe Sofia had gotten in another car accident. Yet again, she could have died, and Arizona would have been helpless to stop it.
"Arizona," Callie warned, focusing her attention on her ex-wife. "Come here," she urged. "Sit."
Arizona shook her head. What good would sitting do?
"Please?"
At that, Arizona stopped. She turned, meeting Callie's pleading eyes. Callie patted the chair beside her, giving Arizona a hopeful smile. Finally, with a frustrated and, more so, terrified huff, Arizona sat down. Instantly, she felt a shiver run through her at the mere feeling of Callie's body heat beside her own. Somehow, it felt both comforting and alienating. It reminded her that she and Callie were one cohesive unit of parentage — coparents — and also that they were nothing more. Coparents were all they would ever be. She wished they still had a chance to be more. She wished she could reach out and intertwine their hands, but she knew she couldn't. Callie had left, Callie had moved on, Callie had a girlfriend.
The only thing that still bound her and Callie together was Sofia.
Beside her, Callie suddenly felt better. Even sitting beside Arizona seemed to help. That alone made her feel better, and more hopeful, and more complete. She wished she could reach for her milk-white hand — an act that would immediately make her feel better — but she knew she couldn't. She and Arizona were done — Arizona was done with her — and they were just…not compatible anymore. They wanted different things. They were too different.
And she couldn't be the person to hold Arizona back — not anymore. She couldn't be the person that couldn't give Arizona everything she deserved. That was why she had left. Both she and Arizona deserved everything they wanted. And, unfortunately, they hadn't been able to give everything to each other.
Leaving had been the right decision. During their time apart, both she and Arizona had thrived. And to continue thriving individually, she knew that she couldn't reach for the blonde. No matter how much she wanted to.
Arizona exhaled a long, calming breath. "She's going to be fine. Carson knows what he's doing."
"He does," Callie confirmed. "And so does Alex." She watched as Arizona slowly nodded, her eyes fixed on the scene below.
Callie smiled. "He's the best there is. He learned from you."
Arizona turned to face the brunette, surprised by her sweet and giving words.
Callie gave her a shy smile, then turned back to watch the surgery.
Arizona followed suit, her features etched with confusion, but her heartbeat content and slow. More than anything, she wished she could ask Callie to try again — for the last time. She wished she could apologize for every mistake she had ever made. She wished that could be enough. She wished she could promise to love Callie with all her body and soul, for the rest of her life, and for Callie to believe her.
She couldn't, though. She had screwed up far too many times before, and nothing she said would ever be enough. Not anymore.
The surgery went seamlessly. Callie and Arizona hurried to Sofia's room, talking and giggling with her for a few minutes. That is, until the pain medications sunk in and she fell back into blissful sleep.
Callie released a long breath, leaning back in her chair. "Oh, thank god."
Arizona smiled softly. "I know." She was glad Sofia was sleeping. It meant she wasn't in any pain.
Together, they devotedly watched Sofia's calm, sleeping face — each stealing looks at one another when they weren't looking.
Eventually, Callie cleared her throat. "I'm, um. I'm going to get us some food, okay?"
Arizona nodded. "I was hungry this morning but this kind of…took precedence."
"I'll get you something," Callie promised. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
"Thank you."
Once Callie had left, Sofia briefly woke up and started panicking, and Arizona managed to settle her down by crawling into her bed and letting the little girl cuddle up against her as best she could.
She laid contently with her daughter, wishing that that day — and even the past two years — were only a bad dream. She missed the life she had imagined with Callie, and it broke her heart that the brunette had found someone else. It also pleased her because she wanted Callie to be as happy as she possibly could be. Arizona just wished that she could bring Callie that happiness, again.
Across the hall, Callie exited the elevator and headed for Sofia's room with two pasta salads in hand. She stopped, however, when she caught sight of her ex-wife and daughter, snuggled in bed together. Sofia's head was resting against her soft breast, and Arizona's nimble fingers were running through her silky black hair, providing comfort.
The image was so beautiful and sweet that it both mended Callie's heart and broke it. She missed her family. She missed when Arizona had been her family.
But it didn't matter. Missing alone didn't mean anything. Love alone didn't solve their problems. It came down to them wanting different things. Ultimately, they just didn't belong together, it seemed.
And even thinking that thought tore her to pieces, but it was also the truth. Right?
"She's always fought so hard for that child."
Callie whipped her head around, noticing Chief Bailey, who had silently walked up behind her.
She furrowed her brows, her eyes questioning.
Bailey smiled at the sweet scene in front of them. "Did anyone ever tell you about her and Mark's fight after the car crash?"
Callie shook her head. Then, she remembered, "Oh. The one where he called her 'nothing'?" She knew about that. And she and Mark had both taken Arizona aside and told her just how important she was.
"Do you know what happened before that?"
Callie's eyes widened. "No." Neither Mark nor Arizona had told her anything else.
Bailey offered a sympathetic sigh. "It was touch and go with you for a while, and Sloan and Arizona were trying to decide what to do. Sloan wanted to give you the best shot."
"He wanted to…?" Callie couldn't even finish the sentence. Had Mark wanted to abort Sofia? Just the idea was unimaginable.
Bailey nodded, then nodded towards Arizona. "She was terrified that you wouldn't wake up. But she was moreterrified that you would wake up and your baby would be gone. We ended up delivering early, as you know." She smiled at Callie. "And then it was Arizona who kept Sofia alive. But, first, she fought for her to stay in longer. She wanted her — and your — daughter to be healthy and happy. She was a mama before she even knew it."
As the words sunk in, a wistful smile bloomed on Callie's face and she turned back to face Arizona and Sofia, secretly watching them through the wide doorway.
Then, her mood soured as she remembered all the hurtful, insecure words she'd thrown at her ex-wife. She had accused Arizona of "never wanting" Sofia, even when it was so clear how much Arizona loved her. In truth, Arizona had become a mother as soon as she had heard Sofia's heartbeat, and Callie had forgotten that.
For a while, most of her memories had been of the bad stuff, and she hadn't been able to help from hurting and punishing Arizona. Hurt-people hurt people. The quotation was most certainly true about them — both women had hurt each other repeatedly in the wake of their own pain.
Bailey turned to Callie. It had been a rough day, and so she opted to break her general rule and get a little personal. "You ever wish she fought harder for you?"
Callie turned towards her friend, her eyes flashing in surprise. She sighed. "I wish fighting for each other had been enough."
Bailey gave her a poignant smile, squeezing her shoulder and then walking away.
Callie, in turn, walked into Sofia's room, setting both their pasta salads on the table. She met those big blue eyes that tracked her every move as she self-consciously walked towards the bed. She climbed onto it on Sofia's other side, curling her body towards her daughter and ex-wife. She leaned down to kiss the little girl's head — so close to Arizona's body — and couldn't help but inhale Arizona's delicious scent.
Arizona watched her in silence, feeling like the moment was oddly familial. It was almost as if they were curled up in bed, preparing to tell Sof a bedtime story. It was almost as if they were together. As if Callie still loved her — the way she had once.
Sofia stirred, unconsciously affected by Callie's presence. "Mommy?" she mewed.
Callie leaned in again and kissed Sofia's cheek. "Hey. You feel okay?"
Sleepily, Sof nodded. She opened her eyes, surprised to see that Arizona was still there, too.
"Mommy, you're still here."
Arizona offered her a dazzling smile. "I am, sweetie. We both are."
Sofia smiled contently, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep, again.
Callie released a relieved sigh. Feeling infinite tenderness for Arizona — both because she always did and because of what Bailey had said — she offered, "Close call, huh?"
Arizona exhaled a long sigh, equally as relieved. Her eyes implored Sofia's calm, sleeping face. "This girl…" She shook her head in awe. "She's tough. She's strong." She shyly met Callie's eyes. "Just like her mom."
"Like both of us."
They held each other's eyes for a long moment, and then, hesitantly, Arizona reached out to squeeze Callie's hand.
Callie trembled at the warmth, and then — as fast as it had come — it was gone. Far too soon.
Alex was to thank for the interruption. He strode through the door unannounced, and Arizona jerked her hand away.
"Hey, how's Miss Sofia doing?"
"She's good," Arizona whispered, not wanting to wake her.
"I have some good news."
Callie and Arizona waited.
"She's good to go. We're discharging her. You know the drill for aftercare."
"She's…discharged?" Callie questioned. "Now?"
Alex nodded. "The surgery went perfectly, and it's just a collarbone. You're free to take her home." He turned to go.
"I…" Arizona began uneasily. "It's my night with her."
Callie gulped. That was true, she knew. It was Arizona's night, and Callie didn't have the right to ask for anything. Still, the thought of her not being there in case Sofia needed anything was more than a little painful.
"Did you…" Arizona began uneasily. "I mean, I would want to be close to her if it were your night. Do you want to...come over? Just in case?"
Callie's eyes widened. As much as she had hoped for an invitation, she hadn't been expecting one. "You…wouldn't mind?"
Arizona shook her head.
"You want to?"
Callie offered a sweet smile.
"I'd love to."
At Sofia's hopeful suggestion, Arizona ended up ordering a pizza for dinner. Generally, pizza served as a treat-dinner on special occasions, and — though the day had certainly been unlucky — Callie and Arizona also acknowledged that it was special. Sofia could have died, after all. In truth, all the kids could have, but luckily, each and every one was okay.
"He said he'll deliver the pizza in about half an hour," Arizona stated, walking into Sofia's room and hung up the phone.
"Yay! Pizza!" Sofia cheered, getting up and attempting to wrap her good arm around Arizona's legs in a modified hug.
Arizona laughed, and Callie looked up from the Barbies she and Sofia had been playing with to watch the sweet interaction. She offered her ex-wife a genuine smile. "I think you just made her year."
Arizona gave Callie a shy smile in return and leaned down to kiss the top of Sofia's head. "You were so brave today, sweetie," she admired. "We're proud of you."
Sofia grinned at the praise, then suggested, "Come play Barbies with us!"
Arizona made a face and — like a true ally — Callie jumped in to save her. "Sof, I think there's some other stuff we need to do before we can keep playing."
Sofia pouted out her lower lip, and Arizona couldn't help but smile at how much the expression reminded her of Callie's.
"What stuff?" she whined.
"Well, little miss," Arizona countered. "You are in need of a little sponge bath, and I need to change the sheets so that Mommy has somewhere to sleep tonight."
Callie furrowed her eyebrows. "You don't need to make any special arrangements for me. I can just sleep on the couch downstairs."
Arizona shook her head decisively. She had considered that option, and she had decided that the couch was far too uncomfortable. And that wouldn't work, because she wanted Callie to be able to sleep that night. She wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. Evidently, her care and tenderness and need to protect Callie had never quite diminished.
And it never will, she silently added. How could it?
"DeLuca's on-call all night and said we could use his room, so I'll sleep in there. You can have my bed," Arizona informed her. The intern's bed was only a double, while hers was queen-sized. Callie would surely be most comfortable in hers.
Callie's eyes bulged, then she chuckled, "Arizona, you're already doing me a favor by letting me stay here tonight. I'm not going to ask for your bed, too."
"But I'm offering," Arizona countered stubbornly. "I just need to change the sheets…"
"I'll do that," Callie insisted. She met blue eyes, softly teasing, "At least let me do that."
Shuddering at the humor and obvious care in Callie's eyes, Arizona looked down at Sofia, breaking their intense eye contact. "Okay," she surrendered. "Let me go get you some sheets."
After giving Callie two pairs of clean sheets, Arizona locked herself and Sofia in the bathroom, hiding from Callie's curiosity-filled eyes. She exhaled a deep breath. She had moved on. She had dated and had sex with other women. Sure, she had proceeded to realize that wasn't what she really wanted anymore, but still. She wasn't pining. She had accepted her and Callie's fate: that they had to exist apart, rather than together.
But, ultimately, none of those truths changed the fact that love didn't really disappear. More than that, her love for Callie was likely everlasting. And, with that in mind, Arizona hoped that the few minutes away from her ex-wife would help her breathe. If not, she was in trouble.
Callie was happy. She was happy with Penny, and Arizona didn't want to mess that up.
She had no right to mess that up, and doing so would be selfish.
Across the hall, Callie lined DeLuca's bed with clean sheets and then walked towards Arizona's room to do the same. Once she got there, however, she paused. She realized that it was the first time she was seeing Arizona's room. She approached the space carefully, as if it were a sacred church in the Vatican rather than an oversized box that housed the blonde's bed and personal items.
The room wasn't quite what Callie had expected. It was certainly bright — with big windows and white walls — but there were definitely several aspects that were more…what had Arizona once said? "Edgy." For example, her bedspread was dark — with deep purples and reds — and a chrome-framed clock adorned wall opposite it. Callie remembered that she'd had a similar wall-clock when she and Arizona had first started dating.
Still, refusing to let thoughts of the past deter her from her mission, she stripped the sheets and replaced them with those she would sleep on later that evening. As she carried Arizona's worn sheets towards the laundry hamper, she instinctively lifted the pillowcase up to her nose. She inhaled a long breath, reveling in Arizona's homey, warm-cotton scent and committing it to memory once more.
"Callie!" Arizona ducked into the room, and Callie desperately threw the sheets into the hamper, her guilty eyes flashing towards the blonde.
"Yes?" Her voice came out a little too high, and she was sure Arizona noticed. She felt her face burning with embarrassment. God.
She didn't comment on it, though. "Sof is all clean, and I left you a pair of pajamas and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Do you need anything else?"
"No," Callie shook her head, regaining her composure. "Thank you, though. For everything. Really." She smiled gratefully at Arizona, and it pleased her when the blonde responded with one in kind.
Finally, forcefully tearing her gaze away from her ex-wife's face, Arizona hitched her thumb behind her. "Um, Sofia and I were just going to go downstairs and wait for the pizza."
"Right." Callie nodded one too many times. "I'll come, too."
"So," Callie cleared her throat, setting down her pizza slice. "How have you been, lately? I hear you've been dating." She could do this. She could have a normal, friendly conversation with her ex-wife. It couldn't be too hard.
Arizona's eyes shot up towards Callie's face. "Wh-? Who told you that?" A few months before, she had — in all honesty — been a little…promiscuous. And, at first, it had been fun. After a while, though, she realized that she didn't really enjoy it. Before Callie, she had liked one-night stands with women whose names she could never remember. But, then, she had settled down. She had fallen in love. She'd had a daughter, and she had created meaningful relationships.
Dates and hookups with nameless women no longer interested her, as it turned out.
Still, who the hell had told Callie about her recent dating history? She made a mental note to punch them in the face. Or, well, at least in the shoulder.
"DeLuca was on my service the other day," Callie explained. Then, noticing Arizona's lips set into an angry line, she pleaded, "Don't be mad at him. I'm happy for you." She was trying to be, anyway. Arizona deserved to be happy. "It sounds fun. And at least one of us should be having some fun."
Arizona knit her eyebrows together. "Penny's not fun?" she pressed. Always a pushover, she had allowed Sofia to eat her pizza while watching 'Frozen,' "but just this once." Given the subject matter of their conversation, she was grateful that their daughter was in a different room.
"She is," Callie quickly defended. "I just…didn't want to have fun with her anymore."
"You broke up?" When had that happened?
Callie nodded.
"Why?" As far as Arizona knew, Callie and Penny had been together for quite some time, even despite a few short breakups. She had thought that her ex-wife had truly loved the resident, and perhaps even foreseen a future with her. She felt her eyes bulging at the new information.
Callie shrugged. "We weren't compatible. We wanted different things. And, anyway," she added. "I didn't really see a future with her. With you…I always knew. Even before we first said 'I love you,' I thought about us getting married and having kids."
Arizona felt her heartbeat speed up. She gulped. That was something else she hadn't known.
"So you should have fun," Callie lied, her smile slipping. "You deserve it."
"I'm happy just having fun with Sof, these days," Arizona smirked. "I think I'm done having the other kind of fun for a while."
"Are you thinking about becoming a nun?" Callie joked, more than happy to lighten the mood.
"No." Arizona chuckled. "I mean…" She sighed. How could she explain it? "I've changed. You know?"
Callie waited.
"Being with you — loving you — changed me."
Callie felt her heart take off in her chest.
Arizona shrugged helplessly. "Thoughtless sex doesn't make me happy, anymore. That's all."
Callie attempted to hide her smile, feeling oddly relieved to hear Arizona's words. Not oddly, she corrected herself. You know exactly why you feel relieved. In truth, the thought of her ex-wife sleeping with other women still made her sick to her stomach. Even years after their divorce.
Feeling suffocated by the tension of unspoken words that filled the room, Arizona made a move to stand up. "We should probably get her to bed."
"Right!" Callie jumped up, eager to follow. She knew Arizona well, and so she knew about her need for space and time when emotions ran high. Before the divorce, she often had demanded an immediate response from Arizona. In retrospect, however, she knew better.
We'll talk more later, Callie reassured herself.
Callie and Arizona both put Sofia to bed, then headed towards their respective rooms to get ready for sleep themselves.
Arizona stepped out of the bathroom, noticing that her bedroom door was open, her light was off, but Callie was nowhere in sight. Curiosity — and perhaps the odd vibrations she felt swelling in her chest — got the best of her, and Arizona tiptoed downstairs in search of her ex-wife.
She walked towards the low-lighted living room, pausing when she noticed that Callie was sitting on the couch, seemingly waiting for her.
Callie looked up, noticing her ex-wife's reluctant expression. She smiled nervously and held up two mugs. "I made tea," she offered hopefully.
Arizona exhaled a long breath. How was it that Callie always seemed to know just what she needed? She walked towards the couch, sitting beside her ex-wife. She made sure to keep some space between them. "Thank you."
"You gave me your bed," Callie reminded her jovially. "The least I could do was heat up some hot water for tea."
Arizona smiled gratefully, lifting the mug to her lips and tasting the sweet lavender-chamomile tea. It seemed to calm her nerves a little.
"I never should have said you didn't want her."
Sculpted eyebrows knit in confusion at Callie's abrupt statement. Huh? Arizona turned towards her, waiting for answers.
"In therapy," Callie amended, forcing herself to meet Arizona's soulful eyes. "I was cruel. I was wrong."
Arizona nodded softly, remembering Callie's harsh words. "You were wrong. I love Sofia more than…anything." Sofia was the best part of her life. She was her world.
"I know," Callie beamed. "And I knew it then, too. I was just…"
"You were angry," Arizona finished. "We both were. And that anger made us hurt each other."
"Oooh, yeah," Callie remembered. Still, she managed to say the words with some humor in her voice. After all, the pain had subsided. Time had passed, wounds had healed, and she no longer held anything against Arizona.
"Callie?" the blonde began carefully.
"Hmm?"
"Is that why you left?" She had never asked what she had always truly wanted to know. What had been the final straw? The cheating? The surrogacy? When had the woman who had been her wife decided that enough was enough?
"Because we hurt each other?" Callie questioned, needing clarification.
Arizona nodded.
Callie looked thoughtful for a moment. "A little," she confessed. "But, also, I convinced myself that we had different priorities. That, after everything, we had become too different. Everything was just hard. And I didn't want to be the person who held you back from your dreams, or made you feel bad for having them. And I was that person."
That makes sense, Arizona admitted to herself, on the surface. In fact, everything had changed. It had all been hard. And — at the time — Arizona had felt selfish for wanting to do the fetal fellowship.
Callie offered a poignant smile. "You know, I was still in love with you on the night I left that office." She knew saying that might be inappropriate, but it was also the truth. And she wanted to be honest. Somehow, that night felt like one for honesty.
Arizona shyly dimpled. "I was, too," she breathed. A part of her — a big, big part — always would be.
"Arizona," Callie breathed. In that moment, all she could think about was how all the reasons they broke up weren't really reasons, anymore. What space was left between them?
They both were okay on their own. They both had tended to their old wounds, as they faded to scars, and then to nothing at all. And, presently, they both had similar priorities.
Arizona gulped, feeling intense brown eyes on her and hearing Callie's suddenly shallow breathing. The love of her life had just exhaled her name with endless love and desire behind the sound, and Arizona felt her hair stand on end.
Carefully, she brought her eyes up to meet her ex-wife's. "Calliope." Her voice was so haunted and filled with emotion that it almost sounded foreign to her. What sounded familiar, though, was the way Callie's breath hitched at the way she said her name.
Callie felt herself instinctively leaning towards Arizona, her eyes landing on pink lips.
A few inches away, Arizona did the same, leaning in so close that she could feel Callie's breath fall against her lips.
Then, she could feel the warmth radiating off Callie's skin, so close to her own.
Their lips were a hair's breadth away from finally meeting.
Callie felt her stomach doing backflips in anticipation. Arizona felt her heart beating in her ears.
"Wait." Arizona kept from making that final move forward but, to Callie's relief, she didn't pull away, either.
"What?" Callie whispered, using all her willpower not to just capture her ex-wife's lips in a searing kiss. If they were going to be at all physical with each other, she wanted to make sure that they both truly wanted it. She needed to know that Arizona truly wanted her, and that that wouldn't change.
"I messed things up before," Arizona reminded her. "Remember?"
Callie waited. Of course she remembered. She just didn't care. Not anymore. They had both hurt each other. And they had both healed.
"Everything was already so hard, and I made you feel worse." Arizona pulled back. She wanted Callie. God, she wanted Callie more than anything. Not just then. Not just to kiss, but forever.
She couldn't stand the thought of having her momentarily and then losing her again. And, even more than that, she couldn't stand the thought of hurting the woman she loved again. Not in the same way, of course — Arizona knew for certain that she would never, ever, ever cheat on anyone ever again — but in any way at all.
Up until the plane crash, she had loved Callie selflessly — as selflessly as she could, anyway. More than anything, she had wanted a life with her, and — more than anything — Callie had wanted a baby. So Arizona had let her go.
Again, she had let her go rather than dragging her to Africa, because she had known that Callie hadn't truly wanted to go. Callie only had been going for her.
All she had ever wanted was for Callie to be happy and to be able to make Callie happy. And she had endless proof that her ex-wife had felt the same way about her.
But she had messed things up. Callie had already been hurting, and Arizona had made her feel worse. Not only that, but two years had passed since their split. Did they really have the right to try again?
She needed time to think. "I-I'm sorry."
Callie sat back, exhaling a long breath, ignoring the feeling of her fraying heart in her chest. "Don't be," she pleaded. She understood why Arizona was scared, and she couldn't fault her for that.
Arizona sighed, already feeling colder with Callie's body a mere foot away from hers. "We should probably go to sleep. We can…talk more in the morning."
"Right," Callie whispered. Arizona needed more space to think. She could give her that.
They trudged up the stairs, each woman too absorbed in her thoughts to exchange polite pleasantries.
Arizona hid away in the bathroom to wash her face, and Callie checked-in on Sofia, wanting to see Arizona one last time before sleep. When the blonde exited the bathroom and limped towards DeLuca's room, Callie hurried out. She stood in the doorway and watched her ex-wife pull down the sheets of the bed.
"For the record," Callie began.
Arizona looked up, surprised.
"You're not what makes me feel worse," she promised. "You're what makes me feel better."
Arizona just stared at her, wide-eyed and speechless, so Callie took that as her cue to go. "Goodnight." She backed out into the narrow hallway, walking towards the room where she would spend the night. She left the door wide open, not wanting Arizona to think she was closing herself off. She climbed into bed, breathing in the scent of her ex-wife's laundry detergent and lying flat on her back. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep for a while.
An hour later, Arizona was lying in DeLuca's bed, still not even close to sleep. She felt restless. Antsy. She didn't want the night to end. She and Callie had finally been honest with one another, and she worried that the magic might disappear by morning.
It terrified her to try again, and yet, it was all she wanted to do. She wanted Callie and — according to her ex-wife — Callie wanted her, too. And Callie had said that Arizona made her 'feel better.' So what the hell was Arizona doing, lying in an unfamiliar bed instead of talking to the woman she loved?
Drawing in a determined breath, Arizona sat up, expertly donning her prosthesis and then walking across the hallway and towards Callie. She leaned against the doorframe, silently looking at her ex-wife, who was lying like a corpse, with her eyes fixed to the feeling.
Callie felt Arizona's presence, and she knew that the blonde could see that she was awake, but neither woman said anything.
Finally, Arizona offered, "I can't sleep."
Callie sat up, supporting herself by her arms. "Me neither," she admitted.
"About earlier…" Arizona began, taking a brave step into the room. "I don't want you to think I didn't want to." She had wanted to kiss Callie, alright. More than anything.
"It's okay, Arizona," Callie whispered. "You don't have to say something you don't mean." Maybe she had read the signs wrong. Maybe Arizona didn't want her as much as she wanted Arizona.
"I mean it," Arizona swore, eyes wide in surprise. Of course she meant it. How could Callie ever think otherwise? "I always want you."
Callie inhaled sharply. "Yeah," she agreed, her breathing shaky. She always wanted Arizona, too. She had just ignored the feeling until that day and evening.
"But I want a lot more than just to kiss you," Arizona continued, feeling a renewed sense of confidence, as she finally accepted her true feelings. "I want a life together."
Relieved to hear those emotion-filled words, Callie held out one of her hands, beckoning Arizona over. "Come here."
Slowly, the blonde walked towards Callie, silently appreciating how right the brunette looked in her bed. It was just one more thing they were meant to share.
She sat on the edge of the mattress, her eyes never straying from Callie's.
Inches away, Callie implored Arizona's baby blues, searching for any hint of hesitation. When she found none, she told the truth. "I love you."
Arizona beamed at the words she had ached to hear, her eyes filling with happy tears. She brought her hand up to cup Callie's cheek, devotedly running her thumb down smooth caramel skin. "I love you, too."
Small smiles adorning their faces, Callie and Arizona began leaning forward, and — that time — neither woman felt the need to pull away. No uncertainty or fear remained. Only love.
Their lips met, their warm mouths immediately opening, and Arizona whimpered at the feeling of Callie's wet and gentle tongue molding against her own. Callie felt an electric shock jolt through her abdomen at the beautifully arousing sound, moaning in response. She reached for a narrow waist, pulling Arizona closer as milky hands knotted in thick black hair.
Callie's hands began exploring the soft skin under the blonde's t-shirt, needing more contact, and she felt a shaky breath escape Arizona's lips at the tender feeling. "Callie…" she began breathily, both endless love and endless desire evident in her voice.
Callie insistently kept their lips together, smiling into the kiss. She couldn't believe that she and Arizona still managed to have such a magnetic effect over each other, even after so much time apart.
Arizona kissed the brunette back with an insatiable need. She had never wanted Callie so much. And she had never wanted to show her how much she wanted her so much. She sucked a full bottom lip into her mouth, grinning as she felt Callie groan against her pink lips. The erotic sound shot straight down to her bundle of nerves.
Suddenly: "Mommy?"
At the sound of their little girl's voice, Callie and Arizona quickly drew back, momentarily forgetting that the new shift between them was good.
Sofia shuffled in, cradling her teddy bear and dragging her blanket behind her. Even in the low light, Callie and Arizona could see that she was teary-eyed. However, when she saw her moms nearly wrapped around each other on the bed, she smiled. "Are you having a sleepover?" she asked knowingly.
Arizona blushed, but Callie just chuckled. She met Arizona's eyes and reached for her hand, reassuringly squeezing it. "Yes we are, honey. You want to join us?"
Sofia nodded in excitement, her shoulder pain already forgotten. She scampered towards the opposite side of the bed, throwing the blankets over herself. "Come, Mommy," she insisted, patting the space in the middle of the bed.
Callie offered Arizona a teasing smile. "Yeah, 'come, Mommy,'" she endorsed.
Arizona smiled, fearlessly removing her prosthesis, setting it down on the floor, and then moving into the narrow space between Callie and Sofia.
Noticing Sof's big brown eyes fixed on her, Arizona leaned down and kissed her forehead. "'Night, sweetheart."
Callie reached over Arizona, briefly rubbing her hand over Sofia's little belly. "Goodnight, baby," she added.
Sofia closed her eyes, her sleepiness taking over. "'Night, mommies."
A moment later, Arizona laid on her back, her face turned towards Callie.
Callie felt herself smile at the unmistakable, uncontrollable joy in Arizona's expression. "What is it?" she wondered, working hard to keep her voice quiet.
"Nothing," Arizona shrugged, grinning. "I just…I missed you. And I love you. And, now, we're a family again."
Callie beamed in return, leaning down to give the woman she loved a long, lingering kiss. "We are," she promised. Finally. She turned over, lying on her back beside Arizona. She noticed that — in sleep — Sofia had burrowed herself into Arizona's side, and the blonde had wrapped her arm around her.
She found her other arm under the blankets and smiled when Arizona intertwined their fingers.
The blonde closed her eyes, exhaling a contented breath, never having felt so much love. She was exactly where she wanted to be: between the two people she loved infinitely. "I feel like I'm finally home again," she murmured. "Does that make sense?"
"It makes sense," Callie vowed, squeezing the hand that fit perfectly within her own. She closed her eyes, certain that she would sleep better than she had in months. "I love you. And you're my home."
