Everything after you
Part 1 of 4
Rating: T
Summary: The jewel is gone. Kikyo has survived. InuYasha must now choose between the life he has promised and the life that he wants. Everything after you is a story about finding love again, even when you thought you couldn't have it. InuxKag. Alternate ending. Credit to RareCandy1up.
Kagome
The jewel was gone.
I wished it away. We destroyed Naraku. We restored the balance.
I…should be happy, right?
It's been 3 weeks since we saved the world. The sun has risen and set and we have tried to find our footing in a world without searching for and destroying the jewel. It's been harder than I thought it would be, to have accomplished our goal, and live a life without it.
Sango and Miroku moved into the village, they have a hut next to Kaede's. I can feel my heart bloom at the thought of them together, finally. Starting a family maybe, to make up for the ones they lost.
Kohaku's moved in with them too! At the very least, I am grateful that someone made it out alive from under Naraku's hold. Rin moved into Kaede's hut, the elder priestess deciding to take care of Rin for Sesshomaru as he continues ruling the western lands.
Shippou is going to a fox training school in the next village over, but he comes back often, if only for a home cooked meal.
This was what I wanted, wasn't it? A family, a life with them in peace.
Then why do I feel so out of place?
The sun is setting again, another day fading into the next. I can see the stars slowly shining through, a splatter of glitter across the coming night. I wrap my arms around my legs as I sit on the hill overwatching the village below. Sango is probably starting to make dinner, she'll be wondering where I am. Miroku is probably getting fire wood, knowing Sango tends to get cold at night.
I watch Rin and Kohaku chase fireflies to the village edge, a glow of yellow captured in their tiny hands, like stars and the wishes they grant.
In the last few weeks, InuYasha has been away for most days, with Kikyo. Deciding, I suppose, what to do with the two women in his life who love him with their entire shared soul.
I've been waiting this whole time, wondering, hoping, but mostly knowing.
"You can come out, you know." I throw out over my shoulder. I can feel him near me, in the tree above. I always know when he's around, a calming force that continues to save me, even after we saved the world.
"I…wasn't sure if you wanted company." He jumps down from the tree, landing beside me. I feel the rush of wind from his sudden movement and shiver. He places his robe across my shoulders, an automatic action I don't think he even registers.
"How've you been?" He asks. I let out a small laugh, as if he hasn't known I've been waiting for his answer.
"How is Kikyo?" I ask, in a tone much harsher than I mean to. I reach out my hand to cover his, to let him know that wasn't my intention. His ears flatten on top his silver hair.
"I'm sorry." I say. Because I am. Because even though it breaks my heart to wait for him, I know it breaks his to have to tell me to wait.
"She's well. She's recovered. She's just at the edge of the forest now, in the hut by the river." I nod, I knew she had been there, I knew he had been there most days too. I wonder, briefly, if he still sleeps sitting up when he's with her, or if he allows himself the luxury of laying down next to her. One, I have yet to be afforded.
"Kagome…" He starts, and I can hear in the way his voice hitches, what he has to say.
"After all we've been through, after all you've given me, all you've sacrificed for me…." I squeeze his hand gently, willing him to break my heart.
"I know." I interrupt. Because I do.
"Please-"
"InuYasha, though you may not know it, know one knows you better than I do. No one knows how you feel, better than I do. I knew the moment the jewel disappeared that my time here in this era, with you, was limited." I can feel my heart beating in my throat and a tightening in my stomach.
"Kagome…You have to understand, Kikyo lost her life because of me! I was the reason she died the first time. All those years ago, I made a promise to her, to protect her and take care of her and I cannot be the person I need to be if I don't fulfil my promise." I watch him throw a hand over his heart, clutching at his shirt, a misting come across his eyes as I feel my own fill up.
"I know, InuYasha. It's one of the things I love about you." I whisper. He stops, stunned. He stares at me with gold eyes, tears finally spilling over his cheeks.
I move to sit on my knees, facing him, his robe heavy across my shoulders. I pull his hands into mine and hold them to my chest.
"Of all the things I have learned about you over the time I've spent with you, it's that you have a deep sense of loyalty and duty. I have watched you save the lives of our friend's time and time again because of it. I have watched you raise Shippou after his father died because of it. I have watched you take in all the strays lost to Naraku's evil because of it. I have watched you run to try to save Kagura, our enemy, because of it. Of all your strengths, it's not Wind Scar or Iron Reaver that is strong about you. It is your heart, and as broken as it may have been, it is the biggest one I have ever seen." I can barely see him now, the tears are too much, they can't run down my face fast enough.
I feel him lean in, pressing our foreheads together.
"And you must know, that the only thing I have ever wished for you is to be happy. And now here it is, your chance, a do over at the life you could have had with Kikyo all those years ago. I would never forgive myself if I stood in the way of that." I find what little courage I have left and press my lips to his. I feel him kiss me back, holding back a sob. I pull away before my resolve fades.
"I am going to miss you so much, and I am going to love you for the rest of my life." I whisper. A promise I will hold through out time.
"I'm so sorry, Kagome." He whispers, and it's the closest thing I'll ever have of his admission of his love for me. He crushes me into his chest, and I can feel the laboured breaths, his heart beating against his ribcage and drumming into my ears. He buries his face into my hair and all I can do is sit and cry.
Cry because I will never love anyone more than I love him.
"Are you sure you have to go? What about your life here?" Miroku asks the next morning. I've packed all I can pack from this time, souvenirs and mementos of a life in a past era. I dust off my skirt, readjusting my backpack. We're standing at the well, my last farewell to the family I built with InuYasha.
The goshinboku is blooming in the spring air, white flower petals falling down around us, carried away by the morning breeze. The sun is slowly peeking her rays across the horizon - a new day is upon us.
"There's nothing for me here." I state, the most painful truth I could ever speak.
"What about us, Kagome? Are we nothing?" Sango cries, she's holding a sobbing Shippou in her arms and I immediately fill with shame. I reach out for her and crush them both into my embrace. I feel a heavy sob escape as I do, and I can feel Miroku's arms wrap around all of us.
"Please, no, don't ever think that. I love you all so much. My heart can't bear to think of a life without you." I speak so quickly I can feel my tongue tripping over my words. I feel Sango shake in my arms, feel Shippou jump and wrap his arms around my neck so tight I almost can't cry. I can even feel Miroku's tears fall onto my shoulders.
"Please, please know, the love I feel for you transcends time, and every day you will be in my thoughts. I'm leaving not because I want to, but because I don't belong here, in this time, no matter how much I wish I did." I plead. The sadness is overwhelming, a pain radiating throughout my body, filling me up and yet leaving me empty.
"I am going to miss you so much. You are my sister and I love you." Sango finally whispers. My heart breaks again, splinters like the Shikon jewel had.
"You are the strongest person I know, and I wish you nothing but the best. I am forever grateful I can call you my friend." Miroku says as we pull away.
I hold Shippou for a little longer, waiting until his cries die down a bit. I kiss his cheeks and taste the salt from his never ending tears.
"I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay here! InuYasha doesn't know what he's doing! He's being an idiot!" He wails. I smile softly, putting him in Sango's arms.
"This isn't just about InuYasha, Shippou. And one day, when you're older you'll understand, that this is about love. And the love I feel for you all will never go away, even though I have to." I swallow the pain again, wiping my eyes as I back up to the well. I look over to the goshinboku. I stare into the peering gold eyes in the tallest branch, my last goodbye to the love of my young life.
"I love you." I say to them all, and for the last time, jump into the well, swallowed by the blue light.
Authors Note: A fanfic created by the inspiration of a comment made by RareCandy1up on Reddit!
