The dreams that come after are strange.
You dream of warped butterflies. You recall, picturing Titania's companions, the little creatures that flutter around her, but not exactly, they glitch and scatter before reforming, their wings displaying images of… something.
Sometimes you dream of yourself reaching out to touch them, and they trigger more images when you do.
Once was a dream where you saw through the eyes of someone walking through a corridor, obviously of Orokin make, gilded gold and high ceilings. They turn a corner and head down a flight of stairs, past a twisted white tree.
Another was similar, through another's eyes but walking towards a big ship, a frigate possibly. You don't know.
There's a familiar spark of light as well, and a familiar feeling, as if someone was poking you with an invisible stick.
Just for that you get up and scrutinise Mirage after each dream, and her beady pink eyes seem to scrutinise you back.
You tell Jathi about him first.
"What did I tell you?" she says, smirking. You're back in her orbiter, with another cup of tea.
You nod, smiling. You're glad, you suppose without her, you wouldn't have your sweet boy now.
"Well I-" you start.
"You guys fucked yet?"
"Jathi!"
"I'm taking that as a 'yes'."
"Shut up."
She laughs, low and raspy. And you try and flush the warmth from your cheeks.
"Hey, I'm glad for you. You got yourself a lover."
"Yea," you reply, "I'm glad too."
Another dream comes after a storm on Cetus.
It takes a while to settle on your pile of blankets and pillows, now cushioning the hard base of the meditation area, and you drift.
The butterflies return again. And you reach out as a large one, wings glitched and body distorted, lands on your outstretched palm.
And you see.
You are… yourself. But a long time ago.
You had forgotten this happened.
You do, however, remember stepping into this place, a ship now infested. You were to clear the infestation and bring something back. Lotus was short on frames, the rest fighting bigger battles, or already teamed up.
You remember the sound of a scanner going off, and sentients pouring into the room. You feel your heart race, in the dream and in reality. You're struggling to wake up.
The sentients come, and you fight, Mirage calls forth her doppelgangers, and you take aim, blasting them to bits, and when the bullets run out you draw your blade.
She shreds them limb from limb, but reinforcements arrive.
The frame lets out a scream, far too real to be just a dream, and they pin you down.
You can feel your body try to move, try to wake up, just lift a finger and the rest of the arm will follow, but paralysis has taken you.
It's too real, you feel the sentient claws on Mirage's skin, the hooks that hold her to the ground, you smell the stagnant sludge and the decay of sickened flesh, you hear… a high screeching noise. A voice speaks from within your frame, but it's not yours.
We'll meet again, Lotus. One day.
And a white heat sears your being.
You jolt awake. A cold sweat soaks your skin and tears trail down your cheeks. You look over at your frame in the doorway, just standing guard.
Unfazed or maybe unknowing of what you dreamt.
You breathe, in and out, in and out, until a calm takes you once again.
Your missions are run almost exclusively with him now, and it's a nice existence.
In your frames you fight together, your gentle waltz now a spirited tango. Your laughter and banter now taking on a note of happiness, knowing that you found each other.
Out of your frames you spend most of your time together. Your frames standing watch together outside the door to your personal quarters, hands barely touching.
Within, you sit with Xanthos, watching the stars above Venus, wrapped in a blanket and each other.
You sit together in silence, just enjoying each other's company. You close your eyes as you lean against him, and you can feel his arm around you, fingers tracing shapes on your shoulder.
"That was a good mission." he says, and you feel his lips press against your head.
You smile and nod. "It was."
You're getting used to his voice out of his frame. And you suppose he's getting used to being out of his frame too.
"Do you… get dreams sometimes?" you ask, just staring out the window.
"I have a feeling you aren't talking about the usual dreams." he replies, and you can hear the smile in his voice.
"No"
"Probably not, then."
You nod.
"Do you… do you remember what it was like? Before Excalibur found your frame again?"
He shifts to give you a puzzled look. "Bits and pieces. Little fragments."
"What do you remember?"
You watch as he takes in a breath, he glances away for a moment before meeting your gaze once again.
"I remember… fighting. I have a vague memory of picking up a Destreza for the first time. And- and a file. Full of calculations." A chuckle, "though I don't remember how I managed to write all that."
He exhales through his nose and you see bronze eyelashes flutter.
"And you?" he smiles.
"I remember how I lost my frame."
You immediately feel Xanthos pull you closer, his other hand come to rest on your cheek.
"It's okay, I- I'm glad I remember. It hurt to do it but I'm glad."
He nods, uncertain.
Silence takes you again.
You shut your eyes, and a voice comes into your head.
We'll meet again, Lotus. One day.
And something inside you ticks.
There's a welling of something pulsing inside your chest. Like a lake pushing against a dam.
You let the floodgates open.
"What are we without memories? How do we have our distinct selves?" you ask, as your eyes open.
A pause.
"We are nothing. Our personalities are based on memories."
"And what if our memories are gone? What then?"
"We- we become different. No longer the people we once were."
You look at your hands, linked, staring at the way your fingers intertwine. "Then what of our frames then?"
"What?"
"They have personalities, they have little idiosyncrasies that make them unique to us. And us to them."
"O-okay?" he says, a questioning glint in his eye and concern on his face.
You look at your hands again.
He tilts your face up to meet his gaze, "You're asking odd things. Is something wrong?"
Your lips part to answer, then you shake your head.
"Eona, what is it? Is something wrong with Mirage?"
You think a moment, "What if… what if she isn't just a frame? What if she's got memories too?"
"But she shouldn't. Frames don't have memories."
"But they have thoughts, feelings, they poke and prod at our minds. There have to be some memories in there, even broken ones. Or they won't have the personalities they do… would they?" You glance up at him.
He's looking at you like you've got stars aglow in your eyes.
"But what if that's just us? Our own personalities just- imprinting on our frames? What if they're just mirroring how we are and how we think?"
"It can't be… I- I've seen things…"
"Things?"
"Memories, not mine but through another's eyes."
There's something in his eyes, almost like relief, but different.
Recognition.
"You've seen it too, haven't you?"
He nods.
"What did you see?" you say, excitement clear in your voice.
"I've seen… someone who is me and not me, walking in an Orokin compound. A headquarters or somewhere important. And I've seen, others, talked to them, nothing fancy, just one word or a sentence."
Xanthos inhales again, but shakily. "I remember seeing Dax. Lots of them, while passing a window…"
You look up with intrigue.
He speaks. "I think… I think I was one of them."
Something clicks inside you.
You nod. Silence takes you again, but not a tranquil one. There's a stunned buzz in the air.
"Those… those memories." he begins, glancing down at you. "Those weren't ours, were they."
You shake your head.
You glance back at the door.
"They remember too." you whisper.
"That explains so much." he continues.
You look back at each other, and a beat passes before he asks, "What are we going to do?"
There's a memory here. Something from before the war, a mote of light in the darkness that is your past.
It gives off a warm feeling, something that you remember fondly, but until now, you didn't remember at all.
Your mind's eye peers closer.
A memory unfolds, of a long corridor within an Orokin compound. Bright white torches like pulsars light the way as an overseer leads you by the hand.
He's tall and sculptured like all Orokin are. He's got a trailing cape on one shoulder. It's embroidered with metallic threads, and you long to just reach over and touch it. Just to feel its texture.
He grins down at you every so often as he walks with you, for you were a small thing then, and with his height and build, you felt smaller still.
You try and scratch at your skin, but they've made you wear this strange suit that made you feel like you were coated in gel.
"Just a little longer, little one." he says.
You were singled out from your batch. There were seven of you, and the other six watched with curious eyes as you were called forth and brought away.
You keep wanting to ask where you were going, but silence was good. Being obedient was good. So you kept your mouth shut as you went with him. And soon enough he brought you to a room. A small one, with the far end lined with pods. Mist filled them, swirled like a fog behind the glass.
He brings you to one of them, and he turns to you. Smiling again.
"This is a special present for you Tenno. Her name is Mirage, and we made her just for you."
He taps the panel beside the pod, and it opens.
Mist pours out, and you see this creature, monster, thing inside.
She's got pink and lilac skin and bony things coming out from her limbs. And those beady pink eyes that seemed to stare into your soul.
A scary thing, but beautiful. That much you knew, even at your young age, you knew.
"Go on, Tenno." the overseer says, gently nudging you, "Take her hand. You know what to do."
You blink at him for a while. Reaching out, but you hesitate, you glance up at him again, worry plain on your face.
"Don't worry, small one, she won't hurt you. She's yours."
You shake your head nervously, and the overseer makes a grimace, then a grin.
"Go on now, she was made specially for you. And we don't waste our gifts now do we?"
You shake your head again, in agreement this time.
"Don't be afraid Tenno. You're a survivor of the Zariman, you're a brave one. Aren't you?" he says.
You nod. And with a gulp you step closer and take her hand.
And your vision goes black as the tendrils of your mind reach into hers.
And you feel a prodding all around your mind, curious, questioning, judging. You almost jolt out of it but he like he said, you're a brave one. So you keep pushing to stay.
The prodding continues, and it takes apart your past and present, it pulls and peers into your memories, looking over and scrutinising everything you've ever done and everything you think you will do. And you feel the weight of a singular eye from a thousand points look over you.
Just as you think you need to let go and run, the prodding stops.
And silence takes you again. Slowly, slowly, the tendrils you think and extend grow into the creature's mind, taking to it like roots to fertile soil.
And then a single feeling emerges, from the creature, you know, and it feels like a welcome.
You let go of her hand and your vision returns to you.
Heart pounding, you look up at the overseer, who smiles at you, proud.
You sniff and reach up to wipe away the wetness at the corners of your eyes, and you put on a determined face.
"She's truly yours now, Tenno. No one else can have her." and he taps more buttons, and the pod closes once more. And he takes you back out of the room.
Along the way, he reaches an arm down and hands you a sweet, all pink and glossy and sticky like sweets should be.
And you take little nibbles of it on the way back, thinking, I am a survivor of the Zariman. I am brave.
An idea forms in your mind, like smoke, abstract. Then growing more corporeal, a ball of light and words, a thought. You dare not touch it, dare not say it. Even in your mind's quiet space you dance around the idea, and Mirage knows this too, for she joins you.
It doesn't take long for the idea to grow to a speaking size. A solid plan, possibly.
No… it could work. It might work.
You need to think, so you take a few deep breaths, and you open your comms.
"Xanthos?"
"Yes?"
"I have a thought."
