It all started innocently and wholesomely. Shirley had that boy on her mind after his comment in study group.
"I guess no one's made me a pie since my mama passed. She used to make this real good cherry one, and nana doesn't believe in making pies because she says it's the devil's work. I used to think it was a Jehovah's Witness thing but now I realize it's because nana kills fun."
Troy had scowled, Abed had given him a sympathetic head bob, and the rest of the group had shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Britta was absent for some reason so there was no real discussion about it. Shirley had murmured something, she couldn't remember exactly and felt the need to perhaps do something else. Her heart went out to him as a series of revelations washed over her.
Not only had his father kicked him out due to having an age-inappropriate girlfriend, but the boy had no mama and most importantly, he had no pie.
She resolved to right this wrong.
As she was shouting at her kids about something and stomping toward the kitchen, she whipped out her phone. Her own children might not appreciate her, but she bet Troy would. She was needed. Her eyes went to the bowl of peaches on her counter and then back to her phone. She quickly typed:
"You must be lonely and need comfort. Let me warm you up."
[Peach emoticon] [Pie emoticon]
She then got down to the business of wiping off the sink, humming to herself a hymn from last week's service.
About twenty minutes passed before her phone vibrated, and she took a look:
[Troy]: "Hey Shirls. Yeah, I'm down. How about tonight? My place? 7?"
[Winking emoticon] [Salivating emoticon]
She tilted her head, a bit perplexed by that first emoticon, but then she considered she wasn't up to date on all the texting expressions despite her efforts to try to remain clued in. She decided since the boy was so eager she'd get to work on that pie right then and there.
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Troy sat on the couch in Apartment 303, staring at his phone, his eyes growing wider by the second. He finally realized he had let out a shriek when Abed called his attention to it.
"Why did you shriek?"
He threw his phone across, and Abed deftly caught it, like the graceful greyhound that he was.
"Wait, don't read that!"
"Too late." Abed's eyes scanned the text and widened themselves for a flicker of a moment before he added as he tossed the phone back, "You think Shirley's making a move."
"Hell yeah. Who would have thought? I mean, she's like …." Troy paused and tilted his head, his brow wrinkling as he attempted to iron out the wrinkles in his own brain. He tried again, "Well, she's like …. older? But I guess not like crazy older since I don't think she could actually be my mom, so I dunno, I guess I haven't really thought of her like that."
"But you did. That time we all looked around the study table. You definitely did."
"Well, yeah, but that was just getting caught up in the googly eyes moment."
"Was it?"
"Yeah, I mean…maybe?"
"Troy paused again and recalled that instant he had definitely thought about it, noticing a particular vibrancy that Shirley possessed, something Britta and Annie couldn't even touch. It wasn't a race thing, but then he considered it wasn't exactly not a race thing. There were ways he and Shirley could relate, and he considered probably he'd not need to explain some things to her. Perhaps she'd actually understand him, and perhaps even warm him."
"Dude! Stop staying my thoughts out loud! I told you it's creepy."
Abed shrugged and murmured, "Sorry."
Troy stared at him for a few beats before he offered, "I wasn't thinking any of that."
"Sure you weren't."
"Okay, I was. How did you know?"
"Because we talked about it immediately after that event."
"Right, right."
Troy inwardly blushed as he recalled that he really did tell Abed everything. It's why he didn't keep Shirley's sexy text from him. Abed was like one half of his brain at this point.
Sexy text.
He raised one eyebrow and looked at Abed. The blank expression he received in return merely gave him the courage he needed. The courage to make his move.
"Hey Shirls. Yeah, I'm down. How about tonight? My place? 7?"
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If you are hungry, come to the feast.
Open to Jesus - He is all you need.
He fed the thousands, now He'll feed you.
Just open your mouth and take Him in -
That's all you have to do.*
Shirley lowered her volume as she stepped out of the elevator, merely humming now rather than full on singing. She resolved to let those dirty looks from her elevator companions vanish from her mind and gleefully made her way to Apartment 303, balancing her fresh peach pie between her gloved hands.
As she approached, the door flew open to reveal an actually panicked looking Abed, who immediately flung himself on top of her.
"Nooo…jump the shark!"
They went down, Shirley luckily falling onto her knees rather than completely to the side, the carpeting cushioning the blow. It helped that Abed basically had no body mass to speak of and she was used to life trying to knock her down.
She would not be knocked down anymore.
A panting Abed turned and looked up at her from his prone position, one hand smooshed into the precious pie.
"You're a lot stronger than you look."
"You ruined my pie."
"Trust me, it was the kindest thing I could do."
She took a deep breath, resolving that exploding in anger was perhaps not the best way to deal with this situation. Slowly and carefully, she stood, somehow shoving Abed's hand away, the goo of cooked peaches and syrup following him into a sticky mess on the hallway floor.
"You stand really well too."
"I work my quads."
"Nice."
She was puzzled by his suddenly inquisitiveness tinged with more than a hint of awe but was then drawn to the sound of Troy's voice as she realized he was now standing in the doorway, clad in a lounging robe of some sort. Upon a closer inspection, the robe was open in a V from the neckline down to his navel and he wasn't wearing a shirt.
"Hey girl."
His eyes then widened as he spied Abed on the floor and gasped, "Abed! Are you okay? Have you been shot?!"
Abed coughed out as Troy ran over and knelt down, "I've been slimed."
"Ghosts?"
"Ghosts."
"We should bust them."
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It wasn't until Shirley had debriefed with Jeff that she realized what had likely happened, and Jeff encouraged her to wipe her mind, saying he knew he was going to wipe his immediately as he handed back her cell phone. But she couldn't.
Since when did a peach mean that?
And perhaps she didn't exactly want to erase the image of Troy's pecs in that delicious robe.
She put that safely in her mental vault and giggled just a little.
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Troy remained a little sad about the lack of booty.
* From the hymn, "If you are hungry, come to the feast"
