'This is Pike, I can't come to the phone right now, leave me a message and I'll get back to you.'
Ryan forced his palm flat against his leg, closed his eyes and counted to 10 with deep breaths. 'Keep focused, he can't ignore you forever, he'll be downstairs soon and then you can shake – ask for – answers out of him.'
His finger hung over Pike's number as he resisted calling him again, he hadn't answered any of other calls he and Steph had made in the last hour and a half so why would he answer now. 'He must be awake by now, if not at the station. He must know why we're calling – or has something happened to him too?'
A soft growl escaped him as he shook off that thought, forcing his mind back to his notes and to the facts; losing himself in fear and paranoia had not helped him in the slightest over the last 9 odd hours and would not help him now.
He glanced at Shu-Shu, not wanting to examine the comfort it gave him having the beady eyed mouse next him on the couch, as if the stuffed toy could help search for its missing human, 'Ethan's made me watch Toy Story way too often.'
Sighing softly, he glanced down at the notes he'd been making as Steph refused his assistance and huffed behind him as in her attempts to put the corner of the apartment back together.
Timings:
10:14pm – R tells A ready for set – text
10:20pm approx. – A & S set starts – lasts 20 mins.
10:40pm approx. – set ends – A in park
10:45pm approx. – R sees A at dock with C
11:03pm – R texts A to meet on roof
11:03pm – A responds – last message
11:10pm approx. – S last sees A walking to Lantern
11:15pm approx. – A meets R on roof
1am – R leaves A at home – last time R see's A
1am approx. – A meets Pike
1:30am approx. – S walks D home
3.02am - R texts A
4am – S walks E home
4:18am – R calls A
4:59am – R texts A
6:27am – R calls A
6:28am – R calls A
6:28am – R calls P
6:37 – 6:45am – myblock updates
6:45am – S texts R
6:55am approx. – S calls A
7:09am – both R and S text & call A
9:02am – R calls P
9:19am – S calls P
9:34am – R calls P – 9:46am/9:53am/10:06am/10:11am/10:17am/10:23am/10:31am
He paused as he took in the map laid out on the table, the laptop fading into the bubble screensaver next to it, the takeout boxes he hadn't had the heart to tidy – it felt weird, to clean her flat when she wasn't there to be far more amused at his antics than embarrassed at the mess. What time had it been only - yesterday? He'd sat exactly where he was now doing the same damn thing and still waiting for Alex to walk through the door. Then as he did now, he wanted to take her in his arms and protect her from anything and everything that had and would try to hurt her.
He scoffed at himself, 'Think I need her for that more than she needs me, she's perfectly able to take care of herself. Just need to show her she doesn't have to do that alone.' His heart clenched as he recalled the way she'd looked at him as she listened to her brother's voice make that fateful call, the way her face had dropped and he'd seen a glimpse of the lost little girl she had once been, and the one who was not buried that deep beneath the surface of the strong adult she had become.
Dropping his head into his hands, the soft plonk of heavy books being placed on shelves filtered through his consciousness, a steady rhythm slotting the evenings words and events into categories and ordered lists; 'when was she last seen? Who saw her last? Where would she have gone?'
He tapped his pen against his leg in time, the markers he'd placed on the map appearing behind closed eyelids, the information he'd learnt lighting up as he mentally moved between each point 'abandoned outbuilding, not useful; cabin falling apart, not helpful; ventilation shaft; another one; and another one; why did I add all of these to the map there's loads….;blocked off entrance to even older vein; that's the old tracks that we'd bet each other as kids to see who could go in the furthest and I always got teased the most – son of a minor who didn't want to go into a mine – not helpful to finding Alex though - '
'Ow! Steph!'
Steph's nails dug into his leg, her hand rubbing at his still raw knuckles as she leant over his shoulder to hiss in his ear.
'Stop. Tapping. That. Fucking. Pen.'
He dropped the offending pen onto the map as he turned a tired glare with no heat behind it to his friend, her back to him as she moved the final books back onto the shelves, he'd thrown to the floor earlier. Her shoulders were tense as she took a step back to critic her work, adjusting a book here and there to avoid looking back at him, and the lack of progress and idea's they had.
Unable to let her stew, Ryan was up and had twisted her round into his arms before she could protest, but she did wrap her arm around his waist as he kept her close letting her sniff out her tears into his chest in peace and quiet.
'We're truly fucked without that USB aren't we?'
'Pretty much.'
'Fuck'
'Think we've started a new tradition of having short but deep conversations while hugging?'
The snort against his chest eased his concern for the DJ and the tension that had creeped back into his bones gave way to weariness. She was right, they were truly fucked. They'd been able to mark on the main map the location of Rhea and knew it was the site of the old mine before Alex had taken the drive to Pike, but without the shaft number that would have given them somewhere to pin a location in the acres of land associated with the mine, meant they had nothing, and Alex was on her own.
'You owe Alex at least one new chair by the way, the other one will survive for a bit longer, as long as you specifically do not sit on it.'
He chuckled sadly as he took in Steph's efforts; the picture of the three of them was back on the frame of the bookcase, miraculously undamaged; the cup was beyond repair and Steph had left it on newspaper beside the sink, ready for the bin along with what was left of one of the chairs. Ryan winced as he saw how many pieces he'd managed to break it into, agreeing with Steph's assessment, not even his carpentry and wood carving skills could save it.
'She's strong Steph, you saw her earlier. She didn't break, she pulled us all together to find the answers. Leaving Typhon out of it, even you're impressed with her, she managed Valkyrie without being maimed on her first try! She fucked up Mac's face and then forgave him three days later despite him lying about the call…she forgave me….despite…'
He let her squeeze him too tight, it helped keep the tears at bay.
'Ryan. I owe you my life…You were brave this morning. You're brave now. I've never been as brave as you….I forgive you. How could I not?'
The tears welled up in his eyes, his throat constricted, and his chest tightened as he tried to supress whimpers; he breathed harshly, biting his lip as his stomach churned. His legs gave way sending them both to the ground, head buried in Steph's shoulder as she held on tight as he sobbed.
'She's got this far….survived…so much….Gabe was – so proud…of her….she's got to be…ok….tell me she'll…be ok – '
He didn't know how long Steph gently rocked him, her grip firm on his shoulder anchoring him to her, the other stroking his hair soothing him without a sound. Even when he fell silent and his breathing had returned to normal, she didn't let go, she pushed back just far enough to take his face in her hands, wiping away the remnants of tears from his cheeks and stared him down nose to nose as exhaustion finally caught up with him.
'Sorry, I'm sorry Steph, I know you're just as worried – '
She breathed gently in his face, eyes locked on his, not allowing him to look away, to force him to see the honesty in her gaze, her worry, and her fear.
'Stop ok, just stop. You're more than shit scared for her for the both of us, so I'll pick up the worrying about you. We're allowed to be concerned for you too you know, even the heroes have people who have their backs and worry about them.'
His voice was just as quiet in return, hoarse from crying, his anguish palpable.
'I'm no hero Steph, I've spent all night panicking about her and I've failed at every turn. I almost got her killed crossing that log; she could have been lost over the edge with Gabe and tonight – fuck Steph, I haven't been able to keep it together long enough to get a plan into place and find her. She could be seriously hurt; she could be lost. We could search for years and never find her….'
'Stop!'
Her barked command was a slap to the face in the silence of the room. His eyes widened in shock as hers narrowed, lips tightened. She pushed him back roughly and forced him onto the sofa as she paced in front on the tv, inhaling ready for a speech.
'I'm going to tell you what Char told me, don't know how much you know. You'll see just how strong Alex is and not just because she's had to be. I'm just as worried as you, but right now I'm far more concerned for you. So I'm going to talk; you are going to listen and then we will plan because it's coming on 11 so we don't have long. Ok?'
Ryan nodded or gave some indication of agreeing that she approved of because she carried on without missing a beat.
'As a kid, she was easy to make laugh. Despite the age gap, Gabe loved to make her laugh. She didn't cry much even as a baby that he could remember, but he did remember her giggling and being happy, even when their dad became more of an asshole. When their mum died, he said the worst thing wasn't the hole she left behind, or the anger he felt at everything, it was that Alex had taken it on herself to fill her shoes; cleaning up after their dad and the house between homework and cooking dinner to then running between him and his dad when they argued to keep the peace. She stopped being a kid the day her mum died. He hit her you know. By accident, but the day their dad walked out on them he'd gone to hit Gabe, but Alex had got in to stop him and he'd hit her instead – apparently, she'd still begged him to stay.'
He kept his silence as she talked, filling in the gaps between what Gabe had and hadn't told him. Ryan swallowed back his grief as he recalled doing much the same when his mum had died, to do anything to make her sudden absence ache that bit less.
'Even Charlotte doesn't know how they lost contact, or who stopped responding to who or if they just both got lost in the system, but she does know that Alex was already angry by the time Gabe went to juvie; she didn't laugh much with the other kids in the orphanage – Gabe could still make her giggle though. He was scared that without him around that she'd, like shut everyone out and that when she arrived here, she'd be this hardened shell of the girl he'd left behind.'
Steph stopped her pacing and stared at the shrine to the man who'd been a brother to all.
'I know what it's like to run from your past Ryan, and I've seen the damage a childhood like theirs can do, but I've also seen Alex, seen her around you, how she fits into this town, and I know she'll be ok, but it won't be easy. Her mum died, dad left, brother abandoned her, then she bounced between 3 orphanages and 5 foster homes; finds brother and loses him again within hours. Alex is going to have serious abandonment issues, whether she knows it or not and commitment is probably going to terrify her, there may even be a part of her that thinks we only like her because she's Gabe's sister rather than for her, or that we'll ignore her once we're done with Typhon – '
'I – I care about you too Ryan. I've not – I've never – felt like this…safe. I feel safe with you.'
Steph's tapping foot focused his gaze on her as she turned to face him, arms crossed, her own stare lost in the distance.
'You've seen how she just manages to put the needs of everyone else before hers right? What she's been through I can imagine, and it makes me so damn impressed that despite all of that, she – '
' - sees deep into the hearts of people, but doesn't let that stop her from believing in them.'
He shrugged at Steph's confused stare as he played with the ring on his finger looking anywhere that was not at Steph, even when she suddenly cackled.
'What?!'
'Oh my god, please tell me you did not say to that to her?'
'….might have done…what its true though, that's what you were about to say anyway! It's not like she hated it either…because…well…'
He waved one hand towards the bed he'd managed to fight the urge to organise and the other to the bruise that was slowly turning to purple, smiling through the blush heating his face.
The shrill of his phone sliced through their brief joy. He locked his eyes on Steph in shock, his jaw dropping in surprise, her brow creasing in worry, his heart rate increasing as time slowed to a crawl, Pike flashing on his screen.
The phone dropped in his lap as he fumbled to answer, cursing as he also tried to put it on speaker for Steph to hear.
'Ryan, you ok?'
'Pike, that finally you?
'Yea, look is Alex with you?'
'No, why do you think I've been trying to call you for hours?!'
His stomach churned as he clenched his fists, forcing back his anger.
'Shit. Ryan, when did you last see her?'
'Me? Pike I left her to see you, when did she leave you?'
'She – uh – I let her go at 2:30 this morning – '
Ryan was on his feet in an instant, his mind whirring.
'Let her go? What do you mean you let her go? She went to give you evidence of Typhon being behind Gabe's death, you make it sound like you arrested her….you did didn't you?'
The deep sigh was all the confirmation he needed and then he was yelling, Steph trembling with silent rage beside him.
'What the actual fuck Pike? On what grounds did you arrest her –'
'Diane wants to charge her with computer fraud Ryan, that's a fucking federal crime.'
His heavy breathing filled the silence in the room as both Ryan and Steph stared in horror at each other, eyes wide, heads shaking in disbelief. Ryan sat down stiffly, his voice deadly calm.
'Pike, tell me, exactly, what happened.'
The gentle murmur of voices filtered up the stairs, the scraping of chairs and tables, low sounds of grunts as Jed moved furniture around in the bar below. The sun shone through the windows, another bright and clear day, the warmth at odds with the ice in his veins. Rays bounced off the dust around the tv, his eyes blinked as reflections broke through the open slates in the window blinds. He listened to Steph retching as his whole body vibrated with supressed anger, the quiet ticking of the clock counting down his short fuse.
He'd gripped Steph's clammy hand tight when the knock on the door came and his dad had entered, his concern etched on his face as he spoke from the door seemingly unable or unwilling to enter further. Ryan had spoken for them both; yes, they were fine, no, nothing from Alex, yes, they'd spoken to Pike, no, there was nothing Jed could do, yes, Pike had put guys out looking for her, yes, they'd be downstairs in a minute.
He'd poked Steph's ribs to smile at Eleanor's compliments on their set, leaving her at the end of the bar, away from everyone and out of reach of breakable objects. Duckie had clapped him on the shoulder, a long-winded speech going over his head, his focus on Jed and Diane hushing each other next to the bear. Pike gave him a knowing look, looking far more together than he'd sounded. Charlotte hadn't asked and he didn't mention it.
Diane's voice grated against his nerves as she attempted to suck up to the council, his dad preening by her side, 'History. Loyalty. Pride'. 'Bullshit.' He gripped his shirt beneath his crossed arms – anything to not scream.
The negative shake of Steph's head from her position at the bar had him sucking in a deep breath, tensing his leg to not bounce impatiently for them all to just – stop – talking. Nothing from Pike's men. He didn't care if it was the evident worry pouring off him and Step or Diane's PR bullshit not pulling the wool over the eyes of anyone that ended her big finish with muted silence, that even Eleanor's awkward clapping could not save.
His dad, Ryan could focus on him, his unwavering strength a breath of fresh air after the stench of Typhon's spokes piece. Jed could bullshit better than the rest and showed Diane how it's done.
Later, when he looked back, it wouldn't be what words were said that would haunt him as hospital machine's beeped in the background; it wouldn't be the sight of his strong father on his knees sobbing for all to see, or even Diane's soft 'Oh fuck'.
It would be the colour draining from Jed's face as he turned to the door, fear crinkling his face in disbelief, stumbling back as if struck, mouth working but no words emerging. It was the soft sigh of resignation that transported Ryan back to the early years post the accident, when the idea of his father being a hero was still fresh. That soft sigh he'd always taken to mean his dad didn't see himself as one but had let the town have its say.
As he'd watched his father move away from the door, he hadn't yet thought of that sigh to signal Jed knew everything was about to come crashing down. Ryan didn't hear it in the moment, instead he'd picked up on the latch of the front door as it closed and the heavy gasping that came from the front of the bar, with each dragged footstep.
'Alex!'
