The Nerd Versus the P.I. Family
By Steampunk . Chuckster
A/N: Don't think I didn't notice you folks going all out in those reviews. THANK YOU. Keep on keeping on.
Summary: Sarah Walker has uprooted her life, leaving her job with the LAPD and going it alone as a private investigator, all in the hopes it provides her with less dangerous stakes and a schedule she can control so that she can handle her most important job, raising her toddler, a bit easier. But when the single parent thinks her computer might've been targeted by a criminal, she has to request help from the unlikeliest of sources: The Buy More Nerd Herd.
Disclaimer: I do not own CHUCK, I do not own its characters, I am not making money from posting this.
Chuck turned at the sound of a low whistle.
And there stood Carina, her arms crossed, hip cocked, lips pursed. Hence the whistling that broke him away from where he'd been staring down the hallway where Sarah Walker had disappeared carrying her two year old.
The kid was way cuter than he had any right to be.
Chuck cleared his throat and tugged at his jacket. "Hi, Carina. How are you?"
She raised a pretty eyebrow and smirked. "Damn, you are good."
He blinked. "Good?" He looked around in confusion. "H-How do you mean?"
"That little trick you just pulled with the kiddo. Genius. I'm impressed."
"Oh. Yeah, if you think that was anything more than improv and bluster, I've got news for you." He chuckled.
"Well, either way, I think you've got this situation handled. I'm getting out of here before she comes back and yells at me for letting the kid pick up damage on the way to getting ice cream." She made an oops face.
"Doesn't that happen with kids, though? None of us are Barry Allen, ya know? Can't just zip-zap your way over to stop a kid from hurting themselves. And you can't stick a two year old in a protective cocoon and carry them around like a purse, either."
Carina gave him a weirded out look. "I don't know what a Barry Allen is, but the cocoon idea is, uh, a bit weird there, pal."
"Um. Fair." He cleared his throat again and blushed.
"Tell Sar I said goodnight. I've gotta jet." She shrugged into her jean jacket and pulled her braid out of the collar, letting it flop halfway down her back.
"You're not gonna wait for her to put him to bed again? I'm sure she won't actually be mad at you for—"
"No, of course not." Carina snorted. "Usually the kid gets the most bumps and bruises when she's the one who's with him. It's her curse. He is always running and jumping off of stuff whenever it's her around." She shrugged. "But she is the one who lives with him the most, so…" She grabbed her purse and stepped into her boots. "I've actually got a date. That's why I'm running."
Chuck frowned in curiosity, looking at his watch. He didn't want to sound Dad-ish; he was just curious. "A date? Now? At this hour?"
Carina laughed and shook her head. "Oh, honey." She put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "The date you and Sarah are on isn't the same kind of date I'm about to be on." Oh. Welp. He blushed. Then a mischievous look came over her face and he knew he was in trouble. "At least not yet."
She winked, ruffled his hair, blew a kiss, and walked out with a "Toodles!"
Chuck Bartowski was absolutely sure the woman was part sprite. What a troublemaker Sarah's best friend was. And damn it, he liked her. Even though he felt like the ground had been yanked out from under his feet multiple times since he first met her.
She had absolutely been alluding to sex. That was her date she had to rush off to. And Sarah…him and Sarah…this date…
Damn it, Carina.
"Damn it, Carina."
Chuck spun again to see that Sarah had emerged from the hallway, stopping as she realized her friend wasn't in the apartment anymore.
"Oh, hi," was all he was capable of after Carina got that lodged in his head.
She gave him a wide, closed-mouth smile. "Hi." Then she looked around the living room again, glancing into the kitchen, seeing it empty, and turning back to meet his gaze.
"Oh, right. Um. She left. Said she had a date.""A date? At this hour? It's, like, afte—Oh." She dropped her wrist with her watch and rolled her eyes, obviously having put together what he'd put together before. "Have to hand it to her. She knows what she wants and needs and she gets it."
"I absolutely respect that." He clapped his hands together, softly so as not to disturb Max now that he was back asleep, and rubbed them together. "How's Max? Sleeping?"
Sarah smiled at him and tilted her head, closing the distance between them. She reached out and put a hand on his chest, playing with his coat lapel. "He fell asleep quick. Think he tuckered himself out with all that crying."
"Ah. Poor li'l dude."
"Yeah, sometimes he's such a grown-up, it surprises me when he does something a two year old might do. Like crying when he wakes up in the dark alone and nobody comes when he calls." She giggled and then she pushed at his coat, helping him out of it, solidifying the fact that she intended for him to stay for at least a little while. He was perfectly fine with that and he found himself smiling, watching her move to hang it up. "I'm sorry I kind of ditched you by the door. Something happens to a parent when they hear their child crying, like this instinct in your chest to tear everything down between you and your kid, anything you have to do to make them okay again."
"Is that the Mama Bear instinct?" he asked as she approached him again.
"For sure," she giggled. "Poor Carina probably thought she was in trouble when I came in." She sighed. "But nobody knows the tantrums he's had with me."
"Isn't that kind of how it goes, though? The parents always know what kind of tantrum the kid's capable of better than anyone."
Sarah widened her eyes and nodded. "Yes. I only know of maybe one or two meltdowns he's had with Carina, outside of tonight's. And his Grandma and Grandpa never see his bad side, like ever." Rolling her eyes, she backed towards the kitchen and gestured with a flick of her head for him to follow. He did so very willingly, sticking his hands in his pockets. "They think I exaggerate when I talk about how exhausting he can be. Which is kind of exhausting in and of itself."
"I'm sure," he agreed, leaning against the counter as she went to start the coffee pot. She didn't even ask if he wanted it, but he did. And he didn't mind her just making decisions like this for him, he decided. He liked these little gestures signaling her intent to have him stay now that he was here. They felt so natural.
"One time, Max was crying, crying, crying…And I mean those rasping, awful sobs kids get when they're really upset. And I was just trying to get him to put shoes on so we could go to the grocery store. It took me forever, but he grabbed a shoe that didn't go with the one I'd already gotten on him. I didn't get it, right? Just put the other shoe that goes with that one on. They're a pair for a reason. And it got so bad, I called my mom for help. She asked what the problem was. I told her he wanted to wear shoes from two different pairs instead of just the one. And she goes, 'Just let him.' Easy as that." She giggled and shook her head. "I let him. And guess what. Tantrum over. Tears gone. I put that not matching shoe on his other foot and he was grinning and happy, one white sneaker, one blue sneaker." She shrugged.
Chuck grinned. "He knew what he wanted."
"Yep. And stupid me, I was so hung up on what the right thing was—you know, you wear a pair of shoes, the same pair, otherwise it's…weird, it's just not done—that I forgot he was barely two. That stupid crap we learn as we grow up, about what's the right thing and what's just not done, he didn't know any of that. He wanted a white shoe and a blue shoe. And in the grand scheme of things, who cares what people in the grocery store think about Max in his mismatched shoes?" She made a frustrated sound. "Parenting is a learning curve. And I guess an unlearning curve at the same time."
"Unlearning?" He realized what she meant then. "Ah. Oh, I get it. Pushing all of those rules society heaps on us to the side by remembering the little ones don't get that stuff yet, putting yourself in their tiny shoes."
She giggled at him and nodded. "Exactly." Sarah sighed then, pushing the button to brew the coffee. "Carina drives me nuts, though. Falling asleep like that. I mean, of course she fell asleep. She overworks herself. I wish she'd told me she was tired. I might not have made her babysit tonight, and let her actually get some rest for once."
Chuck stepped in a little closer and she seemed to notice, stilling and looking up at him. He tugged nervously at the front of his shirt. "Not really my business but…she is going to what I'm assuming is a booty call date at this hour of the night instead of home to bed, so…that's a decision she's making. I feel like you don't have to feel too much guilt about your part in her tiredness, all that considered." He winced.
She laughed and nodded. "You make a good point there, Chuck. Maybe I'm feeling a little less guilty about asking her to babysit after all."
He wasn't sure if he was imagining her blush or not, but her movements were a little choppy, quick, maybe even nervous. He didn't know why she'd be nervous, but he wanted to make her feel more at ease, so he did what he usually did to make himself feel more at ease.
He ran his mouth.
"You know, they say sex helps with sleep deprivation." He jerked upright, startled by the words that came out of his own mouth. "I mean, Carina going to her booty call might help. With the sleep. I mean, the…sex. It makes you tired 'cause it's—Well, it's exercise. Like, full body exercise, and that gets your limbs to a point where you…are comfortable and then you sleep. Ahem, better. Good for a dreamless sleep, too. Quiets the…um…mind. Brain." His voice drifted off. Then he realized how that sounded as she just stared at him silently, the coffee machine making ridiculous sputtering noises in the silence. "Oh shit, no. Wait. I'm not saying that for a particular…reason. Here. I mean…this. Right here. I'm just trying to justify…I'm sticking up for Carina and her decision. Like, she's probably gonna sleep like a log when she gets home." He groaned and shut his eyes. "I was genuinely just trying to back her up. Why am I like this?"
Sarah giggled and put her fingers under his chin, lifting his head back up to force him to look at her and she grinned. "Because you're insanely cute."
"It's a curse."
"Not for me, it isn't," she said with a chuckle, shaking her head. She smoothed her hand down his chest and grinned harder. "She would be very pleased to know you're sticking up for her, but you don't hafta stick up for her against me."
"No, of course not. I can tell how much you two care about each other. It's like me and my best bud. Morgan, I mean. It's like us. We're like…closer than brothers, me and that guy. So I get it. I mean, we're different than you and Carina, of course." She watched him quietly, her eyes softening, and he missed the extra spark there in the blue, the swirl of want, the way her fingers tightened on the countertop, holding on so tightly her knuckles were going white. He missed all of that, continuing to ramble. "You two didn't bond over Bruce Lee, I'm assuming. Bruce Lee and playing Alien versus Predator with action figures, sometimes with the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles hopping in on the action if he remembered to bring Michelangelo. Because I had the other three, you know, and you can't play TMNT with only three of the boys. They don't do that. They're a team. All four gotta be there. And he'd forget to bring Mikey all the time."
She was giving him an amused look, her eyes meeting his through her eyelashes, and he cleared his throat.
"You two probably bonded over…boy bands?"
"No," she giggled. "Not that."
"Tabletop gaming? No, I'll answer that one on my own," he chuckled as she gave him a weirded out look. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me what you bonded over. I told you about me and Morgan because I'm an oversharer. I overshare so hard. But I don't expect other people to share as much as I do, so don't worry. My point is just that me and Morgan are best buds, super tight, and I see that with you two, you know?"
"I get it," she said, still seeming highly amused. At least she wasn't freaked out by his damn mouth that wouldn't stop. Did he really just spew that crap about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Jesus Christ. "And you're right, we are really close. Besides me, she's Max's favorite person so there's not much she can do wrong with him."
"And with you?" he couldn't help asking, filling the quiet. Her surprised gaze swept up to his, and he continued to miss the white knuckles, her fingers clinging to the countertop. "Sorry," he said, holding up a hand. "I shouldn't have—"
"No. No, it's okay." She smiled good-naturedly. "When you've been friends as long as we've been friends…" Sarah shrugged. "Well, we've both done wrong. And screwed up. And we're fine. Isn't that how it goes?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I think so. As for me and Morgs, I'm still pretty sure he took and either lost or kept my electronic Aladdin game. It was this little handheld…" She narrowed her eyes. "Doesn't matter," Chuck said, swiping his hand through the air. "But I swear he borrowed it and never gave it back and we had a big fight over that. He still hasn't admitted his guilt to this day."
Sarah giggled. "I'm sorry." He just shrugged as if saying What can ya do? and smiled at her. "Honestly, I maybe find myself envying her sometimes. Carina."
"Really?" He pushed away from the counter to stand up straighter.
She nodded. "I love my son more than my own life, and I still think about what my life was like before, when I didn't have a kid to raise. Not that I'd go back to that if I had the chance. Max is the best thing that ever happened to me." He really loved the way she talked about her son, the sincerity in just how much she so very obviously adored the little guy. "But I still feel a little envy. Going off at, like, freaking midnight to have sex with some…probably hot dude who she's deemed a trustworthy partner, no strings attached and whatever. Ugh the freedom of getting to just go places." She hummed and let her head tip back. "So nice."
He chuckled. "I don't blame you. Raising a child isn't easy I'm sure. But you're…Well, I don't know you or Max very well yet, but from what I have seen, you're doing a really, really good job."
She smiled quietly, and he finally saw that extra sparkle in her eyes, and even if he didn't quite know what it was, he saw the swirl of want there too. "Thank you."
"Like, I can say for sure, that kid is going to go places because he's got this insanely strong support system. It's clear. Crystal clear. Even just having you is gonna be…" The sparkle and the swirl got more intense, enough so that he stopped and gaped at her a little, concerned. "What? Did I…?"
Sarah shook her head and murmured, "Okay, I can't."
And in less than a second, she closed the distance, grabbed him with both hands cupping either side of his head, and she kissed him. Hard.
As surprised as he was, he nearly staggered back into the counter, but he slapped a hand down on the marble and caught himself. Then he wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her in tighter, kissing her back.
She dragged her hands into his hair, then kept going, slinging her arms around his shoulders and leaning into him. She pinned him against the counter and kissed him even harder, clinging to him, digging her fingers into his back and fisting his curls with the other hand.
They stayed that way for a few minutes; how many, he couldn't say. He didn't care. It didn't matter. All that mattered was holding her, her lips against his, the soft mewing sound she made as she opened her mouth and their tongues met. Those things mattered a whole lot.
And the way when she broke the kiss for a moment to take a deep breath, he felt her back shift, expand under his palm and his fingers, and she just felt so real and flesh and bone and exciting. He kissed her, this time, swallowing her sighs, feeling the way she shivered against him more acutely than anything.
But he was jolted back down to the real world by the coffee machine beeping. Sarah smiled into the kiss at the way he jumped, and she slowly, gently broke the kiss, their noses still pressed together. She panted out a giggle and pressed another, slower, more intimate kiss to his lips, before pulling back from it and humming, her head lolling to the side so she could press her face into the spot under his jaw.
"Yeah…I do kind of envy Carina her existence sometimes," she said, taking another deep gasping breath and letting it out slowly, making him shiver pleasantly as he felt her cool breath against his chin. But then she pulled back from his neck and looked at him squarely in his face, her nose almost touching his again, and she bit her lip. "But, uh…not right now."
Chuck's face collapsed, and he bit his lip too, humming out a low growl. "Oh, wow, that was a good line."
"You like that?" she giggled, flirtatiously.
"Yeah, I do," he drawled, kissing her again.
This time, though, they both broke the kiss not too long thereafter, breathless, grinning, and at least as far as Chuck was concerned, blissfully happy. God, he just felt so good in her kitchen, in her arms.
It didn't even matter that he wasn't sure why she'd just kissed him like that. She'd kissed him like that and he was soaring far above the clouds.
Sarah pulled her chin back then and shifted her hands to his shoulders, squeezing once before moving them down to teasingly tug on his shirt in both fists, moving him in a little closer. The flirting smirk was gone then, her eyes soft, a little more sober. And she breathed, "Thank you."
He frowned in question. "For what?"
Sarah grinned shyly and looked away, off to the side, before her gaze dropped down to the counter. "That conversation you had with Max. It was extremely kind of you." Her blue eyes finally swept up to his brown ones and she held his gaze steadily.
"Oh." Oh, that was the kiss. Of course. "I-I mean, you're welcome. Of course. But it-it wasn't that big of a d—"
"Don't say it wasn't that big of a deal. It was the sweetest God damn thing I've seen in a bit, Chuck. Bolstering his confidence like that, making him feel less ashamed about crying." Her lips widened into a closed-mouth smile and she sighed. "About turned me into a puddle. You even got Carina melting and that is not easy because her spine is made of steel."
He blushed, chuckling. "That, I believe. But I just…didn't want him to feel embarrassed that I saw him crying. He got scared. He's…he's freakin' two, for God's sake. Like, he's allowed to cry." Chuck furrowed his brow then, something occurring to him. He shifted his grip on her, dragging his hands down to her hips and stroking her under his fingers in a way that made her melt into his chest. "What makes a guy that little, that young I mean, think he should be ashamed of crying. That's, like…big kid stuff."
Sarah gave him a wry look and shook her head. "Part of it is what I said. That he's like a little old man sometimes." He snorted. "All grown-up. But most of it is that he only really has a certain type of man he's subjected to, and that's…" She made a guilty face. "That's my fault, really. With my schedule and my job, he only ever gets exposure to two men: my dad and one of my old coworkers at the station who's sorta like an uncle to him. And while they're very different from each other, they're both…" She wrinkled her nose. "…a certain kind of guy."
"Tough guy?"
"Yeah. Emotions aren't, um…" She shrugged. "…their thing. Max knows he's a boy. He sees those two and knows they're boys. That's probably it."
"Ah." He nodded. "And don't beat yourself up about it. You're a good mom." What he didn't say was that Max's mom was pretty good at guarding her emotions, too. That mask of hers that she pulled out when he least expected it, for reasons he really couldn't figure out. It wasn't just the men in his life, it was probably her, too.
It was unfair, though, so he pushed it out of his mind.
"Thanks," she drawled wryly. "I try. Really hard." Sarah shook her head then, letting him go and patting him on the chest before stepped away to grab mugs for the coffee. "But I still want you to know how absolutely fantastic you were with Max." She sent him an impressed look over her shoulder as she pulled down the mugs from the cupboard. "It was very effective."
Chuckling, he watched her pour, sidling up closer to her again. "Was it? I'm glad. I was hoping it would be."
"I know. It's sweet." She gestured to the mugs of coffee. "Want anything in it?"
"Black's fine. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
She handed him a mug with smile on her face, then picked up her own. "To crying?"
Chuck laughed. "To crying. Long live the tears."
"Hear, hear."
They giggled together and Chuck blew on the coffee a little before taking a careful sip. Something occurred to him then and he frowned, lowering the mug. "You know, I wonder, though…"
"What?" She turned to face him, taking her own careful sip.
"Maybe I should've taken a different tack at the beginning. You know, when I asked if he was okay and he immediately made sure I knew that he wasn't scared. Like it's a bad thing to be scared, you know? And instead of letting him know it's okay to be scared, I played along and said that I knew he wasn't scared." He blinked, concerned as he looked at her. "It's probably not good to reinforce that idea with him, huh? That-That being scared is something to be ashamed of."
Sarah beamed at him and reached out with the hand not clutching her mug to squeeze his wrist. "Don't beat yourself up about it, huh? Look, something I'm still trying to remember now that I'm a mom, as much as I want to be the best mom ever, I'm not always gonna get every single thing right." She winced. "In fact, I'm sure I'm constantly getting things wrong. And I hate it. I wish I could be perfect for him."
Chuck's heart hammered against his ribcage. How her being this good of a parent was so God damn attractive to him, he didn't quite get. A few months ago, he would never have had any of this even remotely close to his radar, let alone on it.
"And I mean, this is new for you. So…it's okay. What you said to him was kind of a home run. All of it. You built that little boy's confidence up in a way few things have before this, so…" She wrinkled her nose. "You're kind of wonderful, Chuck Bartowski. We can tackle the whole being ashamed of fear thing with the two year old at a later date. It's fine."
Chuck grinned. "I'm wonderful?"
"I said kind of. Calm down."
He burst into laughter and smothered it with a hand, aware of the sleeping child just down the hallway.
"It's okay," she giggled a bit manically, leaning into him and squeezing his arm. "He's actually a heavy sleeper, the scared crying fit when we came back aside. He has his moments, but he's mostly really good with sleeping."
"Ah. Good. Good. That's really good."
"Mmmhmmm," she hummed, and then she moved onto her tiptoes to kiss his chin, rather a saucy look on her gorgeous face. "You wanna sit on my couch, drink our coffee, and make out a little?"
Chuck groaned happily, tilting his head back and rolling his eyes to the ceiling, and she giggled again, slipping her hand into his and tugging him out of the kitchen.
}o{
She'd woken up with a smile on her face, and she hadn't been able to wipe it off all morning.
It was still there, just settled on her features as she leaned against the tree and watched Max lift Ben, the older boy's ball from the grass and throw it sloppily in the other boy's direction. He looked back at her with a big grin on his face and she clapped for him, laughing as he let out an excited squeal, giving his arms an adrenalized shake as he ran in circles.
Sarah silently thought about how good it felt to watch him out here, picking things up, surveying them, inspecting pretty rocks, perfectly smooth rocks, knobby sticks, colorful leaves. And the way he stuck his little backside out when he leaned down with his face close to the ground to look at a trail of ants, his little face all scrunched up. Like a baby scientist or something.
But her mood was already at high levels even before they came out to the neighborhood park to meet a few of the other young families that found their way here on certain days.
She knew exactly why her mood was at an all-time high.
Sarah Walker was extremely tired. But she also felt damn good considering she'd only slept maybe three and a half to four hours at the most.
Chuck hadn't actually left her apartment until close to three in the morning, though it wasn't really anyone's fault in particular. True to her word, Sarah had allowed Chuck to drink at least half of his coffee before she folded herself against him and kissed him. The mugs were forgotten on the coffee table, and the make-out had commenced with a certain amount of eagerness from both parties.
And while hands definitely wandered quite a bit—her grin expanded as she relived that particularly enjoyable portion of the night—they'd been on the same page without needing to have any awkward conversations or explanations like they had in his car earlier. Progressing past heavy touches hadn't been in the cards.
They'd just sat there, sipping cold coffee, leaning against each other, so comfortable and content to just be, and then they'd gone back to making out again, until she must have nodded off with her head against his chest. And he must have too.
He must've woken up from dozing once it was close to three, and he gently shook her awake, his lips on the top of her head, telling her he should go. And as much as she wanted him to stay, the couch wasn't as comfortable a place to sleep as all that, especially not in a suit and not in a dress, so she let him go.
But it took him longer than expected to finally get out the door because they stood there kissing again, wrapped up in each other's arms, just enjoying the feeling of one another, the closeness, the intimacy.
She'd wanted to drive him to his car, but before she could offer, she realized there was no fucking way in hell she was leaving Max in here by himself, even if he was sleeping, even if it was for a handful of minutes. He would wake up while she was gone, and it would traumatize him for life. Also, that would be hellishly irresponsible parenting.
So she finally let Chuck go, apologizing for the three blocks he had to walk at this freaking hour of the early morning.
As her mom used to admonish her when she went out with guys in high school and didn't come back until after one, nothing good happens out there after one.
Emma Walker wasn't here to ground her this time, though. She lived in her own apartment and had her own P.I. agency, she was closer to thirty than twenty, and she had a two and a half year old kid. Her parents couldn't say shit to her anymore.
Sarah called out, "I see you, Max. What a kick! Wowwww!" when Max kicked the ball to his new friend and turned again to look and make sure she was watching. But then he tried to kick it a second time and he swung and missed, landing hard on his backside. Sarah winced, waiting to see his reaction. He seemed not to know how to react, himself, just looking down, his little arms out to the side.
Was he going to cry? Did he think he was hurt? She could see it had surprised him…
Oh no…
But then Max, her brave little Max, climbed up from the grass again, squealed, and picked up the ball to lift it over his head and try to throw it. She sighed in relief and watched as it slipped out of Max's fingers before he could throw it, the ball bouncing harmlessly off of his head. The older boy laughed and Max laughed with him.
Sarah giggled and shook her head. "Dork," she muttered under her breath.
"Sarah!"
Turning, she saw one of the other moms who came with her daughter every so often approaching, her hand up in a wave. Sarah smiled and waved back. Even as her insides withered a bit.
"Oh. Hi…" J. It was a J name, wasn't it? Damn it. "Jessie…"
The brunette didn't correct her, so she must've gotten it right. She ushered her daughter who was a year or so older than Max towards the two boys still playing with the ball. "Go find something to do with the boys, honey. I'm right here."
The girl tottered off yelling, "Hi! Hiyeee! Hi!"
And Sarah kept her eye on Max to see how he reacted to a third person. She couldn't get a read on whether he liked Jessie's daughter the last time they'd climbed on the hill behind the playground together. And again, he just gave the girl a blank stare. At least he wasn't outright rude or mean, she supposed, and she'd take what she could get for now. He was still having a hard time figuring out being with people his own age. It worried her sometimes.
"Ugh, it's a relief having these park days, right?" Jessie groused, giving Sarah a teasing, light tap on her arm. "Send them off to play together and get a breather for a second. Darla! Darla, that's not your ball."
Darla had picked up the ball and was full on walking away from the boys with it. She stopped, gave her mom the stink-eye, and reluctantly went back, dropping it between Max and Ben, before sitting down in the grass grumpily, her arms crossed at her chest, her features scrunched up in a scowl.
"I don't know what to do with her. She just has these little moods. Like a teenager." Jessie shook her head. "What do I do when she's actually a teenager? She's going to be so much worse. I'm going to shoot myself."
Sarah gave her a prime What the fuck look. "You don't…say that when she's around, do you?"
Jessie scoffed, laughing. "No, of course not. How are you? How are things with your son? He's the one with the sandy hair, right?" Sarah nodded. "You a working mom?" Sarah nodded again. "Speeecial," the brunette sang, poking Sarah's arm with her pointer finger. "I'm teasing you. I admire you working moms. I mean, being at home, being a stay-at-home mom, I mean, is a job in and of itself. Nobody tells you that they all expect you to cook even more and clean even more when you don't have a job. Like I lounge around all day or something. It's obnoxious." She stopped then, wincing, and she put a hand on Sarah's shoulder this time. "Oh. Sweetie, I'm sorry. I know…I mean, the dad isn't…in the picture. I'm sorry. I don't mean to go on and on about…Brian. And…I'm sorry."
She brushed the other woman's concerns off with a swipe of her hand. "Oh. God no, it's okay. Don't apologize. You can vent." She really preferred she didn't, but she was kind of stuck now. "Max's…biological father isn't something any of us think about. He's not important."
Jessie nodded emphatically, reaching up to fix her glasses on her nose. She tilted her head so her ponytail tilted with it and she gave Sarah a thin, but genuine smile. "You're so right. He's a non-issue. And you're doing so great without him. I mean, look at…Max, is it? He's so sweet. Awwww, look."
Sarah glanced up to see Max handing one of the leaves he threaded through the lace of his shoe to keep to Darla. That was his new thing. When his pockets filled up to his liking, he found other places to stick his collection. And he discovered the laces on his sneakers were perfect for interesting leaves. She smiled. That was an improvement from his usual shyness, staying away from other kids. "That's my guy…"
"See? God, you're so good at this. Do you think you could write a guide book or something for the rest of us?"
Barking out a laugh, she shook her head. "No. I don't think anyone wants to read my parenting guide book."
"Mine would have a whole bunch of fucks and shits," Jessie groused. Sarah laughed sincerely and nodded in agreement. "Slipping stuff into her milk at night to make sure she sleeps and doesn't crawl into bed with me and Brian."
Sarah winced. "Not a good sleeper?"
"Terrible. Brian's getting fed up. And of course he thinks it's my job to get her to stop coming into bed with us." Jessie grumbled, shaking her head. "It's really bad for our sex life, but so was getting married, and so was having a kid." She cracked herself up. "I'm kidding. Somewhat." She laughed again and Sarah smiled politely. She was in too good of a mood to be rude to the other mother. "Having a kid right after college was a choice, though."
"Oh? What'd you study?"
Jessie got quiet for a second, and then she cleared her throat. "Communications. Film studies minor. I was going to be an actress." She beamed at Sarah, holding one hand up by her head in a dramatic pose, pursing her lips. "That didn't happen," she said wistfully. "Life never turns out how you want it to go. Or how you expect it to go. I love my kid, though. She's a stinker but she's mine and she loves me back. Even with the tantrums and the stomping and the messes she makes."
Sarah's smile was real as she nodded. "Weird how they get you so quickly, isn't it?"
"So weird."
The other woman's phone buzzed then and she pulled it out to glance at it. Her eyes went hard for a moment and she sighed.
"…Everything okay?" Sarah asked, because it was the polite thing to do.
"Oh, fine. Just Brian. Listen, we've got to go…"
"Already?" Sarah asked, furrowing her brow.
"Yeah. We were only supposed to be gone for a short walk anyway. But I hope I see you two out here again soon, huh? Maybe we can grab a coffee sometime, just us girls…"
Oh God, how did Sarah answer that? She really didn't want to. She didn't want to be mean, but the woman grated on her nerves. It wasn't stay-at-home moms, Sarah was sure, it was Jessie in particular; she just had nothing to talk about with her, nothing in common except that their kids were around the same age. And there was something about her that made Sarah anxious, a restlessness of some sort that bubbled up here and there. Maybe it was just the overwhelming energy the other woman gave off.
But she didn't have to answer Jessie's invitation, as it turned out, because the brunette was already running over towards the kids.
"Darla! Darla, sweetie, we have to go home…"
"I don't wan'oo!" the almost four year old with brunette ringlets yelled.
"I know, but we have to. We can come again."
"No!"
But Jessie had already lifted Darla off of her feet and was carrying the squirming, angry little girl away. The other mom barely managed a half wave in Sarah's direction before disappearing again, and Sarah shook her head with a low whistle, watching her own child again.
Her life had its hardships. She knew she was overworked, tired, and rundown half the time. She juggled too much the other half of the time. And even though Jessie hadn't done any harm with her remarks, it was true that not having a significant other to share the burden of parenthood with made it all the harder.
She absolutely could handle it. She could and would raise her son on her own. And though it took time, she'd become better at asking the people she trusted for help. So that she could parent Max and have her career at the same time.
She didn't know exactly what it would've been like to have Max's biological parent here, but she still knew that Max having a father would be different from Sarah's parents and Carina stepping in to babysit, helping her with advice, sometimes paying for things for Max at the beginning when she was getting the agency going, et cetera. If Max had a father, she'd have a partner to take half of the load. She'd have a partner to commiserate with at the end of the day, instead of tucking Max into bed, wandering into her room and just sitting there, alone, trying to wind down in the silence and wondering if she was doing any of it wrong.
And sometimes it hurt a little, she couldn't help but admit, if only in her own head.
But she didn't blame Jessie for bringing that up. The woman really was harmless. And anyway, Sarah hardly knew anything about Jessie, or her husband Brian, and still, she got the feeling raising Max alone was leagues better than it would be if she was raising Max with a man like Brian.
Maybe she was being judgmental as she only got snippets of their life together from the rambling of one person in the relationship. But seriously…Yikes.
Sighing, she slowly wandered over to the boys to collect hers, wanting to take him to the other side of the park to watch the ducks in the pond before they went back home for Max's midday nap.
And because she was a glutton for self-punishment, as she and Max walked together along the path, hand in hand, Sarah let herself imagine her free hand clutched in a larger, warm hand. It was crazy to think that way, and she knew it, but after last night and how it all made her insides sing, she let herself think it.
She let herself think about him, even as Max vibrated with excitement over the ducks in the pond. She let herself think about him unbuttoning his sleeve to show her son the scrape on his wrist, the gentle voice he'd used, the goofy faces he made, and the sound of Max's genuine giggle in response.
It wasn't until she was home, an hour later, tiptoeing her way out of Max's room as he napped, that she realized what she'd been letting herself think about all day.
She froze in the hallway.
She blinked at the wall opposite her.
And she breathed out a miserable, "Shit."
A/N: Hopefully the next chapter will be coming soon. Please review! I appreciate them a lot.
-SC
