Pairings: J.J./Spencer (F/M) one smack

Hotch/Emily (M/F) hand, 3x

Rossi/Reid (M/M) hairbrush, hand

*In collaboration with Elenalovly

[Loosely based on the television show Criminal Minds Season 2, Episode 6: The Boogeyman. Also, the quotes are from slightly different episodes to go along with the fanfic.]

Gideon: Mark Twain wrote "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

Mansion of Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi

Near Quantico, Virginia

"This place is absolutely beautiful," J.J. gasped as she looked around the open kitchen.

Derek agreed, "There's more fancy artwork in here than a museum. Damn, look at this furniture!"

Reid went up to a well-lit painting and reported that it was from the Italian Renaissance, probably 15th century.

Rossi grinned, "If you all behave, I'll show you the wine cellar later and give you all a free sample. We are actually going to be cooking with some vino. My late grandmother always said, 'If you no drink the wine, you no cook with the wine.'" He poured everyone a glass and started to do a small toasts to the assembled guests.

Emily nudged Reid and said, "Quit being a show off, that is a 16th century piece, you know I've actually lived in Italy. I had a boyfriend who worked at the Uffizi," Emily scolded.

"I bet you had a boyfriend in every square of Italy, Em," Spencer retorted.

Emily looked at him from the side, "Are you implying I am a slut?"

Spencer guffawed, "I'm not just implying..."

Emily huffed and elbowed him hard in the ribs. Spencer grunted and spilled half of his 2005 Château Lafleur Pomerol on the tile floor. Hotch walked over casually and growled, "That's a $2000 bottle of wine. You should probably try sipping it, instead of spilling it."

Emily blushed, "Sorry, sir. He called me a slut!"

Spencer exclaimed, "Hotch, I didn't. I mean, I was just joking. I would never..."

Hotch glared at his two agents. "Could one of you get a paper towel and clean this up, please? You best settle down before Dave warms up your behind hotter than the Bucatini all Amatriciana that we are making for dinner!"

"I really don't do spicy food. Can he use less red pepper flakes in my pasta?" Spencer whined.

"I'll get the paper towel and I'll behave. I don't need Rossi lighting up my bare butt anytime soon!" Emily quipped, as she excused herself.

"Reid, are you paying attention?" Aaron asked sternly.

"Yes, Hotch...But it was Emily who elbowed me!" Reid tried.

Hotch said, "Consider this your only warning, young man."

Rossi caught Aaron's eye and grinned. He raised his huge wooden spatula and called out, "I hope you all like risotto. These spatulas are perfect for them. I get them when I visit Italy...Isn't that right, Aaron?"

"Ah, yes, Dave. The risotto sounds delicious. Hope you are adding the mushrooms," Aaron responded, trying to play it off. His cheeks grew hot and J.J. gave him and then Dave a strange look. She knew, he thought. J.J. should become a profiler.

J.J. noticed Reid's stormy face and called him over. "Did you get in trouble? Spence, look at me."

Reid shrugged and sipped his wine slowly. "Did you know this is a $2000 wine?"

J.J. did not care about the wine and looked over at Garcia, who was bickering with Luke.

Garcia was glaring at the handsome vet, "Luke, so where is this beautiful girlfriend that you are always bragging about?"

"Girlfriend?," the good looking latino agent asked. "I don't have a girlfriend."

Penelope gave him an icy glare, "So you are also a liar in addition to being a pain in my ass?"

"A liar," Luke scoffed, "You ever meet my mother. She had a hard stare that would look into my soul and if I lied, I was a done with. I am incapable of lying."

Garcia scowled, "That is a damn lie. You go on and on about this Roxy and now we find out that you are crazy. Go figure."

Garcia went to turn away in disgust, but was stopped by Luke's raucous laughter.

"Oh my goodness, I'm dying. Stop me. CPR, someone!" Luke roared.

"I can't. Someone please shut him up or medicate him, please," Garcia begged the team around her.

"I'm going to go help Rossi," J.J. said to extricate herself.

"Roxy is MY DOG!" Luke howled, holding his stomach.

"Your...you have a dog?" Garcia clarified. She wanted to be mad, but she loved animals, too.

"She's a female Belgian Malinois. I adopted her so I would feel more, ah human, after the military. She's beautiful. You guys, should come over and see her at my apartment. You'd love her," Luke said, recovering from his outburst.

Spencer hopped up and down in excitement, "I would love to! Can we go now?"

Luke shook his head, "No, man, not now. It would be rude. But Rossi said we could check out his video games. He told me he has Rock Band, Gods of Combat, and Grand Theft Auto. I'm more into flight games and VR, but I'll play you."

Spencer was saddened, "But I don't know how to play!"

"Come on, I'll show you," Luke said as he ushered Spencer into the game room.

Emily came over to Garcia, "What'd I miss? Rossi was making me chop tomatoes."

Garcia shrugged, "I can't stand Luke, but it sounds like he has a great dog. A female Belgian Malinois. Poor thing!"

Derek joked, "Baby girl, be nice. I don't wanna have to spank you here."

Emily tapped him on the arm, "Stop. I would like to see that dog, though."

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. Rossi added less red pepper and Spencer ate his entire plate of plate.

Ozona, Texas

On Scene of murder

"Autopsy report indicates no signs of a struggle,"Spencer observed.

"Poor little guy never had a chance," Emily muttered in frustration, as she forced herself to look at the victim. It was never easy, but this case was hard.

"So far into these woods, no one could hear him scream," J.J. commented. She looked at the woods and shuddered. This was her greatest fear.

"Exactly how is killer wanted it," Derek noted grimly. His bottom has cooled off considerably after his recent paddling from Hotch. Ever now and then, he got a tingle in his behind that reminded him to behave. He could tell that Aaron was a little more irritated than usual and stiffer. He worried if his back was acting up.

"For the last two months, we've lost more children in this town we have in my whole lifetime," the heartbroken officer repeated.

Spencer snickered, "J.J. are the woods freaking you out now? You look like you are seeing the Boogyman!"

The officer glanced down at the victim and winced. They would have to make the notifications soon.

J.J. looked the officer, "I'm sorry, Officer. He's insensitive."

She grabbed Spencer's arm and pulled him a few steps away from the scene and hissed, "There is a dead child right in front of you. Joking around like that is totally inappropriate!"

Spencer frowned, "Don't be such a...wench, J.J.!"

"A wench?" J.J. demanded.

"I didn't want to say the other word, but you know what I mean," Spencer spewed out confidently.

"You want to call me a 'bitch'?" J.J. asked, her voice rising.

Spencer gave her a smart-assed look and shrugged. J.J. grabbed his arm and turned him to give him a hearty smack on the seat of his pants. Slap! Reid's hands immediately went to shield himself.

"Owww, J.J., you just just smacked me!" Spencer whined. "Hard!"

J.J. narrowed her eyes and hissed, "Behave or you are going to end up like Hotch did a couple of days ago, Spence!"

Spencer was incredulous, but he smirked. "The reason Hotch got spanked is probably because he was a huge brat. That's not my issue, so back the hell off!"

Hotch was speaking to two of the locals and everyone in law enforcement turned to look at him. His face grew as red as his bottom was from Rossi's large cooking spoon. Spencer bit his lip and cringed, he hadn't meant to shout that so loudly.

Rossi extracted himself from the crime scene investigation team and calmly walked over to Spencer and grabbed his arm. In front of everyone, he marched him to the black SUV and opened the door. He ordered Spencer into the passenger seat and then strapped him into the seat belt, like he was a small child.

Spencer was afraid to protest and only could look at J.J. for sympathy. He didn't get it, she turned her back and went to work. They had an unsub to catch and fast.

Emily, however, was watching. To Derek, she giggled, "Oh, he's gonna get it now. Yes, sir, he's in for a licking."

"Can I speak to you?" Hotch asked Emily with a serious face. Hotch steered Emily into the nearby woods and stepped ten feet in further in behind a large tree.

Before Emily could ask what he was doing, Hotch turned her and gave her three loud whacks on the bottom. Crack! Crack! Crack!

"Ah, Hotch! What was that for? I wasn't doing anything!" Emily yelled, rubbing at her stinging seat. Luke had been canvasing the area and Emily noticed him about 100 yards from them. He seemed to be watching. He probably had a listening device!

"That's the problem, young lady, you are supposed to be working! This unsub could strike again at anytime and kill another child. Now, get back there and be professional," Hotch demanded.

Emily sniffed and let out a low sob, "Sorry. It's just Reid gets on my last nerve."

Hotch softened and brought her in for a hug. "I know, Emily, but we are a family. We need to try to re-direct him to behave properly. Laughing at him and elbowing him, just causes him to think that kind of behavior is okay. It's not. He takes it too far."

"I know. I'm sorry," Emily said, pulling back. "Say, did you have to spank me so hard. Your hand is worse than my old nanny's la chancla."

Hotch laughed, "A flipflop? You got whacked with a shoe?"

"Kind of a sandal, but you wouldn't be laughing if you were over that woman's knee!" Emily professed. "I never did learn to keep my mouth shut...until she intervened."

"I think you turned out just fine." Hotch nodded, "I'm sure it's just as much fun as being over Rossi's...Reid will find that out."

"That bad, huh? I saw him brandishing that spatula around yesterday," Emily said as they walked back. "He really seems to like it. Wicked thing."

"The risotto was good, but that thing stings like a wasp. So behave," Aaron advised. "He apparently has a bunch he hands out. He gave Haley one."

"Your wife? I'm not going to go there." Emily agreed. "I think we are all going to be on our best behavior for the rest of the afternoon."

Country Road Hotel

Rossi had forgotten his key card in the other SUV but he was taking Spencer up to Emily and J.J.'s room. Rossi got that key card from the front desk as Spencer tried not to cry aloud. Rossi opened the room and instructed Spencer to go in and use the bathroom. Rossi called Emily and had a private conversation with her while Spencer was in the restroom.

Spencer came out crying, "I'm sorry, Rossi. It won't happen again."

"Did you use the bathroom?" Rossi prodded. "I don't want you having an accident or you will be the one in pampers."

"You heard that?" Spencer said. "Derek is always messing with me."

"Young man, you have been doing plenty of misbehaving yourself. Haven't you?" Rossi said firmly.

"It won't happen again. I swear," Spencer whined. His dad left them when he was young and Spencer's mom didn't believe in punishment. She always treated him like a little adult or like a friend. "I never got spanked before...or even punished."

Rossi sat down on the double bed, "Really? Even when you were a kid? Jeez, times really have changed."

"You said your upbringing wasn't that strict! The day we got...," Spencer started.

"...the day you were all snooping in my office and profiling me. I should have bent all of you over and walloped you right there in a row," Rossi laughed. "My family was great, but in those days, every boy got plenty of butt-warmings. Not abuse, just a good, hard spanking. And not just from our parents, neighbors, teachers, relatives all had permission to discipline us when we acted like fools, which was often. It stung and we learned a lesson and moved on with our day. And that's what I'm going to give you. Now, come over here so we can get this over with."

Spencer was terrified. "No, please. I don't want you to be mad at me, but I'm scared."

"I'm not mad, Spencer. You have needed this for a good, long time. I was tempted to paddle your behind when you were messing with Emily at my house, but Aaron talked me out of it," Rossi revealed.

"You saw that?" Spencer asked with raw emotion.

"I see everything, young man. Now come over here. If I have to get you, I'm not just going to use my hand," Rossi warned.

Spencer backed away, ready to bolt to the door. But Rossi noticed and got up and took something from Emily's suitcase. Curiosity rooted Spencer to the spot. "You know you are violating Emily's privacy..."

"I called and asked her if I could borrow her hairbrush, specially her paddle brush. She mentioned it is good for something called detangling," Rossi added, as he plucked the square bamboo brush out of her things. "Oh yes, this will do nicely."

Spencer's eyes grew wide and he began to sob louder. Rossi took two steps and grabbed his arm and pulled the slightly built boy to the bed. He carefully leaned Spencer over his knees as he sat back on the bed. Spencer was taller so Rossi adjusted him forward, he wanted him to feel this, but not be able to reach back. Spencer's hands were on the carpet and his legs were dangling in the air. Rossi clamped his arm over him so the young agent didn't take a header onto the hotel floor carpet.

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

Rossi cracked the brush down hard all over Spencer's clothed rump. Spencer shrieked and kicked violently as he was paddled with the brush.

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

Spencer choked out, "Oh my God, it hurts!"

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

"Your tush is mine, mister. You should have trusted me and come over when I first called you. I was going to dust off your trousers a little, but I now see you need a real blistering," Rossi informed the younger agent. Spencer was bicycling his legs and trying to get off Rossi's lap. Rossi increased the intensely of the spanking until Spencer was breathless and wailing. He gave him a minute to breath.

"These slacks are giving you too much protection," Rossi said. "Take down your pants." He stood up Reid and was surprised when the boy threw his hands back and tried to protect his sore bum.

Rossi smacked Spencer's thighs and said, "I said pants down. Do I need to take off my belt?"

Spencer was horrified by the thought of a whipping and forced himself to stop and undo his slacks. He pushed them down just right below his bottom, but felt Rossi pull them to his knees. He was leaned over Rossi's left knee, but this time his torso was now resting on the bed. Rossi patted the seat of Spencer's white, cotton briefs with the flat back of the brush lightly. He then threw his right leg over Spencer's to lock them in past. The kid was a squirmer.

"I'm scared," Spencer yelled. "Forget the dark, this is ten times worse!"

"You'll be fine. I know it hurts, but that will fade and you will be left a much better boy who thinks of this every time he is tempted to act up," Rossi remarked. "You are not just being a pest, your words have hurt people's feelings. You need to think before you speak, Spencer."

Rossi lifted the hairbrush and brought it down on the center of Spencer's rear with a crack. Pow!

"I'll be good," Spencer exclaimed. "Just s-stop...Owwwwww." Spencer tried to throw a hand back, but Dave's arm was blocking him. All he could do was take the licking and cry.

Pow!

Spencer screamed and then Rossi held a loud pounding on the door. He hollered, "Come in. It's open."

Pow!

The local cop walked in with his mouth open, "Sorry, sir. We had a complaint."

Pop! Pop! Pop!

"Apologies but this young man has been misbehaving and in need of a good fanny tanning," Rossi explained as he continued to whack Spencer's seat. "I'll be done in one minute with Dr. Reid here." Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

"Well, it looks like you're doing a good job, sir. Continue," The officer said, speaking into his radio that all was well. He had been on the crime scene and witnessed Spencer disrespecting the crime scene and that pretty blond lady.

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

Rossi smiled, "God, I love Texas. In L.A., I would have been arrested. I really hate L.A. Did you know that, Spencer?"

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

"Awwww," Spencer continued to blabber. "OWWWWWWWWW! Godddddd."

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

Rossi took a pause to peel down Spencer's briefs to check the color of his hind end. His buttocks were a uniform red color and getting shiny. Rossi replaced the fabric and gave Spencer one last hard smack with his hand. Pow!

Spencer lay limp and spent and just wept silently into his arms.

"Okay, Spencer. I'm going to sit you up," Rossi explained. He sat Spencer on his lap carefully with his bottom hanging in between his knees. He let Spencer cry into his monogramed shirt for a few minutes while he rubbed his back and muttered things like, "I have you." and "All forgiven."

"Are you ready to talk?" Rossi asked Spencer. Spencer nodded, but looked pitiful. Rossi directed him to stretch out on his stomach on the bed and went to get a wet washcloth. He came back and cleaned Spencer's face and then stretched beside him.

"We're going to have a discussion on what is good behavior and bad behavior. Then, we are going to talk about appropriate behavior at a crime scene...," Rossi started. "You can apologize to J.J. later and anyone else you were sassy to."

"Okay," Spencer agreed in a small voice. "I want to a-avoid any more spankings. My bum hurts so much."

By the end, Spencer was exhausted and Rossi took off his pants and let him nap in his briefs with a light blanket over him for 45 minutes. He had to get Spencer a drink of water and dim the blinds. Spencer tried to talk about the statistical probability of getting murdered in a hotel room. Rossi had to threaten to spank him again to get him to hush. Then, they had a killer to catch...the result was not what anyone expected.

Plane Ride back to Virginia

Reid lay on his side on the plane while they debriefed.

"I can't believe the unsub was a kid," Derek scoffed.

"Yeah, and that dad...a guidance counselor who couldn't save his own child," J.J. added.

Reid started to spout off a fact about guidance counselors but then groaned, "Wonder if I will ever sit again?"

Luke cracked up, "You really never got spanked? Your entire life..."

"No, my mother would just lecture me if I upset her or ignore me," Spencer admitted. "I guess that's how I got so annoying. Since I was an only child, I was mostly around other adults."

Emily frowned, "Hey Spencer, you're not annoying. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. It's just I never had any siblings either. I don't really do well in groups either. I guess I get nervous and blurt out things I shouldn't. I think we are alike in that way."

"Really?" Spencer said.

Emily went over to Spencer, "Move over. I'll rub your back."

"It's not my back that hurts," Spencer whined.

"I'm not rubbing your butt. Did Rossi use the cold cream in my bag?" Emily asked. "It helps."

"What cold cream?" Spencer asked. He briefly wondered how Emily knew about the cold cream. There was a lot he didn't know about his team.

Rossi grinned, "No cold cream. Don't undo my hard work. That goes for all of you. That sting will remind him to behave. Now, does anyone have any plans for tomorrow?"

Luke spoke up, "Actually, I was hoping you would all come over and meet my girl...Roxy!"

Everyone agreed to bring something. Luke told Hotch to bring Haley and Will.

Hotch made a face.

"What?" Luke inquired.

"It's just Jack really wants a dog. He saw one on t.v. and that's all he talks about," Hotch admitted.

"Every kid should have a pet," Rossi announced.

"You clean up after it," Hotch sassed.

"Watch it, youngster," Rossi said as he gave Aaron a hard look.

"Sorry, Dave," Hotch said with a brief smile.

Next Day

Luke's House

Hayley exclaimed, "Say 'FBI, open up!'" to get everyone to smile in the group picture of the team. They were in the small backyard of Luke's condo.

They yelled out in tandem, "FBI, open up!"

Gideon came by and Elle. They were included in the polaroid picture that Garcia promised to copy for everyone.

"Not on the company dime, I hope," Gideon joked.

"Never, sir," Garcia smiled, as she crossed her fingers behind her back.

Luke said, "I saw that" as he brought out Roxy on a leash.

"She almost looks like a German shepherd," Rossi noticed.

"Yeah, they can be a lot. She can't really be left alone for long periods but I found the best dog walker ever. Then, she goes to doggy daycare. It's like half my salary, but she is worth it," Luke shared, and then he started talking to Roxy, "Are you, girl? Yes, beautiful. Roxy is a good girl!" Aaron brought Will over to pet the dog and Luke showed him how to pet her. Aaron was always cautious around dogs and didn't trust them around his child, but Luke promised that he was an excellent dog trainer.

Eventually, the team went into the house so Rossi could open up the wines he brought. Gideon had brought steaks. Emily tried to make a cake, but it didn't work out so she hit a bakery on the way to Luke's. Everyone else brought sides and salads.

Luke gave everyone a quick tour and showed off Roxy's bedroom, full with a huge crate of toys, a deluxe doggy bed, and a closet of dog clothes.

"Spoiled," Garcia commented to Derek, "I like that."

"Baby girl, is there something you want to tell me? There is a thin line between love and hate," Derek noted.

"Oh, I still hate Luke, but I love the dog," Garcia said.

Derek just hugged her and laughed. "That dog bed looks more comfortable than my own bed."

Spencer had a great time playing with the dog and it was a perfect afternoon. He could still feel the sting of the brush on his sit spots so he made an effort to avoid sitting. Will Hotchner kept asking his parents for a puppy. Gideon and Rossi argued about Rossi's duck hunting, as Derek sang a karaoke version of Bruno Mars' "That's What I Like."

Luke even put a pillow on Spencer's chair at dinner.

He whispered, "It helps, big time. I know, man."

When Reid go up to use the restroom, Roxy snatched the pillow off the chair with her teeth and ran off. Everyone was feeling good on the wine from Rossi and just laughed.

Will was tired and had to rest in the bedroom, "Daddy, I want a dog, too."

"I know, buddy. We'll see," Aaron said, as he kissed his son.

Derek cracked up, "Poor kid doesn't know that means no yet."

Haley took a sip of the expensive wine, "I don't know. Aaron might be the boss at work, but at home, I'm the boss. A dog would be nice."

The group all cheered and hooted and Rossi offered to pay for the dog. Haley accepted and they all grinned mysteriously when Aaron came back.

"What'd I miss?" Aaron asked.

"Nothing at all, honey," Haley replied.