Grocery Games DiNozzo Style

The (mis-)adventures of the DiNozzo family at the grocery store. Late summer 2022.

Tony handed Ziva the loop end of the tether attached to a harness on Rivka; he wrapped the loop end of the second tether, attached to the harness on Beth, around his left wrist, as he adjusted LJ in the shopping cart seat. He made sure the 'safety belt' was fastened around the nine-month-old's waist before pushing the cart between the sliding doors of the supermarket.

"Abba, why do the twins have leashes?" Anthony wondered aloud.

"Remember last week when they climbed on that low shelf in the bread aisle and we couldn't find them?" Tony explained. "Ima found these tethers online. It gives them some freedom to move around, but with a physical connection to an adult, we can find them by following the tether."

Anthony thought about what his Abba said, "Did I ever have one of those?"

"You did not," Ziva smiled at her son. "When you were their age, it was just you and Tali. It was easier to keep track of just two of you."

Tony added as he tousled the boy's hair, "You weren't much of a wanderer either. Even when it was just you, Tali, and me doing the grocery shopping when your sisters were babies, you were good about staying with the cart."

"Oh," the boy glanced over at his sisters who were inspecting their new gear. "So, when LJ walks, will he have one too?"

"We shall see," Ziva handed her husband his half of the grocery list. She turned to her older two, "Time to choose if you are going with me or with your father."

Beth and Rivka each grabbed one of their Abba's legs, "ABBA!" Tony looked over at his wife with a nonverbal plea in his eyes. Ziva shrugged at him as Tali also moved by her father. Anthony stood next to his Ima and grinned; he would have Ima to himself!

Ziva handed Tony the loop end of the tether on Rivka, "Probably a good thing we bought these this past week. Tali will help you keep track of the girls, I am sure."

"Thanks," Tony tried not to sound too sarcastic; what could go wrong with two very active, very curious two- and one-half year olds, a ten-month-old, and an eight-year-old? "Alrighty, let's head to the pasta and rice aisle, the breakfast cereal aisle and then on to the crackers and cookies aisle. I think we have canned goods also."

The three girls followed him as he wheeled the cart with LJ towards the breakfast foods. He checked the list and noted that they needed raisin bran, o-shaped oat cereal, crispy rice, and oatmeal squares. He loaded the largest-sized packages into the cart as the twins picked up boxes of some of the sweetened cereals on a lower shelf.

"DIS, Abba…" Riv held up a package of sugary fruit flavored cereal with mini marshmallows.

"Nope; dis," Beth showed her Abba a package of chocolate and peanut butter flavored cereal.

Tony shook his head, "Sorry little ninjas, those are not on Ima's list. Too much sugar, I guess. We'll find some good snacks in the next aisle and I'll let each of you pick one to put in the cart. Please put the cereals back on the shelf."

"O-kay, Abba."

Tali helped her sisters replace the boxes on the shelves. She glanced at the bottom rack of the shopping cart and sighed. The twins had been putting items on the bottom from the various displays that they had passed by on the way to the cereal aisle. Tali saw boxes of dried fruit, a bag of dried lentils, two boxes of pasta, and dog treats. She got her Abba's attention and pointed to the underside of the cart.

"Holy crap!" Tony noticed the unintended items accumulated by the mini-Ninjas. "Beth, Rivka, listen to Abba." He squatted down to their level and made eye contact with each girl, "I know you want to help with the shopping, but please, only put things in our cart that we need to buy. I will hand you the items to put in, okay?"

'Note to self; shorten their tethers…' he made mental note as the two-year-olds solemnly nodded.

The good thing was that except for the dog treats, the items were all things the family could use. Tony put the box of dog biscuits in the child seat next to LJ to help remember to replace the box on the proper shelf or display.

He led the girls to the cookies and snacks aisle, stopping at the endcap display of goldfish crackers on sale at five for ten dollars. Each of the girls chose one flavor to add to the cart; Tali found her favorite pretzel goldfish, while the little girls chose the cheddar-flavored version. LJ pointed to the parmesan-flavored bag and grinned as his Abba added it to the cart. Tony also added a bag of pizza-flavored fish for Anthony.

"Abba?" Riv tugged at her father's pants leg. "Eat bishies now?"

Tony ruffled her hair with the hand that had her tether, "After we pay for them, lil ninja…" He felt a tug on his other arm and turned to see Beth trying to get another bag of the crackers from the display. "Whoa, little lady," he scooped her away from the shelves just as she started to climb up.

"ABBA! DOWN!" the youngest DiNozzo daughter pouted. "Mo' bishies."

The family made their way down the snacks aisle, adding two boxes of graham crackers, another five bags of goldfish crackers, an extra-large box of saltines, two family-sized bags of animal crackers, and three packages of chocolate sandwich cookies to the cart.

Tony was about to exit the aisle and turn towards the canned goods when a rather large woman blocked his path.

"Excuse me," he asked politely.

"NO! I will not excuse any man who sees a need to put a leash on a child. You are cruel and inhumane and I am reporting you for child abuse right now," the woman waved her cell phone at him. "What kind of parent or caregiver puts a freaking leash on a child?"

Tali looked between her Abba and the angry woman. Beth and Rivka sidled closer to their big sister as the children watched the scene unfold.

Tony didn't want a fight, he just wanted to shop with his kids in peace. "Ma'am, the tethers help me keep track of them. I got four here and another with his mother in the store. I…"

"Well, I never! Can't even keep track of your own kids, then why do you have so many of them? Bet your wife…"

"Ma'am; I really do not want to argue this with you. You mind your business and I will mind mine," Tony sighed. "Or would you rather that I left my kids loose to run all over the store?"

As he spoke, two boys about Tali's age ran up to the group and threw several bags of candy in the woman's cart. They then started arguing about who had the better choices of candy.

Tony watched as the woman ignored her children and the two boys started running down the snacks aisle sweeping boxes off the shelves as they ran by with an outstretched arm. They almost knocked over an elderly woman as they zig-zagged between carts at the other end of the aisle.

"Dem boys bad!" Rivka declared as she pointed at the pair.

The woman huffed and glared at the little girl, causing Riv to grab on to her Abba's leg in fear.

"Bad lady," Beth shook a finger at the woman and scowled. Nobody was going to get away with being mean to her twin. NOBODY… "You a meanie head."

Tali glanced at the DiNozzo shopping cart and tried to get her father's attention, "Abba!"

"Just a minute, Tali. Let me finish with this person who seems to want to judge me for caring about my kids while her own little demons run loose in the store and terrorize other shoppers." Tony turned towards the woman about to ask her once again to let him pass by with his family.

"No, Abba; now… LJ's eating the dog treats!" Tali pointed to her baby brother who had a bone-shaped dog treat in hand and was gnawing on the end of it.

Tony abruptly turned back to his own cart, "Aw jeez…" He didn't say out loud what he was really thinking; kids had a way of parroting curse words. "LJ, give Abba the dog treat," he held out his hand as he moved closer to the baby. "Please give Abba the doggie biscuit." He knew that just grabbing the bone-shaped treat from LJ would end in tears and probably loud wailing.

"Kids on leashes, babies eating dog food; what kind of parent are you?" the woman screeched at him.

Ziva turned from the opposite direction into the aisle and quickly assessed the situation. She turned to the woman, "The kind of father who would move the moon and the stars for his children."

LJ stubbornly clung to the dog biscuit as Tony tried to get it from the little boy. He was about to just grab the food when Ziva and Anthony came around the corner. LJ held out the now drool-covered treat to his Ima with a grin.

"Toda, LJ," Ziva took it from his hand. She turned to her husband, "Why does LJ have a dog treat?"

Tony sighed heavily, "Long story, but I guess we'll have to buy this box of them now. Since Asher can't have them, we can give them to the dogs in the K-9 unit at NCIS, if you want."

"Daisy likes that kind," Anthony noted. Daisy lived across the street at his friends' house. The Border Collie sometimes came over with the two boys to play with Asher. "We could give them to her."

Ziva nodded at her older son, "That is a good idea. We can decide at home." She was about to ask Tony how much more he had on his list when the woman's two boys appeared with the store manager.

"Ma'am, you must keep your kids under supervision; I've had multiple complaints about them running through the aisles and nearly knocking over our shoppers," the manager began.

Tony motioned for his family to follow his lead and turned to navigate back down the snacks aisle, "That's our cue to make an exit…"

The DiNozzos finished their shopping quickly and headed to the check-out lanes. They chose the lane with their favorite cashier, an older man, who always chatted with the kids as he rang up their order. Two hundred fifty-three dollars and change later, the family wheeled the bagged groceries to the minivan to head home.