Are you there, God? it's me Arizona. I haven't prayed to you a lot, and I'm sorry. Maybe I should do it more, but I was brought up to believe in country, in being a good man in a storm, in the power of sacrifice to save lives and now I am trying to be the good man and I don't think I can be. I don't think I am strong enough, to do this, so I am turning to you. You see God, I need something, and that's not different today.

I prayed when I crashed the car, when Callie was in the OR, they were operating and it wasn't looking good. I turned to you then, I prayed harder than I ever had before, and you came through, she was okay and so was Sofia. I should have believed then, prayed more, prayed harder, prayed every day, but I didn't.

The next time I prayed was the plane crash, I prayed we'd be found, that I would see Callie and Sofia again. I prayed we would make it, Mark and I and that I'd keep my leg. I guess there are some miracles even you can't perform. Maybe because that prayer was for me and not Callie, maybe I need more prayers banked before miracles. I don't know how this works. Do you build up credit?

Now I'm praying again, this time it's not as big, I'm not sure you even know who I am, or if you hear my prayers. Callie says you do that my work saving tiny humans has made you aware, but I don't feel like a good person, I don't feel like you know who I am, I'm nobody to you. But you know my ex wife and my daughter really well. She prays a lot Callie, so does my daughter every night, and now I am praying. I leave New York tomorrow and they are staying here, God I am dreading it, please give me the strength to say goodbye, give me the strength to walk away, and let them be happy.

That's all I want, I don't even have to be happy I don't think I ever will again, not really, not without them. But Callie and Sofia they deserve to be happy and Callie can't be happy here, so please God give me strength to walk away, to let them be happy, to not suffocate them anymore. Please I know Callie and Sofia are all I need to be happy but I don't make them happy anymore, please let Penny make them happy. Please God hear my prayer.

Thanks,

Amen.

Arizona arrived home, if they gave Oscars to normal people she would have surely won one with her performance today. Best performance of a female whose heart was broken, smashed to smithereens, not that her ex-wife or daughter could tell. They'd been to see Sofia's school, checked out the local playground and ice cream parlour before going to the airport. Callie and Sofia had insisted walking her to security,

"Goodbye Callie be happy, take care of Sofia, and I'll see her at Christmas" Arizona had said to Callie, giving her a quick hug, inhaling the scent she had fallen in love with. Before letting go, Callie wasn't hers anymore.

Then she had knelt next to her daughter, somehow finding the strength to hold back the tears, even when her daughter was crying.

"I love you so much, I'll ring you every day, and we can video call." She promised, "look after Mamma for me" Arizona told Sofia hugging her tightly, holding her for minutes as she desperately tried to commit to memory everything about her daughter, knowing when she next saw her in person she'd be 3 months old.

"I love you too Mommy" Sofia said. With courage she didn't know she possessed, Arizona stood walking away from her family, walking away from the loves of her life, the source of her happiness, not looking back not giving into her desire to run to Callie on her knees sobbing begging for one more chance. She had kept her self-respect, she had done it, she had left her family, left them to be happy.

Even if that was without her.

Just a one shot, i always thought about the pain Arizona felt leaving her family in New York, flying home without them.