Buck didn't know what to think of being invited to a family meeting with the 118, for a long time he had hoped for an opportunity to get back with his family to apologies properly, but now the thoughts were all there
What a burden you are on them, don't you think they see it to
They only invited you out of pity, they don't see you as family
"you're exhausting"
Buck was sitting on the couch waiting for Maddie to get done with getting ready, she had been a little guarded about the meeting and had wanted to just say no to the invitation, but it had been Athena asking, and she couldn't help but feel gratitude to the police sergeant for doing CPR on her brother until help had arrived, and Athena hadn't been one of the people shunting her brother out in fact she had been just as clueless about what had been going on as Maddie. Buck was getting continuously more anxious as time went by and more thoughts made their appearance in his mind
They don't care about you, they were just doing their job saving you
You're pathetic, why would they care about you
Nobody cares about you anymore, you're such a burden
It was as if the room was getting smaller for every thought, like it was closing in on him, he couldn't breath in here, the air was getting ticker harder to swallow, tears were streaming down his cheeks, his ribs were hurting from the heavy panting. He didn't hear the door open, didn't notice her coming over or heard her calling his name, but suddenly she was there and she was holding his hands trying to force him to look at her and he did, she was anchoring him to the present, her warm brown eyes looking into his icy blue ones, her gentle pressure to his hands reminding him of her presence, he was starting to make out what she was saying to him
"It's not real Evan, just thoughts, look at me I'm real" Maddie said, and she was, he knew she was. It was getting easier to breathe again, and the room didn't feel just as small with her in it. "That's it Evan, slow deep breaths" Maddie said, feeling a little more calm herself now that her brother wasn't panicking as much. "Maybe this family meeting wasn't such a good idea" Maddie said hesitantly
"No, I have to apologize properly to them, Maddie" Buck said, almost causing himself another panic by the thought that he wasn't gonna see his family and get to apologize to them, because to him they were still his family, he had to at least try
"Okay, just calm down, we'll go but you need to calm down first" Maddie said, stroking his back in circles to sooth him like she did when he was younger
"Okay" Buck said, taking a deep breath which had him flinching because of his ribs. "I'm okay Mads" Buck said smiling at her, but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes
"Okay everyone, I'm inviting you over for a family meeting at my place after shift" Bobby told. Everyone knew what the topic of this meeting was gonna be and everyone agreed to come. "By the way Buck and Maddie have been invited as well"
"I… I don't know if I can make it anyway" Eddie stammered, he was not ready to possibly face Buck, the image of Buck lying on Hen's floor still very much haunted him, Buck's skin stretched tight over his bones sent a chill down Eddie's spine, no he was definitely not ready to see Buck again just yet. "I don't think Carla will be able to work over today" Eddie lied, he knew that all he had to do was ask her, but he just couldn't stand the thought of Buck in that state
"Well you're welcome to bring Christopher, I'm sure Harry and May would be delighted to play with him" Bobby said
"Yeah I don't know Cap, maybe next time" Eddie said a little nervously
"Eddie I really think it's better if we're all there, we all hurt him and it will take all of us to fix this" Bobby said, he didn't wanna push Eddie, but he had a feeling Eddie needed to be there as well
"I don't know Cap" Eddie said.
"Eddie you have to see him at one point or the other" Hen said knowingly
"I know, I just can't right now Hen" Eddie sighed
"Promise me you'll try Eddie" Bobby said, pleading with him
"I can't Bobby, I'm sorry I just can't" Eddie said looking down at his feet
