CHAPTER 12

A couple more days go by and Candy is so depressed. She has convinced herself that Jeremy leaving only meant one thing. He doesn't want her anymore. She is sitting down by the water below their house, twirling a stick. Drawing a heart in the dirt, she puts J.B. & C.B. in the middle of it. What am I doing? There is no J.B. & C.B. anymore. She takes the stick and stabs the heart over and over as she unleashes her tears.

Unbeknownst to Candy, Jeremy has ridden up to the house. He sits and watches her and when he sees her stabbing the ground, he rides quietly down to the water. "Hello," he says from atop his horse.

Candy stops and looks at him. She takes a corner of her skirt and wipes her tears away. "Hello," she replies. "How are you, Jeremy? You look well rested and happier than you've looked in a long time."

"I am. I feel a lot better. You don't look very happy or rested," he says as he glances at the ground in front of Candy. Seeing what she had been stabbing at, he gets down off the horse and sits beside her. "I guess you're pretty mad at me," he says as he nods at the messed up heart.

"No, not at you. Just me. Where have you been? And don't say up at the cabin, because I know you weren't there."

"How do you know that?"

Shaking her head she replies, "I didn't check up on you if that's what you think. Jason came by day before yesterday. He had some papers for you to sign. He thought you had come home since you weren't at the cabin when he went there. He said all your stuff was gone and the bed hadn't been slept in."

"Uh, well, I went to Tacoma."

"Oh, I see."

"You do? I haven't told you why I went to Tacoma."

"You don't need to. With you being so happy, I think I can guess."

"All right. Why do you think I went?" he asks.

She sighs. "To get away from me and for. . ."

"To get away from you? Why would you think that?"

"Well, you weren't exactly welcoming when I came to the cabin. It was like I was the last person you wanted to be with. And. . .and you didn't want me to stay with you," she says as she blinks back the tears.

"I'm sorry, Candy. It's just that I really needed that time to do some serious thinking about. . ."

"About us, you mean?"

"Well yeah, about us. And other things too."

"Other things? Well, at least she made you happy. That's something I couldn't do." She bites on the inside of her lip.

Jeremy looks at her with surprise. "She?"

"Yes, she. You know, the other thing."

"Candy! What are you saying? You think I went to Tacoma and. . . and. . .to be with a woman?"

"I don't blame you. I haven't been much of a wife to you lately. It's not your fault that your feelings for me have changed. What man would want his wife after she had been defiled like I was."

Jeremy takes her hand and squeezes it. "Candy, I can't believe what I'm hearing. I didn't go to Tacoma to be with a woman. If I wanted that, I would have turned to you. Only you," he says as he raises her hand to his lips and kisses her fingertips.

"But Jeremy, you haven't turned to me, either."

"I know I haven't, but it's not because of what Rafe did. Touching you and all. It's because I was afraid if we tried to, uh, you know, get intimate, it might give you memories of him attacking you. I didn't want you to go through that again. I hate what he did to you, but I still want you so badly."

"You do? So you don't think I'm dirty or damaged?"

"What?" he asks in complete surprise. "No. No, you are not dirty or damaged. I told you before I didn't think of you that way. I have never thought that. And if that's what you think of yourself, well, we'll just have to change your mind about that." He gives her the big smile she loves.

"Jeremy, if you didn't go to Tacoma to be with a woman for affection, then why did you go? And why stay away so long?"

"After you left the cabin, I sat and did some serious thinking. I had an idea, so I went to Tacoma to see a lawyer."

"A lawyer! Jeremy, why? I knew you were upset with me, but I never thought you'd actually want a divorce," Candy says as her tears finally fall.

He closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head. "Wow! Your imagination is running away with you."

Before he can say anything else Candy says, "All right, if you want a divorce, then you can have it. I won't try to change your mind. I just want you to be happy. Where's the paper and pen? I'll sign it."

Jeremy's eyes get wider. "Candy! Candy, stop thinking the worst about everything. I didn't go to Tacoma for a woman or a divorce."

"You didn't?"

"No, I didn't. I love you. I would never do either one of those things." He leans over and kisses her cheek. "I want you to sit here and listen. Don't talk! Just listen!"

"All right," she whispers.

"I went to see a lawyer to discuss what Rafe did to you, and what you did to him."

"Me killing him, you mean. Oh Jeremy, are they going to come arrest me now?"

"You're not listening, Mrs. Bolt."

"Sorry."

"To answer your question, no one is going to come arrest you. Now this lawyer I saw said this was like an open and shut case. Meaning that you had every right to defend yourself from being raped and to protect the baby. We went to see a judge, Judge Blakely, off the record so to speak. Judge Blakely agreed with the lawyer. But the best part is you'll never believe who walked in while we were talking. Judge Cody. You remember him, don't you?" Candy nods her head. "Well, I tell him everything that's happened and he, well, he insisted on coming back with me so he could talk to you."

"You mean he's here?" she asks turning her head to look towards the house.

"Well, not here at the house, but he's at Lottie's waiting for you."

"Now? He wants to see me now?"

"Yes, he does. Will you talk with him?"

"Will you come with me?" she asks almost shyly.

"I told you I'd be here to help you through this. So, if you want me to go with you, I'll be there by your side every step of the way."

"Well Jeremy," Judge Cody says, "its about time you finally made this pretty little lady your wife. How are you, Candy? Good seeing you again."

"Hello," Candy answers. "Good to see you, too."

"Jeremy has told me about what you've been going through. Let's the two of us go in the back room and have a little talk."

"Judge Cody, can Jeremy come with us, please?"

"Are you sure? It may be easier to talk if it's just you and me," Judge Cody replies.

"Yes, I'm sure."

Jeremy tells her, "Candy, maybe he's right. Maybe you should talk privately with him."

"No, Jeremy. I want you with me. I'm never leaving you out of things, again. Please, come with us."

Jeremy looks at the Judge. "Is it all right if I sit in on this?"

Judge Cody replies, "Fine by me. Shall we?"

After talking with the Judge for almost two hours, Candy and Jeremy go for a walk. They wind up at their favorite spot. Sitting on the boulder, Jeremy puts his arm around her as she leans her head against his shoulder. "What do you think about what Judge Cody told you? Does it make you feel better about this whole thing?" Jeremy asks.

"Yes, I think it does. I know I'll never forget what happened, but I think I'm finally ready to put this behind me and start living my life again."

"I'm so glad to hear that. And thank you for asking me to sit in on your talk, but you didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. I needed you there." After several seconds Candy asks, "Jeremy?"

"Yeah?"

"Jeremy, where does this leave us? Are you going to come back home to stay?"

Jeremy squeezes her shoulder and pulls her closer. "I want to Candy, but what do you want? Do you want me to come home?"

She raises her head and looks into Jeremy's beautiful blue eyes. "Oh yes Jeremy, I want you to come home. I want you to come home so very much."

"Well, it looks like I'm back home again," he grins. They wrap their arms around each other and their lips meet in a tender kiss. "Candy, when I left to go up to the cabin, I wasn't planning on leaving you forever. I just needed to be alone so I could think about how to help you, help us. If I gave you that impression, I'm sorry."

"Jeremy, I didn't know what to think. I know I hurt you, then you told me to leave, and when Jason said you were gone, well, I guess I did think you were leaving me for good. I love you."

"I love you, too." They sit quietly and enjoy the closeness they share. Finally, Jeremy asks, "Candy, what about the reward money Judge Cody spoke of? You have to let him know before he leaves tomorrow morning."

"I don't know, Jeremy. I don't feel right taking that money. What do you think I should do?"

"It's not up to me. That's your money. You could do a lot of things with it."

"But I wouldn't feel right spending it on myself. I guess I could put it in the bank and save it."

"That's right," Jeremy says. "Save it for a rainy day. Or, you could give a little of it to the church to buy that organ they so desperately need."

"That's a great idea. Turn something bad into something good. But would people think bad of me for taking the money? It's like blood money."

"Candy, it's like Judge Cody said, he said you earned that money for all the torment Rafe put you through. And for you taking him off the streets. I never imagined he was wanted for all those charges. Murder, robbery, rape, kidnapping, arson and not just one charge of each. There were multiple charges for each thing. Rafe was an evil man. He got what he deserved."

"I just wish I hadn't been the one to do it."

"I know. I do, too."

"Jeremy, let's go tell Judge Cody to put it in the bank for us. I will give the church some of it and we'll save the rest. We'll know it's there in case we ever need it for a rainy day."

That night as they lay in bed talking, Candy says, "Jeremy, I kind of like that idea Judge Cody told me about, you know about when someone is locked up in jail, I could be sure they have hot meals, clean clothes, and give them a Bible. Maybe I could talk to them about what they did wrong, too."

Jeremy burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" Candy asks.

"Candy, those men wouldn't know what hit them, if you started preaching to them about their wicked ways. They'd. . .they'd plead guilty just so you would shut up." He continues laughing.

"Thanks a lot, Jeremy." She doesn't laugh but has a hurt look on her face.

Jeremy immediately stops laughing. "I'm sorry, Candy. I didn't mean it. Forgive me?" He puts his hand under her chin and tilts her head up to where their lips meet, giving her a soft kiss.

Candy begins laughing. "Now, why are you laughing?" Jeremy asks.

"Jeremy, Seattle hardly ever locks up anyone. And when they do, it's usually you they lock up."

Jeremy joins in the laughter. "Well I'll have you know, it's been over six months since I've seen the inside of a jail cell. If I get thrown in jail again, I'll let you give me a good talking to." They continue to laugh.

Putting his arm around Candy and holding her close, he says, "It's so good to hear you laugh again. I've really missed it."

"Me too. It feels good to laugh." She runs her hand up and down slowly on Jeremy's chest. "Jeremy, are you sure you want to remain married to me? I will understand if you don't find me desirable anymore and you want a divorce. I. . ."

"Candy, I don't want to hear anything else about a divorce. I'm happy being married to you. I love you," he says as he kisses the top of her head.

"But Jeremy, what if I can never give you a baby. I know you want a son. Every man does. What if God won't let me make you a Daddy?"

"Candy, if God doesn't want us to be parents, then we'll survive. Having children with you would be a blessing, but I'll be happy if it winds up being just you and me."

"I don't want to deprive you of having children. I know we've talked about having a houseful of children and I want you to have them. It's not fair to you if I can't give them to you."

"Listen, if it turns out that we can't have children, and we're determined to have them, then we can always look into adoption."

"You would do that?"

"Of course, I would. There are lots of children needing a good home with two loving parents. And you would make the best Mama a child could ever want. Candy, I don't think we have to worry about having children though. I just know that we'll have our own children someday."

"I hope so Jeremy." She turns her head up and they kiss. "Jeremy, thank you for everything you've done for me. For going to Tacoma and especially for bringing Judge Cody here. Our talk really helped me. And thank you for always looking out for my best interest. But mostly for being here for me. For giving me time to come to terms with what happened. I promise from now on, I'll listen to you and talk things over with you before making a decision. I'll never leave you out of anything. Never again."

"That's fine, Candy. I'm not saying you have to take my advice every time. Just hear me out. Don't shut me out."

"All right, I promise." She places her hand on Jeremy's cheek. "Jeremy, I want to try being your wife in every way, if you're positive you want me."

"If I want you? Candy, I want you in every way possible. We can try and if you find out you're not ready to be with me yet, then we'll stop and wait until you are ready. Agreed?"

"Agreed. But Jeremy. . ."

"Now Mrs. Bolt, we're not going to have any buts. We're going to be positive about our future. We have a whole lifetime together and I'm not going to waste any of it by being negative. Are you with me?"

"Oh Jeremy, I am so with you." They wrap their arms around each other and hold tightly, giving each other the kiss of their lifetime.