He was still shoveling when a gray car pulled up to the sidewalk. He stilled and stood up straight as Cameron got out, looking at him over the roof of her car. When she walked around it, he could see a small present in her hand. He looked to his right, wondering if he would spot Kutner again. He wouldn't say it, but she looked nice. Her curls were tucked under a brown beanie with a tiny snowflake border. Her jacket had buckles, and her slim pants were tucked into high black boots that had a furry interior, which stuck out at the top. As she approached, he slid down the covering that kept his face warm. He knew she wasn't dead, but he had also envisioned Cuddy; so he didn't know if he could trust that she was really there. Seeing the apprehension in his eyes, Cameron's eager steps faltered. She stopped in front of him, looking into his eyes. "Headache?" she guessed.
"Yep."
She held out the package to him.
"I didn't get you anything."
"You gave me twenty-two years of working with you," she said softly, and dropped her hands when he took the gift.
"Looks a little small to be the seventy-two virgins I wanted."
Cameron smiled as she took the shovel from him, watching him pull off the ribboned lid. "Welcome to the 21st century."
"What was wrong with my old phone?"
"It's old." She gazed at him. "I know you don't like change. But without it, you wouldn't be where you are."
He looked at her, head still bowed; reminding her of a bull about to charge. He studied the sadness in her eyes for several seconds. "Cuddy told you."
"She told all of us."
House was scowling as he took the shovel from her. Using it as his cane, he limped over to where his cane lay and exchanged it with the shovel. Cameron watched him limp to the door; and when he didn't shut it behind him, she entered the home, closing the door behind her. She followed the footprints into the kitchen, where he had taken a seat to remove his shoes.
"She felt bad, but...she knew you would be withdrawn and bitter no matter what. Now you have a support system."
"So you know she took it as an ultimatum."
"Uh, no. She didn't say that part..." Cameron tilted her head. "What are you going to do?"
House stood up and limped towards the closet, throwing his shoes in. "I'm going to do it," he finally said.
"House," her voice was concerned.
"It's my life, Cameron; and everybody's enjoying it but me."
"But, your mind...Your memories. Who you are?"
"I am the sum of my patients."
"You're so much more than that..."
"No, all I'm worth is them. Their minds, their memories." He stared at her. "I'm losing more and more of myself every day." His voice broke, and her eyebrows went up in surprise. She was accustomed to him repressing joy, not despair. When he spoke again he was in control. "Cuddy's the Dean of Medicine. She knows my choice is the right one."
"So your Haloperidol isn't working."
"Actually, it's Clozapine." House dug into his pocket and extracted the bottle. "It's stronger. I knew there was a chance the—" Suddenly, with a simple motion of his hand, he had thrown the bottle. He looked at his fingers, opening and closing them.
"House, maybe you should get help from Dr. Lim."
"Oh, I will. He'll be the one cutting into my skull."
She gazed plaintively at him. "Are you sure this is what you want?"
"Not a trace of doubt in my mind."
She moved a little closer and spoke intensely. "There will be no going back."
"I know. And I'm sorry."
Cameron sighed, but had to accept his choice. "Well, you don't have an ultimatum with me. You won't be alone."
His eyes followed her as she disappeared into the shadowed hall. Then the door opened and shut, and she was gone.
