That night at dinner Eddie and Christopher was sitting in silence and eating, then Christopher had looked at his father with teary eyes
"Why doesn't Bucky come around anymore, was it something I did?" Christopher asked. "Was it because I was bad during the tsunami?" Chris asked
"No mío no" Eddie said rushing over to embrace Chris in a hug, how could he not have seen that by keeping Buck away from Christopher he had been hurting his son as well. Eddie felt terrible.
"I wanna see Bucky, he saved me" Chris said
"I know mío, and maybe soon you'll see Buck, but right now Buck isn't feeling to good" Eddie tried to explain, not going into details about how he himself had kept Buck away and treated both Buck and Christopher unfairly by doing so, and how 'Buck not feeling well' was the understatement of the year and he knew it, but this was Christopher and the boy had already been through enough, so if Eddie could protect him just a little from the hard truth he would
"Do you think he'll feel better if I make him a get well present?" Christopher had asked with hope. "Do you think he'll come and play with me again" Chris asked and Eddie could see the hope growing in his son's eyes
"Maybe mío, maybe we can make it together and I can give it to him" Eddie had smiled
"Yeah" Christopher had squilled excitedly
When Buck woke he was surprised at how refreshed he felt, it was the first time in a long time he had slept well, but all that was forgotten as soon as his mind woke up and all the endless thoughts started, he had to get up and run, he had to keep himself busy. He got up and was immediately reminded of the broken ribs as he did so, he knew he wouldn't be able to run or work out as long as they were still so freshly broken, but that didn't mean he couldn't keep himself busy in other ways, like making breakfast for Maddie as a thank you for taking care of him. He got to work in the kitchen, he found that it actually kept his mind occupied when he was cooking, like the chess games with Maddie yesterday had to and he was surprised to learn that he could keep his mind at ease without working out, maybe there really was hope. He finished up with the cooking and making a nice serve for Maddie, there was eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes, yogurt and freshly pressed orange juice, he wanted to make a plate for himself as well, knowing it would make Maddie happy, but he couldn't, in the end he went for just making a cup of juice for himself as well, it was like it was easier for him to accept fluids than actual food. He arranged all of the food on the table for Maddie before going to wake her, when she saw all he had made her eyes widened and she looked at him
"How did you manage to do all of this?" she asked
"I wanted to make you happy" Buck shrugged
"But it must have taken you hours to make" Maddie gasped
"Are you mad?" Buck asked insecure if he had somehow offended her, the thoughts starting to well up and he started fidgeting nervously
"No no of course not, I'm just… I don't know what to say" Maddie said, a smile starting to form. "Thank you Evan" Maddie smiled at him. Buck smiled back
"I… You're welcome Maddie" Buck blushed. They sat down at the table, that's when Maddie noticed Buck hadn't prepared a plate for himself
"Don't you want some?" Maddie asked pointetly
"I'm not really all that hungry, but I made a cup of juice for myself" Buck smiled at her and showed her the cup of juice
"Oh Evan" Maddie said, getting teary eyed. Buck immediately got nervous again
Look you made her cry, you can't even do this right
The thoughts told him
"I'm… I'm sorry Maddie, I'll do better, just tell me what you need and I'll find it" Buck said, thinking he must have forgotten something on her plate
"No, I'm fine" Maddie said, drying her eyes. "Cheers" Maddie said, holding her own cup of juice up and smiling. Buck smiled back at her, still a little nervously, and took a sip of his juice to keep the smile on her face, he loved to watch her smile
You're lying to her
Nobody can help you, even if they wanted to
"You're exhausting"
Eddie's words was always the thought that sounded the loudest to him, maybe because they had actually been said out loud, maybe because they were true even if Maddie told him they weren't, maybe because it was Eddie who had said them, Buck didn't know but he knew those were the ones sounding the loudest.
"Evan, are you okay?" Maddie asked concerned, she had gotten him to sit down with her for a movie, but Buck seemed nervous and on edge. "Is it the thoughts again?" Maddie asked
"I'm sorry Mads" Buck cried. "I really am trying, I just can't do this" Buck said, got up to go for a long walk, he couldn't run because of his ribs but he could walk, he had to move
"Buck" Maddie tried, reaching out to stop him but failed
"I'm sorry Maddie, I thought I could do it but I can't" Buck cried and left
You're pathetic
No wonder the others left you at the hospital
"No Maddie had them leave" Buck said answering the thoughts, he was going crazy from not having moved, he quickened his pace, the thoughts became smaller, this was good it was working
"Buck?" he heard a small voice asking and turned around
