The trip back to Starbase 5 felt interminable to Aalin. It didn't help she got slightly queasy in small shuttles. A fact she carefully kept on a need-to-know basis as her favorite pilot eagerly availed himself of any opportunity to fly and his pleasure was doubled when she shared the experience.

A dull headache had plagued since her troublesome transport from Discovery to Enterprise this morning. There was nothing physically wrong, Enterprise's CMO had run every test imaginable and made up a few more before releasing her from Sickbay. That last image before her rematerialization felt important. But all its detail other than the sounds of weapons fire had faded leaving only the disquiet.

We had one night together … one! She thought. The day started with such promise, an extra night with Chris. And then … Saru delivering his awkward professorial lecture on mating habits, a few of Discovery's crew in the hallway seeing me in only a skimpy towel … ok don't think about that. The out of the blue summons sending Discovery to Ceres. Chris and I can't even make short term plans. It's always some new mission; the nebula, stay away during the war, the signals; we have no control over our lives.

These few past years we have lived together, worked together, played together, laughed together, mourned together, explored together; nonstop. Being apart for three weeks, it feels like I am missing a limb.

She paced the tiny space trying to work off this combined energy of frustration and unease, repeating and repeating the circuit – ten steps, turn right, twenty steps, turn left, ten steps, turn left, twenty steps, turn right. After the tenth roundtrip she thought with amusement, I'm like Chris when he has a cold and tries to 'run it off.' And like with his cold, this plan isn't working.

Flouncing back into her seat, Aalin willed herself to think of something pleasant. Think of leave. It's coming after Chris finishes on Discovery. I don't even know where we are going, he wants to plan the whole thing. Wait. Hmmm. Maybe not. Having your husband organize a honeymoon might sound romantic when newly wed, but I know Chris too well. He considers a resort a waste of leave, my idea of camping is a hotel without room service. I'm likely to be pinioned to a rocky ledge overnight. Mental note, quiz Chris about our vacation plans.

Truly I only want to go to some remote place, with no one else around for miles and miles. Chris relieved of the rigors of command, relaxed and in his element, is going to be an adorable handful; wickedly funny, irreverent at times, insatiably active and curious, and … other things I have yet to discover. On leave I will finally get to fully know this man I have chosen as a partner who will share my life long after our time in Starfleet ends.

Then another thought randomly popped up and she smiled slightly, maybe, when there is little chance of a crisis in the middle of the night, he won't feel the need to sleep in quite so many clothes …

A bright flash in the distance reminded Aalin of Chris' latest injury, the near fatal blast of an overloading phaser, a result of shielding others from the hazard with his body. Her happy mood evaporated. By the time she arrived at her destination, her headache had grown.

ooooo

The nurse looked up when Aalin walked into the ward housing patient rooms and smiled in welcome. "I'm glad you are back. Lieutenant Spock was unsettled all night and has been worse today. No one is better at soothing him than you."

Aalin's brow creased. "This morning the doctor said he was calm and resting. Otherwise I'd have never considered staying away an additional night."

"I've been here since last night. At no point has Spock been calm, rather he was agitated and sleepless," the nurse replied looking confused.

Before the nurse could say anything else the spot where Aalin had been standing was empty.

ooooo

Aalin's siblings nicknamed her Tazzie. As in the ancient cartoon character the Tasmanian Devil. She could go from serene to livid in half a second. Or .39568 seconds according to Spock's more precise calculations. Though why a chuckling Captain Pike suggested Spock not share this data point with her was still beyond the Vulcan's understanding. At this moment, her ire was focused on the physician standing in front of her. She said in an icy tone, "Explain you why lied to me this morning. And where is Spock's usual doctor?"

"He was reassigned. And you are mistaken Lieutenant," the commander replied emphasizing their difference in rank.

"Don't pull rank on me, I am here as Spock's advocate. You've violated at least ten regulations and any reasonable standard of ethical conduct for both civilian and military medical professionals."

The doctor replied in a tone of exaggerated patience. "I realize you are upset, and that you do not fully understand the nuances of Spock's illness and the latitude I have for his clinical treatment. Yes, this morning I encouraged you stay away, which is in Spock's best interests, I believe your presence triggers his dissociative episodes. His condition requires strong pharmacological intervention and intensive psychotherapy and I believe my patient ..."

Mansplaining was his second mistake. You arrogant ass, Aalin thought crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot. Just because she had to glare up didn't lessen its effectiveness. "Should he become incapacitated, Lieutenant Spock entrusted any medical decisions to his current commanding officer. I am here on Captain Pike's behalf. I want Spock's former physician reinstated on the case."

"No. My appointment comes from a higher authority. One far above you." He paused and then added with a sneer, "You may play officer on Enterprise, but off that ship you are nothing but a civilian with a well-connected spouse. One who currently is beyond communications reach."

His well-aimed verbal slap hit Aalin as intended. She squared her shoulders hoping it would steady her voice. When she finally spoke it was soft but steely, "As of now you are no longer Spock's physician." On the way back to the psychiatric ward she formulated next steps. Alert Una. Take him back to Enterprise? No. Spock's better off at a civilian facility, the law provides more protections there. Check on Spock first. Then call grandmother, she'll know a colleague who will take the case. Call Father's office and get the paperwork started. Have Enterprise send a shuttle …

Standing in front of the door to Spock's room, Aalin took several deep breaths and exhaled slowly, her grandmother's words echoing in her head, never take anger into a place of healing.

An orderly joined her. "He's been combative today sir. I should go in with you, just in case."

Aalin rubbed the wrist Spock had broken last week. It healed but sore at times. "Thank you, but no. I'll be fine and he's settles better with fewer people around." With breathing slowed, fists unclenched, and expression serene, she entered.

Over and over Spock tried reciting the Vulcan First Doctrines of Logic. When that didn't work, he switched to a Buddhist medication chant. He rocked back and forth as he hugged himself tightly. Hold on, hold on, hold on, all you have to do is wait for her. Hehad been this way for hours, waiting, waiting, waiting, watching, watching, watching. Her multiple visits each day were a lifeline tethering him to a tiny slice of comfort amidst the constant terror of existence. She is coming back today. But when is today?

He couldn't remember her name, but his need for her overwhelmed him.

When the doors swished opened, he caught the scent of her perfume. Aalin walked into the room. In the blink of an eye Spock shoved them into the far corner pinning her against the wall with his body. She squirmed trying to get free but couldn't counter an adult male Vulcan's strength.

He placed his other hand over her face, fingers resting on her forehead and cheek, and said in a quiet voice, "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts …"

Aalin whimpered from the pain as Spock's mind raced into hers like a runaway train, smashing through all resistance thrown in its path. When a barrier was obliterated, his mind relentlessly searched, bouncing around her thoughts and memories like a ball in an arcade pinball machine. His fingers spread across her face dug in, bruising her skin.

She tried to say, "You're hurting me," but Spock's other hand was closed tightly around her windpipe, and the words came out in a garbled whisper. Aalin pushed a thought upwards, please stop, but his obsessive search of her mind continued unabated.

The ricocheting ball feeling morphed into a snake slithering through her mental pathways, stopping here and there and biting a tempting neuron. But like a baby snake who has not yet learned the delicate art of injecting only the bit of venom needed to immobilize its prey, Spock's mind fangs sunk deep triggering a new level of agony, one Aalin felt throughout her nervous system. Her heart rate and blood pressure reached levels which would alarm a physician.

Gradually the pace with which Spock's mind touched hers slowed to frenetic, then hurried, then measured. His physical and mental touch gentled. He inhaled deeply. For her it felt like hours had passed rather than fifty minutes.

Spock's voice filled her head. It spoke in a monotone. I regret the harm I have caused you. At first, I was unable to touch your mind with the discipline and technique required when melding with your species. Now I can.

Aalin's thoughts answered, I don't understand, you sound like yourself, I mean the self before your illness.

Yes, it is curious. I surmise I am suffering from an atemporal psychosis. I am … out of time … unable to discern events via a linear progression. Fascinating. Perhaps the mystics are correct, and all exists in one present moment our minds based in three dimensions organize into past, present, and future. If that proves true, our understanding of the nature of the universe …

Focus Spock. What changed?

The bridge between our minds. Your mind is now stabilizing mine and providing the requisite linear overlay.

Will the effect last after you terminate the mind meld?

No. It will fade quickly, and I will retreat into incoherence.

Why this corner of the room?

It is out of the range of the monitoring camera, Spock's mind answered.

Why did you do this? I mean initiate the mind meld.

I required, I craved context. Intimate contact with another. It was primal, an overwhelming need to connect with a reality I am out of phase with. I experience nightmares … or visions … of a dystopian future beyond comprehension … an unbearable loss of life … I see big events and small ones … a mentor's soul rending choice for the greater good, an improbable reuniting of two estranged; all of it pushes me further out of step with who I am.

When did the visions start?

Early in my childhood and tomorrow, I cannot say as time has ceased to have meaning for me.

Why did your craving, your confusion, your pain become so acute today? Aalin's mind queried.

You left.

Oh. That felt like a punch to the gut. Wait, can you hear everything I think, everything feeling I have?

Much but not all. Guilt is a strong emotion. Do not feel remorse over your one night's absence. You did not understand my days are ordered around your visits, precisely at the same time throughout the day, each day. That … rhythm … pierces my veil of confusion a little. It is my only touchstone to … where I should be. The isolation has been hauntingly lonely.

Most of the time I didn't think you knew I was here.

I did not every time. Spock admitted. But many times I did, and your presence helped. You are uneasy about something.

Your new doctor. I don't trust him. He lied to me. I was going to take you to Earth, but perhaps a Vulcan healer is a better choice. Spock? Where is your attention?

Have I yet escaped?

What? Aalin thought back.

I saw … that I was not here. Has that occurred or is it still a potential future event?

You have not, left this facility that is. Though your new physician may be planning your transfer to another hospital. Something about him makes me wary. But that is easily stopped. I'll ask my father to get a court injunction. It will take care of any civilian/military turf battles.

The entity appearing to me says I am in danger. Is Enterprise docked here?

No. It's a long story and I will skip to the end. Chris is in temporary command of Discovery, investigating the phenomenon which resembles your drawings. They appear to be a series of signals.

The Captain is with my sister?

Yes, Aalin confirmed.

Then what I saw … it's true. Or it may come to be. We cannot allow that. My future memories may contain clues pertaining to the signals.

How are you in danger?

She envisioned a metaphorical eyebrow raising as the Vulcan spoke, Unknown. Perhaps I will recognize it when it presents itself. Do I frequently employ this uplifted brow facial tick? What you term a Spockism?

He heard the amusement accompanying her answer. Here and there. When you are vexed or perplexed. The amusement sobered. You will be defenseless when our mind link is broken. I'll stay with you.

You cannot remain by my side all day and all night. And escape connotates I exited the Starbase against the wishes of those in authority. I cannot expose you to such risk. It is a circular conundrum. Vulcan healer? No. Conventional medicine will not heal my mind. Yet there may be another way … though getting there is problematic …

Where?

Talos IV.

Wwwhat? No! Even Aalin's thoughts wailed.

Ah, I can feel you instinctively loathe and fear them. That is not unexpected after their brutality to our Captain. And their price will be steep.

Are there other options?

None known to me. But you are not a pilot, and I will be unable to fly a shuttle once our mind link ends and my psychosis returns. No vessel will accept an autopilot course to a system under general order seven.

Is there a way to maintain the link between our minds without physical contact?

Spock nodded. Yes, but it is not permitted with another's mate.

Well, it's not like we're going to … oh … will you hear and feel my most intimate thoughts?

And acts. Nothing in your mind will be blocked from me.

But it's reversible … her thought drifted, and hesitancy surfaced through the mind meld. Right?

Between two who have bonded that are both living? Theoretically. With the aid Vulcan healer. Such a rendering has not been attempted since before Surak's reformation. Though there may be permanent side-effects. The separation could damage both our minds.

Are there other repercussions? Will you also hear Chris' thoughts?

Only your reactions to them. I will experience your feelings towards the Captain. I am trained to selectively mute what is flowing through the bond, that is not hear rather than not know, I will know everything; you are not trained, you will be unable to shut out my presence in your mind. This is a pointless discussion. The Captain would never forgive me if I took you to Talos IV. For that I do not fault him.

If it's the only option for you healing … Aalin began.

It may not be the only option.

But it's the only one we know of right now. And the fastest way to extract the information about the signals buried in your mind. Chris will understand. He would return himself under those circumstances.

I am certain returning himself is the option he would choose if it meant you did not step foot on Talos IV nor were within range of the inhabitants' mind control abilities.

Chris is … wait you already know, don't you? I was thinking about how far away he is when I walked into your room …

On his way to Ceres, yes, I know. Are you beginning to understand there will be no privacy between us? A mind meld does not touch your every thought and feeling. A mating bond does. Yes, as you are thinking, this is bigger and deeper than you originally imagined. It is daunting. And I am only half-Vulcan. That wild card could complicate the expected behavior and severing of the bond. The unknowns are too risky.

Aalin shook her head. No. The alternatives are too risky. An undefined but portended danger to you? Knowledge which could aid unraveling the meaning of the signals? Spock, this illness, or atemporal condition as you call it, it's tearing your mind apart. How much longer until there is no way back for you? If you needed blood, I would donate it. That's no different from loaning you my mind for a few days. We go to Talos, they help you, and then we have the bond severed.

Your counterpoint is … logical. Though the flow of events may not be so straightforward.

I can feel you wavering, beginning to agree with me. Hmmm.

You are thinking if you could get into the Captain's mind like this for a few hours, you would win more arguments.

Not exactly, no … there is no way to deflect in a mind meld is there? Oh Spock, that amused you. I've missed your secretive little smiles.

If we do this, and I am still wary, I make a vow to circumvent, to the extent possible, your feelings and relationship with the Captain.

Spock I can assure you, because you already know, that is not a concern for me. You are innately kind and respectful. I know you will treat with care that delicate side effect of this connection.

It is possible the Talosians could sever the bond rather than waiting for a subsequent trip to Vulcan. Spock posed.

The Talosians messing around in my head? That is Chris' worst nightmare come true. I'll wait for the Vulcan healers.

Your logic is sound but …

The danger may already be on your doorstep. Do it.

Aalin's thought reverberated through Spock's mind. Still he hesitated. On Vulcan, bonding with another's mate is a crime more heinous than murder, it is mental voyeurism. Captain Pike should give consent as well.

We don't have that kind of time. Your mental health and safety are worth a few embarrassing moments for Chris and me. And I know he would agree.

You are unprepared for the closeness of a marriage bond, which is the only Vulcan mind touch transcending physical distance. Our current meld is the equivalent of having coffee with a friend. The melding of mates is a constant intertwining of our thoughts and feelings, much like the intimacy felt during lovemaking with a cherished partner.

Spock, we are wasting time. I'm not changing my decision.

The Captain has mentioned your tendency to leap into risk impulsively, without thinking through the repercussions. I believe he says you fail to play the tape to the end. Though I am unfamiliar with that statement's reference.

He does? Oh really? Spock could feel her momentary flash of annoyance morph to amusement. Well to be honest, he's said that to me as well. Which is like the pot calling the kettle black. The reference is to an item termed a VHS tape, an early method for storing and playing videos.

Captain Pike is a soldier as well as an explorer with all the training such postings entail. You are not. His so-called leaps into danger are well considered and supported by a multitude of skills.

Mmmm. Ok. Don't really have a comeback for that. Is this a taste of what I can expect once our minds are fully joined? I am barely nimble enough to debate Chris, I stand no chance against the two of you.

Seeing to your welfare is one of my responsibilities when undertaking this type of bond. Protecting you will be a yearning for me, both mentally and physically.

Aalin signed. I assure you I can take care of myself; I have for quite some time now.

Perhaps.

I see Vulcan males can be as exasperating as human males.

A comment my mother frequently makes.

This is a waste of time. There may be many reasons not to do this, but there is another trumping them all. It's your best chance for recovery. Which is worth a little … or a lot of discomfort.

Well argued, my father would complement your logic.

You're stalling again.

Spock stepped closer to Aalin. Very well. This requires more intimate contact than the surface mind meld. May I?

She nodded almost imperceptibly.

Spock stepped closer still and wrapped an arm around her waist. He could feel her tremble slightly, a physical manifestation of the doubts she unsuccessfully tried burying in her mind and hiding from him. You may experience dizziness for a few moments. Some report this touch feels like fire, others say ice. Are you ready?

She nodded again more forcefully this time.

His other hand cradled her cheek and his lips brushed hers. He felt her body tense. My apologies, it is necessary.

Aalin willed herself to relax and exhaled. I understand. By the time she drew another breath, Spock burrowed deeper into her mind. This time his mental touch felt like a blanket of new snow. Peaceful and beautiful; pure and full of promise.

His fingers parted on her cheek, one reaching for her temple. The arm around her waist gently pulled her nearer to him, now their bodies were pressed tightly together. Spock then began chanting, Parted from me and never parted, never and always touching and touched …

Her final mental barriers melted away, like a series of forcefields blinking out one by one. As they fell, his memories became hers. She felt his confusion and jealousy when Michael joined their family which grew into affection for his adopted sister and joy for having a close sibling and confidant. Her cheeks reddened from their shame over a learning disability inherited from his human mother. Her heart broke when Michael pushed them away. His determination to be more Vulcan when classmates taunted him about his heritage became hers as well. The anger from his father when he chose Starfleet over the Vulcan Expeditionary Group flooded her body and she regretted the resulting rift between father and son and now her. Are my memories now yours as well?

It is gratifying you consider my beard aesthetically pleasing. And yes, I was not present for this exchange. Spock's amusement flowed through their link as he offered up the following memory from after the reception on Varia celebrating their agreement with the Federation to host a deep space outpost. It was Aalin's first mission on Enterprise, she had been on board only six weeks.

[Chris held out his hand to guide her off the transporter platform after she stumbled during her first attempt. Aalin swayed a bit and dropped her aching head into her hands. "I'm sorry Captain. I don't understand, I am always careful about alcohol during official functions."

Chris' mouth twisted slightly to the side masking a smile. "I believe they refilled your glass when you weren't looking. Take my hand."

When Aalin took another step, she leaned too far forward and lost her balance. Chris caught her in his arms and lifted her to the ground. His arms lingered around her waist, she looked up into his eyes and said louder than necessary, "You really are very, very cute."

Chris' glare silenced the quiet snickering of the two transporter operators. "I'll see you to your quarters."]

Oh.

Yes, it took many more months and the incident on Noohra before the Captain admitted his feelings for you.

This feels a bit like when you bring a new friend home, and your parents break out the baby pictures and tell embarrassing stories, Aalin thought.

I am unfamiliar with such an experience.

Figures.

The link between us is complete, Spock announced. He lowered her to a sitting position on the floor with her back leaning against the wall. You are experiencing presyncope.

Yes, I am lightheaded. I feel like I just spent the weekend cramming for a test using stims instead of sleeping. Like an enormous amount of data was pushed into my head.

That is an accurate description. I do not know if humans typically suffer a physical reaction to this process, but such a side effect seems logical. You must rest.

But you may need …

I am quite well and feel as myself. This deep bond is providing a greater stabilizing effect than our earlier mild meld. However, you are … Discomfort transferred from Spock to her. Now I sense the temporal displacement emanating from you. How is that possible?

I think it's disorientation from having another's thoughts in my head rather than anything more serious.

Perhaps. I shall continue monitoring you.

Not necessary, I am fine. Don't be a mother hen. And don't fuss.

I am biologically incapable of laying eggs, and I do not know how to cluck. Fuss? Ah, I see, your term for the Captain's actions when he believes you require extra care. Why are his ministrations unwelcome?

They are welcome and appreciated, but a bit stifling when he gets into one of his ultra-protective moods. And when you are in my head, I think you can call him Chris.

No. That is inappropriate, especially as I am, to use your term, in your head. You belong to him not to me.

Will it always feel this way? That two are residing in my mind.

For Vulcans the other's presence fades into the background after three or four days. Something to be called upon but not overtly present or intrusive. Go now. Rest. Should I require your assistance, you will know immediately.

Very well. She rose and leaned against the wall briefly. Once steady, she walked towards the door.

Aalin

She turned back to Spock when he called to her through the mind link. This was the first time he had ever used her given name

Thank you.