Salem's inner circle stands at their table.
"I'm glad I was able to gather you here," Salem spoke, causing all her minions to stand to attention. "We have many things to talk-"
"Where's Emerald?" Hazel interrupted.
As he asked this, Emerald threw open the door and enters the door, her face slightly flushed. "Sorry, sorry I'm late everyone. I was, uh-"
"Masturbating?" Mercury asked mockingly.
"NO!" Emerald denied, looking sheepish. "No, no, I wasn't…Yes."
Emerald admitted defeat and sat at the table in shame.
"Eww."
"Don't try to shame me Mercury! We all do it!"
Everyone at the table starts to look uncomfortable. Salem put her head in her hands and groaned in frustration.
"I can't even get it up anymore," Hazel admitted, trying to take attention off Emerald.
"HA!" Tyrian let out a quick laugh at Hazel's admittance.
"I don't masturbate," Mercury said, sounding extremely proud of himself. He raises his hand to reveal a sock puppet. "I fuck Cinder Puppet."
Every lets out a groan of disgust, and Mercury slunk in on himself looking crestfallen. Cinder put her head on the table and questioned why she survived Beacon Academy and then her fight against Raven.
Emerald's face flushes and she grinned lustfully at the thought. "I wouldn't mind that."
"You wouldn't," Watts scoffed. "Disgusting street rat."
The group goes silent for a moment. An apprehensive look crosses Emerald's face as she decides to share. "I don't actually have to do anything. I just stand in front of a mirror and use my-"
"I coil my tail and use the hole from that!" Tyrian cackled.
Silence permeates the room again. Salem sits up straight and glares at Cinder. Cinder notices out of the corner of her eye and gulps.
"While we're on a somewhat similar subject, there's something I've wanted to check," Salem drawled in a motherly tone. "Cinder, have you used your Grimm arm for anything like this? It wouldn't be good for your health."
"What?!" Cinder screeched.
"Would that still be considered masturbation?" Watts muttered to himself. "Or would it be considered some form of bestiality?"
The group talks amongst themselves for a few moments. Cinder watches in a horrified silence, as everyone seems to come to their conclusion.
"I've never felt the urge to masturbate," Watts declared. "Even if I did, I'd use my machines."
Everyone has shared but Salem. They all slowly turn to face her. Confusion and annoyance flashes across her face, then realization as it dawns on her what they want.
"I've stopped feeling that urge long ago. Now, I simply cry myself to sleep," Salem said.
The meeting continues as it was originally planned. When it ends, they all feel a little closer with each other. With that newfound unity, a new path is made, and victory is theirs.
I don't know why I wrote this. I saw the video and couldn't get this idea our of my head, so here it is. Inspired by an evening with akatsuki. Check it out, it's funny imo.
Here's the link: watch?v=invy7ehEq5E
