AN:/ If you want to keep the happy ending, don't read this chapter. (Let's call this alternate sad canon verse ending)
"I think I never got the chance to say it..." he whispered into her ear
She smiled into his neck "I know"
Fez woke up, well he didn't really, he had been disassociating... again.
Truth is he felt numb, he didn't remember the trial, being locked up, or why he was receiving a visitor, remembering was a luxury he couldn't afford to pay.
But he could see her.
It was like a fever dream, his imagination kept showing him good ass movie in which they were together, in which Ash-
Fez blinked.
"Hey" Faye called him patiently, her pale complexion looked better, she had stopped doing heavy drugs
He didn't answer.
He hadn't spoken in a while.
"Your friends..." Faye continued "Rue found me; she wants to see you. I told her everything, and umm that girl...the one you liked, she also wants to see you"
"No" he answered, his voice sounded so strange even to himself.
Faye sighed "I know, we already talked about this shit, but...she says she really needs to"
Hell she was doing there wasting her time with him?
He prepared himself to get up and leave.
"Okay, okay" Faye stopped "Fucking chill. She asked if she could write a letter"
XXXX
It hadn't been her first instinct to worry about Fez not answering her phone, or missing the play, perhaps he had felt they were starting to break their promise to take things slow. Maybe he was trying to put distance between them again, to protect her. It fucking hurt.
Lexi didn't want to pressure him but made sure to text him the next day and tell him how things had gone.
Nothing.
A day after her first text she finally began to panic and even called Ash.
Nothing.
She called Rue on the third day, she said she would check on his house since she was around the block. Lexi stopped herself from going too, he was probably fine, and going to his house when he hadn't answered seemed a bit too much...was it?
He's in constant danger.
No, she wouldn't think about that possibility. It just couldn't happen.
Cassie had come back home, not cause she wanted to, but because Nate had dumped her stupid ass. They weren't speaking, they avoided each other and ignored the other's presence. It was hard because Lexi wasn't going to apologize and give in this time, instead she had been spending more time with her mother.
She was now with her in the living room, trying to distract herself with random shit the TV played, she had begun to bite her nails.
Rue called.
Lexi almost dropped her phone trying to pick it up.
"Is everything okay?" Lexi asked.
Rue didn't answer right away "Lex..."
"What is it Rue?" Fuck. Please. Please. Please...god? God? Please.
Rue's voice broke "Fuck Lexi... he's not here, the whole place...Lexi...Fuck...there's yellow police straps? I don't... I don't know how they're called...there's...bullets and there's no door...they aren't here...Fuck, fuck, fuck"
She was pretty sure Rue had kept on rambling, and that she wasn't answering.
"Lexi" her mother turned to her, Rue's nervous cries could be heard from the phone's speakers "Is Rue okay, what happened?"
Lexi couldn't answer. Her mother ripped the phone from her hand.
"Rue? Rue? It's me, easy girl, what happened?" Suze asked from the phone.
Her mother was driving. She was on the copilot's seat.
Rue's bike was on the floor, her friend sat by the street hugging her knees.
"Stay here" her mother commanded.
Lexi opened the car's door.
She stood by the doorway, yellow police stripes CRIME SCENE.
Rue was right, there was no door.
Her finger entered a bullet hole, it was bigger than her index. Funny, she had never seen one before.
She got a sudden chill and turned to look behind her.
An old man wearing a simple white shirt was staring back at her, was he Fez's neighbor? She hadn't seen any of his neighbors before. Should she say something?
"Criminals" the man said as if that was enough explanation, he even smiled. His teeth were yellow, and his smile was crooked.
"Fuck you" she found herself saying "Fuck you" she repeated, her voice breaking, so strange and so not herself.
Her mother's hand suddenly guided her back to the car.
They had stopped in a parking lot. She was pretty sure Fez had brought her there and parked the car below the big tree.
Her mother was calling someone.
"What's his name?" Suze asked.
"Fezco, O'Neill" Rue answered, she was crying.
Lexi listened to her mother's voice, it sounded ominous, a distant echo. "I'm not trying to access his fucking record or any confidential shit. I just want to know if he's alive! He's a friend of the family and we can't fucking find him"
Yes, she was sure they had come to this parking lot and kissed.
"He's alive?! Good, yeah, thank you. It wasn't that fucking hard, was it?!" Her mother's voice pierced through the invisible vail that covered Lexi's ears.
Lexi's throat began to close, her head grew heavy, she opened the car's door and pulled her head out the vehicle. She threw up.
"Ask about his brother" Rue's voice called from the back of the car.
Lexi sat back on the seat clutching to the old leather...Ash hadn't answered either.
Suze hung up and sighed "The brother died"
Lexi pulled her head out once more and threw up. Her throat burned.
She heard Rue doing the same.
Lexi woke up, she was in her mother's bed. Her throat didn't burn anymore, but her stomach was a mess.
She had unfinished homework due for tomorrow.
The streetlight and tree outside casted a shadow on her mother's wall, the air flowing around the leaves made it look like a type of dance, she began timing the interval of seconds in which the air changed the course of direction.
Cassie and her mother were talking from the hallway.
"She wants to visit him?" Cassie let out "he's in jail for killing someone, mom. You can't just let her go"
"This is her choice, okay?" Her mother began "Lexi has never been in love. Let her reason this on her own"
Lexi closed her eyes. She could still see the tree's shadow dancing.
What the fuck was she supposed to reason?
She went back to sleep. She dreamed she had everything she wanted.
Rue had come to take her to school on Wednesday. They were late, but it was better than missing class for the third day.
The record, Howard. Gotta keep it clean.
Ethan let her copy his homework, not that she wasn't able do it on her own, she just couldn't do it.
"Fez didn't do it" Faye confessed to them, they met one day after school "but still wants to protect Ash"
Even if death had always been present in her life, killing had not, she could not even imagine anything leading to that, but she could imagine what it must have been for Fez to lose Ash.
"Can we see him?" Lexi found herself asking.
Faye shook her head "He doesn't wanna talk to nobody. Not even me, but I've been taking care of his grandma, so he's forced to see me from time to time... He's not himself anymore"
Can I see him? She texted Faye again, weeks later.
hi :( he's not ready Faye responded later that day.
Lexi's tears rolled onto her phone's screen. Fuck, she was in class.
It was a fucking bad idea going to the bathroom. The place she used to escape and text Fez had now become the place she used to hide and mourn.
She was angry at his grandma for forcing that shit life into him, she was angry at drugs for even existing, she was angry with the cops, she was angry with his friend for ratting them out, she was angry with Ash for letting anger consume him and fucking kill someone, she was angry with Fez for staying in that life and getting consequences he brought onto himself, she was angry with herself for ignoring that side of him, but she was especially angry that he was angry too and going through this alone.
Lexi could not help him, there was nothing she could do or say. She was hurt, yes, but even if she never got to be the same person she was, she still had her whole life ahead, but Fez... he loved Ash more than anything in this world, and she knew him well enough to know that without his brother...there was nothing.
Can I write him a letter? She texted Faye one more time.
XXXX
It had been two months since her letter had arrived. He hadn't opened it.
"You thought about what they said?" Faye asked through the glass.
"Fuckem" he answered.
She took a deep breath "Laurie's been fucking hunting everyone around. Everyone is scared shitless and won't rat her out, but you could do something... I know they offered you a deal"
He wasn't going to fucking cooperate with the pigs that killed Ash.
"You got nothing else to say?" He asked her.
"You're fucking dumb" Faye shrugged "Wait, I do. Lexi asks if you've read the letter"
"Tell her I don't wanna have nothing to do with her" His voice broke at the end.
"I'm not gonna fucking lie" Faye exclaimed "just fucking read the letter. Not for you, dumbass, for her."
He finally opened it that evening.
He wasn't sure he had seen her handwriting before, funny it looked exactly how he imagined it would. Round but not too pretty, polished but done in a hurry, probably cause her mind worked nonstop.
It was strange remembering his time with Lexi, it was one of those things that happened in life where nothing made sense but still worked out, like God's fan service. Why had she ever wanted to talk to him? To like him? To be in love with him?
He was grateful though, even if it had been a short time. He knew he was gonna be hanging for the rest of his life onto those days of hanging out with her and Ash, when he felt like a normal guy with his normal family.
He took a deep breath.
I wrote something for you.
Grace had been alone most of her life. She never questioned it, she didn't blame anyone for it. She had accepted her fate.
One night she met Rex, he made her feel seen, he made her feel safe, he made her feel wanted, he made her feel loved.
Rex didn't think he could offer much to her, but he was wrong, because he was all Grace had ever hoped for.
He never knew Grace dreamed of their gentle touches, honest smiles, and comforting silences.
He never knew he had shown her the confidence she always lacked, the courage she kept down, the happiness she had given up finding.
He never knew she was in awe with his existence, his beauty, his eloquence, his humor, his loyalty, his love. All those moments she'll be forever grateful and keep for the rest of her life.
Grace had hoped she could return all the good he had done to her, but she can't, she doesn't know how.
Rex lost his brother, and Grace feels like she did too. It's selfish for her to think there's comfort she could bring. There isn't.
All Grace can do is pray, she's never done it before, she doesn't really get it, but Rex does. She doesn't pray for herself, she prays that Rex will be able to forgive himself one day, because she knows he's being unfair, she knows he's at war with his own reflection, and that is not something his brother would want for him. Rex's brother would smack his head and tell him to fucking take care of himself cause no one else is going to.
His brother is gone, but Grace wants Rex to know he's not alone and will never be.
All her plans seem meaningless now, all his plans shattered and disappeared, but she hopes they can find beauty in living an unscripted life.
A life in which she hopes she'll be able to keep him in, because no matter what may happen, he's always going to be in her heart.
He's always going to be the man that showed and taught her what gentle love was, for her own self, and between them.
Your Grace,
Lexi.
