Elliot had not realized how dark the hull of the ship would be at night, and Willory the butler was not the type of guy to waste precious lantern oil to let him have a nightlight. With little recourse, Elliot hauled up his hammock to the ship's deck and bunkered there.

"How good of you to keep the first watch, Elliot!" Princess Eloise applauded him innocently before she retired to her cabin. "Be sure to get someone to relieve you in the night so that you can get plenty of rest."

"Aye, aye, Princess," Elliot smiled weakly.

He was too embarrassed to admit to the little girl he hadn't thought about nightwatch duties; that was the sort of thing heroes were supposed to remember, and the princess genuinely thought he and his friends were heroes.

As everyone else went to bed, Elliot reluctantly took the helm. Fortunately, since Elliot was performing a ship-related duty, Willory didn't begrudge him a single lantern to keep him company through the next few hours.

He drew in a breath. "All part of hero work. All part of hero work…"

It had been much easier to talk about hero work in the daylight, when their mission had simply been to "sail around" and find Eloise's big brother. Now, their mission was to find some island that wasn't on any map — which ought to be even easier, since Elliot and his friends were sure they would never find it — but a full day of pretending to be a hero in a strange land and time was starting to take its toll, and that was before you threw in their encounter with pirates and finding out what Robert the Terrible could do to a coconut.

"At least the moon's out," Elliot said to himself, glancing around. The white orb looked like a big silver dollar, casting its beams on the dark waters. The horizon was a murky, midnight blue with a few strips of black clouds. As long as no mechanical sea monsters popped up — or tidal waves or hurricanes — it was probably going to be smooth sailing.

"Bernadette always wanted us to do a nighttime boat trip together," Elliot remembered.

Well, he had the boat and the nighttime, but he sure did not have a cute redhead snuggled beside him.

Elliot instinctively reached for his wallet, wanting to look at the photograph he kept from their first anniversary, but he remembered with a sinking feeling that he had left his wallet in his cabin-boy uniform, which was still in his locker at the dinner theater.

He sighed, slumping against the helm. He hadn't even gotten to say goodbye to Bernadette before he was dragged to this strange sea. He pictured the last time he saw her: leaving the theater, a little exasperated that he had not been brave enough to go into the back room to grab barbecue sauce, but otherwise affectionate. She thanked him for inviting her to Family Night and kissed him goodnight before she headed to her car while he set about his post-show obligations. If he had only known he would have to leave her in less than two hours, maybe he would have run after her and given her another kiss. Maybe he would have made sure to tell her he loved her.

He reached for the brown bag that was part of his pirate costume and pulled out a golden ball with glass lenses. It was the Helpseeker, the contraption which had brought them through time and space. It would blink blue when it was ready to take them home, but right then it was as dark as a toy without batteries. Elliot gave it a little shake. It did not respond.

"Just give me five minutes," he pleaded. "You can bring me right back, but I gotta see her. She'll worry about me."

He hoped it would understand his ache, but the ball did not beep. He laid it against his chest, feeling his heart sink.

"I just wanted her to see me as a hero," he sighed to himself. "How did I get myself into all this?"

He had had it all worked out. After he would audition for the show, he would wait until just the right night to invite Bernadette to the theater. He would wow her with his dashing performance, and she would see him as a hero, not some goofy coward. Then at the finale, one spotlight would fall upon Elliot — he would have arranged everything in advance with the theater — and another light would fall on Bernadette, seated in the best place in the house. He would swagger up to her, suave and debonair, then pull out his grandmother's engagement ring, look Bernadette in the eye, and ask her to marry him.

But he had not gotten the part — he had gotten fired instead. He had tried to stay positive, figuring something good would happen if he kept his chin up. Maybe he would find work at a different theater and wow Bernadette then. Then the Helpseeker had showed up, and the row boat, and now Elliot was stuck at sea, miles and years from home, from Bernadette.

"Just five minutes," he beseeched the Helpseeker again, shaking it, but it stayed dark.

He pictured Bernadette in her apartment. Maybe she was texting him right then to ask if he wanted to grab breakfast together before she went to work, but she would not get a response. Maybe later she would try calling him. When he didn't answer after a few tries, she would probably swing by his place, but no one would be home. The neighbors would be unable to provide any information to ease her concerns. Bernadette would then call everyone she could to find out if they had seen him, but nobody would be able to help her.

What if he never saw her again? What if he was stuck in this period? Or died? What would Bernadette do if he never came back?

He stared at the Helpseeker, then used it to give himself a light slap.

"Stay positive, buddy," he told himself, tucking the golden orb back into his bag. "Bernadette says she loves how positive I am."


They managed to rescue "Sir Fredrick" from Robert the Terrible and send the wicked pear back to his own time, much to the approval of the dinner-theater patrons. Mr. Hibbing almost immediately offered them positions in the pirate show, but they turned it down. The zucchini was happy to hire them again as cabin boys, though, so at least Sedgewick didn't have to move back into his parents' basement.

Now, with confetti still raining down, and the dinner guests still giving them a warm ovation, the three friends gathered around the returned Helpseeker, blinking red on the fake ship's deck. Someone back in Monterria needed some heroes.

"Think we have time to take a hot shower first?" Sedgewick asked softly.

"Well, we can't leave with all these people watching," George pointed out. "Let's give it an hour or two. I wanna spend some time with my wife and kids before we do any more time traveling."

"And I haven't kissed my Ellen in almost a week," Sedgewick sighed.

Elliot raised his head, turning toward the cheering audience. He easily spotted the red hair he was searching for and the adoring face watching him. He had not had a chance even to speak with her because of Robert the Terrible showing up, but now he did not want to waste another second. He squared his shoulders.

"I gotta do something first, guys," he said, starting down the gangplank.

He reached the ground floor and began to hop up the stairs, ignoring the applauding diners and politely declining to give autographs. Bernadette leapt from her seat and hurried down, meeting him halfway.

"Elliot, you were amazing!" she cried, hugging him.

He pulled her close. She smelled nice — and she felt nice — and she sounded nice — and he only then realized just how much he had missed her.

Bernadette raised her head, beaming. "I thought that mechanical sea monster was on your list, but you were riding that thing like a bronco!"

"It's just a machine, with a lever," Elliot told her. After dealing with the sea monster guarding Robert's hideout, a machine designed to kill, a benign practical effect was nothing.

Bernadette stared at him in surprise.

"Elliot, what's gotten into you? And where have you been?" she demanded, her voice beginning to change. "I've tried calling you, and you weren't home, and your grandma wanted to file a missing person's report! And then this blind guy shows up and tells me to come tonight because you'd be here, but when I talked to the cabin boys, they said you'd been fired! What's going on?"

He could hear her fear and frustration. If he thought the things on his list were scary, he could only imagine what she had gone through after he disappeared. He had the impulse to kiss her, but a glance at the smiling spectators stopped him in time.

"Bernadette," he said as softly as he could over the crowd, "I'm so sorry, and I promise I'll tell you everything, but there's something I gotta ask you first."

"What?" she asked warily.

He shook his head. "Not here."

He would have taken her hand if he could, but since neither of them had one, he took hold of her waist, guiding her down the steps. Just having her near sent his heart fluttering in his chest.

Elliot cast his mind about for a place to take her, but there was only one place in the whole building which would grant them any privacy.

So he directed her to the back room.


A single, flickering lightbulb lit the storage area, which was filled with extra tankards and plates, sauce and ketchup packets, straws and napkins. Elliot shut the door after them, muffling the crowd.

Bernadette turned toward him, and he caught the aroma of her shampoo and soap, which made him realize how many hours it had been since he had bathed with the soap which Willory the butler had provided for them on the princess's ship.

To be safe, he reached for the box with the complimentary dinner mints and popped one into his mouth.

"Sorry about the lighting," Elliot apologized as he pushed away boxes to give Bernadette room to walk. "Mr. Hibbing hasn't replaced all the burnt-out light bulbs in the back room yet, which is why it's so dark when the show's on."

"Wait," she said, looking amazed. "This is the back room? The one on your list?"

"Yeah." He cast a look around. "Heh, I guess it's not so scary now. A lotta things aren't so scary tonight."

She stared at him. "Elliot, what's happened to you?"

Elliot pulled over a stepladder and placed it beneath the lightbulb, indicating for her to sit. She obliged him, and he moved to stand in front of her.

"Bernadette, you know that Bible verse which my grandma is always quoting, about 'perfect love casts out fear'?"

Something shifted in her perplexed gaze. "Yes…"

"Well, it's true," he said, "whether it's love for your friends who are about to be eaten by a mechanical sea monster, love for a little princess who needs you to rescue her from her bad uncle — or love for the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."

She sat up, hopeful. "Elliot…?"

He could not drop on one knee, so he settled for squatting a little. He held her gaze, wishing he had a ring to offer her — glad to have her near him — ready to conquer every last thing on his list just to have her beside him forever.

"Bernadette Marie Rhubarb," he said, "will you marry me?"

Tears began to moisten her cheek. For a moment she just smiled at him, clearly moved beyond words. Then all at once, she flung herself forward, embracing him.

"Oh, Elliot!" she sighed, kissing his cheek. "Elliot!"

"Is that a yes or a no?" he asked with a silly grin.

"A hundred times yes!" she giggled through her happy tears.

Elliot's heart swelled. He snatched her up and spun her around, nearly knocking into cardboard boxes filled with condiments. She giggled, and when he at last set her down, she took hold of his shirt collar, her eyes twinkling. Then, moving as one, they both tilted their heads, and their lips met.

Elliot did not know how long they were there, but it hardly took him any time to decide the back room was now one of his favorite places in the whole world.

Unfortunately, they were yanked from their moment of bliss by the door opening, and the two jolted, whirling around to see George and Sedgewick peeking in.

"Figured he might be back here," George chuckled, widening the door and letting more light into the room. "He already conquered his fear of the mechanical sea monster, so why not the back room? Especially if his girl is involved."

He shot Elliot a little smirk. The cucumber blushed, and Bernadette giggled sheepishly.

"No making out with your girlfriend in the back room," Sedgewick chided Elliot. "It's actually one of the rules."

He nudged his head toward a laminated paper taped to the wall beside the door.

"Mr. Hibbing just gave us our jobs back, you know," Sedgewick added.

Elliot grinned shyly, pulling Bernadette against his side. "Actually, she's not my girlfriend anymore…"

George's smile widened, and he nodded with approval.

Sedgewick, however, looked confused. "So you broke up, and then started a smooch fest…?"

"No," George clipped, shaking his head. "Elliot just popped the question."

"Oh!" Sedgewick brightened. "That makes a lot more sense!"

Bernadette laid her cheek against Elliot's, giving a faint, content sigh, but she suddenly straightened a little. "What's that beeping?"

Sedgewick reached behind him and pulled out the Helpseeker, which was still flashing red.

"It won't let up," the gourd said. "Let's meet up at my place, after I take a shower, then we can go."

Bernadette frowned. "Go where? Are you guys going to disappear again?"

She turned to Elliot, hurt and apprehensive.

Elliot did not release his hold on her. Even though he wanted to help out Eloise, or whomever that needed them, he did not want to leave Bernadette again.

He met her troubled eyes. "Come with us."

His friends at once protested.

"Too dangerous, man!" Sedgewick reprimanded. "I would never drag Ellen to the eighteenth century to deal with pirates and gourd-eating cheese curls!"

"The king might not want her to come," George pointed out. "The royal family may have only intended for us three to go. She could get hurt."

"If she's gonna be my wife, I don't wanna keep secrets from her," Elliot said firmly — then added, "Unless it's good secrets, like birthday presents and surprise parties, because those are only temporary."

Bernadette stared at him. "Elliot, what's going on?"

"We gotta leave in an hour or two because somebody needs our help," he began. "I'll catch you up, Bernie. Then you can decide if you wanna go, okay?"

She still looked confused, but she gave his shirt collar a light tug, as if determined to stay by his side. "Tell me everything."

With a hold on her waist, he escorted her past his friends. "Well, it all started when a little princess needed some heroes…"

THE END