They are the young princes of Asgard, barely into their boyhood, and Thor is already tired of his little brother.
He looks up at the queen, the steel in her eyes giving him pause. As intimidating as his father can be, it still cannot compare to the fear his mother is able to strike in his heart with just a glance.
Taking a deep breath, he readies himself. "But Mother…he will only be in the way."
He had requested permission to take his friends to the markets just outside the palace gates, thinking it a simple request she would easily agree to. He just didn't expect her to force him to include Loki in his plans.
"It isn't up for discussion, Thor. If you wish to play with your friends, you must take Loki with you. I'll not have you excluding him."
Thor thrusts his chest out, raising himself to his full height in an effort to look imposing. His mother still towers over him, however, and he shrinks back in defeat. "He's too small," he mumbles. "He can't keep up."
His mother bends at the waist to look at him directly. "Then you will just have to slow down."
It is only with the most monumental of efforts that Thor keeps from rolling his eyes at her. He settles instead for a dissatisfied sigh and a slump of his shoulders.
At first, Thor thinks he might be able to sneak out of the palace before Loki sees him. He is already planning what he'll say to his mother later: I tried to bring him, but I couldn't find him and my friends were ready to go. But of course, Loki is already waiting for him at the entrance to the royal apartments.
"Mother said I could come with you!" the younger prince says, and the hopeful look in his enormous green eyes is almost enough to garner a little sympathy before Thor remembers he's irritated.
Thor doesn't even try to hide his exasperation. "You'd better keep up, Loki. If I lose you on the way to the markets I'll tell Mother it was your fault." He starts off in the direction of the front hall, purposefully walking as fast as he can so Loki will be forced to run if he doesn't want to be left behind.
"I'll keep up, I promise!"
To further fuel his brother's frustration, Loki has grown several inches in recent months, and he unexpectedly keeps up with Thor's long strides with ease. Struck with a new idea, Thor comes to an abrupt halt; Loki barely avoids running into him before stopping himself.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"I just remembered - Mother asked me to pick something up for her at the markets, but I've forgotten what it was. Stay here while I go ask her again. Don't worry, I'll be right back."
Loki is so trusting he doesn't even think to question why their mother would be relying on Thor - notoriously immature and unreliable Thor - to pick something up for her at the markets when the palace has plenty of staff to do just that. "Okay," he says, excitedly perching on a nearby bench. "Hurry though!"
"I will," says Thor, already forming a plan in his head. "Don't move until I get back."
He takes off down the corridor until he can round a corner and spy at Loki from behind a column. He's still sitting in the spot where Thor left him, patiently watching the palace workers as they go about their business. You dummy, thinks Thor as he turns and sprints down the nearest staircase. When will you ever learn?
Luckily for him, he'd told his friends he would meet them at the palace gates rather than anywhere inside, so he is able to sneak out a side entrance without his little brother catching him.
For a brief moment, he thinks of going back to get Loki before shoving the thought aside. I'll include him more when he's older and less annoying , he thinks. He knows full well that he will pay dearly for this deception later, but for now he's too excited about its flawless execution to care much.
Loki won't mind anyway, he thinks. He never does.
Now in their young adolescence, the brothers' paths have diverged ever so slightly, with Thor training in the sparring ring more often than not, and Loki learning magic with their mother.
Loki is sitting on the edge of a fountain in the palace courtyard when Thor and his best friend Fandral - relaxing between rounds of sword practice - spot him.
As they watch, Loki reads the same passage in his spell book again and again. Seemingly satisfied, he sets the book aside and awkwardly turns his hand in a crude attempt at copying their mother's more graceful movements. At once, a green mist starts to gather in the palm of his hand, rapidly solidifying into something resembling a flickering candle.
He is so caught up in the flame he has conjured, he doesn't even notice Thor and Fandral until they are right beside him. Fandral gives no warning before blowing across Loki's palm and extinguishing not only the fire, but the entire illusion itself.
"Hey! Why'd you do that?"
"Sorry," says Fandral, a wicked smile on his features. "It looked dangerous. Just trying to keep you safe, Loki."
"Don't you two have anything better to do than bother me?" asks Loki. He stands up to walk away, but before he can grab his spell book, Fandral already has it in his hands.
He flips through it, nimbly blocking Loki's attempts at taking it from him. "Magic, magic, magic, blah, blah, blah," he says. "Wouldn't you rather learn to fight with your fists, Loki?"
"Not all of us can play the part of beastly idiot so well as you," says Loki. "Now give it back!" He lunges forward; when Fandral jerks his hand away, the book goes flying, making a loud splash as it falls into the fountain.
"Norns damn you!" says Loki, shoving Fandral out of his way - hard enough to knock the boy into the dirt - and plucking the book out of the water. His face is sorrowful as he peels the pages apart, ink already running through the paper like tiny rivers. "Thanks a lot," he says, seething. "Both of you."
He elbows Thor as he passes him, almost knocking him down as well, and Thor has the strange feeling he's underestimated his little brother. If Loki wanted to rely on his brute strength to fight, Thor thinks there's a chance he could do more damage than anyone would give him credit for. Fortunately for them, he doesn't seem to want to.
"Loki," he says with a sigh. "Hey, come back! It was an accident!"
Loki, however, is already sprinting away. He rounds a corner and is out of their sight - likely on his way to the queen.
Thor glares at Fandral. "You didn't have to ruin his book."
"I didn't mean to," Fandral says as he rises from the ground with a shrug. "I can't say I'm too sorry, though - he called me a beastly idiot."
"Yes, but did you have to prove him right?" asks Thor. "If you're not careful, one day he may do more than merely shove you into the dirt."
"Who, Loki?" says Fandral with a snort. "I doubt it."
I hope you're right, my friend, thinks Thor. I truly do.
Years have passed. They are now young adults, but Thor's maturity stubbornly refuses to increase with his age.
Today his father has tasked him with researching some sort of boring trade agreement between two of the other realms, telling him it's exactly the sort of information he will need to be aware of when he becomes king. He'd wanted to tell his father it's actually the kind of thing Loki will need to be aware of when he becomes the king's counselor, but he'd wisely thought better of it. It hasn't stopped raining all morning anyway; maybe he can find a quiet corner in the library and take a nap instead.
Loki is hunched over a desk near the center of the library when Thor walks in, intently studying a book Thor figures is likely even more dull than some stupid inter-realm trade agreement.
He's never been able to grasp his younger brother's interest in the more philosophical and mundane activities like studying and reading. It doesn't mean he has no appreciation for his brother's skills, as they will certainly prove a useful counterpoint for Thor's physical strength as they grow older. It just seems so…boring .
He doesn't try to hide his approach as he comes up behind the darker haired prince. He puts his hands out, intending to grab Loki's shoulders and shake him a bit - nothing too rough, just enough to stir his brother from his focus. But just as his hands reach the edge of Loki's collar, they instead go right through it, all the way to the table. Before he can even comprehend what's happened, the image of his brother is gone and there are glowing green tendrils around his wrists, pinning him in place.
He tries to wrest his hands from their grip, but finds himself oddly - and humiliatingly - unable to move them even the slightest bit. In fact, the more he struggles, the tighter they feel, until he fears his hands will start to lose feeling if he can't free himself soon.
"You know, Thor, you're really becoming predictable," says a voice behind him. Even though Thor can't turn to confirm, and though the voice has an edge to it unlike anything he's heard before, he knows it's Loki.
He walks slowly into Thor's view, dragging his fingers across the surface of the table, and Thor thinks he's never seen Loki look quite so menacing.
"Let me go, Loki!" Thor growls, pulling uselessly at his hands. "You're being ridiculous!"
Loki stands directly in front of him, his head tilted in the manner of one who is dealing with an unruly child. " I'm being ridiculous?" he says. "I merely wanted to study in peace. You were the one interrupting me."
Thor would see his hands removed at the wrists before he'll lower himself to pleading with his little brother, but he changes his tone from angry hissing to patient restraint. "I meant no harm by it, Loki. You looked as though you were asleep - I was merely trying to rouse you."
"If I needed sleep, I'd be in my chambers," he says. "Where no one can bother me."
The bonds on Thor's wrists tighten the smallest bit more, and it's all Thor can do not to cry out. "Fine," he says through clenched teeth. "You've made your point. I'm sorry."
Loki lets the moment drag out, his eyes never leaving Thor's, before a wave of his hand removes the bonds and sends them back into the ether from which they were conjured.
Thor rubs his wrists but is surprised to find no marks on them, no chaffing or irritation from physical bonds. There's nothing to indicate at all that he'd been so helpless mere seconds before. He finds that more embarrassing than being caught in the first place - the fact that he could complain to their parents about Loki using his magic inappropriately only to be called a liar for lack of proof.
"You're welcome," says Loki, even though Thor hadn't offered any word of thanks. He gathers his books from the table and turns to leave without sparing a glance back.
The first inkling of an insidious feeling worms its way into Thor's head, the notion that this time he may have pushed his brother too far - but he doesn't waste time dwelling on it. Loki will forgive me, he thinks. Doesn't he always?
They are now full grown men, each of them highly skilled and proud in their own way. It is their mother's birthday celebration, and the palace is filled with raucous merrymakers. Asgardians are nothing if not fond of their festivities.
They are at dinner when Thor notices Loki has barely touched his food. He surreptitiously follows his little brother's gaze to find him watching a table filled with upper level palace staff. More specifically, he is intently focused on a young woman Thor suspects has been assigned her specific seat at Loki's insistence - their mother's handmaiden, Sigyn.
A few times when she notices him watching, she smiles up at him, and Loki returns her smile with a look Thor can only describe as heartbreakingly wistful.
Earlier in the day their mother had let slip to Thor that Loki planned to court Sigyn. Thor was certain she'd been mistaken, but when he went to Loki's chambers to ask him about it to his face, the younger prince had admitted - after much prodding - that she was correct, and he very much intended to pursue a relationship with the lovely young woman.
Yet even with confirmation, Thor still hadn't quite believed it until now, at dinner, watching Loki fall head over heels before his very eyes.
"You should eat, Loki," says Thor, trying to pull his brother from his thoughts. "You will need your energy later."
Loki sighs loudly, pushing his food around his plate. "What do you mean?" he asks, though his tone says he's already guessed what Thor is getting at.
"Your eyes haven't left her all evening," says Thor, using his fork to point at Sigyn. "Do you not wish to bed her?"
At this, Loki hisses through his teeth. "Must you always be so crass?" he asks, even though the heat that creeps into his face is all the answer Thor needs. "I told you I wanted to court her, did I not? Last I checked, a decent courtship doesn't typically begin in a bed."
"Ah, who's to say? I personally find it a lovely way to start a relationship."
"It's also a lovely way to end one before it even has a chance to begin." Something in his voice speaks to this being knowledge gained by personal experience rather than merely conjecture on his part, but Thor doesn't push him for details. He attempts to lighten the mood instead.
"Ohhh, I see," says Thor, nodding in mock understanding. "You're afraid she'll be too disappointed in your performance. Best to put that off for another night, then."
"Not at all," says Loki with a chuckle. "Perhaps I'm afraid she'll be too impressed and be rendered useless to Mother for lack of wanting to leave my chambers."
For a moment he smiles with genuine humor, and it occurs to Thor that he hasn't seen Loki like this in far too long. But no sooner does Thor think it than Loki resumes his usual guarded posture; the instant he senses he might be vulnerable to humiliation and criticism the very air around him seems to fold inward, and his face becomes wary once more.
Watching the transformation stirs up a strange feeling in Thor, and it takes a moment for him to put a name to it.
Regret.
Thor hadn't planned to reveal Loki's intentions with Sigyn to anyone - but the wine at dinner had been particularly strong…and Fandral is exceptionally persuasive when he wants information. He'd seen Loki and Sigyn sneak out arm in arm just as the cake was being served, and now he has Thor cornered and is peppering him incessantly with questions.
"Where do you suppose they've sneaked off to?" asks Fandral. "To his chambers perhaps?" He emphasizes this last with a waggle of his brows, and for the first time in their long friendship - and to his utter surprise - Thor wonders how satisfying it would feel to bloody Fandral's nose beneath his fist.
"No, not to his chambers."
"Why in heavens not?" asks Fandral. "If there's anyone in Asgard who desperately needs a proper fuck, it's Loki."
Though Thor himself told Loki much the same thing that very morning, hearing Fandral say it is just infuriating. "He said he wants to court her properly," says Thor, hoping that will be enough to end the conversation and that Fandral will drop the subject. But of course, he doesn't.
"Oh really?" says Fandral with a laugh. "Thor, the only thing Loki does properly is continue to be an insufferable ass with no discernible skills other than trickery and deceit."
"And what are your skills, exactly?" asks Thor, his voice tight in defense of his brother. "Other than wasting your time trying to seduce as many women as possible, I mean."
Fandral laughs this off. "That's a very useful skill, my friend. It's probably why I'm better humored than anyone you know… especially your brother."
"Leave off him, Fandral. I mean it."
"I meant no offense," says Fandral, holding his hands up in surrender. "I'm happy for him, truly. Perhaps she'll loosen him up a bit."
"Perhaps."
"In the meantime," says Fandral, gently poking Thor in the ribs, "Why don't we find a bottle or three of wine, and maybe a lovely girl or two to share them with."
"Well isn't this a most fortuitous turn of events," says Fandral with a grin. "Look who we've found."
After wandering aimlessly for a while, Thor and Fandral have come to a balcony in the upper reaches of the palace. Thor looks over the balcony edge and sees immediately what Fandral is so happy about: Loki and Sigyn are standing together on a large terrace directly beneath them. Thor begins to suspect his and Fandral's wandering wasn't so aimless after all - that Fandral intended to look around until they happened upon the nascent lovers. Thor has an initial urge to leave, but his rational - and still a little inebriated - mind is overcome by a morbid curiosity to remain a moment longer and watch what happens.
They're merely talking, but Thor is struck by just how uninhibited and relaxed Loki looks - he has removed the most uncomfortable parts of his formal armor, and all of the usual canny stiffness with which he carries himself is entirely absent. They're far too distant for Thor to hear them, but Sigyn says something that Loki must find amusing, because his smile lights up his entire face.
Loki's attention is caught by something; he looks over the terrace railing before pushing himself away from it and exaggeratedly bowing to Sigyn, his hand held out to her. She curtseys back and allows Loki to pull her close just as the faint sounds of music reach Thor's ears.
They start the dance as formal as any couple in the ballroom, but after just a few turns Loki snakes his arm fully around her waist, pulling her in as tightly as he can. Almost immediately, she takes her hand from his and embraces him fully. She rests her head on his chest as they sway together, and Loki puts his head down onto hers.
It's remarkably intimate and sweet, and Thor is beyond sorry for divulging any of Loki's business to Fandral in the first place, and especially for lingering here far longer than they should have.
The music ends and the couple comes to a stop, but neither of them makes a move to let the other go. After several minutes, Loki raises his head and lifts Sigyn's face to his. Instead of kissing her, however, he starts to remove the pins in her hair, snapping them out of existence one by one as her hair tumbles down around her shoulders.
"Strange...I would have started with her dress," says Fandral. "But I suppose Loki's always been one to do things differently. Shall we let them know we're here?"
He opens his mouth to shout something - likely a catcall or an innuendo-laced cheer of encouragement - when Thor tips over from mild irritation to outright anger. He grabs Fandral's shoulder. "No. Leave them be. Let's go back to the party."
Fandral looks back at him, completely nonplussed. "What?"
"I said leave them be," says Thor, and he puts an edge to his voice so Fandral will understand just how serious he is. "He looks happy, Fandral. Why ruin his night?"
Fandral scoffs. "Because it's fun? Since when are you so concerned about embarrassing your little brother?"
Since I saw him truly smile tonight for the first time in an age, thinks Thor. How did I let it get this far without recognizing his unhappiness?
When he looks again, Loki and Sigyn are finally kissing - hands-in-hair, breathtaking, passionate kissing - and Thor would give up the throne of Asgard itself to be anywhere other than here watching.
He turns back to Fandral with a grin. "Do you intend to stand here and watch them all night? Are you certain you've exhausted all efforts of finding someone willing to kiss you?" he asks, hoping this will finally be enough to encourage his friend to find his fun elsewhere. It seems to work.
"You're right," Fandral says slyly. "Loki may enjoy taking things slowly, but I certainly don't. I've got to keep that good humor somehow, right? I'll see you later." He winks at Thor before hurrying down the nearest stairwell.
Once Thor is certain he's gone, he risks another glance over the railing, catching Loki and Sigyn leaving the terrace just as the sun is rising over the distant mountains.
There is a twinge of hope in Thor's heart. For so long he's wished for Loki to find some measure of contentment; perhaps with Sigyn, he finally will.
It has been just over a week since Loki fell from Asgard and into the void.
Thor stands at the edge of the ruined Bifrost, staring down into the fathomless depths, Loki's words ringing in his ears. I could have done it, Father! For you! For all of us!
He can still see Loki's face as he clung helplessly to one end of Gungnir, the other end grasped in Thor's hand, and Odin above them both, trying desperately to save his sons.
He thinks he understands at last how it must have looked to Loki, how it must have always looked to Loki...Thor above him in all things, their father clinging to his firstborn, his heir, his favorite. Loki at the bottom...never quite reaching the top, always searching for a way to be seen, to be heard, to be respected and loved in the way in which Thor was without even trying.
So much makes sense now...now that it's far too late to change anything, too late to make up for all the suffering and discomfort and crushing disappointment Loki must have felt his entire life. Thor had always merely seen him as a frustrating and strange little brother, and often treated him as such, but had never once considered how his actions may have had a hand in Loki's undoing. He'd loved his brother unconditionally; his biggest mistake was assuming Loki knew.
The truth had been kept from Loki - a Jotun prince taken from his homeworld as an infant and raised as an Aesir. Raised to despise and fear everything he secretly was - and to what end? The truth would have been revealed eventually no matter what. But to find out the way he had - not from supportive parents offering comfort and clarity, but from nearly dying at the hands of his kin in the cold and inhospitable barrens of Jotunheim - had been too much for him to bear.
He must have thought it pointless to continue trying to be something he felt he could never truly be in the Allfather's eyes - a worthy and equal son. It's the only way Thor can reconcile Loki's actions without going mad himself.
And yet, even now in all the grief and anguish and remorse of the past week...something astonishing has come to light. Something quite unexpected, and yet so welcome and wondrous.
Thor speaks to the darkness, hoping wherever Loki's spirit has gone it can still hear him. "Brother, Sigyn is with child. You're to be a father." He can picture Loki's large and expressive eyes - always an excellent gauge of how he was truly feeling, no matter how he tried to hide it - going wide at this news, and Thor can't help but chuckle. "I know," he says. "I can't believe it either."
His smile fades and his face goes serious. "I'm sorry, Loki. Sorry for everything I did and even sorrier for everything I didn't do. But know this: I will do everything in my power to be a better uncle than I was a brother. That is a promise."
He remains a moment longer, telling himself that the brief flashing of a star in the distance is Loki's answer, before turning away from the destruction and heading home.
A/N: In no way am I attempting to justify the awful things Loki did, or try to make Thor out to be an abusive jerk and Loki an innocent victim. I think they were both victims of circumstance and having important information kept from them from misguided parents (who truly loved them, but should have done better). Sibling dynamics in general - and Thor and Loki's in particular - are just so much more nuanced than a simple "good vs. bad" mentality.
While Loki certainly has much to atone for, I think Thor must have looked back after Loki "died" and really contemplated how his treatment of Loki over the years may have contributed to Loki's bitterness and envy (hindsight is 20/20 and all that).
