Song One shot based on the song Breathe (2am). It's set in the early seasons. I'd recommend listening to the song while reading. Each paragraph is supposed to relate to the lyric above. Let me know if you have any other songs you want me to do!

2am and she calls me cause I'm still awake. 'Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season.

Christina was just stepping outside into the cold rain when her phone rang. She sighed, it had been a long shift at the hospital and she just wanted to get home. She looked down at the screen and her annoyance faded as she saw who was calling. "Mer? What's wrong? Why are you calling me at 2am?" There was no reply, just the sound of soft sobs coming through the phone. Christina sighed softly "I'm on my way".

Meredith curled into Christina as soon as she arrived, her wet face dampening her shirt almost immediately. She didn't know what she was thinking during the past three months. He wasn't right for her and she should've known. He was cold and they were too similar. A relationship with two people unable to share their feelings was doomed from the start. At least he didn't work at the hospital. She couldn't deal with having to avoid two people every day. Her tears started falling harder as her thoughts wandered to the real problem. Derek, with his dreamy smile and summery disposition. He was right for her and when she was with him she was finally home. With him, there was no way she could ever keep her feelings to herself. He had dragged her love out of her heart and replaced it with his. She didn't see it coming when he stole his love back and ran, leaving her with nothing.

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes. Like they have any right at all to criticize. Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason.

Meredith walked into the cafeteria with Christina at her side and felt her cheeks redden as everyone stopped to look at her. It had been months since Derek had chosen Addison over her but the whispers still hadn't stopped. "I'm actually not that hungry. Come find me later?" she whispered to Christina before turning back the way she came. She was in such a rush she slammed straight into Derek. She felt her eyes well up again and muttered a quick apology before hurrying away.

"Meredith, wait!" Derek shook his head as he watched her pick up speed at the sound of his voice. He was about to go after her when he felt a hand on his arm stopping him.

"Have you left Addison?" Christina asked, glaring at him. The look in his eyes was enough of an answer for her. "I didn't think so. Just leave her alone Derek. Haven't you done enough?". He just looked at her with downcast eyes. Christina rolled her eyes and looked around to see everyone silent, hoping to hear more details of the drama plaguing the hospital.

"What are you vultures looking at?" she snapped before turning to follow Meredith, completely forgetting her previous lunch plans.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe. Oh breathe, just breathe.

Meredith ran into the nearest supply closet and slammed the door shut. Hiding in the corner she slumped to the ground she waited for the tears to come but there were none left. So she sat there with hollowed eyes and an empty heart waiting for the gut-wrenching feeling to pass. She heard the door open and a familiar voice "Meredith are you in here?" But she said nothing knowing that she didn't need to, Christina would know she was there. Christina sat in front of her and pulled her in holding her tight. "How long will I feel like this?" Meredith asked, pulling back to look into Christina's eyes. Christina held her face "I don't know Mer. But I'll be here for all of it." The tears finally came as Christina rocked her gently. "I wish I could take it all back" Meredith mumbled.

"I know Mer, but all you can do now is live one day at a time. It'll get better." Christina told her.

"How do I do it? How do I keep living?" Meredith whispered.

"Just keep breathing Mer, just breathe."

May, he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss. 'Just a day' he said down to the flask in his fist. Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year.

Derek slammed the empty glass down on the bar after draining the contents quickly. Joe looked over "Might want to slow down a bit there. That's your fifth one in the past hour."

"Are you still gonna serve me?" Derek asked, his eyes flashing. Joe just sighed and began pouring another drink. He always knew the hospital gossip. Hell, he probably knew more than anyone else. But that didn't mean he enjoyed hearing about it. Especially not when it was about Derek and Meredith. He had watched them the very first night and even though he didn't know either of them yet, he knew they were going to be something great. But that was before Addison had shown up. He didn't know why Derek had picked her. He was obviously unhappy with the decision. He had been here every night for the past 6 months drowning his sorrows. Anyone would think that it was her that broke his heart.

He had only seen Meredith a handful of times since Derek had left her and he missed her. But he didn't blame her for staying away. He had seen the look in her eye when she came through the door and saw Derek and Addison sitting at the bar. She looked like her heart was breaking over and over. Little did she know if she had waited a few seconds before leaving she would've seen Derek roll his eyes and move away.

Joe sighed, wishing there was something he could do. Looking over at Derek he resisted the urge to give him a whack over the head for being so stupid.

Here in town, you can tell he's been down for a while. But my god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles. Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Meredith was sitting at the nurses' station pretending to update charts but her eyes were actually tracking Derek as walked down the corridor. For the first time in months, she actually looked at him instead of quickly turning away so he wouldn't see her. She was surprised at how much the look in his eyes reflected the one in hers. She scrunched her face up confused. He was supposed to be happy. He broke her heart so he could be happy. So why did his eyes look like he was empty inside? She watched him pause and take a deep breath outside a patient's room. He looked like he was bracing himself for something. Maybe he had bad news? No that's not right because he placed a smile on his face before entering the room.

Meredith's confusion deepened as she thought about it more. Maybe something had happened between him and Addison. Did Derek leave them both and break her heart for no reason? No, that wasn't right. She had seen them walking in together that morning and had quickly hidden in the staircase before they saw her. She mulled it over while still watching him when suddenly the patient's wife leapt up and hugged him. She finally saw his eyes light up in that familiar McDreamy way and was hit with the full force of his smile. It wasn't directed at her but it had the same effect it always did. Her knees got weak and her heart jumped. The feeling quickly left as he walked out of the room and his face returned to the emptiness she saw before.

He looked up and they locked eyes like they were in a movie. She felt time stop as his eyes lit up at the sight of her. The amount of love in his eyes caused everything else to wash away.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, boys. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe. Oh breathe, just breathe.

He started walking toward her and Meredith held her breath and fought the urge to run away. He stopped right in front of her, they stood there staring into each other's eyes for a few seconds. "Meredith… Can we talk?" he said while reaching for her hand. He was surprised when she didn't immediately pull away. She looked down at their hands intertwined. Her stomach was already fluttering, she was scared at how right it felt. She pushed the fear aside and took a deep breath. "Okay."

Derek let out a sigh of relief and lead her away into an empty patient room closing the door behind them. "Mer, I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go. Every second of every day I miss you. I feel like my heart has stopped beating and I'm a doctor and I know that isn't possible. But how else do you explain the ache in my chest every second of every day? I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could hit rewind and do it all differently. I want to love you Meredith. I do love you. You're the only person I've ever loved like this and I'm so stupid for not seeing that before. I know I don't deserve you and I don't deserve a second chance but if I never asked, I would hate myself even more than I already do. I'll do anything Meredith, anything at all if it means I could get you back."

Meredith felt tears well up in her eyes. He always knew exactly what to say to make her heart fly. But words meant nothing without action or without trust. She knew if she let him again and he left she wouldn't survive it. She was barely surviving now. "Derek, I love you, I never stopped loving you. But I'm scared, I'm terrified. My heart is screaming to believe you but my brain is screaming the opposite. How do you expect me to believe you after everything that's happened?"

Derek felt himself start to panic. He needed to convince her that he would be everything she needed but he couldn't get the words out. He started taking short rushed breaths and his heart rate rose. Meredith took his head in her hands. "Derek, you need to breathe, please breathe. I want to work this out, but we can't if you don't breathe."

'There's a light at each end of this tunnel' you shout. 'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out.' And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again. If you only try turning around.

At Meredith's words, Derek felt his heart slow. She said she wants to work it out. Does that mean there's still hope? He gently grabbed her arm to anchor himself. "You want to work this out?"

Meredith smiled softly "I need to trust you and you need to work on that. I'm not promising anything. Your actions need to show you want this. Make me believe you love me. You've got a part of my heart. But if you're not in this, I know in time I can grow it back. I want this Derek. I want you. But I don't need you."

Derek flinched slightly at her words. He knew without her he wouldn't survive. For him, there was only one option. He took her hands off his face and held them. "I meant it when I said I'd do whatever it takes. I want to start over completely. I want to do this right this time. I know I can't erase what I did. But I can ask you to take my hand and walk with me out of this dark tunnel we've dug. Will you do that? Will you walk with me to the light?"

Meredith saw the fire in his eyes and knew he meant it. "One step at a time?" She asked. Derek's face brightened and his dreamy smile took over. He leaned in for a kiss but she pulled away. He looked at her confused.

"We're doing it right this time Derek. I won't be with you when you're still with your wife. I won't start this again the same way. We can't do anything until your divorce is finalized. It isn't fair on me, and it isn't fair on Addison." Meredith said to him firmly. She may not have known when she first met him that he was married but she knew now and she wasn't that person.

Derek nodded guilt flashing across his face. "You're right. We're turning around and doing it right this time. No more mistakes. I'll call my lawyer and talk to Addison today." He let go of her hand. "But Meredith, the second I'm divorced I'll be on your doorstep. Flowers in one hand and my heart in the other."

2am and I'm still awake writing a song. If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me. Threatening the life it belongs to.

Addison felt herself unfreeze after watching Derek lead Meredith into that room. She knew what she had just seen. The look in his eyes was not one he had ever looked at her with. Not once during their eleven-year marriage. Had they been sneaking around behind her back? No, she didn't think so. Derek had been miserable for the last six months and whenever she caught him looking at Meredith it was with a look of pure heartbreak.

The last six months had been horrible. Derek only spoke to her when required at work and most nights he slept in an on-call room. She couldn't remember the last time he touched her. They had tried couples therapy, but he just sat there looking sullen. He didn't even love her enough to yell or get angry. The truth was that their marriage was over long before he left her in New York after finding her with Mark. She didn't know when it happened but one day she woke up and they were living separate lives.

She sighed and headed toward her office. She knew he was only with her in some misguided attempt to do the right thing. He didn't pick her over Meredith, he picked what he thought was the noble choice. It had nothing to do with love and it had nothing to do with her. It was time to finally let him go but she didn't have the guts to do it in person. She sat down at her desk and pulled out a pen and paper.

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd. Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to.

Derek stepped into his office and walked towards his desk and saw a letter sitting in the middle. He grabbed it and ripped it open. He read through quickly and sighed, running a hand through his hair. He had made a mess; he saw that now. In trying to do the right thing he had destroyed Meredith and Addison. Deep down he knew when she cheated on him with Mark it was just as much his fault as it was hers. Neither of them were happy but neither wanted to talk to the other about it. When he had walked in on them, after the anger had passed he had felt relieved. Relieved that she had finally given him a reason to leave.

He left the letter on his desk and went to find the author. He walked around the hospital, checking rooms as he went past them. He was walking over the bridge when he saw walking toward the exit. "Wait Addison!" He yelled out.

She looked up and saw him rush towards the stairs. She cursed the patient that had made her stay those extra five minutes. She could've been in the clear by now. She waited for him to catch up to her. "What is it Derek?" She said bracing herself for an argument.

Derek took a deep breath before replying "Addie, It wasn't just your fault. It was me just as much as it was you and I'm sorry. We never should have let things go on when neither of us were happy. Mark was there for you when I wasn't and that's okay. I forgive you."

Addison stood there a little dumbstruck. But then she leaned forward and hugged him. "I hope she makes you happy. I want you to be happy Derek."

Derek smiled "Thanks Addie. I want you to be happy as well. If you can find happiness with Mark then who am I to stand in the way of that."

They both pulled away and Addison squeezed his shoulder before turning to leave. Derek felt a weight lift off his shoulders as he watched her go. They could now both finally be happy.

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button now. Sing if you understand.

Addison drove to a hotel more nervous than she had been in a long time. She hadn't spoken to Mark since she had left New York. She had run and she used Derek as an excuse. Mark made her feel like Derek never could. She felt like she was the center of his world. When they were together the whole world stopped. It was what she had been looking for her whole life, what she thought Derek could give her. But Mark's reputation scared her. He had never had a relationship last longer than 2 months. That is if you don't count the three months they had spent together before she hightailed it out to Seattle. But she was done worrying about it. She had decided that even if they had 6 months together before it all fell apart, it would be worth it.

She checked herself in and made her way up to her room. She dumped her stuff down and grabbed her phone. Sitting on the bed she pulled up the number she hadn't used for six months. Pressing dial, her heart stopped waiting for him to pick up.

"Addison? I've been waiting for you to call. I've missed you so much." Mark's familiar voice rang through the phone.'

Addison let go of the breath she'd been holding and smiled. "I missed you too. I think I'm in love with you."

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