CHAPTER 5

Jeremy is sleeping in his chair by the fireplace when a noise wakes him early the next morning. Jumping from his chair, he looks at the bed and sees that Candy isn't there. "Candy?" he calls out. "Where are you?"

"Over here," she answers. "Jeremy, help me."

He hurries over and finds Candy on the floor. "What happened? What are you doing?"

"I need to take a bath."

"Now? Can't it wait til daylight?"

"No, I need it now. I feel so dirty. I need to wash him off of me. His touch. His smell. I need to get rid of his smell. Jeremy, please help me."

"I understand, Candy, but could you wait until Allyn gets here? She'll know what's best for you," he says trying to prolong her taking a bath. He knows he should tell her about the baby before she undresses because she'll wonder why she's wearing the pads. He doesn't want her to find out about the baby that way.

"Please Jeremy, I can't stand the smell. And. . ." she breaks down crying.

"All right, Candy. But first I need to talk to you. I'm going to put you back in bed so we can talk. Then if you still want a bath, I'll prepare your water." He helps her to her feet, then sweeps her up in his arms and lays her on the bed.

"Jeremy, what's wrong? Is it Molly and Christopher? Are they all right?" she asks with much concern.

Sitting down on the bed next to her he says, "They're fine. They're going to spend a few days with Biddie, just until you feel better. They made me promise to give you their love and they hope you feel better soon. Uh, Candy," he says as he takes her hands in his. He raises them to his lips and kisses her fingertips. "Candy, you know I love you, right?"

Candy nods her head. "I know you love me. I love you, too."

Jeremy gives her a slight smile. "I know you do. I'm so sorry, I wasn't here to protect you like I said I would. Please, forgive me." He wipes his eyes with his hand.

"I don't blame you. It's not your fault."

"Candy, Sweetheart, uh, I have something to tell you. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"Jeremy, just say it, please," she tells him while her eyes fill with tears.

"Well, Candy, with all that you just went through, I'm afraid it was too much for the baby and uh, I'm sorry to tell you, uh, the baby didn't make it. We lost our baby," Jeremy says as tears run down his face.

Candy sits speechless.

"Sweetheart, do you understand what I said?"

Candy whispers, "Yes, I under. . .stand. Our baby is. . .gone." She looks at Jeremy and sees how sad and disappointed he is. Disappointed in her for losing the baby. His baby. "Jeremy, I need to be alone right now. Do you mind?"

"Candy, I want to help you through this. I want to be here for you."

"I know you do. I want to be here for you too, but I need to be alone, just for a little while. Please."

"All right," he mumbles as he squeezes her hand. "I love you."

"I love you." She turns on her side as he walks out the door. And she cries. They both do.

Allyn lets herself in their house and finds Jeremy in the hall outside the bedroom, on his knees sobbing. "Jeremy, what happened? Is Candy all right?"

He stands and wipes his eyes on his shirt sleeve. "I had to tell her about the baby. She. . ."

"What are you doing out here? You should be in there with her."

"She told me to leave. That she wanted to be alone. I told her I wanted to be with her, to help her, but she didn't want me to. Allyn, what can I do to help her?"

"There's really nothing you can do except be here for her. There's nothing any of us can do. I wish there were. As for right now, she needs to grieve. You both do."

"Before I told her about the baby, she wanted to take a bath. She said she felt dirty and she needed to wash his touch and smell off of her. I don't know if she still wants a bath or not."

"Let me go in and check on her. You go heat some water," Allyn squeezes his arm gently before she goes inside.

Candy is in the tub scrubbing herself until her skin feels raw. Jeremy watches her before he asks, "Candy, do you want me to wash your back?"

She nods her head. "Yes, if you don't mind," she answers not looking at him because she is embarrassed by all the bruises on her body.

Jeremy kneels down beside the tub and takes the cloth from her, then gently washes her back. "I need you to scrub it, Jeremy. I want him gone from me."

Jeremy rubs harder, then he helps her wash her hair. When finished he dries her off and as he helps her into a clean nightgown, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. "Oh my God!" she whispers as her hands touch her face. "Jeremy?"

"It's all right, Candy. You're all right," he says as he wraps his arms around her. "They're just bruises. They will fade away. Your face will heal, I promise."

After getting her back in bed, he sits by her bedside and asks, "What can I do for you, Candy? Can I get you anything?"

"Can you bring our baby back? I want our baby, Jeremy."

Jeremy shakes his head and blinks back his tears. "No, I can't do that. I wish I could. Candy, I would give anything to be able to do that." He rubs her back. "What I really wish is that we could wake up and it would be yesterday morning all over again. I would stay here with you so none of this nightmare we've been through would happen. I'm sorry, Candy."

Candy turns over to face Jeremy. "I don't blame you, Jeremy." She touches his cheek. "We were happy yesterday morning, weren't we? I felt so alive and contented to be with you and knowing we had a baby on the way. Now, I feel nothing. I feel dead and empty," she cries.

Jeremy bends down and holds her as his tears fall. "I want to help you Candy, but I don't know what to do. I feel helpless."

A soft knock on the door interrupts them. Allyn enters carrying a large tray, taking it over to the small table by the window. "Breakfast is here. I'm sure both of you are starved and I will not take 'I don't want anything' as an answer. Jeremy, help Candy over here and I'll serve you like you're in one of those five star hotels we had back in San Francisco," she says with a small laugh.

Allyn tidies up the bed and washroom while they eat. Seeing that Candy has eaten only a little bit, she says, "Candy, you should really eat a little more. You need to keep your strength up."

"I know, but I can't. Not yet. Allyn, Jeremy said the bruising will go away. What about the biggest one on my side where he kept kicking me? I tried to protect the baby, but. . . My side hurts real bad."

Jeremy takes her hand and rubs it gently while Allyn answers, "Candy, I promise all the bruising will go away. I'm surprised you don't have any cracked ribs. I think they're just badly bruised. The more you move around, the sooner the soreness will lessen. I would wait until at least tomorrow before getting too active though. I want you to stay in bed today and let Jeremy wait on you. Then, if you feel a little stronger tomorrow, you can get up."

"I'll see that she follows your orders," Jeremy chuckles.

"Well, I better go see if I have any other patients this morning. I'll check back with you later today."

"Thank you, Allyn," Jeremy says. After she leaves, Jeremy asks, "Candy, are you going to eat anymore?"

"No, I'm just not hungry right now. Maybe later. Jeremy, will you help me back to the bed?"

Jeremy helps her to her feet, lifts her up in his arms, and carries her to the bed. "Thank you," she says. "Jeremy, I need. . ." she hesitates.

"What? What do you need?"

"I need to ask you a question. But I don't know if I'm ready for your answer."

"Candy, you know you can ask me anything. I'll always tell you the truth," he says as he sits by her side.

"I know. All right, why didn't you come to bed last night? Why did you sleep in the chair?"

Jeremy smiles real big, "That's it? That's what you wanted to ask me? Candy, you were finally sleeping so peacefully, I was afraid I'd disturb you if I got in bed. I wanted you to get some rest, that's all."

"So, it wasn't because you find me dirty or damaged or ugly? It wasn't because I disappointed you when I lost the baby?"

"Dirty? Damaged and ugly? Is that what you think? Candy those things never entered my mind. I still think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Nothing will ever change that."

"But I did disappoint you, didn't I, when, uh, I lost the baby? Jeremy, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," she cries.

Jeremy takes his boots off and lays down in bed beside her, wrapping her up in his strong arms. "Candy, losing the baby wasn't your fault. I know you did all you could do to protect the baby. He just did too much damage." He kisses her forehead. "If anyone should ask for forgiveness, it's me. I was the one that brought him here to Seattle in the first place. I should have run him out of town at the first sign of him lusting after you. He should have been arrested for kidnapping you, hurting Josh, and shooting me. But no, the great know it all Jeremy Bolt didn't do anything. There are so many things I should have done, but I didn't. I will never forgive myself for what I've put you and our baby through," he weeps.

Candy places her hands on each side of his face and turns it to where he is looking at her. "You listen to me, Jeremy Bolt. You did what you did because you are a good, kind, and gentle man. You always try to see the good in people. That is nothing to be ashamed about. I love you just the way you are. Please, don't ever change. And please, don't blame yourself. No one else blames you, especially me."

"I love you, Candy."

"I love you, too." They lay content to be in each others arms and take a short nap.