WARNING:
Panic Attacks, Depressing and Self-Deprecating Thoughts


Chapter 14: Asta

Asta didn't expect to find himself sitting between a maskless Zora and his foster brother Gauche at the Vermillion Family's large garden at a bonfire after the basketball game. Zora's dad Zara told Zora to invite his friends to come to the celebration of the big games of the season. It was also the celebration for Kirsch, whose last game it had been. Zara and William bought tons of pizza, while Kirsch and Mimosa's parents provided soda, water, juice, and desserts and the place for the party.

It was kind of too loud for Asta, which was why he was between Gauche and Zora, who both had the tendency to keep people away from them.

"You good, shrimp," asked Zora, giving him another water.

Asta nodded his head.

"He just wants to go and talk to Yuno," said Gauche, sneering. Gauche hadn't been too thrilled with the idea of Yuno and Asta playing basketball on the weekends, leading up to Yuno's return to the game.

Asta glared at Gauche. Sure, he wanted to congratulate Yuno on a well-played game and his new position. He knew that Yuno was amazing enough to get the Varsity spot he wanted, but Asta saw him surrounded by his teammates and friends. Yuno had more than enough people crowding him, what need did Yuno have for Asta?

Zora reached around Asta to pinch Gauche's arm hard. Gauche glared at Zora. Zora frowned. "You need me to get Secre, Asta?"

Asta shook his head. Zora, despite his usual prickly personality, was observant and usually knew when Asta's mood soured. He shouldn't be upset when the basketball teams all won their games against the other schools and Yuno was happy.

"Alright, but just let me know. She's there with the girls," said Zora, gesturing to where the girls' basketball teams, the cheerleaders, family of the team, and friends/girlfriends were grouped together, eating the cupcakes. Secre was currently sitting between Noelle and Mimosa and she seemed to be having fun. There was no need to ruin her fun to deal with Asta and his emotional bullshit.

Asta quickly grabbed Zora's hand and squeezed it to let Zora know that he appreciated the thought and care. Zora wasn't good with physical affection (he got embarrassed by it), but he usually made exceptions for Asta, Magna, and Charmy.

"Yeah, yeah, you're welcome," said Zora, pulling his face mask up over his mouth, but failing to hide his blush. He mumbled his breath. "Embarrassing idiots, all of you."

Finral walked over with trays of cupcakes and a plate of cookies. "Grabbed some before the girls ate them all. Mimosa's mother made these sugar-free cookies for you, Asta." Finral placed the plate of cookies in front of him.

Asta cracked a smile.

"There's your smile," said Finral, cheerfully. He sat across from them at the fold-up table you often see at big parties and school events. The Vermillion had the money to rent these or buy them after all. "Sooo, Zora, what's your plan now?"

"For what," asked Zora, grunting.

Asta looked confused between his two older friends.

Finral grinned. "About your big, fat, monster crush on you-know-who."

"Shut up," Zora hissed. "Not right now. Asta doesn't need to hear this."

Zora had a crush on someone? Zora, the most antisocial person other than Gauche at school? Zora, who took Valentines' Day off claiming it gave him hives?

Asta smiled softly. The person must be awesome for Zora to like them. But he wasn't going to write that down, because if Zora's glare had been Superman's heat-vision, Finral would be barbeque Finral with how hard Zora glared at him.

Finral put his hands up in a placating manner. "Geez, geez, alright, I get it. But you really need to do something. And soon."

"You'll miss your chance, if you're too much of a coward," said Gauche, unhelpfully.

"I know," Zora snapped. "Pester Gauche about Grey instead, Finral."

"Hey! Mind your business," Gauche snapped right back.

Asta shook his head. Those three were such good friends, even if they teased each other a lot. As Gauche bickered with his two friends, Asta's eyes wandered over to the center of attention with the boys' basketball teams. Yuno and Langris were in the center. With Langris as the new Captain and Yuno as the new Varsity Starting Point Guard, the two were getting a lot of attention from their teammates. Yuno wasn't an overtly expressive person, but Asta knew he was happy.

Yuno had a small smile on his face and a pleased look in his eyes.

Ah, there's the feeling of inadequacy, Asta said, as his chest felt tight and the sugar-free cookies that Mimosa's mother so kindly made for him sat uneasily in his stomach. His therapist always told him to name the emotion he felt so he understood it better. Why was Yuno friends with him?

Asta grabbed Gauche's hand and squeezed it three times, which was their signal for "I want to go home now." Gauche stopped bickering and glanced down at Asta. "Yeah, okay, we're going. Later, losers."

"Get home safe," said Finral, giving Asta a sympathetic look. Finral was prone to panic attacks himself, so he had a bit of understanding when Asta wasn't having a good day.

"Call us if you need anything," said Zora, nodding. "Take deep breaths, Asta. Gauche, you'd better take care of him."

"I know," said Gauche. "Do you want to say good-bye?"

Asta shook his head and yanked on Gauche's arm.

"Right," said Gauche. He glanced at Finral and Zora. "I'll text you later." Gauche and Asta quickly left the Vermillion grounds. Once they were away from the party, Asta eased up on holding so tightly on Gauche's hand. "Are you okay? Should I call Vanessa?"

Asta shook his head. Miss Vanessa was working as it was Friday night. There was no reason to bother her when there was nothing seriously wrong with Asta.

Gauche grimaced, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head again.

"You'll have to talk about it at therapy," said Gauche, mindfully. "Anyway, let's go home. Sister Theresa can get off babysitting Marie early."

Asta nodded. As Gauche guided Asta home, the pain in his heart didn't go away. He knew it was an imaginary pain, but the thought that Yuno would be too busy for him now hurt a lot. Asta knew that Yuno would try to stay friends with Asta, but he was Varsity and he had friends already. What did he need Asta around for? Yuno was a star in the making and Asta was nothing.

"I'm calling Vanessa," said Gauche, abruptly pulling out his phone. "And I need you to breathe, Asta. In and out."

Asta whimpered, knelt, and held his chest, breathing in and out like Gauche said, as his foster brother snapped at Vanessa's manager on the phone.

I am such a burden.

"Asta! Asta, hey, Vanessa's coming, breathe."

Asta's vision blurred as he heard Gauche talking to him, but not the words, just the sound of him talking.

"Asta!"

He heard Gauche yell just before everything went dark.

~to be continued


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Let me know what you think.
The next chapter will be out on June 25th