Peter

Ned

Ned are you there

Ned I need help

NED!

###-###-####

Who's Ned?

Peter

Come on Ned this is serious

I got cut with the toaster!

Its, like, a couple inches deep.

And before you ask, yes I did measure it

But its spilling blood all over my toast! My butter is bloody now!

What do I do!

###-###-####

I'm not Ted

Your toast is not the top priority

HOW?!

Go to the hospital!

Peter

How am I sure your not Ned? ?

Oh! I know!

Whats your Favorite starwars movie?

###-###-####

I don't watch star wars

Peter

*la gasp* Your not Ned! ?

###-###-####

That's what I have been trying to tell you

Now get some help!

Peter

Oh yeah...I forgot about that.

But I cant go to the hospital Not-Ned!

"###-###-####" has been changed to "Not-Ned"

Not-Ned

Why not!

Peter

...reasons?

Not-Ned

Kid what?!

Okay . . . what do you have?

Peter

A needle and...dental floss?

Not-Ned

Okay, do what I tell you

Sterilize your needle with a flame or alcohol, then get the suture ready. With your fingers, pull the wound together. Locate the center of the cut, and insert the first suture by sticking the needle through the skin (.5 cm from the edge of the cut), out the wound, back through the wound on the other side and out the skin. What you'll have is a loop of thread, as if you just ran a shoelace through the bottom two eyelets of your shoe. Pull the skin together, and tie it off with a basic double knot. Clip the excess suture. Important: do not tie it too tight – secure it just enough so that the wound is sealed. If you go too tight, it'll kill the tissue.

Once your first suture is secured, work back toward the edge by placing a new suture halfway between the end of the cut and the closest stitch. Repeat until the wound is sealed.

Now here's where it gets tough. The reason why doctors don't want you to surf with stitches is that water will inevitably get in there, making it highly likely to open up again after the stitches come out. It also greatly increases the risk of infection. If you can resist temptation, keep the stitches in for the following: five days for a face gash, seven days for anything on the body and 10-14 days for a cut on the feet (for some reason, feet take forever to heal.)

Peter followed the unknown person's instructions, biting his lip so he wouldn't cry out.

Mrs. Goregon had thrown that toaster much harder than he had expected and he had gotten a deep gash along his arm from the handle, which was apparently a lot sharper than it let on.

After a very painful 'DIY' he leaned back onto the wall of the closet, exhausted. Peter planned on staying there until his *insert old phone here* began to beep repeatedly

Peter opened the messages

Not-Ned

Kid are you okay?

Kid?

KID

KID ARE YOU THERE
KID IF YOU DON'T ANSWER I DUCKING SWEAR …

*DUCKING

*DUCKING

*DUCKING

WHAT THE DUCK!

Thats it. I'm hacking your phone.

Peter

NO! DOn't do that

I'm fine

Not-Ned

KID! Are you alright?

Peter

Yeah i'm good. Thanks for the instructions

Wait ?…

What makes you think I'm a kid?

Not-Ned

Are you kidding?

Your obviously, like, 10 years old

Just by the way you talk

Peter

15 is NOT a 'KID'

Not-Ned

So your 15 then?

Peter

Wai- are you a KiDnApPeR?!

Not-Ned

What? Of course not!

Peter

Thats what a KIDNAPPER WOULD SAY! ?

"Not-Ned" Has been changed to "'Kidnapper'"

'Kidnapper'

IM NOT A KIDNAPPER

Peter

Are you sure you have never kidnapped anyone?

'Kidnapper'

I mean…

Peter

ヽ(O_O )ノ

'Kidnapper'

I'm not a kidnapper

Peter

Why do you expect me to believe that.

Thats what a kidnapper would say!

*panik*

'Kidnapper'

I solemnly swear that I am not a kidnapper

Peter

Do you swear on the river styx?

On your trough?

On your ancestors bones?

'Kidnapper'

...yes?

Peter

Great! Now it you break it you get…

A punishment worse than death

Disrespect cast onto your ancestors

And I get…

Your soul :)

'Kidnapper'

… *is now scared*