School. It was time to set things right. That wasn't to say he would have minded staying home to hang out with Isaac and Phil, get to know them a bit, but this was important. It wasn't something he could keep putting off, and it's been long enough. Oh but Phil was so cute, and Isaac...well Isaac was something. He wasn't sure what yet, but he was curious to find out.
No, they'd be there after school. Or well Phil would be, but Isaac probably too if he were being honest with himself. He doubted the kid would give up his identity or address given what he'd heard in the hospital.
Argh, I have to focus! Now's not the time to be fretting about new siblings!
But that's right, first class. No wait, that wouldn't be the first class would it? His first class was not in fact art with Dilan, but health with Elrena. Had he ever even gone to that class yet? Had he been awake for it if he had? He sure didn't remember, nor did he think so though.
The moment he stepped into class to face the actual terrorist of a teacher, he'd felt himself gulping down more anxieties than he had regarding his frets. Suddenly those didn't seem to matter. Elrena, or perhaps more appropriately Ms. Teras (he always forgot to use their last names, he knew them as the staff did after all.) Still, she gave him a sharp and icey glare the moment he stepped into the doorway, the tips of his toes just barely intruding on her class. Was it really intruding if he was meant to be there though? Her fierce gaze against him certainly stated it.
She probably hated him about as much as his grandfather had. He supposed she had good reason. Yen Sid doted on him, at least in his serious manner of doing things anyway. Lea adored him, but he also made fun of him. He was hard to read. The rest didn't hate him, they were nice to him, at least outside of class it seemed. In the teacher's lounge, Myde especially would bug him when Ven was around. The many times he was around. He'd play his sitar for him and play music on half filled glass cups all dangerously stacked in a pyramid. No one said principle Yen Sid hired well, but Ven didn't mind the crowd. Lauriam and Elrena weren't the best, but he found everyone to be appealing in their own ways.
Perhaps that was why he couldn't just let it go and lose what friends he'd just made. They shouldn't fight over petty misunderstandings. Not that he should be judged so harshly for having a mild drug habit. It wasn't like he'd steal from them or anything, that was just insulting to think about. It made him mad.
Ventus wasn't given the time to boil over what was made up in his own mind. El- no, Ms. Teras made sure of that by throwing a black smart board marker at him.
Bullseye. That's what her red lipsticked mouth said to his deaf ears.
Make-up. It looked...unpleasant. He hated it. It grated on his nerves, and he didn't even have to be in her immediate vicinity to tell how fake she looked with it on. That wasn't to say she wore a lot, not by any means. Hers was light, but he wondered if that was part of her charm. He wouldn't be surprised if she turned out to be some killer prostitute. Maybe a reverse Jack the Ripper. Seduce her victims, then cut them open. She'd get a kick out of that. Perhaps he should watch out for her.
Ven moved just in time for a torrent of students to come flooding in. Had he wasted another moment on murderous seductresses, he'd be flattened like a pancake. No, he shouldn't think about food. He was full, but at the cost of his sanity. He really should throw it up before it digests fully. Nurturing his body with toxious fat. That probably wasn't how it worked, but god if that's not how it played out in his mind.
Everyone took their seats leaving one at the front open. Good and bad. Good because he could possibly hear the lesson, but bad because it was her of all people. Another bout of anxiety was forced down his throat as he staggered to take the remaining seat. It would be alright, he packed his beloved pet in his bag, books be damned.
No, he had his books, he was too chicken shit to not obey the laws of the class. He couldn't be like the laid back kid at the back of the class, seat bent back in a balancing act as his legs were propped on the very unstable desk. Actually, that kid had a death wish to be doing that in Elre- fuck, Ms. Teras class. One day he'd call her by her first name and word would spread that they were in a relationship. That would certainly be the end of him. He had to get this right. He couldn't call them by their first names. Not in front of other students.
She started class without much incident. Her class was nothing more than gossip of other students and other teachers. Juicy gossip that made him uncomfortable. How could she and his fellow classmates slander their colleagues and friends in such a way? Weren't they just that to them? Friends? It was disturbing and the thought that it could have happened to him during his absence made him sick to his stomach. So nervous and anxious.
But wait, I never showed up for class yet. They wouldn't know anything about me.
That was a bit reassuring, but he didn't get much relief before the woman painting her nails a bright red came up to near his desk and passed by in a pace. He could smell the polish to an intoxicating degree. He wondered if he could get high off the fumes. That was something he certainly wouldn't have minded now that his stash was taken. And now that he'd gotten even just the smallest taste for it.
No no no, I shouldn't be thinking about that.
Ventus had shielded his ears, squeezed his eyes shut, and bowed his head full of gritted teeth as he tried to clear his mind. Pressing the hearing aid further into his ear hurt so he had to cease. Coming back to reality didn't do him any favours however as when he looked up to see Ms. Teras towering over him with fumes coming off of her, she didn't look pleased in the slightest.
Terrifying.
His gaze rose to meet hers. Icy blue eyes that bore into his very soul. Even with his terror, he couldn't help but find her rather attractive. Make-up was a deterrent to him on one hand, but what would it look like on his neck he wondered. What would her intoxicating nail polish look like if it slashed at his bare back. Would it be a strike of alluring paint or would it leave a gash like a tiger's claws? Maybe he'd even get a wound like in Holes. Wouldn't be fun on his face, but he could tolerate poisonous scars on his back. It was always bandaged anyway.
He caught himself though, unknowingly glaring as he thought over how much he despised make-up. It was false, and yet even he fell for it.
"Are you done daydreaming and glaring at me?" The teacher scoffed. It successfully cut off said daydreams.
"I wasn't daydreaming." Or glaring for that matter.
"Then why are you still in my class? And what's with that look on your face? Should I wipe it off?" She said with a smirk, knuckles pressed against her hips so freshly painted nails wouldn't be disturbed.
He looked around then to see he was the only one left. Had he really spaced out that much? It seemed unreal. He supposed he was a bit tired though. Maybe next class he could take a nap. Oh but wait, that's the class he needed to get to more than anything.
The boy stood with a hasty jolt, nearly headbutting his sadistic teacher in the chin. She recoiled just in time, but such left a scowl on her face. Elrena shouted obscenities and threats after him, but he fled much too quickly. He could deal with that later. For now he had people to talk to.
Thanks to his speed and determination, Ventus made it to the class in record time. Oh but where the hell did he sit again? It's been kinda long and he only sat there once now that he really did think about it. Maybe he should just wait for the remaining seat to be left like last time.
Even with his mad dash, it didn't take long for droves of kids to fill the classroom, all taking their seats as the bell was about to ring. This time he knew to stay out of the way, so he'd stepped off to the side and waited. He supposed he could have interacted with them the moment they came into the room, but he spaced out admittedly. Such a bad habit.
That was okay though, he sat next to them so it should be fine. He just had to follow where he sat and-
"Roxas?"
That was his seat wasn't it? Across from Xion and next to Fuu? Didn't they hate Roxas, or rather eachother? They seemed a bit chummy. But wait, that was great! Half the work was already done in his absence, he wondered how of course, but did it matter?
"Ventus." Dilan- or rather Mr. Devine interrupted his thoughts. His staring gaze fell off of his old table who seemed to ignore him perfectly, instead moving to his teacher.
"But that's my seat." He replied innocently. They still never looked up, instead chatting much more jovially amongst themselves than they ever had with him. Were they really ignoring him?
He walked up to the table in question. "Don't I sit here?" Ventus asked the group. Was he mistaken?
They all fell silent, ignoring him once again. They even seemed to have grimaced at the sight of him. What was that for though?
Roxas stepped up then, not literally of course, but to speak. "They don't like you, Ven, so just leave them alone."
"But I never did anything." How could he have? He's just been stranded in a hospital the whole time.
"You were trash talking them." He insisted, though that was news to Ven. The blond tilted his head in response. He looked over the table and again, they seemed more mad than anything at his presence.
"But I never did that. I haven't even been home. I've been in a hospital. How would I have done that?"
"Oh, are you going to blame your illness again?" Seifer spat.
"Again?" Fuu chimed in as needless as usual.
He was taken aback, sputtering out a reply that wouldn't come. There was rage again. Rage against whoever it was that spread such a lie. Liars, they were despicable, they drove him mad with paranoia. What could he do though? Find the root of the problem perhaps, but what would that solve.
"Let me do it."
His own voice again. Jack. That wasn't good. What would he do?
"Get away from us already." Seifer spat, waving the young blond away.
Tears stung at his eyes, but he wasn't hurt, not pathetically. He was mad. Mad that he didn't even stand a chance before someone ruined it for him. Not only that, but who else supposedly knew that he went around bashing on people when he never truly did? It made him paranoid. Everyone's stares at him felt like spikes of judgement for the crimes he never committed. It was painful and made it hard to think.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists painfully.
"Maybe you should be the one that drowns instead!" Ventus snapped.
That didn't go over well. But that was something he couldn't comprehend. Just as soon as he spat the threat, he couldn't remember ever doing it. His stature eased as he breathed out to try and calm himself. Calm himself before Jack could do anything. That would be detrimental after all.
Seifer stood and Ven wondered if it was to actually talk things over with him. That wasn't the case however. Instead of making amends with the boy that desperately desired them, Seifer clenched his fist and swung it full force at Ventus. Not anticipating it in the slightest, he was struck by it and thrown off balance.
The blond boy stumbled back with a pained whimper as he brought a hand up to cup over his now bleeding nose. The blood got on his fingers, but his attention was instead on Seifer, bewildered at the sudden attack. He wanted to ask why as tears slipped from stinging eyes, but the other went first, pointing aggressively towards the door.
"Get out of here already! No one fucking likes you because you're just a freak that makes everyone uncomfortable!"
"But-"
"Shut up!"
His gaze wandered the class. Again, the daggered gazes that stung him ever so deeply. The tears fell freely from his eyes and he retreated. He wasn't sure if Dilan tried to stop any of it, but if he had, he was too late, and Ven wasn't interested. He fled the room.
"You should get rid of them. All of them."
No, I'll fix it somehow. I have to.
Author's notes: I've been listening to books so hopefully it helped strengthen my writing. I was actually going to put Mattie's coffeehouse in this chapter, from Fever 1793 since I adore that book and just listened to it again, but the chapter would be too long if I did that. I hope to make it a location sometime still.
I've also gotten the complain that there are too many characters. Well there's supposed to be. School and the world is full of people and he's meant to be overwhelmed as well as have so many around him yet still feel so alone.
As for the real happenings this chapter is based on, well I spent months after getting yelled at and called ridiculous for being schizophrenic to try and make it up to the person. I worked with the person aligned with Roxas in this fic to try and pull it off. I actually did get the opportunity to talk to the person again, after being assured I could so I sent another apology for messing up the first time even though all I really did was run away after being frightened. It got ignored so I let it go only to later find out that someone who happened to be a Riku rper was going around telling her that I was trashing her, when it wasn't me but my girlfriend because I tried very hard not to get mad about everything, instead looking toward being hopeful. That got me blocked which freaked me out considering I'm idiotically triggered by getting blocked (absolutely hate it especially since everyone yells at me for it and shoves it in my face.) I didn't snap until months later when I found out her friends blocked me too, then I mentioned wanting to throw a brick with the note that I didn't bash her at her, which she didn't take kindly to at all. I still heavily regret that comment even a year later. The events of it all still plague my mind like a bad dream. It's not like I sent her the comment though, I just idly made it on my blog then forgot about it but she went snooping through my page, found it, reblogged it and publicly scolded me so that was fun. I never ended up recovering from that paranoia. I'm still under the impression that the entire fandom hates me for that misguided burst of triggered anger and I'd do anything to take it back or take back ever trying to be a rper on tumblr in the first place since it's gotten me more scolded and yelled at than anything.
It definitely leaks into whenever I try to join kh groups on discord too. I always feel so unwanted and like if they found out who I was, they'd ban me in a heartbeat so I struggle greatly to stick around and like with my previous attempt, at the smallest thing, I flee. I just got ignored in that chat a lot and got spooked because I put something in the wrong channel. I felt so unwanted and unwelcome in that chat but I wonder if I was too rash in leaving.
I ended up making my own rp server for kh with my friends instead, but we haven't found anyone new to join yet so it's just friends so far. I know it's paranoia, but I wonder if no one'll join because they know I'm the leader of it.
It's hard being told you're uncomfortable, weird, unstable, or negative. Too much so to be around. No wonder I'm always suicidal. It's shoved in my face how unwanted I am. Anytime I talk to people to the point I'm terrified of conversing.
