Written in response to a sort of dialogue prompt on JE FF FB group.


Sometimes life takes a turn you never saw coming, yet you quickly realize it was the correct path all along.

I want to say it all started about six months ago when Ranger and I sat down and had an honest heart to heart. After a lot of frustration and a few tears on my part, we decided the relationship we shared was one of really good friends, but anything more was never going to come to fruition. While I held no desire to have the white picket fence and two point five kids that Joe wanted, I did need a real relationship and some type of commitment.

Deep down, I always knew Ranger would never cheat on me the way Joe and Dickie had done. Yet, monogamy alone hadn't been enough. Despite continued discussions, arguments and annoyance, Ranger remained emotionally distant, unable to share his feelings and unwilling to allow me to get too close.

Living on the edge of his life, always at arm's length left me unhappy and dissatisfied. Yet, he persisted in his stoic belief that because of who he was and what he'd done in the past, being in a relationship with him could lead to my harm. If anything happened to me, he'd never be able to live with the guilt or without me in his life. Whether I believed him or not didn't really matter. That's what he contended, and nothing was going to change his mind.

For a while my heart was well and truly broken at the realization that he and I would never have the Happy Ever After, I always dreamed for us. A couple of times I seriously considered leaving both Rangeman and Trenton to start fresh somewhere else. Only, the idea of not having Ranger in my life at all hurt so much it made me physically ill.

That's when I decided having him as a friend was better than not having him at all. Besides, I couldn't leave my Merry Men. Bobby, Hal and Cal were like the older brother's I'd never had. Tank reminded me of my Uncle Joe and Lester… Well, Lester was my partner in crime, both in the office and in the field. He was also the other love of my life, though that was a secret I fully intended to take to the grave. No way would I ever come between Ranger and his cousin.

Lester and I became permanent work partners eight months ago, after he was shot. His partner at the time, a newbie by the name of Cade, had made a major error in judgment while investigating an alarm call. The error resulted in an ambush which cost Cade his life and left Lester in critical condition.

When he'd finally recovered enough to return to the field, he'd ask to be partnered with me. Since then, we'd become nearly inseparable as my love for him grew. The fact was, we were one hell of a team.

Unfortunately for him, my crazy mojo rubbed off on him and the stupid and weird things that usually happened to me while chasing skips, now included Lester. Such as the way it was this morning when we went after Harold Pancek, a repeat offender and FTA who enjoyed being indecently exposed and wreaking havoc whenever he got the chance.

After having our uniforms covered in chili and an extra-large soda, Lester and I managed to get Harold cuffed and hauled off to the cop shop. We then returned to Rangeman, smelling of stale chili and feeling wet and sticky and not in a good way.

Since he was our last skip of the day, I could have hopped into my car and headed home to shower. Only, I was finally driving something halfway decent and really wasn't interested in getting food goo all over the seats.

Knowing I still had extra clothes in Ranger's closet, I headed up to Seven for a quick spin through his shower. I knew he wouldn't mind, even though he was currently in Miami working on a big project with the Miami core team.

I fobbed my way into Seven only to stop short at the sight of furniture covers on the living room couch and chairs. At first, I thought maybe he was having the room painted while he was gone. Only, when I walked into the bedroom, I found his glorious king size bed stripped and the mattress and nightstands covered with additional tarps.

What in the hell was going on?

Deciding the answers could wait, I made quick work of showering and changing then headed back down to Five and directly into Tanks office. Not surprising, Lester was already there. "What's going on with Ranger's apartment? Why are furniture covers over everything?"

Tank and Lester exchanged a quick look of panic. Wait…Rangemen didn't panic. Their expressions only served to set my nerves on edge even more. "What the fuck is going on? What aren't you telling me, Tank?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Ranger has decided to stay and work out of the Miami office permanently."

I staggered just a little, feeling as if his words had leaped out of his mouth and physically punched me in the face. "He what?"

"Now before you get upset," Lester started to say, only to have me cut him off with a raised hand.

"Don't you dare tell me not to get upset." I turned back to look at Tank. "Am I the only one who wasn't told of this change?" My heart broke at the silence that met my question. "I see," I managed to say as I took a step away from his office door.

"Steph," Lester called out even as I held out my hand and shook my head.

"Don't, Les. Just don't."

"Don't what?" he pushed as he walked toward me.

"Don't tell me not to get upset or that I don't understand, okay. I understand more than you think."

"Okay, then how about not being so dramatic?" he replied. "If you'd just stop and listen for a minute…"

"Dramatic?" I repeated as a quick shot of anger blasted through me. "You think being upset because one of your best friends disappears and doesn't tell you is being dramatic?"

"It's not like that," he said. "If you would just listen to me for a second, I can explain."

I shook my head as I continued to back away. The last thing I wanted to do was engage in any kind of conversation with anyone except the man in question. Right now, I wasn't so sure I even wanted to talk to him. "Why?" I asked. "So, you can try and make up some excuse to justify his actions?"

"Stop being so fucking stubborn," he shot back, catching me off guard. In all the time I've known Lester, he's never once spoken to me like that. "Just listen for a sec."

I continued to shake my head as I backed away. "I'm done."

"What do you mean you're done?" he asked, his face a mask of frustration.

"I mean, I'm not going to have this conversation right now. My shift is over, and I think I need to be alone for awhile. I'll see you on Monday," I said as I turned and headed for the elevator. Knowing Lester was far from done and might try to cut me off using the stairs. I diverted and headed down the stairs instead.

"Steph please wait." Lester's voice echoed through the stairwell as I made my way down the multiple flights, then raced out the door to my car. I was already pulling out of the garage when I spotted him in the rear-view mirror.

I stewed over the news of Ranger's impromptu relocation all the way back to my apartment. Why hadn't he told me? Why hadn't Lester told me? He was my partner. We'd shared so much over the last few months. How could he have kept this from me?

Fury coursed through me as exited my car, raced inside and up the steps. I unlocked my apartment door, pushed it open and stormed inside. Uncontrolled anger had me slamming it behind me, then I flicked the deadbolt before throwing my messenger bag across the tiny foyer. I wanted to cry. No, I needed to cry, but I was so angry that the tears wouldn't come.

I'd barely made it into the living room when I heard the lock tumble, and I closed my eyes as my temper flared. Why didn't the guys ever listen to me? Sometimes they really could be a bunch of overbearing pains in the asses. "What in the hell do you think you're doing, Lester?" I asked without turning back to look at the door. "You can't just let yourself in whenever you feel like it?"

"I wouldn't have had to if you would have stopped to talk to me back at Rangeman, like I asked."

Now I did turn to face him. "What part of I didn't want to talk did you not get?"

His brow knit and he closed the door behind him but remained in place. "I was worried about you."

"Why?" I asked as I struggled to suck in a measured breath. After the things he'd said to me back at Haywood, I couldn't fathom why he would bother following me. "After all, you said I was just being stubborn and dramatic."

He at least had the decency to look remorseful for his comment. "I'm sorry. Maybe that was the wrong choice of words, but I didn't want you to leave."

"Why?" I challenged again. "Why do you even care?"

"Why wouldn't I care?" he repeated, his voice raising in defense.

He knew me well enough by now to understand I was in the mood to fight. So why was he still here? Why was he enabling me? "Oh right…I get it-" I lifted a shaky hand to my temple. "You care because of how this situation will impact Rangeman or maybe you care because you're worried for what I'll say about your cousin. How the big bad mercenary, Ranger Manoso is really just a coward when it comes to women and his emotions."

His frown deepened as he took one slow and measured step after another toward me. "That's not fair," he replied. "I don't give a shit about Rangeman or Ric right now. I'm only worried about you."

Feeling more tired and defeated than I had in years, I dropped my hand and looked up at him. I couldn't get over the fact that he knew about Ranger's move and hadn't told me. They all had.

The feeling of betrayal ran hot through me, and I blinked back the sudden burning of tears. Damn it, I wasn't going to cry in front of him. "Don't insult me, okay? I know you don't really care about me. Nobody does."

"That's not true," he replied as he slowly inched closer. "A lot of people care about you. Me included. In fact, I care a hell of a lot more than others, but maybe you're just too damn blind to see it."

Fear and desperation had me shaking my head in denial. No man really cared about me, and Ranger had just proven that fact to be true with his sudden and secretive move back to Miami.

Every man I'd let into my life had just wanted to use me in some way. Dickie, Morelli, even Ranger. Even my own father seemed to be so detached, I often wondered if he knew I even existed. I'd always been a disappointment to my mother for not being enough 'Burg' for her. Maybe I was a disappointment to my dad because I hadn't been the son he always wanted.

"Don't do that," Lester warned, his eyes narrowing.

Desperate to keep the tears at bay, I blinked hard and sucked in ragged breath. "Do what?" I finally managed to ask.

"That self-depreciating thing you always do," he said as he stopped just inches from me. I can see it in your face, and I hate it when you put yourself down like that.

Feeling more than a little defensive, I lifted my chin and looked him in the eye. "What do you have ESP now? And why shouldn't I? After all, every man in my life that ever meant anything to me has used me."

"That's only because you've allowed them to," Lester replied.

His words hit nearly as hard as if he reached out and actually slapped me. "How dare you say that?"

"It's true," he replied, and I caught the hint of anger in his tone. "You've done it all your life, beginning with Joe Morelli."

I started to open my mouth to deny his accusation, but quickly realized I couldn't.

"You let Morelli take your virginity, then walk away without consequences," he said.

"I was sixteen," I nearly shouted. "What in the hell was I supposed to do?"

"You could have told the truth about that night," Lester yelled in return. "You could have gone to the police and reported it as a rape, because that's what it was, Beautiful. He raped you and you let him not only walk away but boast about it after the fact."

"I…" My mind reeled at his statement as I struggled to come up with a way to explain the situation, so he'd understand. "My mother would have been horrified if I'd pressed charges."

He arched a damn brow at me. God, I hate it when he does that. "The same mother who is now horrified because you're in your thirties and not married. The same mother who constantly tries to shove you back in the arms of that rapist? The same mother who wanted you to stay married to a cheater because it would be less embarrassing for her?" He snorted. "Come on, Beautiful. You've spent a good portion of your life defying your mother at every turn, so you'll have come up with a better excuse than that."

That fact that he was right frustrated the hell out of me. "I'd hoped…" I began then stopped when I realized what I was about to admit. God, it sounded so pathetic in my head. Saying it out loud would only make it sound worse.

"What?" he challenged. "That he'd make good on his actions and marry you? You've had plenty of opportunities to marry that bastard, yet you haven't. So, try another excuse."

I lowered my gaze and shook my head as the shame and heartbreak of that night flooded through me. "That if I gave him what he wanted he'd love me," I finally whispered.

"Oh, Beautiful," Lester sighed, his anger instantly extinguished with my admission. "That wasn't love. That was pure male lust and the need to conquer."

I shook my head now as I thought about the years of back and forth with Joe and unresolved need that swam inside me even now. "Joe loved me," I tried to defend.

"No, Steph, he didn't. He loved the idea of having a submissive wife and the prospect of having a gorgeous trophy on his arm. He loved the ability to be the only man who could touch you, but he didn't love you. Not the way you deserved to be loved."

The tears came now, as I considered his words and realized he was righter than I ever wanted to admit. For years, I'd continued to go back to Joe because I'd been desperate for someone to love me. Each time I would realize at some point he really didn't and leave, only to return again and again hoping for a different result.

I believe Einstein referred to that as an act of insanity.

"Ranger loves me," I finally whispered, hoping to change the focus off Joe.

"He does." Lester surprised me by agreeing. "He loves you very much. You've become one of his best friends over the last couple of years, but, baby, he isn't in love with you."

I shook my head again as his words fell over me like tiny bombs, exploding on impact. "That's not true. He…" I couldn't even finish the sentence. Ranger loved me in his own way and until we'd had our talk, that way had been with a condom and a promise to always protect me and nothing more.

"You know as well as I do, that if he really and truly loved you in that way, he wouldn't have agreed to just be friends and he would have stayed in Trenton instead of returning to Miami."

As the tears continued to trickle down my cheeks, I watched Lester's blurry image approach. He closed the remaining distance between us and using his thumbs brushed the tears from my cheeks. "You didn't really love him, Steph."

"How do you know?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

"You loved the idea of him. Of taming the big bad Ranger Manoso and calling him yours. If you truly had taken the time to think about it, you would have realized the relationship you wanted with him was never going to happen."

"I did realize it," I said with resolve in my voice.

"You did?"

I nodded. "I realized it a couple of months after Joe and I broke up for the last time, but I was desperate to have Ranger in my life. Even if it was just as a friend." I sucked in a shuddering breath. "God, that sounds pathetic when I say it out loud."

"It's not pathetic," Les replied. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to have good friends."

I snorted at his statement. "Apparently none of my friends, including Ranger are as good I as I thought."

"Why would you say that?" he asked. '"You have tons of friends."

"True friends would have told me that Ranger was leaving. True friends wouldn't have tried to hide his departure from me."

"Maybe a true friend knew you couldn't handle that kind of news," he shot back. "Maybe a true friend knew that the distance would do you both some good."

His statement had Rhino Steph returning. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you need to take off the rose-colored glasses and stop pretending that he might still change."

"I'm not pretending anything," I replied.

"Aren't you?" he challenged. "Don't you dare try to tell me that when you don't like a situation or when something happens that makes you unhappy, you don't pretend it doesn't exist. You are the fucking queen of denial land."

His statement had me narrowing my gaze. "Nice. Real nice. If all you came over to do was insult me, you can leave now."

"God damn it Stephanie," he snapped.

"Well, since you used my full name, I guess I succeeded in pissing you off too. So, why don't you just disappear like every other man in my life?"

He raked a hand though his hair as he stared down at me, his eyes filled with frustration and something else I couldn't quite identify. "I'm not going to let you push me away like you do everyone else. It's time for you to stop this vicious cycle of self-deprecation and abuse, grow up and step-out of denial land once and for all."

Before I could stop myself, I lifted my hand and pulled back only to have his big paw wrap around my wrist. In two steps, he had me backed against the wall with my hand above my head, holding it in place. He shifted, pressing his body more firmly against me as he lowered his head. His lips brushed along the side of my cheek and his teeth nipped at my ear as he murmured "Wanna try that again, Beautiful?"