Notes: Thanks to Mari and Sammy for their squeal-inducing feedback, and to the Amazing Mari for the scene assist. You're the best, ladies!

Readers and REAL McRollers - Thank you for your amazing support! It is always appreciated.

I've been advised this one needs a tissue-warning.

Hope you enjoy!


Here and Now (A McRoll in the REAL World Story)

"Steve!" Val Morgan waved across the parking lot of Kamekona's. "Catherine!"

Both turned to see Val and her husband, retired desk sergeant Mike Morgan as they approached their table.

"Mike, Val, good to see you," Catherine stood to hug them both. "Are you back for the PBA fundraiser?"

"And to visit friends," Mike said as he hugged Steve and slapped his back good naturedly. "We've only seen this handsome guy on your Christmas cards." He smiled and offered his hand. "Hi DJ, I used to work the desk at HPD. I knew your grandpa and your Uncle Chin when they were partners."

"Hi. Really? That's so cool."

"And I worked with both your parents." He turned to look at the curly haired, miniature version of Catherine who was grinning up at him. "And you look more like your mommy than ever. Hi, Angie."

"Hi! We're havin' lunch, then we're goin to Costco and buy stuff." She tilted her head at Val. "What's your name?"

Val chuckled. "I'm Val, sweetheart, and this is Mike. We knew you when you were a baby."

"Before we retired and moved to Maui to be near our daughter, son in law and grandkids," Mike added.

"Like our grandma and grandpa and Grandma Ang." DJ smiled. "They moved here from New York. It's great. I bet your grandkids think it's so fun you're close by."

"We love it," he said, wrapping an arm over Val's shoulders. "Spoiler alert, we have as much fun as they do."

"Do you want a cupcake?" Angie pointed to the half dozen Esther had brought to their table. "Dey's very yummy. Dey's manilla." She pointed and tilted her head.

"Vanilla," Steve corrected, his lip quirking in a smile, and Angie nodded.

"Thank you, honey," Mike said, "but we're on our way to say hi to everyone at HQ." He smiled. "She still has your mannerisms, Catherine. I remember her doing that head tilt as a tiny little thing."

Angie beamed, sitting up straighter at the comparison.

"And always smiling," Val added. "Such a happy baby."

Catherine smiled, running a hand over Angie's hair and kissing her head. "She was."

"I'm a big girl now," Angie told them. "But not as big as DJ," she added, looking over at her brother.

"I can see that," Val said, smiling at them both.

"Well, we should get going," Mike said after a quick glance at his watch. "It was great to see you all, and to finally meet you in person, DJ," he added with a special smile for the almost nine-year-old.

DJ smiled back. "Nice to meet you, too."

"Bye!" Angie said, waving enthusiastically.

"Bye-bye," Val said with a wave. She nodded to Steve and Catherine as she and Mike linked arms. "We'll see you at the fundraiser."


After they got home and put groceries away, Steve took Angie over to Ashae's house for an afternoon playdate. DJ opted to play outside with Cammie while Catherine finished some things in the house. When she looked out the window a half hour later and saw him sitting on the lounger petting Cammie who sat at his feet, she came outside to check on him.

"Hey honey, you've been out here a while," she said. "Do you want some company?"

DJ looked up and gave her a small smile. He nodded, scooting over on the lounger.

"What have you been out here thinking about?" she asked once she'd sat down. "Is it something you want to share, or is it just for you to know?"

"I can share," he said.

Catherine smiled gently. "I'm listening. Whenever you're ready."

"I was just wondering … what Mr. Mike and Ms. Val were talking about … how Angie was happy when she was a baby. I was wondering … what I was like when I was a baby."

Catherine's breath caught. She let it out slowly and exhaled. "Oh, honey," she said. "Come here." She shifted on the lounger, pulling him back so he rested against her and she could wrap her arms around him. She brushed her hair behind her neck and in front of her shoulder. "Is this the first time you've ever wondered that?"

"No," he admitted, reaching up with one hand to run the tips of his fingers through her hair. "I've wondered before. Like when we look at old pictures or someone tells a story about something Angie did when she was a baby. I know there's no way to know … but I just wondered."

She tightened her arms around him, leaning her cheek on the top of his head. "I've wondered, too."

"You have?" He shifted his head a little to glance up at her, eyes wide.

She smiled softly. "Lots and lots of times."

"What …" he began, still playing with her hair. "What do you think I was like?"

"I think you were a very sweet baby," she said immediately and smiled. "How else could you grow into my sweet, sweet boy?" She kissed the top of his head. "I think you had the kind of smile that could make everyone else smile, too. Just like you do now." He smiled, and so did she. "There it is." She took a deep breath. "I think you probably liked to observe the world around you quietly, taking everything in for later. I think you were probably most comfortable around your family and at home, but you liked to meet new people and have new experiences. And I bet you loved hugs and kisses," she said, squeezing her arms around him.

"Especially from you?" he asked.

"Especially from me," she replied, kissing his head.

"You've wondered about it a lot," he observed.

She smiled. "I have." Her face grew more serious, and she watched him for his reaction to her next question. "Does it make you sad when we look at pictures of Angie or tell stories about her when she was a baby?"

"Not … sad," he said after a moment. "I don't know what the word is for it. I really like seeing those pictures and hearing what Angie was like, I just wish …" His voice trailed off.

"You wish we had those pictures and stories about you, too."

"Yeah," he said quietly. He stopped, looking up at her. "How'd you know?"

"Because that's what I wish, too."

"You do?"

She hugged him closer. "Yes. Every day. I wish you were always, always with us, right here where you belong. And I wish I had been able to hold you when you were a baby, and sing you to sleep. Soothe you when you cried. Watch you take your first steps and say your first words. I wish I had been there for it all. So does Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa and Grandma Ang and everybody."

"I wish all that, too," he said. "But … I guess I wouldn't remember it myself 'cause I would have been a baby," he added, smiling up at her.

She smiled back. "That's true." She paused for a moment, then sighed. "But I know as much as I wish it, I can't change the past."

"Yeah …" he said, his voice quiet, shoulders slumping a little.

She tipped his chin up gently to look into his eyes. "And because we didn't have that time together when you were a baby, I choose to be extra grateful for every second we have together now."

He smiled slowly. "I choose that, too."

She pressed a kiss to his brow. "It's okay to be sad that we don't have those memories together, DJ. So long as we also treasure the ones we do have."

"Like when me, you, and Angie played LEGOs together at the library even before we knew each other?"

She smiled. "Yes. Or the first time you called me Mommy at Christmas in New Jersey. I'll never ever ever forget how wonderful that made me feel. Like everything in my life was finally right."

He smiled, snuggling against her happily. "I like those memories."

"Me, too." She laid her cheek against the top of his head. "And when I'm sad that I don't have a baby picture of you to look at, I remind myself how very lucky I am to have the real you, here and now."

"Here and now," he repeated. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, my sweet boy. Always."


Hope you enjoyed!

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