The disclaimer telling you that I don't own Ghosts characters is off watching TV. Just some more fun and fluff from my tiny mind.
Ghost TV
"Samantha?" Hetty walked in with the other ghosts into the kitchen. "Oh good, we caught you doing nothing."
"I just finished an article for the newspaper," Sam said as she drank some coffee. "About post-modern feminism and advertising."
"Like I said doing nothing," Hetty remarked. "We need to have a meeting about some important topics."
"What's this week's problem with television?" Sam sighed.
"Actually, we have a few of them," Isaac told her. "I wouldn't call all of them problems exactly…"
"I would," Hetty remarked.
"Let's just go down the list," Pete suggested. "With the biggest one."
"This is going to be one of those meetings, isn't it?" Sam sighed as she drank her coffee. "Okay what's the Number One problem with TV this week?"
"These so-called real-life programs about ghosts," Hetty told her. "Samantha I can't believe they allow that drivel on television. Then again, they do allow a lot of other drivel on television…"
"Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventurers," Pete counted off. "Ghost Hunting Adventures. Paranormal Adventures. Paranormal Hunters."
"These Woods Are Haunted," Isaac added. "These Houses Are Haunted. These Hotels Are Haunted. This Lifeguard Station Is Haunted. That was a one episode show."
"I Was Stalked By A Ghost," Alberta added. "A Ghost Is In My House. A Ghost Is In My Car. A Ghost Is In My Doctor's Waiting Room. I Was Stalked By A Ghost Cat…"
"Some of them kind of went off the rails," Trevor admitted.
"We watched a bunch of this drivel and couldn't find one single ghost," Isaac scoffed. "Mostly bad lighting and sketchy noises."
"Can ghosts see other ghosts on film?" Sam asked.
"Probably," Pete thought. "I think?"
"That's why we watched some of those shows," Trevor admitted. "To see if we could."
"I mean I know we have eternity to do nothing," Sasappis spoke up. "But even I thought those shows were a waste of time."
"Don't know," Thorfinn spoke up. "Ghost Cat show was rather interesting. And kind of cute."
"Wouldn't it be something if we could see other ghosts on TV?" Pete sighed. "Real ones. I'm just saying it would be nice to have some role models."
"So ghosts like to talk to other ghosts?" Sam asked.
"For the most part," Hetty shrugged. "Depends on the ghost. I mean Elias was obviously an exception. He couldn't have gone to Hell soon enough."
"I admit it," Alberta sighed. "As crazy as you all are around here, it's nice to not be alone."
"I would watch a reality show about ghosts," Sasappis asked. "Just saying there's a market for it."
"Throw in some hot female ghosts I would definitely watch it," Trevor nodded.
"Well, that goes without saying," Sasappis remarked. "Obviously they would need hot female ghosts."
"And some hot male ghosts!" Isaac spoke up. "To uh, attract the female audience members obviously."
"Obviously," Trevor and Sasappis looked at each other.
"Wouldn't it be interesting if someone made at TV show about our afterlives?" Pete spoke up.
"Who'd want to watch that?" Isaac asked.
"Let's move on to the next complaint," Sam sighed.
"It's not as much as a complaint but a suggestion," Pete spoke up. "I'd like to see the Newhart Show again. The whole thing."
"Pete's been really selling it," Trevor shrugged. "I'll give it a watch."
"I thought we agreed the next show we'd binge watch was The Golden Girls," Isaac remarked.
"Thor would like to see Cheers," Thorfinn spoke up. "Pre-story to Frasier! Learn origins of Frasier Crane. Also learn about Sam and Diane!"
"I want to see that Friends show," Sasappis spoke up. "I hear it's pretty good."
"A group of degenerates running around sharing apartments and having sex all the time?" Hetty rolled her eyes. "No, thank you!"
"Oh, I forgot about that," Trevor blinked. "I change my vote to Friends! What? Rachel is hot!"
"Brady Bunch!" Flower spoke up. "I want to see the Brady Bunch!"
"Look Pete hasn't had a turn picking a show yet," Alberta admitted. "So, I vote Newhart! But the next show I want to see some representation of people like me!"
"How about the Cosby Show?" Pete asked. "That's a great show!"
"Pete that show hasn't aged well over the past few years," Sam winced. "I don't know how to tell you this."
"Tell me what?" Pete asked.
"Yeah, what was wrong with Cosby?" Trevor asked. "That was a great show. I watched it when I was a kid."
"Trevor there's something both you and Pete need to know," Sam winced. "Oh boy…"
Five minutes later…
"And that's why people don't watch Cosby anymore," Sam finished.
The ghosts were shocked.
"GASP!" Isaac gasped. "Seriously? That's not gasp worthy for you people?"
"That's bad," Trevor gulped. "That's very bad…"
"Terrible," Alberta gasped.
"That's horrible!" Sasappis gasped.
"Shocking," Hetty shuddered.
"Down with the patriarchy man!" Flower shouted.
"Even Thor thinks that too much," Thorfinn admitted. "And Thor knows guys who kidnapped their wives from other villages."
"I have no heroes anymore," Pete looked horrified.
"There's nothing wrong with Newhart!" Sam said quickly. "Newhart is fine! We'll watch Newhart next and then Alberta will pick the next one."
"Good. Let's move on to the next thing," Alberta suggested. "Please!"
"Uh okay…" Pete coughed. "What was the next thing again?"
"I have this one," Hetty spoke up. "When young David comes to visit, please for the love of God do not let him put on that cartoon with the Baby Shark!"
"Why?" Sam asked.
"Because the last time he did that we all had that song stuck in our head for a week!" Isaac groaned. "I admit it's catchy but…"
"That song is evil," Sasappis shuddered along with the other ghosts.
"Thor would bash his own brains out if he could," Thorfinn had a haunted look on his face.
"I admit I had trouble getting that out of my mind too," Sam winced. "I'll see what I can do. Next topic."
"We would like to see some more educational shows," Hetty spoke up. "To not only elevate the discourse of conversation but to get caught up with modern times."
"That's very surprising of you Hetty," Sam realized.
"In particular the rich women of New York City during my time," Hetty added. "I want to know how they died and if any of them were involved in any scandal. Oh, and any program that defames the Irish."
"That's not," Sasappis groaned.
"Hetty, I hate to tell you this," Sam spoke up. "But there are more people of Irish descent in the United States than there are in Ireland."
"All the more reason to send some of them back," Hetty bristled.
"Do you hear the words you say or…?" Alberta asked.
"Okay I'll find some educational shows for you all to watch," Sam sighed. "And some shows relating to your time periods. I mean Thor watches Viking shows. I'm sure there are other shows about people from your times."
"That would be a good idea," Isaac remarked. "I'm sure that one or two of my compatriots from my day might have made a name for themselves. Well with the exception of John Adams. That man was an idiot!"
"Wait, John Adams?" Pete asked. "As in the second president of the United States?"
"As in the what now?" Isaac did a double take.
"Let's move on," Sam decided to change the topic.
"Hang on," Isaac realized. "John Adams is a common name. It can't be the John Adams I knew. The John Adams I knew was a lawyer from Massachusetts."
"That was this John Adams," Sam looked up on her computer.
"It can't be the same guy," Isaac sputtered. "He defended the British soldiers in the Boston Massacre! And got them off!"
"That was this one too," Sam pointed to the image on the computer. "Here's a picture of him."
"No, no, no…" Isaac gasped. "It can't be him! We sent that idiot off to both England and France to get him out of the way! NO! He got to be president of the United States? HIM?"
"To be fair to Isaac," Pete spoke up. "A lot of people are shocked that a lot of other people got to be president at one time or another."
"Including John Adam's son," Sam read. "He got to be president too."
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Isaac shouted. "Okay fine. Whatever. At least he doesn't have a musical about him. Right?"
"No, but he does have a mini-series that aired," Sam admitted.
"WHAT?" Isaac shouted.
"Oh, I want to see that!" Trevor grinned.
Isaac made a strangled noise. "As much fun as it is torturing Isaac," Sasappis spoke up. "We need to get through this meeting."
"Right, we can torture Isaac later," Alberta snickered.
"Ha! HA! HA! HA!" Isaac mocked. "How about we find out what happened to one of your damn rivals Alberta?"
"Besides whoever poisoned me?" Alberta asked. "That would be a start!"
"Are you sure it wasn't your bootlegger ex-boyfriend?" Trevor asked.
"Technically I can't rule him out as a suspect but…" Alberta paused. "He may have already been dead a month before I died."
"May have been?" Hetty asked.
"Sometimes bootleggers fake their own deaths," Alberta explained. "And then some of their rivals decide to make it real. And my ex had a lot of rivals gunning for him."
"I see," Hetty nodded.
"It's a gray area," Alberta admitted. "Plus, there are at least nine other suspects who were just as likely to have killed me. Maybe ten? Depends on if one of my exes was out of prison or not."
"Let's move on," Hetty sighed.
"Yes, let's move on from the fact that all my friends and rivals are famous except me!" Isaac snapped. "But it's okay! I'm fine with it! FINE!"
"Moving on," Hetty sighed. "Those Real Housewives shows. I no longer care about them. If that is what high society has devolved into, I am glad I died before it happened."
"Honestly some of those fights are so stupid even we wouldn't follow them," Isaac remarked.
"Isaac and I once had a four-hour heated discussion on scarves that was more interesting," Hetty admitted.
"It was," Pete added. "Very informative."
"Next topic," Hetty began.
"Hang on Big Britches!" Nancy stormed in with a few of the Cholera Pit ghosts. "We have a few words we'd like to say!"
"What are you doing up here?" Hetty gasped. "You never come up here!"
"That's because we don't like talking to you," Stuart told them.
"You people are annoying," Cody added. "Even for ghosts."
"Even more annoying than her?" Alberta pointed to Nancy.
"Oh yeah," Stuart nodded.
"Definitely," Creepy Dirk agreed. "True it's a close race but…"
"My point is you stuck up jerks get all the good perks!" Nancy interrupted.
"Nancy told us all about what you got up here!" Cody spoke up. "Beds! Pillows! Clean floors!"
"Lights!" Stuart added. "But it's this TV thing we are interested in!"
"We want in!" Nancy snapped.
"Now hang on a minute!" Isaac snapped. "This is our domain!"
"Says who?" Nancy snapped. "Who died and made you Lord of the Ghosts?"
"First of all, I'm a Captain," Isaac corrected. "Secondly…"
"I don't freaking care!" Nancy interrupted. "We're sick of you all getting the perks and us being treated like second class ghosts! We want some of that good life too!"
"Guess what?" Creepy Dirk called out. "We have a massage circle now! That's right! We have it better than your stupid massage train because everybody's shoulders get rubbed! And other body parts."
"Again Dirk," Stuart groaned. "That's just you! What you do in the corner doesn't count!"
"We want to watch things on this television too!" Nancy spoke up.
"If you think for one minute we are going to share our television with a bunch of low brow basement trolls…" Hetty began.
"This from a woman who married her own cousin!" Nancy snapped. "That's pretty low brow from where I'm standing!"
"And consorts with the male prostitute!" Cody pointed to Trevor.
"EXCUSE ME?" Trevor shouted. "I was a day trader!"
"I think we all know what you were trading during the day," Creepy Dirk snorted.
"Hey I never sold it!" Trevor protested. "I gave it away just like any decent guy!"
"I'd accuse you of giving it to Lady Fancy Britches over here," Nancy pointed to Hetty. "But she wouldn't know a good time if it bit her on her oversized butt!"
"Why you little…" Hetty bristled.
"ENOUGH!" Sam shouted. "Hetty like it or not the basement ghosts have a point. They live here too. If they want to watch TV, they should have a chance to do so."
"HA!" Nancy taunted.
"So what do you want to watch?" Sam sighed.
"Porn!" Creepy Dirk called out.
"Lots of it!" Stuart added.
"Yeah!" Nancy and Flower said at the same time.
"NO!" Sam shouted.
"Now hang on," Trevor spoke up. "You just said they had the right to watch TV too."
"Who are we to judge what they like?" Sasappis added.
"I mean if that's what they really want to watch…" Pete paused.
"It is only fair…" Thorfinn added.
"NO!" Sam shouted. "MEETING OVER! NOW! EVERYBODY OUT!"
"Way to go guys!" Trevor grumbled as the ghosts left.
"Typical!" Hetty sniffed.
"Told you we should have led with the Newhart thing," Nancy said to the other Cholera Pit ghosts as they shuffled out of the room.
"How did this become my life?" Sam groaned.
