88 rules for a peaceful Hogwarts experience continued.
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
Thanks to GailFail, Nobody Understands, and MidnightSapphire15 for reviewing.
89. Not allowed to cross dress in front of the media.
90. Not allowed to encourage others to cross dress in front of the media.
91. If I get a nosebleed in class I am to go to the hospital wing, not use the blood to draw runes on my arms, or use it as a potion ingredient.
92. There is no casual Friday and even if there was I wouldn't be allowed to wear a hula skirt.
93. Filling the Great Hall with balloons is a bad idea.
- especially right before the post is supposed to come.
94. I am no allowed to refer to a floo call as a "Demonic Summoning ritual."
95. Food is not a toy.
96. Chickens are flightless and therefore cannot deliver the post.
- even if they can run really fast.
97. I am not to write letters to the Minister of Magic in order to tell him exactly where he should stick his wand.
98. I am not allowed to organize a house elf strike.
99. I am not allowed to organize a Death Eater strike.
100. I am not allowed to organize a student strike.
101. No strikes.
102. Voldemort is not a pimp. The Death Eaters are not his ho's.
103. Voldemort is not a Rapper. The Death Eaters are not his posse.
104. Hogwarts is not training students to become Dumbledore's mindless soldiers and I should not say this in front of Aurors.
105. Not allowed to auction first years to other houses.
106. Sirius Black is not an appropriate role model.
-neither is James Potter.
107. My cat does not want Professor Snape to come tuck her in at night.
109. I am not to mention how skinny Harry is in front of Madame Pomfrey, any house elf, or Mrs. Weasely.
110. Not allowed to run down the hall screaming "It burns!" just because my clothes itch.
112. My wand is not a back scratcher.
- neither is Harry's broom.
113. Not allowed to demand that the house elves change laundry detergents, because I'm allergic.
114. Not allowed to do a touchdown dance when Madame Pomfrey confirms that I am allergic to the laundry detergent.
115. Not allowed to go on a hunger strike until Maryland Style Crab Cakes are served at dinner.
116. Errol is not a turkey and Hogwarts doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving anyway.
117. I am not to point out that Dumbledore's name has the word dumb in it.
118. Hogwarts does not need a crocodile filled moat and I am not to suggest this to Hagrid.
119. No one wants to know how I know how flammable certain objects are.
120. I am not allowed to tell people about the time I lit my pants on fire.
121. I am not allowed to light my special candles with the colored flames in the common room because when the glass holder gets too hot it explodes.
- especially not if I'm lighting them to watch them explode.
122. I am not allowed to transfigure Ron's clothes into spiders.
- especially while he's wearing them.
123. My cat is not my pimp.
- even it is does smack me in the face to wake me up.
124. Not allowed to sneak into the Slytherin common room and take things.
- nor can I sneak into the Slytherin common room and leave things.
125. Not allowed to stare at Draco Malfoy, laugh manically, then walk away.
126. Not allowed to start a paint balloon war in the Great Hall.
127. "The Night Santa Went Crazy" is not an appropriate Christmas carol.
128. Not allowed to leave class early because I left the stove on.
- not allowed to have a stove in my dorm.
129. Not allowed to draw runes on the faces of students who fall asleep during History of Magic.
130. History of Magic is not naptime.
131. I am not allowed to give the Weasely twins "ideas."
132. The Weasely twins are not allowed to give me "ideas."
133. The Weasely twins are not "Thing One and Thing Two."
134. When Hermione answers a question, not allowed to say "Very good, now let's hear it in your own words."
135. Naked bonfire dances are not an appropriate way to celebrate Halloween.
- or Christmas.
- or any other Holiday.
136. Not allowed to sing "Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)" by My Chemical Romance in the Great Hall while dancing on a table.
- or while sitting in Harry's lap.
- or at all.
137. I may not reformat the rules in a checklist, make copies, then hand them out.
138. Not allowed to questioned Harry's sanity in front of the press.
139. Not allowed to drink four bottles of PowerAde, two bottles of Mountain Dew, and a glass of Firewhisky, "just to see what would happen."
140. My cat is not my emergency contact.
141. It is not possible to go into "Electronic Device Withdrawal."
142. Not allowed to Frebreez people after Quidditch.
- especially if they're not on the team.
143. Food is not an artistic medium.
144. Not allowed to tell wizard born horror stories about the atomic bomb.
145. I have never fought in a war.
146. First years are not Oompa Loompas.
147. House elves are not related to the Ood.
148. Hermione is not the founder of "Friends of the Ood."
149. Not allowed to build a TARDIS out of time turners are port keys.
150. Not allowed to slap Draco.
- no, no one had to do it.
151. Not allowed to draw bull's-eyes on Harry while he's sleeping.
152. Lucious Malfoy's pimp cane is not "compensating for something."
153. Lucious Malfoy's cane is just a cane.
154. I cannot speak without pronouncing vowels.
155. I cannot give people pyromania by licking them.
- pyromania is not contagious.
- I am to keep my pyromania to myself.
156. Not allowed to send Howlers to Ministry officials.
157. Not allowed to start the wave in the great hall.
158. Not allowed to set my robes on fire to get out of potions.
- nor am I allowed to set my partners robes on fire to get out of potions.
- or my textbook.
159. My cat is not a hat and should not put her on my head.
- or anyone else's.
160. Not allowed to set things on fire in potions class "just for the hell of it."
161. The space under my bed is not "Catland."
162. My cat is not the Queen of Catland.
163. I am not the Prime Minister of Catland.
164. Quidditch is not football and I cannot demand a flag on the play.
165. I cannot bowl in the hallways using a bludger as the ball and any passing student as pins.
166. I cannot cheer for the bludgers during Quidditch games.
167. Draco is not "A fuzzy ball of hate."
168. The Order of the Phoenix is not "A merry band of idiots."
169. I do not know the true meaning of misery and woe, and even if I did I would not be allowed to show it to Draco.
170. I am not the Professor of Panic or the Mistress of Mayhem.
171. I am not allowed to blackmail students.
172. I am not allowed to blackmail teachers.
173. I am not allowed to blackmail ministry officials.
174. I may not poke Harry in the forehead and call him my "Foolish Little Brother."
175. Harry is not Sasuke Uchiha.
175. Ron is not Naruto Uzumaki.
- no matter how similar their eating habits are.
176. Hermione is not Sakura Haruno.
- no matter how smart they both are.
177. Not allowed to replace the Ravenclaws bookmarks with fruit by the foot.
178. Harry is not "The-boy-that-won't-effing-die."
179. Voldemort is not "He-who-cannot-kill-an-infant."
180. Bellatrix Lestrange is not an appropriate role model.
I might add more later. Review please.
