Chapter 27: Scared

Meredith's Point-of-View

"Oh god." I whimpered as I cupped my mouth and stared at the puddle of vomit at Derek's feet. I looked up with panic at the man I couldn't decide whether I wanted to kill or kiss.

His face was a little strained but for the most part mute, he wrapped his hand softly yet sternly around my upper arm and stepped away from the vomit as he guided me into the exam room that I'd just come out of. I jerked my arm away from him and stumbled a few feet until my back hit the bed.

"Don't touch me." I hissed under my breath as my anger was still winning over. I smelled a wiff of something terrible and glanced at his vomit covered shoes and winced, "Sorry about your shoes."

"They're just shoes." He mumbled, "Ones that Addison bought me so I am gladly going to throw them away."

I glared through my forming tears as I felt another wave of nausea roll through my stomach, and I gurgled as I cupped my mouth again. Derek turned to the sink and filled a Dixie cup with water and handed it to me, I took it graciously and gulped it down to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth. I returned to my glaring as soon as the cup was empty. His eyes searched me, he looked frustrated and confused to say the least.

"You're pregnant!" he half yelled, half whispered. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I scoffed "Why didn't you tell me you are married?"

"Are you planning on giving me a detailed history of your past relationships?"

I rose my brow, "That's easy. I don't have a relationship history…you and me and this fucked up little situation we have going on right here is the closest god damn thing I have to a relationship."

His face fell and his mouth formed the letter "o" as he breathed "Oh."

"And for your information I just found out, literally 20 seconds after I left you and Mrs. Fabulous to talk about your married bliss." I spat "Forgive me if I didn't feel like turning around and interrupting you."

He glanced at my stomach and gulped, "Is it mine?" My eyes widened with rage, and I am pretty sure I turned a few different shades of crimson as he suddenly cowered down "Ok bad question. I was just..I…well I didn't think I could."

"I guess we're both a little surprised then." I muttered "Don't worry I won't let it get in the way of you and your wife."

"Addison isn't important to me anymore. She's not my wife…well not really."

"You're either married or you're not Derek. There is no in between."

"We're separated." He sighed "She left me when I fell out of remission last time, she couldn't take it anymore and she found someone who wasn't sick, and they have a 13-month-old son. I sent her divorce papers a year ago, and she never signed them."

"She left you." I gulped as I suddenly went from angry to heartbroken as I read all the pain written across his face.

"Yes." He whispered as he took a step towards me. I backed up towards the door and glared at him. "Meredith please…"

"No." I growled "That still doesn't explain why you never felt I needed to know about her."

"I was waiting for the right time."

"You know when would've been a good time!" I hissed "How about the time that I told you I loved you, the time that I started taking my clothes off, or how about the first day you started flirting with me…before any of the rest of it! That would have been a good time!"

"Meredith, I know you're upset, I understand how you feel."

"Somehow, I doubt that!" I shrieked as my anger peaked, "If you did you would run for your life right now instead of trying to trap me in a room with one door. I am this close to dragging your ass down the hallway and throwing it down the stairwell! Considering how much I just worked my own ass off trying like hell to save your life, it would be a huge waste!"

I turned around and stormed out of the room before he had a chance to say anything back. I rushed down the hallway and barricaded myself into an on-call room as the tears started to flow.


Derek's Point-of-View

I felt about two inches tall as I stood there in pain, watching the door shut behind her.

Cancer had nothing on this pain, I would take chemo, radiation, surgery, I would take it all opposed to this kind of helpless pain.

I took a steep breath and pushed myself forward and opened the door, looking both ways to see if I could see where she'd gone. I had to fix this… I had to fix this now. I couldn't live my life without her. I had survived this so that I could spend the rest of my days with her, and I wasn't going to choose any other option.

"Just let her go." I heard in a soft voice next to me, I turned with tears burning in my eyes to see my mother looking up at me sympathetically. "She needs time."

"How could I have been so stupid."

"You were fighting cancer, darling." She sighed "And you were falling in love, that's a lot for a man's mine to take on… she will forgive you; she just needs time."

"No." I shook my head "No, I need to find her."

"Oh, just let her go." I heard in a voice of annoyance, I looked up and glared at the red head "She's too upset, you'll never reason with her now."

"Do the people of Seattle a favor Addie," I muttered "Get back up on your broomstick and fly back home to New York, where you belong."

"Have a cup of coffee with me." She said persistently "That is all I ask, if things don't work out then I will sign the papers and you can go back to your little intern."

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I felt a very large headache coming on. Ma put her hand on my shoulder as she looked at me in concern.

"You need rest."

"What I need." I breathed "Is for my ex-wife to wake up and realize that this marriage is over, that it will never work out. Why won't it work out? Because you're a selfish, self-centered bitch Addison. You not only wasted your own time and money coming out here, but you wasted my time, and my happiness. She may be a simple little intern to you, but to me she is the woman who gave me a reason to live, a reason to fight…and all she did was believe in me, all she did was love me. She loved me when I didn't have a single hair on my head, she loved me when my skin was paper thin and pale. She saw past all that and saw something inside me to love. She is more of a woman than you have ever been to me in 11 years. If you have a decent, moral bone left in your body you will sign those papers right now and leave them at the front desk on your way out…we're done. I'm done."

I turned to go find Meredith and got around the corner of the hallway when I saw Liz. She eyed me warily before gently gesturing across the hall to the door for the on-call room. I gave her a nod of thankful relief before walking to the door. I didn't knock, I walked in quietly to the dark room and peeked in. I saw her crumpled and balled up on the bed, her torso was shaking with sobs and my heart ached.

I closed the door behind me and walked over to the bed, took my shoes off and gently climbed into the bed, pressed my body up against hers and wrapped my arms around her. She stiffened up yet sobbed just as hard as if she were trying to resist me.

"Go away." She whimpered.

I pressed me nose into her hair and kissed her temple as I refused to do so.

"I know that you're mad at me." I whispered, "I know that you don't want to see me or talk to me. I'm not here to argue or plead with you. I'm here to simply hold you. You don't have to talk or even look at me. Just let me hold you. Because when I was scared, when I was hurting, and when I just wanted the world to fade away from me; you came in and you held me. When I needed someone, you were there for me. So, I am going to do the same for you. I am your someone."

She whimpered a little and sniffled before turning inside my arms to face me. Her face was soaking wet and red, her lips were swollen and shaking as she looked at me. Her eyes weren't angry or hurt anymore…in fact all I could see was fear.

"I'm scared." She whispered.

"I know baby." I whispered back as I pulled her head to my chest and kissed the top of her head "We'll figure it out."

She shook a little more as she sobbed into me, I held her tightly as she fell apart. And though I knew she was still furious with me and probably would be for a while…all that mattered was that she was in my arms.

She finally picked her face up out of my chest and leaned back to look at me with a mixture of emotions on her face.

"I missed you so much." She sniffled, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was a very painful part of my past that I just wanted to forget." I replied softly, "I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just trying to avoid my own pain."

She slid her hand up my face and rubbed her fingertips into my hairline, she looked over my face as if she were studying something and then as if she had just flipped a switch all her anger and hurt left her face.

"I want to know everything." She said, her voice was rough from crying "All the hurt, all the not-hurt. I want to know it all…don't ever keep anything from me again."

"Ok." I breathed for the first time with relief, I brushed that matted hair out of her face and off her cheeks and smiled "I love you."

"I love you too." She answered, "But I am still mad."

"That's alright, I can take it."

I saw a flicker of a smile on her lips, and I gently kissed them, quick and soft, like a habit, as if we would do it every day for the rest of our lives. I rubbed my hand down her side and then ran it over her hip and settled it on her flat lower abdomen, I looked at where my hand was and felt a tremble of joy run up my chest as I thought about what was growing inside her. I felt my eyes mist as I looked into her eyes, they were suddenly scared again.

"Look I won't be one of those guys who is going to tell you what to do." I mumbled "I respect a woman's right to choose and everything but…" my voice broke as my lips trembled and I croaked, "I want this."

"I'm freaking out." She said honestly "I never thought that I would end up falling in love with a patient much less knocked up my intern year. I have no clue how this is going to work but…" she gulped, "I want this too."

I pulled her lips to mine and seared them with my own as the excitement rushed through my veins. She moaned, but a second later she was pushing me away and panting against my lips.

"You still have a lot of recovering to do." She said in her usual doctor-bossy tone that I loved so much "Just because you're discharged doesn't mean that you're healed. And I am not about to raise a baby on my own."

"Yes, Dr. Grey." I smirked, she giggled and kissed me again "But I need to find a place to stay first. My apartment is back in New York, and it's been on the market for 6 months."

"Oh." She gasped "Well you can just stay…" she cringed "Shit."

"What?"

She cringed "I live with my parents. Oh god, I am going to have to tell them."

"Let's not worry about that yet." I soothed her "We will, and we'll do it together. You're not in this alone."

"I know." She gulped "I just…it's too much. I should have gotten an apartment months ago; I was too busy."

"It's ok." I smiled… "I guess there's just one thing I need to ask you then."

"What's that?" she frowned.

"Are you opposed to room service?"