The silence is killing you.
It's been almost two weeks since you decided to try and stop loving him. And now he's avoiding you too.
There have been no calls in the orbiter, no snarky banter, no fun missions together.
And the silence is probably going to drive you insane.
At least Lotus is calling on you again.
She's sent you on a handful of missions with Frost recently, and he's… well. Cold.
He's very focused and stern and you suppose you needed that. After your missions with Limbo, you can barely hold back a joke or two now.
It's a good reminder, you think again, for actual missions where you should be focused on the task at hand.
It hasn't been comfortable.
Mirage's silence these past few days has been deafening too.
It's not as if she's stopped prodding your mind or sending little pulses your way. But it's... lessened. Both in frequency and in volume.
It feels weird. And you wonder if you've made the right choice.
Limbo wouldn't love her. And his operator wouldn't love you. Better to forget right now than to suffer the endless longing for the rest of your lifespan.
You can't deny it doesn't hurt though. The jokes that you force yourself to just nod and 'hmm' at. The times you said "stay focused" instead of replying to him.
No matter how good-natured you try and seem it's just painful.
But what did you expect? This isn't like tearing off a medipatch: It'll hurt until you finally get it through your head that he won't love you.
You grit your teeth and aim your guns up at the Grineer running your way.
You need a distraction. Some distance from him. That's why pairing with Frost was a good idea. He barely talks, barely makes witty comments. Barely even knows you.
"All clear here" he says over the comms.
"Clear on my end too" you reply.
"I'll meet you at extraction. I've got the data we need."
You want to reply but you just nod. And step over the bodies as you twirl your guns to reload. Just in case some trouble comes your way.
The interim is a dull existence.
No missions to go on, nothing new to do.
You do meet with Jathi though, in her orbiter. At this point it's been about three months since you last spoke.
"So what's new?" she asks, when you step out of your frame in the landing bay. She runs a hand through her dark hair.
She was built sturdier than you, with red-brown eyes and squarish features. She always kept her hair short, and it fluffed up in waves around her head.
Now she walks with you into her personal quarters, and she gestures for you to sit with her on the narrow couch.
"I've been running more missions with Limbo recently." you say, as she hands you a cup of tea.
"Yea. I saw you at the relay a while back. How is he?"
"He's uh… He's okay."
"That doesn't sound very okay."
"Well, it's not really his fault."
She squints at you. "What do you mean?"
"Long story."
"We got some time." she says, smirking, and she takes a sip of her tea.
It does take some time to explain yourself. And by the time you're done, the pot is empty and she's getting more hot water.
"So what you're saying is that you're being kind of a dumbass."
"Wh-"
"You like him- no you love him. And you don't want to take the chance to y'know, try?"
"He doesn't feel the same, what am I supposed to do?"
"Not be scared, for one." she says with a shrug.
You open your mouth to reply and she puts a hand up to stop you.
"Look, would you really rather not know and pine for the rest of your lifespan or would you rather get a definitive answer? If he doesn't feel the same, then too bad, you're a great catch in my book."
You shoot her a look.
"And if he does, then good for you."
You think for a moment.
And you nod.
Yes. you think. At least try.
Your next Mission from Lotus puts you back with Limbo. A mobile defence on Sedna this time. This shouldn't be too difficult.
Just keep your cool and it'll all be fine.
Or that's what you tell yourself as you step out of your orbiter and into the galleon. But then you see him, and your heart begins pounding loud in your chest.
"Mirage. Nice to see you again." he says a little coldly.
"Hey."
"I heard you ran a mission with Frost recently. How was he?"
"Quiet, actually. And really focused."
"That's… nice. I guess?"
You nod.
"Well. Shall we?" he says, gesturing to the rest of the path before you. And you nod again, taking off into a sprint beside him.
You dash through the ship. Some Grineer try to give chase but they're too slow.
That and Limbo's already taken down the bigger threats in the path ahead.
You round a corner and head to the terminal, inserting the datamass.
I'm in, Tenno. This will take a moment.
You heft up your Sybaris.
The Grineer fall in waves, and together you and Limbo cleave through the encroaching forces. You see his form waver for a moment, pulling a handful of Grineer into the rift with him, and out of the corner of your eye you see him methodically pull in each successive wave.
You call forth your doppelgangers with a smile.
You missed watching him.
By the stars that sounds creepy, you think, shrugging the thought off.
A bullet jump and a twirl puts you right beside him just as you shoot down an eviscerator. Another twirl and you down a scorpion that was trying to hook him.
"You missed one." you say, smiling.
He glances over at the corpse.
"So I did." he says.
The Grineer are beginning to swarm into the room again.
"Shall we?" you say, reloading your gun, the flirty lilt returning.
"Let's." he says, and in his voice you can hear his smile.
The dance begins, at first uncertain, and then your waltz resumes, as if you've never stopped.
Your energy glows bright, pink and blue streaks glimmer in the dim of the galleon's interior. They fall to your blades and bullets, with the sound of gunshots like applause to urge you on.
It's a welcome change.
And you think that this will pull him towards you, perhaps he'll love you as you love him.
You can feel Mirage's laughter bubble in the back of your throat again.
Mission complete, get to extraction.
"Time for us to take our bows." he says, and in his voice you hear joy.
You laugh. "Goodbye and farewell!" you giggle, and together you dart to extraction.
You take turns taking potshots at random Grineer you pass along the way. And with a promise to meet at Orcus, you step into your orbiters and fly away.
It's a quiet flight, and a short one.
But your chest feels light, and your lips pulled into a smile.
Limbo's ship docks about the same time yours does. And he tips his hat as he sees you.
"It's been a while since we've had such fun on a mission." you say.
"Yea. It has." he replies, a waver in his voice.
Though you aren't sure if it's an effect of the frame.
You wander the relay with him for a while, just catching up for the short time you were apart.
It's nice. You missed this.
And now with a little hope in both your hearts, you smile and laugh and joke. The ache of the weeks past slowly seeps away. You think he feels that too.
Every so often your hands brush, and you find your cheeks growing warm, silently thankful that he can't see your face.
It's when you head back to your orbiters that he speaks again.
"Mirage." He says, hesitant, as you stop to look at him. "I need to talk to you,"
Your heart pulses, thudding loud in your chest.
He glances down at his feet, "Did I do something? You avoid me half the time and suddenly we're back to normal? I'm- What is going on?"
You look at him. "I- "
You look away.
"Mirage, talk to me. Please?"
You can't. What would you say? What should you say? How would you explain this?
There's suddenly a blip of an idea.
"Follow me. I'll explain everything in a bit," you say, and step into your ship.
During your brief flight to Mars, you say nothing. You hear a crackle over your comms every now and then. As if he's trying to say something.
Your ship slows to a halt when you're floating above the planet, just off the rail.
You activate your comms. "Come to my orbiter."
"Alright…?"
"And- and be ready to step out of your frame."
There's a stunned silence, and for those few seconds you wonder if you requested too much. You wonder if you scared him away.
The silence lingers, and you feel it encroach like a swarm of daggers all aiming for your heart.
You open your mouth to speak, and are interrupted.
"Give me a few minutes."
The few minutes of pacing as you awaited the approaching archwing could almost be described as agonising. The echoes of Mirage's pulsing heart overlaid with yours nearly drove you into a sensory overload. As the seconds ticked by you wondered if he'd ever really show up.
And then you hear it. The sound of the launch bay turning.
All you get is a good two seconds of stepping towards him, when his operator unlinks from his frame and steps out.
You weren't quite prepared for that.
You did not expect Limbo's operator to be this handsome.
"Well? What did you want to talk about."
You are kind of stunned for a moment, looking into bright hazel eyes.
You take a deep breath. "Follow me."
You bring him to you link pod, and he gingerly steps into the room, uncertain or maybe unwilling to even be here.
Mirage stops walking as you unlink with her and you emerge.
You step outside, calm as you can manage. And you see him sharply inhale. It's slight, you almost miss it. You see him clench his fist, look away for a second.
You walk forward. Heart racing, no echo this time.
"I uhh… have some explaining to do."
"Clearly."
You nod, looking down, away, anywhere that isn't at him.
"Well? What did you want to say?"
You don't look at him as you say this. "I- I can't help but avoid you sometimes. I don't mean to. I- I just have to or I'll-" you inhale. "Get distracted."
He doesn't speak, doesn't move. You continue.
"It's not your fault. I just can't focus when I'm with you. You're so- You're amazing." you say, and finally look up.
He's got a strange look in his eye.
"When we fight together my heart races, when I see you I smile, even if it's just you passing by. When you took my hand, way back when, I-" you gulp. "I just…"
"What are you saying?" he asks, low and quiet, and his voice makes you want to melt.
You suppose this is the part where you metaphorically leap out a window.
"I think I love you."
There's stillness for a while. Where you do nothing but look at each other. You look at those eyes with the flecks of gold and green, you look at mussed brown hair and long lashes.
His lips move. But you don't register.
A smirk as he takes the two steps towards you and wraps his arms around you. He pulls you into an embrace and you stiffen and relax at the same time.
You have not had comfort in a very long time.
You gingerly curl your arms around him, heart still racing, lungs still burning.
And just when you wanted to lean your head onto his shoulder, he pulls away and smiles.
You want to dissolve at that smile.
His hand reaches up to caress your cheek. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for that."
You just. Blink at him. Not fully processing.
"I'm trying to say I love you too."
The next minute passes in a blur.
You just remember taking his hand.
Your heartbeat surges in your chest as you vaguely remember movement. You just feel a calming warmth fill your body, and a grip tighten on your hand.
Memory resumes when you are in your personal quarters standing before the meditation area.
And you suddenly just stop, and you look at him.
He stands before you in a suit of white and blue, edged in gold and glimmering like his eyes.
He reaches out, and you go to him. Stepping into his embrace once again. He's a bright contrast to you, you in blacks and deep purples. But what does that matter when all you see are those eyes, that smile.
You are but two figures silhouetted by stars.
"It's probably a rather odd time to ask your name." he says, pressing his forehead to yours.
You hold him a little tighter.
"Eona," you whisper.
"Eona. Lovely."
"What's yours?"
"Xanthos."
And you notice there's something different to his voice. There's not his usual charismatic confidence, nor the mildly flirtatious tone. It feels unnaturally natural, rid of the filters that accompany frame to frame conversations.
You stand in silence for a little longer. Just enjoying the feel of his hands around your waist. Shifting as if in tune with some imaginary music.
"I've- I've wanted this", you say softly.
"So have I. I've wanted this... for a long time" he replies.
He tips your chin up. And you watch him look at you, follow his eyes as trail across your features.
And he presses his lips to yours.
You stiffen for a moment. Not daring to move, not knowing if you can.
And then you kiss him back.
You kiss him like he's water in a desert. His lips are soft and he's so warm and he's holding you like the universe would end tomorrow.
He loves you. You think.
Before you finish the thought he kisses you harder, a confirmation.
You love him too. You think.
Now let's see where this goes.
It's quite a while after the first kiss that you finally break apart. Yet not fully: you lay beside him, nude and hands clasped. Watching the shape of his torso be outlined by stars.
You get up for a bit. And he watches as you grab a blanket from a nearby storage unit.
"Well you're awfully prepared for this." He quipped, a half smirk forming on his face.
You just toss the blanket to him and you climb beneath it; good thing you both had the mind to move the tea set first.
You curl up beside him, and he shifts so that he faces you. And lays a gentle hand on your waist.
You gingerly reach a hand to caress his shoulder, and slowly move it to his chest. You swear you can feel the heart beat beneath your palm.
The kisses that come after are slow and languid.
Not as needy as you thought, and soft as feather down. Something savoured after months of pining. A little requiem for a little death.
