About a month has passed since your realisation. Nothing much has changed.
You still run the missions Lotus gives you, you still call him and talk to him from your orbiter. Sometimes you run missions together and make inside jokes at each other while you kill things.
You still think 'm'thanks' is hilarious.
Well… no, now that you think back on it, things have actually changed a lot.
You never really spoke to anyone much before. Well there was Jathi, Mag's operator. Your batch mate from before the war. You'd consider her your closest friend. Though usually your conversations usually revolved around training and war stories.
You don't talk to her much anymore, other than to check in on each other once every few months.
But Limbo's operator is still on your mind.
And you're still pacing your ship between the equipment, trying not to hit anything.
You wonder what he looks like. And you try and recall some faces, many hazy from old memories. You can remember pieces of them, the eyes or a nose or the hair they had then. But you haven't seen any other operators, other than what you remember from your batch, and Khora's when you went to wake her up.
There were others too. But… your memories before your rescue are hazy. And your memories from the war are hazier still.
You can't even consider if he feels the same. He won't.
You know he won't.
Still you look at the holoclips Ordis took. Him and you, fighting side by side. There's one where he's bathed in pink light and lasers from your prism. He's got his gun up, firing at the Corpus running your way.
You run a finger over the image and feel the pulse of a sigh, knowing full well that it was both Mirage and you.
It's hard not to think about him now. Every mission you run without him doesn't feel the same. There's still a mildly playful side to it though, Mirage still laughs as the bodies hit the floor. When you summon your doppelgängers, she still nudges you to bow and twirl and be unnecessarily dramatic.
But there isn't the same fun feeling of being beside him.
This little crush of yours has lasted over ten weeks now, and you're not even sure if it's real. Or even if you should pursue him.
How would you even pursue him? You remember blips of your Orokin masters and their courtship. The bright red and pink blooms, the colourful boxes wrapped in ribbon, the wild (and far too loud) proclamations of love.
Actually, that's rather Mirage's style…
But… love?
By the stars, do you even love him? Like really love him?
You think about him again, his voice, his charm, his nice laugh… and proceed to walk into your foundry again.
And there's her laugh again.
Shut up. You like him too…
At least this time you didn't knock anything over.
You hear Ordis' voice chime in again, wondering what you're thinking about. And again you don't reply.
You've had way too many instances of these pacing episodes. You've even been avoiding collecting materials for new gear.
In fact, that's probably a good idea. Just a quick farming mission to Saturn, and hopefully you'll be able to collect more than a handful of Orokin cells.
You set your course and let Ordis find you a squad.
Honestly you wouldn't even mind going this one alone too. It would be a good distraction, something to stop you from thinking about him. Although you're certain that she'll bring up 'm'thanks' and you're going to laugh.
You permit yourself a little smirk.
Operator, I've found you a partner.
You check navigation.
Oh. It's Khora. It's been a while since your last mission with her.
This should go wonderfully. You just hope you don't suddenly burst into laughter and embarrass yourself…
As expected, Khora and Venari did an excellent job.
She has a personality that could flood a room and the confidence to outshine the sun. Not to mention the warmth that lets you come out of your shell a little. You were making snarky comments at your enemies the entire time.
Now, you walk through the Kronia relay, laughing and chatting about a mission well done.
You're wandering through the west wing when her voice dips low, and she leans in a little.
"Mirage, darling you seem a little troubled."
You turn to her. Khora's looking at you like a curious bird, head tilted to one side.
"It's nothing. I'm fine."
"You're barely twirling today. I liked your twirling."
"I'm just a little tired..."
Khora laughs, low and haughty. "Right. So what's on your mind? Or who, even?"
You suppose your silence is enough of a hint for her to giggle and lean in closer.
"Oh my stars, is it really a who? Who is this dear boy? Or girl? I don't judge."
"N-no one..."
"Come on sweetie, you can tell me." You can feel her smirking and winking at you.
You look over, and after a few seconds you sigh.
"Um... Limbo?"
"Really? Well I don't blame you, he's very charming. And tall! I like my partners tall too. You'd look adorable together."
"Uhh-"
"I mean really, he is kinda cute. And that little hat thing! Adorable! It even matches your twirling. You made a good choice."
"You really think so?"
"Of course."
You giggle a bit. "I- I don't know, though… He's very sweet and all but I- I don't think he feels the same."
"Do you see how he looks at you?"
"What?"
"You don't notice him glancing at you every so often?"
"Uhh… no?"
"Oh, don't tell me you've been avoiding the poor boy."
"I haven't! I just… haven't gone on a mission with him in a few weeks…"
"Well go then! I could be your wingman you know" she says, nudging your side.
You laugh. "That's okay, I should be fine."
You aren't sure how true that is, and you don't know what would happen. You might be overly flirtatious, you might be too awkward to do anything to win his heart, or you could pretend everything is normal and let this little crush fade.
As if this feeling is going to go anywhere anytime soon.
Khora eventually has to leave. "I'm going to meet Valkyr on Cetus." she says, and practically sashays away, wiggling her fingers in farewell.
"Don't be shy, darling, he's going to love you!" she says over her shoulder as she goes.
You can feel yourself blush.
Is he interested in me? you wonder. If what Khora said was anything to go by, then… you might even have a chance.
You return to your orbiter, heart pounding as you call up your contacts list.
Your hand hovers over his name, and with a deep breath, you open a channel. Almost immediately, you get a response.
"Mirage?"
"Hey Limbo, are you busy?"
"Not at all. In fact I just returned from a mission."
"You won't be up for another one, would you?"
"For you, I will gladly go."
You can feel yourself smile, and immediately shake yourself out of it. He's probably just being nice.
"I'll meet you on Lua? Lotus has a mission for us there."
"Lua? Alright, if you're sure."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing, I'll meet you there."
Lotus has sent you on mobile defence missions before. You wonder why Limbo was unsure of this.
There's also a blip of apprehension from Mirage that has lasted about the entire mission so far, and you're too distracted shooting down the Grineer running at you to give it a look. She has been giggling and laughing as you down your enemies though. And just as you think that, you land and bow with a flourish, calling forth your doppelgangers.
"Oh dear." you hear him say over your comms.
"What happened?"
"I believe I've been scanned."
Scanned?
And this is when you remember. Sentients.
Oh. Oh no. That's not good.
You check your map, Limbo's at least a hundred meters away. They'll be here any second now.
You feel your heart pounding fast in your chest, and pulses of what can only be described as electricity flash through your veins.
Mirage isn't laughing anymore.
You take down one last Grineer trying to bash at the terminal and get into a defensive stance.
Any second now.
"Mirage, a handful of them got past me."
There.
A Battalyst and a pair of Conculysts hover into the room.
There they are.
You start shooting.
And Mirage's screams fill your head.
You focus your fire on the Conculysts, and eventually Limbo runs into the room to help you.
The screaming hasn't stopped.
Mirage? Mirage what's wrong?
She doesn't reply, and there's a pulse of energy in your arms, as if she's tugging your hands up, nudging you to keep shooting.
"Mirage! On your left!"
You look over just in time to see the Battalyst hovering towards you.
The screams get louder as you unlink from your frame. Stepping out to blast it with a void beam, and in a second you're back in your frame, putting a few good rounds into it, and finally it goes down.
The echoes of the scream still linger. And you feel a dull thumping all around your mind, like encroaching thunder.
You feel pain, fear. Slowly subsiding.
Mirage? you think aloud. There's no answer.
"Mirage, are you alright?"
"I'm fine." You reply, breathless and wide-eyed.
You don't know what just happened.
Later in your orbiter, you think. You look around your shared mindspace.
And there's a pulse of determination, but tainted with the sting of revenge. It glows red, angry and fearful.
There's a string of what seems like noise echoing around the perimeters of your mind.
You look closer at it, and your mind's eye pries it open. The string explodes into a chittering of madness, garbled speech and broken screams.
No, not again, I can win this time, I can fight, I can kill. They will go down, I will fight, I will fight!
Mirage? you think aloud.
I will fight, I can take them. Even if I fall, I can be put back together. I can destroy them, let me destroy them! Give me one more chance! Please!
The ache of fear threatens to tear your minds apart and you try and soothe her. You unlink from your frame, stepping towards her and taking her hands. Mirage stands silently, though you know that inside she is crying.
You think of soothing things, the smooth feel of reloading your weapons in a fluid movement, the freeing feel of twirling through the air as you leap and spin. You broadcast your calm thoughts to her, and slowly, bit by bit, you link back together.
The screaming has stopped, which is good. But there's a soft whimpering, sad and fearful, but slowly subsiding. Soon a calm washes over you like waves on a shore.
Silence takes your minds again.
Limbo has been asking if you're alright since that mission.
And you say you're okay.
Can't say the same for Mirage though.
Things have gone back to normal, you think, ever since then. You still call and talk to him, you still run missions together, but now the both of you try and avoid the places with too many Sentients.
Your heart still aches.
You really do love him.
But nothing has changed between you. He still treats you as a close friend, and you don't see anything that could hint at you being… closer.
This is where the realisation hits you. That he's not going to see you as anything more. That you shouldn't try and push him into loving you back.
You decide that this isn't working.
The more you talk to him, the more you see him, the more your heart aches. The more you realise that this can go nowhere.
Something inside your chest feels like it's bent and twisted and you feel the strain and pull almost like an echo.
It hurts.
It hurts that he'll probably never know. No, he shouldn't ever know.
Though you're free from Orokin reign, you're still afraid. You think of the couple being torn apart all those years ago.
You don't think you can handle that.
And that's assuming he'll even reciprocate.
You decide you're going to forget. He'll just be a friend to you now. There was never a chance with him, you don't know what Khora saw. You think maybe she was trying to cheer you up.
That doesn't matter now.
You've made up your mind.
You're going to suppress your feelings for him, and you're going to just… be a friend. No matter how much this is gonna hurt.
And in the dim light of your link pod you feel a tear roll down your cheek.
