For a long time, Peter just sat there, weeping bitterly. He was so inconsolable that he barely felt Happy's hand on his shoulder as the man sat down next to him. He was feeling so much inside himself: anger, guilt, but mostly sadness. It felt as though someone had reached inside of him and yanked his heart out.
Eventually, Peter reached a point where his body simply did not have the energy to produce tears anymore; he was weak to the point where he required Happy's help to get him to stand.
"Come on," Happy gently urged, pulling at his arm. Peter was borderline delirious at this point, but managed to accept the man's help, standing to his feet. He then felt Happy's other arm come around his side, guiding him towards the car the man had parked on the side of the road. As they approached the vehicle, Happy opened the passenger seat for him, helping him get settled into the vehicle. The man then came around, got in the driver seat, started the car without saying another word. As they drove off, Peter's eyes strayed over to the mirror on his side, watching as Ned's house grew more and more distant, only making his loss sink in even more.
The car ride was silent for its entirety. It was ironic; here Peter was with his first contact with another human, a living being of any kind even in the past few days but couldn't bring himself to say anything. The pain, the sense of loss that was still sinking in was all consuming, blocking out any other thoughts from entering his mind. Peter wasn't even sure how long they'd been on the road when the car finally came to a stop, but he didn't even look to see where they were. He heard Happy get out, and after a moment, his door was open.
"Come on kid," Happy urged. It was strange; at first, the man said those words in what was almost a demeaning way, but here, all this time later, it was as soft and as kind as it had ever been.
Slowly, Peter unbuckled himself and got out of the car. It took about everything he had physically as well as mentally to get out of the vehicle. He was worn down all the way to his soul, so he was grateful when Happy gently grabbed him by the arm to help him along. It was at that point that Peter finally looked up and realized they were at an apartment building in Manhattan. He didn't ask any questions though, accepting Happy's guidance as they entered the front doors of the building and went straight to the elevator. They got in, and Happy pressed the button for the 15th floor.
A short ride later, Happy lead Peter down the hallway briefly before stopping at the third door on the left side. Peter glanced as Happy took out a key ring, searching through to find the right key. Seeing the man fiddle with his keys might have been amusing on any other day... just not today. Eventually, he did find the right one and unlocked the door in front of them, Peter following behind Happy as they entered the room. He stepped ahead of the man, glancing around at the small space around them. There was a small kitchen just to the right, and a small living space to the left, with a TV and one couch.
"I know it's not much," Happy said as he closed the door, "but... I mean I figured..."
"It's fine Happy," Peter muttered, his voice devoid of emotion at this point. "Thank you."
"I do have one spare room," Happy said. "It's that room to the right there. Mine is on the left."
Peter said nothing in response, simply giving a quick nod in acknowledgement before drudging his way over to the room. There wasn't much in it, save for a bed, a desk and curtains on the windows. Not that this really bothered Peter; he was used to not having much anyway. The suits Mr. Stark had gifted him with were likely worth more money than he would've ever made the rest of his life.
Besides, he didn't really care about much right now anyway. He simply walked over to the bed and, exhausted on all levels, collapsed onto it. It didn't take long for sleep to overtake him as he laid there, still as a rock.
Peter jolted awake, taking breaths. He'd had so many nightmares and bad dreams in general by now that he would've thought that he'd be used to it by now. But seeing everyone he loved disappear anew felt just as fresh every time he relived it. He ran his hands over his face before hearing the door open, seeing Happy step in.
"Oh good, you're finally awake," Happy said. "You hungry? I thought I remembered you liked Italian, so I tried my hand at some, if you want it."
The truth was that Peter was starving, his body basically screaming for food, but he wasn't all that motivated. Still, the man was kind enough to make some for him, on top of taking him in for the time being, so he figured he should oblige him.
"Thanks," he managed to get out as he got up, slowly walking out of the room. Despite his enhanced physical attributes, none of Peter's moves were any quicker than they needed to be right now.
He entered the room to find some spaghetti on a plate, topped with some meat sauce, sitting on the small table in the kitchen area.
"Yeah, it's not anything fancy," Happy said.
"It's fine," Peter said. His words lacked their usual liveliness, instead coming out very dry. Maybe it was because he was still in shock from everything, or perhaps it was that he simply was that tired, or a combination of it all. Even getting to the table felt like an exhausting chore, but he forced himself there anyway, if nothing else not to appear ungrateful.
As Peter sat down and started eating, Happy took a seat across from him. For a while, not a word was spoken between them, which was perfectly fine by Peter. Still, every time he glanced up at him, he could see that the man wanted to say something, but kept it in. He had a feeling he knew what Happy wanted to ask, but he really didn't want to talk about it.
"So, I'm guessing you're the only one who, you know, made it back?"
Even that simple question brought up so many emotions in Peter. It made him upset that Happy was asking a question to which the answer was obvious, seeing as he was the only one who had returned. On the other hand, he knew that Happy and Mr. Stark were good friends, so it was only fair that Peter should help give the man some closure. Then again, if he had just been quick enough with getting the gauntlet off...
"Yes," Peter answered before his mind could get too far down a bad place. "Everyone else..."
"It's okay kid," Happy quickly replied. "I'm sorry for bringing it up, I just..."
"I know," Peter said quickly. "You wanted to know for sure. I would too."
Peter caught a glance of Happy offering a light smile. "I appreciate it," the man said, to which Peter only offered a small nod in return before taking another bite of his food. It wasn't the best he'd ever had, but it wasn't bad either. May could make some wonderful Italian, but it was unfair for him to hold Happy to that standard. Besides, that was about the only thing she could cook; she burnt pretty much anything else...
Oh man. May.
Just the thought of his aunt caused Peter to feel a huge swell inside, like a tidal wave getting ready to crash over him. Fresh tears threatened to form in his eyes, but he fought them back as best he could. He was getting so sick of crying; he had done more than his fair share over the course of the last few days, and even more so throughout his life. His parents, his uncle, and now May and Ned...
"Happy, I'm uh... I'm still kind of tired," Peter managed to get out, wiping his eyes as though he were sleepy, when it was actually to keep the tears back. "Would you mind if I took this and finished it back in the bedroom?"
"Oh yeah, sure man," Happy said, clearly accepting the situation. "No problem."
"Thanks," Peter said, grabbing his plate as he rose from his seat. Moving quicker than he had in the last several hours, he went back to the room Happy brought him to earlier, gently closing the door behind him. He set his plate down on the desk but couldn't bring himself to resume his meal, even though he was still a little hungry. Right now, all he could think about was May and Ned, and so Peter sat down on the bed, just looking at the wall, once again letting the tears fall.
For three weeks, Peter didn't leave Happy's apartment, and hardly even left his room. Some days were worse than others, but every day was hard. The first couple weeks were continuous mourning; Peter felt as though he shed enough tears during this time to fill the bay area by the docs. Despite his exhaustion, he didn't sleep very well during this time, seemingly unable to get truly comfortable. It was no fault of the bed he had, but his thoughts and feelings continuously stirring within him. When he did fall asleep though, he had nightmares almost every night. Sometimes he would jolt awake, and other times he would simply sit up and just breathe.
On the third week, Peter's feelings shifted from full on mourning to a deep sadness. He cried a lot less, but he felt numb to the world around him. Time either felt frozen or felt like it suddenly disappeared as he walked through the days. During this time, he mainly thought about how his final interactions with May and Ned had been like on that fateful day.
With May, he remembered being in a hurry that morning, having slept in accidentally due to a late patrol. He barely was able to tell his aunt good morning before he grabbed a to-go breakfast snack and headed out the door. Peter chastised himself for that, angry with himself for not taking the time to slow down and tell May that he loved her, that he was grateful for how she had always been there for him.
With Ned, Peter felt as he reflected on their friendship that he didn't express enough gratitude for his guy in the chair. Ned had helped him through so much; really, he was Peter's one true friend that he had, and he felt he didn't express appreciation for that enough. The boy was enthusiastic about everything they did together, and Peter longed for that now more than ever.
Peter's thoughts also continued to go back to the fight with Thanos on Titan. He thought about how close he came to removing the gauntlet. He remembered how he could see Thanos's thumb start to poke out; one more good yank would've surely been enough. Because of this failure, he had lost everyone he truly loved in the world, including Mr. Stark.
While Peter was grateful for Happy's hospitality, he could see how the loss of his good friend in Mr. Stark was weighing heavily on him. The man carried the sorrow as he did his best to continue with business as usual, saying that Stark Industries needed security now more than ever, a large part of which was finding new recruits, given how many people were lost in what apparently was coming to be named, "The Blip." Still, Happy would check in on Peter despite his own pain, which only made his guilt intensify, as if it weren't already about to bury him alive. Happy wouldn't even have the choice to worry about him like this if he had just taken care of business on Titan.
If he had, Mr. Stark would still be here, along with Ned and May.
"Peter?"
Peter turned around from his seat at his desk to acknowledge Happy, who had just returned from work.
"I just wanted to see if, maybe... I don't know, you wanted to get out of here or something?" the man asked.
There it was. The day had finally come when Happy would try and get him out of his room and back out into the world. Honestly, he was kind of torn about it. On the one hand, he was getting sick of seeing the same walls all the time, plus he was getting a bit stir crazy. Happy had informed him that school had been cancelled indefinitely for the rest of the academic year, so there was nothing that had really been forcing him out there. He also felt a little guilty that he hadn't been out in the city trying to help people as he had gotten so used to the last couple of years.
On the other hand, Peter wasn't sure he was ready to go out. He feared that as soon as he did, he would see frequent reminders of not only his own loss, but also the loss that billions around the world suffered because he had failed. He felt he was in no way prepared to handle that.
"No thanks Happy," Peter responded politely. "I appreciate it though."
"Okay," Happy replied. "Well, I'm going to head to the store and pick up a few things. If you change your mind, I left you a key on the counter."
"Alright," Peter said, "thanks."
Happy looked as though he wanted to say more, maybe try and push him a little harder, but opted against it, for which Peter was grateful. However, as Happy left, he began to think more on the possibility. He recalled when he didn't want to go much of anywhere after his Uncle Ben died, and how May had said that, while it was important to take time to grieve, he also needed to be able to move on with his life.
"That's the most courageous thing you can do when you lose someone you love," she had said. "To face it, acknowledge it, then go on living... you never forget it, but you persist anyway."
He knew May wouldn't want him just lounging around like this, but was he really ready for this step?
Peter debated this for almost an hour, to the point where he was pacing back and forth in the apartment. At one point, his eye caught sight of the key that Happy had mentioned leaving for him. He walked over to it and picked it up, staring at it, thinking about what it represented.
The beginning of his being able to move on.
Peter looked up towards the ceiling, as if May, Ned and Mr. Stark were looking down on him from up there, urging him on.
"Alright," he said, grabbing his jacket and heading out the door before he could change his mind.
Hope you guys are still enjoying this!
Continuing to pray for you all; stay safe and healthy!
"He is not here; He has risen, just as He said." Matthew 28:1-7
