Questions

Colleen is getting her 'falling off a log'-talk, but with someone rather unusual…

I hope you enjoy reading this short piece as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, reviews are very welcome.

Disclaimer - All characters of DQMW belong to Beth Sullivan and the creators of the show. I don't own them, just borrowing them.

Colleen had questions. Not just any questions, but questions of a very delicate nature. These last days, a steady, nagging nervousness has taken over, and she could hardly fight it anymore. She felt like she was exceptionally poorly prepared for an exam, like she didn't even know what the exam was about. What if she would end up… disappointing him or embarrassing herself? She needed answers. True, she could just ask her mother. She was a doctor, and married, and knew all about it. But no, Colleen knew she couldn't stand her mother looking at her with that 'I told you so'-look on her face. Colleen could also just ask her fiancé, he was a doctor, too, after all. But no, definitely no, that would just be too embarrassing, at least for now. And he wouldn't know the answers to all of her questions anyway. Expanding the radius beyond medically trained persons, she could also seek advice from a good friend, like Miss Dorothy or Grace. But they would surly tell Dr. Mike afterwards, and she didn't want that to happen. Colleen shortly considered to write a letter to Myra. In fact, the telegraph officer's ex-wife would've been a good candidate, but it would take many days for a letter to travel to St. Louis and back again. And Colleen didn't have days, but merely twenty-four hours before she and Andrew would get married. The same was true for Emma. And besides, Colleen didn't even know where Emma was right now. If her aunt Marjorie would still be around, yes, she would've been the perfect confidant. Thinking of her aunt who had died during the epidemic reminded her again of her best friend. Oh Becky, if only you would still be here. She wouldn't know any of the answers either but she would've been by her side to help her through it. Shortly, the thought of Becky nearly threatened to overwhelm her. Sadly, neither Becky nor Marjorie were there anymore. So, whom else could she ask? Colleen's gaze drifted out of the window of her mother's clinic towards the opposite side of the street. Right in front of her stood the saloon, the epitome of sin and indecency, harboring a wealth of information that Colleen so eagerly desired. Hank's girls would definitely know all about it. But Colleen couldn't just walk into the saloon without anyone seeing her. After all, it was the middle of the day. And what would Hank say? Also, her mother would be back soon from checking on a patient and she would surly wonder at Colleen's absence. But she could also not go there at night, that would be totally improper. And besides, at night was probably the busiest time of the day anyway (oh what was she even thinking).

It was then with a mixture of shock and disbelief that Colleen saw one of the girls leave the saloon and walk towards the clinic, a handkerchief wrapped around her left hand. Seconds later, there was a knock on the door. Colleen quickly went to open the clinic.

"Oh, hello. Is Dr. Mike around?" asked the young woman. She had a scarf draped around her shoulders, scarcely hiding her lace-trimmed corset which wasn't neatly laced up at all and therefore exposed a lot of her décolleté and camisole underneath.

"Uh, no. She's with a patient right now. But maybe I can help?" Colleen suggested tentatively, gesturing inside.

"I guess so," and with that, they entered the clinic together.

"What happened?" asked Colleen, as her patient sat on the examination table, still holding her hand.

"I cut myself on a broken glass. Hank insisted I should get it checked." She rolled her eyes in indignation. "Well, ain't much going on anyway right now."

Colleen gently unwrapped and examined the wound. "The cut isn't deep, it won't need stitches. But I'd like to clean it to reduce the likelihood of infection."

"Sounds fine to me." The woman watched Colleen for a while as she went to collect all items she might need. "I'm Violet by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Violet. I'm Colleen."

As Colleen got to work, Violet asked, "You're Dr. Mike's daughter who's going to study medicine, right?"

"Uhm, yes, that's right," Colleen answered, a little bit surprised that Violet knew that. But then, Miss Dorothy had just written an article about her, maybe that's how she'd heard about it.

They were both quiet for some time as Colleen carefully wiped the cut with a cloth dipped in carbolic acid.

"And… you're the one who's marryin' the Doc tomorrow, isn't it?" Colleen stopped wiping the wound and looked up in astonishment.

"It's not that we don't notice what's goin' on in this town, ya know," Violet said, a little annoyed.

"Oh. Yes, of course," Colleen stuttered.

"Nervous?" she smirked. Somehow Colleen knew that Violet didn't particularly mean the wedding day. She hesitated.

Violet laughed and patted her hand that was still holding the cloth. "Of course ya are. I sure was. And it wasn't great. But then again, it wasn't with someone as nice as the Doc, so I guess you'll be fine."

Colleen startled. Wait, did she know Andrew? Surly, Andrew would never… Or would he?! "You know him?" Colleen asked, trying her best to sound casual.

"No, not really. I mean I've seen him sometimes in the saloon. He looks real cute." Colleen's eyes widened in shock. "That is, I've seen him once, at Jake's bachelor party. And nothin' happened if that's what you're concerned about," she said grinning.

Colleen relaxed visibly and finished wiping Violet's wound. She seems kinda nice, Colleen thought while she wrapped the hand with a clean bandage. And this might be her best chance. So she mustered all her courage and asked, "So, uhm…, how is it?" She felt the blush creep into her face, but kept her eyes fixed on Violet's face.

"Doin' it with a man? Well, mostly it's alright. When it's with someone ya care about it's even fun, I guess."

"Really, also for the woman?" Colleen whispered. That was one thing she's been worrying about, that it was only something she was supposed to endure as a wife.

"Yeah, of course." Violet hesitated before she continued, "Ya know, I got the impression that the more ya enjoy it (or pretend to, she thought), the more they enjoy it, too."

Colleen was quite intrigued. "Really? How, uhm, how do I do that? Enjoying it, I mean."

Violet smirked again. "Now we're talkin'." She leaned back on her healthy hand and crossed her legs, clearly enjoying the fact that she was the knowledgeable person now. "I would say the most important thing is that you relax. It won't help when you're all stiff and tense. Start with kissin' and touchin'. Men love to touch certain parts, and lookin' at ya, well, you seem well equipped…" She winked and Colleen blushed heavily. "And you can also undress and touch him if you want. They usually like that. Take it easy. And when you feel ready you can take the next step."

Colleen was hanging off Violet's every word. "How do I know that I'm ready?"

Violet was scrutinizing the woman in front of her. She looked so young and innocent, naïve even. She couldn't just burst Colleen's bubble and destroy all her innocence with naughty sex talk. Somehow, she found she even liked her to a certain degree. Admittedly, she was almost annoyingly pretty, and smart and kind, but Violet liked the fact that she had the guts to actually consult with her. But how could she be frank without being inappropriate?

"Well, ya just… I don't know. You feel like you want more, need more. That feelin', it usually starts, ya know, down there. And your body is starting to respond to help with the… act. So I guess that's how ya know that you're ready. And it's not difficult to recognize if the man's ready." She laughed.

It took Colleen a moment to collect her thoughts before she had the courage to ask another question. "And then…?" Despite all her embarrassment she still didn't want to come off as completely ignorant, so she quickly added, "I mean, I know how it's supposed to be done, but how long does it take and… and what exactly do you do?"

Violet raised her eyebrows. Isn't she a curious one? "As to how long it takes, well that depends. Usually, when they're real eager, and that's mostly the case when they come to me, it only lasts a couple of minutes. But it doesn't have to be that way. I guess it's also a matter of practice. The more often you do it the longer he'll be able to, ya know, last. And what to do… well, you just move and kiss and touch and talk, whatever ya want. Sometimes I find it's like ridin' a horse actually, the movements I mean."

"What?!" Colleen couldn't keep herself from giggling nervously, and Violet joined her tittering. I'll never be able to ride a horse again without thinking about that, Colleen thought.

What… what do you mean by last?" Colleen asked, remembering Violet mentioning that word.

"Well, you know, the end… the finish, when the men… Oh, you must've heard about that?!" Violet stated.

"You mean… procreation?" Colleen whispered.

Violet shrugged her shoulders. "I guess that's how you'd call it."

Colleen was biting her lower lip nervously. Strangely enough, Violet felt a little sorry for the young bride-to-be. "Don't fret. You'll be fine. Just enjoy bein' together with him. Don't be shy, just…, just let yourself go. It's really nothin' to be ashamed of." Even when you're earning your money with it, Violet thought.

Colleen's imagination ran wild and she pictured herself and Andrew together, unrestrained by any clothes, his hands on her body and his lips on her mouth… She needed to take a deep breath to calm down.

Then she remembered one last question, the all-important question of all. "How do I, uhm, I mean, is there a way to prevent a pregnancy?"

Now, it was Violet's time to be surprised. "You wanna know how to prevent havin' babies? I thought ya proper young ladies can't wait to have a family?"

"Well, yes, it's just that I, uhm, I'd like to finish my studies first," Colleen answered a little defensively. To be honest, that part has been worrying her most, and that was why she also didn't want to ask her mother. It had been Dr. Mike who had pointed out that a pregnancy and a baby would surly put Colleen's studies on hold for a long time. And Colleen, still floating on cloud nine, hadn't even thought about it at all when she had accepted Andrew's proposal. And now, that her Ma had relented and the wedding wasn't postponed after all, the issue of birth control was still in Colleen's head. Yes, she wanted to marry Andrew, she loved him so much, and yes, she also wanted everything that went with it, but she also wanted to go to medical school and become a doctor. And she knew that there were ways, otherwise Hank's girls would've new babies all the time, right?

"Maybe ya should ask Dr. Mike about that," Violet dodged.

"Please, I wanna know. I don't mean to disrespect the sanctity of marriage. I just want to… I guess I'm just stretching its interpretation a little," Colleen explained sincerely. Wouldn't God want her to help others as much as he would want her to carry her husband's children? And what better way to help others than as a fully trained doctor…

Violet considered that for a few seconds, then shrugged her shoulders. "I guess it's your decision. And it's not like I care much about the sanctity of marriage anyway," she laughed. "Well, we usually use a sponge, dipped in vinegar. But that's maybe too invasive for you, especially for the first time. Maybe you just stick with countin' the days. The first few days after your monthly has ended are the safe ones, ya won't become pregnant then. The risk is highest in the middle and near the end of your cycle."

It took Colleen a few minutes to digest all these information. From her books, she already knew that there were days where the chances of conception are higher than others. But she didn't know that it followed a certain pattern. "And it really works?"

"Yeah, mostly. Of course, only when you're fairly regular… Are ya?"

"Uhm, yes. I am." It hasn't always been like that, but in the last years her cycle has leveled to a reliable 28-days span. Luckily.

"Then, here ya go," Violet said matter-of-factly. "Do ya have any more questions? 'Cause I really need to go now. Hank's probably wonderin' where I am…"

"Oh, sure." Colleen snapped out of her musings. "Just let me fix that quickly." She checked the bandage, then moved aside so that Violet could hop off the table. "You should come back in two days to check the wound. If you get a fever or feel any itching, you should definitely come by earlier though. But I think you'll be fine."

Violet started to pull out her purse but Colleen held her back. "That's alright, really. You've given me so much… information. Consider that as a payment."

"Alright!"

Colleen walked her out. At the door, Violet turned around. "Well… good luck with the Doc tomorrow. Make sure you'll knock his socks off." She winked before existing the clinic, leaving a dumbfounded Colleen behind.

Equipped with all the new information Colleen found she was more relaxed than she'd been in days. Tomorrow she and Andrew would embark on a journey that would bring them both joy and happiness, in mind, heart and body, and as Colleen absentmindedly cleaned the examination table, she realized that she could now truly anticipate it, all of it.