I. LOSING CONTROL

He stares, baffled, at the calm and sparkling sea that stretches till the horizon.

His spinning head has stopped him to notice it.

He's on a Marleyan warship. In the middle of the ocean. And there's no land in sight.

He's so fucked up.

o*o*o

The tall blonde turns his head slightly to take a look at Levi's reaction. The Captain has a concerned expression painted on his face.

He offers him an apologetic smile.

''I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier. We're going back home. And you're our war prisoner.''

The Captain tears himself away from his contemplation and looks up to meet with his gaze instead.

What the warrior reads in his eyes is helplessness. The small man makes a face which seems to demand ''why are you doing this to me? ''

He takes advantage of his disarray state during which he has let his guard down to grab the knife by the blade with his free hand.

Levi blinks, coming back to himself, and struggles against the Marleyan to keep the upper hand over him.

He's going to throw a punch in his jaw but his opponent sees it coming and blocks it at the right time, emprisoning his fist in his own.

A soldier shouts in his back, alerting his comrades when he catches sight of what's happening. Soon Levi hears quick footsteps and gun triggers being pulled. A dozen soldiers surround them in no time. They keep their distance and stand still though, the blonde stopping them from interfere with a simple glare.

Levi cannot escape. He's trapped. But he doesn't surrender either, too proud. He won't give up without fighting, no matter the cost.

Gritting his teeth, he puts all his strength to push back, directing the knife to his ennemy's throat.

Blood spills along the blade as the Marleyan warrior tightens his grip on it.

For now they're at equal strength.

''Levi... join us.'' A voice arises inside the Captain's head.

Levi's eyes widen when a memory pop ups out of his mind, striking him down.

A different location, a different time, a similar scene yet.

The rain is falling down, washing the blood away. There's fog all around him and the sound of Titans' skin disintegrating behind his back.

Blood spills along the blade as Survey Corps Commander Erwin Smith tightens his grip on it to prevent Levi from killing him.

He's holding his deep wounded and hateful gaze without batting an eyelid. He doesn't fear the ferocious thug he has recruited. His bright blue eyes only shows an Olympian calm and a strong determination.

''Humanity needs you !'' He exclaims with an unwavering conviction.

Levi's heart drops in his stomach and he forgets how to breath for a moment, his eyes focused on the blade which is lacerating the tender skin of the Marleyan's palm the same way it did years ago.

Why? Why does it's happening all over again?

Levi studies his opponent closely. He looks so much like him. But he's not. He's not him... It tears him appart to think so.

The Marleyan stares at him with an intense gaze. He's waiting for him to make his decision.

Kill him or spare him? What you're gonna do little devil?

Levi feels his grips lighten as he puts less pressure.

He can't kill him. He can't.

Or maybe he doesn't want to. His own body refuses to.

He's almost ready to lower his weapon.

''Do it.'' The blonde tells him all of a sudden.

Like he's changed his mind, he brings the blade closer to his throat.

The Ackerman jolts and pulls in one brisk motion his knife by reflex, causing drops of blood to spurt and splash the bridge and their clothes.

Shit-!

The blonde's throat is bleeding too. Levi has cut him by accident, but thankfully not deeply enough to bleed out.

The false Erwin sighs when he sees his shirt stained. But it looks like he's totally unbothered by his wound. He deeply doesn't care.

In fact, it doesn't matter. It's already healing. Quickly. And too fast to be natural.

Levi take a few steps back as he looks in shock the wounds disappear before his eyes. The skin is regenerating. Soon, there's no trace of the lacerations except for the drying blood.

Of fucking course. It makes sense now he doesn't care Levi hurting him.

The bastard is a titanshifter.

The blonde has played with him all along, to figure what he's capable of, and make it a show.

He's so SO fucked up.

''I haven't mention it either, I'm sorry. I should have introduced myself properly. Maybe we should star from the beginning. I'm-''

The dark-haired man takes a quick look behind his back, his free hand hanging tight on the railing. He could jump. He doesn't know how to swim and it's unlikely that he'll reach a coast anyway so he'd drown.

But in the end, does it matter? What does he live for now? He has nothing. His mom, Kenny, Furlan and Isabel, the man who he cared about the most, his beloved one, they all have already left him. He feels empty and awfully alone. Useless.

The Survey Corps Captain is tempted. He'd welcome death like an old friend. After all his fights, surviving through his shitty life, lost so many comrades, he could deserve a rest, right?

The Marleyan warrior has apparently read his mind because he interrupts his speech and tries to get his attention back, making a first step in his direction.

''Levi.'' He calls him.

Levi stares back at him. He glimpses a spark of worry in his icy blue eyes.

''Don't.'' The man requests, voice low and soft but imperious.

Why does his look makes him hesitate again? He could end it now. It would be quick and easy.

Do not obey. He's not him.

''Levi. Please?'' Asks the tall blonde, slowly taking several more steps in his direction, eyes fixed into his.

His heart aches at how his blue, blue eyes, his tone and the way his thick eyebrows furrow together with concern remember him of Erwin's.

You're hallucinating. It's not him.

Those are nonetheless the reasons why he can't jump. He's attracted to him, undeniably, whether he likes it or not.

Damn it.

But being a war prisoner? No way. He will not give satisfaction to the Marleyan to have him at hand to make pressure on his Paradisian peers and-oh shit.

His friends. Yes, he has friends in Paradise. Hange. The 104th. They still need him. They're counting on him. He's dedicated his heart to Erwin and so, by extend, to them. He cannot let them down. He doesn't have this right. Captain Levi needs to go home, fight for them, keep them safe and help them win the war, even maybe.

''Stop. Don't come any closer.'' He tells the warrior, threatening him with his knife brandished, wagging it in front of the other's nose.

Too late. The blonde, now that he's close enough, seizes his armed hand and grabs him by his chest straps. Levi is pulled abruptly upward against the man's massive chest. His feet barely touch the floor.

''Drop it.'' The Marleyan instructs drily.

He has recovered his authoritarian tone and cold icy look.

Levi hisses.

He knows he can't win this fight. If everything goes as the same as the first time he met his Erwin he'll have to be smart and patient. He must wait the right opportunity to strike and make his escape.

He must survive, for them. For the fallen and the living.

He closes his eyes tightly in order to push back the memories trying to overwhelm him.

''Drop. It.''

The Ackerman squints and clinches his jaw but ends up doing so. The knife slowly slides from his palm when he opens it. It falls on the hard floor with a metallic tinkling sound.

He's rewarded by a satisfied look.

''Good boy.''

As the Marleyan let go, a soldier darts on him, the hilt of his rifle first.

Levi is not quick enough to avoid the hit which knocks him hard in the back of his head.

The pain burst behind his skull, causing him to fall forward at the blonde's feet. his knees and forearms hit the bridge pretty hard. He can see stars and has to flutter shut his eyes and clench his jaw to restrain himself from groaning of pain.

''Who has ordered you to intervene?''

The voice of the warrior is dangerously low. The temperature has dropped by two degrees at least and the soldiers have stopped breathing.

''I jus-ugh!''

Levi manages to raise his head just in time to glimpse the warrior catch the soldier by the neck and lift him like he weighs nothing, using only one arm.

De facto, he's so strong he doesn't need to put much strength when he throws the man overboard.

Levi hears the soldier scream followed by a splashing noise when he hits the water.

No one dares to make a move, even to save the poor bastard who's drowning.

Because they fear their warrior.

Indeed, when the latter turns to face them, their face turn white.

''At ease soldiers. Haven't I made myself clear earlier? I don't need your help. I have the little devil under control. So go back to your post. You have your own injured comrades to take care of, I believe.''

They jolts and hasten to obey without discuting. When there are only the two of them left, The Marleyan turns his attention back on his prisoner.

''Now, now, my dear Captain. You'll follow me willingly this time. You'll make things easier for everyone. Including you.''

He offers him his hand to help him stand up.

Levi feels humiliated. He craves to give the blonde a salty reply but he's too busy struggling against the throbbing pain in his head right now. Breath wheezing, he manages to get to his feet on his own with a great effort, wilfully ignoring his hand. And if it offends the other man, he doesn't give a shit.

He makes his best to stand straight in front of the man but the second he does, he feels his legs give way under him and his vision darkens. The adrenalin has long gone now, and his body has reached its limits for today.

The blonde catches him just in time, his strong arm closing around his waist.

The last thing Levi feels before passing out is the sensation of being lifted off the ground and taken away somewhere.


II. BETWEEN HELL AND PARADISE.

Big warm fingers rummage through his hair. Levi grumbles lightly. The hand withdraws.

''Sorry.'' Softly apologies the voice in a whisper. ''You don't like it?''

Levi shifts uncomfortably under Erwin's cape he's using as a blanket. He opens his eyes and look at the firecamp flames dancing before his steely grey eyes, brows furrowed.

He's lying on his left side on the cold floor of a ruined building but his head is resting on Erwin's thigh, using it as a pillow. It's lightly warmer and more comfortable like that.

He sighs.

''No.'' He replies in a breath.

No one has ever touched him like that before. Except his mother maybe. He can't remember. The truth is that he hasn't allowed anyone to get close enough to him to do so. He isn't this kiss-and-cuddle kind of person. And he doesn't want filthy people to touch him so he keeps his distance or slashes fingers which dare to touch him. Only Furlan and Isabel had the privilege to be tactile with him.

But it's Erwin.

Erwin isn't filthy. Erwin is his Commander and his best friend. And Erwin has big, warm and soft hands. He doesn't know why he thought he would despise having someone play with his hair this way. Because right now, it's quite the opposite. How could he has known that those hands used to kill could be so affectionate anyway? The sensations he has felt a minute ago were so promising... He'd liked to value how pleasant it is. Terribly liked it.

''It feels...good actually.'' He admits shyly.

It seems Erwin has picked up the message because his fingers are back in his hair in no time, slipping them slowly between the black strands in order to gently scratch his head.

''You're so tensed.'' Erwin points out.

''We're outside the Walls. Surrounded by fat starved Titans. In a dusty abandoned building.'' His Captain reminds him flatly with a wrinkled nose.

Erwin takes a look around while listening carefully. It's a really quiet night. What he only hears is the crackles of the firecamp, his soldiers' light snores and the smooth footsteps of the patrol above their heads on the roof.

''Well, we're secure for the night being. So don't worry about the Titans and try to sleep a little.''

''Like I could.''

''I know... I'm here. I'll watch over you.'' His Commander kindly whispers.

The sensation of Erwin's fingers massaging his scalp is so good it makes him sigh in relief.

Erwin smiles lightly when he feels Levi leans in his touch to seek more frictions.

Levi melts under his treatment. Trusting his Commander and feeling safe by his sides, he doesn't remember falling asleep for some precious minutes, hours maybe.

Big, warm fingers rummage through his hair roughly and it feels good, yet a bit painful.

But then, the hand disappears, leaving him cold.

Levi groans and force himself to return to consciousness by cracking an eye open.

He finds himself lying on his side, on a bunk bed.

What the hell...?

He feels dizzy, the blood pounding in his temple, his vision blurred, muscles protesting.

He tries to refocuses to study the room where he is. It's quite impersonal. a single iron bunk with a thin mattress, a nightstand, cold steely walls, no ornament. Nothing he recognizes.

He catches movements in the corner of his eyes and turns his gaze to follow it.

His eyes fall on a shirtless tall blonde man, his back at him. He can sees the muscles of his broad shoulders roll under his skin as he puts on a clean white shirt.

Levi rises on his elbow, his Commander's name on his lips but stumbles, both wrist stuck in his back. He looks over his shoulder to discover he's tied by handcuffs chained to one of the bed's foot.

The tinkling noises has reached the man's ears because he turns around, and greets him with a surprised tone.

''Oh. You're already awake. You were only gone for a few minutes.''

Levi quickly looks up to meet with a familiar face. His heart makes a stop as he recovers abruptly his memory.

Fuck. It wasn't just a nightmare. He's going to Marley. On a godamn warship. With Erwin's lookalike.

''You have a pretty hard head.'' The Marleyan warrior points out.

Levi struggles to straighten up and sit on the bunk while watching the man walks towards him with a wary look.

Since he's restrained in his movements and cannot stand up he's obliged to look up to properly keep staring at him when the tall blonde stops to stand right next to him.

The Marleyan places a glass of water and a plate on the nightstand before scanning him with piercing blue eyes.

''It's gonna be painful for a day or two but it seems you have no trauma.'' He tells him while slipping a hand towards his hair.

Levi's head wards off to avoid contact the moment the palm brushes his ear.

So he was the one rummaging through his hair. It wasn't only a dream, the false Erwin has manipulated his head in order to examine it and see how bad he was injured.

''Try again and I bite your hand off.'' He warns angrily.

He clenches his fists and yanks his trapped hands to make himself clear. His body screams in pain but he ignores it for the time being.

''How impetious.''

The blonde retrieves his hand, letting it fall back along his body. Then he catches a chair and drags it closer to the bed before taking a sit in front of his prisoner. Levi follows the movements of his hand when he slips it in his pocket, takes out an apple and starts to peel the fruit. Using his knife.

He has cleaned the blade, as the dried blood on his neck, yet Levi spots a few tiny drops of blood splatters that still remain under his chin and on his collarbone.

''Too bad I heal, uh?''

''As long as it's painful.''

The blonde smiles while cutting a slice of his apple. He offers it to the dark-haired man but the latter wrinkles his nose and recoils, refusing it. He shrugs, eat the slice. Levi's stomach twists to be neglected.

''That's why you're tied for now, Captain. You're a wild one. Don't they teach you manners on your island? Come on, be docile and maybe I'll reconsider removing your chains...'' He offers.

''You wished.''

''Oh but I like a little challenge. Maybe I should teach you how to well behave?''

His voice is warm, full of promises. He cuts slices, puts them in a plate on the nightstand.

Levi chews on his inside jaw while lowering his chin. For now he prefers to not answer by remaining quiet.

His abductor catches sight anyway of the defiance look he gives him under his brows.

He still is acrimonious even though he's weak and injured.

Interesting.

Satisfied anyway, the blonde leans back in his chair, chewing on apple slice.

''So now we're in good condition. Shall we present ourself decently? I'll repeat my question only once before losing patience... What's your name?''

''You already know my name. Why ask?''

''I just want us to get to know each other, it's that simple.''

He leans forward, closer.

''After all... You trully are fascinating Captain...'' He whispers.

''Stop fucking with me asshole. We're not here to befriend or develop a bound you and I. You're a monster.'' Levi furiously spits.

He can't helped himself, his nerves are on the edge. The throbbing headache is becoming more and more unbearable. He's tired. Tired to play the Marleyan's sick game. He wants him to stop talking and to leave him alone.

He-... He doesn't want to deal with Erwin's evil doopelganger anymore. It's... too much to process. To painful.

Please, go away.

The man sighs.

''Fine.''

He puts the knife back in his pocket before he sharply grabs one of his legs and squeezes it between his fingers.

Levi jumps and stirs, folding up his leg to free it.

''Oï! What the hell you think you're doing?! Get your filthy paws off me!'' He yells, upset.

The Marleyan gives him a dark look and tugs on his leg.

Levi's fist are clenched and his muscles tensed but he restrains himself from beating the shit out of him with the little sparkles of energy he's left. It would be useless since he has to deal with a titanshifter and he's too weak, clearly struggling to keep his eyes opened.

''Calm down, I just want to make sure you don't have any other injuries...or sharp objects hidden on you... I don't want you to stain or rip up my clothes twice in the same day.''

He slides his hands up, along his thighs, then on his hips and his ribs. Levi's breath is tremulous from rage.

''At least not in this way...'' The blonde lowly adds with a smirk.

''Tch- what nonsense you're mumbli-''

There's a knock on the door.

''Smith, sir?'' A muffled voice comes through the door.

''What?'' Asks the tall blonde, raising his voice to be heard.

''We need you on the bridge, sir. A storm is coming.''

''I'll be right there in a moment.'' He replies before picking-up the keys to free only one of the prisoner's hand.

''Make yourself at ease Captain, and eat. It will be a long journey to reach Marley. We'll talk when you'll be in a better state...and mood.''

He stoods, pushes back the chair and gives his prisoner one last look before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

Levi's body eases up, freeing the accumulated tension off his body and falls down on the bunk bed.

The farther this bastard is, the better.


III. THROUGH GRIEF

The door closes.

Levi lets his chin fall to his chest and his shoulders slump. He sighs heavily. he's exhausted and his head as his heart hurt like hell.

He looks trully wretched right now. He has never felt as weak as today.

He needs to collect his thoughts and gather some strentgh back otherwise... Otherwise he won't be able to stand without flinching the next time he has to look into the tall blonde Marleyan's eyes.

Maybe he's going crazy.

Maybe he has hurt his head so bad his mind is messing with him. Inventing some disturbing and insane hallucinations.

Because he couldn't seriously have heard the Marleyan soldier call the blonde Smith earlier, right?!

He must have misheard. It was only what he's wanted to hear. Nothing else. Or-

Or it's a pure coincidence.

How ironic.

Life is a bitch. If it wanted to make a mess of him, well congrats, it has finally winned. Someone, up there, must be laughing cruelly at him... Making a hell of his pity life by killing his beloved one, then torturing him with another Smith, a Marleyan titanshifter one above all. Because how is he supposed to grieve when the man sounds, walks and looks exactly like him? And then what? He'll kill him and another Smith will take his place? Doing an endless circle until he can't bear it anymore? Is his life a joke?

You can only blame yourself, he thinks, bitterly.

It's him who took the decision. He was the one killing Erwin. He feels his heart shatter into a million pieces remembering this day, back in Shiganshina and then on his grave where he has left white lilies. He remembers calling him in his sleep : Please, come back, even as a shadow, even as a ghost.

He wasn't prepared for that though... It's what he has gotten for taking this cursed decision.

It looks like even death can't do them apart, in a foolish way.

Wanting Erwin is hard to forget. Loving him is hard to regret. Losing him is hard to accept as it's like having a hole shot straight through Levi, a painful, constant reminder, an absence he could never fill. But letting go... is the most hard thing he's trying to do. And he was doing well -well in a way he was still alive and struggling for Erwin's convictions- before he met the Marleyan Smith, turning all his efforts to dust.

Exhausted, he lies down and tries to sleep a little bit but not too long though, by fear of dreaming of him and waking up alone and not being able to contain the sorrow which tries to smother him every time he breathes in.

He feels sick. Sea sick. Homesick too.

He's thirsty and hungry. But he can't take a single bit of what the man has given him, his stomach too knotted because of the ship's oscillations.

It's worst in the early hours of the night, when they navigate through the storm. Waves come crashing at full force against the hull which emits eery squeaks.

But when the sea calms down, everything goes quiet and his headeache no longer killing him, he takes the time to think clearly.

It seems so fucking unreal. But here he is, having an emotional breakdown. Among the Marleyan. Behind ennemy line, Beyond the deep Ocean. Under Smith's control.

Whatever. coincidence or not, the stranger is an imposter. He must hold on. He must fight. Like he always does.

He swears to himself.

He can be beaten, broken and defeated. But he will never bent.

Levi's damned soul is unbowed.