Buck felt terrible for having chased Eddie away, the thoughts kept running through his head
He hates you and why shouldn't he you went and saw Christopher
He'll never forgive you
You're nothing, who cares about you?
"Buck are you okay" Hen asked
"Who cares anymore" Buck said, the laughter had quieted down now
"I care" Hen and Chimney said in unison which had Buck turn his head to look at them and break down laughing again
"Dude you're starting to freak me out here" Chimney said and Hen sent him a pointed look of disapproval. "Well he is, that laughter is freakish and not at all Buck" Chimney defended
"I'm fine" Buck laughed in that humorless not Buck kind of way
"Okay Buckaroo, just remember it's only thoughts" Hen smiled sadly at him
"Thanks Hen" Buck smiled sadly now too, the laughter having died completely now. After a few moments of silence Hen and Chimney went back to competing over who had had the weirdest or most wildest calls and Buck tried to listen, but every now and then the thoughts would become to loud for him to drown it out with Hen and Chimney's talk, but he tried anyway
Eddie made another appearance at the loft before lunchtime, Buck started to rock back and forth when he noticed him, and when Eddie walked over to him, Hen and Chimney he started rocking so fast that his ribs protested. Hen eyed Buck and then Eddie
"Buck honey it's just thoughts" Hen tried reassuring Buck
"Not. The words. He said" Buck breathed out through clenched teeth trying hard not to yell from the pain in his ribs. Eddie had come over and stood in front of them now, nervously stepping from one foot to the other, he drew a hand over the back of his head
"I ehm… I wanted to… apologize for how I've treated you" Eddie said nervously, then he fidgeted with something in his hands. "And ehm to give you this from Christopher and me" Eddie said, holding out something for Buck to take. With shaky hands Buck reached out and grabbed what Eddie was holding out for him, it looked like a homemade folder of some sort and when Buck opened it there was a picture of him, Eddie and Christopher greeting him, it was taken a few days after the tsunami, they had all gone to the movies together and the picture was from inside the movie theater, they had been all alone in there. Buck flipped to the next page and it was a drawing Christopher had made of them on top of a firetruck and in a speech bubble coming from Christopher it said with Eddie's handwriting Keep on swimming, tears started to form in Buck's eyes when he turned to the next page which was another Christopher drawing of Buck in a cape holding Christopher
"Thank you" Buck whispered with a smile and the rocking had stopped, then he looked up at Eddie and the rocking started again. "You… You didn't have to… I mean you have every right to… be mad… and I'm really sorry… and… and please Eddie you have to believe me how sorry I am" Buck said and then looked down at the folder he was holding still and started to cry
"It's okay Buck, I'm not mad at you, I mean I was, but I'm not anymore" Eddie said and he went down to kneel in front of Buck. "And whatever I said I'm sorry man, you have to believe how sorry I am" Eddie said, his own tears starting to form and he didn't care that Hen and Chimney were still there, he looked to his side and noticed Hen and Chimney had left, 'wonder when that happened' Eddie thought to himself. "Please Buck can you ever forgive me" Eddie asked now crying too
"I already did" Buck whispered between sobs. "I just can't forgive myself" Buck whispered again
"Well to bad cause I forgive you" Eddie said
"Why?" Buck whispered
"Because I care about you" Eddie said; "You're my best friend man"
"Why?" Buck whispered again
"Because I don't know, you just are" Eddie said with a chuckle
"But I'm exhausting and I can't suck up my problems and I lost Christopher" Buck whispered
"You're not exhausting and you shouldn't suck up your problems, I was out of line saying that, and you didn't lose Christopher you saved him that's how he remembers it" Eddie said
"But what about when I went by his school, I swear Eddie I didn't mean to it just happened" Buck said
"I won't lie I was mad at you for that, but it made Christopher so happy and I could never be mad at you for putting a smile to my son's face when I was an idiot who couldn't see what you both needed because of my anger, and I'm sorry for that forgive me" Eddie said. Buck didn't say anything just leapt forward and hugged Eddie
"This doesn't mean we're okay, but I'm willing to believe you for now" Buck whispered into Eddie's ear
