Chapter 2: Succumb
They had tasted the forbidden fruit and there was no going back. The floodgates had irrevocably opened, and she and Sirius couldn't get enough of each other. Whenever they managed to slip away from their friends, they would be together.
They would exchange looks during meals, steal kisses between classes, and sometimes they would just be passing in a corridor when Sirius would throw her up against the wall, or Lily would drag him into an empty classroom and they would have their way with one another. It was truly a miracle they hadn't been caught in the act.
It wasn't all physical though. Late at night when they had the common room to themselves, they would sit by the glowing embers and just talk. It was one these nights that Lily brought up the topic of sorcerers again – practitioners who had managed to become either Light or Dark.
"What I don't get is why there aren't more. Surely loads of purebloods dabble in the Deep Magicks. Why don't they qualify?"
"Oh, they all try," Sirius said with no small irony, "but they aren't pure enough."
Lily let out a startled snort, imagining how well that revelation would go down with some of the purebloods in their year. "You said only someone with a pure spirit qualifies to be a sorcerer?" she asked leadingly.
"Right." He made himself comfortable on the couch, throwing an arm on the headrest, and Lily snuggled in closer to his side. "Blood purity is all bollocks. It's only purity of the soul and magic that matters, and even then, it doesn't really affect the common witch or wizard at all. You can be a terrific wizard without being a sorcerer. Purity is – it's difficult to describe."
He paused as he gathered his thoughts.
"Purity is living your life to true to yourself. It's about having convictions and acting on them, about following your heart, no matter the obstacles you have to go through to do it."
He swallowed, and Lily's heart went out to him. She thought of his family and how he no longer spoke to them, of how he was the first Black in Gryffindor ever, of how he lived wild, brilliant, and bold - and let no one tell him otherwise.
"The world will try to bring you down, try to tame you and force you in directions you don't want to go," he told her in a hushed voice, something indescribably captivating about him. Lily was mesmerised, "but a sorcerer will never allow that. They might pretend, they might lie and deceive and trick the world into thinking otherwise. But at the end of the day, sorcerers are sovereigns of their own souls."
His words pierced her, and she thought of how she had never let Petunia's bile stop her from being proud of herself and her magic. Of how she ruthlessly cut Severus out of her life, ending years of friendship as soon as it became clear he was planning on joining a group who sought to kill her kind. How she could never stand back where she saw injustice in front of her, how she delved into magic others were afraid to touch because she wanted it with a desperation even she didn't understand.
"You're a rare witch, Lily. The rarest of them all." For some reason, Sirius looked a bit melancholy.
She scowled fiercely; this better not be his way of hinting they don't belong together.
"I'm not any better or worse than anyone else." But sometimes it felt like everyone thought she was. The purebloods sneered and hated her because she dared to be everything a mudblood shouldn't be. Others thought that because she was pretty, popular, and good at magic, she was to be set on a pedestal.
"I'm just – just Lily."
Sirius surprised her by smiling, gently pushing back a lock of hair from her face. "That's right, you're Lily Evans. And that's why you deserve far better than me."
Lily frowned. She hadn't thought Sirius, who always seemed so cocky and sure, thought so poorly of himself. The more she learned of him, the more fascinated she became. Sirius was such a study of contrasts; confident yet insecure, unflinching in his conviction yet still uncertain of who he was, willing to do anything for his friends yet capable of being remorselessly cruel to his enemies.
"I'm the only one who gets to decide that," she said firmly, leaning in to plant a kiss on his jaw. "Besides, the same way I'm Lily Evans, you're Sirius Black."
Instead of bringing his trademark cocky smile to his face, he looked pained.
"Sirius Black," he sighed his name, like it was a burden he wore instead of badge of honour. "I'm only this way because I'm a Black – we're all like this. My family are more… intense than others. My cousin Bellatrix – well, you probably remember her. Then there's Andromeda, who ran away with muggleborn as soon as she graduated, leaving behind everything she had grown up knowing."
Sirius' face was shadowed as he spoke of his family.
"For a Black, it's all or nothing. There is no middle ground."
Lily gently turned his face her way. "You may live as boldly as your family, but you're different. It's not your family that's special – it's you, Sirius."
Her words chased away some of the moroseness on his face, and he sent her that crooked grin of his that always set her heart aflutter.
"Besides, is it such a bad thing, to be Black?" she asked, because she didn't think so. She admired how deeply Sirius felt, knew that his loyalty to any cause he believed in was unshakeable.
"It can be. They call it the Black madness, but it's not madness, not really. It's a drive. It's obsession. It's the way we can't control ourselves, can hold nothing back when we truly want something."
Sirius' grey eyes reflected the firelight as he looked steadily at her.
Sitting in the Gryffindor tower high above the wondrous castle of Hogwarts, Lily was keenly aware of how magical her life was. She was even more aware of how magical Sirius was, how he was something extraordinary in an already miraculous world.
"Blacks always get what we want. Or we die trying."
If he was trying to scare her off, it had the complete opposite effect.
Instead, a sudden longing to be something he truly wanted hit Lily with the force of a bludger. She wanted Sirius to want her just as desperately as his cousin must have wanted her muggleborn lover, so much so that he would let nothing get in his way of claiming her.
Not his family. Not his friends.
Not even a dark lord.
She wanted it so badly it hurt.
They didn't manage to keep their new relationship a complete secret.
Sirius sat at the front of the Transfiguration classroom, separated from his friends – Professor McGonagall had sat each of the boys in the four corners where they would cause less trouble. Lily had been sneaking what she thought was subtle glances in Sirius' direction where he was vanishing his iguana with ease, when Professor McGonagall stopped in front of her.
"Miss. Evans, eyes on your own work please."
The redhead jolted, and a look at her teacher told the witch McGonagall had seen her ogling Sirius. She flushed crimson, mumbling an affirmative, mortified. Lily failed to vanish her own iguana for the next few minutes before chancing a glance to the front again.
Sirius was looking back at her, a knowing grin on his lips, and Lily shot him a glare. He waggled his eyebrows before turning to his work, and she got back to hers, fighting a smile of her own.
McGonagall wasn't the only teacher in the know; Lily was pretty sure Professor Flitwick knew, and there was that time Sirius took a bludger to the ribs during the quidditch match against Slytherin and was in the hospital wing overnight. Madam Pomfrey had drawn back the curtains around his bed only to get the shock of her life when she saw Lily on top of Sirius snogging his lights out.
Madam Pomfrey had yelped and smashed the potion she was holding, Lily shrieked and tumbled off the bed, and Sirius swore and banged his head against the wall. It was embarrassing all around.
But mostly they were able to snatch moments alone, helped by Sirius' uncanny ability to find her anywhere in the castle. He would smirk secretively when she got annoyed and he wouldn't tell her how he was doing it. Even after Lily warded herself from scrying spells, he still managed to track her down.
He found her when she was working on the finishing touches on a charmed fishbowl – weaving the incredibly complex animation spells of her goldfish – and she was focusing so intently she didn't hear Sirius come in.
A pair of warm hands appeared, arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her against a chest. Lily startled but recognised the smell of Sirius' shampoo and relaxed into his hold, her heart immediately beating faster.
You'd think she'd have built up some resistance to him by now, but no. The Black never failed to make her body react to him, and sometimes it annoyed Lily that she couldn't keep herself under control. Mostly, though, she enjoyed the affect he had on her.
"Still working on ole Sludge's gift?"
"Sirius," she chided, "you know not to interrupt me when I'm enchanting. What if I'd been in the middle of a tricky spell?" He rumbled a throaty laugh that she both felt and heard, and heat fled lower. "And you shouldn't call him that."
He chuckled again, pressing a kiss to her neck. Lily barely managed to keep her eyelids from fluttering shut.
"You're such a teacher's pet," he said teasingly. "I can't believe you've spent so long on this. It's a wicked piece of magic though, but don't you think it's wasted on Slughorn?"
When Lily didn't respond, his hold loosened slightly. "Lily?"
She shuffled uncomfortably. "It's not just for Slughorn. It's - well. It's a demonstration and insurance that he'll remember me after I graduate. I'm not blind to how difficult it is to get hired as a muggleborn."
Lily glanced away, embarrassed and ashamed, instantly regretting saying anything. It was a common networking practice to give gifts, but she felt pathetic for admitting to pandering to Slughorn. It felt like she was giving in to all those purebloods, like she was debasing herself in some way.
Sirius cupped her cheeks, raising her head until she had to meet his burning gaze.
"You're brilliant, Lily. Wicked smart and a true charms prodigy, you can do anything you put your mind to. Anyone who would turn you away simply because you're muggleborn isn't even worth your contempt." He was staring at her fiercely, as if he wanted to engrave his words into her soul. His conviction and belief in what he was saying was practically tangible.
Lily felt her heart swell. Overcome and eyes bursting with unnamed emotions, she rose to her tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips. Once again, she felt wonder at how Sirius had managed to become the man he was today, instead of the man he was expected to be.
"Sirius…"
Lily was sure her expression was something she would have been embarrassed to see on another, much less on her own face. Sirius understood all the words that went unspoken, his own expression reflecting impossible fondness.
They'd just sat a Transfiguration test and Lily was getting fresh air with Alice in the courtyard when her friend said something that made her laugh. Snow drifted and caught in her hair, glimmering jewels upon deep red, and the cold had turned her cheeks pink. She was smiling widely, green eyes gleaming, and she felt his burning gaze across the small plaza.
Sirius was staring, staring as if he was seeing eternal damnation and salvation all at once. As if she was great and terrible and everything he had ever wanted. He looked like he wanted to devour her alive.
Lily met his gaze steadily, equally intense feelings shimmering in her eyes, hidden beneath her lashes. Then she looked away.
Sirius came to her that evening, cloistered away in the back of the deserted library where no one was keen to go after a long week of classes. Lily had chosen it for that very reason, and the books she'd surrounded herself with completed the illusion that she was there for reasons other than solely to wait for him. It had been so long she was beginning to think he wouldn't come, but there he was. Instead of his usual light-hearted self, he was in a towering mood. His grey eyes were stormy instead of light, his tread sharp instead of a casual saunter.
He looked dangerous this way, with the light of the setting sun glinting off the dark crown of his head, peering intently at her as if he could strip her bare with just his gaze.
"Sirius?" she asked hesitantly as he stopped by the bookshelf.
He stalked the rest of the way to her, body cloaked in such ragged intensity that Lily's nerves itched with anticipation. There was something fragile about him, like he might break if she touched him the wrong way.
"I heard Diggory and McLaggen plotting about how they were going to take you to Hogsmeade next weekend," he told her, voice a low rumble, "and I wanted to bury them for daring to desire what isn't theirs."
She gasped as he grasped her roughly and pulled her out of her chair so her body was plastered up against his.
"James was going on about how beautiful you looked with your red hair loose, and I wanted to curse his eyes out so he could never see you again."
Lily shivered in his hold, green eyes helplessly locked with grey. There was something lurking within, a manic intensity that she knew in her bones was the infamous Black madness in all is beautiful, terrible splendour. She couldn't have looked away even if she wanted to.
"Snape was making snide remarks about you today, but he couldn't hide how badly he wants you, and I wanted him to know only I am allowed to taste you."
A hot hand trailed up her back leaving fiendfyre in its wake, tangling in her hair and tugging her head back so her throat was bared to him. He dipped his head to her neck and Lily heard him breathe in her scent before he scraped his teeth against sensitive skin. She had to strangle a whimper in her throat.
"Do I scare you?" he rasped, physically restraining himself and trembling from the effort.
She should be scared. She should tell him that she belonged to no one, should be mad there was another person who thought to possess her. Lily felt none of that.
Did Sirius scare her?
"Never," she breathed, and he shuddered.
"I want you, Lily," Sirius confessed, voice low and yearning. "Like I've never wanted anything before."
A sudden wave of emotion shot through her, so forceful it nearly knocked her off her feet. A physical sensation of exultation, victory, and hunger. Lily could feel it; Sirius' obsession, his need to possess her, his surrender to his desires.
"Then take me," she whispered back, and he did.
Oh, he did.
He swept her books to the floor, threw her onto the table and took her right there in the library, not caring that anyone could stumble upon them.
As she chanted Sirius' name over and over like a prayer, Lily didn't care either.
One day at breakfast in early December, the Marauders arrived at the Gryffindor table not speaking. Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew sat by themselves, Lupin and Pettigrew shooting Sirius apologetic looks as he walked past them. Instead of sitting with his friends, Sirius plopped into the seat opposite Lily, next to Alice.
The three girls stopped talking and turned to look at the newcomer.
"Morning," he said easily, as if he always sat with them.
"Good morning," Lily returned cautiously after a long pause, gaze lingering upon Sirius' black eye. Were they no longer pretending not to have anything to do with each other? She shot a look down the table to where Remus was blatantly staring back, his gaze darting between her and Sirius. Potter had a split lip, and his hair was even messier than usual as he stabbed his eggs with his fork.
"Are you okay? What happened?" she asked tentatively as the wizard poured himself a cup of tea and helped himself to the bacon.
"James isn't speaking with me," Sirius admitted, and her heart skipped a beat.
Did that mean…? Lily tried to quash the hope blooming in her chest.
His beautiful grey eyes met hers. "I told him."
Exultation swept through her, her very soul singing its joy. Sirius had told James. He wanted her; he had chosen her.
Lily could have flown without a broom, she was so happy.
Mary and Alice kept shooting her disbelieving looks all throughout breakfast, and Lily knew she was in for a grilling later. The whole atmosphere of the Gryffindor table was a bit off as people slowly cottoned onto the fact that Sirius was on the outs with his friends and had – for some reason – decided to sit with the sixth-year girls. And that he was chatting rather amiably with one Lily Evans.
When she'd finally had enough of the unsubtle glances, Lily stood, grabbing her book bag. Sirius got up as well, discarding his toast on his plate.
"I'll walk you to Arithmancy," he said casually, as if it was normal that he knew her schedule and did this every day.
"How did they take it?" she asked, both of them studiously avoiding looking at the other three Marauders.
They left the Great Hall and Sirius took her hand in his, twining their fingers together. Lily had to duck her head to hide her smile because she didn't want him to think she was unconcerned about his fall-out friends. She knew how much they meant to him.
"Remus is still in a state of disbelief because he's barely ever seen us speak civilly, but he's happy for us though not taking sides. Peter thought I shouldn't have 'snuck around behind James' back', but also told James he was being a berk and our relationship doesn't have anything to do with him."
Lily let out a startled laugh, not having expected that from the mousy boy.
"As for James – well he took it as badly as we thought he would. First he thought it was a terrible joke, then he screamed and punched me. I hit back, Remus and Peter had to break us up and he accused me of all sorts of things." He tried to shrug it off, but the tension in his shoulders betrayed him.
She bit her lip, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he told her as they came to a halt at the door to the Arithmancy classroom. "Peter had the right of it, it's got nothing to do with him."
Lily stared searchingly at him, scanning his face. "You'll be okay?"
Sirius grinned at her in a way that looked more like a smirk, and even with his bruised eye, he was so handsome. Once upon a time that expression had irritated her like nothing else, but now it was reassuring and familiar, and all Lily felt was warmth.
He leaned in to kiss her – their first kiss in public – and she was so happy they wouldn't need to hide anymore. One kiss turned into another, then another, and before she knew it –
"Ehem."
Lily pulled back from Sirius, fingers untangling from his hair, absolutely mortified.
Professor Kalkules was standing there, unable to get into his classroom because she and Sirius were snogging in front of it.
"I-I'm sorry!" she squeaked out, face burning. She had never made out with anyone in public before, not even on the few dates at Hogsmeade.
"No public displays of affection in the corridors, Mr. Black, Miss Evans. Please see me after class." He stalked passed them.
Lily moaned in horror and Sirius laughed.
"Sirius Orion Black," she scolded him, prodding a finger at his ridiculously hard chest. "You just earned me a detention. This isn't a laughing matter!"
He grinned unrepentantly. "Well that's not very fair. You were an equally enthusiastic participant."
Her face heated at the reminder, and Sirius leaned in to plant another kiss on her lips, her cheeks, then the tip her nose.
"See you later, Lily," the Black breathed, smirking at her flustered face, and then he was gone.
She walked into Arithmancy, dazed, and not even caring that everyone was staring at her.
Alice and Mary ambushed her as soon as she set foot in the common room when returning with Sirius after dinner.
One girl grabbing each of her arms, they picked her up and bodily lifted her up the stairs to their dormitory. Sirius – the traitor – just laughed and waved as she was carried away.
"Go easy on her, Fortescue!" he called after Alice, who waved back.
Lily shared a room with just the three of them, the other sixth year girls in the room across the corridor. As soon as they entered, Mary shut the door behind them.
"Sirius Black!?" Alice burst out, and you could tell she'd been holding it in all day. "What in Morgana's name are you thin-"
The door reopened, slamming against the far wall.
"Sirius Black!?" Marlene McKinnon exclaimed as she entered uninvited, the other three Gryffindor girls trooping in behind her. "I thought you hated him?"
"I never hated him," Lily protested, resigned to her interrogation.
Mary looked at her incredulously. "For five years you've ranted about how annoying him and Potter are. You said you'd rather date the Giant Squid than Potter, and granted while Black is a step up, albeit a small one-" Alice snorted "-you never liked him."
"Actually…" Dorcas 'Doe' Meadows spoke up thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, I haven't heard you rant about Black all term."
Faced with six inquisitive faces, Lily caved.
"Well, I bumped into Sirius one day, and we ended up talking for hours. We have a lot of the same interests," she said, feeling a bit like a defendant on trial. "He likes enchanting and muggle music, and he's - he's surprisingly complex when you get past the carefree prankster exterior."
Lily didn't know how to explain the depths of Sirius' character, how he and her were two parts of a puzzle that just fit, and she felt like she had gained something she'd never realised had been missing her whole life.
"He's funny and can always make me smile, he can be very perceptive and caring, and-"
She cut herself off, blushing when they all stared at her.
Marlene whistled. "Sounds like you've got it bad."
Vivienne Price giggled, and Lily had to stop her nose from wrinkling. "Bad enough to be snogging outside of Arithmancy."
Alice broke out into a grin, waggling her eyebrows. "You go, girl."
Mary shook her head disbelievingly. "Lily Evans, snogging in the corridors. What has the world come to?"
"Nothing wrong with having a bit of fun." Dorcas shrugged.
Marlene nodded her agreement. "That's true. And it's about time – I thought you'd spend all your Hogwarts years as a prude," she waggled her eyebrows. "Though I am surprised Sirius was willing to fall out with James over you."
Mary was watching her intently. "Just make sure you keep your head. Sirius doesn't do long-term relationships."
Lily scowled as they kept speculating about them, as well as discussing his past conquests. It wasn't like that, none of them understood. It wasn't just snogging and messing around in broom closets. The intensity, the sheer passion, the emotions. What they had was so, so much more than a mere teen romance.
But Lily didn't bother to explain because she didn't have the words to explain it to herself. Still didn't understand the magnitude of what was between her and Sirius, and really, it wasn't anyone's business but theirs.
The news that notorious player Sirius Black was dating prim and proper Lily Evans spread through the school faster than a dungbomb in a broom closet, and after a few days to verify the rumours for themselves, everyone seemed to have an unsolicited opinion.
Some thought she was just his latest flavour of the week, others thought it was serious since he was on the outs with Potter because of it, and yet more thought Lily was an up-jumped mudblood slag trying to sully a pure and noble lineage.
All in all, exactly what she was expecting.
What she hadn't expected was Severus cornering her after Herbology, his face blotchy with anger and dark eyes spitting fury.
"You're dating Black!?" he demanded. "Black?"
She sent him a fierce scowl. "It's none of your business what I do," she told him primly, pushing past to leave. He grabbed her arm.
"You hate Black! You called him an immature, arrogant jarvey with an ego bigger than a dragon's just last year!"
She tugged at her wrist, then took a step forward when he refused to let go. "And just last year, my best friend called me a mudblood in front of the entire school," she hissed in his face, taking immense pleasure at his flinch. "I could shag the entire Slytherin quidditch team, and it would still have nothing to do with you."
Severus' face twisted and something cruel flashed in his eyes. Before he could say whatever nasty retort was on the tip of his tongue, a hand intercepted his hold on her wrist.
"Get your greasy paws off her, Snivellus." Sirius ripped Severus from her and shoved him away.
"Black."
Severus stumbled back and spat the name with as much vitriol as Mulciber would say mudblood. Lily shivered, unnerved by the sheer hatred in his tone. Sirius' palm settled on the small of her back.
"Snape," he returned with just as much disgust, eyes filled with loathing.
They truly looked like they might murder one another, so Lily intertwined hers and Sirius' fingers, tugging him away.
"Come on, Sirius. He's not worth it."
The Black shot the Slytherin one last venomous glare before possessively wrapping an arm around her waist and drawing her in close. They both vindictively enjoyed the sight of Severus gritting his teeth angrily, eyes darting back and forth between them as they walked away.
Although Lily had long given up on thoughts of dating Sirius to get back at her former friend, Severus' reaction was every bit as satisfying as she had imagined it would be.
Ironically, her initial plan had worked. Her revenge against Potter and Severus had been everything she'd imagined.
But best of all, Lily had also gotten Sirius.
