06.05 - Everlasting
I usually write out the basic plot and story for a chapter in my notes file. This chapter just said "SOMETHING GOOD"
No pressure, right?
Gail eyed her daughter. "You did what?"
"It was just coffee," muttered Vivian. She half kicked at a rock as they walked down the path at the farmer's market.
When Vivian had shown up at the house, looking like her hat was in her hand, Gail had known 'something' was going on. But she'd not expected to hear that Jamie was currently pissed off at Vivian. So they'd gone for a walk to the market and Vivian explained she'd gone to coffee with Skye and hung out a bit.
A month ago.
And Jamie just found out because she glanced at Vivian's phone and saw a text from Skye saying they should go to coffee. Again.
That had, understandably, not gone over well.
"You know why she's mad," Gail pointed out.
Sullen. "Yes, but it's stupid. I didn't cheat on her. I met a friend for coffee! I don't tell her every time I met Matty, for God's sake."
Gail did not point out Vivian didn't believe in god. "You didn't sleep with Matty." She paused. "Did you?"
"What is wrong with you?" Vivian was annoyed, but she smiled a little bit.
Good. "Yeah, but, kiddo, you didn't tell her."
And Vivian slumped a little. "I know."
"Why not?"
Her daughter hesitated. "I knew she wouldn't like it," Vivian said at length.
"Because ...?" Gail knew why. But she needed Vivian to see why. When Vivian said nothing, Gail sighed. Being a detective made certain parts of parenting easy. Knowing how to spin a tale to open someone up was one of them. Gail just made sure to never use it on Holly. "Did I ever tell you about this stupid setup Holly went on?"
Vivian blinked. "What?"
"This was, oh wow, about two months after she kissed me in the coat closet." Gail smiled wistfully. "We never talked about that. Not for ages. God, not until after you tried to break your back with a field hockey ball." She glanced and saw Vivian was listening carefully. Good. "Anyway. One night we were all at the Penny playing some of Dov's stupid trivia games, and I was bored out of my mind, when in walks Holly, looking lesbian as fuck."
"Flannel?"
"Unbuttoned, too. And no glasses."
"Oh. But you like Mom with glasses."
Gail smiled. She remembered everything about that night. The white undershirt Holly had on, and how it made her skin so amazing. The hair, down and casually flowing. No nerd bun, though Gail loved that too. The brown jacket, tight jeans... yeah, that night was burned into her brain.
At that moment, Gail had realized she didn't just like Holly. She liked Holly. Oh, Gail knew exactly what the feeling was, when Holly hugged that other girl. She knew what it meant, too. And she knew that she really wasn't all that straight after all.
"She wasn't meeting me. She had a date. A stupid setup, Lisa's I think, with this really cute girl."
Vivian's eyebrows jumped. "Mom went on a date when she was in love with you?"
"I was presumably straight at the time," Gail pointed out. "Spent that night getting drunk and wanting to punch the girl, though."
The kid frowned. She said nothing for a little while. "Why the hell would Jamie be jealous?!"
Good. She got there. "Because you, my darling dumb ass, have no awareness of girls hitting on you."
"Skye wouldn't," she replied firmly. "She knows I'm living with Jamie!"
"Viv, honey. You wouldn't be able to tell if she was." The concept clearly flabbergasted the girl. No, the young woman. Gail had to stop thinking of her daughter as a girl. "Jamie's pissed because you're thick as a plank and went out with another girl."
"As friends," repeated Vivian, nearly exasperated.
"I know that. You know that. Jamie knows that too. She just afraid."
"What? That I'd leave her?" Vivian screwed up her face, clearly not believing this.
"Break up, yeah."
Vivian snorted and shoved her hands in her pockets. "This is stupid."
Sometimes Gail wondered if the kid was hers, biologically. God knew Vivian made a lot of too familiar mistakes. "Chris dumped me because I didn't tell him Dov was in love with me. When Dov was high. Which I think no, he wasn't, but Dov is an idiot, so there you go."
"He fucked up things with Chloe. He's a moron," muttered Vivian. "Chris dumped you because Dov was in love with you?"
"Men, right?" Gail smiled softly. "So... Did she move out, or anything?"
Vivian looked appalled. "What? No! She's just ... mad. At me. And giving me a total cold shoulder."
"Ooooh is she ignoring you?"
"No, not really." Vivian sighed. "She's just pissed off and it shows. Like... she made coffee this morning, and normal, gave me a cup, but she just didn't say anything about it."
Gail wracked her brain. She'd only ever successfully lived with Holly and Chris. While Chris had dumped her and kicked her out, she and Holly had never had a fight like that. They'd been mad at each other, certainly, and they'd gone to bed angry more than once. But they'd also made sure the other always knew they loved each other. That the anger was from a place of love and trust. But emotions were what they were sometimes.
"Grovel," said Gail at length.
"You have shitty advice, and I should have asked Mom," grumbled Vivian.
"I didn't answer Holly's phone calls for weeks. I know how stupid we get." Gail stopped and looked at a tamale vendor. "Look. Get these, and the cheese pastries, and bring them home. Tell Jamie you're sorry, you didn't think, and you won't see Skye again if it bothers her."
Vivian scowled. "Seriously? This is so stupid."
"You're living with someone, kiddo. It's all stupid."
The young woman sighed and purchased the tamales. As they waited for their order, Vivian toyed with her receipt. "Why wouldn't she just trust me?"
"Why didn't you tell her before hand?"
"Cause she'd over react. I mean, she's barely okay with me being friends with Liv. And god, that ship saaaaaailed."
Gail smothered a smile. "So you know she can be jealous of your exes."
"Which is stupid!"
They shared a look. "Viv. You like Jamie."
Under her breath, Vivian muttered. "I think I love her."
Well. That was as much as one could expect from her kid. "You have to think about her feelings. How would you feel if Jamie went out with that asshole."
"Dennis? Eh, whatever." She shrugged and then asked, sarcastically, "How does Mom feel about you hanging out with Nick?"
"It bothers her," Gail said flatly.
Vivian did a double take. "Mom? My mom is bugged by Nick?"
"Less now that Nick and Andy have been solid, but when we were first together, it bugged her a lot. Holly's still not thrilled about it, but I've earned her trust. She knows I love her."
"And ... I'm not there yet?"
"Nope."
They were quiet for a moment. "Why the hell would Mom be jealous or not trust you?"
"She knows I cheated on Nick," admitted Gail.
It was interesting to watch Vivian's face contort itself. The girl knew much of the story of their lives, from before Vivian joined them. But she didn't know everything. Clearly the thought of Gail cheating on anyone, even Nick, confounded her daughter.
"You?" Vivian could only manage one word.
"Mmm. Yeah. It was ... not my finest moment." The whole story was so convoluted and stupid. "When Nick found out, we broke up. Which, y'know, worked out in a lot of ways. I met your mom about a week later."
Vivian collected her food. "I don't want to break up with Jamie."
"Good," said Gail with a smile. "Then you absolutely have to tell her you were wrong."
Vivian nodded and looked at her feet. "You're, like, the most loyal person I know, Mom."
"This is true."
"Also modest," added Vivian, in a deadpan. "You really cheated on Nick?"
"Yup." Gail popped the P loudly and got a glare from a woman at the jam stall. "With a hairy dude."
Her kid made a face Gail had not seen since pre-puberty. "Ew."
"Nick dumped me when he found out," she added.
"You deserved that."
"I did indeed." Gail paused at the spice vendor and picked up some tajin spices. She should make that again. The lamb had been delicious. While she bought the various spices, Vivian was silent.
They finished up the rest of the shopping and walked back to the house.
It wasn't abnormal for them to walk in silence like that. They'd done it a hundred times over the years. Vivian would think through the problems and sometimes ask specific questions, or not. But she always thought.
Instead of coming inside for a snack, Vivian picked up her helmet, kissed Gail's cheek, and told her to give Holly her love.
Gail could only hope her advice worked.
A woman's back was, Holly decided, a beautiful thing. A bare back, with perfect alabaster skin, was one of her favourite things. Seeing the back framed in a rich, deep red that should have been too much and yet was not, was making Holly's heart skip a beat. Having that back be bare out in public was going to kill her.
Seriously. She was dead. Watching Gail lean over to tell the bartender something and then back, returning to Holly with two glasses of white wine... That sway of her hips... Those boobs...
"Having a gay, there, wifey?" Gail smirked and held out a glass.
"Super gay." Holly took the wine and kissed Gail's cheek. "You look ..." She shook her head. "Indescribable."
The smirk only grew. "You look as beautiful as our first coat closet."
Holly couldn't help it, she barked a laugh. "I was in pants, honey."
"I know, and I so love you in pants. But this dress." Gail sighed. "Exquisite."
A blush crossed Holly's face and she covered by taking Gail's arm. Her wife teased her, calling her such a gentleman, and they sauntered back to their seats.
A night at an orchestral performance was absolutely wonderful. Good music, which was not something Holly had thought about as a younger woman, good company, which she had, and people looking pretty for the sake of looking pretty. It was not the life she'd planned as an young adult. It was the one she was happy to have, however.
The first time they'd had a fancy dress date, Gail had simply asked if she wanted to come with her to see the opera. They hadn't been dating. Gail was still 'straight.' It was just a friend asking a friend. Maybe the shades of that stupid kiss lingered, but Holly shoved them aside. She'd never been to an opera, after all.
It was not the first time she saw the other side of Gail. Holly knew there was a smart, educated, classy woman under her veneer of sarcasm and anger. But that Gail rarely came out to play, except in moments of self-depreciation. At least, back then that was the case.
Straight Gail had picked her up, wearing a classy dress that flattered her, sensible makeup, and she looked divine without being flirty. Holly's gay surged and she remembered being tongue tied at the presence of the seemingly oblivious Gail.
Gail instead cheerfully explained the opera, bought her a booklet that told the story, and answered any question Holly had. The tickets, for example, were her parents' and they were supposed to be for Gail and a blind date. Gail had taken the tickets but called the date and told him no thanks. Eventually, she explained, her mother would find out. But until then, she'd enjoy a night out with her best friend.
That had hurt. Holly didn't want to be a best friend. She'd wanted, secretly, to be the girlfriend. Still, Gail was straight and that was a no-go. So even if Gail had leaned against her through the night, and even if she'd laced her fingers through Holly's, and even if she'd whispered about the plot in Holly's ear all fucking night... Gail was straight.
Which was why Holly went on her own stupid setup date.
The second fancy dress date, they'd been a couple and Gail had short hair, and Lisa had torpedoed their relationship once. Gail called, told her she had tickets to a classical concert, and instructed Holly to wear a slinky outfit.
Again, not the first time Holly had seen Gail dress up. That was the wedding. But there was something different about that concert. Gail dressed well, as always, but with the intention to kill. A tight dress, a low cut back, and stilettos. Hair and makeup that looked professional. Jewelry that was subtle to the point that it looked insanely expensive. Which it was.
Oh, sweet death.
Holly died then and there, and the rest of her life was spent as a lesbian ghost.
She had no idea how she was going to be expected to concentrate on the music. But Gail slipped an arm through hers and waltzed into the theatre, telling her about the orchestra and conductor. Gail wasn't super excited, but she was super knowledgeable. And yes, Holly was turned on by intelligent, smart people.
It was quite a wonder that Holly didn't jump Gail then and there at the concert. As the night wore on, Gail had explained the events of the music, their meaning and intent, and Holly found herself to be more than just warm for Gail's form. The mind was enchanting. It was interesting. And Holly wanted to see more.
In the now, Holly sighed and, as Gail slipped off her arm to put their empty wine glasses on a tray, she watched. That beautiful shape. God bless whatever deity had made women. When Gail walked past her, she made a face.
"What are you thinking about, Lunchbox?"
"You." Holly let her hand lift and touch Gail's back. "You're gorgeous." And she leaned in.
With that irrepressible smirk, Gail met her halfway and kissed her softly. "You're so transparent sometimes."
"I get to go out with a beautiful woman, and everyone knows we're not just friends."
Gail's expression softened. "Holly."
Their view on what life was like as gay was very different. Subsequently, their joy of certain aspects of homosexual life were wildly different. Because Gail had only come out after it was okay to be gay. Because Holly, not Gail, had struggled through the bigotry and homophobia growing up.
It was only Holly who had been terrified to hold a girl's hand in public. Just Holly faced the fear of becoming something others hated, for no reason and through nothing she could control.
To have a life, an existence, where she now was free and as safe as anyone else to love who she loved was a gift. As a teen, Holly looked at the world with dread. Growing up would suck. Maybe it would eventually get better, but why wasn't it better now?
And now. Now she had a wife. They had a daughter. Their daughter and most of her peers thought nothing of two women. Or two men. Or three people. The world had finally, slowly, barely changed.
"I also want to see you in that dress forever. But not. Because..." Holly trailed off and tried to give Gail a significant look.
Her wife caught it and laughed. "Maybe if you hold my hand through the second half, I'll wear it again."
The dress wasn't new, but every time Gail wore it, it did things. Gay things.
Gail must have noticed because, as they sat down, she leaned over and whispered, "Gaaaaaaay."
Holly just smiled.
Hours later, well after the performance ended and the traffic cleared and they had driven home, she watched that beautiful back again. This time, it slipped out of the bed and bent to pick up two dresses that had been hastily discarded. One was on the floor, one was half draped over a chair. Gail hung up Holly's first, then her own, placing both hangers on the back of the bedroom door.
"Dry cleaning?" Holly stretched and rolled over.
"I don't think so." Gail smoothed out the dresses, one after the other.
In the diffused light from the outside world, Holly could still see the muscles ripple. For all Gail was lazy, and an adorable chubby child, she was now fit and strong. Oh, sure, they were both softer and rounder and saggier and wrinklier than when they'd first met, but they were still beautiful.
"We're really hot, did you know that?"
Gail laughed. "Yeah, yeah we are." She hummed to herself, a part of the concert they'd just attended, and went to the bathroom. The shower started a moment later.
Holly smiled. Stretched out on the bed, she listened to Gail sing and hum and, at one point, whistle the music they'd been witnessing that night. Gail didn't always do that. A great many times, she came back from the opera or a concert and just wanted to think. Great art made a person think, according to Gail.
Truthfully, Holly didn't feel that invested in the performance. It was good, great actually, but it was just a transient moment in time. She didn't tend to romanticize about those things. She enjoyed them as they happened, and then moved on. It was the same with science. She found her answers and moved on to what was next.
Well, different people. They both enjoyed the art, at least.
Holly stretched again and rolled out of bed, stripping the sheets as she went. Gail would replace them while she showered. It was one of a hundred well worn routines of their lives. Holly hated sleeping in a sexed bed, Gail didn't mind all the time, but they both always changed the sheets in the morning at the least. Gail preferred showers before and after sex, given the chance, Holly was only particular in specific situations.
Different people. Different lives, even though theirs had been entwined for decades. Different passions and emotions. Different goals. And yet, together, they shared so much of the same desires, it made things just work.
"Hey, Lunchbox. Go shower," said Gail, jarring Holly out of her thoughts.
"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Holly smiled as she went to the bathroom.
"Unlikely at this point." But Gail paused. "I never asked... does it bother you?"
"Not from you, no." And that was the truth. There had always been something special about getting an nickname from Gail. Like she was important in the blonde's life.
"Okay, because, I can stop if it does."
"Scout's honour, I like it. Sometimes."
Her wife laughed, a little relieved. "I'll keep that in mind."
Holly turned on the water and half watched Gail spread out clean sheets. Decades. Over 25 years. And still they checked in. Still they made sure the other was alright with things. Still, the communicated.
Maybe that was the secret of how two totally separate, diverse, complicated people established a long life together. Respect and communication.
Huh.
Vivian pinched the bridge of her nose and, not for the first time that day, wondered how her parents did it.
"You're not sincere," said Jamie, almost petulantly.
"I think you're being unreasonable," admitted Vivian.
"You went out with an ex and didn't tell me! I'm allowed to be pissed."
"It was coffee, and I'm not cheating on you!"
"So why not tell me?"
Ugh. "Because you get like this!" Vivian waved a hand. "There's nothing to be jealous about!"
Jamie scowled. She fumed a little. "I'm pissed at you," she finally said.
The part of Vivian that had been raised by Gail wanted to be sarcastic. The part who remembered the time Holly slammed the office door after telling Gail to grow the fuck up reminded her not to be. So she took a moment. "I'm sorry," Vivian said for what felt like the tenth time. "I should have asked if you were okay with it."
Her girlfriend still scowled. "I don't like how that makes it my responsibility."
Vivian held both hands out, open and palms up. "Either you trust me to make the call on my own, or you take the responsibility, Jamie."
"I hate that you're reasonable about this."
Damn it, Gail was right. It absolutely was the illogical stance of jealousy. What the hell did a person do to calm someone's fears. "Do you not like me seeing any of my exes, or just Liv and Skye?"
"I haven't met any other."
Vivian looked up at the wall. "Well. The other two I don't talk to," she admitted.
Jamie sighed and was quiet for a long moment. Taking a leaf from Gail's books, Vivian just waited. "I don't like it," Jamie finally said.
"Okay," said Vivian, struggling to buy time and think of a better answer. But what could she say? That Vivian had so few friends anyway, it was unfair to cut her off from the ones she'd happened to have slept with.
"It's stupid. I mean, I don't care that C kissed you."
"Ugh, I do." Vivian made a face. She still gave the man shit for that, and he was still mortified about it. "I am not bisexual." When Jamie arched an eyebrow, Vivian grimaced. "Oh come on. I don't care that you two are."
"You don't think I'd sleep with Christian?"
She couldn't help it. Vivian laughed. "First off, he's terrified of what I'd do to him if he tried. Second, no, because you wouldn't cheat on me."
Jamie eyed her. "Why am I second?"
"C's seen Wrath of Peck before."
"Hm. Fair enough." She leaned back and studied Vivian. "I feel stupid."
While Vivian agreed that was a fair feeling, she didn't say so. That would be picking on her girlfriend. And it was unlikely to change her mind. "I don't want to hurt you," she said carefully.
"I know. And I don't want to hurt you." Jamie crossed her arms and sunk into the couch.
Right. What would Holly do? Vivian got up and sat next to Jamie, somewhat mimicking her posture. "Want to come with me? Hang out with me and Skye a bit?"
"Yes and no," confessed Jamie. "You should have friends outside of me."
"Is that code for 'I don't like her' then?"
"I don't like how she touches you," her girlfriend clarified.
Vivian blinked. "She what?"
"Touches you." Jamie gave her a side eye. "Do— did you not even notice?"
"Apparently not." Vivian sat up. "Cause I'm lost."
"Oh. Wow. Okay, so at the station, she was touching your arm. A lot. And she hugged you."
Vivian's mind whirled for a moment. "Oh." She somewhat remembered that, but Skye was like Holly. Politely touchy-feely. Even when they'd first met, Vivian had been a little more alright with Skye touching her because... why was that? "Jamie, she's deaf."
Janie blinked. "What does that have to do with anything?"
Ugh, this was so annoying. "She touches people because she can't hear. And the touching makes them look at her. So she can read lips if they can't sign."
Her girlfriend frowned. "Even you?"
"Well. Yeah." And then she caught on to why everyone else thought it was weird. "I don't hate people touching me to talk." Deaf people, anyone on the Autism spectrum who needed it, kids, old people... there were a lot of people who legitimately needed the physical contact to converse. That included Chloe, whom Vivian protested but only in a token way.
And none of that was related to not being cuddled. That was a totally different thing, and Vivian didn't understand why everyone else had a hard time with it. She liked being touched, same as everyone else, but she didn't like being smothered. And few people could grasp that distinction.
Quiet. Jamie had gone totally quiet and was just looking at Vivian, somewhat confused. "Okay. That's ... that actually makes sense."
Finally. Vivian exhaled. Okay. Try apologizing for something a little different. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you first."
Jamie nodded. "I won't be happy about it but ... just don't keep secrets like that. Okay?"
It was something.
"I suggested she grovel," Gail told Chloe as they waited in the observation room.
"I would have," said Chloe, in full agreement. "Didn't I tell you to grovel to Holly?"
"It's possible." Gail smirked at her friend and sipped her tea. "Oliver did."
Chloe chuckled. "Grovel or tell you to?"
"Both." She very clearly remembered Oliver breaking up with Zoe, his wife and mother of his three girls.
Poor Ollie. He was the good guy, he never cheated or did anything wrong. He worked hard, tried to be there for his family, and ended up kicked to the curb. It worked out in the end, of course, but that was still a lot more pain than anyone needed.
"Oliver is full of good advice." Chloe kept her eyes on the room. Their suspect was twitching. "Think he's ready?"
"Nah, another ten. Then we let him go."
The suspect was innocent. But he was also good friends with the real suspect, and they were using him as bait. It wasn't nice at all, and in fact Holly called it inhumane. But it was also the only way to find the actual criminals without getting people hurt. Except for the psychological damage to their current suspect. Patsy. Whatever.
Well. There wasn't much Gail could do about that. She could feel guilty, but she didn't. That was really why she wondered if she was a sociopath. Gail just didn't feel guilty about being mean to people. Especially not when she had a good motive at the end. It could be worse. She could be a psychopath.
Speaking of her social problems...
"Hey," she turned to Chloe. "What's up with you and Frankie?"
Chloe turned red. "Oh god. I should have bet her."
Damn. The kid was right. Vivian had pointed out that Frankie had harboured a massive crush on Chloe for ever. And now that both were single at the same time, the kid predicted at least a hook up.
"It's not a secret you're bi, and Frankie's hung up on you, Chloe." Gail finished her tea and sat on the edge of the desk. "So?"
"So. Uh. Dinner. A couple times. Nothing major. Or serious." Chloe covered her face with a hand. "How did you even know?"
"The least gossipy Peck on the planet figured it out," explained Gail.
Chloe's face went through a series of emotions, starting with confusion. But then, after a long pause in what-the-fuck land, she spoke. "Vivian?"
"Yep." Gail popped the P. "She twigged on to you two having a thing ... god. When did you and Dov have that weird fight after your wedding?"
"Oh right," muttered Chloe.
They'd not separated at the time, but Chloe had stayed with Andy and Nick for a weekend before going back and giving Dov an ultimatum. Which, now that Gail thought about it, led to where they were now.
"We all shoulda seen that coming." Gail shook her head.
"You tried." Chloe sighed. "You and Oliver told me not to."
"I told Dov that too."
Chloe gestured with a hand. "See? You're a good friend."
Without replying, Gail leaned in and bumped her shoulder to Chloe's. What could she say that she'd not said before? Gail liked her friends, both of them. Dov had been a friend since she was in her early 20s, and Chloe almost as long. They both annoyed the hell out of her and frustrated her. Jesus, Chloe grated on her nerves.
But Gail didn't have a lot of friends. She wasn't actually a good friend or a good person. It was Holly who paid attention to people online and in person, who always caught up and noticed depression or worse. Gail didn't always see it. When she did, she jumped into action, but she didn't care if she missed a week out of someone's life.
Still. Chloe, Dov, Traci, Andy, Nick... they were her friends. Her age mates, as her kid called them once before. And she did like them. She cared about them.
Not that she was about to say that out loud.
"Don't tell people yet, okay?" Chloe didn't look at her.
Gail nodded. "I won't. Kid won't either."
"That means Steve too."
Gail snorted a laugh. "I'm not telling Mr. Gossip. Not even his wife. Or mine."
Quickly, Chloe shook her head. "No. No. Holly's fine. She's... She's really a good person."
"I know." Gail beamed. Her wife was amazing. "Oh, don't worry about Viv. She won't tell anyone."
"Except you."
"Eh, she likes to confirm theories off me or Holly sometimes."
That was happening less and less as time went on. Little Vivian had always processed and then verified. Young adult Vivian had done it far less often. Adult Vivian who lived on her own barely did. Was this successful parenting?
Chloe sighed. "It's not anything yet. Not really." She fiddled with her cup. "We had dinner a couple times."
Wisely, Gail decided not to mention that Frankie had asked out Holly and Gail at one point in their lives. "Have you told Chris?"
"No." The cup fell out of Chloe's hands and they both watched it roll away. "I wish Dov was dating someone."
Hmm. Gail hopped off the table to collect the cup. That was a hell of a thing, wasn't it? How did someone tell their teenager they were dating again? "Ask Oliver," she said at length.
"Not Uncle Frank?"
"Hah," Gail laughed. "He's only divorced three times. But the kid thing... that's all Ollie. Remember how well Izzy took it when she found out about Celery?"
"She was going through her rebellious phase," said Chloe, demurring the drama but smirking none the less. "Wasn't that when you were too? You're practically the same emotional age."
Gail rolled her eyes. "Har har." But Izzy was the only kid who got away from Gail, twice. She'd been kicked in the shins, ditched at the morgue, and shoved in a pool. Though that last Gail agreed was totally deserved. Also Gail did it first.
Chloe smiled, looking a little more at ease. "That's not fair, actually."
Sardonically, Gail asked, "To Izzy?"
"To you." And Chloe was quite sincere. "We tease you a lot, but really, you're incredibly mature. You always have been."
Gail pointed at herself. "Me?" No one, not even Holly called Gail mature. Hell, their biggest arguments stemmed from Gail's childish behaviour.
But Chloe nodded. "You're a brat sometimes, but ... You never got to be a child, did you? I mean, I remember Uncle Frank used to say that your parents were always riding you to be the best or you were worthless."
The flinch was involuntary. "Yeah, well, it's long established my parents were assholes, Chloe."
"I've never heard you once make an excuse about it."
Gail blinked. "What?"
"Dov told me about how you took the fall for everyone, with some guy in lockup?" When Gail nodded, Chloe went on. "You tried to use your name as a shield. It blew up in up your face. But you only ever do that for other people. You don't ... you're loyal. And trustworthy."
"I'm not getting where this makes me not childish."
Chloe sighed. "Well. It just does. You act young, you have fun, but you never actually hurt people."
Except for Nick, that was true. But that wasn't anyone's business. And it was complicated anyway. "You're very weird, Chloe." Gail put the mug down and dusted her hands off on her jeans. "Come on. Let's go break our guy."
"Shall I be the chatterbox?"
"Do you even know how to shut up?"
Gail laughed as Chloe punched her shoulder.
The biggest problem with smelly bodies was how the smell got in her hair. Holly cautiously sniffed the end of her ponytail, but wasn't quite sure. Gail was generally no help at all when it came to those types of things anyway. She was a child.
And worse than that, if Holly simply asked Gail if there was a smell, the damn imp would smirk and say she thought it was just Holly.
Of course, that quip was the nail in the coffin that was Holly falling for Gail, a million years ago. She was so at home in the morgue, not making any jokes about the dead or acting uncomfortable. That was at odds with all the other police officers Holly had met. They all disliked the area and felt off their game.
But from day one, Gail acted like it was just another room. That the dead body was a human who deserved some modicum of respect. That her job was to speak for the dead too.
Years later, when Holly learned about how the Pecks had raised and trained Gail, Holly was a bit appalled. Gail's job was meant to be put above all her personal prejudices and feelings. No matter what, the uniform and badge and job came first. Somehow, thankfully, Gail never really mastered the part about how the Peck name came second. It was much her saving grace.
A lot of Gail's childish behaviour was a protest to her family. And those witty quips about the smells were deflection to keep people from seeing the real her. Joke was on Gail. It had only ever made Holly want to know more about her.
But right then, Holly really just wanted her wife to be helpful and tell her if her hair reeked or not. And she knew Gail would tease her.
"You don't smell," announced Ruth as she walked in. "Also I need you to sign off on my vacation next week."
Holly blinked. She'd never known Ruth to take a vacation that was less than a month away. "Do I want to know?"
"I proposed." Ruth looked a little flustered.
And Holly felt even more lost. "I thought you said it wasn't serious."
With a wince, Ruth fell onto Holly's couch. "It wasn't."
Holly arched her eyebrows. "Ruth. I'm the boss you can tell personal drama to."
"Oh." Ruth nodded with deep resignation. "I know. I just ... how did Gail propose?"
"It was a bit of a jumble," admitted Holly. "I proposed. She said yes. We were arguing about weddings and ended up eloping. Which, I think, I'm glad for. Gail might have killed someone if she'd had to plan a wedding."
Ruth was quiet for a moment. "We're getting married on Monday. And ... uh. We're going to their parents. In Alberta."
"Wait. I thought their parents were having drama about the gender queer thing."
"They are. Mine don't care. I mean, I've been in tech for-Fucking-ever. And tech skews super queer."
"Huh." Holly scrunched up her face. "Do you want a party?"
"I'm not even sure I want to be married," Ruth admitted.
This was becoming more and more of a Gail conversation. "I thought Gail didn't want to get married either. Turned out she just hates weddings."
Ruth chuckled. "Oh man. What're you going to do if your kid gets hitched?"
"Suggest elopement, probably." Holly smiled. "You know you don't have to get married, even if you proposed."
And Ruth nodded. "I know. I just ... I feel like if I don't now, I never will."
"Is that so bad?"
Ruth was silent for a long while. Long enough to turn and look out the window. Long enough for a phone to ring and go to voice mail. But Holly waited.
"Marriage is weird," Ruth finally said. "The whole idea that you're going to be with just one other person, forever. Until you die."
Ah. There it was. Holly laced her fingers together. She didn't correct Ruth, though. People did get divorced, or have a polygamist marriage, and those were all still valid relationships. Hell, Andy and Nick never got married at all, and they were just fine.
"Is it easier?" Ruth turned to Holly, looking curious.
"Which?"
"Knowing you won't be alone."
It was a long while back, thought Holly. How long ago had it been that she'd been worried about Gail, or herself, when they weren't a couple? Truthfully, she'd never worried about Gail without being in love. But... "No," said Holly slowly.
That surprised Ruth. "No?"
Holly smiled. "In the end, even if people are there with you, you still die."
"See, I expect that kind of morbidity from your wife." Ruth was entirely flabbergasted.
"I married her for a reason. A few of them, really." Holly shrugged. "Death is inevitable. So is being alone. You marry, though, because we have these societal expectations. That's all. And if you don't want to marry, then don't."
Ruth sighed and nodded. "That's not shitty advice." But she didn't rescind her vacation request, nor divulge her intentions. Ruth just thoughtfully went back to her desk.
Well that was okay too. Peoples lives were complicated, after all.
Hopefully Holly had helped a little. She shook her head and opened her laptop again to write up her report on the smelly body.
Visceral reactions were absolutely weird. They just happened, and left a person feeling practically dissociated with their normal self. The world was wrong in that moment, and there of course was a reason why. But at the same time, there wasn't a reason at all.
"Hi," said the sleepy looking man in her kitchen. He was in one of Christian's shirts, a pair of sweats, and barefoot. He was also perplexed by the coffee maker.
"Hi," replied Vivian slowly.
The man stared at her for a moment that felt like forever. "Oh, shit. Uh. Hi, I'm Robin." He extended a hand but, when Vivian did not make the same motion, quickly pulled it back. "Did Christian not ...?"
Vivian blinked and looked over at the door to C's room. It was cracked open. "No. No, he did not." She frowned. "You're... Ruby's boyfriend?"
Robin beamed and nodded. "Yeah! Yeah, sorry, I'm still asleep. And your coffee machine is crazy. Barista level crazy." He gestured at the two cups he'd placed on the counter
With an eye on the man, Vivian walked around the island and started up the machine, setting it to make two cups. "I like strong coffee." She'd prepped it the night before, but giving him the two cups would mean grinding more in the morning. Awesome. Coffee thief.
"Right, right, sure. Of course. And you're... um. Vivian?" When Vivian arched an eyebrow at him, Robin babbled. "Sorry, sorry. Ruby, and Christian, they said this was your place. I— I mean. You're Vivian, right? Because Christian said there was a tall and a small and you, you're like tall tall." He paused and his eyes widened. "But if you're the small, Uh, then I'm really really sorry and— "
"Dear god, shut up," said Vivian, a little more snappishly than she intended. "Yes, I'm Vivian." She took the cups out and put them in front of Robin. "C likes cream, no sugar. If you want sugar, it's there." Vivian waved a hand at the clay container helpfully labeled 'sugar' and set about grinding beans for herself and Jamie.
Robin seemed to get the clue to stop talking, and quietly doctored the cups before beating a hasty retreat to C's room. As the door closed, Vivian could just hear Robin ask Christian if she hated bi guys.
Ugh. Vivian made a face and watched the coffee machine do its magic. She knew what was coming before Christian rushed out of his room. "Fuck, Viv, I'm sorry."
"It's fine, C," she told him, not looking over.
"No, no, I fucked up the bro code. No dudes without warning. I'm so, so sorry."
Vivian waved a hand. "Whatever. It's what it is. But you owe me a coffee."
She could actually hear Christian swallow. "Yeah. Yeah. Sure." He didn't leave, so she turned to look at him. "You okay?"
"C, it's six in the morning," Vivian pointed out, petulantly.
But still, he looked at her worried and nervous. "Okay. If you say so." As Christian retreated to his room, Vivian heard Robin ask if 'she' was biphobic. And Christian replied. "Nah, man, it's not like that."
The door closed.
Vivian stared at her coffee maker.
Was it?
She honestly wasn't sure. She didn't like having Robin there, that was for certain. And even though C was awake now, it was an uncomfortable, clawing feeling inside her that a strange man had slept that near to her. To Jamie.
The coffee finished, and Vivian collected the cups. As soon as she walked into her bedroom, she asked, "Am I biphobic?"
Jamie stared at her, still in the bed, hair askew, eyes unfocused. "What the literal fuck?" She turned to the wall. "It's six in the morning!"
"Am I biphobic?" She held out a cup to her girlfriend.
"Uh... I don't feel like this is a pre-coffee kind of answer."
Vivian rolled her eyes. "This isn't a do-my-jeans-make-me-look-fat question, McGann. I'm serious."
Still, Jamie slipped her coffee first. "Serious?" When Vivian nodded, she sighed. "Yes."
Damn. Vivian sat in the window seat. "Am I for just, like, you, or for everyone?"
Jamie eyed her. "I feel that some context is necessary."
"C's sleeping with Ruby's— their boyfriend."
"What? Right now?"
"Last night. I gave Robin the first cups of coffee."
Her girlfriend frowned. "So you just woke up and found a strange dude in your kitchen?" At Vivian's nod, Jamie shook her head. "Probably not biphobia, just your normal dude-phobia."
"How is that any different?"
"Because you'd be just as weird if he was a non sex friend."
Vivian blinked. "What?"
Jamie sighed. "Baby, I love you, but you're asking me to be word smart and I am just now sucking down my coffee."
And Jamie was absolutely not a morning person. Vivian winced. "Right. Sorry."
It bothered her. Assuming she wasn't overreacting because of biphobia, that left only one option. Vivian was a misandrist. She didn't really like that either. She didn't hate men. She didn't particularly like them, but that wasn't the same thing.
Men just were not a large part of her life, in an intimate way. The closet man to her was, well, Oliver. And he was special. Probably because Gail felt Oliver was special, and Gail hated when anyone touched her. Except Oliver and Holly. And Vivian.
And for Vivian, her exceptions were her moms, Oliver, and now Jamie.
But even Oliver was not the same as her moms. Oliver was fine for a quick hug, or a companionable arm over the shoulder. But he didn't hold her or restrain her. Steve did that, once. She'd been ten or so, and running down the dock like an idiot. Uncle Steve grabbed her arm and she froze. He dropped her arm like he'd been burned.
Probably she ought to ask Gail about that.
"Okay, get out of your brain, Peck," said a grumpy and less sleepy Jaime. Still irritated though.
"Sorry, I know. It's early. You're not a morning person."
"Mm. And you are." Jamie gave her a smile, though. "Is Holly? Biphobic, I mean. I know she's a morning person."
That kicked off a different thought. "Sometimes she can be. Lisa is. Holly's a bit transphobic."
Jamie went still. "Sorry. What?"
"Mom... have you ever heard her make a dick joke?"
Her girlfriend looked shocked. "Holly? But she has, like, trans friends and everything."
"Yeah, and she'd never date a trans woman."
A look of enlightenment crossed Jamie's face. "Wow. Wait, would you?"
Vivian shrugged. "I don't think two coffees count as a date, but yeah."
In college, after Pia, she'd dated Inez. Their relationship, as it were, had gone nowhere because Inez was absolutely anti-cop. But Inez being trans, which Vivian had known beforehand from various rallies, was not an issue to her. Women weren't men.
"I don't know if I'd date anyone non-binary male at birth, or cismale genderqueer, though," amended Vivian.
Jamie just stared at her. "You are unique, Viv." She sipped her coffee and put it on the nightstand. "Who the hell is C dating?"
"Robin."
Right away, Jamie got it. "Oh. Ruby's Robin? Wow. I didn't know C was ... huh." She hugged her knees. "They're a cute thruple, though."
"I mean, I guess. If you're into guys." Vivian made a face and Jamie laughed.
"You're still weirded out, huh?"
"I wasn't expecting it."
That was why she'd asked Christian to warn her before dates. Not that she'd expected a dude, because even though Vivian knew C swung two ways she'd never thought of him as bi. He never dated men, and really that wasn't the point of her ask. Vivian knew she had not reacted well when one of Holly's friends had spent the night. Sometime after Vivian had gone to bed, the friend had shown up. It had been a missed flight or a storm. In the morning, the stranger sipping coffee freaked her out.
Jamie sighed and got out of bed, coming to sit beside Vivian on the window seat. "Hey. It's okay."
"Really?" Vivian fiddled with her coffee cup. "I'm twenty six and I get weirded out by strangers."
"Yeah, you do." Jamie leaned against her shoulder. "Which. Is why I think you and Skye should hang out."
Vivian blinked. "What?"
"You don't like a lot of people, baby. You get uncomfortable with them. You don't connect. And ... yeah, you slept with her, but she's also one of the people you're comfortable with. And I'd be a real ass if I tried to be all controlling about it."
Really, Vivian hadn't thought of it that way at all. It hadn't occurred to her. Forest for the trees, though. "I wasn't trying to make that parallel."
"I know." Jamie yawned. "God. I am not awake enough. And I have to be at the station by noon."
Vivian wrapped an arm around her girlfriend, making herself (and them) more comfortable in the seat. "Abandoning me to protect the world."
"Just the city." Jamie closed her eyes. "What's your schedule?"
"I swapped to have the day after you get home."
Jamie poked her ribs."I meant the rest of the time."
"On tonight, off tomorrow, on call for ETF four days." And then they'd both be home and off shift.
"Maybe the magic of our relationship is that you don't see me all the time," teased Jamie. "Okay, I'm gonna get dressed and unfuck things with Robin for ya." She kissed Vivian chastely and got up.
Vivian watched her girlfriend start to go about the normal routine of a morning. Brushing teeth, and so on. "You're pretty awesome, Jamie."
"I know!" Jamie flashed a grin.
Maybe Gail was wrong about the whole grovelling thing after all.
That worked out better than expected. Poor Robin, he thinks Vivian hates him. Or bi guys. Neither of which is the case.
