Chase wasn't expecting House to still be there when he arrived almost an hour later. "What are you still doing here?" was how Chase greeted him.
"Interesting question. Isn't it normally the answer that's wrong?"
Chase frowned at him as he hung up his jacket. "I'm sorry?"
House limped closer. "I found something pretty interesting in your living room, Chase. A hair. Long, straight, brown... Either you're cheating on Adams with Jeannie—"
"It's Rebecca." Chase shrugged.
And House frowned. "You're cheating on Adams with my daughter?"
"No. God, are you kidding? She's too much like you. That idea's repellent."
"Why is she here?"
Chase sighed, listening to House's wet steps following him through the kitchen. "She's looking to get information about you. Today it was me; before me it was Taub."
"Huh." House paused, absorbing the revelation. "What did you tell her?"
"Not what I wanted to tell her; 'Stay away. Otherwise you give him the impression that he can interfere in your life and break into your home.' But then I remembered she wouldn't give a damn. Oh, if the two of you weren't evil, you could use your powers and your lack of a moral compass to fight evil."
"You only get one gift. Unless you want to go a year without a window." House shrugged.
"Thanks for the choice. I'd rather not get pneumonia."
"I also found something of interest in the bedroom."
"Of course you went into my bedroom."
"Your bedroom? The androgynous closet indicates devotion to Dr. Adams. Unless I misinterpreted the signal and you only date size sevens."
Chase sighed tiredly. "We're going to live together."
"Why would you volunteer that information?"
"Why hide it? You were going to find out anyhow."
"That's very true. But I would be remiss not to warn you; if this relationship messes with her ability to perform, I will need to fire her."
"I think she can handle this."
"Yeah..." House studied him. "You're not too much for a midget to handle. Do me a favor, next time hide the information."
"Why?"
"So that I can watch it blow up in your face." House limped to the door, grabbing the shovel on his way out. But, moments later, he let himself back in. "Do you see my keys?"
Chase scoffed, but he was smiling. "You mean your wife's keys?"
"Help me look," House muttered, and began rummaging through the home.
"Oh, yeah, sure. Lost the keys. You've got no intention of snooping every room of this house."
"Trust me, I'd rather make sure my contact with you is minimal." House paused and looked up at his offended face. "Cuddy's waiting for me. Inside the house."
Chase sighed, but knelt and began feeling under the cushions; then stood up empty-handed. "Could have bludgeoned me on the phone," he muttered, as he retraced House's steps to the bedroom.
House was peering under the couch when Chase returned. "Come on! What's the likelihood they'll be down there?"
House struggled to stand up, ignoring Chase's extended hand. "In 1998, Dr. Atkins took his little girl to work and they got separated. She was an animal lover and ended up freeing thirty rabbits before they found her. And you know what happened to all those cute wittle fuzzy poop machines?"
"No."
"They found their way into your home and under your couch, where they died."
House moved past him, looking up at the clock. No way in hell would he get out of here in time. Unless he found the keys right now. His eyes roamed across the room. "Damn it," he muttered. "I think I dropped them in the snow."
"Outside my house?"
"No, inside."
Chase shook his head as he went through the closet, pulling out his winter wear. "You know, some people say this is a time to be jolly."
"Yeah, but I don't have the pants for it." House opened the door and stepped outside. Chase put on his winter clothes and followed him, and they sat on their hands and knees poking through the snow everywhere there was a dent on the surface. House got all the way to the car and used the vehicle to stand up, defeated.
"You happy yet? I'm cold, soaking wet. The joke's over."
The cane clattered against the car and House pulled his empty pockets inside-out. As Chase silently continued searching the snowy ground, House picked up his cane.
"Maybe I overlooked them. What exactly did you do in my bedroom? Did you lay down?"
"A shared closet is indicative of a shared bed, of course I didn't lay down."
"Alright, alright." Chase got to his feet. He let himself back inside as House's cell rang. He looked at Cuddy's name and flipped it open.
"Yeah."
"What's taking you so long? We're going to miss our reservation."
"Well, okay, don't get all...crazy and annoying. But I kind of lost your key."
"What?"
"We can make dinner plans another night."
"I want you back before dark. If you can't find the keys, pay him to drive you back."
Feeling a twinge of annoyance at her bossiness, House hung up and pocketed his phone. He was looking for subtle marks in the snow they hadn't destroyed, and wondering if her key ring was magnetic, when Chase opened the door. Trying to hurry and be careful, he staggered awkwardly; but brandished the key with a smile. "I got it."
"Where?"
"Bedroom closet. Inside a shoe." He gave him the key.
"Great! Thanks a lot."
"No problem. Now, piss off." Chase handed him the shovel.
"You don't have to be rude, Chase...It's a time to be jolly." House spun around and limped to the car.
