"Why the fuck did you do that?" Lexi had asked Cassie after saving her from the century's beating provided by Maddy.
Kat had pulled Maddy back while she helped Cassie lock herself in their bedroom, she sobbed uncontrollably and kept shouting she was sorry and calling Maddy's name.
Lexi had been late for the play's rehearsal that night, it was stupid she ended up going, but her mother insisted. She had finally told her about the play thanks to Fez, and thought her mother hadn't paid much attention, turns out she did and cared.
The play depended on her, so she forced herself to show up and give her best effort. She had meant to call Fez, but her phone's battery was almost out and she wanted to save it in case her mother called about Rue. She didn't.
Once rehearsal finished, she had taken her bike and began pedaling as fast as she could back home. A few blocks before, she received a call from Fez.
"Rue's lost her fucking mind" He sounded agitated "I didn't want to be calling you at rehearsal"
"You are with Rue? Her mother's been looking for her, hang on, let me call her"
"She's not here no more" he lowered his voice.
"You let her leave in that state? Fez, she looked like shit, she relapsed"
He cleared his throat "I know, had to kick her out"
"Kick her out?! She's a danger to herself, her mother said she ran out in the traffic and almost got killed. What do you think she's going to do now at night and without someone she knows?!" She began rising her voice.
"Didn't know she was running away" he began "I'll... I'll see if I can find her"
"If something happens to her..."
"Rue's not her fucking self" he tried to calm her down, how the fuck was he so sure?! "She knows where her home is, she'll go back"
"Yeah, I hope she fucking does, Fez" she said in frustration.
"Lexi, you don't know shit about relapses" again so calm.
"No, Fez" her blood boiled "it's you who doesn't know shit about me"
She hang up and pedaled the way back home, she ignored all his calls and texts.
Lexi burst out crying at home, she crawled into bed with her mother and Cassie, the three sobbed in silence, each of them lamenting over something different, but all wishing they could have done more.
Rue's mom had called early the next day to let them know that they had found her and that she was safe again and back in treatment. Lexi finally opened Fez's chat, a dozen of "sorry's" appeared on screen, she felt a wave of both embarrassment and sadness, she had overreacted, it wasn't his fault that Rue had relapsed or that she hadn't talked about her dad and his constant relapses.
U were right, Rue's fine and home now. I'm sorry. She typed.
Can we talk? He answered almost right away
I need some time. Cassie isn't feeling alright.
K take ur time. Im here.
Lexi wasn't lying, her sister was a mess, and she was legit scared of what would happen to her now.
"I'll be with you all day, okay?" Lexi assured her.
Cassie nodded and the two of them walked hand in hand inside school. Maddy had made sure that everyone knew what a "fucking backstabbing cunt" she was. No one talked directly to Cassie unless it was to call her names.
Lexi wanted to murder Nate Jacobs, even if he was part of the betrayal, he didn't receive any of the shit, fuck sexism and its double standards.
She walked Cassie to her locker and watched her back, Kat and Maddy were being loud and cheerful, both casually saying hurtful words meant at her sister, her blood boiled, Cassie had done something horrible, but the humiliation was becoming unbearable.
"I'm going to class" Lexi whispered to her and fixed one of her golden hair strands "you're gonna be okay?"
Her sister's eyes were watering up "I thought it would be better if I faced it now than later"
"Fuck everyone, okay?" She assured her "you did something wrong, but you're not a monster. I know you; I know the real you, and I love you"
She hugged her and smiled through the pain "I'm gonna be okay"
An hour into history she got a text from her mother saying that she had picked Cassie from school early.
Lexi intercepted Kat in the bathroom
"I know she did something horrible to Maddy, but don't you think she's already paid the price?"
Kat sighed "I'm not gonna be fucking Switzerland, Cassie is a shitty friend, but I'll try and talk with Maddy"
Lexi smiled and went on with her school day even if she could barely focus.
She could see Rue all alone in an alley having a seizure.
Cassie locking herself in the bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably, pulling her hair out just like she did when she was little and overwhelmed.
Fez looking somber saying she had hurt his feelings, and he could never feel love for someone like her.
Her father dead on a random parking lot.
Next thing she knew, she was back home after school, and had called out rehearsals that night. She pulled Cassie out of the bathroom and onto her bed, she held her until the two fell asleep.
When Lexi woke up her first instinct was to check on her sister, Cassie's eyes were puffy and red, but finally closed.
Lexi stood up and went to find her mother, she had fallen as sleep with a glass of wine.
If she didn't talk with anyone, she'd probably go insane, worst part is that she couldn't disassociate, in a way she was, but her mind kept on bombarding her with horrible images of people she knew and loved. Lexi just wanted to fix things with Fez, and if he wanted to end things with her… maybe Cassie was right, better now than later.
Fez insisted on seeing each other in person, she waited on the sidewalk of an old, abandoned house with a big tree, it was a block from hers and the tree would cover Fez's car so no one would recognize him. The last weeks had been about finally trying to live inside her skin, think about what she wanted and what was important for her. It had been stupid to think it would last, she was better off with her self-defense mechanism, perhaps it wasn't healthy, but it protected her from getting hurt.
"Focus on Cassie, Cassie, Cassie, Cassie…"" she muttered to herself.
Fez's car parked under the tree, and she watched him walk to her under the almost gone daylight, he looked worried and hesitant, noble, and beautiful.
"I was inexcusably cruel to you" she began "I know it wasn't your fault, I was just worried about Rue. I couldn't help her either"
"Don't be saying that" he spoke softly, and scratched the back of his head, she noticed a few scratches on his arms and jaw. "How you've been feeling? Your sister okay?"
"What happened to you?" her cold façade falling off, she reached out for his hand.
Fez held back for a few seconds before allowing her to inspect the scratches "It's nothing"
"Was that…?" she whispered, "was that Rue?"
Fez sighed "Wasn't her"
"Fez…"
"I ain't lying" He took a deep breath "Lexi, we both know Rue would never be attacking people and shit like that if she was sober, she wasn't herself yesterday."
"I know" she let go of his hand feeling overwhelmed "I just need a minute"
Lexi sat down under the tree, fear running through her body for no real reason, she hoped he would leave so no one could see her like that.
He sat next to her without saying a word. They watched the last rays of sunlight turn to a deep blue, and now complete darkness aside from the streetlights.
"I'm not upset about Rue" she finally spoke "I mean I am, but I think it triggered something else"
"Your old man?" He asked as if they hadn't been quiet for so long.
She couldn't talk about it, so she nodded instead.
"I'm sorry" he said and brushed her knee with his hand, as if he meant to touch her but stopped himself instead.
"He's probably dead" she sighed understanding the fear and letting herself brace it "last time I saw him… he looked just like Rue, stumbling into our house, rambling, and stealing"
"He say anything?"
"I pretended I didn't see him and went back to sleep" she snorted "I couldn't do anything then; I didn't do anything now"
"There's nothing you could done to help him, or Rue" he assured her.
"That's the worst part, I know"
Fez walked her back home; he had insisted that she took his sweater since the temperature had lowered. Lexi hadn't been cold at all but accepted it when she noticed it was his green sweater, the one he had worn the first time they met.
They stopped at her garage door.
"I guess this is goodbye Lexi Howard" Fez cleared his throat, his eyes on the floor "Wish your family ummm good health and all that shit, and umm your play, your play is gonna be the best fucking thing that shitty High School is ever gonna get. You'll have a fucking good life; I can feel it, I'm good at that shit."
She stared at him in horror "Are you…are you breaking up with me?"
"Breaking up?" He stared back at her with the same expression.
He never said anything about being together. Fuck. Now what? Not only was her heart broken and mind going in circles, but had she also embarrassed herself thinking they were a thing?
She felt tears streaming down her face like a dam that cracked after decades of no maintenance, Lexi covered her face. Just what she needed, crying in front of him.
"Wait, Lexi" he began, she felt his hands on her arms gently trying to comfort her.
"What?" she said trying to drown her cries but failing miserably.
"I thought you was the one breaking up with me" he told her
"What?!" That cut her tears "I literally just told you the biggest fucking secret of my life"
"And that's why I thought you… Lexi, you know what's my business, I've done that shit ever since I was a fucking kid, I know nothing else. You've had enough of that cursed shit in your life, it don't matter how I feel"
"How do you feel?" she asked in a whisper, of course she knew how bad his life choices were, but he was good.
"Lexi…" Fez tried to dissuade her.
"Please" she threw her arms around him, her tears stinging.
Just when she thought he would break the hug, he held her tight to him.
"Lexi" he whispered to her ear.
"Yes?"
"I'm fucking in love with you"
