AN: I think this is number 4 of the fics I'm porting over from Ao3? I can't be bothered to count, but if you've seen it there (my penname is the same), it's the same fic just here too!

This is my first ever 5 + 1 because all the stills and promos coming out for 5B had me excited for the back half of the season, especially for Eddie's therapy era and the possibility for more Buddie parenting moments with Chris. And, because we've established that I'm in my prime fluff era this is just that with a smidge of angst.

For the record, there's probably going to be inaccuracies in reference to military processes and the fire academy processes. I also took some creative liberties with the timeline and Eddie's background, so that's why I'm considering it mostly canon compliant. Also, any Spanish you see here is from my rudimentary knowledge of the language, so correct me if its wrong! There's only so much Babbel and Duolingo can teach you lol


Loving You, Always

01

Growing up as the only boy in his family had come with a set of standards and expectations that his parents placed on him from a young age. His dad was the biggest culprit of this, believing his son should be the traditional manly man who would follow his dad's footsteps and eventually take over the daily operations of the real estate and construction business that was founded by him and his brother, Raul.

Raul had two daughters, neither of which expressed any interest in the real estate or constructions side, leaving Ramon to dub Eddie as the heir apparent despite his best efforts to avoid that future. Rosa was the eldest of all the grandkids, just a few months older than Adriana, and both girls were very academic and studious. Eddie never understood how they could spend so much time stressing and studying to get the perfect grades when he could just scan over the study guides and do just as well. Both girls would go off to school in Austin, studying biology for Rosa and psychology for Adriana.

The youngest of Raul's daughters was a year younger than Eddie, and Elena was the opposite of her sister in every way. Elena hated school and had no interest into getting into college beyond being able to keep playing softball. Eventually Elena would get her degree in education and when he talked to her over the Easter holidays she was on the coaching staff with the University of Oklahoma.

Then Sophia came along and his parents treated her like a miniature Adriana, pushing her into all the academic clubs and squashing her dreams of playing basketball. Unlike Sophia, Eddie was pushed into baseball and told not to bother with those silly after school clubs. He didn't need the extra curriculars for college because he was going to come work for his dad and his tio.

In reality Eddie loved watching the school scholar team at their meets, loved how much random knowledge they all had and how they could recall it with ease. Eddie loved science classes, was pretty okay with English and literature classes, and could practically teach the history classes if he wanted too (which honestly was more of a knock on the old teacher that taught the courses than Eddie's ability to teach or learn history).

Any time he expressed interest in going to those meets or working on the independent project that his science teacher offered him, his parents would scoff as if Eddie being smart was a foreign concept to them. He could count on one hand how many times his mom would say she was proud of his grades, despite celebrating every semester with a 4.0 that Adrianna brought home. His dad used to joke around job sites that it was a good thing his son was handsome as if that would carry him through life

When he enlisted and shipped out for basic training and AIT his parents still didn't understand why he was going to train to be a medic. They didn't understand how high he'd scored on the ASVAB and how he was given an additional signing bonus for the field.

Eddie was pretty sure part of that was because they were upset that he deviated from their prescribed plan, but he also knew they genuinely didn't believe that Eddie was capable of having a career or being more than a pretty face. They assumed that he was like Elena, more sports oriented as if that meant he couldn't be intelligent. Elena was just as smart as Adriana and Rosa, but like Eddie she didn't have the desire to try and prove her intelligence in a conventional sense.

(Both he and Elena learned early on that they'd never measure up for their parents, so they learned to lean on each other.)

By the time he'd gone through his training with the Army Eddie had grown used to people underestimating him. People saw a man with muscles and attractive features and wrote him off as a gym rat. It had stopped bothering him sometime after junior year of high school when he realized that people would assume what they wanted about him no matter how hard he tried to change their perceptions, so it was easier to keep his head down and keep his thoughts to himself.

Fast forward to meeting Shannon, the first person who really saw beyond the pretty face and didn't act surprised when Eddie threw out a quote from Macbeth on one of their first dates. They'd bonded over their mutual like for Jeopardy and Shannon shared her love for musicals with him every time he was home for leave. It was their perfect date night, staying in to catch the day's episode of Jeopardy and ending the night blindly picking the title of a musical from the one coffee mug Shannon had in her apartment.

(The same mug that lives in the back of his cabinet, only used for when he and Chris—and now Buck—couldn't decide on a movie. Just like with Shannon, Eddie would scribble titles onto scrap pieces of napkin and let Chris draw from the mug.)

When she was pregnant, Shannon used to say she hoped that Christopher would inherit even a fraction of their brains. She was so excited to watch him grow and learn and couldn't wait to teach him all the things she learned as a child.

(Eddie got to see a glimpse of it, on video calls and the first few nights when he was back stateside, with the way Shannon would sing nursery rhymes and read to Chris each night before bed. That was something Eddie had made sure to continue on after she left, knowing that even as a young child Chris loved the little routine and songs.)

But then that all changed when her mom got sick and his mom was overbearing, and then he came home with a slew of issues. Everything became broken and he struggled for a while before settling into LA for a new life. He'd flown through the academy, setting records and graduating at the top of his class and nearly causing a bidding war for his placement in LA.

It was another thing that his parents couldn't comprehend—how he could have passed all the classes that weren't physical or performance based. He remembered the confusion when they sat in the crowd at his graduation, listening to the instructor detail his accolades. Adriana and Sophia were beaming, cheering loudly while Sophia hoisted Chris into the air so his little shouts could be heard over the crowd.

His sisters were his saving grace, though they always were. They had each other's backs and were supportive of his move, so much so that Adriana threatened to drug him and have her husband drive him out to LA if he didn't get his ass in gear. They saw him for who he truly was, and he'd forever be thankful for their support during those three years where Shannon was gone.

The only other person outside of his sisters and Shannon that didn't give him a second glance when he tossed out the random bit of trivia was Buck.

Eddie knew the other man had a similar upbringing in that his parents didn't really support his education, and growing up Buck never knew learning beyond what was required in school was an option. He knew that Buck made up for that by doing his research binges and Eddie loved how excited the man would get when he got to share what he'd learned.

Eddie loved the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, loved the way his lips pulled into an impossibly big smile. It was special the way Buck could radiate pure sunshine when he got to teach someone something new.

Most importantly though, Eddie loved how Buck supported Chris with every new fixation his son had. Growing up Eddie would get an eye roll or a confused smile when he'd ask his parents if he could get books about dinosaurs or plants, or once when he asked about getting a book on the Civil War that wasn't written by a southerner. Eventually he learned to stop asking and to just steal Adriana's books when she wasn't looking, though he'd learn later that she'd learned to turn a blind eye for him to take what he needed.

It was important that Chris never have that same experience and to feel supported in whatever new thing he wanted to try. It was incredible that Eddie never had to explain that to Buck—the man would bend over backwards to make sure Chris had what he needed for every book report, or science project, or if Chris made a passing comment about wanting to watch a new documentary he's seen on Netflix.

In fact, half the time the firefighter was bringing new fixations to Eddie's kid instead of the reverse. Getting to see that exchange was incredible, always leaving him a little off kilter when he'd watch them get excited over something new.

Which was how he'd found himself in the middle of a gallery at the art museum in LA, standing back and watching as Buck crouched on the ground beside Christopher. Their heads were together while Buck pointed at the various photograph displays, no doubt giving Chris the oral history of Daguerrotypes and Tintypes, and how they were some of the earliest types of photography.

Eddie loved the way Buck shared the world with his son and how easily it came to him. He loved watching them interact and loved how even though Shannon wasn't here to see him learning and growing, that Chris was still doing exactly what she'd hoped and prayed for. Eddie loved seeing Chris' face light up with each new fact and how his eyes would grow wide when he'd know something that Buck didn't. The childlike wonder was probably his favorite of Christopher's expression (next to that annoyed nose scrunch that was completely Shannon), and he'd do anything to keep that one around.

He was just glad he had someone to help him along the way.

"…and that photo is probably as old as your dad," Buck stage whispered, completely aware that Eddie was within hearing range.

Eddie scoffed fondly, pushing forward to flick the man's ear. Beside him Chris was snickering, eyes wondering along the display of photographs.

"Did you know that the reason most photos from back then never had anyone smiling was because of how long it took to take the photos?" Eddie asked Chris as he knelt beside the boy.

"Really?" Chris asked, turning towards his dad with an eyebrow raised.

Eddie nodded, "Yep. Even though it originally took three to fifteen minutes for the exposure to work on a Daguerrotype, with some work the processes got improved to where it took less than a minute for the photos to be taken. I don't know about you, but a minute is long time to smile."

Chris hummed thoughtfully, "I guess so. I just figured it was because they didn't take care of their teeth back then."

"A little column A, a little column B, I think." Buck chimed in with a grin. "How about we hit up the next exhibit. I'm pretty sure it's got my favorite photographer featured."

"Ansel Adams?" Eddie guessed, mind recalling all the photographers that Buck and Chris had jotted on their list. Of those they highlighted as "must see's", he could vividly recall the spiel that Buck had gone on the other day at the station about how much he loved the contrast in Adams' photos. Buck insisted there was something beautiful in the way a landscape could speak to you through print, even without the bright colors saturating the image, and Eddie had found himself agreeing once he'd gone home and looked up some of the man's photos.

The look of surprise on Buck's face brought a warmth to Eddie, a burst of smug pride nestling in his chest. "How'd you know?"

"I listen," Eddie said with a shrug as if it were that simple. Buck's face flushed beautifully and it took every ounce of his control for Eddie not to lean forward and kiss it away.


02

One of the things he'd secretly loved about Shannon was the way her voice was all deep and raspy in the morning. He could remember when the first time he heard her morning voice, syrupy thick and a little more baritone than normal, was on the phone when he'd snuck into a supply closet on base to give her a call. It wasn't something he'd ever thought about, and it wasn't something he'd ever noticed in other people before, so naturally he obsessed over the discovery for the months leading up to his next week of leave to visit home.

He'd made a passing comment about it one morning after they'd woken up from a late-night watching Oklahoma, and Shannon had scrunched her nose in annoyance. Apparently she hated how her voice sounded fresh from sleep and thought it was odd that Eddie liked it so much. Eddie had backtracked then, saying it wasn't so much how it sounded but the adorable way she mumbled her words together.

The topic dropped and Eddie never let himself dwell on it, because outside of Shannon it wasn't something he'd found attractive on another person. Granted she was the first woman he was serious enough with to have the chance to experience the sleepy rasp, and in the Army the only time he paid attention to his subordinates was to make sure they were alive, healthy, and not doing something to get the entire command in trouble.

If the answer to those three things were yes, yes, and no then there was no reason to pay attention to them, at least not for Eddie. He was too focused on surviving deployment, finishing his contract and going home (and then focused on reupping after Chris and surviving the helicopter crash).

In fact, after that awkward morning with Shannon Eddie never thought about the concept of a morning voice until it was the middle of the night at the 118. He'd forgone sleep, still not quite used to the schedule even a month on duty, and instead settled into watching some medical drama that Hen loved to critique. Two characters were on screen, the man waking up with a thick "Mornin'," and suddenly Eddie had been reminded that morning voice was a thing.

Specifically, it was a thing that he enjoyed.

It was only fitting that ten minutes later, after he'd changed the channel to the Game Show Network to watch some bogus trivia game show, that Buck would stumble up the stairs and blindly wonder towards the coffee, offering him a garbled "Morning, Eds."

(He'd assumed, because it was more of a mash of sounds than actual words, but even three weeks in Eddie was fairly fluent in Buck.)

In retrospect, Eddie would look back on that moment with the rose-colored glasses and realize that he should have known that the way he internally reacted to the two simple words, thick and deeply mumbled, would clue him into the fact that he wasn't completely straight. Even with Shannon, secretly loving the deeper cadence of her voice should have tipped him off that there was a preference there (one that he'd subconsciously shoved deep in the back of his mind) for a more masculine cadence.

It was only fitting that once he allowed himself to acknowledge he had a thing for Buck's morning voice that he'd start to realize that there was a lot about the man that he found himself attracted too.

The way Buck's voice rumbled after waking up, rolling into words in a cadence so much velvetier than the man's normally deep sound, was a secret guilty pleasure of Eddies. He loved how monosyllabic Buck got when it came to being woken up, how he'd throw in the occasional grunt or whine because his brain wasn't online enough to form a proper sentence. It was adorable and so purely Buck that Eddie craved those little moments where he got a peak into it before Buck completely woke up and returned to his energetic self.

That only grew the longer he stayed at the station and the longer that Buck stayed his best friend.

Now that he was back full time at the 118, sliding into Hen's spot while she split time between her rotations and the fire house, Eddie craved those little moments with Buck. Despite being in the same station again, and despite Buck practically living at his place now that he and Taylor had broken up with her move to some city out east where she took a new job, he felt like they were constantly seeing each other in passing. Eddie was partnered with Chimney and going through a different routine than before, instead watching as Ravi filled his shoes with Buck.

Their partnership wasn't as solid as his and Buck's, but it was still pretty strong. That didn't stop him from being jealous, much to Chimney's chagrin. It was a constant topic inside the ambulance as they traveled to and from scenes, no matter how many times Eddie brushed the man off.

Like today, when Chimney kept smirking at him while he watched Buck and Ravi tag team a rope rescue. Chim swore Eddie could burn a hole through Ravi's turnout gear, so Eddie turned that glare onto him instead. Chim had feigned melting, shouting something similar to the Wicked Witch, which only caught the attention of Buck who was very visibly confused.

The ensuing lecture from his partner about movies was worth the distraction, up until that lecture carried over into the house and up in the loft. Eddie and Buck had settled into the couch, the former ignoring the discussion in favor of flipping the television onto some mind-numbing channel. Eddie knew this routine like the back of his hand—a boring show on at two in the morning would have Buck snoring within minutes, and like clockwork the man was out like a light, head pillowed on Eddie's shoulder while Chim rolled his eyes fondly.

Ravi had disappeared the moment the television had turned on, not bothering to stick around for the inevitable and instead opting to get a few minutes of sleep before the next alarm.

Eddie lazily waved Chim away, snuggling back into the couch and allowing himself to enjoy the closeness to his best friend. With the warmth of Buck pressed against him Eddie was out within minutes, only waking sometime later to Buck nuzzling at his neck with a gruff, "Sleepy, Eds."

Eddie chuckled throatily and ran a hand down the man's arm, opening his arm further for Buck to sink in.

"Warm," Buck practically purred, string the word out into a contented hum that reverberated down Eddie' spine and lulled him back to sleep.


03

Admittedly, if having the revelation that he had a thing for deep, masculine voices (or more accurately, Buck's voice) wasn't enough to push him over the edge of "probably queer", Eddie really should have made the connection when he realized how much he enjoyed Buck displaying his strength.

(Especially when he was on the receiving end of that display, not that he'd ever admit that out loud.)

At first it was an admiration thing, appreciating the dedication Buck put into amassing that strength. He loved to watch the man's muscles flex as he hoisted heavy objects, silently wondering how he could up his own routine to define his muscles a little bit more.

That admiration shifted into something more domestic and soft when he watched Buck lift his kid and settle him on his shoulders as if Chris was made of paper, which he could confirm was not the case. As the boy grew older he grew heavier, and while Eddie would adamantly deny that lifting Christopher around was getting slightly more challenging because of his own age, Eddie would admit that his growing kid was about to the age where piggyback rides and shoulder perching was a thing of the past.

Unless you were Buck and you could sling the kid around like a doll, much to Chris' entertainment. As independent as Christopher was with everything in life, he was also sneakily smart and had figured out early on that with the right combination of puppy eyes and lip tremble he could get Buck to do just about anything Chris wanted him to.

Including lifting him onto his shoulders at the zoo to see into the exhibits instead of trying to shoulder his way to the front of the crowd. Or having Buck give him a piggyback ride into the house when Chris decided he didn't want to get out of the car. Eddie knew the kid was feigning being tired because he knew exactly what a tired Chris looked like, and he could always see the way his son's lips twitched at the corners when he realized his scheming was successful.

Because carrying his kid into the house meant that Buck would deposit him on the couch and rummage around the kitchen to make hot chocolate the way Abuela had taught him. Eddie reserved hot chocolate for special occasions, knowing his kids addiction, but Buck didn't have same reverence and insisted that warm milk was exactly what a sleepy kid needed. That's what Maddie did for him, after all.

Then the shooting happened, and his perception shifted once more.

After Buck had pulled him under the engine and lifted him into the truck, Eddie had a new appreciation for the man's strength. Without it he wasn't sure that they would have made it to the hospital in time for them to rush him into surgery, meaning there was a distinct possibility that had Buck been even the tiniest bit weaker, Eddie wouldn't be here to silently appreciate the bulge of the biceps and the flex of the thighs.

Or the way Buck's back muscles rippled when the man worked out with the battle ropes.

Being strong was always part of the job requirements—you had to be able to tote around seventy-five pounds of gear on a call and still be able to maneuver debris or carry out an unconscious person. It hadn't ever occurred to him that he'd be on the receiving end of that requirement though, but he was thankful that Buck took pride in setting new personal records as often as his body would allow.

(And if he stopped complaining about the stinky vegan protein powder that Buck used, then that was his own business.)

From that point on it was like Buck, realizing his strength when it came to manhandling his best friend, had made it his mission to remind Eddie that he could take him at any point in time. Their play fighting took on a new edge and instead of the occasional shove and head locks they were openly pulling each other around or tossing one another into chairs or couches.

One of the more memorable times was when Bobby had announced that Athena had brought by a spread of barbeque to celebrate July 4th while they worked. Eddie and Buck had been playfully shoving each other in an attempt to get upstairs first, but the moment when Eddie was nearly at the table Buck lifted him by the waist, walked him backwards and tossed him easily onto the couch. Buck got the first serving of burnt ends while Eddie was floundering on the couch, equal parts annoyed at the antics and incredibly turned on at how easily Buck was able to manhandle him.

Eddie liked to remember that moment in time, despite how long Ravi and Chim made fun of him over the afternoon, because the other memorable moment that played on replay in his head was when Buck had to toss him onto his own bed because Eddie forgot he had a serious weakness for citrus flavored vodka.

It was embarrassing and Eddie was pretty sure his drunk self didn't have nearly enough filter to stop from gushing about how much he loved Buck tossing him into the bed. There was a vague memory that he prayed was a dream where he had an entire monologue lamenting about how unfair it was that Buck could drop him into bed in a way that wasn't going to end with them fucking, and really how fair was that?

And honestly, Eddie really needed to lay off the lemon martinis but his asshole of a best friend was a terrible enabler and encouraged his bad habits. Which was how they ended up repeating that night a few months later, this time ending at Buck's loft with Buck dragging him through the door and propping him up against the island while he locked the door. Eddie heard himself giggle as the world tilted around him, wincing as Buck startled out a yelp.

"Oh shit—Eddie!"

Buck snagged him before his face met the ground and hauled him back into a standing position.

"Tha's…" Eddie paused to shake his head, "Why it was tilty—so tilty, place is movin'…swimmin' all around here Buck."

"I swear to God if you puke, Diaz," Buck muttered into his ear, sending a shiver down Eddie's spine.

He was giggling again, just like a kid whose crush checked the 'yes' box on the 'do you like me? Check yes or no' letter. Buck sighed fondly, slipping an arm around the older man's waist and steering them towards his stairs. "¿O qué, Evan?" (Or what, Evan?)

Buck let go of him for a moment, letting Eddie pitch forward in a stumble before bringing him back into a standing position, laughing heartily as Eddie glared at him. "That's what, Edmundo."

At the bottom of the stairs Buck hesitated and cast a sideways glance at Eddie, face twisted in concentration while Eddie blinked slowly. "'s too m-much vodka for stairs," he slurred out.

Buck seemed to agree before he sighed again, "It's a damn good thing this wasn't a leg day, Eddie."

Eddie flashed his best grin at Buck, watching the younger man blush from the tip of his ears down into his shirt. The small sober part of his brain was the only reason Eddie wasn't pressing his face into the man's neck to see how far the blush went—

His line of thinking ended abruptly as Buck spun him around and hoisted him up by the thighs, letting Eddie clumsily wrap his legs around the man's waist and haphazardly drape his arms over his shoulders. Eddie let out an 'oof' of surprise, which was more of a wheeze than anything intelligible, when Buck set out up the stairs, barely breaking into a sweat before dumping Eddie into the bed.

Eddie bounced slightly, eyes blinking rapidly as the world around his shifted and blurred. He was definitely regretting that last round of vodka and chasers, mostly because he wasn't going to be able to fully appreciate Buck tossing him around like he would if he were sober.

He must have let out a pitiful whine at the thought because before he knew it Buck's face appeared over his, concern etched on his features. "You gonna blow?"

Eddie's head tilted, shifting his view slightly to where he got an eye full of Buck's birthmark. His traitorous hand was reaching out to brush against it before the sober part from before could save him. Buck stilled under his touch, which just wouldn't do, so Eddie hummed happily. "'s bonito." (pretty)

"So you've said," Buck breathed with a small grin.

"I have?" Eddie asked in surprise, fingers still ghosting over the strawberry skin.

"Mmhmm," Buck nodded, making Eddies' fingers slide into his hair. The new texture was pleasant, and before he could stop himself Eddie was threading his fingers through the curls while Buck talked. "You say a lot of things when you are drunk."

"I'm not drunk," Eddie said emphatically, stomach pitching just slightly. He felt a little green at that, so he amended his statement, "'m a little drunk. You're not though, why?"

"Someone has to be sober enough to get you to bed, I can't exactly carry you if I'm hammered too."

Eddie chuckled—giggled, really—and let his hand drop before snuggling into one of Buck's pillows. "Like it when you carry me."

Buck's laugh was like music to his ears, "You and your kid both. I'm on to you Diaz's thinking I'm just your pack mule."

"Pretty cute pack mule," Eddie mumbled into the pillow as sleep finally took him.


04

It went without saying that the 118 was a competitive group of individuals, always placing bets and trying to one up each other by make a game out of any task. There was a chart that Hen had hidden in the women's locker room that had the station personal record logs for fastest time unloading the dishwasher (Eddie), shortest amount of steps needed to restock the ambulance (Chim), quickest time to get in the turnout gear (Buck), number of bicep curls (Hen, in a shocking upset by ousting Buck by ten curls), among other things. Bobby pretended that he didn't see it, but occasionally he'd put on a show and take the title for an obscure task (amount of potatoes diced in a five minute period) that no one dared to try and achieve themselves.

This spilled into their personal lives which spawned monthly game nights hosted on a rotation basis—though Buck's nights typically were held at the Diaz house so the kids could congregate in the backyard—and a running record of the champion for each game. Hen and Karen were undefeated in Pictionary while Chimney and Maddie took the crown for charades. Bobby and Athena were neck and neck with Eddie and Buck when it came to Trivial Pursuit, but the last few rounds have gone to the younger duo much to their delight.

Eddie loved watching Buck get into the zone. The man was just as competitive as him, and Eddie got a kick out of seeing the normally joyful firefighter scowling and getting excited over winning a round of a game. One of his favorite memories from their game nights was watching Chimney flip the card table when Buck won the last round of Spoons, and it wasn't because he had to go out and buy a new table the next morning but because the smug smirk on Buck's face was so fucking kissable that Eddie had to retreat into the kitchen under the guise of needing a beer refill.

Karen had cornered him with a knowing look, spurring a silent conversation that amounted to 'you're a coward Diaz, get the man in your bed already' while Eddie adamantly insisted there was nothing to read into.

Karen had scoffed, grabbed the wine and his bottle of beer to give to Hen and wandered back into the living room where Athena and Bobby were setting up Monopoly.

The night would end with Eddie graciously winning (see: gloating in the face of Karen who had landed several lopsided deals to create her own monopoly only to land on Pennsylvania Ave and Boardwalk in consecutive turns) and Buck happily clinking their beers together to toast to a perfect victory. It wouldn't have been possible if Buck hadn't decided to go all in on beating Karen after the woman had convinced her wife to sell off her properties in an attempt to win the game in a quick power move. Buck had immediately sold off his properties to Eddie for a low sum of two hundred dollars and a 'get out of jail free' card, and the promise from Eddie to help him make a sopapilla cheesecake for Saturday brunch with Abuela and Peppa.

(The first time Buck made the cheesecake he was sure his abuela would turn her nose up at the bastardization of her favorite desert, but apparently combining the food with her second favorite desert—cheesecake—had been like winning the lottery and suddenly Buck was learning all her secret family recipes that not even his dad or tio knew. It was baffling, but the way Buck bragged to Chris about it had him secretly enjoying every time they made the dessert together.)

From that point on there was an embargo on Monopoly, but that didn't stop Eddie and Buck from teaming up at every chance, even when the rest of the crew would separate them. Apparently Buck's competitive streak ended with being a sleeper agent, or at least it did when paired with Chimney during Pictionary. Eddie knew the man would blame his lack of movie knowledge, but he also knew that Buck was playing it up because they'd been re-watching the Star Wars movies over the summer with Chris to prepare for watching the Mandalorian series.

When Buck learned about the Diaz tradition of picking movies that Shannon had started he insisted on participating, tossing in his own titles from the small number of movies he'd actually seen. Funnily enough that also turned into a competition to see who picked the best movie. Eddie was well aware that selecting the movies was completely up to chance, but it was the principle of it when he picked Shrek 3 for the fifth time and Buck was lucky enough to pick Matilda.

(That ended with Eddie telling Buck he'd show him how the cat felt when Trunchbull punted it across the yard if he didn't stop gloating, but Buck did that stupidly adorable nose twitch he learned from when they watched Bewitched and sent Chris into a fit of laughter while Eddie fought to keep himself in check.)

It was entertaining, watching how hyped-up and giddy Buck would get when there was the promise of competition. The downside of that entertainment was how a competitive Buck (much like clipboard Buck, he would soon realize) was a major turn on for Eddie, and he wasn't really sure how to handle that.

So he did what Eddie Diaz did best: ignored it.

Or at least he tired too, because it was getting increasingly harder to ignore the way Buck's competition did things to him when Buck was constantly seeking out things to turn into a race. Hen said he was posturing like a peacock, and at first Eddie hadn't believed her. Then Buck made a competition out of who could get coffee the fastest with Ravi, and suddenly Eddie was pretty sure Buck was doing it so that he could show Ravi that he was the probie (and thus the low man on the totem pole) despite having had his ceremony over the summer.

And then Ravi had to go and beat the time by a whopping five minutes.

Secretly Eddie loved the way Buck would pout after losing. The way his face crinkled, lips scrunched and eyes narrowed while he crossed his arms was adorable, such a stark contrast from the usual disposition that Buck sported. So sometimes, even though he really, really, loved watching Buck focus so intently on winning and the way his face would light up, fist pumping while whooping for joy, watching him scowl and mope after a loss like a sore looser was an incredibly close second.

In a perfect world he could kiss it better, and there was a tiny part in his brain that said Buck was losing for that specific reason, but that was a thought that would only live on his wildest dreams because he and Buck weren't at that point where Eddie could casually kiss things better. Eddie wasn't sure they ever would be, even if it felt like an inevitability the way gravity seemed to pull them into the same orbit.

Instead he got to offer a consoling pat and try (and fail) to not be patronizing, though usually his sarcastic comments would pull Buck out of his funk within seconds.

"Buck—man—just admit that you've crossed the barrier into the technologically illiterate generation. It's okay, just a fact of life. Messing up the online ordering is your future, better accept that now."

Bucks scowl deepened, "I didn't mess up the online ordering, Edmundo! At all. In fact I put my order in before we left—Ravi didn't even place his until he was almost at the coffee shop! It doesn't make sense!"

Eddie bit his lip to keep from laughing when he seen Ravi's head poke up from the loft railing. The man clearly heard his name and once he saw Buck gesturing widely with his hands, the young firefighter's face broke out into the most shit eating grin Eddie had ever seen on him. Ravi waved lazily at Eddie, conveying all the smugness he wasn't accustomed to seeing on him.

"What shop was it again?" Eddie asked, not taking his eyes off a beaming Ravi who was now leaning against the railing.

"Woody's Espresso Bar," came Buck's petulant reply.

Eddie watched Ravi's grin grow impossibly wider, prompting him to huff his own laugh. "Isn't that where Jackson works in the mornings before he has class?"

"Jackson?"

"Ravi's boyfriend."

Eddie turned and watched the dots connect as Buck's face broke out into betrayal, "Probie!" Eddie watched the man take off towards the stairs as he shouted after Ravi, who had made a smart, tactical retreat when he heard Eddie spill the beans on how he had an inside man help him win the new record.

A sigh sounded from beside him, and Eddie didn't need to turn to know that Bobby was pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"I'll have Hen update the board," Eddie offered helpfully.

"I didn't hear that," Bobby said, shouldering past him to hide out in his office.

"Should we do an asterisk or just strike the record all together?" Eddie called after him.

Bobby shook his head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'll just tell Hen to use her best judgement!"

Bobby's response was to firmly close his door, leaving Eddie smirking in the bay while shouts from Buck could be heard as he chased Ravi through the loft. Hen's cackling floated down next, followed by Chimney yelling at them for not waiting for him to get his phone out to film ("Think of the views on TikTok! Damnit Buck, wait—!").

His phone vibrated in his pocket, jolting him in place. Eddie swiped on the text notification from Hen, rolling his eyes fondly at the words waiting for him.

Dr. Wilson
[09:36AM]

Come get your lover boy before I have to practice splinting again.

User
[09:36AM]

Ravi's a little young for my taste.
Plus he's happily taken, and I'm not really built for polyamory
One man kind of man, you know?

Dr. Wilson
[09:36AM]

Don't be purposefully obtuse
I'll accidently text him those photos of you passed out on my couch
You know the ones from when you watched my kids at our place?
And Nia painted your face with Karen's makeup?

User
[09:36AM]
I'll be right there.


05

Growing up like he did, Eddie wasn't really used to having a family around him that was both thoughtful and supporting. His support system back in El Paso had been limited to his sisters, and for a brief bit Shannon before that whole thing blew up in their faces. Now he was surrounded by a support system that was so interwoven that sometimes he almost needed a visual aid to connect how each person integrated into the 118 family.

Each person was so thoughtful and understanding, something that Eddie was completely unprepared to experience when he signed on with the fire station all those years ago. He assumed he would get to know the crew, maybe have some dysfunctional work family that stopped at the door like with every job he'd had up to that point, but to his surprise the 118 has zero personal boundaries with each other.

It would be disconcerting if it weren't so damn beneficial.

And while each person had their own shining moments, none of them took the cake like Buck did. Eddie knew the man would give his last dollar to anyone who even hinted at needed a hand. Buck was the one person they knew would do anything and everything in his power to help out, even to his own detriment. Buck was always the first one to show up when you needed him and was the last to leave, and only once he was sure you didn't need anything else from him.

His heart was just too big, and Eddie fucking loved him for it.

When Chimney stumbled into the station after a week off with Jee and Maddie trading ear infections and the flu, Buck was ready with a steaming cup of herbal tea for his recovering throat, a takeout container with an iHOP omelet that Chim swore was the best around (much to Bobby's displeasure) and Chim's energy drink of choice. It was a testament to how rough the man looked when the fire captain didn't even make a comment when he spotted the container in the trash that afternoon.

After learning how spread thin Karen and Hen had been with Hen starting her rotations and Karen starting a new job that required her to be back in an office, he was the first to offer his services as a babysitter for Denny. They'd ended up adding Buck to the approved pick-up list and more often he would swing by and pick up the boy before heading to the Diaz house so Denny and Christopher could do their homework together. Buck made sure to make enough food to send home leftovers for Hen to take into her rotations and for Karen to reheat for lunches throughout the week.

So became the routine where when Buck wasn't at his house, the man was at his loft watching either Jee or Denny, or sometimes both and Chris whenever Eddie needed to run and errand or fix something at Abuela's.

It really shouldn't have shocked him when Buck walked into the station with a stack of printed paper, stapled into packets with highlighter marks coloring each page. Those papers, he would quickly learn, were of various homes in a triangulated area between the station, Eddie's place, Chris' school, Maddie and Chim's apartment, and the Wilson house.

If he were being honest, Eddie hated the idea of Buck buying a house when it felt like the man already had a place to call home—but they weren't together, and he couldn't just ask Buck to move into his smaller place because he was pretty sure the man wouldn't go for sleeping on the sofa forever.

And as much as he'd love to wake up with a face full of curls like he did back in quarantine, they weren't at that stage yet. Soon, if he was reading things correctly—if the way Buck's gaze would linger, and the way the causal touches felt a lot more intimate could mean something more.

They needed to take this slow, to make sure they were on the same page because the delicate ecosystem that he and Buck had created was special. He wasn't sure how he'd survive if something happened and they misstepped, disrupting everything they built. He'd taken every wrong move with Shannon, and with Ana later down the line, so he needed to make sure they did things right. It was only fair to Buck, and to Chris who stood to lose another parent if Eddie played his cards wrong.

If you asked anyone in the station they'd say that Eddie was playing the long game too slowly, but Eddie knew that after Taylor, Buck would need time to get back to himself. They were only thirteen months removed from the shooting, and only about five months from when Buck and Taylor had broken up. Buck had been candid about how lost he'd felt during the months he had spent with her, how he always felt like he was forcing himself into the role of a boyfriend who said the right things and made the right romantic gestures.

(Like following her to Oklahoma, not that Eddie was bitter about having to drop him off at the airport to watch his best friend break his own promise of not chasing after someone again.)

While Eddie spiraled in his own way, Buck had reverted back to his past self in a number of ways and the man had been open with how much he'd been working with Dr. Copeland about why he resorted to old habits the way he had. Eddie could see the progress and the way Buck was feeling more confident and more sure of himself, and he could only feel his love for the man grow with each passing day—and one day, if the universe let things play out the way Eddie hoped and prayed they would, Buck would be coming home to him and Christopher instead of sorting through real estate listings.

So, while he couldn't play the 'just move in with me' card, Eddie had offered to tour the places with him. If he was extra critical about the listings then it was out of a sense of duty as a best friend and not because he was trying to covertly sabotage Buck's plans so that he could one day invite Buck into his house.

Really, he'd swear it.

(Fingers crossed, like Chris taught him.)

It didn't matter in the end, because the childhood friend of Buck's realtor was putting her parents house on the market and Buck's realtor jumped at the chance to show it to him first. The woman's mother had recently passed after a long battle with cancer and her father was going to move into their home because there were too many memories in that house.

The house had been renovated within the last couple of years to make it more accessible for the mother, who had mobility issues from complications from chemo. Both the master ensuite and the shared bathroom for the other two bedrooms were both fully fitted with shower chairs and rails, and Buck was adamant that it would be perfect for Chris.

It had knocked the wind out of Eddie to hear Buck mention that on the phone, unaware of how much planning Buck had really put into a home with his son in mind. In retrospect it made sense that Buck would be thinking about his son, because Buck always thought about Christopher, but to hear it had caused something visceral to react within his stomach, pulling at his heart and thrumming in his veins.

The house ended up being a few blocks away from his own and was actually closer to the station by about fifteen minutes (and Eddie was not jealous of that, not even a little bit). It was on the smaller side for a three bed, two bath home but with the recent renovations to make the flooring all one level without transitions (therefore no tripping hazards), as well as a ramp down onto the patio, Buck told his realtor he could compromise space for the practicality.

There wasn't much curb appeal to the place, not that Eddie had expected much beyond the standard California look of palm tree, patchy grass, and some flowering bush that his abuela had in her yard. There were a couple of citrus trees in the back that had Buck practically squealing over, and Eddie didn't need to walk inside to know that this was the place that Buck was going to make an offer on.

Two weeks later Buck walked into the station, a set of keys twirling in his hand and a smile radiating off his face so brightly that Chimney had actually slipped on his sunglasses in gest.

"I take it they accepted your offer?" Hen asked, eyeing the key ring on his finger.

"Yep," Buck replied with excitement. "They never actually ended up listing it, I guess Rhonda was gossiping about how picky of a buyer I was to her friend—which, I don't think I was unreasonable in my list—"

"Not unreasonable at all," Eddie muttered sarcastically, recalling all fifteen homes he'd toured with Buck before Rhonda had pulled that listing out of her ass.

Buck ignored Eddie with a dismissive wave of his hand, keys jingling together. "That friend mentioned how they were going to put her parents' house up soon so Rhonda convinced her to let me tour and put an offer in. I just dropped by to get the keys and to sign the closing papers for the loft. I'm not officially a homeowner and have two weeks to move out."

"I'm proud of you," Bobby said with a smile. "And, in celebration how about we have some of that buffalo vegan macaroni you and Hen have been talking about?"

Buck perked up at that, "Seriously?"

Bobby shrugged, "I've been wanting to branch out and experiment with some vegan dishes."

Hen leaned over, hand over her face to whisper conspiratorially, "May's gone vegan and Bobby and Athena are having a competition to see who can cook the better options."

"So we're the test subjects," Buck whispered back.

"Not at all," Bobby insisted, hands held out. "I just thought we could celebrate this new milestone, but if you'd rather just eat the left-over chili from B shift…"

A various chorus of 'oh god no' and 'please someone throw it out' rang out, and Eddie watched as Ravi made for the fridge to make sure the chili disappeared. He chuckled at the antics, turning to knock shoulders with Buck. It was bittersweet to hear his best friend come in with the news of being a new homeowner, but the way Buck lit up about it had him stuffing the feeling deep in the pits of his stomach.

"How's it feel?" He asked instead, pulling Buck onto the couch beside him.

"Surreal," Buck admitted with a sheepish grin. "I don't know—I just…I guess I figured it was too good to be true, you know? Like this just fell into my lap and had everything I was looking for. A backyard for the kids to play in, accessible enough for Chris to move around without his crutches and not feel like he was going to fall, plus a big enough kitchen to entertain in."

"I'm really happy for you," Eddie admitted, locking eyes with the man to show how sincere he was.

"Yeah?"

Eddie nodded, "I know how much this means to you and I'm really happy that it worked out. I know you're going to love the place."

"You just like how close it is to you," Buck countered with a mock glare.

"Nah, it's the shorter distance to the station I'm after. Watch out, I just might slowly move Chris and I in over time just for that reason alone."

Buck let out a laugh and handed over the keys in his hand. Eddie felt his throat close up as the cool metal met his palm, the moment suddenly feeling too heavy.

"I uh," Buck started before clearing his throat. "I wanted to give you the first set of keys—there's one for Chris too. His is the one with the Star Wars rebel logo."

"Buck," Eddie said, not looking from the keys. "You—these are the first?"

"Yeah," Buck replied thickly. "Yeah, I uh—it was important that you have them, and like we move in, in two weeks, and I know it's going to be chaotic between packing and unpacking, so… I guess I—I just wanted to make sure you had them, you know?"

Eddie wasn't sure if Buck caught the slip of the tongue, but the way he said 'we move in' had his heart stuttering and suddenly a flash of the future was playing out in his mind. Scenes of him and Buck dancing around the kitchen, scenes of Chris and Denny and Harry spread out in the living room playing video games, scenes of the 118 gathered in their backyard, scenes of a nursery, scenes scenes scenes—

Eddie let out a breath and felt his face flushing, but he was smiling and nodding at Buck to show how much it meant to him that Buck wanted him to have the first set of keys to his new home. Words were escaping him, but Buck seemed to understand exactly what Eddie was conveying if the way the other firefighter was beaming at him was any indication.

"So," Buck said after a long moment of silence while Eddie thumbed over the keys. "I can't wait for Chris to pick out the color for his room, and I've got ideas for a desk and bed set—oh! And you'll have to help me pick out a dining set because this place has a much bigger area for a dining table and mine is way too small…"

He wasn't sure when, but one day Eddie was going to marry this man.


+ 01

September rolled around and Buck was moved into his new place and suddenly Eddie found himself and Chris spending more time at the new house more than their own. It wasn't that big of a deal for Chris, who was in heaven over a new room to decorate just like the one at home, but Eddie was well aware of how expensive his own mortgage was to be spending seventy-five percent of his time away from the house.

The trade off was worth it though, watching how Buck flourished in his own place. Eddie knew that Buck had a love/hate relationship with the loft; once Buck had told him that the younger version of himself would have loved having the industrial feel of a place in the heart of LA. He would have loved having a dozen restaurants and corner stores within a few minutes walk and he would have loved having the balcony overlooking the urban skyline.

Eddie knew, from drunken admissions, that the older Buck got, the more jaded he'd become with the place—it had a lot of memories (seemingly more bad than good) from Alli leaving to recovering from the bombing, the embolism, and the tsunami; from halfway living there through Eddie's rehab to watching Taylor practically move in; from Chimney punching him to the emotional breakup he'd had with Taylor who had begged him to follow her east.

But Buck couldn't uproot himself, and Eddie had been there to pick up the pieces of the broken heart until the emotional reunion of Maddie and Chimney. They'd shown up on a Thursday, tentatively knocking while Eddie puttered around Buck's kitchen, reheating the leftovers that Bobby had sent home with Buck. It had been a hard shift, compounding on a hard week, compounding on a hard month and year, so Eddie had found himself at the loft to take care of his best friend while Chris was visiting the Wilson's.

The initial tears of seeing Maddie and his niece were enough to ignore the awkward tension between him and Chimney, and eventually Eddie practically pried Jee-Yun out of Buck's hands so he and Maddie could step out to the balcony.

He and Maddie had a long talk then, catching up and reflecting on their own traumas while Buck and Chimney hashed out their own issues. It was a while before either man emerged from the apartment, but once Buck stumbled out looking dazed Eddie knew they'd had exactly the conversation they'd needed in order to move forward.

Despite the happiness that was slowly coming back into his life, Eddie knew that Buck was growing restless in his place, so logically the next step was looking for a new place to call home and there was something special about watching the way Buck bounced from room to room, constantly scratching notes on his clipboard with future decoration ideas and color schemes.

Eddie loved the way Buck would pause in the center of the room, mouth idly chewing on the end of a pen while his head was tilted in thought, eyes squinting as they scanned the walls and the flooring while the man visualized the space.

He loved the way Buck created a group chat with the 118 and Maddie to bounce ideas off of. He loved how Ravi would throw out obscure design ideas (like the flamingo patterned wallpaper he'd found off Etsy that he swore Buck needed for his bathroom) and Buck would seriously consider them before someone more responsible (usually Maddie and Hen, occasionally Bobby) would step in. He loved how Chris helped plan the garden and landscaping in the small back yard, loved how Buck took every idea seriously and took his son's thoughts into consideration at every turn.

And Eddie—he helped, at least as much as he could, but there were only so many times a person could go to Ikea or Target, so he'd tagged out with Maddie in exchange for babysitting Jee while she and Buck spent too much money on new patio furniture. He settled or sticking around after each shopping session to help Buck put together furniture, wash the new linens, and listen to the younger man excitedly explain all the new kitchen gadget's he'd picked up because the storage in the new kitchen was double what was in the loft.

By the second weekend of the month Eddie found himself unlocking Buck's front door early on the Saturday morning. They had no real plans for the day—most things were built or bought, or where in the process of being shipped, and Chris was having a sleepover/zoo trip with Denny and Harry. He half expected Buck to be in the middle of making an elaborate breakfast, but instead he'd found the man sitting in the back yard, back pressed against the lemon tree with a far away look.

Eddie hadn't seen him so zoned out since just after they'd been held hostage; not since Buck sat a mile away from him at the hospital while Eddie spent all his energy talking himself back from a panic attack over the feeling of hot air brushing his neck from the gun fire. Gently Eddie approached him, crouching down on to one knee beside the man.

"Buck?" Eddie asked quietly, lightly laying a hand on his shoulder. At the touch Buck was jerking, body going rigid while he glanced around wildly. When his eyes landed on Eddie his posture relaxed, shoulders dropping instantly as his head fell against the bark of the tree with a soft thud.

"You good?" Eddie asked him, gently brushing his thumb across the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

Buck blinked and nodded, "Yeah. I—uh, yeah. I'm good. Just thinking."

"How long have you been out here?"

"The sun wasn't out when I came out this morning, so a while." Buck said hoarsely, clearing his throat and bringing his hands to his face. Eddie watched him press the palms into his eyes, a soft groan escaping the younger man's throat in what Eddie thought might be frustration, but could also be agony.

"Buck…" He tried again softly before slipping his arms round the man's torso and hauling him to his feet. "Let's get you inside, okay?"

"Yeah," Buck nodded, feet stumbling slightly as they began to move. "Sorry, I just… kinda got lost in my head, I guess."

"Do I need to call Dr. Copeland?"

"No," Buck shook his head. "No. I've got an appointment with her Monday so I can bring this up then."

"What is this, exactly?" Eddie asked, depositing Buck in a chair at the kitchen island and heading to the fridge to pull out a bottle of juice. "No pressure though, I just want to make sure you're okay."

Buck nodded, silently accepting the juice and opening it to take a long swig. Eddie watched his adam's apple bob with each pull of the drink and after the third time he made himself advert his gaze and settle on the surface in front of Buck instead.

The silence in the home was deafening, so unlike any moment he'd experienced in the short month that Buck had lived there. It was wrong and grated at Eddie, plucking at his nerves while his worry for his friend mounted with each passing second.

After what felt like an eternity Buck spoke, so quietly that Eddie nearly missed him.

"It's Daniel's birthday today."

It took a moment for Eddie to process it, the casual way Buck spoke it was like it was one of their fellow firefighters that was turning another year older and not the day his older brother would have been thirty-seven. "Buck—"

"I got curious, you know?" Buck interrupted him, not glancing up from the half-empty juice bottle. "Like, once my parents left and that bombshell dropped I just…forgot about it, and I felt so shitty, I guess. He died and I never spent another second—"

"I was shot," Eddie reminded him, the words tasting like lead in his mouth. They didn't talk about it much, and it never got easier but Eddie knew that Buck was spiraling over forgetting about Daniel and he needed the man to understand that it wasn't his fault. "I was shot in the street, and you helped me through rehab and watching Chris. And then we each had our own demons, I mean fuck, we were held hostage and then—"

Eddie caught himself before the rant about the first of the year left his mouth and instead took a deep breath. "Life hasn't stopped since then, so it's understandable you haven't thought about him. It wasn't like you were best friends or inseparable—you didn't even know about him."

"Exactly!" Buck exclaimed, setting the bottle down roughly. "I didn't know him, but my parents and Maddie did. My whole extended family did, and no one talked about him. My biggest fear was always dying and no one caring—they fucking loved him and look what happened! I—they. They barely tolerate me, so what's that mean when I die? I just…I owe it to him to be the one person who cares—"

"Fuck them," Eddie interjected firmly, watching as Buck opened and closed his mouth in an effort to form words. He gave his friend a sad look before lowering his voice, speaking much softer once he had Buck's full attention. "Maddie cares. You know that and you know the guilt she carries because of what your parents made her promise. She was a kid too, neither of you should carry this alone."

Buck deflated at that, head falling into his hands as a silent sob took over his body. "I didn't…I didn't even know when he died, Eddie! I didn't know when he was born, just that I fucked u—"

"No!" Eddie snapped, moving around the island to spin Buck around in the chair, stopping when he was face to face with the man. "You did nothing wrong. You didn't fuck up and you have nothing to blame yourself for."

"I should have looked before now," Buck said instead.

"How'd you even find out?" Eddie asked instead, refusing to entertain the self-deprecation further.

Buck sniffed, head tilting back while he tried to blink away the tears. "I googled his name, selfishly hoping to find and obituary or I don't know… a-a news article or something, and instead I found a website where people post photos of headstones so that families can see where their loved ones are resting. And I found it. A grey square with just his name, Daniel Philip Buckley born September 12, 1985 and died March 28, 1993.

"I was barely over a year old, and he was gone. I spent a year with him but I have nothing to remember him! He was seven, Eddie." Buck's voice was breaking as he spoke, tears openly flowing. "Never made it to eight, and you know what I did on my eighth birthday? Threw a tantrum because my parents wouldn't let me have a party and Maddie had to bake me a cake in the middle of the night so that I would calm down. Don't you see how selfish that is?"

"No," Eddie answered honestly, grasping the man's face gently and tugging until Buck met his eyes. "You were a child, Buck. You knew Chris at that age—would you have blamed him for throwing a fit if I told him no to a birthday party?"

Buck scoffed, "It's not the same—"

"It is, and I'm not going to sit here and let you put yourself down about a situation that happened because your parents reacted poorly in their grief. I can't imagine losing a child, because if I lost Chris I don't know that I would be able to function, but I know for damn sure that if I had another kid that depended on me, I wouldn't do a single thing the way your parents did."

Eddie let his thumb rub at the mans skin, little soothing circles as he tried desperately to make Buck understand. "I'd never stop fighting for my family, no matter how much I wanted to give up. It sucks, and it's an impossible situation, but if Daniel grew up to be even a fraction of the person you and Maddie are, then I know he'd be pissed that you are doing this to yourself."

"Eddie," Buck tried, more tears falling. "I can't—I don't—"

"Está bien," (It's okay) Eddie soothed quietly, pulling the man into an embrace. "I know you never let yourself process this, and I can't imagine what's going through your mind right now, but it's okay."

Eddie let one hand run the length of Buck's back, pausing to soothe circles like he had before while keeping a firm hold on him. He listened as Buck completely broke down in his arms, his own heart breaking at the sounds of Buck's sobs and grief. In that moment Eddie hated Buck's parents more than he'd ever hated anyone in his life. He hated how badly they'd handled Daniels's death, hated how much blame Buck felt, how much guilt he carried on. He hated how badly Buck starved for love and he hated how little the man had gotten in return from them.

Eddie wanted to punch something, to scream and shout at Philip and Margaret Buckley until they finally understood how broken Buck felt because of what they did. Instead he focused on the man in his arms, murmuring soft reassurances every now and again while Buck composed himself.

"I'm sorry," Buck whispered, voice cracking with grief after the sobs turned into soft sniffles. "I'm sorry—I just get so wrapped up…"

"I don't know why you're apologizing to me," Eddie spoke softly into his ear. "There's nothing to be sorry for here, Buck. Nothing at all—you're valid to feel upset about his death and how it was handled. I just wish you weren't so hard on yourself, you know?"

Buck huffed a humorless laugh, pulling back far enough to wipe his eyes. He let Eddie keep a sturdy grip on his elbows, thumbs stoking the exposed skin. "Old habits, I guess. It's easier now though, knowing why it was so hard for them to like me. I just wanted to be loved, you know? To have someone in my life other than Maddie who was obligated—"

"No," Eddie said firmly, squeezing Buck's arms strongly. "You know it wasn't out of obligation."

Buck nodded, "I know…"

"You know you are loved right?" Eddie asked him, eyes searching Buck's face intently. "Please, Ev—"

"Yeah," Buck breathed, finally locking eyes with Eddie. "I know, I promise I do but sometimes I have to remind myself that there are people who love me."

"Buck," Eddie paused to take a deep breath, moving his hands from the man's elbows and threading their hands together in Buck's lap. "Buck—you… I need you to understand how loved you are. How much I love you."

Buck sucked in a breath but Eddie pressed on, letting the man grip his hands a little tighter as the words poured from his mouth. "I—there's so much about you to love. You've got such a big heart, and so much love to give that it's almost impossible not to love you, and I can't imagine how your parents lived in the same fucking house and found it hard. Because loving you isn't hard, Evan. I swear to you—it's so goddamned easy. As easy as breathing most days, and that's kind of terrifying because all the little things you do keep me falling for you every day."

Buck was blinking, clutching desperately at his hands. "They…my mom, she said I made it hard—"

"It's not," Eddie adamantly refuted. "It's not because you're so thoughtful that you literally put anyone before yourself. You've done nothing but support me and my kid, hell you're practically—no you are—raising him with me. Have been, for a while actually.

"There's just so much to love about you, you know? I love watching how you light up when you get to share something new you learned. I love watching how you interact with Chris and the kids; I love how competitive you are and how fiercely loyal you can be. I love the way you fight for this family, and I love the way you see me. Have always seen me. I'm so damn lucky to have you in my life, Buck."

Eddie withdrew one hand to brush along Buck's birthmark, so similar to that night in his loft all those months ago. "You're beautiful, Evan. Inside and out, and I'm not going to let you go another day thinking that loving you is a chore."

"It's all I've ever wanted," Buck admitted leaning into Eddie's hand.

Eddie felt Buck's other hand ghosting up his arm, slipping behind his neck and tugging lightly to pull him forward. Eddie stepped into Buck, slotting between the man's legs until they were inches apart, noses nearly touching as Buck searched his eyes, silently seeking permission.

Eddie pressed forward in response, letting his lips find Buck's, a light press to anchor the moment. Buck was still crying silent tears, overwhelmed with the same emotion that Eddie felt knotting in his own stomach. In his fantasies their first kiss was all fire and passion, maybe with a hint of teeth clacking or desperate gasping as they finally broke the sexual tension that swirled around them at all times.

In real time though, it wasn't about that. It was about reassuring Buck that he was loved, that he was wanted, and that his fears were unfounded because as long as Eddie was alive no one would ever forget Buck. There was never going to be a time where no one knew Evan Buckley's legacy, and Eddie would fight every day for Buck to see how important he was to not only him, but to Christopher and the 118.

Buck pressed forward, deepening the kiss for a second longer before pulling pack to rest their foreheads together. "I love you, Eds. I love you so fucking much and I…I'm so lucky to have someone who cares that much."

"Pretty sure I'm the lucky one," Eddie replied with a chuckle. "Or did you not listen to my heartfelt rant? It was pretty good, I think. Especially for someone who was—how'd Frank put it—deathly allergic to emotional discussion?"

The breathy laugh that escaped Buck's lips tickled Eddie's face, "He wasn't wrong."

"Agree to disagree," Eddie said, snaking his arms to wrap around Buck's torso. The other man let his head pillow on Eddie's shoulder, face turned to nuzzle into his neck.

"Thanks, Eddie." Buck said softly. "I…just, thank you. For listening, for pulling me back and for loving me anyway."

"Loving you is the easiest thing I can do, Buck. There is no loving you anyway, just loving you always."