So I changed my mind about only 2 chapter because I decided we need to see Lester's POV too.
Lester's POV
Freshly showered and free of the stale chili stench, I made my way into Tank's office to let him know we'd completed our captures for the day.
I knocked on the door and waited for him to look up. He took a second to assess me as his lips tipped into a grin. "Your hair is wet."
"One of Beautiful's regular skips decided that he wasn't ready to go back to jail and threw his food at us in a bid to get away."
The big man almost laughed. "What was it this time?"
"A bowl of chili and a jumbo soda."
He shook his head. "Only Steph. I'm guessing she headed home already to grab a shower?"
I eased into the chair across from his desk. "Actually, she said something about not wanting to get her car all disgusting with food. She said she still had some clothes in Ranger's closet. So, she was going to head up to Seven to shower first."
His eyes immediately widened, and a look of panic crossed his face. "She what?"
My brow knit at his reaction. Why was Steph using Ranger's shower a big deal? It wasn't as if the man was even here. "She's using Ranger's shower," I repeated.
"Fuck!" He scrubbed a hand over his face.
His expletive had my back stiffening in response. "What's wrong with her using his shower?"
"Ranger called right after you guys left at lunch time," he replied.
"So?" I asked and using my hand, motioned to him for more information.
"So, he called to inform me that he's decided to stay in Miami and that he'd already sent Louis and Ella up to Seven to pack up his apartment and ship the balance of his belongings."
"Fuck!" I echoed his earlier expletive as I collapsed back in the chair and ran my hands through my still wet hair. "Why in the hell would he do that?"
Tank mimicked my move, rubbing a hand over his bald head. "I don't know. He wouldn't give me an actual answer. He only said that it was for the best and to tell you, that this was your chance."
Shit!
He frowned as he dropped his hand. "What did he mean by this was your chance?"
Before I could answer, Steph appeared in the doorway, her face was a mixture of fear and concern. "What's going on with Ranger's apartment? Why are furniture covers over everything?"
I slid a sideways look at Tank, who look like a deer in headlights. Shit. This wasn't going to go over well. Steph shifted, pushing off the door frame and folding her arms across her chest as she looked between us then settled her attention back on Tank. "What the fuck is going on? What aren't you telling me, Tank?"
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Ranger has decided to stay and work out of the Miami office permanently."
Her body jerked as if his words had physically struck her and her eyes widened as the shock of what he said settled over her. "He what?"
Oh, this wasn't good. I could already see her winding up for a fight and pushed up from my chair in an attempt to diffuse the situation. "Now before you get upset," I started to say, only to have her cut me off with a raised hand.
"Don't you dare tell me not to get upset." She angled her attention back Tank. "Am I the only one who wasn't told of this change?"
Since I honestly didn't know who besides Tank, Ella and Louis and now myself, knew, I remained quiet and waited for Tank to answer. Her question was met with silence from him, and I found myself getting just a bit angry. Who else did know already? "I see," she said as she began to back away from his doorway.
The shock on her face quickly slid into hurt and my heart clenched. This situation couldn't have been a bigger cluster fuck if we tried. "Steph," I tried again, only to have her shake her head at me.
"Don't, Les. Just don't."
"Don't what?" I asked as I advanced on her. Being her partner for the last six months, I'd learned just how hard I could push her before she completely snapped. Right now, I desperately needed to diffuse this situation before got any worse.
"Don't tell me not to get upset or that I don't understand, okay. I understand more than you think."
Unfortunately, rhino Steph decided to make an appearance and she had dragged victim Steph with her. I thought we'd managed to banish her when she kicked Morelli to the curb and started working here full time. I was definitely going to hate myself for what I was about to do. "Okay, then how about not being so dramatic?" I replied and tried to hide my wince when her eyes widened in response. "If you'd just stop and listen for a minute…"
"Dramatic?" she repeated her voice hot with anger. "You think being upset because one of your best friends disappears and doesn't tell you is being dramatic?"
"It's not like that," I said. Okay, maybe calling her dramatic hadn't been such a good move on my part, but I was growing desperate. "If you would just listen to me for a second, I can explain."
She shook her head as she continued to back away. "Why?" she asked. "So, you can try and make up some excuse to justify his actions?"
No way would I ever defend the stupid decisions my cousin made pertaining to her. Still, her refusal to even listen was only serving to piss me off. "Stop being so fucking stubborn," I growled and watched her spine snap to attention. Double Shit! This entire situation was quickly getting FUBAR and my temper certainly wasn't helping. Trying again, I took a deep breath and said in an even tone. "Just listen for a sec."
She continued to shake her head and back away. "I'm done."
My brow knit at those two little words as a sliver of fear rooted deep in my belly. "What do you mean you're done?"
"I mean, I'm not going to have this conversation right now. My shift is over, and I think I need to be alone for a while. I'll see you on Monday," she said as she turned and headed for the elevator. At the last minute, she diverted to the stairs, practically running down the steps. Well hell. She must have realized if she took the elevator, I could be down the stairs and waiting for her before it opened again.
I rushed forward and looked over the railing, only to catch a glimpse of her curly hair already a full floor below me. All that training she'd been doing had paid off in more than one way. Realizing I was quickly running out of options, I called out. "Steph please wait." The desperation in my voice echoed through the stairwell even as I took off down the stairs after her.
I was halfway across the parking garage when she peeled her car out of its parking spot and raced for the gate, leaving me in her wake. Now what in the hell was I supposed to do?
If I headed back inside, there was a good possibility I just might pop Tank right in the mouth for not letting both of us know sooner. If Ranger called right after lunch, that was a solid four hours ago. He could have called me or Steph to fill us in while we were out. Maybe I'd call his ass to the mats tomorrow instead. My cousin was fucking lucky he was in Florida, because as pissed as I am at him right now, I'd definitely be meeting his ass on the mats in the morning. Instead, I headed for my car, climbed in and sat there for a minute as I tried to gather my thoughts.
Maybe leaving her alone was actually what she needed right now? I smirked at that thought as I started the engine. No way was I leaving her alone when she was this upset. I paired my phone to the Bluetooth then called Ranger. He had a lot of fucking explaining to do.
"Yo," he answered as I pulled out of the garage.
"What the fuck, Primo," I shouted at him.
"I take it Tank told you," he said.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "Better yet, why didn't you tell Beautiful?"
"Tank was supposed to explain everything to you," he replied.
"He didn't get a chance," I said.
"Why not?"
I glanced both ways before making a left. "We had an unfortunate run in with a skip this afternoon that left both of us needing to clean up. The moment we got back to Haywood, she headed for Seven to shower."
"Fuck!" Ranger murmured.
"Exactly," I replied. "I think Tank said the same thing when he realized where she went. Before he could tell me everything, she showed up in his doorway demanding answers."
"Why didn't he give them to her," Ranger snapped.
"I don't fucking know," I shouted in return. "I barely knew what the fuck was going on when she completely lost it."
"Where is she now?" he asked.
"I think she's headed back to her apartment," I replied. "I'm on my way there to try and talk to her, but Primo, I need to know why?"
"It's better for the two of you if I'm out of the picture for a while," he said.
My brow knit and I glanced at the screen as if somehow, he could see my face. "What in the hell do you mean by that?"
"You've been her partner for six months, knowing the entire time how she really feels about you. Yet nothing has happened."
"So?"
"So, she's firmly entrenched herself in denial land and is purposely hiding from her feelings."
"Why would she do that?" I asked.
"I guarantee you she's afraid of screwing up things," he replied. "She's afraid of coming between you and me and she's afraid that if you reject her, she'll have lost her friendship with you. One thing I've learned about Babe is she'll sacrifice her need for an actual relationship to save a friendship."
I pulled into her parking lot, spotted her car and angled next to it. As expected, it was empty, meaning she was already locked inside her second-floor apartment. "I still don't get how you moving to Miami helps this situation any."
"It helps in two ways," Ranger replied. "First, is out of sight out of mind. Not having me there relieves some of the pressure she might be feeling. Second, is it will spur her emotions."
I snorted at that. "Mission accomplished. She's fucking pissed and really hurt."
"Which means her true feeling are sitting at the surface," he replied. "She can't keep them buried when she's overly emotional. This is your chance, Les. You're going to need to push her into an emotional corner and she's going to fight you tooth and nail, but if you can get past her defenses, you might be able to get her to admit her true feelings."
I sighed long and deep at that. "Are you sure about this?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you sure you really want to let her go?" I asked even as I prayed that he wouldn't change his mind.
"I love her with everything I have," Ranger said. "And I'd give my life for hers in a second, but we both know I won't ever be able to give her the life she wants or deserves. You can."
"Just know," I warned. "If I do this, there's no changing your mind later. Because, I have no intention of ever letting her go."
"Good," he replied. "We both know how special she is and if I can't have her, knowing you can and will do everything you can to not only protect her, but make her happy will give me some comfort."
I looked up at the window I knew was her bedroom. "I'm sitting in her parking lot."
"Go get her, Primo. We both know that she loves you. So go make her happy."
"Are you ever going to come back to Trenton?" I asked.
"Maybe," he replied. "But not until I know you two are firmly established as a couple."
Before I could reply, he hung up. I shut off the car, then scrubbed my hands over my face. I'd wanted her damn near the first time I set eyes on her. Finding out she was in love with me had been a shock and only left me wanting her more, but she didn't know that I knew. Now, Ranger was giving me the chance to make my dream happen.
I exited my car, beeped it locked then jogged into the building. No way would she let me if I knocked, which meant I'd have to use the spare key. I unlocked the door while praying she hadn't set the chain. When it opened without resistance, I gave quick and short-lived sigh of relief.
She stood in her living room with her back to me. "What in the hell do you think you're doing, Lester?" She asked without turning back to look at me. "You can't just let yourself in whenever you feel like it?"
"I wouldn't have had to if you would have stopped to talk to me back at Rangeman, like I asked."
Now she did turn to face me. "What part of I didn't want to talk did you not get?"
My brow knit as I let the door close behind me. "I was worried about you."
"Why?" she asked, her voice shaky. "After all, you said I was just being stubborn and dramatic."
Awe hell. I knew those words would come back to bite me in the ass and did my best to look apologetic as I said, "I'm sorry. Maybe that was the wrong choice of words, but I didn't want you to leave."
"Why?" she challenged. "Why do you even care?" I could clearly hear the hurt in her voice, and it set my nerves on edge. The last thing I wanted was to see her in pain.
"Why wouldn't I care?" I repeated, feeling just a bit defensive.
"Oh right…I get it-" She lifted a hand to her temple, and I noted how her fingers shook. "You care because of how this situation will impact Rangeman or maybe you care because you're worried for what I'll say about your cousin. How the big bad mercenary, Ranger Manoso is really just a coward when it comes to women and his emotions."
After partnering with her for so long, I knew when she was looking for a fight. Right now, she was desperately trying to bait me. Well, I had news for her…if she wanted a fight, she was about to get a whole lot more than she bargained. I let my frown deepen as I took a slow and measured step toward her. "That's not fair," he replied. "I don't give a shit about Rangeman or Ric right now. I'm only worried about you."
Her hand dropped away from her head and for a moment she appeared more tired and defeated looking than I'd seen her in a very long time. Her blue eyes deepened as they began to water. Please don't cry! I'm not sure if I could continue to push her if she started crying. "Don't insult me, okay? I know you don't really care about me. Nobody does."
Her words were like tiny arrows that pierced my heart. How could she think that I didn't care about her? "That's not true," I replied as inched closer. The need to wrap her in a hug dueled with Ranger's words from our earlier conversation. How could I push her like he said when all I wanted to do was comfort her? "A lot of people care about you. Me included. In fact, I care a hell of a lot more than others, but maybe you're just too damn blind to see it."
For a split second, her eyes widened before she began shaking her head and I watched as her look turned contemplative, almost melancholy. Damn it, I knew where her mind was headed and no way was I going to let her fall down the rabbit hole of depression and self-pity. "Don't do that," I warned, narrowing my gaze.
I could see her fighting back the tears as she sucked in ragged breath. "Do what?" she finally managed to ask.
"That self-depreciating thing you always do," I said as advanced on her, stopping mere inches from where she stood. "I can see it in your face, and I hate it when you put yourself down like that."
A tiny bit of her fire returned as she lifted her chin in defiance and met my gaze. "What, do you have ESP now? And why shouldn't I? After all, every man in my life that ever meant anything to me has used me."
Push her! I could hear Ranger's voice, yelling at me. If you really want her, you're going to have to break down her walls. "That's only because you've allowed them to," I replied and tried not to wince at the harshness of my tone.
She jerked as if I'd actually slapped her, but just a bit more of her fire returned. "How dare you say that?"
"It's true," I replied allowing my anger and frustration to lace my words. "You've done it all your life, beginning with Joe Morelli."
During one of our longer surveillance jobs, we'd got caught up talking about our pasts and she'd told me about her encounter with Morelli at the Tasty Pastry when she was just sixteen. I'd known some of the story from Ranger, but she'd gone into more detail about that night and the weeks that followed, leaving me wanting to kill the bastard. When I'd asked her why she'd continued to go back to him, she hadn't been able to give me a good answer.
She started to open her mouth then closed it again without a word. Whether she knew I was right, or she didn't really know what to say, I wasn't sure, but I wasn't about to let the topic go so easily. "You let Morelli take your virginity, then walk away without consequences," I said.
"I was sixteen," she all but shouted in return. "What in the hell was I supposed to do?"
"You could have told the truth about that night," I yelled, then took a quick breath and tried to measure my tone as I continued. "You could have gone to the police and reported it as a rape, because that's what it was, Beautiful. He raped you and you let him not only walk away but boast about it after the fact."
"I…My mother would have been horrified if I'd pressed charges."
I arched a brow at her lame excuse. I know she hates it when we do that and if it pissed her off, so be it. "The same mother who is now horrified because you're in your thirties and not married," I challenged, then pressed on before she could answer. "The same mother who constantly tries to shove you back in the arms of that rapist? The same mother who wanted you to stay married to a cheater because it would be less embarrassing for her?" I gave my last question a snort. "Come on, Beautiful. You've spent a good portion of your life defying your mother at every turn, so you'll have come up with a better excuse than that."
"I'd hoped…" she began then stopped. What wasn't she telling me? What was it she didn't want to admit?
"What?" I asked. "That he'd make good on his actions and marry you? You've had plenty of opportunities to marry that bastard, yet you haven't. So, try another excuse."
She broke her stare and lowered her gaze to the floor as she shook her head. "That if I gave him what he wanted he'd love me," she whispered.
Her words had my heart shattering into a million pieces and with it all my anger and frustration dissipated. "Oh, Beautiful," I sighed. "That wasn't love. That was pure male lust and the need to conquer."
She shook her head. "Joe loved me," she said, but her words didn't hold any conviction behind them. At this point, she couldn't even convince herself.
"No, Steph, he didn't. He loved the idea of having a submissive wife and the prospect of having a gorgeous trophy on his arm. He loved the ability to be the only man who could touch you, but he didn't love you. Not the way you deserved to be loved."
The tears she'd been so bravely battling back, came now and I fought the need to comfort her. Right now, she was vulnerable and off balance. As much as I hated seeing her like this, if I pushed just a little more, maybe her defenses would finally crumble.
"Ranger loves me," she whispered in what I could only assume was a vain attempt to try and move the focus off Morelli.
"He does," I replied, knowing what she said was true. "He loves you very much. You've become one of his best friends over the last couple of years, but, baby, he isn't in love with you."
She vehemently shook her head again "That's not true. He…" she let her words trail off again.
I tried again, knowing that the truth of what I was about to say would open her wound even more. "You know as well as I do, that if he really and truly loved you in that way, he wouldn't have agreed to just be friends and he would have stayed in Trenton instead of returning to Miami."
I closed the remaining distance between us and using my thumbs brushed the tears from her cheeks. "You didn't really love him, Steph."
"How do you know?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"You loved the idea of him. Of taming the big bad Ranger Manoso and calling him yours. If you truly had taken the time to think about it, you would have realized the relationship you wanted with him was never going to happen."
"I did realize it," she said with resolve in her voice.
Her admission caught me off guard. "You did?"
She nodded. "I realized it a couple of months after Joe and I broke up for the last time, but I was desperate to have Ranger in my life. Even if it was just as a friend." She sucked in a shuddering breath. "God, that sounds pathetic when I say it out loud."
"It's not pathetic," I replied. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to have good friends."
She snorted. "Apparently none of my friends, including Ranger are as good I as I thought."
"Why would you say that?" I asked, wondering where she was going with that line of thinking. "You have tons of friends."
"True friends would have told me that Ranger was leaving. True friends wouldn't have tried to hide his departure from me."
"Maybe a true friend knew you couldn't handle that kind of news," I replied as I thought about what Ranger had said. "Maybe a true friend knew that the distance would do you both some good."
Her head snapped up and I could see rhino Steph returning. Good. It's much easier for me to push her when she's angry. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you need to take off the rose-colored glasses and stop pretending that he might still change."
"I'm not pretending anything," she replied.
"Aren't you?" I challenged. "Don't you dare try to tell me that when you don't like a situation or when something happens that makes you unhappy, you don't pretend it doesn't exist. You are the fucking queen of denial land."
She narrowed her gaze on me. "Nice. Real nice. If all you came over to do was insult me, you can leave now."
God, she could be so infuriating, and I could feel my control starting to slip. "God damn it Stephanie," I snapped.
"Well, since you used my full name, I guess I succeeded in pissing you off too. So, why don't you just disappear like every other man in my life?"
I raked a hand though my hair as I stared down at her. If I had any hope of making a life with her, this was an argument I had to win. "I'm not going to let you push me away like you do everyone else. It's time for you to stop this vicious cycle of self-deprecation and abuse, grow up and step-out of denial land once and for all."
In an instant, she lifted her hand and pulled back. Before she could do more, I caught her wrist in my hand and in two steps, I had her backed against the wall with my hand holding hers above her head. Purposely, I shifted, pressing my body more firmly against her as I lowered my head. Taking the opportunity, I brushed my mouth along the side of her cheek then moved to nip at her ear. "Wanna try that again, Beautiful?"
