I'm thinking it over
The way you make me feel all sexy, but it's causing me shame
I wanna lean on your shoulder
I wish I was allowed, but I don't wanna cause any pain
And if I'm feeling like I'm evil, we've got nothing to gain
She didn't know who moved first.
All she knew was that she had missed this. She had missed the taste of his kiss, and the softness of his hair, and the way his hands felt against her skin. Her fingers curled around the fabric of his jacket, pushing at the leather so she could get it off- so she could get closer. She needed to touch him properly. His hands- God, she had missed his hands- worked the button on her blazer as he crowded her back against the bar.
James tugged at her blazer, pulling back from the kiss just long enough to help her out of it. She barely let him go, hands fisting in his hair almost as soon as the blazer was on the floor. Teresa couldn't help the little gasp that escaped her as James' lips left hers to trail along her jaw and down the column of her throat. He nipped at her pulse-point, and she gripped his hair a little bit tighter. But his hands undoing her slacks told Teresa he didn't mind.
His fingers trailed along the edge of her panties, asking permission. She nodded, still half lost in the way his mouth was working her neck and along her collarbones. But her mind threatened to empty completely when his hand dipped lower, warm fingers brushing across her folds through the barrier of her panties. She had missed this. But then, James pulled away a second later and Teresa frowned. "This isn't gonna work," he mumbled, and for a second Teresa thought it was over, that he'd realized he didn't want this. At least, not with her.
But that thought didn't even have time to settle. The next moment James had dropped to his knees in front of her, his hands working her slacks over her hips and down. Her panties went next and Teresa was standing in her own bar, half naked, with James between her spread thighs. He slid his arm under her blouse and pressed a forearm across her stomach so she couldn't move. She couldn't help but moan as his thumb pressed circles into her skin. His other hand nudged her thighs open a bit more, then trailed up her left leg until it reached her center.
She wanted him. She wanted his fingers and his tongue and his cock. She wanted every bit of James she could get, in every way possible. She shouldn't- there was so much darkness he didn't know about, now. So many secrets she couldn't share, yet. She bit her bottom lip to keep from asking for anything- she already didn't deserve any of this. But then James' was touching her, soft and firm the way she liked, so she let it happen. She sank into the feeling of his warm breath against her most sensitive skin. She let herself enjoy every second of the way his fingers worked between her folds, his thumb teasing her clit.
God, she had forgotten how good he was with his hands.
Bracing her elbows on the countertop to steady herself, Teresa watched as James slid two fingers inside of her. She watched as he leaned in and licked a stripe from her entrance to her clit. She gasped as he pumped in and out, slowly, while letting his tongue flick and roll and suck on the bundle of nerves that was sending white hot pleasure shooting through her veins. Teresa bucked against him- unable to keep her body under control- and she felt, as well as saw, the way his lips curved into a slight smile. He sucked a little harder, to make her do it again.
The hand that had been tracing circles under her blouse moved upwards. James slid his arm around to her back and she felt him undo the clasp of her bra. Then his fingers were trailing back around to her front. His knuckles brushed against her nipples, and she jolted at the added sensation. She almost whined when he started playing with her, squeezing lightly, grazing a nail against her hardened nipples. It was a perfect torture.
She did whine when he pulled a sharp, bright orgasm out of her, leaving her shaky and lightheaded. She whined when, with one more sharp flick of his tongue, he sent her nerves into a frenzy of pleasure. Her knees buckled, slightly, but his strong hands were already there- already catching her and easing her gently to the ground so they were face to face. Her eyes locked on his, bleary from pleasure. But then the image cleared and her breath caught in her throat just from the sight of him. He looked wrecked. Eyes dark and heavy with desire, his mouth and chin wet from her arousal. His chest was rising and falling just as fast as hers. It was mesmerizing. It was absolutely devastating.
He brought both of his hands to her waist, eyes never leaving hers for a moment. "Tell me what you want," he rasped, voice so dark and rough that Teresa's thighs clenched a little. "Because I know what I want. I want you naked. I want to come inside of you. I want this to be more than a one-time thing." Teresa felt an edge of anxiety slice along her nerves. She couldn't do that. This had to be a one-time thing. There was too much- She couldn't let-
His thumb brushed against her skin and she shivered, mind slipping back into the sensuality they had created.
"Just tell me what you want, Teresa."
She looked into his eyes and saw everything that they could be if she said yes. She looked into his eyes and knew, without a doubt, that they would be so good together. She could rely on him; she could trust him to be honest and not just follow orders. He would take care of her in and outside of the bedroom. He would do anything for her- he had already proven it. She could see them- bodies pressed together in her bed, his hands in her hair and the taste of his skin on her tongue. She wanted it- so badly.
But...That wasn't how their world worked. What he wanted? It was put a target on both their backs. It was a liability. And no matter how much she wanted to say it was worth the risk- she couldn't. There was too much at stake. Too many people depending on her. Besides, she didn't deserve that life, anyway. There was too much blood and too much darkness inside her now. Her logic had saved her life, but at the price of her soul. She wasn't the girl he remembered. And she didn't think she ever could be, again. And he deserved that girl- the one who still believed in goodness and not just success.
James hadn't said anything, but she could tell he knew her answer. His eyes changed, barely even noticeable, but she saw it. And suddenly she felt…cold. Alone. It was familiar, and unwelcome, and she wanted to cry. But she didn't. Instead, she watched James. His lips curved into a disappointed smile. His hand reached up, the scent of her still of his fingers, and stroked her cheek. It felt like a goodbye. "I'm sorry," she whispered, voice steady and controlled and she hated herself for it. But he just shook his head. He let his hand slide from her cheek to the nape of her neck. Then, so gently, he pulled her towards him. Her eyes fluttered closed as she tried to keep herself from giving in- from falling apart. She could do that later- when he wasn't there to see her tears. But then the soft brush of his lips against hers made something inside of her break. Suddenly, she wasn't sure she how long she could keep herself together.
Then he was pulled back and it was over.
She opened her eyes, again, but the James of moments ago was gone. In his place was James, the soldier- the man she trusted with her life and business, but not her heart. He pulled away from her completely and stood up. Turning away from her, he gestured towards her naked lower half. She looked down. Her blouse just barely covered between her legs. "I'll give you some privacy," he said, voice as even and unphased as the first day they'd met. As if he hadn't just made her come. As if he hadn't just told her he wanted to be with her. "I've got some ideas for you going legit. We can talk later if you want."
She nodded, then realized he couldn't see her. "Sure. Thanks." He nodded. Then, without another glance, he walked out of the room. Teresa waited until his footsteps had faded completely before getting to her feet. She stepped out of her slacks and panties. She didn't want to wear damp underwear. She didn't want another reminder of what she had just done. Quickly pulling her pants back on properly, Teresa picked up her discarded blazer. Then she turned towards the mirror behind the bar to straighten her blouse and hair. She stared at the girl in the reflection- the girl dressed in dusty flannel and ripped jeans. The girl who was staring in the direction James had just disappeared.
"It's for the best," Teresa said.
Neither woman believed it.
I don't wanna say your love is a waiting game
