"You really want to go and traipse around the Welsh countryside to find a tourist attraction that is so rubbish that no one ever goes there?" Arthur sneered.
Merlin sat back slightly bewildered. "Um… what?"
"I looked it up. There's a place called 'The valley of the Fallen Kings' or Diffrin ee Bready Head a Sith and dig or something." Arthur showed Merlin the website on his tablet.
"Dyffryn y Brenhinoedd Syrthiedig?" Merlin offered.
"Yes, that! And it's just this pass in the Brecon Beacons. There's nothing special about it."
"Kilgharrah thinks that it's really important for both of us to go and find it."
"I'm not a student and I've got rugby. We're playing LMH on Saturday," Arthur refused.
"He wants us to go together," Merlin tried.
"Is he a superstitious old weirdo?"
"He's my supervisor and he's the one who will examine me in the Tripos," Merlin argued. "And, yes he's a bit of a weirdo," he conceded.
Arthur ate some more scrambled eggs and considered. "Can he do Sunday instead?"
"I don't know."
"Well, tell him I'll go on Sunday if he really wants us to. I don't know what I have to do with your education though."
"I think he was hoping that you would drive us there actually," Merlin offered innocently.
"Ah, all becomes clear!" Arthur growled. "You just want a freebie lift."
"Can I get him to call you and explain it to you? Please? Sir?" Merlin found himself almost begging.
"Calling me 'sir' is not going to help your case," Arthur drawled, although Merlin could see that it totally did. He couldn't help it. He just reacted instinctively every time Merlin treated him as his master. Merlin hid his manipulative satisfaction.
That was when the door suddenly crashed open and Uther barged in. This took both of them completely by surprise as neither had known that he was back in Cambridge. Merlin stood up, lowered his eyes and did his best to fade into the background.
"You need to run an errand for me," he told Arthur without preamble. "You need to go to Brecon and pick up a cup. It belongs to the college and it was stolen a couple decades ago, but it has turned up. I haven't got time, so you will go for me."
Arthur looked at Merlin who was chewing his lip to stop himself from sniggering even though his head was bowed, and then he looked up at his father, resigned.
"Will Sunday work for you?"
On Saturday evening it was freezing cold, but the Porsche soon warmed up and Arthur and Merlin set off. Arthur had been playing rugby, so he was tired and cross, especially as they had lost their match, to an Oxford college no less, and Merlin was carefully saying nothing. He had packed an overnight bag for Arthur and himself and they were going to stay in Brecon that night. Arthur drove aggressively, although he did actually mostly stick to the speed limits. Merlin was a bit sad that Kilgharrah had decided not to come with them as he thought that he might have helped Arthur to understand the importance of this 'quest', but instead the dragon had spoken to Arthur on the phone.
They had pub hotel room in Brecon and Arthur had arranged to meet with the man who had the cup outside the cathedral at 9.30am on the Sunday morning. After that, they would drive up into the Beacons and follow the map that Kilgharrah had drawn for them. He had told Merlin that they would only be allowed in if they went together.
'The First Time you kept everything a secret and it made things much harder for both you and your lord, but this time you will have a different type of challenge. Arthur has seen your magic, but he won't believe in your destiny unless he sees it for himself.'
It was late and Arthur was hungry, so he dragged Merlin down to the restaurant and made him order some food. Merlin was too nervous to eat much, and Arthur was being particularly vicious in his jibes about Merlin's pallor and vegetarianism. The pub wasn't particularly busy, so Arthur decided that he wanted to sit in front of the fire with a bottle of wine after the meal and apparently, however much he desired to sit in their room with a book, Merlin had to sit with him.
"Right, tell me why we are going to find this stupid place," Arthur demanded, pouring a glass of red for each of them.
"According to the traditional stories, it's supposed to be the cave where Merlin was imprisoned," Merlin explained again, sipping the wine and finding it quite pleasant.
"You do know that Merlin and King Arthur and all that… it's just made up. It's just some stuff that people used to tell around a fire place because there was no TV."
"To every legend, there is a kernel of truth, and the texts that I study show more than you would think. Besides… Morgause?"
"Yeah, but magic and dragons and all that – it's just kids' stuff, and I know that you think that you are Merlin, but really...?"
"Of course," Merlin agreed. "But think how many places have claimed to be the site from the legends. Part of the fun is actually working out what is true and what was made up, or exaggerated."
"You don't really think we're going to find this cave and… I don't know… set Merlin free or something?" Arthur was on his second glass already.
"I don't really know what we are going to find, I'm hoping that I will find some…. memories of who I was," Merlin admitted. He was actually rather nervous about the whole thing. His book said that the Crystal Cave could tell the future as well as the past and even the present, but it wasn't clear if the future was written in stone or if the events could be changed. After all, what was the point to knowing the future if you couldn't prevent it? Or force it?
"You seem… worried." Arthur tried to be reassuring by patting Merlin on the shoulder rather hard.
"No… not really…" Merlin replied, rubbing his arm. "I just don't know what we will find. Kilgharrah is really insistent on this and… well, it's important for my degree."
"That's not the whole story though, is it? I mean, why would he want me to be here? And how come I had to be here to fetch this cup thing? It can't be coincidence."
Merlin shrugged and asked Arthur about his rugby match. It was gone midnight by the time Arthur had wound down from the disaster that was his team this year. Merlin hadn't realised that Arthur was the captain now and that many of his best players had graduated and moved on. He told Merlin all about the training they were going to do and the plays they were going to learn and Merlin managed to not yawn too obviously.
Sharing such a small room with Arthur was weird, but at least they had a bed each, even if Merlin's was the single. They both turned away from each other to begin with, but then Arthur began to talk again and Merlin wondered if he could get away with pretending he was already asleep.
"So, why do you want to read fusty old manuscripts that may or may not make sense?" Arthur demanded.
Merlin didn't answer so Arthur threw a pillow at him. He turned over to look at the Viscount.
"Didn't you ever wonder how much truth there was in the legends? Why your parents decided to call you Arthur? How you have managed to find other Arthurians? It is because we share a destiny."
"Arthurians?"
"Lancelot, Gwaine, Gwen, even Morgana?"
"So, you honestly think that there's something real in the story?" Arthur asked, grimacing. "That… what, I'm King Arthur reincarnated or something?"
"I have never met anyone else called Merlin. Certainly not Merlin Emrys…. Well, except for a couple of weirdos in the US who changed their names. Why did my parents decide on Merlin as a name? I have read every single scrap of paper which has my name on it, including some truly awful children's books. I always wanted to read the oldest records, to see if there was anything there."
Arthur turned onto his back and considered that. "And what about King Arthur?"
"There was really a great leader who fought at the battle of Badon Hill and also at Camlann and he is referred to as the Chief Prince. Merlin or Myrddin is from a Welsh tradition, but he seems to be a composite of various magic people."
"So neither of us are really real then?" Arthur grinned.
"Dr Kilgharrah suggested that maybe the actual truth was hidden… obfuscated… deliberately."
Arthur was quiet for a while. "So, what are you hoping to find tomorrow?"
"A bit of the truth," Merlin replied.
"In a tourist trap?"
"I won't know until I go there and find out for myself," Merlin shrugged awkwardly.
"And I'm seriously here to be your chauffeur?"
Merlin laughed. "Maybe? Perhaps I can be in charge for once?"
"Nope, not happening!" Arthur chuckled.
"Of course not," Merlin agreed and turned back over.
"Well, I hope you set your alarm – breakfast in bed sounds good."
"You always get breakfast in bed," Merlin reminded him.
"I'm not missing out tomorrow," Arthur decided and he turned off his bedside lamp.
Of course, Merlin was awake and up first. He took over the bathroom and dressed quickly, then he headed down to the bar.
"Morning!" The lady behind the bar greeted. "Where's your other half?"
Merlin thought about that and then snorted. He wondered if he could get the lady to embarrass Arthur for him. Then he tried out the small amount of Welsh he had learned.
"Su'mai, Sut dach chi?"
"Du'in dda. Wyt ti'n siarad Cymraeg?"
"No, not really. I'm learning it as a part of my degree. I do speak Irish though."
"Irish lad are we?" She beamed. "Lovely! And what would you boys like for breakfast then?"
Merlin smiled. "Arthur is quite fond of breakfast in bed," he confided.
"And you are being a good man to him eh? What would you both like? I'll bring yours up too shall I?"
Merlin grinned at her and gave his order.
Arthur was actually up and in the bathroom by the time Merlin got back, so he was doing his usual trick of waiting for Merlin to 'smarten him up', tugging his jumper so it sat properly, when the knock sounded and the lady came in with their tray.
"Oh look at you two! Young love!" She gushed. "Here you are, and don't worry about bringing the trays back later! Take your time!" She giggled and handed Merlin the tray.
Merlin just sniggered at Arthur's dumbfounded expression and enjoyed every second of it.
Even better, as they were heading out later, with Merlin carrying the bags, she grabbed Arthur and pulled him aside to whisper something in his ear. As Merlin loaded the bags he asked, innocently.
"Did she say anything interesting?"
"She advised me to get a ring on your finger!" Arthur frowned. "What did you tell her?"
"Absolutely nothing, sir!" Merlin snorted, grinning.
There was a man in a raincoat standing outside the cathedral and Arthur recognised him from a photo his father had showed him. Merlin was left hanging back in the cold while Arthur spoke to him, then he held up the case he had been carrying and Merlin was called over to hold it while it was opened. There was a gold chalice inside. It had the Pendragon coat of arms on it and the legend 'Courage et puissaunce' engraved underneath, and on the bottom of the bowl was an ancient script, which Merlin didn't have a chance to examine.
"I didn't realise it was from your family," the man said in a lilting Welsh accent. "My Da left it to me and I looked it up and then contacted your people."
"Well, my father is very pleased to have it back," Arthur said, sounding entirely like a prince. "We need to go. I assume that this is everything?"
"Oh yes, thank you," the man responded and Merlin almost expected him to tug a forelock or something.
"Well, good bye then," Arthur said and turned around, dismissing the man.
They stowed the case in the boot in the front of the car and then set off into the hills.
It was a rainy, foggy day and Arthur drove carefully around the precarious roads. Merlin thought privately that it reminded him of the hills around Armagh, or maybe around Donegal. It was very green and, as they turned off onto progressively narrower roads, Merlin couldn't help but be impressed with the beauty of the mountains.
They eventually got to a turning pass by a rough path that headed off into the mountains where Arthur parked and changed into a brand new pair of hiking boots.
"Didn't you think to bring anything other than those trainers?" Arthur questioned with a wrinkled nose.
"I don't own anything else other than my black smart shoes," Merlin shrugged, shouldering the packed lunch. "These will be fine."
Arthur made a 'does not compute' face and then pulled on a thick padded jacket. "What about a warm jacket?"
Merlin shrugged. It was the suede jacket or the grey coat, so he had brought the grey coat as it would survive better in the rain. "I'm wearing three tee shirts," he offered.
Arthur grimaced and then locked the car and crossed the road.
The path was clearly marked toward 'Ogof Grisial' so they set off up the steep sides, over the sheep shorn grass. The path ran along the mountain sides, gradually taking them up higher and higher until they reached the top where they found a modern cairn. The signs ran out and they had to pick their way down the other side and then turn to go through a pass. It was all very open and a bit bleak, but Merlin was really enjoying the feeling of the hills. They weren't 'speaking' to him or anything weird like that, but they felt old and unspoilt.
They kept walking, up and down, deeper into the mountains where there were no roads. They stopped at a small tarn and Arthur declared that it was lunchtime, so they sat under a windswept tree and sheltered from the drizzle, sitting on a picnic blanket. They shared the coffee and then Merlin got up and cleaned the cups and knife in the tarn.
There was a strange light in the water, as though there was something looking back at him, but Merlin shook his head and went back to fold up the picnic blanket and stow it away.
Their path took them further up the mountain side and Merlin began to feel very chilly, but Arthur just shrugged and blamed him for not being prepared for a winter trek. The drizzling rain kept falling and Merlin felt as though he would never be dry again, and still they trudged.
Things started to change when they crested the next hill. Suddenly they found themselves in a rugged area of outcropping rocks and they started to follow a stream up the hill. If the open mountains had been beautiful, then this wooded stream was stunning. The sound of the brook flowing over the stones and the pools and mini waterfalls were just enchanting and they still followed a track that was not man made.
Arthur suddenly stopped and halted Merlin with an arm across his middle.
"What?" Merlin asked, but Arthur shushed him. They both listened and Merlin said, "I can't hear anything."
"Exactly," Arthur agreed. "No rustling, no birds, just the water."
"How far do we have to keep going?"
"We get to a pool soon and then we cross over and we should find a valley. Your friend said that we would know when we saw it." Arthur was still clearly sceptical.
They carried on for another twenty minutes and then came to the pool. It was strangely round and there was a waterfall of about two metres in depth flowing strongly into it. There was also a rickety, crooked, wood bridge that crossed over the stream behind the waterfall, so they clambered up to that and there, on the other side, they saw the valley.
Before they could cross, however, a small man, arms crossed and leaning on the railing, grinned at them with a very knowing expression on his face. Merlin wasn't quite sure whether he had just appeared or if he had been there all along.
"Welcome, it's been a while," he said, moving to block their way, non aggressively.[pppppppppp;'
"Is there an entrance fee?" Arthur asked and the man laughed.
"No, but you need all your court here before you can cross."
"My court?"
"My name is Grettir and we have met before, but not for a very long time. You have probably forgotten by now, but last time you were searching for the Perilous Lands."
"The what?" Arthur asked, completely unimpressed. "Is this some kind of tourist thing?"
"Oh no, it's much more serious than that. Ah, here are the first."
Merlin and Arthur turned around, suddenly hearing voices and approaching footsteps.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Arthur demanded as Gwaine, Gwen, Elyan and Morgana approached. They were all dressed for winter hiking and carried rucksacks, and none of them were surprised to see Arthur or Merlin. "Did you know about this?" Arthur demanded, rounding on Merlin who took a step back.
"No, sir!"
"I had a long chat with Dr Kilgharrah," Morgana told her brother, enjoying the mystery. "He said that we should all be here to learn the truth."
Merlin went over to Gwaine and found himself being hugged.
"I got this weird text message and then got a modelling gig in Cambridge. There was this rough old guy who came over and told me to get to Camelot College."
"It's great to see you, but did Kilgharrah tell you why you are here?" Merlin asked.
"He said that we had to learn the truth," Gwaine laughed. "Very mysterious! Was he your tutor then?"
"Yes, Kilgharrah. He's my supervisor…"
Which was when Gaius and Leon arrived, and, to Merlin's joy, Lancelot. Merlin went to hug the old man who was swiftly becoming a father-figure to him, before launching himself at Lance.
"Is that it?" Arthur asked exasperated. "Did you invite the whole of the college?" he demanded, fishing Merlin out and dragging him back to his side.
"I didn't invite anyone, my lord," Merlin protested as Gwaine and Morgana swapped a £5 note. "They all came because of Kilgharrah."
"You are all here!" Grettir suddenly broke into the chatter and he demonstrated the power he possessed. "I have been waiting to meet some of you for a long time. Strength," he pointed at Gwaine, "You must go first as you have crossed before. Then Wisdom [Gaius], Craft [Elyan], Trust [Leon] and Nobility." He pointed at Lancelot.
They all positioned themselves in order in a horseshoe shape as they were nudged by Grettir.
"Balance, my lady," he pointed at Morgana, "and Love, Your Highness," he pointed at a flustered Gwen, then finally Power and Magic."
"Magic?" Arthur asked.
Merlin shrugged, "I keep telling you, I'm Merlin."
"Do you have the cup?"
"We possess it, but we don't have it here," Merlin explained.
"That's not a problem," Grettir smiled his huge smile. "I am proud to have witnessed this day. On the other side you will need to keep going until you arrive at the cave."
Grettir waved for Gwaine to lead and he started across the bridge, followed by the others in the order the small man had indicated. Then, as Arthur made to stand on the bridge, Grettir stopped him.
"You, Sire, are most welcome – we creatures of magic have been waiting for your return."
Arthur looked at Merlin who was grinning like an idiot.
"After you, my lord," he said and gestured for Arthur to cross the bridge.
The valley was like a gulf cut into the mountain and there had clearly been a river through it at some distant time. The rocks were shaped almost as though a giant toddler had tried making several piles of stones. There were strong layers that had resisted the water and softer layers that hadn't, and all the rocks were covered in grassy moss looking almost unnatural. There were trees on either side and at the entrance there were two rough stone statues – clearly the Fallen Kings. His team were all waiting for him, forming a kind of guard of honour and Gwen stepped forward and held out her hand, which he grasped and Merlin smiled.
"It doesn't look at all like the Tourist Trap," Arthur commented.
"But it's definitely the right place," Merlin agreed. "It feels… sort of creepy."
"Only if you're superstitious," Arthur tutted derisively and he forged ahead.
Merlin followed, the rest of them falling in behind them, but there was something odd about the two stone kings that looked like very mini versions of the ones in the Lord of The Rings, without the river in between. The valley itself was weird. There were more strange rock formations, sticking out in a way that didn't feel natural. The boulders were worn as though by water, but the valley wasn't straight. Then there were the trees and the moss that grew almost out of the rocks themselves, forming half-collapsed caves and outcroppings.
The valley twisted and there were more gargoyle type statues carved into the overgrown cliffs, and they had to pick over boulders and mud, up natural stairs, making their way through brambles and other vegetation. The rock outcroppings gave way to tall trees and the path became more obvious, until they went around a lone, enormous boulder and Merlin suddenly gasped out in alarm.
Arthur turned back to look and Merlin tried to calm himself, but he had suddenly seen an image… Arthur, his Arthur in what looked like armour… with an arrow in his back. Lancelot was by his side in an instant.
"Are you OK?" he asked. "You look kind of shaken."
Merlin just blinked and shook his head. "It's… nothing, it's ok." He looked up at Lance, "a memory… a bad one…" he accepted a reassuring hug.
They advanced a little and then heard a Welsh voice calling out.
"Merlin Emrys!"
They all turned around and found themselves looking at a white-haired man, with a scruffy white beard, wearing some kind of homemade robes that looked like a costume from 'olden days'. He was leaning on a staff and his ragged cloak looked dirty and authentic, and Merlin and Arthur exchanged glances as he came towards them. Again, the team split and allowed him through, but Gwen pushed Arthur forward.
"Emrys and Arthur Pendragon. We meet again!" the old man said in a gentle voice. "Although last time Prince Arthur, you had been felled by an arrow in your back. Your servant here was very upset."
"Do you know us?" Arthur asked, scowling.
"Taliesin," Merlin acknowledged, grinning.
"Indeed, young Emrys. I am Taliesin and I am the guardian of the Crystal Cave."
"Thank you for waiting for us, Great Bard," Merlin said in preprepared Welsh, bowing his head, ignoring Arthur's withering gaze. "I'm afraid I haven't got very far in my studies in Welsh yet, sir," Merlin added in English.
"When you first came, you spoke the tongue of the Britons," Taliesin told them as though this was all quite normal. "And last time your master did not come inside with you, but this time Arthur Pendragon, you will not be handicapped as you were the first time. This time I am sure that the Disir will find you worthy."
"I'm sorry, but what the hell are you talking about?" Arthur demanded, frowning.
Taliesin laughed, "But I can see that, even though you have seen magic, you still have a sense of disbelief about you." He brushed past them both and leaned towards Merlin, not quite whispering. "Your prince is still difficult, I see, but you are still as loyal as you ever were."
He looked around at the assembled team and smiled to each of them.
"Sir Lancelot, Sir Gawain, Sir Elyan, the true Knights of the Round Table. I bid you most welcome. You shall guard your king as he learns the truth. Sir Leon, the First Knight of Camelot, you too are most welcome. Dr Gaius, My Ladies Guinevere and Morgana, your tales are ready to be told as well."
"OK, that's enough! Merlin, come on, we are leaving," Arthur growled. "I can't believe your supervisor made us walk all the way here just to talk to some role playing nutter!"
Merlin glanced at Taliesin to see how he was taking this, but he was relieved to see that the old man was merely amused. It was so weird that with every step he took towards the cave, more memories seemed to slot into place, as though they had just been hidden behind some kind of magic curtain.
"But you haven't seen the Crystal Cave yet!" Taliesin chuckled. "It seems a shame to spend the day walking and then miss the most beautiful thing you will ever see! Only a very few people ever get to see this cave, the birthplace of Magic."
"Please Arthur?" Merlin asked. "It will be worth seeing if nothing else."
"Using my first name again?" Arthur growled, looking around at the expectant faces all turned on himself.
"Yes, my lord," Merlin grinned unrepentantly. "And I am going in, even if you don't."
"You were very afraid the first time you came here, Emrys. The second time you were desperate, and the third time you decided to be reborn, to greet your master as he walked the earth again."
"You've been here before?" Arthur asked, rounding on Merlin, but this time Merlin didn't react. "Why didn't you say?"
"I think…" Merlin said carefully, "I think that all our questions will be answered inside. Master Taliesin?"
"Yes Master Emrys?" Taliesin countered.
"Do we both have to enter? Can I go in alone?"
Taliesin considered. "My memory tells me that you both entered, so if only you go in, it will change things."
"And our friends?"
"Your knights and ladies have their own truths to hear, but you and your lord must go first, for the King and his servant are both sides of the same coin."
Merlin had a fleeting thought that a Welshman in a wizarding robe spouting weird stuff about memories of things that hadn't happened yet and tossing around old-fashioned words should probably sound odd, but this was his life.
"If we follow you do you get your Equity card?" Arthur called out, still mocking the whole thing, but Taliesin just smiled and walked further down the path.
Merlin followed and Arthur shrugged tagged along, until they came to a fissure in the rock.
Taliesin stopped and pointed. "The Crystal Cave is through this rock and only those born of Magic are able to see it and enter."
To Merlin this wasn't news, but Arthur was still scoffing.
"You're not really listening to this rubbish are you Merlin? I mean, honestly…"
"Arthur!" Merlin interrupted and fixed him with the strongest glare he could manage. "This is important. We have to go in."
"You're serious!" Arthur sounded alarmed now.
"I am, it's… it's more than just your name. You are Arthur, the Once and Future King."
"The what? You mean like Wart and T H White? Bloody hell, Merlin, they made that into a Disney film!"
"Arthur…" Merlin tried again. "Look, it harms no one. I was terrified the first time I came here because I had seen a vision of the future already and I couldn't tell whether what I was seeing was supposed to warn me, or if I was supposed to change it. I saved your father's life that day."
"What are you…"
"Come inside," Merlin interrupted. "Please?"
Arthur contemplated Merlin's earnest expression for a long minute, then looked at his friends all gathered around, watching them advance, then his expression softened and he grinned. "Acknowledge that I am your master!"
Merlin rolled his eyes, "Yes oh great Master, I live to serve. Now get in that bloody cave!"
Arthur gave Merlin one more withering glare, locked eyes for a moment with Gwen and then he pushed past Merlin and ducked through the cave entrance. Merlin looked back at Gaius, who smiled at him and nodded, and Taliesin followed chuckling to himself.
At first it was just a cave. There were stone sides and the floor was uneven, but as the two lads went around a turn they came across an incredible sight. Embedded in the rocks all around the cavern were white crystals that seemed to give off their own light. They glowed as though there were light bulbs hidden inside them and they glistened like oversized fairy lights. The cave was deep and echoed as they stepped forwards.
Then it hit him and Merlin cried out as if in pain, although it wasn't really pain. It was as though he had just stepped into a waterfall of the strength of Niagara. Fifteen hundred years hit him in one huge punch and he fell to the floor, wailing.
"Merlin?" Arthur ran to his side where Merlin was breathing hard and whimpering.
"Ar…Arthur? You… you're really here?" Merlin gasped, grabbing Arthur's arm, his face wet with tears.
"Yes…. What is it? What are you… what happened?"
"I waited… I waited so long!" Merlin hiccupped. "You didn't come and then… then you're here!" He grabbed Arthur and patted him all over, making sure that he really was there.
"Yes, I'm here," Arthur frowned.
"You're really here…" Merlin sobbed. "You… you're in the cave… Oh, the crystals! You must see the crystals! Sire, please."
"But you're…"
"I'm fine… I just… I had forgotten. But you need to look…" Merlin sank to the floor as though exhausted.
"What is this place?" Arthur asked. "And don't say it's the Crystal Cave, I can see that!"
"It is the birthplace of Magic," Taliesin announced. "This is the cradle of power where those who are touched by Magic are welcome."
"How am I touched by magic?" Arthur demanded, unconsciously pressing the distraught Merlin behind him protectively.
"You were born of magic Arthur Pendragon, son of Uther and Igraine. You are the Once and Future King and the Herald of Albion," Taliesin intoned.
"Do these crystal make you high or something?" Arthur scoffed.
"Arthur," Merlin warned tiredly and wetly, speaking with hiccupping sobs. "Look into the crystals and you will see."
"Now you're at it! What the hell is wrong with you?"
But Merlin wasn't listening as a grey man with long hair and piercing eyes was staring at them.
"Who are you?" Arthur asked and Merlin could tell that he was unnerved.
"Father," Merlin said, getting back to his feet and grinning widely, even though the tears were still falling.
"You remember me, Son?" Balinor asked.
"Of course! You gave me my magic back!" Merlin answered, cuffing the tears away. "I was so hoping that you would be here!"
"I would never miss an opportunity to talk to you, my son. I miss you and yet I have watched you throughout all your life."
"I… I remember, Father. I remember your death, I remember you coming to me in this cave before the battle… I was so scared because I had lost my magic and I felt so weak, but you gave me strength."
"Is that Irish?" Arthur asked Taliesin who laughed.
"It is the language of the dragons. Merlin and his father, Balinor, are Dragon Lords."
"That's… Merlin? Is this…?"
"Yes my lord, this is my father, Balinor. He died saving my life and he also saved yours too."
"Are you a.. a ghost?" Arthur asked.
"I am a shade, chosen by Magic to guide my son and his master," Balinor explained. "This is your first time here, but you will not leave without understanding your past and your present. If you are allowed to see the future, and that is up to the Goddess, then you will understand that too."
"My lord, look into the crystals, please," Merlin asked formally.
Arthur was used to being the centre of attention. He had always been charismatic and his personality demanded respect and obedience, but he was a little disconcerted to find that his servant, the role-playing actor and the ghost were all looking at him, waiting for him.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked in the end. "No…" he interrupted as all three stepped forward. "Merlin… I trust you. Tell me what to do."
"Thank you, Sire," Merlin beamed, wiping away the last tear. "Look around and you will be drawn to a crystal. Each crystal holds a memory, whether it is a memory of the past, the present or the future. You will know where to look."
"Will you look?"
"I know my past and my present. I remembered it all as soon as I entered the cave. I don't actually know if I will be allowed to see the future." Merlin told him.
"OK… when you say you know your past…"
Merlin drew himself up and stood with pride to announce. "I am Merlin Emrys. In a way, I have actually been trapped in the cave, or at least my memories were, although I have to categorically state that Nimueh had nothing whatsoever to do with it! I bumped her off back when we were still getting to know each other. I had forgotten until now because I chose to be reborn so that I could serve you better."
"What does that even mean?"
Merlin fixed Arthur with his gaze and spoke sincerely, without even blinking. "Arthur, you are my King, my lord, my master and I have waited fifteen hundred years for you. I was the Merlin of legend and I will be the Merlin of this new legend. You are King Arthur."
Arthur looked around the cave and Merlin could see the moment he spotted the first crystal that was grown for him. He watched over his King as he saw episodes from the past, from the time when he was Prince Arthur and his life as a knight. Merlin couldn't see what Arthur was seeing, but Arthur kept saying things like 'No!' and 'That's my father!' and 'No, not Morgana!' and 'Merlin, how could you?'.
He was pulled to several crystals, each one causing the king joy, or great sadness, or confusion and he made his way deeper and deeper into the cave. Time had no meaning.
As Arthur made his way into the second cavern, where the crystals looked like glass roses, Balinor stepped in front of his son.
"He will need you after this. Your task will be easier in some ways, but harder in others. This world is not like ours, which is why you chose to be born again, to live a life that he would understand. You are still the Last Dragon Lord, Merlin."
"I think that I misunderstood my purpose in that first life." Merlin admitted. "Kilgharrah told me, but I only now see what he meant. I believed that the only thing that would make Albion would be the rebirth of Magic, but it wasn't about Magic at all. It was about Justice and Freedom and Fairness, and Magic was only a tiny part of it. I was selfish."
Taliesin put his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Your master needs you, Emrys. This last journey you must make together."
Merlin nodded and followed Arthur into the third cavern. This one was almost entirely made of crystal and he had not seen it before. Last time he had been transported to something that he would now think of as another dimension, but this time he was taken to a small hole. Arthur was already climbing into the small space, but he moved so that Merlin could join him.
Merlin looked at Arthur's face and he saw that he had tears falling down his cheeks.
"My lord?"
"I saw my mother, Merlin. I saw her as she was then, just like in the vision that Morgause showed me, only she was properly alive. She was beautiful."
"Morgause showed you a shade of your mother," Merlin said gently. "She was like the shade of my father here, an echo, but still the essence of who he was. He is always with me and she is always with you now."
"The shade blamed my father, but I just saw how much they loved each other. You were right to stop me from killing him, Merlin."
"I have always served you, Arthur. Everything I did was always for you."
Arthur nodded. "And here?"
Merlin shrugged. "I'm not sure. I've never found this cave before."
They both looked around and then spotted the crystal that was attracting them. It was large, maybe the largest crystal in the cave and its light was more golden than white. They exchanged glances and then looked.
It was the scene from the last time they were together. They both watched as Mordred killed Arthur and Merlin came to him and took him to Avalon. They listened to Gaius finally telling Arthur the truth and then to their former selves talking about Merlin's magic and what had happened, Merlin's alter ego and the dragon. Then they watched as Arthur finally died while Merlin grieved painfully, and then as Merlin took him, via dragon, to Avalon and made his final farewells.
Shakily they both climbed out of the final cave and looked at each other, both allowing tears to fall, both looking to each other for strength. As they looked shakily around the cave, they realised that the others had all entered as well and it was obvious that they had all watched their own crystals. Some were crying and some were a bit scared. Gwaine and Elyan were clearly shaken and Gwen was holding her brother's hand, but Lance was proud.
Then Merlin turned to Arthur and dropped to one knee and bowed his head. "Forgive me," he pleaded.
"Merlin…"
"Please my lord, forgive me for messing everything up, for not being good enough. Forgive me for failing…"
"Merlin," Arthur responded with his hand on Merlin's shoulder, "you never failed me. You brought about a much more tolerant and progressive nation, you forged a tale that would inspire for 1500 years and… and you waited for me. All that time…"
"Everything I have ever done was always for you. To begin with it was destiny and a meddling dragon, but then you proved to me that you were the Once and Future King."
"Destiny?" Arthur crouched and urgently held both of Merlin's shoulders. "You were forced?"
"No… I chose you." Merlin's sky blue eyes pierced Arthur's worried gaze. "I chose to be yours and to do anything I possibly could for you. I said it a few times back in those days, but I am saying it again, now, here in the Crystal Cave where I was created. I will serve you, Arthur Pendragon, willingly. I am happy to be your servant until the day I die."
For a moment, the vow pinged around the echoing cave and they both stayed still to allow it to settle. Then Arthur held out his hand and Merlin took it, allowing himself to be pulled up, and they clasped arms in the manner of knights back in those days.
"Merlin Emrys, I accept your service gladly and ask that you guide me to create the true Albion," Arthur said clearly and with purpose and again, the statement flew around the cave, echoing and portentous.
Merlin bowed and stepped back to allow Arthur to turn to his subjects.
All of them, without exception, fell to one knee.
Merlin looked around the group and looked back to see his father bow his head and then fade away, which brought another tear to his eye, but his father had always been there and he always would.
Arthur took a step forward and then he spoke.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I thank you for coming today. We know who we are and who we want to be. There are two more tasks for me to complete before I can start my journey to creating Albion, but I am humbly grateful that you are willing to come with me.
Rise Morgana, my sister, you never kneel to me. You bring Balance because you know the truth of evil, even though you choose against it. Elyan, rise please, you are Craft. You will create the tools we need. Gaius, you are Wisdom and I ask you to advise me as you always have, although now without the fear." He stepped forward and helped Gaius to his feet. "Leon, you are the First Knight, my deputy, please rise. Guinevere, you are Love because you bring so much love into our world and I love you, my Queen." He helped her up and kissed her hand. "Gwaine, my friend, you are Strength because you keep us all going, you read our emotions and raise our spirits, please rise. Lancelot, noblest of all the knights, you are Nobility, trust and truth, please rise and lead us out into the valley."
Lance turned and left, proudly leading their team.
Merlin stopped as he followed his king and bowed to Taliesin. "I didn't see the future," he said quietly.
"This time, the future is for you to determine," the old man told him, "but this is yours. Not stolen as other crystals were, but freely given to one who belongs here."
He handed Merlin a perfect and uncracked crystal, with a facet that was so pure it was almost a mirror. Merlin took it gingerly and wrapped it in the leather bag that Taliesin offered.
"Diolch yn fawr," he said to the old man who smiled and then faded away.
Outside the cave the group just looked at each other. No one spoke because no one could find the words. Arthur pulled Gwen to himself and they clung to each other, thinking of a past life and a future love. The knights gathered together and looked carefully at each other as though re-learning themselves and their friends.
Lance approached Merlin and pulled him into a hug and Merlin found himself clinging to him for a moment, then Lance captured his eyes and nodded and Merlin felt a thrill of happiness course through him.
Arthur broke the silence.
"We will make camp here. I know that we don't have tents or equipment, but I have a feeling about this valley. Merlin, collect firewood."
"I haven't heard you say that for fifteen hundred years, Sire," Merlin chuckled.
"I'll help," Lance offered and Merlin nodded.
Behind them they could hear Leon offering to hunt and Morgana and Gwen offering to help with shelter, even producing sleeping bags which they had carried between them.
"Merlin?" Merlin looked at Lance who was holding a good bundle of sticks. "I remember."
"You remember the veil?"
Lance nodded. "I thought that I was broken hearted because Guinevere had chosen Arthur, but… Do you remember the Dorocha? Do you remember how you threw yourself into one and I had to take you back to Gaius?"
"I do. I thought I was saving Arthur."
"I met the Vilia," he confided and Merlin grinned.
"They are so beautiful," he enthused and Lancelot matched his grin. "I haven't seen them in a long while. They hid from Morgana."
"They healed you and… you were shining with their power and… Merlin, when I stepped into the veil… I did it for you."
For one astonished moment, Merlin just looked at his boyfriend. "Me?"
"Not Gwen, not Arthur, not Camelot…You were so intent on sacrificing yourself… I did it to stop you because you were so needed. Arthur needed you… I couldn't let you die, not when I could take your place... even the bloody dragon didn't want you to go!"
"No one… not for me…" Merlin replied brokenly.
"You are so beautiful, Merlin. Your soul is amazing and I watched you… I met Freya… and Balinor and even Hunith when you sent them to Avalon. You are so loved, Merlin."
Merlin could feel hot tears gathering and then falling and then Lancelot kissed him and suddenly nothing else mattered. They kissed and kissed, sticks tumbling out of their arms and then Lancelot gathered Merlin into his arms and just held him. Merlin lifted his right hand and ran it through Lance's hair, staring into those beautiful eyes and wondering at the love he saw there, the love that he had never once thought he could have.
"Arthur?" he asked once the first rush was over.
Lancelot smiled earnestly, "I swore to serve him because he fought for what was right. He saw the potential in me before anyone else… apart from you, of course. He is my King, and he is your master, but you are my love and I will protect you to my dying breath."
Merlin clung to Lance for a fierce hug and placed his head on the knight's shoulder, relishing the feeling of being protected and cherished.
"Still need to build a fire," he whispered.
Lance chuckled. "Never change, Merlin."
They gathered the fallen wood and took it back to the cosy hollow where the winter weather was completely irrelevant. Merlin took some of the sticks and laid them properly, then he held out his hand and said, "Forbærnen" and the fire lit immediately.
There were gasps all around, although Gaius criticised him, "You didn't have to say it or gesture."
"Can you do that, Gaius?" Gwen asked.
"Yes," Gaius answered with that expression they all remembered, the one that said that he knew everything, "but I try not to. He is made of Magic, he is Magic and he doesn't need to say his spells or wave his hand about."
"But it looks much better when I do!" Merlin giggled and Lance sat next to him and put his arm around him.
"Merlin? Lance? Still?" Arthur asked.
"With your permission, Sire," Lance said and Merlin blushed.
"Granted," Arthur smiled and everyone grinned and laughed when Lance caught Merlin's mouth in a kiss.
"Lance, you got there first," Gwaine conceded, "but you hurt him and there won't be anything left of you to send on a boat to Avalon!"
Lancelot grinned and nodded. "Noted, Sir Gwaine."
There was more jostling and camaraderie, and eating of the rabbits that Leon and Elyan had caught, telling everyone the story of the 'mighty battle' and the silly argument they had had about catching and roasting a lamb. Merlin and Morgana saw to the cooking and Gaius found plenty of old wild parsnip to add to the ingredients Merlin had brought with him. Merlin showed Morgana how magically to boil water and told them all of the time he had boiled Arthur's bath water. Then, as they all ate and darkness fell, Arthur spoke up.
"I have two quests. I must retrieve Excalibur from the lake and I must found the Round Table. I am not looking to be a king. This is not the kind of age where a king is needed, but we are needed. Look at the leadership in the major countries. Democracy is failing, racism and bigotry are on the rise, violence and hardship are all around us, people have forgotten how to listen and hear and these are the causes we will fight for. We may not need swords and knighthoods, but we do need our skills and we will work as a team. It won't be quick or easy and it may be that no one will ever know of what we have achieved, but we don't fight for Glory. We fight for Albion and Camelot."
"For the Love of Camelot!" Gwen cried and everyone joined in with the repetition.
Merlin stood and suddenly spoke in a language that none of them (except Morgana) knew and the earth started shivering, plants and rocks began to reform and they built themselves up, weaving and twisting until there was a room all around them, with a hole for the smoke from the fire. Merlin carried on waving his hands and speaking in the strange language that seemed to bubble up from inside his body. Plants weaved themselves into pallets until everyone had a bed to lie on and they all stood and looked around in wonder. It was all lit by glowing balls of light in slightly different colours that floated above them.
"How?" Arthur asked, stunned.
"This is the cradle of Magic, my lord," Merlin explained easily. "My magic is most powerful here, and I have always been better at elemental spells than any other."
"True," Gaius nodded. "He's completely hopeless at healing. How many times did you completely fail to heal Arthur?"
Merlin blushed, abashed. "Too many times. He's right, I'm pants at it." They all laughed and Lancelot hugged him again.
"We need to set a guard," Arthur announced.
"No need, Sire," Merlin told him. "My magic won't let anyone near. We can all sleep in safety."
Arthur looked around and then left the… shelter or whatever it was, a globe of bright white following him.
"Merlin, out here please," he commanded.
Merlin looked at Lance who gave him an encouraging smile.
"Sire?"
"Can you…" Arthur waved his hands around awkwardly. "Seats, I need something to sit on."
Merlin drew up words from inside and then held out his hand. The sticks around gathered up and formed themselves into a chair, just like Arthur's favourite one from Camelot.
"My chair… now one for yourself."
"I don't…" Arthur gave him a look, so Merlin nodded and made a chair for himself which looked more like a stool.
"I remember everything. I remember my father dying and then when he came back as a ghost and I had to banish him. I remember Guinevere and Lancelot and how he killed himself twice for her."
"My lord?" Merin interrupted. "He loved Gwen, but he also loved me and you. Then… Morgana and Agravaine… they brought back his shade and made him do their bidding. Just like with your mother, he was brought back to destroy you… it wasn't his fault."
"But she still kissed him," Arthur reminded him sadly, as though it hadn't all happened a millennium and a half ago.
"She had an enchanted bracelet. She always loved you. Lancelot is beautiful and noble and it is an amazing thing to have his attention, so there was attraction there, but she loved… loves you."
Arthur thought about that and then nodded. "I forgave her and married her, then Morgana again…"
"You forget, Sire, Morgana was afraid and knew that she would be executed if your father had found out about her magic. She went to Morgause who… turned her with hate and blame. And I… it was my fault that she went to Morgause. I should have helped her and made her feel her magic, but… we were all so afraid."
"Why were you afraid? If you had been discovered you could have escaped, used your magic and avoided the pyre."
"No, my lord, I couldn't. My magic has always been for you and I couldn't leave you."
"But what if I had discovered it? What if I had… I could have…"
Merlin stared into Arthur's eyes and spoke with utter conviction. "If you had discovered my magic then I would have taken whatever your decision was and lived with it, or died with it."
"Even if…"
"My greatest fear was always that you would exile me. I would have died for you a thousand times over, but if you had… thrown me away… I still fear that. I remember you sent me away when I finally did tell you and… it broke my heart. I couldn't bear that… you rejected me. Every time, over the centuries, at the lowest points that moment, when you told me to leave you… played over and over…"
Arthur put his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "You were always my best and most loyal friend. I can't believe all the times I didn't trust you. If I had only trusted you every single time…"
"I tried, but… Morgana was your sister, Agravaine was the last member of your family and… you are intensely loyal yourself, even to me, and you couldn't understand why others weren't the same. Your best friends in the end weren't the noble boys you grew up with, but the commoner knights that you chose yourself and they repaid your loyalty with their own."
"Tell me about Mordred."
Merlin sighed and tried to organise his thoughts. "Such a lot has happened since then and I spent at least a century just trying to work out what I should have done."
"A century…" Arthur questioned.
"Emrys… it means immortal. I was created to serve you and I knew that you would one day come back, but… I came the long way around. My father told me that I was and I always would be… he meant that I would never die… Once Albion was gone and the Saxons took over our land, I travelled everywhere. I had no one left and nothing to tie me to Albion, so I went everywhere I could, but every hundred years or so, I came back to the lake… Every time I hoped…"
"Mordred?" Arthur nudged.
"Yes, sorry… Mordred was destined to be your doom and… he was always going to kill you, but I really hoped that it would happen after a hundred years of Albion. When we helped that little kid to escape, we were starting a series of events that eventually led to our downfall. Morgana was betrayed by your father and…"
"Stop!"
"I'm sorry, my lord, but… it all started with your father grieving for your mother and blaming magic."
"It wasn't his fault! It was Nimueh…" Merlin stood and bowed. "What? What is that? You never do that!"
"I serve you, my lord, and you have my loyalty now and always, but that doesn't mean that you can't be wrong."
"Defiant Merlin!" Arthur chuckled. "Never thought I'd see that."
"Oh come on! When did I ever obey you if I didn't want to? I did a lot of things behind your back… but I never did anything to harm you in any way. I never could. But your father… he murdered a lot of people."
"Murdered?" Arthur frowned.
Merlin nodded ruefully, "He had the power to execute people without even listening to arguments. He nearly killed Gwen. All it took was for someone to say 'sorcery' and he would condemn."
"I tried to stop it…" Arthur protested feebly.
"I lived with that fear all my life… you have to understand that it was terrifying to be condemned for something that you couldn't even help, especially as I didn't know that I was immortal. My nightmares have always centred around fear of the fire… the pyre. Morgana was turned to evil because your father made her life forfeit if she ever told the truth. All that passion turned to hate…"
"Mandrake roots didn't help either.." said a voice that made Merlin turn around surprised.
"Mandrake… of course! They were under the King's bed and… that's how you knew about them! I'm so sorry, my lady…"
"What? What are you talking about?" Arthur asked as Morgana sat on the bench next to Merlin.
"It is a way of making someone… rewriting them," Morgana explained and Merlin looked pained. "I went to Morgause because she had some answers and… she was my sister. I hated Uther so much because of all the suffering he caused. He ripped apart families and made whole tribes live in such fear and… he never told me that he was my father, I had to overhear him telling Gaius. Morgause kept me in a tower surrounded by Mandrake roots and… reprogrammed me. The Teine Diaga. I did far worse to Gwen when I had her in the same tower, but I hated you too because you didn't see that magic is just a tool."
"It's different now," Arthur tried.
"It is," Morgana agreed, "and I was sent back with all that conditioning gone. I never had someone who loved me to take me to the Cauldron of Arianrhod. I didn't have anyone who could have performed the rite."
"Oh… the weird witch woman who liked to be paid in dresses?" Arthur smiled.
"The Dolma," Merlin sniggered. "I couldn't believe it when Gaius said he'd chosen a woman! I swear he just liked to embarrass me…"
"That…"
"Was me, yes. I could have done the ritual as myself if I had had the courage to tell you the truth."
"And the dress?" Arthur asked.
"It fell out of my bag! I had to think of something! And bloody Mordred, he knew who I was," Merlin smiled. "Mordred was ready to be one of your special knights, but… that stupid Druid girl he was in love with… and… things just all went wrong… and in the end I had to kill you, my lady."
Morgana nodded. "I was so filled with hate and it's not as though I hadn't done awful things to you, Merlin. The formorrah?"
"I was a crap assassin…"
"Assassin?" Arthur squeaked. "You?"
"We have ten years' worth of things to talk about, Sire, and I swear that I will answer every single question you have with complete honesty. That is something I can offer you now that I was never able to offer you before."
"Tell me about being an assassin," Arthur demanded.
"I don't remember any of it myself. Gaius and Gwen told me afterwards. Arthur…"
"Merlin?"
"Come inside. Be our leader. I'm yours again and I will reveal everything to you…"
"Ew! Please don't!" Arthur grimaced and Merlin laughed.
"I know you don't believe me, but you're not my type!"
Morgana joined the others in the shelter so Merlin dispelled the stool and spoke quietly.
"I love Lancelot, but you are my master and the only person who could ever truly command me. My magic is yours and everything I have is yours…"
"I understand, Merlin. I really do. I don't deserve such loyalty and I don't understand why you would offer me such a thing, but I believe you. Every other person in my whole life betrayed me…"
"Gwen never did so willingly and Gaius loved you like a son, but… I lied to you. I did it a lot."
"And yet you were so bad at it! One of the last things I asked you… why do you still act like a servant? Why are you…? You have so much power…"
"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to quote Spiderman!" Merlin grinned. "With great power comes great responsibility. I am not a leader and I don't want power, the Druids used to bow and kneel and call me Emrys, but they never understood. They thought I would be a great leader who would give them freedom… if Morgause hadn't ripped open the veil and let out the Dorocha, it may even have come to pass, but she created a new future where Albion would fail and we would all become legends. I was never going to be a king because I don't use my magic for anything other than the good of your kingdom and yourself. That was where the priestesses of the Old Religion got it wrong. I harnessed myself to your service."
"And now?"
"Now we should probably sleep. This is all new…"
Arthur nodded and stood, and the chair melted away, then Merlin followed him back into the shelter where Gwen embraced her once-husband and took him over to the larger bed she had claimed. Lance did the same with Merlin.
"Are you OK?" Lance asked as Merlin sat down with him.
"Yes, very much so. We're going to get it right this time. He can trust me and I can trust him. No more hiding…" he yawned and Lance pulled him down to lie with him. "I haven't brushed my teeth."
Lance laughed. "I think they'll survive one night. Come on, switch that big brain off and let go."
Merlin laid his head on Lance's shoulder and smiled. It was just as he had dreamed it would be. His head fitted perfectly and those strong arms held him safely, and he had a new safe place.
When morning came, Morgana boiled water magically and Gwen produced a jar of instant coffee and a bag full of paper cups. The morning was crisp and bright and the shelter was dispelled, leaving only the pallets as seats. Gwaine and Lance collected more firewood and they all looked to Arthur, who was still clutching Gwen's hand.
"Our first priority is to find Excalibur. It is in the Lake of Avalon, so Merlin and I will go and fetch it. You must all go back to Cambridge and start training."
"Training?" Lance asked.
"Yes, combat. We don't need swords this time, but we do need skills. Gwen and Morgana have done some self-defence and Leon is very handy in a fight, as are you Gwaine."
"I have done some karate, but it was a while ago," Lance offered.
"Good. Leon, you are my First Knight just as you were back then. You must lead the sessions and find out what we need. Elyan?"
"I have learned a lot while travelling, I can look after myself."
"Excellent, then you will also join the sessions. Leon, you can use the gym at the Lodge or hire a hall at the college. Even the cricket pavilion if you get stuck."
"Yes Sire," Leon agreed.
"Give Leon the credit card Merlin. You can pay for anything with that – Merlin will tell you his PIN."
Leon took the plastic card and nodded.
"Gaius, we will most likely need your medical skills. There will be actual fighting and your help as back-up will be invaluable." Gaius bowed his head. "We have one other task to do and then we will call for you all to meet and train together. Thank you so much for joining me and I hope that you can all process the… the weirdness of this trip."
They all left the valley, expecting to find the rickety bridge and maybe even Grettir, but instead they found themselves next to the lake by the windswept tree.
"What the hell?" Arthur expressed what they were all thinking.
"Magic," Merlin sniffed.
"We were allowed in because we are touched by Magic," Morgana explained. "I was never able to find this place until I stole Merlin's magic and the crystal never worked for me as it did for Morgause. I'm not afraid anymore and Uther can't do anything to me."
"He's still my father," Arthur grumped.
"And he is still going to be against everything that we are," Morgana protested. "I may not hate him the way I used to, but I'm still not ever going to be his biggest fan. He is so convinced that only he is right and he is addicted to power."
"We need to get back," Arthur insisted, neither agreeing nor disagreeing and he set off at a brisk pace in the direction of the pathway.
"He is Lord Uther's son," Merlin whispered to Morgana. "He will always want to love him and revere him."
"But Uther's an autocratic pig!"
"I know, but… we saved this old lady from a pyre in a village once, although she died anyway, but before she died, she gifted him a horn, the Horn of Cathbhadh," Morgana shook her head to indicate that she didn't know of it. "At Beltane you go to the Dance of Nemeton and blow the horn, the veil opens and you can talk to ghosts."
"He called Uther back?" Morgana guessed.
"He wasn't a happy bunny," Merlin smiled grimly. "He told Arthur that he had destroyed everything that he had worked for. Arthur came away devastated and…"
"He looked back?" Morgana guessed.
Merlin nodded. "We had to deal with a ghost who wanted to kill Gwen and the knights… and me, especially when he learned about my magic. Arthur had to blow the horn again to make Uther return. He was so… sorrowful. Puppy dog eyes and everything."
Morgana linked her arm through Merlin's. "Arthur has always been almost abused by Uther. Uther places great burdens on him and expects him to be as he is. Arthur is strong and determined, but he has the compassion that Uther lacks." She stopped suddenly and turned Merlin towards her. "I was so afraid and so angry… and I let that rule me. If I had known why you poisoned me… No," she shook her head and gave Merlin a small smile. "I do know why you did that. You had to save everyone, which is what you always do. While we were dragging Uther's damned body around the castle, you were off trying to work out how to save us all… you all. And…"
"I told Morgause how to save you," Merlin reminded her. "I'm so sorry – I really meant that, even then, even though I knew that you were working against my lord. I… I caused you to nearly die another time as well. It was my fault that you fell down those stairs… You tripped because I distracted you… everyone was so upset, so miserable and I couldn't bear it. I knew that you… I saw you in the Crystal of Neahtid, so I knew you were going to try to kill Uther, but I used my magic and… I'm horrible at healing magic, but it worked and… I had to stop you…"
"Why did you keep saving Uther's life? Why didn't you just let him die?" Morgana demanded loudly, causing the group to stop and look at them.
"I couldn't… I couldn't let Arthur suffer… he… it was always about him, always about Arthur. I was created for him."
"But Uther would have put you down if he had known."
"He told me once that I was valuable ally in the fight against Sorcery!" Merlin chuckled ruefully. "And then he promised to hang me straight afterwards if I ever told anyone about Arthur wanting to kill him."
"I never did work out how he managed to stay alive," Gaius put in with a smile, putting his hands on Merlin's shoulders. "He should have had his head chopped off too many times to count."
"It was when Morgause ripped open the veil that our destinies all changed and I became your doom," Merlin told Morgana. "It hardened your heart against all those who loved you."
"I was certain that she was the only person who loved me… ew, except Agravaine – he was and still is a creep!" Morgana grimaced.
"That I can agree with!" Gwen called out. "Did he ever play with your hair?"
"No, he was too afraid of me," Morgana grinned. "What happened to him in the end?"
Everyone looked around at everyone else and then realised that they were all looking at Merlin.
"I… um killed him with magic…" he admitted, then he gave his justification. "I gave him every chance, but then… he charged at me and I… er…"
"Threw him up against a wall?" Morgana asked.
"No point messing with a classic," Merlin shrugged. "You and I must have blasted each other… hundreds of times. How did you never realise I had magic?"
"I think the Goddess must have decreed it," Morgana shrugged. "Merlin, it wasn't me. It was a creature born out of evil and hate and those damned mandrake roots. And I will never go down that path again. I choose love!"
There was a crack of thunder and a dagger of lighting from nowhere and Merlin smiled. "The Goddess heard you," he told her. "The Triple Goddess, the hag, the mother and the maiden and you have rejected the hag. I can't help think that that's a good thing."
They got back to the car park in good time with most of the trek being downhill and they split to head back. Merlin and Arthur climbed into the Porsche and watched all the others leave before Arthur spoke.
"I don't suppose you have a post code for the Lake of Avalon?"
Merlin laughed. "No, sorry. But I have visited the lake many times over the years, waiting for a sign of your return. We need to head back towards the Forest of Dean, towards Chepstow and Tintern. Then I will have to do a bit of magic as it is inaccessible unless you know it. You may even find that you are guided there anyway as you were there for… for such a long time." He didn't know if Arthur had caught the trip in his voice. It had been bliss to live without the knowledge of all that time, but now it was all back, unlocked, and he remembered the loneliness and longing that had dogged his existence. He remembered all the travels and the history, the waxing and waning of countries, empires, and always wondering if things were bad enough now for Arthur to come back and give his life purpose again.
He felt a warm presence on his shoulder and realised that Arthur had placed a hand there, offering silent comfort and he smiled and pushed the depression away. Arthur was here, now.
The hour long journey passed quickly and they parked in Tintern, making a stop for an early lunch, and looking at the roofless abbey, before Merlin led the way into the forest.
Arthur kept saying things like 'it doesn't feel very lakey around here' and 'it's not magic, it's a tree', but Merlin ignored him and concentrated on following the path that only he could see.
The sounds of modern life were no longer audible and there were no more roads or paths, but rather animal tracks, and soon, even Arthur couldn't deny that they were no longer in Modern Wales. They saw deer, grazing happily, unaffected by their presence and rabbits, hares and squirrels, and the signs of Winter disappeared.
"Why is it so warm?" Arthur asked shedding his coat.
"Because the seasons are kept by the guardians of Avalon and the Lady, and I think the Lady is expecting us."
"You're talking gibberish again," Arthur complained.
"When we see strawberries, we'll be there."
They trekked on a bit more and then Merlin gave a shout of joy. "Strawberries!"
"What? Where?"
Merlin showed him the patch by a rock and, even though it was technically winter, they were fully grown. Merlin picked two and handed one to Arthur.
"That is the best strawberry I have ever eaten!" Arthur enthused and bent to pick another, but Merlin held him back.
"This is a sacred place and you can't just help yourself. One each is fine, but that is all," Merlin informed him and Arthur made a pouting face, but he didn't take another.
They carried on through the trees where there was no sign of a path or any kind of human involvement, but Merlin knew where he was going because this was a place that he knew well. Travel was slow going, but they soon came upon a clearing where they saw a white horse, shining in the sun. It was only when the horse turned its head around that they realised the truth.
"Is that… a unicorn?" Arthur gasped.
Merlin was grinning like an idiot. He hadn't seen a unicorn since the day when Arthur restored one and he had forgotten how magical it had been. He walked forward carefully, but the unicorn came towards him, trusting and gentle. "You are so beautiful," he told it.
"I never thought I would be allowed to see one again," Arthur marvelled and Merlin beamed at him. It turned its head and allowed Arthur to touch it as well and Merlin felt it quiver.
"The creatures of Magic are being called back," he told his King. "They are reacting to your presence."
"That's not quite true," Arthur replied. "They are reacting to both of us working together."
Merlin was completely gobsmacked, which made Arthur laugh. He had never really understood his own importance… never had felt at all important. Was it true? Were they all reacting to him as well?
Arthur nudged him. "Come on, we still have a way to go."
They set off again, ducking under and clambering over the tangle of trees until suddenly they stepped through an old, twisted yew tree and found themselves in front of a lake, glittering in the sun, with a hill and a tor on an island in the middle.
"Do you recognise it?"
Arthur looked at the tor and nodded, but didn't speak.
Merlin went to the edge of the water and placed his hand on the surface in front of him.
"Freya?" he called.
"Who is Freya?" Arthur asked.
"An old girlfriend," Merlin explained.
"Girlfriend?" Arthur questioned.
Merlin just smiled. "Freya?"
Arthur actually yelped when a sword appeared held up by a hand. "Bloody Hell!" He gasped and there was a giggle that seemed to come out of the lake.
The sword was followed by a head, a shoulder, a body, legs and a dark haired girl in a purple dress appeared on the surface of the water.
"Merlin," she said with a wide, friendly smile.
"Hello Freya," Merlin beamed back at her. "We've come for my King's sword."
She held it out in both hands and then glided across the surface, stopping just two metres away.
"It is good to see you so happy, Merlin."
"You too," Merlin grinned. "How are the Aos Sidhe?"
"Same old, same old," she chuckled. "You have to fetch it. He mustn't touch the water or he'll be taken back."
Merlin immediately splashed into the lake and the dark-haired girl held the sword out to him. Their fingers grazed each other's and Merlin smiled.
"He's very lovely," Freya told him.
"Who? Arthur?"
"No, Lancelot. We spoke together when you sent him here. He loves you."
"And I love him. Doesn't stop me loving you though. Freya…"
"Our lives cannot run together, so I am glad that you have found your one true love. Be happy for me Merlin."
"I would do anything for you, Freya. Thank you."
Freya smiled beautifully and then melted back into the lake with the smallest of ripples.
Arthur had watched all of this and Merlin knew that there would be questions later, but for now Merlin had the fabled sword in his hands again with its legend Take me up /Cast me aside and he had to take it to its true Master, so he turned and waded back to the shore.
Once there, Merlin knelt and offered the sword.
"My King," he said solemnly.
"My friend," Arthur replied and Merlin beamed up at him, eyes wet, but happy.
Arthur took the sword and it really did feel like holding an old familiar tool. He held it up and looked expertly along the length, feeling the balance and the shine. Then he realised that Merlin was still kneeling on one knee, watching him, so he held out his hand and pulled his friend up.
"I don't remember you doing anything like that back… then," Arthur shrugged.
"I had to keep a lot of things from you."
"How did my sword end up in the lake?"
"When you… died, I brought you here on the back of Kilgharrah."
"Your supervisor?" Arthur frowned.
"He was a dragon… he still is a dragon, but dragons are creatures of magic. He slept for an age in the Crystal Cave, but when Gaius was born, Magic woke him and sent him to Cambridge as a human. He still has a roar though, and he's still very irritating, but I remember that I am a Dragon lord and he owes me allegiance."
Arthur shook his head as though trying to shake the thoughts into some kind of order. "And the sword?"
"I gave it to Freya again."
"Again?"
Merlin sighed. "It was forged in a dragon's breath, although it was actually made by Gwen's father. It was made…"
"Hang on, Gwen's father? Tom made this?" Merlin blushed. "The sword in the stone thing… that was crap… I knew you made that story up!"
Merlin chuckled. "History never was your strong point! Right, from the beginning… and, may we be seated for this?" He pointed at the out crop of rock and Arthur nodded and perched in the hot sun, indicating that Merlin could join him.
"Right. Do you remember the Black Knight? Sir Tristan du Bois?"
"Yes. He gate-crashed… window-crashed my coming of age ceremony and challenged us to a fight and Owain went up against him."
"And then you threw your gauntlet at him."
"And Gaius drugged me so that my father could fight him instead."
"He was ordered to by the King," Merlin justified. "I thought that you were going to fight, so I went to Kilgharrah who was still chained in the cave…"
"And we will come back to that story later." Arthur interrupted ominously.
"Yes…" Merlin swallowed guiltily, "er…anyway, he told me to find the best sword, so I went to Gwen and she gave me Excalibur. I can't actually remember if we called it that… anyway, I took it to Kilgharrah and he reforged it – he added those pretty gold bits and then he told me that it was an incredibly powerful weapon that should on no account be used by anyone except you. And then your father turned up and …decided that it would do for him. The dragon was seriously pissed off with me, but I couldn't stop him."
"What? You halted. What is it?"
Merlin smiled. "Your father acknowledged that there was a bond between you and me. He told me I was extraordinarily loyal. Anyway, with it being a magical blade, he was able to use it to kill the shade posing as your uncle."
"So you saved my father's life, even though he would have been happy to kill you."
"Yes. That happened a lot actually. Anyway, I took the sword and I gave it to the lake of Avalon."
"But this is the same blade that I pulled out of the stone."
"Yes, Sire. I retrieved it from Freya when Morgause was attacking with the immortal army. You should have seen Lance's face when I exploded the first soldier!"
"You had my magic sword and you didn't think I should have it? Or even Lancelot, who is a much better swordsman than you?"
"Ah, well, Lance knew about my magic and I was told that it would only work in my hands."
"You told Lancelot, but not me?"
"I didn't tell him, Sire. He saw me enchant the lance he used to kill the Griffin. And… after you knighted him, he placed his bedroll next to mine and asked me what I was planning. It all would have been so much easier if I had been able to tell you without being killed or, worse, exiled."
"Exile would really have been worse?"
"Yes, my lord. Exile is the worst thing in the world to me. You really don't believe me when I tell you, but I was created to serve you, so being sent away is like death to me. I spent 1500 years exiled from your side and I don't ever want to go through that again. You don't understand how much power you have over me."
Arthur gave that some thought and Merlin watched as his master grimaced as some horrid thoughts hit him.
"My lord?" Arthur nodded. "You are carrying the only weapon in existence that can actually kill me."
"What?"
"Excalibur. Forged in a dragon's breath. It can kill even shades and reanimated corpses." Merlin slipped off the rock and knelt down in the mud. "You can kill me."
"I'm not going to kill you," Arthur snapped.
"It would be a mercy if you are not going to trust me, Sire. You have the power. You can kill me with your sword or you can… can order me away. I waited for fifteen centuries for you, so death is by far the most appealing way to deal with me."
Arthur stood up and paced over to the other side of the small beach, then he marched back again. "I'm not going to kill you and I would be an idiot if I were to send you away. Besides, I really don't think that I have it in me to kill you. You were a total idiot and you did some monumentally stupid things… but… Merlin, I know that you are loyal to me. I think I get it. It's not about washing my socks, as you said, it's not about subservience… it's about loyalty. I can count on you to be loyal to me."
"And I can wash your socks in my spare time," Merlin grinned and was relieved to see an answering grin in his King's face. "I am loyal to the core. Even if you did send me away… I would still find a way to protect you."
"You were explaining about the immortal army," Arthur reminded him tersely and Merlin nodded. It hadn't escaped his notice that Arthur hadn't allowed him to stand.
"Lancelot and I were sent to disable the warning bell, but of course we weren't doing that at all. Instead, Lance and I fought our way to the small throne room and tried to pour the blood out of the cup of life. If Gaius hadn't been there to knock Morgause back, it wouldn't have been possible, but he did and I was able to destroy the magic in the cup with Excalibur."
"And that was when they all exploded," Arthur nodded.
"Anyway, after that I had to put the sword somewhere safe and… I'm not sure why, but I ended up sticking it the stone. It must have been Magic guiding me, but when we needed that symbol of your Kingship to rally everyone and inspire you and your kingdom, there it was, waiting."
"And you made it so that it would only come out for me?"
"Nah, I just loosened it when you stopped struggling and started really believing," Merlin chuckled. "You believed in yourself the way that I believe in you."
They were both silent after that, contemplating what had been said.
"I am going to give you a command as your King and as your master," Arthur suddenly said and Merlin who was still kneeling, jumped.
"Yes, my lord."
"Never lie to me again. You may omit if you think that the truth will harm me or Guinevere, but don't lie. I believe that I can cope with whatever you want to tell me, but I need to know that it is the truth."
"I will do my best to obey you," Merlin agreed with a small nod. "Will you accept though if I can't tell you something?"
"Tell me that you can't explain and I will believe you."
"Yes, my lord," Merlin said with another bow and there was a sudden bright light that sprang between them and knotted them together like a small rush of wind, then dissipated just as quickly.
"What was that?" Arthur demanded, although Merlin looked just as surprised.
"That was my magic accepting my vow. I now can't lie to you without suffering consequences. I hope it doesn't mind white lies and times when I pretend I don't know what Gwen has bought you for Yule," Merlin sighed. "So now you know. I am bound to tell you the truth. It doesn't work for anyone else though – I can lie my head off to them."
"You really are mine, aren't you?" Arthur marvelled.
"Yes, my lord."
Arthur stood, holding out a hand to help Merlin up, and looked around one more time, before heading back to the tangled yew tree.
"I think I can make this faster," Merlin suggested.
"Faster?"
"This is a magical plane, not in the reality of modern day Wales, so I can deposit us back by the car… I think."
Arthur considered that and then nodded, so Merlin held out his left hand and placed it on Arthur's shoulder, then he closed his eyes and concentrated. It felt as though the world were whirling all around them, colours mixing into each other and greys, blues, greens and yellows all swirled and made kaleidoscopic patterns… and then they resolved themselves and they were in the car park at Tintern.
Arthur looked like he might throw up, but Merlin held onto him until he seemed to be more stable.
"What was that? Teleporting?"
"No, just us coming out of that plane of Reality."
"Could we have got there like that?"
Merlin almost said a flat no, but there was a twang in his soul. "Technically, yes,"
"You nearly lied?" Arthur asked, amused. "Your face scrunched up."
"The real answer is that it would have been possible – I just didn't think of it!" He blushed.
Arthur guffawed with laughter, surprising a couple of hikers cleaning mud off their boots.
"This is a power you are totally going to abuse isn't it?" Merlin sighed.
"Oh yes, it's too good!" Arthur grinned. "Come on, climb in."
The journey back to Cambridge was pretty dull really. Arthur seemed to have had as much truth as he could cope with and so he put the radio on and Merlin dozed uncomfortably.
"Are you asleep?" Arthur asked suddenly as they pulled into the garage.
Merlin really wanted to just stay there, but damned magic… "No."
"Good, you can carry everything up to my room then," Arthur grinned.
Sighing he pulled on his jacket and grabbed the rucksacks. Arthur had the sword and the case with the cup in it and they made their way up to the house.
Uther was there, in Arthur's room, waiting eagerly.
"Did you get it?"
"Yes, Father."
Merlin slid in past them and started unpacking.
"Show me," Uther commanded and Arthur unclipped the clasps and opened the box. Uther picked it up as though it were the Holy Grail. Of course it was the cup which had started all the Grail legends – people had misunderstood and then made up retrofitting stories about the Holy Family coming to Britain and then the Monks at Glastonbury had come up with their fabricated tombs and the Holy Tree thing. It was weird though how their Tor looked so much like Avalon's island.
Uther took the cup with him and left the box with Arthur, leaving the room and stalking off.
"He doesn't know what he has there," Merlin warned.
"Why? You're not telling me it's the Grail or something?"
"Didn't you recognise it?" Arthur shook his head. "It's the Cup of Life. That thing can heal and gift a horrible form of immortality."
"That's the cup? The same one? But back then it didn't have that crest on it or the motto."
"I know, but that's because it has been kept here and there for 1500 years. Over that time it has been embellished."
"How many times have you seen it since then?" Arthur asked.
"Just the once," Merlin answered guiltily. "I saw it when Camelot fell and I rescued it from the ruins. I took it to the Blessed Isle and left it there, but I obviously didn't hide it well enough."
"It's not your fault. At least it should be safe here, not like last time when we took it from the Druids."
"That was one of those times when I couldn't heal you," Merlin reminisced. "I was always terrible at that. I went and apprenticed myself to a healer in Germany after… after."
"After what?"
Merlin looked up bleakly. "After everyone was dead. When Gwen and Leon and Gaius and all the people I cared about were long gone and there was nothing left for me." Arthur put his hand on Merlin's arm and Merlin gave a small smile. "It wasn't fun and it's all come back to me. While I had forgotten I was intrigued by the snippets of information I got, but the crushing loneliness… the death of hope… it's not something you can get used to. I watch films about people seeking immortality and think that they just have no idea."
"Merlin, look at me," Arthur commanded. "You are not alone any more. I'm here and Lancelot, and Gwaine… where's Percival?"
"I don't know. He was great." Merlin managed a grin. "He had a wife and two little girls. I can't remember their names, but they were so cute."
"What happened to the others? To Leon? Gwen? Gwaine?"
Merlin winced and suddenly sat down on the bed, looking apologetically at Arthur, who shrugged and sat next to him. "Gwaine died before you did. He fed bad information to Morgana, but then he and Percival rode out somewhere… looking for you maybe? Morgana caught them and she tortured Gwaine to death to find out where we really were. Gwen became Queen and she worked out about my magic and, eventually, made magic legal in Camelot. It wasn't easy and I had to hide much of my abilities, but she let me carry on serving her, seeing to your rooms. She… married Leon."
"Leon?" Arthur asked, surprised, but not angry.
"He was the natural heir after her as First Knight and so it made sense. They were very fond of each other, but it was a comfortable love. It all went wrong when Gwen died without children and the squabbling started. Leon was assassinated… I had left by then. I couldn't watch and no-one wanted me."
"Merlin?" Merlin looked up. "I will never truly be able to understand what you have gone through, but… I pledge to be as loyal to you as you are to me. I've no real experience, but I remember being King and I… I never believed you. I always said that next time I would listen to you, but then the next thing came up and… You tried to tell me about Morgana, and Agravaine, even… Oh God, do you remember that creepy guy who wanted your job?"
"Cedric. The one who stole the heart of Sigan. It was… basically a bloody horcrux! It took Cedric's soul over and I had to get a spell from the dragon to be able to combat it and the gargoyles and put the soul back in the tomb! I wonder if it's still there?"
"The killer gargoyles? You did that too?" Merlin did a half shrug and a half smile. "Was there anything I achieved? The dragon?"
"You did beat that giant in single combat… mostly… damn vow!"
"You lied? I didn't beat him either?"
Merlin had that half smile on his face again. "Well, Morgana cheated first. She enchanted your sword."
"That's why it suddenly became too heavy to lift!"
"I'm not sure what she did, but she cast a spell, so… I cast one on his sword and he dropped it, so you got a chance to beat him. That was when I realised that Agravaine wasn't your friend – he was the one who goaded you into killing Caerleon. I was so proud when you didn't kill the giant. And you were so conflicted over killing Caerleon – you brazened it out because Agravaine told you that it made you strong, but… you admitted to me… me, that you had made a mistake. That's why I followed you to Annis' tent. I was afraid of what you would do, because… you're Arthur. Like when you saved the peace conference and didn't kill Vivian's father."
"You didn't help then?"
"No, well, except I spent the whole bloomin' night reading spell books trying to work out how to un-enchant you. In the end Kilgharrah told me about True Love's Kiss and Gwen did that for you."
"The dragon again?"
"He did help me a lot, but he also had his own agenda and… I couldn't stop him from attacking Camelot. I pleaded with him to remember that he was killing innocents, but… he was so angry and…. He was more helpful after he gained his freedom. I never thought I would see him again."
Arthur was quiet again, so Merlin got up and carried on unpacking, putting clean stuff away and collecting clothes for washing. Arthur's boots needed to be cleaned as well and there were still twenty eight rugby boots to be cleaned since the match. He took the clothes down to the sports kit room and brought back a latte. Arthur was in bed and accepted the cup happily, so Merlin, feeling a bit surreal after all the revelations, went to his perch by the fire and started de-muddifying the boots.
Once the coffee was finished, Arthur went to brush his teeth and Merlin took the cup down to the kitchen, washing it up before heading back.
Arthur was reading something when he got back, so he went back to his cushion-chair and carried on with the boots, until he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. Looking up he realised that Arthur had put his book down and was looking at him.
"Can I get you anything, Sire?" He asked, standing up.
"Are you OK?" Arthur asked
Merlin tried to answer that he was fine, that he was just waiting to make sure that Arthur didn't need him anymore, but his magic wouldn't allow him to lie.
"No…" he breathed.
"What's wrong?"
"I… I'm… not sure… I feel… I've remembered the centuries and… Can I ask you for something?"
"Of course," Arthur answered easily.
Merlin felt like his ears were sticking out further than usual and he was pretty sure that they were a vibrant red. "Can I sleep here tonight?" he asked, feeling stupid and ridiculous.
"Certainly," Arthur grinned.
"Thank you," Merlin breathed and he grabbed his bag and disappeared into the bathroom to recover from his mortification. The trouble was that he felt the weight of those years and he needed to know that Arthur wasn't going anywhere. He needed to know that when he woke up in the morning, his master would still be there and he was no longer alone.
He crept back into Arthur's room and wondered what to do. He could probably bring the mattress in from his cubby hole, or use the sofa, although it would be too short. Then he remembered that he could do magic openly, so he transfigured (he knew he shouldn't have read those Harry Potter books) the rug in front of the fire into something more like a mattress and curled up there, listening to Arthur reading, flipping pages then putting the book down, then turning off the light and settling for sleep.
When he awoke in the morning, he discovered that he had a blanket laid over him and Arthur was shaking him, quite gently actually.
"I believe you have classes to go to today?" he asked, grinning.
"What time is it?" Merlin asked, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
"8.30am," Arthur replied, holding up Merlin's dead phone.
"Oh… oh crap! I'm sorry… I guess I was feeling too sorry for myself last night… I'll…um…"
"Get dressed and get breakfast for both of us. If you don't you'll forget to feed yourself and then I'll have to watch you faint, which would be funny, but not helpful."
Merlin rolled out from under the blanket and borrowed Arthur's bathroom again, then he headed off downstairs to the kitchen where he had to make breakfast because Audrey was still at the castle, so he dug around and produced scrambled eggs for two with a side of bacon and mushrooms for Arthur, with coffee, and tea for himself.
Arthur was already at his table with his phone out and his laptop open next to him. He gestured for Merlin to sit and eat with him.
"So, did you realise that as soon as you left the room, that bed became my rug again?" Arthur asked, digging into his food.
"I must have cancelled it without thinking. I subconsciously keep the transfiguration the way I want it and then the moment I don't need it anymore it goes back to its original state."
"My father is very pleased to have the cup back. He's planning to have a ceremony with it in the chapel to get it blessed or something."
"It mustn't be used as a chalice!" Merlin responded, alarmed. "It's from the Old Religion and it won't react well to being used in a Christian ritual."
"What would it do?"
"I don't actually know. If you fill it with rainwater and chant a spell over it, it can heal almost anything, but with Christian blood and water… I just don't know what might happen. It might decide that it is real blood and… ew!"
"You sound as though you think it is alive!" Arthur chuckled.
"It's an instrument of magic that has survived for more than 2000 years. I… yes, I'm worried."
"You're always worried, Merlin," Arthur scoffed.
"And it always turns out that I was right… I just don't have any proof, as usual."
"The problem is that we can't explain any of that to my father," Arthur pointed out.
"Welcome to my life!" Merlin sighed, then elaborated in response to Arthur's questioning expression. "That was entirely my life in Camelot. I would be told about some impending disaster, magical or otherwise, and then have to sort it out myself because I couldn't tell you."
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you," Arthur said genuinely. "I wish I could say that I would have accepted you and your magic even back then, but I don't know. I was brought up to fear it and hate it, then in this age I was brought up to think that anyone trying anything mystic was just some kind of charlatan. But we can work together now. You don't need to keep secrets from me."
Merlin smiled his open, happy smile and finished off his breakfast.
It was odd, he thought as he cycled towards the Faculty a week later, that he felt bereft every time he left Arthur's side. He knew that he loved Arthur, but it was such a weird kind of love and nothing like the romantically deep affection he felt for and from Lancelot. Lance loved him and wanted to protect him and be with him, listen to him and laugh with him, while Arthur was a glowing light that he felt compelled to follow. He was relieved in the extreme that Lance had accepted him and Arthur and that Lance had decided to resume his life as Arthur's knight.
He loved his degree course, even though Dr Monmouth didn't seem to like him any more than his counterpart, Geoffrey, had, and his appreciation of Beowulf was not as high as his lecturer thought it should be. It was handy that his knowledge of Medieval languages and Saxon and Norse and all the other languages he had picked up over the centuries, was all coming back to him and he now had extra enjoyment in listening to the staff mispronouncing most of it. He had memories of training as a doctor and attending university in Ferrara, and he remembered encounters with prominent people who now appeared as historical figures. He could probably drop his studies as he didn't really need them, but he enjoyed being a student again and there was no reason why he shouldn't continue.
It was nearing the end of January and the news was full of this illness or infection that people were getting. It either came from China, or from Italy, or from cruise ships, and already there were stories of deaths and restrictions on travel.
He attended three lectures, met with his supervisor for Saxon and managed to piss her off by correcting her pronunciation (he hadn't meant to, it just happened and now she thought he was an arrogant – she had used an Anglo Saxon word that didn't quite mean what she thought it did).
Then, as he munched his late sandwich and drank his tea, both of which he had purchased with actual money, his phone rang with the Darth Vador theme.
"Yes Sire?"
"I'm sending you a link. Be there as soon as you can." Arthur rang off.
Merlin was left looking at the phone, waiting until he was given an address on Huntingdon Road and a map link, no explanation.
The phone beeped again and he received a picture of the Porsche and an angry emoticon. He replied with 'Sorry, Sire, I forgot.' To which he received the reply 'at car wash now – coming out of your salary'.
He had finished classes for the day, as Arthur knew full well, so he clambered onto his newest purchase and cycled off to find out what his King wanted now.
The number related to a driveway entrance and he cycled along that up to a huge house with land all around it and a fancy porticoed porch with a huge green door. There were rooms everywhere and the land in front was landscaped with loads of room for parking.
The Porsche was there already, still wet, and Arthur was sitting inside, doing something on his phone. Merlin propped the bike up against the wall inside a car port capable of housing two cars and approached the car.
Arthur wound the window down.
"You're soaking."
"It's raining!" Merlin protested.
"You're not getting in my car."
"Why are we here?" Merlin asked instead of answering.
"You are here to be my servant and attend me."
Merlin raised his eyebrows in surprise, but nodded. Another car, Merlin had no idea what type it was but it looked expensive, drove up the drive and parked near the Porsche and a man in a truly horrible blue suit with checks and a blue waistcoat, climbed out of his car.
"Lord Albion?" He asked Merlin dubiously, which was fair enough given his dishevelled appearance.
"No, sir. This is Lord Albion," he indicated Arthur who was climbing out of his own car. They shook hands and then the man looked at Merlin.
"He's my valet," Arthur explained in his most princely-prat voice.
The man, Richard, looked surprised, but then ignored Merlin and headed towards the front door with a bunch of keys and a fancy clipboard.
There was a grand entrance hall with a double staircase going up either side and a statue in the middle that Arthur and Merlin looked at in distaste.
There were two sitting rooms, a huge dining room, a large kitchen with another dining table looking out over the garden, something Richard called a 'snug' – another huge sitting room with a view over the garden, an office, changing rooms, a gym and a swimming pool.
Upstairs they found 7 bedrooms and a cinema, another larger office and several bathrooms, and then there were a further three rooms at the top of the house with what looked like a bedroom, bathroom, kitchenette, security room and two huge open spaces.
In the garden they found a studio and a workshop with two bedrooms with en-suite facilities, and an annexe flat in an enormous garden that had nothing but fields all around it.
Richard was massively enthusiastic and kept calling Arthur 'my lord', but Merlin thought that if he were a cartoon, he'd have pound signs instead of pupils in his eyes.
"Thank you. We will look around on our own now." Arthur dismissed the estate agent and then, when he had gone, he sat on one of the steps and asked, "What do you think?"
"What was the whole Porsche/valet/Lord Albion thing?" Merlin asked.
"I had to show him that I meant business and that…"
"You're a giant aristocratic prat?" Merlin grinned.
"You can't talk to me like that!"
"But I can't lie to you either, Sire!" Merlin's grin widened.
"I should just fire you and employ someone competent," Arthur growled, but reluctantly amused.
"So you want to buy this place?" Merlin asked. "I thought you wanted to buy somewhere in London."
"It's cheaper here and anyway you, as a student, are supposed to live within 3 miles of Great St Mary's," Arthur shrugged. "It's exactly 3 miles away."
"But it's huge!"
"I've already put in an offer. I wanted you to see it and also to give that guy the impression that money is no object. It's being surveyed tomorrow."
"So, you've already bought it?"
"Nearly. I wanted you to see it first. I have plans." Merlin nodded and waited. "First, it had to have a pool for Gwaine."
"He wasn't being serious!" Merlin objected, remembering the conversation about sports.
"Yes, I think he was, even if he didn't know it. Besides, I want a pool. The garden is big enough for a tennis court and there is a gym already. There are three potential suites, plus the annexe. So Gwaine and Lance can stay and have their own place, there's room for Leon and also Percival, if we can find him, and there's that huge room at the top as well as the studio for training. There's the workshop for Gaius and he can have a bedroom there too… and the annexe is… where I hope your mum will live."
"What?" Merlin asked incredulously.
"Your mum needs to move to be closer to you. Ireland is just too far away and it's not like she has much of a life there. Here she can be near you and I'll offer her a job as an extra housekeeper." Merlin had no idea what to say about this.
Arthur got up and went back upstairs, taking him into the enormous bedroom with the dressing room attached as well as the en suite bathroom.
"This will be mine and Gwen's, Morgana can have that one through there if she wants, there's huge office so I can work from home and another study downstairs and…" he went to another door and opened it. "This is your bedroom. Next to mine but completely yours."
Merlin entered the room which was about the same size as Gaius' office and realised that it had another door on the other side leading to the landing where the two suites were. Both suites had decent sized bedrooms and even sitting rooms and were self-contained. The stairs to the top floor were outside his room and opposite there was yet another bathroom with an actual bath.
Merlin had not been able to move out of Arthur's room back at the Lodge, although he had set himself up in the 'cupboard' as Arthur called it. He couldn't sleep without knowing that his master was still there, still alive. It was so bad that he had on occasion got up, just to see that he was still breathing, still solid. He half wished he could go back and wipe out the past again, forget those long centuries of waiting, hoping for a single sign that the Once and Future King would come back.
He remembered now when he had come back. He had been wearing his old face because he found that people were kinder to old, white-haired men and he had walked to the Forest and taken himself to Avalon. Freya hadn't been there – she had never been there – but there was an excitement in the air. It had always been winter when he had returned, but this time there had been buds of flowers, strawberry flowers, green leaves on trees and pleasant weather with the promise of a good summer, and he had known. He had realised that this was the sign.
He had taken himself to the Crystal Cave and spoken to Grettir who told him that Taliesin was waiting and then he had sobbed as he told Taliesin of the signs. The old Welshman had recited a poem that he had written centuries before and Merlin had taken himself into the cave and shed his 'old man' face, calling on the magic to allow him to be born again. His mother was there and waiting and his father had taken magical form and then everything had dissolved away. Fifteen hundred years of complete misery had been wiped away.
And now it was back – milder as it was tempered with the happy ending, but still there and he often disbelieved until he could check that Arthur was truly there.
"What do you think?" Arthur's voice cut into his thoughts, a hint of uncertainty which Merlin found jarring.
"It's…" Merlin had no words. He sank down to the floor and gaped like a landed fish.
"Do you approve?" Arthur asked urgently. "Gods! It's worse than when I asked Guinevere to marry me! Is that a yes or a no?"
"Yes! Of course it's a yes, but…"
"But?"
"Why? Why would you do this for me?" Merlin asked, completely bewildered.
Arthur sat down and leaned against the wall.
"It's not just for you. I need a place of my own before my father takes over every aspect of my life. It's cheaper to buy here in Cambridge than in London, especially with the size I need. I'm used to having to adapt to other people living in my home, but I want my own place. Lance and Gwaine need a home – both need a place they can use as their base and… well, they deserve it too. I have spoken to Guinevere about it a lot and she is happy with the idea, and… I love your mother and she is so isolated where she is. She has had a hard time and she deserves something less lonely and more… friendly."
"I understand all of that, but you're spending a huge amount of money."
"I earn enough and I have shares I can sell, so I don't even need a mortgage, but… they aren't my knights now, but I still need to give them something. They can pursue their own lives as well and you will be near to Lance."
"Why would you share your home with all these people?" Merlin asked. "I'm happy to go wherever you go…"
"Merlin," Arthur interrupted. "I know that you sometimes have bad nights and… you need to reassure yourself that I'm really alive. I don't deserve it, but I know how long you have waited. Nothing I can ever do for you will ever be too much. This room was the selling point for me. You can come into our room easily and you can close the door and have your privacy as well."
Merlin really wanted to hug him. Arthur wasn't the hugging sort, but Merlin wanted to touch him and find some way to thank him, so he grabbed Arthur's right arm at the elbow.
"My King," he said, and then Arthur dragged him over towards him and squeezed him roughly in an approximation of a more manly version of a hug that left Merlin protesting and both of them laughing.
Arthur pulled strings, got the solicitor to expedite the legal process and then contacted the owners, who had inherited the place, to ask if they could start moving things in. Nothing was going to fall through as Arthur was a first time buyer with the cash and they just wanted rid of the place (and to receive the money), so by the end of February, the keys were handed over and the furniture started arriving.
There was a field trip that the ASNaC department was organising to go and see various sites, but Kilgharrah announced that Merlin would be going with him to do research for his tenth paper instead, and Merlin got a week off to move in.
State of the art broadband was fitted, carpets were changed, colours chosen, Gaius started setting up his workshop, happily taking over the bedroom behind it and making it look a little like his old room in Camelot, only rectangular. Hunith took voluntary redundancy and a nice settlement for twenty years of working in the library, and Arthur paid a firm to move everything for her. It turned out that they didn't need the lorry he had hired as barely any of the furniture was worth keeping and the rest was just stuff. She would be arriving on 28th February.
Lance was especially enthusiastic and bunked off as many lectures and practicals as he could to help and he thoroughly approved of his living quarters and the double beds that Arthur had bought for the suites.
Merlin's room had fitted wardrobes as it had been originally set up to be another dressing room, so he had his bed and a bedside table as well as a desk and his few clothes looked almost silly in the wardrobe. He filled the space with books.
Morgana declined, but said that she would decorate a room for herself so that she could stay there. She had a new maid, because she couldn't have Gwen working for her when they were going to be sisters-in-law, but Gwen hated her and felt that her job was being stolen.
Gwaine hadn't appeared yet, but he knew that 28th was the important day.
It was weird though. Arthur had forbidden everyone or anyone from going into the humungous dining room other than three men and a woman, who were all introduced to Merlin so he could cater to them. They had hung up plastic sheeting over all the doors and windows so no one could see in and Merlin was banished to elsewhere every time they needed to install something big. Arthur would only grin a cheesy grin whenever anyone asked about it, and even Gwen had no idea what was going on.
Back at the Lodge, things were going downhill fast. Uther was livid that Arthur had bought himself a house without even asking for permission. He was still wrapped up in Catrina, who Arthur now truly loathed and Uther turned into a gooey, lovey-dovey fool whenever he and Catrina were together. Arthur had even asked Merlin to check to see if there were love potions involved.
"And you're sure she's not a troll?" Arthur asked again as Merlin served him dinner in his rooms. "I remember the troll very clearly."
"Well, she hasn't asked for any horse dung for tea," Merlin chuckled. "She's just a really odd female human. I've even checked her reflection."
"Reflection?" Arthur asked.
"Magically changed creatures can only reflect their true appearance in mirrors to people with magic. Do you remember when you caught me dangling your mirror out of the window?"
"I thought you were being a pervert, and you broke my mirror. Those things were terribly expensive back then."
"I couldn't explain to you about the magic and I was controlling it with magic... and she was hideous! And I wasn't looking at her like that! Then Gaius and I knew she was a troll. The weird bit was when she had Uther enchanted and everyone but he could see what she really was. Even Catrina looked a bit shocked!"
"Oh God, I can remember him kissing that thing!" Arthur grimaced.
"Gaius had treated the real Lady Catrina for a debilitating disease when she was a child, so he already knew that she wasn't who she said she was. Do you remember all the old codgers on the council going up and nodding when Gaius announced 'Sire, your wife is a troll'?" Merlin cackled.
"She disinherited me!"
Merlin and Arthur both suddenly realised the same thing at the same time.
"I won't let her, Sire," Merlin decided.
"I don't really care about not inheriting, but what if my father fires me?"
"Can he do that?" Merlin asked, suddenly realising that he had no idea.
"He gave me the job in the first place and there are plenty of old stuffed shirts on the board who think I'm some kind of bleeding heart maverick. There would be very few who would shout against it."
"Then… can't you set up your own firm, my lord?"
Arthur gave that some thought.
"I don't even know what you do," Merlin commented, filling Arthur's cup again, orange juice this time.
"We offer financial services, investments and so on, but we also deal in loans and debts. The accountancy division is huge and we work with Lloyds Bank as well. I am the Director of Development and I have spent most of the time I have been at the firm trying to get them to stop dealing in dodgy investments and digital currencies, but my Father just thinks that the money is the most important thing. If I were to set up my own firm it would be a rival to his and I don't have the same pulling power or the ruthlessness that he has."
"Don't you have other firms as well?"
"Yes, we own a car franchise, and some small businesses, and I personally own a number of small firms that other people run. I've sometimes bailed out firms and set them running again in return for shares. I wouldn't be anything like destitute if he did disinherit me…." Arthur got a far off gaze and Merlin wondered if he was working out a way to be independent.
Gwen came rushing in, bursting through the door in tears and Arthur was by her side in seconds.
"It's that awful Rowan! She's trying to get my job and make me look stupid. I brought Morgana tea and somehow it was cold when I got it to her and that cow had tea at the perfect temperature! I do all the things I'm supposed to do and she's there, doing it twice as fast and with such enthusiasm! She told Morgana that it was an honour to serve her! I hate her!"
Merlin felt slapped in the face. That rang a metaphorical bell so loud that it felt deafening.
"Cedric!" he said and Gwen and Arthur looked at him as though he had just thrown out a magic word.
"What do you mean?" Arthur demanded, his arms full of Gwen. He guided her to sit on the sofa.
"Cedric. The man who tried to take my job so he could steal from that tomb. Cornelius Sigan. The gargoyles that came to life."
"Oh… him… you were being particularly incompetent and then this perfect servant just turned up."
"I wasn't being incompetent, I was being sabotaged. You were being particularly vicious though. You made me kneel on all fours so you could climb onto your horse! You suddenly decided that I had to be utterly subservient."
"You should always be utterly subservient," Arthur grinned. "You fell asleep."
"I was drugged! And Cedric let the horses out! And I saved your life again and he took the credit! You threw me in the cells!"
"Well, fun as this reminiscing is, my Guinevere is upset."
"Yes Sire, but I think this is the parallel. She must be after something and she is stealing Gwen's job to get it. Where did she come from?"
"Rowan approached Morgana and told her that she had heard about how you got your job and she wondered if Morgana needed anyone. Morgana doesn't want me anymore!" Gwen actually wailed.
"Of course she does," Arthur reassured her. "She just thinks that as she is going to be your sister-in-law, you should probably not be doing that job anymore."
"Merlin? Do you really think that we are reliving our past lives?" Gwen asked.
"Yes, my lady," Merlin replied apologetically. "At least, there are parallels and we can predict some events through what happened back then."
"So what do we do?" she asked, looking between Merlin and Arthur.
"What happened Back Then, Merlin?" Arthur asked, making the 'Back Then' sound ominous.
"After several humiliations for me, and believe me, I was very upset, Cedric managed to be there for your bedtime routine, and he stole the key. Of course you never used to actually take the key out of the lock, so it was pretty damned easy to do it."
"It was different back then," Arthur protested. "If I had had an electronic lock I'd have used it!"
"Yes, my lord," Merlin snorted, using the 'Prat' version of the honorific. "Anyway, he got into the tomb and stole the blue heart soul stone thingy and released Cornelius Sigan's soul."
"Sigan!" Gwen gasped. "The really evil sorcerer that everyone used to frighten children with?"
"Yup!"
"But we don't have Sigan's soul here," Arthur argued.
"But we do have the Cup of Life. Maybe that's what she wants?"
"You really think that she's doing this just to get at the Cup? I don't see the connection at all. It's nothing like it was back then," Arthur argued.
"Parallels, Sire. And there was a… ripple of something… it came to my mind and that's usually a sign that Magic is involved."
"Alright. I promised to believe you, so what do we do?" Arthur asked.
"That's your department, Sire," Merlin smiled. "I do the figuring out and you do the beating up."
"So I'm just the hired muscle?"
"Pretty much!" Merlin laughed as Arthur chucked a cushion at him.
Arthur reached for his mobile phone and rang Leon.
"It's Arthur. Who's on duty tonight?" he put it onto 'Speaker'.
"Me and a surprise for you."
"Surprise?" Arthur asked.
"A new hire, named Percival!"
"Percival!" three excited voices responded.
"Merlin and Gwen?" Leon asked and they confirmed. "So what can I do for you, Arthur?"
"Have you noticed anything weird about Rowan?"
"The girl who has been employed by Lady Morgana?"
"Yes, her!" Gwen spat.
"Well, she's always working. She's in the kitchen at the moment cooking."
"Leon, I'm sorry to ask this, " Merlin apologised. "But, could you not eat anything she prepares? At least, not until I've had a look at it?"
"Magic pinging?" Leon asked and Merlin smiled.
"Yes, big time. Where is the Cup?"
"The Chalice thing?" Leon clarified.
"Yes, it's the Cup of Life."
"What? The cup? Hang on… Percy, can you stay here a moment while I go and talk to Lord Arthur? Don't let anyone in or out."
They all heard Percival's voice in the background and smiled.
Soon enough Leon was knocking on the door. "Sire? What's going on?"
Merlin was mildly amused by the way everyone treated Arthur as their King as soon as they entered this room.
"Rowan is trying to steal Gwen's job and make her look incompetent," Arthur explained. "Merlin thinks that she is going to steal something incredibly valuable and the only thing we can think of is the Cup of Life."
"Merlin, can you really tell if food or drink is poisoned?" Leon asked and Merlin nodded. "Then you need to be down there, checking. We would normally all eat together after your food is sent up, Arthur, so if she is planning on making sure that we are all asleep…"
"We can pretend and catch her at it," Arthur agreed. "Merlin – kitchen, Leon go back on guard duty and Gwen will stay here. Merlin, on your way down go and invite Morgana to eat with me in here."
"Yes, Sire," Merlin headed off.
Rowan was indeed in the kitchen, cooking what looked like Chicken Chasseur although it was from a packet. Merlin spent some time making a latte for Arthur and then a cup of mint tea for Morgana, then a normal cup of tea for Gwen, taking as long as possible to do each task.
"What time will dinner be ready?" he asked Rowan with as innocent an air as possible.
"About half an hour now," Rowan answered and Merlin couldn't decipher her tone.
"Why are you doing the cooking? We usually do something ourselves for the family when Audrey isn't around. Or Lord Arthur orders in."
"I offered," Rowan shrugged. "I can make enough of this for everyone and I wanted to thank Morgana for taking me on. This is going to save my life!"
"You might change your mind when Lord Uther moves back here permanently. He's a total control freak and more than a bit scary," Merlin told her, turning away but casting a diagnostic spell on the packaging on the counter. He didn't find anything, but he did discover that there was another magic user in the room.
He picked up the three drinks and gave Rowan a slight smile before heading back up to Arthur's room.
"Rowan has magic!" he announced to the room.
"How do you know?" Arthur asked.
"When you have magic, you have a connection to everything around you… it sort of tingles and she tingled. I couldn't find anything in the ingredients, although she used packets which is definitely cheating."
"So, what do we do?" Gwen asked, looking around the room for inspiration.
"We wait until the food is ready and then we don't eat it," Arthur decided. "And you had better go and get food from the Hall, Merlin. If they have anything that looks like what she is preparing then so much the better."
Merlin nodded and jogged off to do that, bring back three plates of stew carefully stacked on a tray with plate separators. Morgana had joined them by that point and Merlin served it, heating it as he did so. He then went back to the kitchen where Rowan was plating up.
"Do you want to tell the boys on the front door that their food is ready?" she asked eagerly.
"They won't be able to eat here yet," Merlin explained. "They have to wait for the shift change."
Now that he knew what was going on, he could see her reaction for what it was; mild frustration. He had just told her that her plan wouldn't work.
"I'll take these up to Lady Morgana and Lord Arthur shall I?"
"What about you?" Rowan asked.
"Oh, I'll go to the halls," Merlin told her. "Nothing to do with your cooking, but I'm vegetarian. Actually, I may go and eat with Gaius. I've been neglecting him."
He picked up the two plates – of course she hadn't prepared one for Gwen – and headed out, but instead of taking it upstairs, he slipped out of the Lodge and headed over to Gaius' rooms.
It didn't take Gaius long to find that there was a strong dose of borage with extra poppy opium hidden in the sauce and Merlin was able to take his findings back, along with instructions on how to fake the sleep. They wouldn't need to do anything much, just go to bed and fake a deep sleep.
Arthur took charge. "Gwen, you need to go out somewhere, say that you will eat out with a friend or something, but actually go and stay with Gaius. Merlin, you need to go to Gaius as well. Leon and Percival will need to do their falling asleep once Owain and Ewan are here and Merlin, I need you to watch them from Gaius' room."
"Yes, Sire, I can do that. I can probably work out a way of doing that magically if your safety is involved. What if she attacks them in some way?"
"Then phone me and if you can use your magic without her seeing, then do." Merlin nodded. "Meanwhile I'm going to set up a spy cam in Father's office. I wish Elyan were here, he'd be able to do this easily."
Gwen beamed. "He can be your Q!" she laughed.
"Right, go!" Arthur commanded and they scattered.
Merlin went back downstairs and decided to try something. He went into the kitchen and smiled at Rowan. "I'm going to stay with Gaius, and I think Gwen may join us later too, but she promised to bring the plates back. Will you be OK going back to your rooms?"
Rowan smiled enthusiastically. "I'll be fine. I'll wash up and then head out too."
"OK, you can leave some of it till tomorrow if you like. The dishwasher will take care of the pans. Good night!"
He waved and left the Lodge, then he conjured one of his balls of light, grew it and then looked into it. As he had envisaged, he got a clear view of Rowan as though a bubble were following her. So far, all she was doing was clearing up after herself and wiping down surfaces, but she was clearly waiting for something. Out in the chilly air, Merlin waited to see what it was, but nothing continued to happen for quite a while. In the end, he decided to go back to Gaius's room and warm up a bit as he couldn't keep the tracking spell going at the same time as a warming spell. He did, however, make a mental note to see if it would be possible to do two spells at once. It wasn't something he had ever done… which was weird.
He realised his mistake when he greeted Gaius and Gwen and then explained what he had done, showing them and expanding the viewing bubble. It was very clear that Rowan was already in Uther's study, and transforming.
He phoned Arthur, running back to the lodge, shouting as soon as Arthur answered. "She's magic and… oh my god!"
"What is it, Merlin?" Arthur demanded furiously. "Where…"
"Morgause!" Merlin breathed. "Rowan is bloody Morgause and…."
Arthur was running down the stairs already, followed by Morgana and Gwen and they burst into the study, just as the safe flew open.
"Stop!" Morgana shouted and a ball of fire erupted from her, flinging the sorceress aside before she could grab the prize. Merlin watched through his ball as the whole house shook with the force of the whirlwind that transported the witch from the house, leaving the safe wide open. His tracking charm was destroyed and he arrived outside the Lodge to discover the two security guards, lying asleep on the steps.
Arthur grabbed the cup and held onto it as though someone might snatch it and Merlin dispelled the spying ball in favour of using a sleeping-spell canceller on Leon and Percival, who both rubbed their eyes, asking what had happened. Merlin brought them both to the office and let Arthur explain.
"Percival!" Arthur grinned as the former knight entered the office.
"I… Why do I want to address you as… 'Sire'?"
In the end, as they all sat in Arthur's room with Merlin hovering and handing out tea, coffee and hot chocolate, it was decided that Morgana should tell Uther what had happened, that Arthur should ring the police, telling them about Rowan who had now disappeared and that they should find a more secure place to put the cup.
"She will try again," Morgana warned as she got up to head back to her room and phone.
"What do you mean?" Arthur asked.
"I knew her. I worked for her and she taught me the ways of the High Priestesses. They are ruthless and determined to raise the profile of magic and to preserve the Old Ways. Unfortunately, this often translates into a kind of lust for power. They become so powerful that they feel that all should bow before them."
"You say 'them'," Leon put in. "Do you really think of them as other than yourself?"
Morgana looked intensely at Leon, but Merlin felt that the question had been meant kindly rather than accusingly.
"I do. Grettir called me 'Balance' because I have seen where wrong thinking and allegiance to a quest for power can lead. I don't say that I'm all sweetness and light now – I remember everything and I also remember why I did those things, but… it's different this time. Merlin helped me."
Arthur looked straight at Merlin, who blushed.
"I… before all this and the cave…" Merlin stammered. "I'm sure I told you that Lady Morgana knew…"
"But you didn't help her Back Then?"
"I didn't dare. I couldn't tell anyone about my magic and Gaius told me not to help her… you… The dragon was always really rude about you," Merlin shrugged. "He always said that your destiny was to be allied with Mordred and that Mordred was… you know… Arthur's Bane."
"Is that all still true?" Gwen asked. "I mean, it all happened then. Are the prophecies doomed to kick in again?"
Merlin and Morgana looked at each other, trying to work out what the answer was to that. Eventually, Morgana answered.
"I never knew of the prophecies, other than the one that told me that Emrys was my destiny and my doom… the Cailleach told me that one . All I knew was that magic was power, Uther was the enemy of magic and myself and that as his daughter I deserved the crown. I think… when I was introduced to the mandrakes, all I could think about from then on was that I needed to be queen. It destroyed everything – my friendship with Gwen, my family… I couldn't love because there was only room for hate and revenge in my heart. This time Merlin gave me answers and was open with me. It's all different."
They all looked at Merlin who thought about it while Morgana made her excuses and left.
"Prophecies have always been hard. I've never really known if they are there to help with averting evil or to cause it. I have had good and bad experiences with it. The first time I saw Morgana killing Uther and I was able to stop that one, but others – like Kilgharrah destroying half of Camelot – I couldn't stop that one. I pretty much caused it to happen because I stupidly swore on my mother's life in exchange for knowledge to save Camelot. There were other times where I had dreams that told me I had to be in a certain place to save certain people or fates, but I still don't know…"
"Did that all stop after Arthur died?" Gwen asked. "I can't remember."
"No, it carried on. It sent me on journeys around the world," Merlin told them quietly.
"Where did you go?" Arthur asked, fascinated.
"Everywhere," Merlin said sadly. Luckily, Arthur saw that he didn't want to talk about it and didn't press. "I can ask Kilgharrah," Merlin then suggested. "He has the most experience with these things."
"Good idea. So, Percival, how much do you remember?"
That night, as Merlin transformed the rug again, Arthur was sitting up in bed, watching.
"Are you still… you know…?" he asked awkwardly, gesturing at the bed Merlin had made.
Merlin fought the compulsion, but he ended up nodding. "I'm sorry… I'll go back to Gaius if you prefer."
"No, it's OK. It's just a bit weird, that's all."
"I've been alive for a millennium and a half… I'm not worried about myself, just I can't lose you again. I can't die, so all I can do is… I don't know what I would do. I'm half afraid that I would tear the world apart, become the monster I have always feared."
"You could never be a monster, Merlin."
Merlin got up and wandered over, sitting on Arthur's bed when invited. "All I have ever been sure of is that I was created to serve you. It's the only thing that has ever felt right, so all that time when you weren't here… "
"Tell me," Arthur insisted.
"I went mad for a bit," Merlin admitted. "I kept running until I ended up in the southern parts of Africa. I had been apprenticed to a doctor in Germany, so, when I finally allowed myself to talk with people again, I was able to swap my medical knowledge… such as it was, with the tribes. I started collecting remedies and magic… part of it was working out what was superstition and what was real magic. And what was just drug-induced tripping. I then decided to just go around the world and learn. The Incas were interesting and they had real remedies. I have no idea what happened when the Spanish arrived, but the reports described a completely different race of people to the ones I knew. I went to university in Ferrara when they became a centre for medicine, and from there I went to talk to the Arabian healers. I can't quite remember the order of things, but I started experimenting with my magic. I was always so hopeless at healing spells, so I tried to learn how to improve. Then, I was in India and the British were fighting the French over trade routes and politics and jealousy, and… I saved this guy's life by accident. He thought I was a native, I didn't know his version of English by then so I had to learn it. His name was Arthur and I wondered for a long time if he was you, just in a new guise. Arthur Wellesley. He was so like you. He was a wonderfully charismatic man, who really cared for his men, but who was a giant prat sometimes. He gave me a position as his servant and he learned enough Hindi to chat with me when people were listening. I'm so glad he thought I was Indian as the heat was horrible and their clothes were much looser and less inhibiting than the uniforms the British had to wear. I had to change my features of course...
"Then I followed him back to Britain and, yeah, that was awful. Britain was a scary, dirty place where poor people lived on gin and factories were eating up the beautiful land…"
Merlin stopped for a moment, remembering. "I'm sorry, I'm boring you."
"No, it's fascinating. What happened next?"
"We went back to India and he kept fighting. He was cursed with older brothers who would inherit everything, but he was rich enough to buy his way up. However, he was one of the very few who actually knew what he was doing. He fought and won impossible battles and I used to follow him and try to keep him alive. He would do anything to win and then in private he would read every report and grieve horribly over every death he had caused. The men loved him, the officers loved him and he nearly always won. He lost a few battles, but when he turned up in Portugal to fight Napoleon's army… he was inspiring."
"Did he survive?"
Merlin laughed. "Arthur, he was the Duke of Wellington."
"What? The battle of Waterloo and all that?"
"Yes. He was brilliant, ruthless and very caring. He was Prime Minister and he fought for reforms that seemed impossible at the time, but changed everything. My life actually meant something again. He loved to live as though there was a battle around every corner, almost camping in his grand house. You know, he hated 10 Downing Street because it was too small, and yet he had this silly camp bed in his bedroom and used to eat anywhere but at a table if he could. I lost count of the number of times I saved his life too. Mostly in Britain actually."
"And then?"
"He died of several strokes at the ridiculous age of 83 and James and I had to just watch. It was devastating."
"James?"
"His valet."
"I thought you were…"
"No! I was an Indian! I couldn't have that exalted position! James was his valet, Beckerman was his sort of body-guard and I was his Indian pet!"
"Pet?"
"I didn't speak English, you see, as far as anyone knew. Everyone overlooked me, so I just followed him and helped James and saved his life. He used to keep a diary and he never once mentioned me in it because I always blended in. By the end I was the only person he could hear because I used to speak to him telepathically. I told him not to have stupid operations on his ears, but he was so stubborn. I… I used to sleep as near to him as possible and the others all thought it was because I was Indian. It was easy to change again and leave after he died."
"I'm glad you found a purpose again," Arthur murmured and Merlin almost started in surprise.
"It was so good to know that I was serving someone good. He wasn't perfect and he listened to me even less than you. These days he would probably be seen as bigoted and nasty, but then he was viewed as strong and principled."
"Did you tell him about your magic?"
"Not really. He thought it was an Indian thing. I never told him anything about myself really. He wasn't you, Arthur. He was my employer and I loved him, I even pretended to myself that he was you, but he was never my master."
There was silence after this while both contemplated the story, until Arthur asked, "Did you become a servant for anyone else?"
"Not a manservant. I worked for various people in various ways, but never intimately like that. It's a position that requires loyalty and… a kind of love. I mostly worked as a doctor or medic. You read stories or watch tv programmes about immortals being incredibly rich and having huge houses, but I never made it work for me. I've never had any riches. I did collect rubies for a while, but I kept losing them," Merlin chuckled. "I gambled a bit, but cheating has never really been my thing."
"You cheated against me!"
"That's different, that was to stop you being a humungous prat! And it was all in fun. What would I do with money? Other than pay Gwaine's bar tabs?"
"Have you told Lance any of this?"
Merlin was surprised by the change in direction. "Not as such. I will, of course, but… I chose to be reborn so that I could be raised without the complication of memories from my long life. It's like being two people. One has lived and survived through a hellish, never-ending life and the other is a relatively normal contemporary teenager. One life is simple and clear and the other is crushing and miserable, but with a happy ending. I've talked with Lance about you and what you mean to me and he gets that."
Arthur was looking thoughtful. "I can understand the double life thing. I remember being King, and I remember everything about the life we led. It was surprisingly modern in lots of ways."
"We had magic to make artefacts like the Romans had."
"I remember being in love with Guinevere and I remember how I felt about magic – I know that I was confused by it. I was brought up to hate it and yet I kept seeing people suffering needlessly. I keep wondering what I would have done if you had told me. I like to think I would have been understanding and grateful, but I think that it would have taken time to get to that point. It was the lies that bothered me and… in my arrogance, I felt that you should have just told me because you were my servant and it was your duty to tell me everything, and then it was up to me if you lived or died. I know I wouldn't have tried to have you executed, but… then I remember what I did to Gaius. I thought that he had taken up sorcery again because he had those books…"
"Planted by your uncle. He had a chest of them under his bed and… I couldn't tell you. I wanted to tell you that you were wrong, that Gaius would never betray you and that Agravaine was in league with Morgana, but…"
"I let him go," Arthur protested. "I allowed him to run."
"I told you and you said that you would ignore my treason because I was just upset." Merlin looked down, remembering the hurt. "Guinevere told me that he had shown the plans of the tunnels to Morgana, and you actually believed me. I was so happy that for once you had actually listened to me and I thought it would all get better, Agravaine would be gone and Gwen could come back… and then the plans were still there. She must have copied them. And you threatened me with banishment. I know that you never knew what that meant to me, but it really hurt."
Merlin shuddered when a hand touched his shoulder and he allowed himself to be guided down to lay his head on Arthur's arm, but he carried on down and laid his head on Arthur's thigh instead.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never realised… I knew you were loyal – you kept telling me and… and yet you were my servant and an idiot, so I never believed you. I thought you had misinterpreted things, that you couldn't be right. You kept disappearing and it was always tavern or herbs…"
"It was herbs sometimes," Merlin told him. "Gaius needed all kinds of herbs all the time, but it was also magic."
"Never the tavern?"
"Never."
"What were you doing when I got saddled with George?" Arthur asked, "Gaius told me you had been in the tavern."
"That was when Morgana tried to turn me into an assassin. She put this snake thing in me and I don't actually remember anything else, but Gaius and Gwen told me that they followed me around stopping me from killing you. I think my magic must have helped because I was seriously inept as an assassin. My plans were like something out of a cartoon – acid bath, crossbow on opening a cupboard… and then when I tried to attack you with a sword I ran into a pillar!"
Arthur was laughing and running his hands through Merlin's hair. "Only you!"
"Gwen kept knocking me out with a jug!" Merlin laughed, then he sobered and a few moments later spoke again, quietly. "I wonder why that whole period is so much clearer to me than any of the centuries between then and now?"
"Self-preservation?"
Merlin thought about that and nodded. "Probably. It wasn't a good time. I was horribly depressed for most of it. I only got to tell you who I really was moments before you died…" Merlin sat up. "You died, Arthur…" and once again he felt the weight of all those years and all that misery. "and I was punished by being made immortal." He cuffed away a tear.
"Thank you, Merlin. Thank you for everything. I never did anything to deserve your loyalty – in fact I think you probably should hate me for being a humungous prat."
"You have my loyalty still. I see who you really are and it is nothing to do with titles or money. If you had nothing, I would still be there to serve you, because you are you. And I missed you and I let you down…"
Arthur looked directly at Merlin and Merlin felt as though his master was searching for his soul. "I have one burning question. You don't have to answer it, but…"
"I can't lie to you."
"The battle at Camlann… the last one… you left me. It was going to be the largest battle ever and you left me. I know you had to change into that old man, but why did you leave?"
Merlin sighed and slipped down onto the bed again, curling up and not looking at Arthur. When he finally spoke, it was in a soft, sad voice.
"Mordred told Morgana who I really was. He told her that I was Emrys."
"Who is Emrys exactly?"
"The Druids used to call me that all the time and it was weird. They could talk in my head and it was horrible… You are the Once and Future King and you will bring about Albion with the aid of Emrys because we are both sides of the same coin. Those words have haunted me for centuries. Emrys is the most powerful sorcerer ever and they used to tell me that I was Emrys. It was scary. Then Morgana was told that Emrys would be her doom and she did everything to find out who I was. She thought that the old man disguise was Emrys, but didn't know that it was me. I had a bit of fun popping up every now and again, like with the formorrah, and she was terrified of me. Then Mordred told her and… she took my magic away." Merlin shuddered.
"Took your magic?"
"It was fair I suppose, as I did the same to her, but I was born with magic and… suddenly I couldn't do anything." He looked up at Arthur and remembered the hideous feeling of loss all over again. "Suddenly I was just a normal, weak, pathetic servant and I couldn't protect you! I had nothing else and… and so I left you to go to the Crystal Cave. I had to get my magic back."
"It's not true," Arthur leaned over and placed his hand on Merlin's head again. It made Merlin feel a bit like some kind of pet, but it also felt absolving. "You are more than just your magic, you know. You were, and are my closest friend and I trust you more than anyone else… even Guinevere.I didn't know about the magic, but you were still incredibly important to me. You gave me words when I was nervous, and you showed… wisdom when I was scared. You made me laugh with your clumsiness and you utter lack of respect for me… or anyone. Your encouragement was worth everything, so, when you left me that day… I had never done anything big without you. I think I knew that I was going to die, because you weren't there and I couldn't understand why you had left me."
"I should have told you the truth then. I should have just blurted it out and told you what I was doing. I'm sorry."
"Merlin?" Arthur waited for Merlin to look up at him. "Thank you. I'm here now and I'm glad that you are too. I don't know what we are here for, but we are here and this time you really will guide and advise me and I will listen. I promise."
"Thank you."
"Now, sleep." Merlin made to get up, but Arthur stopped him. "Sleep. Anywhere that makes you feel comfortable. If that means in my bed, then that's where you should sleep."
"Thank you, Sire," Merlin said in the Brittonic language they used to use, and he settled back down again, feeling a little silly, but also feeling safe in the knowledge that Arthur was really there. They both slept very well that night.
They all moved into Arthur's house properly on the 27th February and Gwaine popped up, climbing out of his old rust bucket of a car at the right moment. Hunith arrived in the afternoon in a van that was easily half empty and they all helped her to move into the annexe flat. Lance, Elyan and Percival all arrived in Elyan's car and Percival told them that he was going to be taking over the security of the place. Leon would carry on working at the college.
Elyan helped Gaius with his move and then set up his own tools and materials in the workshop while Gwen and Morgana worked with Arthur to set up their bedrooms.
Merlin took charge of the kitchen, accepting the large Ocado delivery of food and working out where everything should go. He felt quite daunted at the idea of cooking for the whole 'court', but he decided to start out easily with stews and curries and see where that went. He knew that his mum would help him once she had settled in.
They all ate together in one of the sitting rooms, which had now been designated as a dining room with a new table that could sit twelve people and Merlin served, even though Arthur had told him he didn't need to.
"Arthur," Gwen asked from her seat next to him, "Why is Merlin not eating with us?"
Arthur's eyes sparkled in mirth. "You'll have to ask Merlin that. I told him he could sit down and it's not as if there isn't room!"
They all looked at Merlin.
"I… er… I never sat with you, ever."
"But it's different now and Arthur says you can join us," Lance insisted.
"If it is a formal sitting meal where everyone eats together in here… I'm sorry, I just can't… but, look it won't be like this every day. We will mostly do a kind of buffet thing and use the table in the kitchen…" Merlin offered.
"If we have a meal in here then you can serve unless you want to sit and eat with us," Arthur declared. "But not in the kitchen. We will probably all have our lives and timetables, so… this is your home," he told them. "If Gwaine wants an orgy in his room, then I'm not going to stop him!"
"That's a relief!" Gwaine laughed as they all jeered.
"I'm not going to throw my weight around," Arthur resumed. "Yes, it's my house, but it's a base for all of you. You have your own lives and interests, which is why I liked this place, but I want you to feel that there is always a place for you here. If you need a home to go to, then I'd like you to feel that you can come here. The snug is like a common room and if you want to use the cinema, then use it. The pool and the gym are there whenever you want it and if you want to invite people to your rooms or wherever, then help yourselves. You've all seen the Castle – that's where I grew up with people coming and going all the time. Does that make sense?"
They all nodded. "We won't forget that it is yours, though Arthur," Elyan added. "You are still our leader."
"Tomorrow is the grand reveal," Arthur grinned. "I need you all in the hall by 5pm."
They all went to bed late that night. Morgana went back to the Lodge where all her clothes were, but everyone else settled in their rooms. Merlin did the rounds, checking that they were all comfortable and telling them to let him know if there was anything they needed. He spent the longest time with Lance, but eventually he made it back to the enormous room that Gwen and Arthur were going to share.
He knocked, remembering from Back Then how embarrassing it was for everyone if he just barged in on the Queen in an unready state, but he was called in.
"Can I help you, Sire?"
"Yes!" Arthur responded exasperatedly from his dressing room. "Where the hell are my pyjamas?"
"In this drawer," Merlin opened the correct drawer. "Pants, socks, other underwear, PJs," he instructed. "Oh, and linen basket!" he hinted.
"I'm sure I'll find a use for it!" Arthur growled. "Come on, help me!"
Merlin grinned and started releasing Arthur from his clothes. Gwen had her own dressing room on the other side of the bedroom and he could hear her rustling about.
"Any problems?" Arthur asked as Merlin pulled the t-shirt over him.
"No, everyone seems happy. Mum is a bit overwhelmed, but she's happy and… Gwaine looked almost tearful."
"I had a long chat with him at the Castle," Arthur confided. "He's never really had a home, so I wanted to give him one. The only home he really has is that car of his!"
"Well, he likes this one. I'll set up a breakfast buffet like the one at the castle each morning."
"Perfect, although we'll probably need to get some of those things they have in hotels to keep things warm."
"Or, we could use magic!" Merlin grinned.
"Or magic… right. Is that how my breakfast is always warm?"
"Yes, Sire. It was Back Then too."
"We will be eating together again tomorrow. Can you do something a bit special? You can order in if you like."
"I can do something. Mum will help me. What time?"
"About 7pm I should think. There will be a number of parcels arriving tomorrow as well, so you'll need to deliver them to the correct people. And then I want you in the living room at about 11am to help me set it up."
"I get to see it first?" Merlin said excitedly and Arthur rolled his eyes at the enthusiasm.
"Yes, you get a sneak preview. I will need some magic from you."
Merlin gaped. "You… you want me to do some magic? Really?"
"I'll explain tomorrow. And yes, I need your magic."
Merlin bowed his head, unable to hide his enormous grin, and replied, "Yes, my lord."
It was his dearest dream come true.
So it was that Merlin was hovering by the plastic-covered door to the living room by 10.30am not quite pacing. Arthur arrived, also early, and laughed at him, but he didn't really care.
"Coffee," he snapped.
"Really?"
"No, I just said it to annoy you."
"Well, technically you did say it for that reason, which is why I'm questioning the order," Merlin smirked back. "Ow!"
"Coffee!" Arthur commanded again as Merlin rubbed the back of his head and went to the kitchen to prod the stupid coffee machine that was even more complicated than the one at the Lodge.
"Your coffee, Your Majesty," Merlin presented it, "please don't say I have to wait until you've drunk it!"
"I suppose it would be a bit mean," Arthur grinned and took a slow mouthful of the latte. "But then, I'm the master and you're the servant, so it's up to me, isn't it?"
"Yes, Oh Great Master!" Merlin replied snidely, but he pulled his arms behind his back and adopted a 'servant's pose'.
"Better," Arthur approved and then he handed the cup back to his servant and removed the plastic from the door. "Come, Minion."
Merlin rolled his eyes, but followed eagerly none-the-less and then gaped.
The most obvious feature in the room was the huge round table with intricately carved chairs all around at the clock points. The table had twelve segments carved into it and a ring that made it look a little like a darts board.
Around the room were sconces and candelabras and the huge fireplace looked onto a cosy sitting room with three large sofas and chairs around the edges. There was a large TV and a wooden coffee table all sitting on a red and gold rug, which made Merlin realise that the floor was exposed wood. The colour scheme was cream with scarlet and gold accents and above the fireplace was a large shield with the Pendragon Crest painted proudly and, directly underneath that, Merlin spotted the tankard that Calibourn town had given Arthur . The sideboard was an old one and Merlin wondered if it had come from the Castle.
"What do you think?" Arthur asked, taking the coffee cup back.
"It's… amazing. There's nothing medieval about it, but it evokes Camelot somehow." To the front of the house there was a window seat which framed the huge table. "You have twelve spaces."
"There may be others I wish to invite," Arthur said evasively.
"What… um… magic do you want me to do?"
"I don't know if this is possible, and if it isn't then it doesn't matter, but… I am hoping that you can make their names appear on the chairs and in that ring around the table?" Arthur asked eagerly.
"I can do that. I may need to go back and redo it if it doesn't come out quite as you want it, but I can carve the names or paint them."
"Paint on the table and carved on the chairs? Can you really do that?"
"For you I can do almost anything, Sire." Both were sporting matching, excited grins.
"There are two large bottles of champagne in the fridge and there should be two boxes on the table. Have we got a large silver tray?"
"Yes, of course."
"Then go and lay out the glasses and bring them here and put them on the sideboard. There will also be some crockery and cutlery, but I put those in the Dining Room, so you will need to sort that out too. We will only ever use them for special Round Table events. I also have a glass top ordered for the table, but that probably won't be ready until next week, so the coasters will have to do. Have you got all of that?"
"Yes, my lord," Merlin replied with another roll of the eyes, because he wasn't actually an idiot.
"Then, after lunch, I want you to run me a bath."
"A bath?"
"Yes, you know, porcelain tub thing with hot water?"
"I know what a bath is," Merlin ground out.
"You are going to prepare me as though for my coronation," Arthur explained Merlin felt the dawning of understanding.
"I remember, Sire," he smiled warmly.
"There's a suit hidden by a full cover in my wardrobe and that is what I'm going to be wearing. The girls are seeing to themselves and I think the knights are doubling up. You are with me."
Merlin bowed slightly, and went to complete his tasks.
Even though the bath was larger and made of porcelain, and there was a shower attachment and very different products, the act of bathing his master was actually still very familiar and relaxing. He used the soft cloth and didn't have to worry about scrubbing too hard, the salts in the water weren't harsh, but rather pleasant. Shampooing Arthur's hair wasn't a hardship and he did the whole thing reverently as he always had on any occasion when Arthur had demanded it.
Arthur was relaxed and almost purring, just as he had been on the day he was crowned. Just as he had been when he married Gwen. Helped a little by Merlin's ability to massage, with his literally magic hands.
Merlin helped him out of the bath and then dried him from top to bottom, not hurrying, but making sure to be thorough. He then wrapped him in a soft robe and they progressed to the bedroom, where Merlin dried his master's hair, just as he had been taught.
Usually when Merlin served him like this, Merlin would chatter and they would joke, tease and generally annoy each other, but this time Merlin served seriously and silently in honour of the occasion and Arthur appreciated his understanding.
The suit cover was from a high end tailor and when Merlin undid the fastenings he gasped at what he was seeing. There was even underwear to go with it, so he retrieved that first.
Next there was a crisp white shirt with gold embroidery and two golden dragons on the collar. There was no tie, so the shirt lay open at the neck and each of the buttons had tiny gold dragons on them.
After that Merlin brought over the trousers which were black and fastened with the complicated button system that Merlin was beginning to get used to. He did them up and then tweaked them to ensure a perfect fit. There was a red silk waistcoat and then, over the top, a black silk jacket that had flared tails, almost like a Regency jacket. Once again, Merlin tweaked it so that it was all a perfect fit and brushed it so that there were no flaws anywhere.
The last parts were the cufflinks, gold dragons again, a pair of black silk socks and a pair of patent leather shoes which Merlin placed on his master's feet and tied up with the most even bow he could manage. He then sat back on his heels and looked Arthur over critically.
Arthur looked at himself in the large mirror, turned around a couple of times and then nodded.
"Thank you, Merlin."
"A pleasure, my lord," Merlin responded and stood up. "You look pretty special, Sire."
Arthur smiled.
"You have an outfit too. It's in your wardrobe. Go and fetch it."
"May I shower first?"
"I'm not scrubbing your back," Arthur warned, amused.
"Not my type, Sire!" Merlin sang and headed for the bathroom that he usually used.
It didn't take long, and eventually he was pulling out the suit cover with a towel around his waist.
"Do you need any help?" Arthur asked from the door and Merlin blushed.
"I think I can manage… and if there are feathers, I refuse to wear it!"
Apparently, though, Arthur was going to watch, so, feeling horribly self-conscious in a way that Arthur had never displayed, Merlin pulled out the pants and slipped them on before dropping the towel.
He had a shirt just like Arthur's with gold dragons on collar and buttons. He also had a pair of over-complicated trousers, but instead of the waistcoat and jacket, he had a red silk velvet tabard edged in gold and sporting the Pendragon coat of arms. It was a whole lot nicer than the ones they had worn in Camelot. The tabard had the same kind of flare that Arthur's jacket had. There were socks and shoes and Merlin had no clue how Arthur had arranged shoes that fit so well.
Arthur fussed a bit with the tabard and then dragged Merlin into his bedroom to look at himself in the large mirror.
"What do you think?"
"It's OK. No feathers."
"I like that you are wearing my coat of arms," Arthur said smugly.
"Your ownership is stamped all over me," Merlin rolled his eyes. "May be hard to cook or vacuum in."
"It's only for special occasions and you know it! Don't ruin the mood."
"I'm sorry, my lord," Merlin bowed again with exaggerated solemnity.
"Better."
Merlin tweaked Arthur's outfit again so it was sitting properly and they looked at each other in recognition.
"I remember preparing you for your quest," Merlin told him.
"The one I had to do unaided and alone?"
"Yes Sire! It was a good thing I was there as I was able to scare off the wyverns," Merlin smiled.
"How did you scare off wyverns?"
"I'm dragon Lord, and they don't have a choice. I never told you what really happened there, did I?"
"No," Arthur agreed accusingly.
"It turned out that the quest was actually for me and the cuff that Morgana gave you… it was an Eye of the Phoenix."
"I lost it," Arthur remembered.
"Not exactly. I took it off you because it was draining you of your life force. You had passed out when I got to you."
"Draining me? Was that why I was so tired? That Grettir guy, he saw it and he was laughing."
"It turned out that it was totally necessary. When we got separated by the heavy door… I found myself in the throne room with the Fisher King himself."
"The Fisher King? Merlin, there was no one there."
"He was still alive and had been alive for centuries, stuck there, waiting. He called me Emrys and he dropped the trident, but he gave me something much more precious – a flask of water from the Lake of Avalon."
"You're making this up," Arthur scoffed.
"I can't lie, remember? In return he asked for the Eye of the Phoenix. When I put it on him, he smiled and then… sort of disintegrated."
"You killed him?"
"I released him. Grettir told me to give him what he wanted."
"Why water from Avalon?"
"Before the immortal army thing, I dropped it," he paused so Arthur could roll his eyes, "and in the puddle it made I saw Freya… the Lady of the Lake. She told me that spilling the blood out of the Cup would destroy the army. She also gave me Excalibur again. After that I put it in the stone for you."
"Excalibur! Go and fetch the sword. It's on the Round Table. Don't let anyone see the room."
"Yes, my lord."
"And Merlin?" Arthur waited until Merlin had turned back and was listening. "Formal behaviour to everyone from now on."
"Yes my lord," Merlin replied.
Once Merlin got back with the sword, he presented it to Arthur, but Arthur shook his head.
"I want you to carry it for me. I have no scabbard, so it needs to be shown. What's the time?"
"Half past four, Sire," Merlin said in surprise.
"OK, we'll go down now and wait for everyone." Arthur turned and picked up another box.
"Do you want me to carry that as well?"
Arthur considered. "Leave the sword here, go to the Round Table and put the boxes out according to the numbers. Don't open them – they are a surprise."
Elyan and Gaius were already in the Reception hall waiting. They both wore similar clothes to Arthur's, although Gaius didn't have a jacket. He was explaining to Elyan that he found jackets too restrictive and he felt too old to be dealing with that kind of thing.
"You look rather well dressed, Merlin," Gaius smiled.
"Arthur, sorry, Lord Arthur is just claiming me as his possession," Merlin laughed. "I told him, no feathers!"
Gaius explained about the feathers to Elyan while Merlin completed his task, then he came out again and shut the double doors.
"Lord Arthur doesn't want anyone to see inside until he's ready – can you both stop the Ladies from spoiling the surprise?"
"We can try," Elyan laughed, "but you have met my sister?"
"Lady Guinevere will spoil it if she does look, Sir Elyan, " Merlin insisted. "I have to get back to my master," and he climbed the stairs again.
"How does he say all of that with a straight face?" he heard Elyan asking.
"Because he really believes it," Gaius explained. "We were all reborn and we have been given memories of that time, but Merlin never died. He is the Merlin from those days and he spent a millennium and a half waiting for Arthur to return. Arthur is his everything."
"Grand entrance time I think," Arthur decided as Merlin got back and picked up the sword. "Did you behave?"
"Of course, Sire," Merlin answered seriously. He opened Arthur's bedroom door and waited for his master to exit before shutting it firmly. He then followed Arthur down the stairs, holding the sword with reverence.
Lancelot and Gwaine had arrived and Merlin took a moment to appreciate Lancelot in the beautifully tailored outfit that was identical to Arthur's. He looked astonishingly handsome and Merlin just sighed.
"Hey, stop drooling!" Gwaine hissed in his ear.
"Sir Gwaine," Merlin bowed and ignored him, turning to see Percival and Leon appearing from the other staircase, both looking impossibly good looking as well and then the girls arrived. They had dressed in Hunith's annexe and they came through the kitchen, but all three had long velvet gowns on. They were red with gold dragons embroidered all around the neckline and the hem and they had golden belts. Gwen was wearing a band that sat on her forehead and she looked like the Queen that Merlin remembered, especially when she saw Arthur and her face lit up in delight.
Arthur went to her and kissed her hand.
"My Lord," she smiled.
"My Lady, you look beautiful," Arthur grinned and then tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. "Merlin, it's time."
"Yes, my lord."
Merlin muttered a spell and the doors opened slowly, revealing the room to the gathered court. Arthur led the way with Gwen and Merlin followed them, then Leon offered an arm to Morgana and Gaius offered an arm to Hunith. Gwaine offered an arm to Percival, but Percival pretended to cuff his head and they all just filed into the huge room.
Arthur chose a seat and stood behind it, gesturing at Merlin to place the sword in front of his place, which he did before taking up his place at Arthur's right shoulder. Arthur glanced back at him with a small smile and then looking around at the assembled people.
"Yes, this is the Round Table. It's not the original one, of course, but the design is the same only in mahogany. Just as before, I'm going to offer you a seat. The table is round, of course, because that means that there is no head, but as I own it, I'm going to go first. Merlin?"
Merlin concentrated and then spoke some words, in which they all heard Arthur Pendragon and when his eyes flashed gold, letters were revealed in gold on the table and then carved into the band at the top of the chair. Merlin looked at Arthur and Arthur nodded, causing no little relief on Merlin's face.
"Lady Morgana Pendragon-Le Fay, my sister. You have been called 'Balance'. You didn't have a place at the table because you were betrayed, but I offer it to you now."
"My brother, I would be delighted to accept. You're right. I know how hate and envy can betray you and lead you on a destructive path, so I see this as a kind of redemption and a second chance."
"Choose your place."
Morgana chose to sit opposite her brother and Merlin made her name appear. She smiled at him in thanks and he bowed.
"Lady Guinevere, my Queen?"
She interrupted and replied, "Yes, with all my heart."
Arthur beamed and she took a seat to his left.
"Sir Elyan Smith?"
Elyan spoke as though he had been practising.
"I can offer you something different in this age. I can make gadgets with electronics and I can manufacture items. My Lord, I offer this in exchange for a place at your table."
"It's not an exchange, Elyan. It is an invitation and I am very appreciative of your offer, but if you had no skills to offer, you would have the place regardless. Choose a seat."
Elyan chose to sit next to his sister and his name appeared at the same time as he sat.
"Sir Gwaine Knightson?"
Gwaine gave Arthur a small smile of mirth and Merlin winced, expecting a flippant response, but then Gwaine nodded his head and spoke.
"I remember my life from back then and when you offered me a place at your table it was the first time I ever felt a purpose to my life. Instead of a never-ending adventure, hating privilege and nobility, I found a code to live by and a home. This time I will make my home here and I pledge myself to you and your cause."
"Then choose a seat, Gwaine." He chose a seat next to Elyan.
"Sir Percival Grant?"
"I pledged myself to you back then by saying that your enemies are my enemies, but I quickly discovered that your friends were my friends as well. I am happy to pledge myself and my fighting skills to you again, my lord."
"And I told you to call me Arthur. Join us and choose your seat."
"Thank you, Arthur."
Percival sat opposite Gwaine
"Dr Gaius, my friend?"
"If you can use an old man…" he offered and they all laughed as they remembered him saying that Back Then.
"Always Gaius," Arthur smiled.
Gaius sat next to Gwaine.
"Sir Lancelot Du Lac, the bravest and noblest of my knights, you sacrificed your life for Camelot. Will you join me again?"
"I pledged myself to you when you were my King and I commit myself to your service now. You command the man who holds my heart, and I am proud to serve you again, my lord."
"Thank you Lancelot, and remember, it is Arthur. Be seated."
Lancelot nodded and chose a seat opposite Gaius.
"Sir Leon Dylan?"
"I will always protect you, my lord, and I pledge myself to your service happily."
Arthur grinned. "Thank you Leon. And it is Arthur. Sit next to my sister, please."
Leon bowed and sat.
"Hunith Emrys, you are Merlin's mother and I should have invited you to come and live with us Back Then, but you seemed so settled in Ealdor. I never knew my mother, but your son is dear to me and I can't bear to think of you being parted from him. You are caring and generous and I offer you a place here because I admire your strength."
"You are very kind, my lord," Hunith answered shyly.
"Arthur," Arthur insisted, a little annoyed now.
"But I am not like all these people. I'm just a library assistant, although I am very happy to help Merlin with his tasks."
Arthur walked around the table to join Merlin's mother, explaining as he went.
"The idea of the Round Table is that no one is above or below, there is no sense of class or worth and yet I would ask you to join us if the table were for Nobles only. Will you join us? As family?"
Merlin beamed with joy, especially as his mother blushed and nodded, so Arthur guided her by the hand to sit.
There were two empty seats, but Merlin knew that there were others who might appear, or people whom Arthur might decide to invite, so he went to fetch the glasses.
"Where are you going?" Arthur asked.
"To fetch the champagne," Merlin told him quietly.
"No," Arthur snagged Merlin's sleeve. "I made a huge mistake Back Then. When I inaugurated the table for my personal court, I told you that you had no choice. You and I joked and then you agreed to join me, although you never said the words. Then, when I became king, I made my own Round Table and… I never invited you to it."
"Of course not, my lord." Merlin frowned. He had never wanted a place. He had been the only servant in the room and that had already given him a highly privileged existence.
"No, I wanted my table to include my advisors and friends and I ended up just putting nobles and knights on it. I forgot to leave a place of honour for my best friend and most trusted advisor. Merlin Emrys, would you do me the honour of taking the place at my right hand at my table?"
"Are you serious?" Merlin gasped. "But I'm… I'm no one, I'm just…"
"Stop!" Arthur ordered sharply. "No one is 'just' anything. You are the person I trust most in the world, equal with Guinevere. Everyone sitting here today is my close friend and I trust them and revere them, but none of them are like you. Even in this modern age, you have shown me your loyalty over and over again, even in an age where loyalty and service are almost despised. Please, Merlin?"
"I… I never wanted recognition…" Merlin stammered, looking around at the encouraging and eager faces.
"Elyan, Leon, if I was not around or if I was injured, who gave the orders?"
The two knights looked at each other and Arthur saw realisation dawn.
"We took orders from the Queen or… from Merlin," Leon answered.
"It's true," Elyan addressed Merlin directly. "If you gave an order, we always took it as the word of our King. You were usually the only person who knew what was going on."
The others all nodded.
"It's true, Merlin," Gaius added. "When Arthur became king, you were at the heart of everything."
"Does anyone deny that Merlin deserves a place here?"
There was silence.
"So, there you have it. Your seat is here," Arthur pointed at the seat next to him and Merlin gave in and allowed his name to appear on the table, to clapping from the rest. "Sit down then."
"I can't," Merlin protested quietly.
"Sit down."
"Not while you are standing…" Merlin blushed. "I'm sorry…"
Arthur just laughed and sat down just so that Merlin would. Merlin hunched down as though he was doing something wrong.
"In front of you all there are boxes. Open them."
They all looked at each other and dared each other to open their box first, but Arthur grabbed Merlin's and opened it for him, after which they all copied and looked at the enamel badges inside.
"OK," Gwaine laughed, "how did you know?"
"Know?" Arthur asked.
"They've got our names on them, and they are in front of the right chairs!"
"Oh, that. Magic," Arthur chuckled.
"Don't look at me," Merlin insisted.
"I knew where you would all choose to sit," Arthur explained. "Although I didn't realise that Merlin was going to be so feudal."
"Can I go and be feudal again now, my lord?"
"Go on," Arthur nodded. "And when you are sitting at the Round Table it is always Arthur, always."
"Yes my lord," Merlin grinned getting to his feet.
"Merlin, what did I just say?"
"But I'm not sitting down, Sire," he replied cheekily, ducked the slap aimed at his head and went to get the champagne and glasses.
The badges showed the Round Table being held up by the gold dragon head which was breathing fire around their names and the glasses were the same.
"You wear them all the time, although you don't have to wear them where they can be seen. I can't knight you again, again-again in your case Lance!"
Lance sniggered.
"But these show that you are members of the Real Round Table, and that includes you Morgana and Hunith, even though you weren't with us back then. There is one more place at the moment and I am going to ask someone to fill it, but there may be more in the future and Merlin will adjust the table accordingly. We follow a code of decency and nobility. We are loyal to each other and we share what we can, we support those who need support and we will fight to make this world a better place."
"There were parts of the Knights Code that always bothered me," Lance said. "We had to swear loyalty to the King above all and then there was a load of stuff about who was worthy and who really wasn't, but I always lived the code as though it applied to everyone, peasants and farmers as well as knights and nobles."
"I agree," Gwaine said supportively. "I need to save as many ladies as possible!"
"Gwaine!" Gwen scolded.
"No, you're right, my lady," Gwaine raised his hands in mock apology, "there are plenty of delightful guys to be saved too!"
They all laughed, but Arthur held up his hand, although he wore a wide grin. "Gwaine, please be yourself, you are the one who reads every situation and makes it better. You bring levity and joy…"
"And endless chatter!" Elyan complained causing more laughter.
Merlin had opened and poured the champagne by now and brought it around, matching glasses with people. Then Gwen stood up.
"I propose a toast, to the Round Table!"
They all stood and toasted the Round Table, even Merlin who found his own glass and decided to just go with it. He then sidled up to Arthur and asked if he should go and sort the meal now.
"You can sit and enjoy yourself like everyone else."
"Arthur, you dressed me differently to everyone else because you know me. I can sit and chat, or I can give you my service and both give me equal pleasure. I know you have always teased me for my terrible serving skills, but I do want to do things for you and, when I first started working for you in both ages, I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but I wanted to do well for you. If I didn't want to serve you, I wouldn't. So, I never wanted to be a knight, I never wanted to be the Royal Magician or whatever, I never wanted a seat at the Round Table because I had something much better. I have something much better. I am yours. You can rely on me to always have your best interests at heart, even if it might not seem to be so. I defy you when I need to… or when I want to, or… when it's funny," he grinned his daftest grin, "but I will never, ever harm you or leave you."
"Give up, Arthur," Gwaine laughed. "Let him do what he does best. We all know him and deride him for the loyal fool he is, all the while being a bit jealous."
"Jealous?" Arthur questioned, astonished.
"I could never do what Merlin does, and I don't mean the magic. For me you offer me a home, a place for me to leave my heart, but I will go out and get gigs and meet girls and boys. I will have fun and then I'll come home, because I have one now. I don't have to pretend here and it was the same at Camelot. We had a purpose as well as a proper braggart of a King. But Merlin, he sees you when you close the door on the world. He knows you and he sees so much. We listen to Merlin when he speaks because he knows us as well as he knows you and, Lance, I'm jealous of you, you lucky bastard. I could never serve the way Merlin does, or give my undying loyalty in the same way. You have my loyalty, Arthur, don't get me wrong, and I would take a bullet for you, but it's not my grand purpose in life."
"I agree," Leon put in. "I serve in a different way and I would also take a bullet for you, but I would do the same for any of you. My loyalty is to the ideals of the Table and I want to share your vision Arthur, but Merlin is here for you and I am jealous, but not in the same way. I wish that I could inspire such loyalty. If you have it, don't throw it away."
"You don't need me here for this," Merlin blushed. "I'll go and put the dinner on."
With his mum's help, Merlin provided a three course meal for the whole of the Round Table, but they ate in the dining room from plates that had been specially designed (and, Merlin noticed, they couldn't go in the dishwasher) and silver cutlery. The glasses were new and Arthur had also found (or had made) a red table cloth with gold dragons all around and two in the middle. It was Merlin who decided to 'transfigure' a couple of candelabra so that they represented gold dragons to go in the middle.
The food was a little reminiscent of the meals they had had Back Then, with guinea fowl and vegetables – although no potatoes – and fruit, and an apple and honey cake for dessert, although there had been no concept of courses as such Back Then. There was wine, of course, but also water and fruit juice and Merlin found himself actually enjoying himself as he passed plates and refilled glasses. Then, at the end, he brought in a cream and honey liqueur which had been served in Camelot at Beltane and which he had made several times for himself over the centuries.
The sweet and slightly alcoholic drink made them all sigh and remember and even Merlin had some. It always reminded him of summer and longer days full of light and life, and he always made some for the 1st May.
"It almost tastes like Bailey's!" Morgana commented. "I hope you have more of it."
"I do," Merlin grinned.
"I remember helping to make this," Gwen reminisced in delight. "It was one of those things that we all used to help with. Beltane wasn't it?"
They all nodded.
Arthur declared that it was time for them all to go back to the Round Table room and relax and Merlin brought more of the drink and coffee for them to enjoy. He had a mound of washing up to do and his own meal to eat. He was surprised, however, when Arthur and Lancelot came to the kitchen with him.
"Can I do anything for you, Sire?" he asked formally, removing his tabard and finding an apron.
"Yes, you can sit down and eat while Lance and I do the washing up."
"I beg your pardon?" Merlin asked almost hyperventilating.
"We will do the washing up, while you eat. It's not that hard to understand."
"Since when do you know how to do the washing up?" Merlin asked faintly and felt a little relieved when Arthur blushed a little.
"Lance is going to show me. I have done it before, but I was more often chased out of the kitchens because I was in the way."
"You… you did do it once… when you became a simpleton," Merlin grinned, pulling his dinner out of the oven.
"Tristan and Isolde?" Arthur asked. "Tristan was devastated when he lost Isolde. I wanted to knight him, but he wanted to go back to Cornwall and perform the death rites for her."
"They were great and they showed you that Gwen… Guinevere was so important to you," Merlin smiled.
"But how did that equate to me doing the washing up?"
"Oh… well, I may have lied a bit…" Merlin blushed.
"What did you do?" Arthur asked threateningly.
"I… um… well, I knew that you wouldn't leave Camelot even though it had fallen, so I… er… used magic on you, my lord."
"I feel compelled to remind you that this all happened fifteen centuries ago, Arthur," Lance said in Merlin's defence.
"You magicked me into a simpleton?" Arthur demanded, stepping towards Merlin, who backed away.
"No… at least, that's not what I meant to do, Sire! I… I…" he swallowed and looked away, "I compelled you to… um… obey me, Sire."
"You did what?" Arthur shouted.
"I'm sorry, my lord, I just had to save your life and you wouldn't have come with me otherwise!" Merlin babbled.
Arthur loomed over him, then cuffed his head and commanded, "Eat your dinner!"
"Yes, Sire," Merlin agreed and meekly. He was then startled when Lance kissed his head.
"I'd have liked to see that," he grinned.
"It was a bit funny, but… ah… I don't think he wants me to talk about it," Merlin replied catching Arthur's eye. "Although, the best bit was when he started taking over and telling Tristan what to do. He is…"
"Merlin, I commanded you to eat your dinner. Now, do it!" Arthur cut in crossly.
"Yes Sire," Merlin said again and dug into his veg, surprised that Arthur was still willing to wash up his own posh plates.
Merlin was stuck watching his master and his boyfriend make a terrible job of washing the plates. Lance was ok, but clearly hadn't realised that you should drain the plates before attacking them with the drying cloth. The tea towels were new and not too absorbent and Lance was running through them too quickly, while Arthur really had no concept of how water and soap could help to rid the plates of gunk and was washing them in filthy water already.
As soon as he had finished his meal, he hovered until he could bear it no more.
"Please, Sire, may I do it?"
"I ordered you to eat," Arthur replied tersely.
"I have eaten… please, it's kind of distressing watching you do that…"
"This water is disgusting," Arthur agreed.
"It works best, um, my lord, if you start with the least dirty items and work to the dirtiest. Use the thing that looks like a shower head to chase the food off. It also helps if you drain off the dirt into the waste disposal before you wash and wash them in clean water… sorry… Did you not know that?" he asked Lance, who shook his head and explained.
"I've always had a dishwasher at home and I tend to wash things under a running tap at college."
"And you, Lance, should always let the dishes drain before drying them. We didn't even have washing up liquid until last century." He risked looking up at Arthur, who was looking thoughtful.
"So, what you're saying is that when Lance and I have left the room, you will be washing these things again?"
"N… Yes, Sire," Merlin admitted quietly, after a warning twang from his magic.
Arthur laughed. "I had forgotten how much fun it was to mess with you. It's not your fault that I have never been allowed to wash up. But you will teach me and whenever we have a Round Table meeting, you will never do the washing up. There will always be someone else to take on that task," Arthur vowed. "That is a command from your master, Merlin."
"Yes, my lord," Merlin sighed.
"Your mum won't be allowed to do it every time, either," Arthur added. "The Table is supposed to be about equality…." Arthur's face took on a suddenly distant look and he turned at smiled at Merlin. "We are sitting on the steps going up to the main hall… I notice that my boots are dirty and you say I should do them myself…"
Merlin's smile matched Arthur's, "I remember… it's still the same now, equality all round, but you pay me to do things like that. I was teasing."
"I know that. You told me that I… that I should prepare to become king. It's strange how little scenes pop up like that… seemingly out of nowhere."
"I remember that time much better and with much greater clarity than any other period in my life," Merlin murmured, nudging Arthur out of the way so he could start redoing the dishes.
"No," Arthur said firmly. "You show me how and I will do the dishes."
So Merlin gave Arthur a tutorial on washing up and then magicked the dishes dry with a flash of his eyes, leaving Arthur and Lance laughing helplessly.
Eventually they were all gathered back in the Table Room, sitting on the sofas with coffee and Merlin was forced to sit too. The chat was easy and funny and everyone told stories they remembered from Back Then. Some of them were news to Merlin – he hadn't known much about Elyan and Gwen's childhood together as he had barely known Elyan existed until he was knighted. Lance told them about growing up in Brittainy the first time and nearer to Lyon the second time, how he had been taught to read and sing by a bard in the kingdom over the seas and he had sung about the nobility of knights and how the knights of Camelot were the epitome of chivalry.
Gwaine told Gwaine-type stories, of course and they even persuaded Percival to talk about Then and now. Merlin showed them his juggling and how he was now able to juggle five balls and this devolved into many hilarious and not-so-hilarious stories about Merlin's escapades and how he had hidden his magic. Not being able to lie to Arthur meant that he was a bit more open than he might otherwise have been.
"I just wish they had invented cameras back then," Gwen sighed, chuckling. "That costume Arthur made you wear at the feast… that ridiculous hat with all the feathers!"
"I remember you dressed as a girl – a really ugly one!" Arthur laughed.
"I remember meeting you for the first time – in the stocks!" Gwen added.
"I put up with a lot for you, Arthur!" Merlin grumbled, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face.
"Elyan, how about you make me some stocks so I can punish Merlin when I need to?" Arthur teased.
"Hm…. I'd need to take his measurements…" Elyan pondered and they all laughed at Merlin's indignant squawks.
"I think that they should be made to Arthur's size," Gwen decided. "I need a way to punish him too!"
"Now, that sounds more like it!" Merlin agreed, standing up to replenish coffee cups and handily heating the coffee magically. Lance grabbed him as he went back to his chair and made him sit on the sofa next to him.
"No one is putting my Merlin in stocks ever again. He puts up with far too much with such good humour, so I will defend his honour if anyone is mean to him."
"My hero!" Merlin grinned and kissed him.
That night everyone went to bed in the new house, including Morgana. Merlin knocked on her door, knowing that she had just entered and she beckoned him in.
"Are you OK?" he asked, using the Irish language.
"Yes," she smiled too brightly, speaking in English and reminding him of times when she was working against Camelot. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"You were very quiet," Merlin explained, "I… I realised that the conversation must have been hard for you."
Morgana sat down on her bed and lost her false cheer. "I missed out on all that. I stupidly…"
"My lady, you were not stupid. I always felt horribly guilty that I didn't help you. I went against all the advice from that bloody dragon and from Gaius when I told you about the druids. I really wanted to show you my magic and admit to you that it was just magic and that magic could be beautiful and good. The dragon was obsessed with the prophecies and wanted to keep you and Mordred apart and Gaius… he was afraid. He had survived the Purge because he was able to fight magical attacks and he swore to Uther that he would give up magic. He was viewed as a traitor by many magic users, but… he wanted to be in a position where he could help."
Morgana's eyes were full of tears. "I just wanted someone to tell me that I wasn't evil, that these things could be used and trained. I was so frightened. Morgause was the only person in the world who made me not feel like a monster, and yet she was the one who turned me into one. I feel angry and betrayed… even by you, and yet I also feel such enormous guilt."
Merlin crouched down and lowered his eyes. "I did betray you," he agreed, then he looked up and waited for her to meet his gaze. "It wasn't when I poisoned you as I knew that I would be able to revive you. It was in not helping, not being honest… I remember when you thought I was in love with Gwen – I thought you had seen my magic and that you were telling me that it was alright and that you would keep that secret. For one glorious moment I thought I had a real ally… and then I was too afraid to tell you the truth. It was so hard."
"It was. I wanted to kill Uther – I wanted to make him afraid because of all those people he had killed. I wanted revenge… I… I still do…"
"Don't let your anger win, my lady. You have all of us. We are all together and you are such an important part of that. I am so glad you are here." He got up and then grinned, mischievously. "I have been wondering about some of the spells in the Harry Potter books – I wonder if we can use those ideas and… I have got some great prank ideas to play on Arthur."
"I insist that you let me in on them!" Morgana grinned with eyes sparkling and Merlin knew that it would work out OK.
It was when everyone was asleep, and Merlin could feel the quiet in the house, that his dreams and fears overtook him again. Closing his eyes, all he could see was Arthur dying, Arthur's face on realising he had been betrayed by Morgana, by Agravaine, by… himself. He remembered being so helpless when Agravaine accused Gaius of being the traitor and how Arthur had not even tried to listen to Merlin. He then got stuck on that moment, after finally revealing his magic to his mortally wounded master… being told to leave… to go away…
He couldn't help it. Today had been a glorious day, but what if it turned out to be a dream? He had dreamed of the recreation of the Round Table so many times over so many years, and each time he had woken up to discover that it was all false. The dreams when Arthur came back and told him that he accepted his magic were all followed by waking up to being alone again.
He remembered several times when he had dreamed that the Duke was his Arthur, and then he would go and see him and know, in his heart, that he wasn't his master.
On opening his wet eyes, he recognised his room as the bedroom Arthur had set up for him in his own house, so he got up and crept into Arthur's room. The single candle by the bedside gave off the perfect glow to show Arthur wrapped up in Gwen, snoring a little and looking so peaceful and content and Merlin wiped away his tears. Arthur was here… he was really here. But the tears wouldn't stop, however many times he wiped them away.
Merlin knew that he should go back to his own bedroom, that he should get over this stupid need for Arthur. He had tried, over the many centuries, to find a new purpose in life, to replace Arthur with something valuable and worthwhile. He had tried to create Albion alone, but he wasn't a leader. He was the servant behind the great leader. He would take the orders and make it happen, bolster the leader to give him confidence, use his magic to serve him, and make his home life easy and perfect. He needed Arthur.
Eventually, after several attempts at leaving and going back to his own room, Merlin sank to his knees and laid his head on the mattress, allowing the tears to fall onto the duvet and there he fell asleep, only to be woken in the morning by a strong hand running through his hair.
"Bad night?" Arthur whispered his question to allow Gwen to sleep on.
Merlin nodded and wiped the gunk out of his eyes, accepting Arthur's hand pulling him to his feet. Arthur then led him out of the bedroom and over to the landing where there were sofas positioned in the light, airy space over the entrance hall. Arthur sat and pulled Merlin down beside him. Merlin perched next to him with eyes lowered in shame.
"It's not healthy, you know."
"I know," Merlin agreed in a whisper. "But I can't help it. For fifteen centuries I waited… I tried so hard to be something of my own, to make a life for myself… I found work, I helped people, I learned new magic and travelled the world, but… it was all so empty and… I needed you," Merlin sobbed. "It was my punishment."
"Punishment?" Arthur asked, running his hand through Merlin's hair as he rested his head on Arthur's knees.
"For failing you," Merlin explained.
"You didn't fail me," Arthur asserted.
"You told me to leave you," Merlin carried on. "You told me to go away…"
"When?"
"I told you about my magic…" Merlin sniffed. "You were dying and…"
"Merlin, have I told you to leave me since that moment?" Merlin didn't have a reply to that, so Arthur dragged his fingers through Merlin's hair and lifted his servant's head up. Forcing him to look up at Arthur. "I felt betrayed because you left my side when, to me, it most mattered. I couldn't believe that after facing bandits and dragons without even a weapon, that you would leave my side on the eve of the biggest battle I had ever fought. I know why now, but then I had no clue. If I had known about your magic I could have helped you, I could have used your skills."
"I tried to tell you so many times. I would be on the verge of blurting it out, but then something would happen and the chance was gone."
"I still don't know what I would have done." Arthur was still running his hands through Merlin's hair and Merlin was astonished at how soothing it was. "I like to think that I would have brooded for an hour or so and then told you to show me some tricks. One thing I do know…" Arthur dragged Merlin upright and made him sit back properly on the sofa, and Merlin magically summoned a packet of tissues so he could wipe away the snot. "I would never have harmed you and I wouldn't have sent you away. You drove me up the wall with your idiocy and clumsiness, your chatter and… what I thought of as your cowardice. I could never understand why you were so afraid of unknown things like… ghosts and magical beasts, and yet you would wander into a battle armed with nothing more than a chunk of wood."
"All those funny feelings were my magic warning me that something was about to happen. Bandits were about to attack or a griffin was about to appear… you would insist on heading off on ridiculous quests and I had to insist on coming with you. You thought that you would have to protect me, when I was intent on protecting you."
"Well I know that now!" Arthur grinned. "Just think though… you could have said that your magic was pinging and then knocked all the bad guys out with a word!"
"Morgana and I had a bit of thing for 'astrice' – it flings your opponent up against a wall. I dread to think how many walls I headbutted back in the day."
"Do you feel better?" Arthur asked.
Merlin nodded. "Yes, Arthur. I'm sorry…"
"No need to be sorry. That's why I chose this house."
"Thank you, Arthur. I… I really do need to work on it, but…" Merlin sat back on the purple sofa and thought about what he wanted to say. "I have a recurring nightmare where I see all the times you rejected me, all the times when I was alone, all the times you were wounded and I was unable to heal you. For fifteen hundred years I would have the nightmare and then wake up and you were… gone." Merlin tried hard to contain his pain. "And then I would have a dream where I went to the lake and you were there, and you told me that you were back, that you needed me and my magic… and… and I would feel euphoric… and then I would wake up and… you were not there. You were never there…"
Merlin sobbed when Arthur put his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I'm here, Merlin. I need you and your magic."
"Merlin? Arthur?"
They both looked up at Lance and Merlin threw himself at Lance, desperate for his strong arms to hold him, and Lance obliged happily. "I heard," Lance explained. "I wasn't sure…"
"He had a difficult night," Arthur explained, getting up and trying not to look relieved. "Look after him."
