It was the 20th century and Peter Murray was in town. He was in town to buy food so he can eat and live another day at sea.
On his way home he passed by some kids who pointed and laughed at him because he wasn't wearing a hat. This upset Pete so he decided to teach those bullies a lesson and buy a hat and show that even he could fit in. So he went to Harry Hatsworth's Heavenly Hat Haven.
"Welcome sir," said Harold Hardy and Pete said "yeah hiya". He browsed the hats but none of them suited him so he left. He walked down the street when suddenly he heard Harold shout "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AAAAAAAAAAM!" and then he ran away from the hat store! But he wasn't actually fleeing, he was pursuing! He was chasing PETE!
"You oaf you stole my hat how FUCKING DARE YOU!"
"I di'n't do nothin' like that!" said Pete.
"Tell that to the judge Mr. Murray," said Tobias Gregson and he arrested Pete. Pete unfortunately didn't have money and John Phoenix was in the present so he had to defend himself.
"Court is in session, please welcome the jurors!" said the judge, and juror 1 said "hi," and juror 2 said "hi", and juror 3 said "hi", and juror 4 said "hi" and juror 5 said "hi" and juror 6 said "bonjour."
The prosecutor was Van Zieks and he called Gregson to testify.
"Peter Murray was out robbin' shops and today he stole from Henry Hatsworth he made off with one of his hats and now he's goin' to prison."
"Hold up, boyo!" said Pete (that's his objection). "If I stole a hat then the alarm shoulda gone wee-woo-wee-woo!"
"WOT CODSWALLOP!" shouted Gregson.
"OBJECTION!" shouted Van Zieks in his fancy font. "The hat stolen was not for sale it was the one Harold was wearing!"
"Land's sake man ya didn't tell me that!" Pete was angry and so were the jurors they were angry at Pete for stealing from Henry Hatsworth and they declared him guilty.
"That settles it," said the judge.
"No it doesn't lemme try one of them Summary Examination thingies!" said Pete.
So Pete went to the witness stand and questioned the jury.
"Zee man of the sea, 'e took zee 'at and walked out with it," said juror 6.
"Hold up boyo I couldn'ta done that!" said Pete. "Cause me hands were full with grocery bags!"
"O-OH LA VACHE!" shouted Juror 6. "W-Well zat is not zee problem, monsieur, for you could have just wore it on your 'ead, non?"
"Non!" said Pete. "Cause Harry's hat wouldn't fit on me!"
"Z-Zat is madness!" said juror 6. He picked up the hat and tried to put it on Pete's massive head but it slid off. "Impossique!" he shrieked!
"But then who stole it," said the judge.
"I reckon we can work it out by lookin' for fingerprints!" said Pete.
"OBJECTION!" shouted Van Zieks. "Fingerprints are not allowed as evidence in the 20th century!"
"RATS!" shouted Pete.
The judge swung down his gavel.
"Okay I declare Pete-"
"OBJECTION!" the voice of John Phoenix boomed around the court and he was there next to Pete.
"John Phoenix what is the meaning of this young man?" said the judge.
"The meaning is this: you are not in the 20th century any more!" said John Phoenix and he used his psychic powers to transport the court 100 years into the future.
"Oi this means fingerprints are allowed now!" said Pete. "Da-ha-ha-ha!"
So Ema came and tested the hat for fingerprints and they found the prints of Juror 6 AKA Arsene Lupin!"
"CURSESSSSSSSSSS!" Lupin shouted and with a wave of his cloak he disappeared!
"Thanks fer comin' to help me out at the last second John Phoenix," said Pete and he went home to celebrate a victory dinner with the food he bought this morning!
"Don't eat that Pete it's a hundred years old!" said Pete's sex partner Servius Moran.
"Uuuuugh," Pete got sick.
"NOOOOOO!"
The End!
