Chapter 6: She Knows

Derek's Point-of-View

Pain. I was in a hell of a lot of it. I'd been in it for a very, very long time. I should be used to the pain, but that didn't mean it got any easier.

The only thing I'd found to distract me away from my pain was her face. When her face lit up, it was like my whole world lit up…I'd never felt anything like it before.

That brought on a different kind of pain. I didn't want to hurt her, I was a dying man, a ticking time bomb…and she deserved better than that.

I opened my eyes slowly and groaned as the pain throbbed through my body. She was standing over my bed making a note in my chart as she reached out and upped the morphine drip. I let out a breath of relief as the pain started to fade, I knew it wasn't the morphine.

"Hey." I croaked out "I was wondering when I got to see you again."

Her lips pulled into a flat line, a forced unhappy smile as she looked at me with something hidden behind her face, "How are you feeling Derek?"

"Derek," I frowned, "Yesterday, it was Mr. Shepherd. Now, it's Derek. I usually don't like being called Mr. Shepherd; it makes me feel old. The way you say it…"

"Derek." She nearly hissed. I let out a sigh of defeat.

"I feel like someone ripped my guts out." I admitted. "I feel like I've got tumors eating away at my body, and I feel like this disease that I have no control over is sucking the life out of me slowly. I'm sorry if me saying pervy things bothers you, I'm just trying to have fun with what time I have left."

Her eyes softened and her head fell to the side as if she felt remorse, she lowered herself to the edge of my bed and put her hand on top of my arm.

"It doesn't bother me." She sighed softly; her lips pulled back into a soft smile. "I just don't want you to keep how you're really feeling inside just to impress a pretty girl."

"Oh, I'm trying to impress you?" I rose my brow.

"You've been trying to impress me since the moment I first walked through that door." She smirked, "Admit it."

"Oh yeah," I rolled my eyes, "what with my shiny bald head, and my gross chemo thin skin and oh, I bet you're just ready to jump me at the sight of my folie."

She giggled, it was music to my ears…but there was still that something in her eyes that told me she was holding out on me.

"Your head is not bald, you've got a little peach fuzz." She smiled, "At least your skin is clear, beats those acne pit faced guys I went to high school with. As for the folie, well it's temporary. When you get better, you can walk to the bathroom and lose the bag of urine."

My eyes fell a little as a heavy sadness filled my gut "What if I don't get better?"

She gulped "You're going to Derek."

"I know you're an intern, but you've got to know that not everyone makes it."

"I know that the people who want to make it have a better chance than those who want to die."

I let out a hard sigh and nodded. I knew that we could go rounds over this. She was stubborn about this, but she was new to this. I was ten years ago. I was in the same frame of mind as she is now. I was 22 years old and a young stud, I knew that I could beat this disease and I did…but I kept coming back. After a while, you can only be beat down so many times until you surrender.

"You know, I didn't want to come here." She said softly after a short silence, her eyes twinkled with a soft smile, "Here was the last place I wanted to do my residency, my mother working here, and my father being the chief of surgery, I would have an impossibly large gap to leap across to even begin to fill their shoes."

"Wait." I frowned, "Richard Webber is your father?"

"Well… yes and no." she stuttered and then narrowed her eyes, "You're getting me off the subject. I have a point here…and that point is that I would rather have just gone to a hospital where no one knew who I was. Because being the daughter of my great parents, and me not knowing anything…well its' degrading, embarrassing, and humiliating."

If I had hair on the back of my neck, it would be standing up right now. She knew something, I had a hunch of what she knew, but I chose to stay silent and hope that I was wrong.

"You know an awful lot about surgical internship, you know how competitive it is and how it works, and you knew how to get air back into a collapsed lung."

"I've been a patient for a long time."

"You were a doctor too." She finally said, I felt a sinking sensation in my gut, "I get it, I understand why you wouldn't want anyone to know. So, I won't say anything, but you don't have to lie to me anymore."

"You're comparing you not wanting to step into your parent's footsteps to my cancer?"

"Well," She stuttered, then frowned, "it sounded better in my head."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, "If you know then you know. I don't want anyone else knowing, and I'm not here to teach you anything. I'm here for one thing and one thing only."

"You're not dying. I won't allow it."

"Because I'm Derek Shepherd, neurosurgeon god?"

"Because you're my patient, and I'm your doctor. Whether I ever get to be as good a doctor as my parents, or you, I took an oath to do everything in my power as a doctor to save lives, not let them die."

I felt a twinkle in my eye that I hadn't felt in years. An involuntary smile crossed my lips as I looked at the young doctor in front of me.

"What, that amuses you?" she scoffed.

"No." I said still smiling, "I just think if most doctors felt that way the medical field would be a lot different, in a good way."

"Oh." She said humbly, "Well, I feel that patients should come first, and they don't always know what's best for them… even if they are former doctors."

I rolled my eyes, then squinted my eyes in thought "Seriously, how is Richard your father?"

"Long story." She rolled her eyes.

I laid back and made myself comfortable "I have all the time in the world."

She giggled and gave me a nod.

"My mother was married when she entered her residency. The guy said he didn't want kids and she didn't either. By the end of her intern year, she got pregnant. He didn't even wait for the stick to dry before taking off, never to be seen again. Richard and my mom were good friends, she confided in him, and he told her that he'd help her. She was planning on having an abortion, but Richard stopped her and said that he'd help her raise me. He was there for the delivery, and he was there for everything. He might not be my biological sperm donor, but he is my dad as far as I'm concerned."

"Wow." I smiled as I took it all in, "To think that you almost never made it into the world."

"Kind of freaks you out, you know?" She sighed, "My dad saved my life…literally. I'll always be grateful to him. Even if it was his doing in placing me here."

"Well, we don't always get our way." I sighed. "For what it's worth, I think that the world would be a lesser place without you in it."

Her cheeks turned pink as she fought to hide a smile by biting her lower lip in such a luscious way it turned me on.

"Yeah, well, I feel the same way about you." She said with a fake glare, "So, you're living, and that's that."

"So bossy." I smirked, "I like it."

"Yeah well there's more where that comes from."

"Really?" I chuckled, "So, if I'm bad will you spank me?"

Her eyes widened, and a giggle escaped as she lightly smacked my arm.

"Dr. Shepherd." She hissed in a whisper.

My face fell a little and she looked instantly remorseful as she cupped a hand over her mouth.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry, it won't happen again."

"No." I smiled softly as I reached out and rubbed my hand up her forearm, "I like hearing it from you. It's like I don't have to hide anything from you."

"Well, Dr. Shepherd." She said with a single raise of her eyebrow… Yep, I was glad my blankets were covering the flagpole in my pants. "I have the afternoon free, what shall we do?"

My face lit up and I opened my mouth, but as if she could read my mind, she raised a hand to stop me.

"Nothing that involves the removing of clothing, I am not rubbing anything, or sucking anything. This is going to be G rated."

"Damn."

She smirked as she reached for the drawer holding the board games and cards.

"Well, maybe PG is ok."

"PG-13 it is then."

She narrowed her eyes, "You really like pushing your luck, don't you?"

"When it comes to you… I push anything I can."