Buck draped a cool rag over Eddie's forehead, sighing as he looked him over for what felt like the hundredth time in the last five minutes. He'd absolutely panicked after Eddie lost consciousness, picking him up and laying him on the couch while he figured out what to do. He thought about calling 911, but decided to go directly to who he knew could help.

Hen had listened to his frantic recounting of events, although he left the details of their talk out, and advised him on what to do and look out for. And after, she'd lightly chastised him for arguing with someone in Eddie's condition, calling them both stubborn idiots. Buck didn't disagree.

Eddie finally started stirring and Buck closed his eyes in relief for a moment. Even if Eddie bounced up and began ranting and raving at him, it would be worth it to see him okay. Buck would take anything he could get these days, from anyone. The only person who was talking to him at this point was his lawyer, and that was because he wanted the money.

He'd never planned for all this when he made his decision to sue the department. All he ever wanted was to do his job and get back to how things were. If he'd had the chance, he could prove to everyone that he was still capable, but he hadn't gotten the opportunity. Who could blame him for getting a bit angry? Buck had worked hard to get to where he was and having it ripped away from him unfairly was unacceptable. It was one thing if he was truly incapable of doing the job, but he wasn't. So fighting fire with fire was his only option.

But he hadn't expected to lose everyone he cared about. He still had Maddie, but that was different. Buck had lost everyone who didn't have blood tying them together. Everyone he'd chosen and who he thought had chosen him in return. He missed the easy camaraderie he had with Chimney and Hen. He missed the support and guidance he got from Bobby. But most of all, he missed Eddie.

Eddie was… Eddie. There was really no way to explain it. They were so different, yet similar. They were passionate and caring and determined, they just happened to show it to people a little differently. Maybe that's what made them work so well. Buck was over the top and Eddie was steady and subdued, but they pulled each other to a happy medium. At least, they used to.

Buck had to admit that this version of Eddie scared him. He wasn't scared of Eddie, he was scared for him. The master of brushing things off with a shrug and easy smiles was gone. And while Buck didn't want him to repress his feelings, this was a lot. Added with these injuries he still hadn't gotten an explanation for and Buck was worried. And knowing that Eddie felt like he couldn't come to him with his issues made him feel guilty.

"Buck?" Eddie murmured, tipping his head in the direction Buck was sitting.

"Yeah Eds," Buck replied, readjusting the cloth on Eddie's forehead. Eddie hummed in appreciation, but kept his eyes closed.

"What happened?"

"Well, according to Hen, we're both idiots," Buck chuckled. Eddie peeled open one eye, shooting him a questioning look. "She said we should've known better than to get into an argument with you looking how you do."

"Oh," Eddie sighed, finally blinking both eyes open and staring at the ceiling.

"She said it was probably nothing more than you fainting from everything building up at once and as long as you woke up and started to feel better, you didn't have to go back to the hospital. She offered to come by later though, if necessary," Buck explained.

"Not necessary. And I don't faint," Eddie grunted, trying to pull himself into a seated position.

"Careful," Buck warned, bouncing up to try to keep Eddie from hurting himself.

"I'm fine," Eddie insisted, but there was no heat behind the words, just tiredness. Buck held back, ready to swoop in if Eddie started to flag. Eventually he got himself propped up with his back against the arm of the couch and his legs resting on the cushions. Buck sat down across from him on the coffee table, nervous again now that Eddie was awake enough to fight. But then again, maybe the fighting was over. Before he'd lost consciousness, the talk had taken a turn. But had that been the concussion talking?

"Um, about earlier-"

"I'm sorry," Eddie interrupted, staring down at his lap. "I shouldn't have said all those things to you."

"Why not? That's how you feel, right?" Buck asked. Eddie wasn't the type to lie just to hurt someone. "Maybe that's how we got into this mess. Instead of talking to each other, we let everything build up until we couldn't hold back anymore."

"That's what I do, right? That's what you said," Eddie pointed out.

"Okay, so maybe I do it too," Buck admitted.

"You hold things back because you don't want to push people away."

"And you hold things back because you don't think what you feel matters," Buck shot back defensively. Eddie raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't argue. "Sorry."

"Don't be. Never apologize for being honest. Especially when you're right," Eddie sighed.

"I don't care about being right. I care about us being alright with each other," Buck said softly, wringing his hands anxiously. If Eddie shot him down, he didn't know what he'd do. "It hurts how much I miss you. Like there is this big, aching part inside me. There's nothing in the world that I want more than to fix this."

"Buck-"

"Before you say anything, do you think I could explain something? Like, without the yelling and stuff?" Buck requested, looking up at him hopefully.

"Go ahead."

"When I started all this, I was angry. All I wanted was for things to go back to how they were before that stupid bomb. And just when I thought they were, it's like the rug got pulled out from under me again," Buck said, shaking his head as he thought back to those talks with Bobby. "I'd never found anything in my life that I was so passionate about and the thought of losing it was too much."

"I get it."

"A part of me thought that all I would have to do was threaten the lawsuit and they would give me the chance. Then I could prove what I'd been saying all along. Maybe that was naive, but I didn't see any other options. Obviously that didn't work, but I was already in too deep and I couldn't turn back. I still thought it would be okay, because even if I didn't have my job, I still had the most important thing in my life. I still had you."

"Buck, I-"

"Please, please let me finish," Buck begged. If he stopped now, it would be too hard to start again later. "I never wanted to stop talking to you. God, all I wanted was to go to you and let everything out and have you make things better, but I couldn't put that burden on you. Not after everything you'd been through as well. And seeing how you always handled things with such poise and grace made me feel like an idiot for struggling so much."

"Are you kidding? Buck, I'm a fucking wreck," Eddie choked out, running a weary hand down his face. "I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me with anything, but I can't blame you."

"Eds, I'm not blaming you either. I just- I made a mistake. By the time I realized it, I was too far in and couldn't see another way out. And when I realized I lost you, I felt like there was nothing left to fight for anymore. Even if I got my job back, it wouldn't mean anything if you hated me."

"Buck. I could never hate you," Eddie whispered, staring at him intensely. Those eyes were saying everything that Eddie tried so hard to keep hidden. "For a while I thought I wanted to, because that would make things easier. That it wouldn't hurt so bad if I didn't- I didn't…"

"You didn't what?" Buck asked. He needed to hear these words from Eddie. He needed someone else to put their heart on the line, instead of him always doing it and getting it stomped on in the end. Buck had to know if Eddie was feeling the same thing he was.

"If I didn't love you."