He remembered the walk back to the Lantern even less than he did the walk home barely an hour earlier, his feet carrying him without instruction as he focused on typing, desperate for someone to know something.

'Has anybody heard from Alex? We were supposed to meet up last night, but she never showed. I'm getting really worried.' That's it, don't cause a panic, not until you have more facts.

Eleanor being the first to respond despite the early hour and being late to bed didn't register 'Oh no! Have you tried contacting Jason?' No Eleanor, I'd thought I'd publicise my concern for all and sundry before attempting to get any form of response from the supposed police force and person who could have been the last person to see my gi – see Alex.' 'Called his cell. No response. Might try 911 soon.'

Steph's own public worry almost had him lose those last few beers. 'Shit, you serious?' Subtext, still not response? 'Yeah.' 'Dammit. Moving this to convo to text. Check your phone.'

Jed being awake before 7am wasn't unusual, he always slept badly after a late session, his formal tone though made Ryan pause 'That's troubling. Haven't seen her. Keep me posted will you?' 'Why would you have seen her? She didn't make it back to the festival, you left in the early hours, well after I'd left Alex, you weren't in the bar – '

Steph's ringtone distracted him long enough to not walk into the low branch he'd been meaning to tell Lisa about, her tone even via text no longer having the calming effect it had had earlier.

'Dude, seriously nothing from Pike?'

'Voicemail – twice. Doesn't even ring. Meet me at the bar.'

'Be there in 5.'

The sting from his knuckles as he pushed his hands into his jeans to grab the keys to the Lantern bought him out of his daze, numb fingers fumbling at getting the key into the lock and he swore as they clattered to the ground. 'Fuck.'

The door swung creaking loudly in the silence as he stepped gingerly into the bar. He'd been coming in through that door for half his life, but he'd never crossed the threshold with such trepidation before. He moved slowly into the room and made it to the booth he and Steph had ended the evening in before his legs wobbled and he had to sit down, his blood pounding in his ears.

His keys clattered to the floor as his fingers trembled as he tried to keep from running to the other end of the room to empty what was left in his stomach. Taking a slow and steady deep breath he looked up the stairs to the apartment, where he hoped his sleeping beauty was doing just that – sleeping.

He wanted to run up those steps - there's not that many - spring open the door and march up to the bed and see her peaceful face; she looked even younger than her 21 years when she slept. He'd even take finding her on the sofa, remote in hand with the TV still on, with her legs curled up, probably chilly as she'd most likely not settled under a blanket before falling asleep. He could easily pick her up and put her into bed without waking her – wouldn't be the first time – and if she sighed and settled into his arms, well he might just crawl in with her and deal with her freak out when she woke. At worst, he'd accept to finding her on the roof asleep in one of those damn rusty chairs Gabe had refused to replace, a beer by her feet where she'd dropped it. Maybe she'd gone up there to reflect, think through her options, maybe to freak out and think about leaving or to plan their next move again Typhon.

What he wanted more than anything was for her to just be up those stairs. Whatever came next, he would deal, even if she didn't want to see him again, if he'd fucked it all up before it had a chance to begin, if she wanted to leave Haven – just as long as she was safe and upstairs.

Steph found him frozen halfway up the stairs, unable to keep going.

'What the hell happened to your hand?!'

'Wall.'

He hissed and attempted to pull his hand away as Steph struggled to dab at his knuckles with antiseptic, unable to stop his hands from shaking. He hadn't heard her approach, or her fumble over the bar for the newly refilled first aid kid, but her tender grip anchored him – it was rare to see this side of Steph Gingrich.

'Did you get any sleep?'

He gaze found his way up to her face, her brow furrowed in concern, lips pursed as she tackled blood under his nails.

'Tried, but the damn birds – '

Hey, hey, breath, ok?'

'Jeez Steph, it's got to be bad when you're the calm one.'

'I'll take offense at that later.'

Her movement away from him made his chest tighten and he'd reached out to stop her before he could think why. She glanced back and softened her expression from one of confusion to empathy, the concern returning to her face calming the inferno inside.

'It's ok, I'm just gonna put this back mountain man' She spoke to him gently, reaching out to squeeze his uninjured hand, her soft voice in the gloom. He nodded but he kept her in his line of sight as she moved around the bar, inaudible cursing as she argued with the tin box of the first aid kit. She swayed gently as she leant over the bar 'Did you get any sleep?'

'Not sure I'd call an hour sleep, but it looks more than what you got. Also, Ryan, why is there a handgun behind the bar?'

'Kid threatened mum once when dad wasn't around. He sort of freaked out when she told him. It's been there years. Don't worry, he's a crap shot.'

She was back in front of him before he noticed, wrapping his trembling hands around a glass of water.

'You look like your either going to faint or throw up, neither of which I am capable of dealing with by the way.'

Warm hands rested on his knees, her green eyes searching his face. A hand moved to his grip his chin, moving his face left, then right, her inspection far more thorough than his had been before he'd smashed his mirror. It was almost impressive what 6 hours of almost constant stress and on the edge of a nervous breakdown could do to a person; dark circles dulled his eyes, the stinging he felt on the edge of his awareness meant his eyes were likely blood shot too and if the lead that had appeared his bones where anything to go by, he'd aged by a few decades overnight.

Steph's inspection ended with a small sigh and a jangle of keys; she patted his head at his questioning look as she stood up and walked past him, up towards the door he'd been so eager to enter before, that now had the power to break him.

'You'll lose your head next.'

He couldn't manage even a hint of a smile as Steph's steps slowed, the key's he'd dropped earlier swung in her hand at a pendulum pace, the gentle hum of the fridge's behind the bar melted into silence as the rest of the Lantern slipped away. Alex's door hurtled away from them, Steph's pace would never catch up, a step fell away, and his voice was lost in the silence as she tripped, a hand reaching out with nothing to catch her –

The door slammed into the wall as Steph fell through swearing blue murder - the top step had come loose. The resounding silence was deafening as no exclamations of shock, no patter of indigent footsteps, no small figure with their arms crossed and eyebrow raised came their way.

'She's not here, is she?'

He watched from his step as the realisation washed over Steph's face, colour draining from her cheeks hollowing her out. He heard her step into the apartment, her footsteps apprehensive as she put one foot in front of the other taking the 10 steps it took to get to the bed, a brief pause at step 4 to check the bathroom. His body shook as she yelled, her fear palpable at distance, her cry ripping at his chest, squeezing his heart, his whole-body wincing at a loud thud, then another before silence.

Steph's silence had yanked him to his feet propelling him up the stairs and through the door without a second thought. He found her pacing, phone in one hand, the other pulling at her hair.

'Call her, or text her, whatever, want to see if her phone is here.'

He didn't need prompting, throwing his hand into his own pocket pulling up his messages. 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon – pick up, pick up.' Steph's muttering got louder with each unanswered call with no corresponding vibration to give her guidance.

7:08am. 'How has it only been 6 hours? '

He shook his head, stopping his mind from doing the maths to count the exact minutes since he'd last been in this room, held her close, that last sensual kiss full of her promise before he'd walked away, leaving Alex to a fate he wasn't willing to comprehend.

7:09am: 'Alex? Please pick up.'

The gasp behind him had him jump out of his skin before watching Steph's face fall. Confused he looked down and 'Ah' - he'd messaged their group chat and given Steph a sliver of hope. He could see her nails digging into her palm as she tapped away furiously with the other.

7:09am: 'Just let us know you're okay as soon as you can. I'm pretty sure you just lost your phone, but Ryan is freaking out.'

The ping of his phone halted his marching, an arched brow, a tilt of his head a silent thought 'Really Steph?'

7:09am: 'Okay, we're both freaking out.'

'I'm supposed to keep people safe, keep you safe, I promised Gabe you would be here, swore there was nothing here that could hurt you. Please, just let me hear your voice – '

7:09am: 'We just want to make sure you're safe, call us.'

'Where are you?'

7:09am: 'Alex?'

This was his time of day – normally.

It was unusual for early morning joggers to not come across him out and about, eyes taking in the world around him, a world that he knew by heart, that he ventured out into with the dawn, before the world woke and could encroach on his solitude. His mum had found peace and clarity with her hands in the dirt, teaching him the stillness the came with daybreak. Since her death, he'd found his own bliss in the quality of light that filled the sky, in the pine that fills the air, the buzz of insects, chirps of birds he can name by heart, the beauty of each glade, trail, lake and mountain view that was the same but new each time. The knowledge of home and sense of belonging a balm to any mood.

Today, he wondered if Mrs Reynolds would notice his absence, she never let a good party stop her morning run. Would George be concerned his not-so-secret morning treat was nowhere to be found?

Was Alex hoping he'd find her?

'Tell me again.'

'Steph' he warned over his beer, 'Fuck it, it's 5pm somewhere.'

'Ryan' His gut twists at the unfamiliar plead in his friends' voice, the fear in her stance pulling at his insides until he gave a soft sigh.

From his seat on the top step, he kept his gaze below her knees, the small table beside her far more engaging. He couldn't look up at her, could not face seeing the panic in her eyes, the tightness of her mouth, her fingertips white as she crossed her arms over her chest, her foot tapping him into madness as she leant against the wall opposite him. The wall he'd pushed Alex against earlier, the wall he'd knelt in front of with her leg over his shoulder, learning how she tasted.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat with a sip of his drink, his voice hoarse as he gave her the abridged version of events even as they flashed before his eyes.

'I texted her at about 11 asking to meet me after the show, she met me on the roof I don't know, 10-15 minutes later. I'd planted a tree for her, to give her something to show she has a home here, if she wants it. Fuck, even made a pun about putting roots down in Haven, tried to help her see what her future can look like. You better keep an eye on your job by the way. Made her blush - ,' He chuckled to himself ' - enjoy making her speechless, that I can catch her off guard like that. She looked so beautiful, still buzzing from the show, the lights were soft on her face, your music floating in the background, and I told her…. told her how much she means to me, and I just wanted – needed to kiss her. She kissed me instead.'

He was thankful Steph let his silence hang in the air as he mentally composed himself for the next string of white lies.

'We stayed on the roof for a while, just… just seeing each other differently – '

'Her hands were warm against his waist, her face lifting and her lips finding the perfect fit against his. His hand reached round her waist, pulling her in, the other losing itself in her hair, tilting her head hearing that small sigh of hers that melted his insides. He leant forwards, putting her back on solid footing, his hand cupping her cheek, relishing in the softness of her skin, the other clutching at her t-shirt. She pushed herself further into him and his body hummed at the sensation of having her body against his.

He whispered her name against her lips as they pulled back, resting foreheads together, breathless. He could hear her smile.

'I – I care about you too Ryan. I've not – I've never – felt like this…safe. I feel safe with you.'

He'd always been better at actions than words. He tilted her chin for another soaring kiss, his grip on her top pulling it from her skirt and then he was touching the bare skin of her waist, sober this time and she oh so willing. Her gasp into the kiss allowed him deeper access to her mouth and as their tongues met, hers fighting his with fire of her own, her touch argued with his plaid until she found the bare skin of his chest and his desire snapped. He pulled her ever closer, hands sliding down her sides, to her slim hips, bending enough to cup his hands under her arse lifting her up as she swung her legs around his waist. He tore his lips from hers as he groaned into her hair as he rocked his hips into her, her own moans against his ear.

He shoved them against the wall, the Colorado flag brief padding against the harsh wood. He should have stopped, let them talk, let them think, but she'd moaned his name against his lips and his kisses descended into desperation. A hand reached under her top and found her breast, her breathing shallow as she arched her back into his touch, her nipple hard as he rolled it between his fingers. 'Fuck, Alex, I've wanted you for weeks.'

She ground herself on his arousal between them, fingers buried deep in his hair. She looked directly at him, pupils dilated, a low gasp as his hips rocked into her. 'I wanted to kiss you at the ravine that day. Kinda wanted to kiss you in the record store too. Had planned too at the end of our day biking, if you know, I hadn't stacked it.' He let out a whimper and he squeezed the breast beneath his hand, his touch distracting her. Her lips found his in a languid kiss as she moaned. Forcing her lips to his ear she found her voice, breathless and wanting. 'I want you Ryan, fuck I'm so wet just for you, Ryan – please – I want you.'

He'd learnt early on how much he enjoyed hearing dirty words breathed into his ear, but even he wasn't prepared for just how hard he could get, as her silky voice boldly told him to take her; he exhaled sharply, dropping his head into her neck, hips thrusting driving his name from her lips. 'I want you, Ranger Lucan.'

The playful tease to her voice snapped any semblance of calm he had left and with a deep growl he kissed her hard shoving them away from the wall and moved towards the door – '

' - Then came down here, and, you know, didn't want to go back to the real world, just wanted to stay here. Shit Steph, yea I've fallen hard and I just wanted to stay in our little new world, screw reality, we could figure that out. Reality did come back though, she needed to speak to Pike, so I left her here and then you called. Now it's just the next – ' A glance of the clock on the wall showed 7:35am – '6 and a half hours we need to work out.'

The foot tapping stopped, and he pulled his stare from the clock to the sight of Steph moving to sit next to him, shoving his shoulder with hers, hiding her face behind her hair 'Wait, where's her beanie?' her own gaze pulled further into the room, her warm hand squeezing his knee.

'That version was only mostly full of shit.'

She gave his knee another pat as he stared after her, mouth working silently as his mind ran through the words that had left him trying to spot the gaps Steph had found. 'Shit, did I say anything earlier in the park, or downstairs?'

'Steph?'

She ignored his call, and he watched his friend warily as she pulled down cups and rummaged through cupboards pulling out the coffee Gabe had only bought for Charlotte.

She at least waited until he'd put down the beer and taken a sip from the bitter drink she offered before providing the evidence to her theory.

'Just ''talking'' did not give you that impressive looking hickey; condom wrapper on the bedside table and do you honestly think I don't know what a guy looks like when they've just been delightfully ravaged? I'm gay not blind dude.'

He froze, his mind going blank. His lips part to make any semblance of a response but he ended up staring in slack-jawed shock. Steph had a mischievous glint in her eye, at odds with the worry lines framing her face.

'I…uh….it…well….' she sat next to him and threw her arm around him and pulled him close, his head dropping to her shoulder. She wasn't angry or disappointed and was not saying Gabe would hate him or kill him, not in that order. 'It happened so quickly.'

Her hair obscured his view as she leant her head against him, her murmur rumbling through his skull.

'She's got to be special for you to be in love already.'

He almost dropped his coffee as he threw himself to his feet, whirring round to stare at her, reversing their earlier positions. Her eyes were pleased, there was no judgement on her face, just the steely look she used when she waited for someone to argue with her flawless logic. His heart hammered in his chest, he felt lightheaded, and his stomach churned. He reached out a hand to steady himself on the wall behind him. His touch lands on the poster on the wall, where the torn edges are new. She must have grabbed onto it when –

'Doesn't really feel like that's relevant right now, to be honest.'

His voice broke as he saw red, marching through the apartment, the smashing of china echoing in the distance. He knocked into the table, jigsaw pieces dropping to the floor. A chair was thrown into the corner, smashing on the chest, pieces ending up in the fireplace. He reached for the bookcase; arms tensed ready to throw each shelf to the floor –

Her face smiled brightly up at him from the polaroid she'd stuck up, flanked by them both. An un steady hand out to stroke her features - he remembered this night, an early night in their friendship when he'd started to learn how loud the small woman could be. Her smile was the end of a laugh - had he made her laugh, or had it been his dad who had no doubt taken the picture? Would he hear her laugh again?

With a growl the bookcase went crashing to the ground, the boom reverberating throughout the room.

His chest heaved, the sudden rage leaving him empty and cold. The smell of incense reached him, and he squeezed his eyes shut, he didn't need to look to his left to see the anger filled gaze his bests friends picture aimed at him from his own shrine. 'You failed me, you lied – you told me she'd be safe here Lucan.'

Ryan's shoulders stiffen as the small sounds of Steph sniffing broke through his grief and rage. Turning, she's still on the step where he left her, her gaze fixed on him, tears leaking down her cheeks. He watched her swallow down more tears as she surveyed the damage, he'd made around him.

When she was able to find her voice, it came with the steely resolve he'd heard earlier, when they'd all been here, together, ' – alive - ' and made their bring down Typhon plan.

'Don't tell you when it's clear you're head over heels for a girl – noted. Feel better now?' He was ashamed to see her hands shaking as she sipped at her own coffee, 'I caused that…'

He felt his legs fall beneath him and he staggered for a chair that had survived his assault and collapsed. His laugh was hollow as what Steph had been trying to do since she found him on the stairs hit him full force.

'You did listen to my lectures.'

'Things to ask when dealing with potential missing people 101: Keep people calm, get them to focus on the facts; when was the person last seen; what where they doing; what did they say; what were they wearing – wait do I want to know the answer to that one?'

He breathed a sigh as Steph gave him an understanding smile he didn't deserve. Shaking his head, the flush that had been ever present on his face earlier once again reached his cheeks as he couldn't stop himself flicking his eyes to the bed where he could see the shape of her in the mess of the sheets. He let out a low chuckle - she once again had not made the bed. Then he looked again.

With a cry he lurched out of the chair and reached the bed in a few strides. Fingertips reached out to stroke the soft brown felt fur, tracing the stitched up right ear 'wonder who did that for her, was it her mum? Foster parent?'. Ryan gingerly picked up the tattered pink mouse, his heart breaking that it was this tiny stuffed animal and a ripped photo that was all Alex had of her childhood, of before her life started to fall apart around her.

'She won't have left Shu-Shu behind Steph.'

For the first time since he'd left the Black Lantern in the early morning, he felt euphoric. He turned back to the stairs where Steph had not moved, the concern marring her face now not from worry about Alex, but to his mental state as he waved the toy through the air in one hand, gesturing to the rest of the apartment as he was again on the move, this time alert for any sign to prove that Alex was with beyond doubt missing.

'Guitar, there by the foosball table – no way she'd leave Haven without that. Regardless of that set – have I told you yet how awesome you both were? – leaving behind the last present Gabe ever gave her? Not a chance.'

'Kings of Leon record still here' he waved Shu-Shu towards the record player with the said record on display next to it 'there's the shooting star Charlotte made for her 'With the incriminating condom wrapper –' Alex loves that. Look she's not even tidied up our takeout from earlier, nothing has moved on that table since before the LARP…what's that?'

Shu-Shu was placed reverently back on the bed - it wouldn't do for Alex to hear that Ryan had mistreated her beloved mouse – as he moved towards the sofa, the white note behind the laptop his sole focus. He didn't need to get far before he recognised his dads handwriting; Alex – come see me when you get the chance – Jed.

He read it out to Steph, his body tense as he clenched his raw fist.

'Steph…this wasn't here before….dad said that he hasn't seen her, but this was not here when I left…why would he say that if he left this – when could he have left this?!'

'We have no idea when he dropped that off, relax Ryan, your dad cares for Alex, he's been looking out for her just like he did Gabe. C'mon Alex is as messy as he was, that's probably from a couple weeks ago.'

'You're right, of course you are. Sure, dad's been worried recently, know he think we've got too close too quickly and a parent's going to worry but he's shown he likes her; he's teased me about the obvious crush more than once! He may be worried but he does approves of her, she's the first girl I've like he has approved off. '

Out loud he took a deep calming breath, shaking away the uneasy feeling to be startled by Steph's next question.

'What was she wearing when you left Ryan?'

'Nail marks? Bruises? Love bites? That damn sheet? Probably not what you want to hear though.'

His flush was apparently answer enough if the snort behind him was anything to go by. The question made him pause and he propelled himself round the bed to the pile of clothes he knew had been there - he'd been the one to thrown them there - forcing his mind into some semblance of his ranger thinking.

'Urm - anyway, look here, wherever she is she's not wearing that skirt, so she's probably in jeans, that's good, means she should be warmer. That's the t-shirt she had one, so not that, urm, c'mon she doesn't have that many clothes – I'll take her into Denver before it gets too warm. Have you seen the Haven jumper we made her – nope wrong hoody - ok I'm taking a solid guess she's in the grey Haven sabretooth jumper and blue jeans, she prefers that pair.'

The lack of response from Steph didn't hinder the plan forming in his mind or the sense of control he'd lost somewhere in the twilight hours that now sent a wave of calm through him. He surveyed the room again from his position beside the bed, clothes piled around his feet. The mountain bike he hadn't got round to fixing yet still in the corner prompted his next train of thought.

'So she's probably on foot – so shoes, what shoes is she wearing?' He rushed past Steph and the stairs, his focus fixated on the shoe rack by the door as he detachedly reviewed each pair 'no, nope, wait he still had that pair? Not hers, hmm, yea those are her brown boots – is that, ah no Gabe's pair – damn, those are her hiking boots there. Ok not ideal, means she's in her trainers. If she's fallen, they won't protect her so there's a chance of a twisted ankle. It's not rained so the ground won't be slippery so slim chance she's slipped down somewhere, and she doesn't need telling to stay away from cliff edges so overall could be worse. Now, get hold of Pike; narrow down where she could be; and find her – then shake her and give her a fucking lecture on worrying us shitless by going off on her own. Then teach her she has people here who will look out for her, that she has me – and hope that thought doesn't have her running right out of town. First, map - '

As he turned back to the room, he found Steph had buried her face in her knees, arms wrapped around her legs, her whole body shaking on the stairs.

Shame overwhelmed him. He'd been so focused on Alex, for hours now, from the memory of her 'Don't go there right now Ryan, and do not, I repeat, do not look at the wall' – to the gut-wrenching fear and panic over where she was, to looking for clues as well as trashing her apartment 'Sorry Alex, the chair and bookcase I can at least fix.' that between the crippling anxiety that had eaten away at him all evening, he'd been nothing but a shit friend to the woman in front of him, the woman who also gave more than a damn about Alex and had spent most of the evening 'or morning' trying to bring him back from the brink multiple times.

He reached out to her, an apology on his lips before she fell down the remaining stairs gasping for breath in an uncontrollable fit of laughter, tears streaming down her face.

Genuinely confused, he could only stare as she kept laughing until he felt the beginnings of his chest tensing ready to join in, the corners of his mouth twitching as he realised that his inner monologue had not been as in his head as he'd thought and instead, he'd given Steph a clear insight into his organised panic mind. He shook his head as his shame turned into bashful embarrassment, stepping over her flailing extremities to lean his hip against the foosball table, he crossed his arm waiting as she tried to catch her breath.

'That's a better way to deal than mine I guess.'

The occasional snicker still emerged between pursed lips as she managed to bring herself mostly under control, a heap of limps at the bottom of the stairs.

'You know, everyone saw that beauty of a bruise, right? Didn't have the heart to tease you in front of your dad, Jed was already looking at you weird.'

'Why do I feel you think you deserve a thank you for not teasing me for this?'

Steph chuckled and closed her eyes.

'I meant what I said earlier man, I really haven't seen you ever light up as much as you do when she's around, and hell I'm already third wheeling you guys with the amount she talks about you when it's just us.'

'She talks about me to you?'

'Fishing for compliments when she's already shagged you isn't becoming Ryan.'

Another layer of anxiety seeped away through the flush on his cheeks and the bashful grin he failed to hide from her. Her final seal of teasing approval was given as she moved to settle in his arms, each giving the other a firm rib squeeze. Resting his chin on her head, his eyes landed on the dishevelled bed, his stomach once again churning as the clock struck 9am.

'Steph?'

'Yes Ryan?'

'Do you think she's really gone down into the mine by herself?'

He could feel her bite her lip against his chest, his stomach dropping at her small intake of breath.

'Yea, I really think she has.'