Suck It- basically Chuuya & Dazai's entire relationship status and now the pun is intended thanks to the addition of vampires. Yaaaaay.
Nikolai x Fyodor :
Sigma X His Sanity.
These are my three ships.
And yes, they're all sinking :'D
This is just turning more gay the longer I write it… :'D
Basically, I hate the short chapter updates that are piddly at best coming out lately for BSD. :D I need my Chuuya baby content, my Sigma fix, and my crazy clown honking :D And Fyodor and Dazai exist too I guess LMAO. MY OWN FICTIONAL TAKE ON HOW THE UPCOMING CHAPTER WITH THESE CHUCKLEHEADS SHOULD GO. w UwU; Yes…totally should be canon…hahahahaha.
OH YAH. THIS IS SPOILER HEAVY :) WITH A HOT PIPING SIDE SERVING OF HELLA GAY ~ UwU~
GIVE SIGGY A COOKIE. THE POOR BOY DESERVES IT :'D
A VERY FICTIONAL CHAPTER 10?#
So, Sigma knew that if there was a Hell to go to when one was dead, he'd rather be there than in the middle of this terribly stressful game he was roped into. Nikolai was somewhere on the upper level already. Sigma had no doubt. After all, they couldn't have even gotten to Dazai and Fyodor if it weren't for Nikolai's ability.
The scary fact that someone like Nikolai the clown could waltz into such a high-tech secure prison that was meant to keep ability users from getting out or in with ease was already terrifying in itself.
Now finding himself with Dazai and the declaration that they were up against a gravity manipulation specialist responsible for the blood and carnage before them- and Fyodor on top of that-did not make Sigma feel any better about their chances to win.
At least Dazai had given up on trying to go to the cafeteria or whatever. Then again, all these dead bodies really killed one's own appetite. Sigma grimaced, looking at Dazai.
"We still have three more levels to clear, and on top of that, it's not like we can use the weapons here since they're biometric triggered. Additionally, because of how these gates work in the halls, if we get the passcodes incorrect, Isotropic water will fill up the space and we'll end up drowning. You didn't take any other items that Nikolai offered, and we still have to find a way to get past the elevator security and if we even survive that far we have to deal with the reinforcements that are no doubt going to come after all this and oh my god, we are so dead," Sigma wheezed.
Dazai gazed at the pale-as-a-phantom young man next to him. It was like having Atsushi in the room. He was bemused. This moody guy was helping distract Dazai for just a moment. Now that he knew who Fyodor's pawn was, Dazai's blood was only simmering a little under his pleasant facade of composure.
"We're not dead until we stop breathing, and technically, some brains can last about five minutes after the heart stops," Dazai remarked, humorously.
Sigma's jaw dropped with a little message on his tongue: 'You're incorrigible'!
Dazai looked around. Teasing the two-toned haired man aside, Dazai tilted his head, looking around the floor they were on. It was clear that they were ahead of Fyodor. Dazai knew it was only a matter of time before Fyodor did move.
However, Sigma did bring up a good point.
They were both positively fucked.
There really was no sugar-coating it.
Dazai began to snicker.
Sigma was very concerned. For himself. He couldn't honestly tell if bothering with someone like Dazai was even worth it at this point. So far it felt like he was walking himself into a body bag working with this guy. Hell, he wouldn't put it past this guy to put him into a body bag.
Sigma huffed with irritation. "Dammit," he gazed at the guards who were lying, all sprawled, mostly out for the count. "We need a way to access the codes to those gates, first and foremost."
Sigma's eyes flickered.
Dazai grinned at Sigma. Sigma gave him a tired look. "See? Told you I chose the right tool for this job," he teased Sigma, pointing at him.
Sigma huffed. "Don't flatter yourself, you can't fool me. We're totally winging this, aren't we?" he deadpanned to Dazai.
Dazai snickered. "You know, sometimes it's fun to just go~with~the~flow," he said brightly, waving his arms like they were jelly.
Sigma wanted to hit him with something. His eyes fell upon one of the discarded weapons. If only it wouldn't activate the alarms. It would have made a nice dent in that person's head, he thought to himself with almond shaped eyes of depression.
Sigma huffed. Time was precious for Dazai's life as it was. Not that Sigma wanted to care. He hardly knew the crazy guy. Sigma hated that Dazai was so damn relaxed about that fact, even with the reveal of Fyodor's pawn being a major wrench in their plans.
Kneeling near some of the guards, Sigma began to gingerly feel the bodies for any clues, or anything that could help them. Dazai observed him. "You could help, or something," Sigma grumbled.
"Oh? So you want to work together after all?" Dazai asked, humorously.
Sigma made a face. "It's not ideal, but I don't plan to lose to Dostoevsky." he continued to look in one of the corpse's clothes, pulling out an I.D. badge. His eyes flickered. Life was so fleeting and fragile. So easily wasted for a pointless cause. He sighed. "Besides, if I'm going to die, I'd rather it not be with you." his blunt disdain was apparent and unmasked.
Dazai felt his heart skip a beat.
"Hm, that sentiment is mutual," Dazai hummed bemusedly, as he knelt near another body, also feeling it up. "You're not my type anyways. I prefer a beautiful woman."
"Lucky me," Sigma deadpanned, inwardly secretly grateful that he wasn't a woman.
Oh lord, he realized things could have possibly been made hella more awkward if he had been. He hated his creator but he thanked them inwardly for not making him a woman that would have potentially caught the fancy of this nutbar.
"Ah, I got something, think we can use it?" Sigma frowned, holding up the I.D. badge he gingerly removed from the dead man's body, straightening up now. It had some blood smeared on it. The stench of blood was thick and Sigma honestly felt sick.
"Probably, hold onto it," Dazai said, chipper.
His expression was queasy. Yet, he watched as Dazai sparkled, bouncing around bodies like he was a child collecting Easter Eggs, and you know, not looting dead bodies. This man is not alright, was all Sigma could think.
Sigma sighed, and looked around some more. These guards had died painfully and violently. His eyes flickered. He found a few with their eyes still wide open. Sigma wordlessly put his hand over those faces, allowing them the dignity to at least rest with some dignity.
Dazai made no comment but he observed this quietly.
He smiled finally, "So I do have to wonder, what's your role in Fyodor's little troupe anyways?"
Sigma's eyes flickered.
"My role? I was a pawn. And when he had no use for me, he discarded me," Sigma deadpanned, his tone melancholy. "Ah… but according to the nutty clown, you work with the ADA…is that true?"
Dazai hummed. "I do," he said thoughtfully, gazing at this young man who straightened up, not looking at him but at his hands which held a few I.D. tags and what appeared to be a dispatch radio.
"I know it's kind of pointless but I'm sorry," Sigma said quietly.
Dazai paused.
He looked at Sigma with genuine puzzlement. "Huh?"
Sigma sighed. "I… was supposed to die, no I technically… was supposed to die only once but as things would have it, I almost died twice within very close proximity to each other," he mumbled, furrowing his brow in irritation.
Dazai pursed his lips. "That's some uh…interesting knack for courting Death you got there, you should teach me your secret sometime," he teased.
"The first time, since I failed to protect the Casino I was placed in charge of… I was attacked by an assassin sent by Dostoevsky," Sigma said, going over now to a series of doors which he assumed would lead them towards an elevator. The only way up would be by elevator after all. He didn't actually know how far they'd make it realistically but well, when in doubt, give it your best shot and at least die trying. Or something. He didn't know why he was telling Dazai all this. Maybe it was because Dazai was the only connection to someone that Sigma honestly wished he could see again.
If one of them made it out of here alive, Sigma honestly had a feeling it wouldn't be him.
He didn't know if he was quite at peace with that thought, but he felt like he should give this frustrating guy some context for why he was apologizing to him. "The truth is, I should have died but as I was falling, a boy saved me."
Dazai's eyes widened slightly. "A boy, you say?" he asked, curious.
"Yes, his name was Atsushi," Sigma recounted. "He had no reason to care. I was the enemy. I was defeated. He shouldn't have but he did. He tried to save me." Sigma trailed off. His expression was mixed for the first time. "If I don't make it out of here alive, I just…wanted to apologize to you in his place…for hurting the ADA. I know I was on the enemy side but following those orders is no excuse for what that boy and the rest of the ADA are no doubt going through because of Dostoevsky's plans."
Sigma as well still had his own goal. Figure out Dostoevsky's ability so that he could have an advantage. He needed to fight for his own purpose. In a weird way, Gogol had given him a second chance.
Sigma smiled wryly at the I.D. cards in his hands. These were all people who had lives. They had identities. Families. Friends. Even a place to call home, possibly. Everything foreign to Sigma who was created from nothing. But he had met that person in this world. "Maybe in a better world…No, there's no use bothering with thoughts like that now. There is no such thing as a 'better world'. There's just this one and we have to make the best of it." Sigma sighed but when he raised his head to figure out why Dazai was not being loud and obnoxious, he found Dazai staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.
It was contemplative.
Serious.
"You're right. There is no such thing as a 'better world.' I think that's not a bad way of thinking though." Dazai walked over and he put an arm around Sigma's shoulder. Sigma felt a distinct urge to shudder course through his very veins, spine, and nerves making his arms tingle. "If given the chance to choose between which side you would rather be on, which side would you choose?" he beamed at Sigma, jovial.
"Which side would I choose?" Sigma furrowed his brow. But he could sense Dazai was asking a serious question, despite his outwardly boyish decorum. It was odd, considering Dazai was so damn weird and obnoxious a second ago. It felt like whiplash. Sigma was low-key, more put off by serious Dazai than his goofy self. This side felt like it would eat him alive. He couldn't explain why though. But he looked at the bodies. He thought about his own life. He thought about that boy's determination and genuine concern. Sigma wasn't a person easily moved. He wasn't great at expressing himself either. He was used to being used by others.
He himself planned to defeat Dostoevsky after all and win himself a place to belong to call his own. He was willing to pay any price for that…wasn't he? Sigma's heart clenched.
But that boy had made an impression on him, just a little. In a world where Sigma had thought he was content to be alone, he found he didn't want that fate for that boy at least. Maybe he could find something to fight for besides just himself and his own neck, after all. Something that would actually make his own existence mean something. "I guess, the side that makes the world a little less ugly?" he answered quietly, and almost like he wasn't sure himself what he was saying. It felt like a foreign concept rolling off his tongue and showed on his face just as much.
Dazai plucked the card keys out of Sigma's hand along with the small radio he'd picked up. "We can't experience the world from within these walls, so, let's get going!" he said cheerfully.
Sigma stared after the bouncy brunette. What just happened? His face comically expressed if he had just had some awkward bonding moment. He shuddered at the disturbing thought. Rubbing his arms like he just touched something gross, he trailed behind Dazai, perturbed.
"You are so weird," Sigma griped.
Dazai blinked.
Then he just giggled. "Oh ~contraire~, I'd say you're the weirdest one here," he said with a grin.
Sigma's eye twitched. He disagreed whole-heartedly. "No, there's definitely not anyone on this planet as weird as you…even Gogol is tame by comparison," Sigma shuddered at the thought of what he was saying.
He trailed off, as he saw Dazai start to struggle with moving one of the bodies. Sigma was going to make a remark about Dazai being insensitive but then he realized what Dazai was doing. Dazai was actually moving the bodies respectively out of the way so they wouldn't be unnecessarily stepped on.
Sigma quieted.
This man was running out of time for himself to live, so why was he wasting it helping people he didn't even know who weren't even alive anymore?
Sigma was finding this person even more of a cosmic enigmatic burrito than before. But then he remembered that this person was also a part of the same ADA that boy came from. Sigma wordlessly began to help.
After this, it became clear the halls they walked down, the gates were wide open. "This is…" Sigma's eyes widened with horror. There were more bodies strewn around even at the end of the hall where the elevator was. The elevator itself looked hilariously beat up. Clearly someone had already gotten to it. Which only meant one thing for Sigma. "Damn… it must have been that ability user Dostoevsky got on his side…" he deduced, gazing at the damage to the elevator. It still worked, supposedly. But it definitely looked like it had seen better days.
Standing before it, Sigma honestly wondered just how Dazai planned to get the elevator to work. Even if they got on it, it wouldn't start without any help.
Dazai patted Sigma's shoulder, good naturedly.
Sigma jumped aside like a startled cat in sidewinder mode. "!?" He was already tense as it were and he didn't need Dazai sneaking up on him!
Sigma noted Dazai's current state. His clothes were only getting dirty now. Honestly, Dazai looked more like a deranged escaped sociopathic murderer from an insane aslyum. It wasn't that far off the mark to begin with.
Sigma grimaced.
He couldn't stand dirty clothes.
With a huff he groaned and finally took off his own large robe covering his turtleneck top. It wasn't a perfect solution but it would have to do. "Put this on, or you really will be mistaken for a blood-thirsty escaped convict," Sigma deadpanned.
Dazai blinked. "Eh?" he asked, innocently. Sigma honestly couldn't understand how someone with a baby face that screamed 'innocent' like Dazai, could actually be so incredibly much worse ha. Haha. That baby face couldn't hide his terrible personality from Sigma. Sigma took shit from no one. Lol.
Sigma just stared at the elevator. "But how the hell do you plan to get it to move without prior approval from the guards? They'll take one look at you and won't let us pass…not to mention, it's looking pretty busted…" Sigma furrowed his brow. At this point, they wouldn't be able to get out without relying on Dostoevsky. Sigma hated Gogol but he actually inwardly wished Gogol was an option here. "Damn, if only we had Gogol on our side…" he muttered. "I hate to say it, but that annoying clown would actually have some use for once…"
Dazai hummed, comically squeezing into Sigma's robe. It was hilariously a bit small for him. Or rather, it fit but well, while it was long on Sigma, it only went above Dazai's ankles. This must be how short people feel getting dressed. Poor Chuuya, Dazai thought inwardly with a hum. Speaking of which.
Dazai just winked at Sigma.
Sigma's eye twitched. Did this bastard just wink at me?
Then, Dazai pursed his lips together. A shrill whistle sounded. Sigma nearly jumped out of his skin. "W-What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to alert the remaining guards?" Sigma stammered, his heart pounding.
"Mm, you could say that. Rather than a guard…he's more like…a guard dog," Dazai's lips curled into a maniacal twisted smirk of glee and anticipation.
Sigma's jaw hung open with sudden horror and realization. "Wait-no…" he whirled, his eyes widening as charging down the hall at them, at mach speed, was a pissed off vampire ginger.
Sigma felt faint, and he whirled, hiding behind Dazai comically.
"ARe YoU BatsHiT InSAnE!?" he yelled, not caring who heard at this point. If he was going to die, he was going to die apparently yelling at this chucklefuck.
Sigma was impressed that Chuuya's hat didn't fly off his head with the force in which he slammed into Dazai's sparkly outstretched arms. "Chuuya~" Dazai said with joyful glee.
Sigma yelped, just jumping the hell out of the way.
"Da…zaaaiiiiiiii!" The angry vampire chibi hissed, and began immediately trying to windmill his arms hilariously, to claw Dazai to bits.
Dazai just smiled at Sigma, holding Chuuya back comically with his hand placed on Chuuya's forehead. "Something Dostoevsky didn't take into account is the fact that because this guy hates my guts, this works ~entirely in our~ favor!"
Sigma would ask 'how the hell so?' but he found his soul was already having an out of body experience that was anywhere but here in this madness.
Fyodor himself casually walked over, and sighed, seeing Dazai already standing in the elevator with Sigma hovering near the entrance, hilariously indecisive of whether or not he wanted to be trapped inside the elevator with an insane man and his rabid pet vampire versus in the company of someone who just tried to murder him not too long ago. Sigma grit his teeth, and finally, though Chuuya terrified him, the thought of being too close to Fyodor was more terrifying. He quickly stepped into the elevator, tensed and close to Dazai.
Fyodor hummed. "Room for one more?" he asked, with a smile.
Dazai beamed back at him. "Of course!"
Sigma just looked ready to cry from confusion. They were supposed to be beating the competition, not inviting them along for the elevator ride!
Fyodor daintily stepped inside. "Going up?"
Dazai hummed. "Heh, Obvi~" he tittered like they were a couple of school girls. They certainly giggled like a couple… disturbing. So many levels. Not enough on the elevator to measure the depth of whatever deranged relationship these two lunatics shared, as far as Sigma was concerned.
Sigma yelped in alarm, flinching back, as vampire Chuuya punched Dazai just then in the stomach. Or rather he tried. Dazai caught the punch and beamed at Fyodor. Fyodor clicked his tongue, and Chuuya hissed, suddenly backing away from Dazai.
The elevator door dinged shut, and with it, any last dregs of hope that Sigma pretended to cling to.
Okay, he thought the game was crazy. He thought this situation was crazy. He honestly woke up this morning wishing he could go back to bed and now he knew why. But being stuck in an elevator with the man that was his former-boss turned failed-assassinator on his life, along with Chuuya who was clearly a powerful gravity ability wielder summoned apparently at the shrill whistle of Dazai, made Sigma wonder just what the ADA saw in someone as off his rocker as Dazai.
T-The Decay of Angels had weird people in it…b-but the ADA apparently has its own share of crazy…I'm realizing… Sigma thought, sweating profusely comically.
"Chuuya," Fyodor said with a smile in the direction of the growling vampire. Chuuya growled, and put his hands on the wall of the elevator.
Sigma's eyes widened with surprise, but Chuuya's ability activated, and the elevator began to rise on its own. Now Sigma was confused. Did Dazai calculate for Chuuya being the one to move the elevator the whole time?
And why was Fyodor helping them?
Wasn't this a competition?
Weren't they supposed to be thwarting each other?
Sigma was beyond confused at this point. He wondered if there was a point to praying this far into the thick of things. What Dazai said about angels in the ear made Sigma wish he had one himself.
The elevator rose, even if the guards tried to manually stop it, the force of Chuuya's ability was stronger than anything the guards could implement in time. The elevator reached the third floor. Somehow Sigma found himself still miraculously alive.
Dazai stepped out of the elevator, and bowed like a bellboy, allowing Chuuya and Fyodor to pass. Sigma was the last one out on account his legs departed spiritually from the lower half of his body already. He managed to get his jelly legs to work and got out of the elevator. It was clear that Chuuya had made work on this level as well. Actually, that's probably how he got down to the fourth level in the first place.
Chuuya growled, eyes fixated on Dazai. "Da…Da…" his gruff low exhale made it sound like the most haunting disturbing rendition of a 'dada' that Sigma had ever heard.
Sigma looked between Chuuya and Dazai. "Um…is he…your son?" he asked Dazai, genuinely confused.
Dazai looked comically like a man who had no idea how to answer that question. However that looks. Dazai looked it. "No, how old do you think I am?" his eyebrow twitched at Sigma. His hilariously gaunt features made Sigma worried the poison was working faster in his system than initially first thought, lmao.
Fyodor put a hand to his mouth, but it was clear he let out a small puff of laughter.
Dazai pouted.
Sigma coughed, looking away, and just pointed down the berated hall where the doors were bent open and bodies littered the floor like loose articles of clothing. "Elevator is this way, we need to move."
"What's the rush?" Fyodor beamed, smiling at Dazai with a manic look in his eye again.
Sigma just glared at Fyodor, irritated. "If you two don't hurry, you'll both die, remember!"
Fyodor and Dazai paused.
Fyodor gazed at Sigma. In all honesty, Sigma should be eager to let him die. Even if he didn't like Dazai, he was going to obviously choose to end Fyodor's life over the life of the person he was currently working with. That would be the rational option.
Dazai pat Sigma's shoulder with a grin. "Aw, look who's worried about little 'ol me!"
"Who said I was worried about you?" Sigma griped at Dazai, defensive.
"I was meaning to ask…was the wardrobe change, your idea?" Fyodor asked, quirking a brow at Dazai hilariously wearing Sigma's coat.
"Oh? This? It was entirely Siggy-kun's idea, here," Dazai beamed. "You don't mind if I start calling you Siggy-kun do you? We're just so close now? We're sharing clothes and everything!"
"Gah! I regret it, I definitely regret ever meeting you!" Sigma complained. "And don't get my coat too dirty!" he nagged Dazai like an angry hen.
"Ah, Chuuya, we should be going ourselves," Fyodor said conversationally, gesturing to Chuuya to follow him. Chuuya growled. He snarled. He hissed. But, his body began to follow Fyodor again, like a puppet on a string. Or a dog on an invisible leash.
Dazai stood, smiling.
"Leaving so soon?"
Just smiling.
But when he gazed next at Fyodor, it was with the eyes of a man determined to eliminate his opponent at any cost.
The lovely mini-author rant I like to post on my writing because I have nothing better to do hahahah:
A/N: So I have no idea what Kafka plans to do with Fyodor and Chuuya vs. Dazai and Sigma, but this is fucking Dazai we're talking about so I just got this hilarious 'what if' today out of nowhere and decided to write a conjecture alternative ending to this lovely dumpsterfire of an arc for Dazai :D
My problems 1: No fucking way he used his heart ryhythms to talk with Atsushi. Atsushi should have just admitted that god forbid he knows how his mentor thinks sometimes :'D maybe. Idk. But anything would have been more believable than the shit logic pulled.
My problems 2: No way Dazai and Fyodor just used the 'first' letter of every conversation ever exchanged between them to converse 'in secret tongues' because honestly lets face it, some of us would prefer to just imagine they spent more time sticking tongues in each other's mouths. *SHRUG
Less talk. More snog. I think that's agreeable. ? ゚マᄏ? ゚メᆭ? ゚リリ
My problems 3: Would it kill Kafka to have Dazai show SOME emotion when Chuuya is freaking turned? I get it. Dazai is a big fat hot shot 'I never show my emotions because i'm just fucking perfect like that I guess' but I prefer Dazai when I can see his actual expressions of stuff. You know? I don't know. The guy feels flat a lot of the time as a character to me personally. Like even in this fic, I have Dazai reflect a little bit on Chuuya though that ended up going towards part two more than anything. The first part is a lot of humor haha…
It doesn't help that Fyodor is about as rounded as a character as an ironing board is flat. I LOVE Fyodor's reason for wanting the book. And you know what? I would argue he's NOT ACTUALLY A COMPLETE VILLAIN. He's more like an anti-villain? :'D He's doing villainy things but in the end he just wants to rid the world of abilities because of some personal reason. You know if I had an ability that kills people on contact I'd probably wish I was normal too or something, you know? Just saying. ? ゚ᄂᄄ? ゚リナ?¬タヘ ️
My problem 4: If the ADA was tricked by the power of the page and Fyodor -HOW WOULD DAZAI KNOW IN ADVANCE? Seriously. In order for Fukichi to be unable to open that one order box thing, it would imply Dazai already knew well in advance-perhaps even PRIOR to the actual stage being set to frame the ADA to begin with. It would also explain why he's so damn calm and hanging out in jail with Fyodor. ?
Also, the ADA is supposed to be about saving lives…but they just want to KILL BRAM? I sure as hell hope that's just how Fukichi painted them to Jouno and not Ranpo's actual plan. It makes sense that against a terrorist like Fyodor that well, death may unfortuantely be the only way to beat the guy since no one apparently wants to talk it out lol, but with Bram, he's a baby. BRAM IS TOO PRECIOUS TO KILL OFF.?¬ンᄂ️?¬ンᄂ️?
My money is gonna bet that Dazai has Yosano just heal Bram and Bram becomes a friend of the ADA and Aya-chan's new best friend :'D Aya, forget about Kunikida. Just go with Bram when you're older. At least you don't have to wait for a long list of ideals…or avoiding the FBI knocking on Kunikida's door lmao. ? ゚リナ? ゚ᄂモ
I still have to wonder why the first objection from Kunikida had nothing to do with her age…but just the fact she didn't match all his ideals requirements. Kunikida, honey, she's a TEN YEAR OLD CHILD. Get your Glasses checked bud. Forget ideals. She's NOT EVEN LEGAL. ? ゚マᄏ? ゚ムマ? ゚ᄂᆱ
Ah, but yes, here. Some pleasant 'what if theorizing'... Because once a month baby chapter updates are annoying af :)))
