Epilogue - What I Lost

This is the end end. Vivian will close the story out with her own drama, dealing with the agony of loss. All of it.

And maybe… maybe something happy. (Okay, fine, happy ending! I promise!)


"Well." She sighed and sat down on the log bench to look at the lake. "I did not plan on having to do this so soon." The job of the funeral had been harder than expected. Then again, she was older now then when she'd envisioned the task. It was simple, right? Cremation, in a box, put the Eco Pod thing, and plant it in a few more years with the seed.

And she'd done some of it before. Today was different because today she put the box in the earth.

But it was hard because she'd not wanted to have to do this. She wanted to avoid it and everything, ignore it and pretend nothing happened. That wasn't possible anymore. It hadn't really been possible the first time she'd come up to the cottage for that sort of thing.

The day before, she'd dug the hole, and today she'd put her mothers in their little pod into the earth. She'd put it by the lake, right where Holly had loved to lie out in the sun and nap. Right where she'd died in her sleep.

That had been a horrible day. Gail's call, heartbroken, had sent her spinning and racing up to the cottage with the kids to help. But there was nothing anyone could do about it. An autopsy revealed only a brain aneurysm, the same thing that had taken Lily. Holly had simply never woken up from the nap. All Gail could say was that Holly had complained of a headache, joked that it was from the wine they'd had with dinner the night before, and gone to read in the sun. When Gail had thought to check if the retired doctor wanted lunch, Holly was gone.

And now, not enough years later, Gail was dead.

It nearly destroyed Vivian. The once-blonde had worn her white hair with grace, still puckish and childish, but out of nowhere had trouble breathing. Vivian had been there, listening to the doctor offering to run a battery of tests to find out why Gail was doing so crappily, and Gail had just pleaded not to have to do sports anymore. That it wasn't the same without Holly.

Of course Vivian had laughed and followed Gail's wishes, letting her go with dignity. What else did a person have? Still, Gail saw her second great grandchild, lamented they'd not used Steve's name again, and then they sat up all night, talking, reading, losing at video games, just like normal. Matty, Tyson, Ty's wife Trinh, and Lane and even Jamie were all there, taking turns with Nick and Chloe and all of Gail's friends.

Holding Vivian's hand, Gail died, surrounded by everyone. Her family, her friends, and the people she loved. They'd only learned about the cancer after; even Gail's doctor had been surprised. Maybe if Gail'd had all those tests, they might have known. But at the same time, would it have changed anything? No, probably not.

For Vivian, it just meant that the two people who'd saved her, whom she loved more than anything in the universe, were gone. It didn't matter why. It just mattered that they were gone.

It probably would have been easier if she'd had someone to lean on, but that hadn't happened either. While Jamie was coming by the cottage sometime later in the day, she'd decided to stay at the inn back in town, and really Vivian understood that. The divorce had been a long time ago, and while they had both stayed at the cottage together with the kids more than once, this was different.

They hadn't cheated on each other. They hadn't even fallen out of love. Hell, they still cared about each other. But the older the kids got, the more it got awkward and uncomfortable. They didn't fit well anymore. The things that had been little annoyances were bigger.

Vivian knew it was as much her own fault as Jamie's, too. She wanted her job, her career, and unlike her moms, she and Jamie couldn't find that right balance. And it sucked. It did. And they had tried. They talked, they went to therapy. They negotiated and they came to the hard truth. While they could make sacrifices for each other, they would both feel it was the other's fault.

Their final straw had been because of Jason dying. Suddenly Jamie quit being a firefighter and wanted to take over his flower stand. And she wanted to take care of her mother. Vivian thought it was nuts, flatly refused to consider Angela moving in with them, and that had really been that. They never bounced back. Yes, Vivian was being irrational about it, but Jamie was stubborn, and they couldn't come to a place of agreement or peace.

Holly had been so sad. Not for the divorce, but for them. She'd made a Jamie promise not to ghost them, because Jamie was the mother of their grandchildren too, damn it. No one wanted to argue with Holly about that, not even Gail. And that part had worked out. After all, the kids were grown up and moved out and soon were having families of their own.

Still. When Gail got sick, Vivian wasn't surprised that Jamie was right there. When Angela had ended up in the hospital, Vivian moved heaven and earth to make sure she got the best doctors and help. Because they were friends and they cared about each other, and they would always be parents together. Always. Even if they were apart now.

Vivian turned the eco pod over in her hands and wondered. When she died, one of her kids would have take care of the task of burying her. Probably Lane. He'd taken to being a Peck like a duck to water and, like many generations before him, was a cop. Tyson was the scientist, an actual rocket scientist. His success had thrilled and delighted Holly. He was Holly's favourite, and everyone knew it. That had never bothered Lane, who wanted to go shooting with Vivian and Gail, or spend hours memorizing maps of the city while his older brother was pouring over schematics to his latest toy and trying to rebuild it.

God help her, when the boys teamed up it had been hell.

Currently her boys were both still asleep in the cottage. Tyson and his wife had the baby and the toddler in Steve's old room. Lane had taken Vivian's old room as his own.

Vivian still slept in the master, even on her own. Back when she'd been forty, Gail had given it to her as a birthday present. That was the year Gail had officially retired and just before they'd sold the house, downsizing to a place with a bigger yard for Holly. After all, Holly had retired herself a few years back and spent her time writing papers and gardening. And then, not long enough later, they'd lost Holly.

The years felt weird. She was almost sixty. Gail and Holly had died in their nineties. Way too early for Vivian's mind, given how long people lived. The years without Holly had been hard on Gail, more than she really admitted. But Gail had always been easy for Vivian to read. She could look at her impish mother and read the mood. That was why she'd stayed with her mother at the end.

Even so, Jamie had been there for her when Gail died. So had Matty and even Olivia. Everyone, Christian and her rookie friends, had been there. Because they all loved Gail but also they all loved Vivian.

When grandparents died, it seemed right. They were old. Even Gail hadn't been too terribly shocked when Elaine succumbed to her problems. The lingering weeks of pain were not easy, watching someone they loved pass away, but Elaine's death was easier to stomach. So was Brian's. Lily's had not been.

Sudden deaths were hard. Prolonged was hard in a different way.

The sliding door to the house was abruptly loud in the dawn morning. She looked over at the brown head of her older son. "Jesus, Mom, why are you up?" Tyson, irritable and grumpy, held out a cup of coffee. The baby was in a sling, babbling nonsense. It would be a while yet before they were words.

"I'm not used to sleeping in." She took the coffee, letting the cup warm her hands. "Thanks."

Tyson grunted and sat beside her. "I seem to remember grandmas slept in here."

"Hah. Gail and Holly shagged like bunnies here."

Her son rested a hand on his youngest's head. "So did you two."

Vivian sighed. Ty was always more sensitive about those things. Divorced for so long now, and the kid still felt it was his fault. "Honey, the divorce was absolutely not your fault."

He turned red. "I know, mom. But..."

"Ty, stop being an idiot, okay?" She ran a hand through her hair. "Honey. I adore you, but you've gotta stop being stupid. Your mom and I love each other a lot, we always will, but just not like that."

Tyson bit his lip and nodded. "I used to think you guys would make up and get back together."

"Honey," sighed Vivian.

"I know, I know. But I want you to be happy, Mom."

"So do I, Ty." She leaned into her son's shoulder. She'd kind of dreamed that she'd be married forever, die married. But that wasn't her life. At this point, she'd spent more years as a single parent than not. Jamie had moved on. Dated others. So had she. Her life had not been her parents, and that was okay.

Her son's voice was small. "I really miss them, Mom."

"Me too." She closed her eyes.

The world without Holly felt empty and cold. The world without Gail Peck felt small and sad. A little darker. A light had gone out in Vivian's life, forever. As Holly had once told her, if Gail died then they would miss her forever. They would be sad for a very long time. Vivian knew that was true. She may never stop missing them both, but she had to keep going.

Tyson shifted. "I'm gonna make Lane bury you."

"Asshole." Vivian laughed. "I love you, sweetie."

Her son giggled. "You want a tree by theirs?"

"I do."

Her boy— No. He was a man, a father of two. Still, Tyson sighed. "Can I not think of that?"

"You brought it up."

"I know. But..."

"It's gonna be a long time."

Slumping, Tyson spoke softly. "Promise?"

"Promise."

He nodded. "Gonna retire?"

Vivian took a moment. "No."

It was a harder question, she had to admit. The honest truth was that she liked being Superintendent Peck. She loved her job. She even had Elaine's old office, much to the family's amusement. And yes, she was getting up there in years, and yes, that had been one of the sticking points with her and Jamie. It still was. Any time they tore open old wounds, that one came up.

"You're old, Mom."

"Fuck you," laughed Vivian.

"I'm just saying, you could retire and that's okay. It's not like we need the money."

Vivian sighed and tried a different route. "Gail's dad died in service."

"Grandma said he was a dick."

"She did." Vivian smiled and drank her coffee. She was not going to win this one and she knew it, but Tyson wasn't going to belabour it. Her kids wished she'd retire. She wasn't going to. "Give me my grandbaby." Tyson laughed and handed the baby over. "Hey, cutie. You are getting big." The baby babbled and grabbed her nose. "How's Trinh holding up?"

Tyson snorted. "Seriously?"

"What? She just had that dissertation."

"She aced it. Of course."

Vivian made a kiss face at the baby. "Your mom is smart, kid. Take after her and not your silly dad."

"Hey!" But Tyson laughed.

When he had announced he was getting married, Gail had demanded to know if Trinh was pregnant. The two had still been in college at the time. Holly had just laughed and laughed and asked if she could get a wedding and not an elopement. They'd been married on the slope of grass where Holly and Gail's tree would overlook, at the cottage which the boys agreed would be Lane's one day.

"You've been a cop forever, Mom."

She looked over and sighed. "I'm good at it. I like it. And ... I get to feel like my moms are still there."

Her moms. Oliver. Hell, even idiots like Swarek and Frankie. They all lived on in the bones of the Force.

Of all of them, Nick was still around, as was Chloe. Both were in their late eighties now but they were the only ones left from the old guard. Well and Frankie, whom Vivian suspected would never die.

Dov had died of a heart attack before Gail, and Gerald and Andy had died in service. Traci had never remarried after Steve died of that sudden stroke, and then died of cancer herself not too long ago, actually just before Gail.

Yeah, it was a shitty year. Also fuck cancer.

Noelle and Frank had been gone a while now. Their funerals had been hard on Sophie and Olivia, but they had Gail to help them through it. Sam, Marlo, John… The old guard, the people who had raised her and shaped her, were nearly all gone.

"I know, Lane would get it," muttered Ty. "Being a cop is just … weird."

"It's not that, Tyson. Being a cop and staying one... They're different."

"So you say."

It was one of the things their older son had never really understood. Why were his mothers always giving of themselves to strangers? And when Lane seemed to get it from day one, Tyson had gotten sullen and withdrew from the family a little. He'd been a very sulky, angry, pre-teen.

Only Holly had ever successfully drawn him out. He'd been her little shadow, sucking up books and science. He'd been the one to sit with Holly for hours when Brian died, asking her to tell him what happened to great-granddad's energy. Holly swore it had helped. And because of Holly, Ty had a love of science and adventure.

Vivian settled the baby in her lap and wrapped a long arm around her oldest son's shoulders. "Ty. It's a big thing, and it's okay you don't get it. I'm kinda glad you don't. Me and Gail. We're cops because we had to be."

"You're not disappointed? That I'm not a cop?"

"Never, sweetheart. I am always proud of my scientist."

He leaned into her. "I'm glad. That you guys adopted me."

Vivian smiled. "Yeah. I know that feeling."

And then Tyson asked something he'd never touched on before. "Why don't you ever talk about your birth parents?"

There were things that Vivian had thought would die with her. Her parents' deaths. Perik. Elaine and Bill's betrayals. The things that mattered lived on. Ty and Lane knew their grandparents, all four. They'd grown up loved and cherished and cared for by everyone. They didn't need to know about the lies and deceptions the pain. If they knew about Vivian's birth family, the cousin she never spoke to, nothing would change.

Except maybe not.

If Vivian didn't want to be alone, she had to let people in. And Tyson and Lane weren't people. They were her children, whom she adored. They were her boys. She'd changed diapers and held their hands as they learned to walk. She'd taught them to ride a bike and drive a car and shave. She'd had the sex talk with them both, helped them through their first heartbreaks and crushes.

She knew everything about them.

Wasn't it fair for her sons to know about her?

"Well. I was six when they died." She watched her grandchild yawn and snuggle down into nap mode, happy to be in Vivian's lap. At that age, most of their world was sleeping, and Vivian remembered her sons sleeping the same way on her lap. "My birth father shot my mom and my sister. I was out at a sleepover. When I got home, he shot himself in front of me."

Tyson was aghast. "What?"

"It's a long time ago now, Ty. Fifty years." She shook her head and stroked the baby's fine hair, comforted by its softness. "I was mad for a very long time."

"Was?"

"Was," confirmed Vivian. "I have a cousin. My father's sister's daughter. We ... We don't talk. The only time we did, she wanted my bone marrow for her mom. I did not take it well."

Her son exhaled. "Jesus, that's a cluster fuck. I'm glad I don't have any relatives like that."

"Sometimes I wish you did."

"Don't need 'em, Mom, I have you."

Maybe that was why this was so hard. She didn't have her own mothers to lean on and have hug her and remind her that it would be okay. Vivian was venturing into uncharted territory.

"Well. I have you guys," Vivian told her boy.

And it was good enough, she felt.


Vivian frowned, trying to take the question at it's root. Finally she replied, "I think I feel okay."

"Hard to tell?"

She made a face at her therapist. "Yes. I've forgotten... I don't remember me from before, so I don't know if this is how I felt then. I don't think so."

The man smiled at her. "How about relative to this time last year?"

"Oh way the hell better."

"That's good. That's good." He made a note. "How're you sleeping?"

Vivian sighed. "Not any better."

He made another note. "But the feelings...?"

She shrugged. "I don't feel so empty anymore."

It had been the most incredibly weird sensation. She just didn't care. Vivian had gotten up, gotten dressed, gone to work, done her job, doted on her grandchildren, and at night she'd just sat there. She didn't watch tv or read. She just was. Before her kids had caught on, Vivian had told her therapist, who immediately put her on antidepressants.

Having a breakdown where she sobbed to the nurse and said she had no idea how she was feeling probably contributed to the alacrity of the prescription and the strength.

Over time, the void inside her had lessened. She felt a little more normal, or so she thought. That was the question of the day. Did she feel okay? Did she feel normal?

"That is an improvement. Did you stop drinking?"

"Not a drop in three months. Didn't help. Same with the coffee, and can I please go back to that?"

Her doctor smiled. "Well if it's not helping... And you don't want to try the sleeping pills?"

"I don't mind the idea once in a while," she admitted. "But... I'm scared of them long term."

He nodded and jotted that down. "How about something else?"

"Melatonin?" Celery had given her that when Lane's colic had wound her up so much Vivian had been unable to sleep. It had worked, too.

"It's not... No that's better for jetlag and winter. Chamomile tea. Exercise."

Vivian hesitated. "I used to go to Ningymnastics."

Her doctor put his pen down. "What?"

"Parkour? Free running? I used to do that. Until... God. Just after Mom - Gail - retired. That was when I broke my leg." The leg breaking had been unrelated to the ninja shit. She'd been a part of a raid gone sideways and the evacuating people had done a number of stupid things, including shove her down and run over her. After that, though, she'd cut back a little.

"Why did you start?"

Vivian blinked. "That was... Oh. It was after I broke up with Olivia. I started running a lot more and then I was doing Suicide Sprints with Gail's friends in ETF and they did the monkey ninja stuff. So ..."

"Did it help?"

She squinted. "Yeah. Kinda. You're asking me if something I did over thirty years ago helped me get past a teenaged broken heart."

He smiled. "I think you should try it again."

"Awesome. I'll be grandma ninja." The show was still a thing, too. Vivian had watched it filmed more than once, but never bothered to try out.

"Well there's a goal. By next summer, send in an audition tape."

"Are you really a therapist?" She eyed her therapist curiously. "Or are you high? That's a terrible idea!"

"You've never tried it," he pointed out. "Something different might help you get out of a rut."

Vivian grimaced. "I hate when you make sense, asshole."

"Technically you pay me to be an asshole who makes sense."

She slumped in her seat. "And here I thought my whole day would be about how I'm still not dating." Matty, her fabulously gay best friend, had been on her case about that. Jamie, her ex-wife, had also given her hell about it. They'd been apart for over twenty years, and Jamie still told Viv off for not dating. And it wasn't like she hadn't dated at all, but just not since Gail died. "Before you ask, it's the sleeping thing."

The therapist looked thoughtful. "You don't want to date people because you're not sleeping well?"

Nodding, she plucked at a bit of fluff on her jeans. "So... Yeah. It's the thing, when I was younger, where I just couldn't sleep outside the house? If I can't fall asleep, sex gets ... Weird."

"I see," he said softly. "Dating doesn't mean sex, you know."

Unbidden, the memory of Gail telling her that dating meant sex for adults jumped into her mind. Vivian smiled. "Generally ends up there. And ... I like sex. It's one of the greatest discoveries made by humans."

The doctor smiled back. "Well. Alright. So you'd like to start dating again, eventually. And the sleeping thing worries you. We can work on that."

Vivian nodded. "No rush, right?"

"No rush." He looked at his notes. "I do have something I want to suggest." The doctor hesitated, which wasn't heartening. "How do you feel about getting off antidepressants?"

"Hell yes." She sat up straight. "We're talking cutting back and then trying a month, right? Not cold turkey?"

The doctor nodded. "Seeing as your acute depression was most likely situational, I think it's safe."

"Hah. Who knew having your mom die would make you depressed." Vivian knew she sounded like Gail at her most snide and sarcastic, and she didn't care in the slightest.

"Just so. Your next refill is..." He started to look through his notes.

"Two weeks."

"I'll call in a change to that, then. Half dose. And you call me right away if anything changes."

Vivian nodded. "And I'll tell Matty."

He'd been the rock for her through most of this, claiming it was payback for her saving his life. When she'd recognized that she'd been devoid of much feeling, Vivian had told him that she was going to ask her therapist if she was depressed, but asked Matty to come and make sure she actually said it. He'd known, the whole time, more than the kids had about how hard things had been.

"Seeing him tonight?"

"Yeah, apparently the kids are taking me to the batting cages." She rolled her eyes. "Family friendly. There better be tickets to the opera in there."

He laughed. "That's your goal for the year? See the opera?"

"Hey, I like the opera."

And the therapist smiled at her. "See the opera. Sleep better. Try dating."

"Do fewer drugs," added Vivian, bemusedly.

"I think that's pretty reasonable. You?"

While there were flippant replies on her tongue, Vivian took the question seriously. It was another series of steps forward with her life. Not like she really had other options. Well. There was another option, but she'd never considered that one seriously. Gail had confided, a couple years before she died, that she'd always worried about it. That all the shit Vivian just carried around might swallow her up.

Maybe that was why she was so adamant about moving forward. She wanted to deal with her shit. That was the greatest gift from Gail and Holly, the one that still lasted today and pushed her onward. You could survive. You could thrive. You could still be dark and sarcastic and silly and it was all okay.

"Yeah. I think that's reasonable," Vivian said at length. "Let's take on what's next."


White shirt, hat, and lots of sun block. The Pride Parade never changed. "Just get the back of my neck, Lane."

Her son huffed. "Honestly, Mom, like I didn't do this for grandma for years." Lane had cried as a boy when he wasn't allowed on the float (queers and spouses only), so Vivian had taken to marching with him on her shoulders along side the float.

Now, though, Lane marched on his own for his own reasons. Her beautiful bisexual son. Vivian smiled at Lane. It didn't matter to her who he loved, or even if he ever found anyone. Finally she really understood what Holly meant all those years ago.

"Well, unlike Gail, I don't burn." Vivian winced as Lane manhandled her ears. "Seriously?"

"Seriously, you're old, Mom. Trinh'll tell you all about how your skin is easier to burn now. And yes, I'll totally fink on you if you wipe it off."

"Brat."

Lane laughed and wiped his hand on Vivian's face. "Bitch all you want. I'm supposed to keep an eye out for you."

She shoved her youngest son in the shoulder. "Go away, child, you bother me."

By the time she finished rubbing the cream into her face, it was time to get on the float. Vivian had been on the float or marching along side, in lieu of Gail, for decades now. Her mother had hated it and had been delighted when she'd been able to fob the duty off on anyone else. For her own sake, Vivian really didn't care. And now that she was on her own, she liked it. It gave her something to do.

That had been the hardest thing, being single. She had been at loose ends too many hours. After work, there was no one home to tease and banter with. And while her kids did the same as she had when Holly died, showing up regularly and hanging out, it was still a lonely house and a lonely room.

Maybe that was why her grandfather Peck had died on his couch.

She'd spent more nights on her own in the last four years. A new couch though. And a new home. At first, after the divorce, she stayed in the house. It was mostly paid for, the kids had their own rooms, it was near the schools. Matty had moved in, taking the attic, and helping her out as a cool uncle. She loved him for it.

But then the boys had started college and Matty moved out and the memories and ghosts of marriage lingered heavily. Pretty much fucking up every date she had. And then Holly died and Vivian had no idea how Gail was expected to spend her final years in the old house by herself.

Well. Gail was tough as nails. And sensitive and fragile and funny. And it was again Matty who helped her find a nice place that felt nothing like the condo with Jamie, or their house. She had a fucking Tiny House, pulled it up to Gail's house, and announced they were neighbours. It had actually worked out well for both of them.

The Tiny House now lived up at the cottage as a sort of kid house. They loved it. And Vivian loved the parade. But it always made her think of how Holly hated it, and how Gail hated it but did it anyway. Jamie had thought it silly, but some of Vivian's fondest cop memories were being on the float with her goofy mom.

"You look distracted," said a laughing, and weirdly familiar, voice.

Vivian looked down from her seat on the float edge. A young woman with a press badge was holding a microphone and grinning. Maybe not a young woman, but younger than Vivian. "Is that thing on?" She pointed at the mic.

"Nope, I promise. Or may I lose my voice."

She smiled. "I was thinking about my mother. She used to have this gig."

The reporter looked surprised and delighted. "Two generations? Did you ever ride with her?"

"A few times."

Crossing the distance, the woman held out her hand. "Parker Addy."

"Vivian Peck. Good news name." She shook the offered hand and realized the reporter was a little older than she'd thought. And the name was so damn familiar. Vivian always watched the news, listened, but she didn't pay much attention to the talking heads. The story was more important to her.

"It's no Wolf Blitzer, but I make do."

The joke clued her in. "Didn't you used to work for CBC radio?"

Parker looked surprised. "I did get my start on radio." Then she smirked. "Are you a fan, Inspector?"

"Superintendent." Vivian smiled back. "I like the radio news better than the TV ones. I'm old school."

The wheel was turning in Parker's head. "Oh! You're the head of internal affairs?"

There weren't too many Pecks out there these days. Donut fines not withstanding, Vivian was the only one ranked above inspector right now. "Are you a fan, Ms. Addy?"

"Name Peck is famous around these parts, Superintendent." Parker's eyes twinkled, amusedly.

"That is actually terrifying."

"Shouldn't be. Pecks were famous for a long time. Resurgence came when Inspector Gail Peck saved the king of England."

"Prince," said Vivian, correcting her. "He was the prince at the time. And he wasn't in any direct danger."

Parker eyed her. "I have to ask, you know. They still keep the details pretty close the best."

"Hah! Which is stupid! There's a tell all book."

"I know, right?"

"Right. So I'm Gail's daughter." She shrugged.

"Wow. You must have a totally weird view on that TV movie."

"Which one?"

"I was thinking the one about his highness."

Vivian laughed. "No one on that was cast right, they screwed up everyone. First of all, the UC detective was Portuguese and female. And second, Mom's partner was Asian. Way to whitewash that. And they left out the whole lesbian angle, which I can't be too mad about, since Mom, my other Mom, refused to sign the permission for her likeness, or mine, to be used."

The news reporter looked delighted. "I thought you'd say your mother wasn't that snide or sarcastic."

"Oh, no, that was Gail alright."

Their conversation was cut short when Lane jogged up with a bottle of water. "Hey, the parade's held up by a traffic accident."

"Fun times. Anything serious?"

"Nah, just the usual. Guy didn't like how we blocked off the street, tried to get around it." He held out the bottle of water and, only then, noticed the presence of the news. "Oh…"

"It's fine. I'm fine. Shoo." Lane frowned but nodded and hustled off again.

Parker looked amused. "That was awfully familiar, even for another Peck."

Smirking, Vivian took a drink. "My son." After Gail had died, any time Vivian had to be 'on,' her younger son managed to get himself assigned to her detail. It was as if he was worried work Vivian had done with Gail would break her somehow to do solo.

"Oh." Parker's eyes flickered to Vivian's hands. "You don't look old enough to have a son that age."

Wondering if she was being flirted with, she grinned. "Hah, he's my younger."

Parker laughed. "Well I'm just shoving my feet in my mouth, aren't I?"

"I dye my hair," admitted Vivian. That was a Peck tradition in and of itself. She should have stopped, being a grandparent, but rules like that were meant to be broken.

"See that's cheating. I have to as well, though. Stupid TV."

"You should stay in radio. You have a great voice for it."

"I'm not sure if that was an insult."

Vivian smirked. "You know it's not."

The reporter blushed. Yeah, there was some flirting going on. "Harder to have the face for TV, I admit. But I like the change."

"S'cuse me, Parker. They're ready for you." The young assistant looked terrified to interrupt them.

"And so it goes. Nice to meet you, Superintendent. Be around for the parties after?"

"I'm a bit old for up-all-nights, but I'll be at a few."

"Hah, I know that feeling. See you around."

Vivian watched the reporter walk off.

It was always odd, being flirted with. It happened, now and again, and Vivian wasn't opposed to it. The first while after the divorce, yes, she'd been closed off to even the idea of casual dating. But around year two, and the friendly shove from Matty and the aggressive blind date set ups from Gail, she'd started putting herself back out there. After all, he said, if the other gay divorcee was able to get back out there, his best friend should too.

Thus far her track record was about as awesome as it had been before she'd married Jamie. A few dates here and there, one that had turned semi-serious but ended quickly. Sometimes Vivian thought she should have asked Elaine how she'd navigated dating at sixty. Gail just hadn't. She was too old, said the blonde, and too much in love with Holly, and that was that.

Of course, Gail had been around twenty years older than Vivian still was when Holly had died. On the other hand, it meant Vivian had a lot longer to go on her own. She sighed and leaned back against the float. Couldn't things be easy? Weren't you supposed to die with your wife? Get married and stay together until the end.

No. That was stupid and she knew it. Vivian and Gail had talked about it over drinks many nights. While Gail hated the life without Holly, missed her terribly, there was still Vivian and even Jamie and Matty and Christian, and children and grandchildren and friends there for her. And Gail had said a wise thing. "It's okay to be lonely sometimes. If you're missing someone for the right reasons."

Certainly Vivian missed being married to Jamie for the right reasons. She missed the morning coffee and evening beers. She missed just having someone to hang out with, unpressingly. Someone she could talk to about anything. Besides her therapist. Having a person who got her made life easier. It was okay to miss that.

She missed Gail and Holly too, of course. Being able to talk to them about her shit was something she missed the most.

There had been a long talk with the boys about her birth family. After she told Tyson she knew she had to tell Lane. He too was adopted, though his birth mother made random appearances into their life when she was in her right mind. Lane had so far refused to talk to Maisie, though. Maybe that was why he, like Vivian, had ended up in law enforcement.

At least the parade was easy. She could stand on a float, wave at people, toss out beads here and there, and for an afternoon things weren't so empty. Which was really Vivian's problem, and she knew it. Her therapist had been helpful, as much as possible. He'd known everyone, so talking about all of it on an afternoon was just normal now. But that empty, lonely feeling had slowly crept back in.

Vivian remembered it from years and years ago. It was the same feeling as the kid she'd been held, being shuttled from house to house and, finally, to home.

It just sucked that she had to be home now for everyone but herself. Ty and Trinh had a fight, so Vivian had to be Mom. Lane got stabbed and moved in with her for a few months while he got better. She wasn't ever going to be 'just Vivian' again. She was always going to be their home, their rock, and their support.

Not that Jamie didn't try, but she'd moved in with her own mother, and had her hands full there. Vivian didn't envy Jamie that, and once in a while felt lucky that they'd divorced before the Alzheimer's set in. Then she felt guilty about feeling lucky. Then she felt annoyed for feeling guilty, because she had to do double duty.

It just would have been safe to have a place to break down and cry and feel a mom's hug. Chloe, as the last 'mom' around, was still there for her. So was Nick and Frankie, but they weren't moms. And it wouldn't be too long now before they were gone too.

Ugh. It was probably good she'd cut down on her drinking. Vivian had a remarkable talent towards getting maudlin on a bright, sunny, day. Home, alone, at night in winter could be a shit kicker.

But today was a warm, sunny, day to stand on a float and show kids that it was okay to be a cranky old lesbian.


"Viv, over here."

When Jamie raised a hand, Vivian chuckled and gestured. "That's my friend. Thank you." The hostess nodded and let her through. "Sorry about the uniform. I got called into court this morning."

"Anything fun?" Jamie grinned and the woman beside looked a little scandalized.

"Eh, that serial stabbing two years ago? Came up on appeals. I had to vouch for our follow up." Vivian smiled and flicked her eyes to the third woman in their party.

"Oh. Jesus, I'm sorry. Elle, this is Vivian Peck. Viv, Elle Madison."

Vivian held out a hand. "Hi, I've heard good things, I promise."

Elle flushed. "That actually scares me." Her handshake was a little limp, unimpressive, but she smiled pleasantly. "It's nice to finally meet you."

"Hah, meeting your girlfriend's ex wife? I don't see how."

"Someone to commiserate with on Jamie's inability to replace dish towels?"

Vivian laughed. "I told you it was annoying, McGann," she said to Jamie, smirking.

"Shut up, Peck." But Jamie smiled. After the divorce, she'd gone back to McGann. It had made sense in many ways, especially since she took over her father's store. "Did you sway the judge?"

"More or less. The problem is Groves lied about some things the first time 'round, nothing major or related, but it's perjury no matter what. So my investigation was key in proving that what he screwed up was unrelated."

Jamie made a face. "Groves. Is that the same idiot who lost the car?"

"That's the one. I can't believe Christian supported promoting him." She rolled her eyes. "He says hi, by the way."

"How's he liking being in SIU?"

"He hates it," said Vivian with a laugh. "He caught the dead guy in lockup over at TwentySeven."

"Is it ... Is it okay? Talking about cases?" Elle looked nervous.

Jamie and Vivian shared a look. It was a hell of an old habit. Even though Jamie was no longer bound to Vivian by marriage, she remained connected to the Pecks. At the same time, the old background network was fading away. Jamie's 'Peck' clearance would never go away. She was in the club forever.

"It's nothing," demurred Jamie. But she gave Vivian a glance that clearly said they ought change the subject.

"How's the new store doing?"

Jamie grinned and launched into a glowing recap of her second flower shop, this one in Toronto proper, and how well it was doing. That segued into how Jamie and Elle had met, what Elle did, that she had a son and a daughter from her own first marriage (her husband cheated on her, may he rot in hell), and so on.

Because Jamie and Elle had been dating for almost two years, Vivian had heard a lot about her. But her inclination to meeting Elle had been pretty low until Jamie had outright asked Vivian if she would please meet her. It was the please that did sealed the deal. In that one word, Vivian knew that Jamie was seriously falling for this woman. That this was a big thing.

They chatted through lunch, until Elle caught a phone call from her office and excused herself to go untangle personnel drama. Jamie hugged Elle, said she'd see her at home, and once the woman was out the door, she laughed. Not at Elle, no. At Vivian.

"You are still terrible at small talk, Peck."

Vivian rolled her eyes. "Bite me, McGann." But she was unsuccessful at holding in her own laugh. "She's nice."

"Yeah? I feel like you should have met her sooner."

"What? Why? It's your life, Jamie."

Jamie rolled her eyes. "I hate when you do that."

Sipping her club soda, Vivian didn't rise to the bait. They did still snipe at each other from time to time. "Are you happy?"

Blushing, Jamie looked down. "Yes."

"Well. As Gail would say, that's what matters." Vivian lifted her glass in salute and added, "Tell her you're serious."

Jamie blushed even darker. "Is that weird?"

"Which part? Thinking about getting remarried or asking your ex-wife for advice on it?"

"I just ... I still feel like a bad parent sometimes. Leaving you with the kids."

Vivian shook her head. "Don't. I would've fought you for them, with Angela and all that. You know it, I know it. It's been a million years, Jamie. You're allowed to fall in love again."

Jamie looked at her for a moment. "Do you regret any of it? Of us?"

"No," said Vivian firmly. "Look, I'm happy you're happy. I'm really glad the store worked out. I'm glad the boys love both of us. Honest."

Jamie sighed. "And you're still single and a cop. You really don't get out much, Viv."

"Ugh." Vivian rolled her eyes. "Must we?"

"Am I or am I not your friend?"

She smiled softly. "Alright. Yes. You're my friend, Jamie. My second best friend. Happy?"

Jamie beamed. "Yep. And if I'm happy, that's what matters."

"You, McGann, suck."

Her ex-wife laughed. "I'm saying, you should get out and date again. You know Gail would give you shit."

"She didn't date after Holly," grumbled Vivian. She flagged the waiter. "Espresso, please. And a cap?" Jamie nodded. "Cappuccino, light on the foam. Thank you."

Jamie's expression was amused. "You remember my orders."

"Uh, we were together for a long time, McGann. I also remember how you like to fold your shirts." She shook her head. "But you eat tomatoes now."

Jamie startled. "I do."

"Gail was allergic."

Enlightenment dawned. "Viv. I loved Gail too."

"That's the difference, Jamie. I love her." She sighed. "Holly always said I was Gail's more than hers. Because we were both screwed up by mental abuse from our parents. And y'know. She wasn't wrong."

The former firefighter, now florist, was silent until the coffee came. Then Jamie sighed. "I know her death hurt you, Viv. But ... Everyone deserves to be happy, Vivian. Even you."

Vivian smiled and sipped her espresso. "Traci."

"Traci," agreed Jamie. "Ollie would say it too."

"Oh that's dirty pool, pulling Oliver Shaw on me." Vivian laughed. But she had been thinking of Oliver when she accepted Parker's invitation to coffee. So there was a bit there. "Thank you."

"Oh my god! There is someone!"

Vivian nearly choked on her espresso. "What?"

"There's a girl! You met someone."

"Ugh, we're just friends." Vivian covered her face.

It was too late. Jamie hooted. "You have a girl you like! Did you meet her at work?"

"Okay, see this is why I hate you, McGann."

But Jamie grinned. "Really? She slip you digits?"

Vivian pointed at Jamie. "Hush. Her name is Parker, she's a reporter. I met her at Pride. We're friends. Happy now?"

Jamie pulled her phone out and tapped away. "Wait a second—" Her voice dropped to a hiss. "You're dating Parker Addy?"

"Did you just google lesbian reporters named Parker?"

"You're avoiding the question, but I'll take that as a yes."

"We're just friends," Vivian said wearily. "We aren't dating."

"Okay. How long have you been hanging out with her?"

Vivian sighed. "Since summer."

"Yeah? What do you do?"

"Y'know... stuff. We go to baseball games. We went to a concert. We saw that new spy movie with Rowan Blanchard... " Vivian trailed off.

Dinners. A lot. Coffee. And they texted all the time. Oh no... They had dinner once a week, or more, and Parker regularly came over to binge watch tv on her downtime. The reporter had a busy life, with a show that filmed 40 weeks a year, but it seemed that they spent their free time hanging out.

All their free time.

"Batting cages?" Jamie was positively impish.

"Oh my god." Vivian covered her face with both hands. Mortified.

"You are so Gail's daughter," teased Jamie. "You may want to bring that up with her before she gets the idea you're not into her."

"I hate you. You get that, right?"

"I know," said Jamie, far too cheerfully.


Having the conversation was hard enough when she'd been in her twenties. In her sixties? Yikes. The last time she'd even talked about it had been with Jamie, who had just called her 'girlfriend' while they were lying in bed eating ice cream.

Ugh.

"Hey, you're really quiet," said Parker, startling Vivian out of her thoughts.

"I'm sorry." Vivian ran a hand through her hair, nervously. She was sure she looked just like Gail.

"Well I'm going to steal that shrimp from you, if you don't eat it."

Vivian grinned. "You could have ordered it." She took a bite.

"Its more fun to steal from you," said Parker, and she reached over. "Why don't you ever eat tomatoes?"

The question distracted Vivian enough that she didn't defend her food. "What?"

"You never eat raw tomatoes. Or cooked ones. But I've seen you eat pizza."

Vivian blinked and felt herself blush. "Oh. It was... Gail. My mother, she was allergic. So we never had it around the house growing up. And when I moved out, I wanted her to, y'know, come over. I just never did."

To her surprise, Parker gave her a soft smile. "That's really sweet." And then. "It's nice to meet someone who isn't ashamed they like their parents."

Vivian smiled. "I love my moms." It still wasn't past tense. It didn't feel like loved. She understood the difference, and the different kind of loves. Like Elaine? She'd loved Elaine. But while she missed Elaine, it wasn't heart wrenching.

"Both of mine are still alive," mused Parker. "Parents. Mom and Dad."

"What do they do?"

"You didn't run a background check on me?" She was teasing.

"Hah, you joke. Elaine, my grandmother, ran one on my ex."

"Oh? The firefighter?"

Vivian nodded. "Yeah. Jamie didn't find it at all amusing."

"What if I have some mysterious and secret past?"

She laughed. "I think, at this point, that's a requirement for anyone I date." Immediately, there was an awkward silence. Oh. So that's what it was like to be on this side of that conversation. Vivian sighed. "Shit, Parker, I'm sorry—"

But Parker cut her off. "Shh." She was smiling ever so slightly. "Dating."

Somehow she held in her wince. "Well. Yes."

"Dinner. Phone calls every day." Parker smirked at her. "Please tell me you didn't just now figure out that we were dating."

Now she winced. "How close to 'now' is 'just' in this scenario?" When Parker burst out in a laugh, Vivian peevishly remarked the obvious. "I was never a detective because of shit like this."

"I see why. Wow." Parker actually had to dab at her eyes, she was laughing so hard. "Okay. I see how this is going to have to work."

"I am, historically, remarkably stupid about women hitting on me," confessed Vivian.

"I can tell." But, like Jamie had, and like Skye and even Olivia and Kate, Parker seemed to find it interesting. Endearing. Maybe even cute. "I like you, Vivian. I would like to date you for real. With flowers and kissing and maybe sex."

Vivian didn't blush. At least being raised by Gail had helped her with that. "I'd like that."

"Good." She smiled broadly. "So can this be a date?"

"I don't put out on the first date," said Vivian dryly, and Parker laughed at her.

But it was a good laugh. A promising laugh.

They ate the rest of their dinner, shared a desert, and when the time came to say good night, there was only one difference from their previous dinner.

"So I heard a rumour," drawled Parker, holding Vivian's hand as they walked to the cars.

"Oh? Is this on the record, Ms. Addy?"

Parker laughed. "There was a report that came across my desk last week, about how the higher ups in Toronto policing had a fight about tattoos."

Vivian rolled her eyes. "It was hardly a fight."

"There wasn't enough substance for the story," continued Parker. "If it was a slow news week, maybe. But what amused me was the part where a Superintendent ripped her shirt off to show her tattoo."

Now Vivian laughed. "I didn't rip my shirt off. Who the hell told you that?"

Delighted, Parker came to a stop. "It was you. You have a tattoo!"

"I have three," admitted Vivian. The third was relatively new. She had 4727 + 1 tattooed on the inside of one arm. Both Gail and Holly would have laughed over it, probably given her shit, but it felt right. "The argument was over visible tattoos and uniforms, which I thought was stupid."

Parker smiled and leaned in to buss her lips over Vivian's cheek. "I'd like to see your tattoos," she said, in a soft, low, voice. And before Vivian could reply, Parker shifted her weight, gently took hold of Vivian's lapels, pulled her close, and kissed her. For real.

Okay. It had been a while since Vivian had kissed another woman. Not a long while, but long enough. She'd never been a player, never would be, and she was never a good romantic. Vivian was practical, serious, and thoughtful. That was the way the world made her, shaped her, and formed her.

Vivian just wasn't made for casual romance. She'd tried that again with Kate up at the cottage and considered herself lucky to still be friends. Her too few girlfriends since Jamie had been brief, and the last had been before Gail died. Two and a half years. Not a forever time, and not even her longest time without a date. Especially since Matty had set her up on those stupid blind dates.

Still this was the first really serious kiss in a while, and it was the first in a long time that sent sparks down her spine. It was warm and tender, not in a rush, not wet and sloppy, not brief and dry. It was a good kiss. The kind of kiss that left a person aching for just a little more.

Without thought, Vivian rested her hands on Parker's waist. She didn't try to pull the other woman closer, keeping the space between them. But she felt the draw, the want to be closer. It hit her like a brick to the head. Vivian really had been dating Parker all this time, and she really wanted to keep doing it.

It was just a sweet, quiet, simple moment in the November chill.

Vivian wanted it to last forever.

"So," said Parker, in her heels she was eye to eye with Vivian. "I'll call you tomorrow before my show."

"I'd like that," said Vivian, her voice soft because she just couldn't speak any louder.

"Okay then." With a big smile, Parker kissed the corner of Vivian's mouth and then nudged her back.

Like an idiot, Vivian waved and watched Parker drive off. She felt giddy, and young again, and impish.

She had a girlfriend.


Christmas was the worst.

Not that Vivian had ever been a huge fan of noisy, shared experiences in the first place. And at least she didn't have the problems Holly had with depression. Her run on the antidepressants had only lasted a year and change. Situational, they called it. Yeah. Having your mother die on fucking Christmas Eve you did tend to do that. Every December was a ramp up in seasonal depression.

But now it was three years later and Vivian felt like a different person. Sure, it still ached to know that today was an anniversary of a sad day when everyone else was happy, but her family was aware of that. They were also incredibly overprotective of her on Christmas Eve, and Lane had taken her car keys the moment she walked in. Viv knew she was spending the night with her kids and grandkids. And that too was alright.

This year, Jamie was with her new fiancée's family. They'd talked about it, she and Vivian, before the kids asked. Vivian would take Christmas because the kids worried about her, and Jamie would get New Year's, and that was okay. It didn't matter that Vivian still found Elle a little dull. Jamie seemed happy, and that was what mattered.

Sitting on the floor, she watched her newest granddaughter attempt to advance from wriggling to crawling. Her fellow grandparents, Trinh's parents, were in the kitchen helping Tyson with dinner while Trinh was arguing with Lane and his boyfriend about the new Star Wars movie.

The older grandchildren were enjoying their Peck presents, lightsabers and a Darth Vader voice modulator. The seven and four year old were old enough to be nothing but trouble. It was like having Ty and Lane at that age all over again, only she wasn't in charge.

No, they had left Vivian with the baby. "Come on, kiddo, you got this," she said encouragingly. The baby made a frustrated noise. Clearly not yet. Vivian leaned over and tried to help the baby get in the right crawling pose. She was rewarded with watching the child rock back and forth happily. "Simple pleasures, huh, kid?"

"Please stop encouraging my baby to walk, Viv," said Trinh with a deep sigh. "Three. Why do I have three? I don't think my back has ever been the same."

"Don't look at me. I stopped at two."

"You adopted!" Her daughter-in-law handed over a beer. "I think you were smart."

Smiling, Vivian took a sip. "I'm going to remind you of that some time later. Probably when Holly here starts talking." Baby Holly looked up at her name and made a noise. "Yes, you."

Having the baby named for Holly had been unexpected. The two older girls were named for Trinh's family, and everyone agreed the mother got veto power on the names. But the last one being Holly Abigail Peck warmed Vivian's heart in many ways. She might have argued that Gail hadn't been short for anything, but 'Holly Gail' had sounded a little odd.

Her sisters were already calling the kid 'Hail' though. Hailstorm when she was vocal. Earlier that night, when baby Holly was in her bouncy chair, they'd marched around her chanting 'All hail Hail!' and waving their lightsabers. Right now, the oldest girl was deep into her tablet, reading something, and the middle was passed out hugging her lightsaber. They'd gone from manic and crazy to silent in seconds.

"I think I should give up and let them call her Hail." Trinh looked like she was resigned.

Cognizant that the name had been for her peace of mind, Vivian pointed out the truth. "I don't really mind, you know."

"Are you just saying that?"

Vivian shook her head. "Not at all. You know I hate shit like that."

Smiling, Trinh nodded. "Good." She leaned against the couch and watched baby Holly rock back and forth cheerfully. "I know I miss them. Is it … how hard is it?"

Looking over at Trinh's parents, who were younger than Vivian was, she shrugged. "It was … Holly was hard. No one expected that. I felt like I had some time to prep for Gail."

"Grandparents dying feels … I don't know. Normal?"

"It's their time," noted Vivian, absently. "I remember when Gail's father died. I felt disoriented, but Gail's entire world changed. Suddenly there was this impending mortality that hovered over her. And when Lily, and Elaine, and finally Brian died, she got a little colder about things. Suddenly the generation between the family and death was her, and she knew it." Vivian sighed. "I don't think Holly felt it in the same way, but she was a lot closer to her parents."

Trinh looked thoughtfully at her. "Why don't you … You always said they died. Never any .. y'know you don't say 'passed' or 'lost' or anything."

"We didn't lose them," said Vivian, derisively. "I know where my parents are. I buried them." She even knew where her birth parents were. And Trinh had heard that story too, in part.

After telling Ty, Vivian realized she had to tell her other son. And at that point it was important to tell Trinh as well, since Tyson needed someone to talk to who wasn't his annoying baby brother.

"You lost them from your life, though," countered Trinh.

That was, in it's own way, why Vivian liked her daughter in law so much. The physicist never shied from questioning and pushing. "I don't feel like I lost, though. I miss them, don't get me wrong. I miss them a hell of a lot… I still feel like I should text them about the stupid shit that happens." Vivian smiled. "What I lost wasn't people."

Reaching over, Trinh covered her hand. "Sorry, I know Christmas is Jamie's thing… I'm not helping."

Vivian put her beer down and picked up the baby. "No. It's not that. It's… You know, I don't remember when I stopped thinking like that. I can't remember when thinking of them as 'gone' was normal." She settled the baby in her lap, bouncing her lightly. "Death is just weird. One day they're here, the next they're not. Their energy is somewhere, but it's not in the form I got used to seeing."

"Okay, you're sounding mystical woo-woo like Uncle Jerry now!" But Trinh laughed.

"Uncle Jerry… Hah. He was almost born in Holly's car. Did you know that?" Vivian grinned.

"Oh, that's why his middle name is Hollis?" Trinh looked impressed. "I liked his mom, Celery. Weird name though."

"His dad was my Uncle Oliver. The absolute greatest person to walk the planet." She smiled and hefted the baby in the air. "That's right. Uncle Ollie was the best."

"Is Olivia named after him?"

"Dunno. Noelle never said." She held Holly aloft, enjoying the squeals of laughter.

Olivia and Vivian had fallen out of touch a few times over the years. It was through no one's fault but distance and time. Olivia lived in New York these days, and Vivian did not. Three hours time difference and totally different lives contributed to the change and it wasn't repaired. Olivia had married, divorced, married again, divorced again, and had no children. By contrast, there was Vivian, married with kids and then divorced. And still a cop.

Still. When Gail had died, Olivia had dropped everything to be there with Matty and support Vivian as best she could. She stayed over and made sure Vivian got up and dressed and did the things you had to do for life. It was, Olivia said, the least she could do for her friend. But they were two people who had grown past each other.

That story, though, the story of Olivia's birth, was so wrapped in Peck family history… One day she'd have to tell the kids the whole thing. Probably not any time soon. Then again, maybe New Years Eve, drinking a little and watching the fireworks, she'd think about the times she sat on Chris' shoulders and how everything wound together. Death, life, and everything in between.

When her phone buzzed, it startled Vivian out of her head.

"Here, give me my kid and get that," said Trinh, the understanding child of lawyers.

"Sorry." Vivian kissed Holly's nose and handed her over before seeing a surprising message on her phone from Parker, who was supposed to be working, that made her smile.

Sucks working Christmas. Have a happy one, Super.

A very astute Trinh asked, "Who's the text from?"

Vivian hesitated. She hadn't told the kids yet. "A friend." And history came and kicked Vivian in the ass. She'd called Jamie that, once, to Elaine. "A..." She felt her face turn red. "Oh Jesus, don't tell the boys, please."

Trinh smiled ear to ear. "You have a girlfriend?"

Vivian winced. "Yes. I met her over the summer. She's a reporter."

"She cute?"

Rolling her eyes, Vivian tapped up the photo of the two of them hanging out at a baseball game and held her phone out. "We're just ... It's new."

Trinh regarded the image for a moment. "You like her, though?" In Vivian's brief hesitation, the woman smirked. "Take her to the batting cages?"

"Jesus, Trinh," groaned Vivian, rolling her eyes.

But her daughter-in-law looked justified. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

"We just started dating last month," Vivian admitted. They hadn't even had sex yet. A lot of nearly sex, but Vivian was slow off the mark and Parker had a very demanding job. They'd been really close to it, planned it, and as they got to Vivian's condo the US president had done something stupid and Parker ran off to work.

Vivian didn't mind it, really. She understood and respected it. She was a bit frustrated, though. Sexually speaking. And that was fair too.

Trinh nodded. "I think you should go for it. Tell them."

"Uh, have you see how Lane acts every time I mention having a date?"

"Lane's a grown ass man. He should act like it for a change."

Vivian made a face. "Look, I'm not saying you're wrong. I just don't know what I am, or where I'm going."

Her daughter-in-law shrugged. "As I recall, your mother told me none of us do."

"Life advice from Gail Peck, never gets old." Vivian sighed. "I don't know."

"Vivian Stewart Peck," said Trinh, in her best 'mom' voice. "You are not that old. If a hot girl is into you, you pull on your big girl pants and get the girl. And if your sons have a problem, I'll kick their asses."

Vivian broke up laughing. The idea wasn't that ludicrous, after all. Trinh would totally kick their asses.


Kids worried.

At one point Vivian might have argued that was her job, to worry about them, but she remembered the many years of worrying about her own parents. It wasn't about them getting older, it was that as she got older she felt more and more a responsibility to thank them somehow for everything they'd done for her.

Her own kids worried about logical things, too. Like the idea of their mom having girlfriend. When she told them she was bringing her girlfriend to her birthday dinner, and they should make sure there was a ticket for her, there had been silence at the lunch table.

"Sorry… Girlfriend?" Lane had frozen with his falafel sandwich halfway to his mouth.

"Yeah, girlfriend." Vivian reached over and picked up a french fry from her older son's plate.

Tyson, probably prepared and warned by his wife, just shrugged and slid the fries closer to his mother. "What's her name?"

"Parker. Parker Addy."

Tyson stuttered. "The ... the reporter?"

Vivian nodded.

They had spent New Years together, Vivian coming to Parker's work party. Not in uniform, of course. They'd had a bit too much to drink, kissed as the clock stuck midnight, watched the fireworks, and then gone to Parker's snazzy condo. And yes, they'd had sex. And it was good.

Of all the things Vivian worried about, her physical assets were not on the list. She was in great shape, fit and toned, and genetically blessed with melanin so her brown skin was nearly always dusky. Parker being nearly fifteen years younger did bother her, a little, but not as much as she'd have thought.

They meshed well. Their humours and moods and emotional ages were much the same. And it worked. Two obsessive, dedicated people. The age difference just didn't matter in the end. Sleeping had worked out, too. After sex, lying in Parker's bed with the woman wrapped around her, Vivian surprised herself by just falling asleep.

She'd warned Parker before, weeks before, that she had trouble sleeping. That she sometimes had nightmares. That most of the time, she just didn't sleep. Parker had listened to all that, sitting on Vivian's couch that afternoon, taken Vivian's hands and spoke about when she'd been oversees on assignment. And how she'd seen people who had worked through terrible times and seen terrible things, and how it never really left them.

Vivian did not explain her whole story. It was taken as a matter of fact that someone who had survived in the police force for forty years had seen some shit. And frankly, Vivian was willing to let the past die because her nightmares weren't the same as they'd been. They weren't about her birth parents. She dreamed about the dead and the living, of her mothers and her sons and the family she'd made.

Back then, as a child, she knew what she'd lost. She understood that her parents, her sister, were gone forever. But that shocking, all-in-one loss was abrupt and brutal and harsh. The drawn out change of normal life had been even harder to struggle through. To lose, one by one, her grandmothers, her grandfather, Oliver, even Andy, and then Holly and Gail.

It hurt. She missed them every day. She missed the way Oliver called her (and everyone) darlin' and hugged them. She missed Brian's laugh and Steve's bad jokes. She missed the way Andy would act like the world was perfect and be upset when it wasn't. She missed Gail singing. She missed Holly's smile. She missed walking in on her mothers kissing or worse.

And on top of that, on top of all her personal life, she had those years of other people's pain to deal with. The hundreds of people who had their lives ruined by crime, by crime adjacent, and the police. Much of that guilt sat on her shoulders.

That first night with Parker, though, there had been no nightmares. And there had been more dates and sex and damn if Vivian wasn't happy.

Matty had found the whole situation hilarious, the fact that they'd been dating so long without dating, but was encouraging about it. He was hugely pro dating, and had worked through a few boyfriends since his divorce. Two super serious.

But Matty didn't have any kids to worry about. As much as Vivian did want to enjoy her life, it included them. Not hurting her sons' feelings was important to her.

Lane swallowed and put his food down. "Mom. She's like… She's half your age!"

"Two thirds, more or less." Vivian sighed. "Are you really worried about that?"

Her sons shared a look. "Lane, stop being an ass," Tyson declared. "She has her own show, doesn't she?"

Vivian nodded. "She does, on Wednesday nights." Last week, Vivian had gone to a taping and been highly amused. It was fun to watch how Parker could just memorize things super fast, recite them, deal with people wandering off script, and still make it look like it was all planned.

It was Tyson who said the unexpected. "She's kinda hot, Mom."

A laugh jumped out and Vivian covered her mouth. "Yeah, yeah she is, Ty."

Tyson looked amused. "Don't worry about the dinner and stuff, I got it covered. And we're seeing Blackbeard."

Vivian perked up. "Really? Did Gail ever tell you about the first time she tried to see that opera?"

"Was that the case at the comic convention?" Tyson chuckled. "Khaaaaan." He shook a fist. From Gail, the kids had a love of some of the finer things in life. She'd made sure they traveled out of the country and appreciated the classics. Of course, she also schooled them on video games and trounced them till her dying day.

"That's the one! I actually have never seen it." The last time it had been in town she'd been out of town for work. Before that… well, that was a long time ago. "I'm not screwing up your numbers?"

Her son rolled his eyes. "No, but I wanna know why Trinh knew about this first!"

She laughed. "She's a damn yenta is why she knows. Tell her thank you, would you?"

"Always, Ma." Ty glanced at his brother. "I think we broke Lane."

Beside them, Lane looked like a bit of a stuffed fish. "Girlfriend?" He'd said that before.

"Honestly, Lane," sighed Vivian.

"I just… You didn't date anyone for like forever. And now you have a girlfriend?"

Vivian hesitated. "Lane, honey, you do know I've been going out with women after the divorce, right?"

"Yeah, like Kate and Divya and one or two—"

She cut him off. "Like four or five." His mouth snapped shut. "Did you think I was celibate or something? It's been years."

Lane, flustered, shook his head. "No but… Why didn't you tell me?" He eyed his brother. "You knew."

"You kinda overreact about that stuff," Tyson pointed out. "And you were a kid."

Vivian waved a hand. "I really didn't date until you two were teenagers."

"But..." Lane looked from his brother to his mother. "You ... Mom, that doesn't ..." The young man trailed off. "I don't like that," he finally stated.

"Which part?" Vivian hadn't been quite that amused at her son in a while.

"All the shit you gave up for us."

Ah. Vivian smiled and reached over to pinch Lane's cheek. "Honey, I'm your mom. That's my job."

Her sons took that in deep, thoughtful silence. Then Ty spoke, "You never said girlfriend before, Mom. Not since Divya."

"Well. Casual dating is a bit different from serious dating." She shrugged.

While never inclined to the absolute casualness that Lisa or Frankie had mastered, Vivian had somehow come to a place where it was okay to have a couple dates with someone, determine it wasn't really going to be a lasting thing, and be okay with what it was. Some of them might have been girlfriends, but really they'd been like her long-ago ex, Pia. People she hung out with and slept with, knowing that it would end.

Tyson looked interested. "How serious are we talking? Do I need to ask her about her intentions?"

Vivian rolled her eyes. "You do that and I'm showing her your naked toddler pictures."

"Hey, I was a fucking adorable naked kid." Tyson grinned. "And the bath pictures with me and Lane are cute as hell." Four plus years apart, the boys were rarely able to pose for things like that.

"Oh, tell me you did that thing where you re-create childhood photos as adults? Please? Those would be the best photos ever."

Clearing his throat, Lane cut in. "You like her?"

Vivian blinked and nodded. "I do. She's … She makes me smile, Lane." She did like Parker. It was hard to place why and where, and certainly they'd not made any plans past dating, but Vivian did greatly enjoy spending time with the reporter.

"Does Mom know?"

"Yes, Jamie knows. Not that it's her business, and your mother knows that."

"Okay," said Lane slowly. "Tell me about her."

"What?" Vivian laughed in surprise.

Lane waved his hand. "It's been a long time since you've been like this about anyone, Mom. I'm allowed to worry about it. Like … are you serious about this?"

Vivian sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I am serious about this, Lane. But I kinda think the only person that needs to know that is Parker. No offence, but I'm a grown up. I'm allowed to make my own decisions."

Her sons exchanged a look. "Do you really like her?" Tyson looked incredibly serious all of the sudden.

"Yes." Vivian answered without hesitation. She really did like Parker.

"How come you don't want to tell us, Mom? I know you don't care about boundaries."

Vivian snorted. "Gail didn't care about that," she corrected. But she conceded to the point that their mother's girlfriend shouldn't be an unknown. "Okay. Well she's great. She's smart too, like Gail used to just memorize shit and freak us the hell out? She can do that too. And she's a … she's sexy in this girly girl way, which I didn't know was even a thing for me, but hey, it totally is." She looked down at the food. "We have a couple things in common, but not a huge hell of a lot, so we've got all this stuff to talk about… And yes, we talk. A lot."

Both boys looked surprised. "Wow. We made Mom babble," said Tyson, aside to Lane.

"Damn. I forgot she did that."

"Shut up, both of you." Vivian picked up her schwarma. "Are you done?"

Tyson smirked. "I dunno, how's the sex?"

Not to be outdone by her son, Vivian replied right away. "Great, thanks for asking."

A few days later, after a dinner that was actually pretty nice and devoid of her children acting like children, and after a show that held up to the hopes of decades of wonder, Vivian found herself walking down the street on a chilly February, holding hands with a younger woman, retelling the lunch story.

"Hang on, your kids asked how the sex was?"

Vivian nodded. "Trust me, that was actually the most normal thing about the whole conversation."

Parker made a face. "I don't know if I like that."

"Well, it's not like they don't know we're having sex. Hello, I'm old, but I'm not dead."

Her girlfriend smothered a laugh. "That wasn't what I meant," she said and chuckled.

Grinning, Vivian paused and waited for Parker to turn to look at her. "It's sex. Pretty much every adult has it. It's one of humanity's greatest discoveries. And yes, my kids told me when they lost their virginity. We're pretty open about that."

With a deep sigh, Parker shook her head. "That is incredibly weird."

"It's Gail's fault… Or Elaine's I guess."

"Elaine… Gail's mother?"

"That's the one." She squeezed Parker's hand and started walking again.

Parker slid her arm through Vivian's and leaned into her. "You have a very strange family."

"Thank you."

That got a giggle. "Is Lane named after Elaine?"

Vivian nodded. "He is. Did I tell you how we ended up with him?"

"Does it involve kidnapping?"

"Almost. His mother's a junkie. Her mother was one of .. well, it's complicated, but her mom was the CI of a detective who died a real long time ago."

Parker made a thoughtful noise. "How long ago?"

"He died a couple months after I was born. Long, long time." She sighed, thinking of how the memory of who Jerry was would fade away soon. "Anyway, Sadie got clean, kind of, and had a kid who was less clean and was in and out of the system for ages. Finally, she shows up, coked up, and hella pregnant and there's an explosion. Christian and I couldn't get her out in time, and we ended up midwifing her."

"Wait, so you delivered him?"

"Yep. Caught him, wrapped him in my overshirt. We had to cuff her to get her to the hospital. She wanted to ditch him or give him up." Vivian paused, remembering trying to convince Maisie to keep the child. Parker didn't attempt to fill the silence. "She ended up dumping him in my arms, and I just couldn't put him down. He was addicted to drugs, was going to have all kinds of problems, and I just ... I knew he had to come home with me."

Mulling that over, Parker finally asked, "How the hell was Jamie okay with that?"

"Oh, I was in the fucking dog house," admitted Vivian. "But… She saved Ty from a house fire before we adopted him, so it wasn't like she had a lot of room there. Maisie actually legally signed him over to us before she skipped town."

"And you named him for your grandmother?"

"Elaine was... She was pretty sick at the time." Vivian shrugged and dug into her pocket, pulling out the phone and tapping up a photo of newborn Lane in his car seat.

Parker smiled at the photos. "He's tiny! How is that Lane?"

Today, Lane was six-four, the tallest of the lot. "He wasn't even six pounds. I know." She shook her head and swiped to the photo of Lane and Elaine. "Ty was the tank."

"That's just so weird… My parents freaked out when I told them I was dating a grandmother."

Now Vivian had to laugh. "Oh god, that must go over well. Do they think I'm some eighty year old cougar?"

Parker chuckled. "Not after I showed them your photo. Now they want to know where you keep the painting in your house." When Vivian blushed, Parker squeezed her arm. "They do want to meet you."

"Yikes," said Vivian, suddenly surprised. "Meeting the parents? That feels really serious."

"News flash, Peck. I'm kind of serious about you."

"Sure, but meet the parents serious? That's like... They're going to ask me what my intentions are!"

With a grin, Parker asked, "And what are your intentions with me?"

Vivian laughed. "Tonight? I was thinking I'd hail a cab and we could go back to my place. Have a nightcap. Get laid."

"Optimistic."

"I'm a simple creature with a messy history," she said gravely, and was rewarded with a laugh. "Stay with me tonight?"

Parker slowed and stopped walking. She pulled Vivian closer, reaching up to cup her face with both hands and very, very slowly kiss her. "Only if you actually get me a cab."


Vivian pounded on the door. "Lane, I swear to god, I will pick the lock. Open your fucking door."

One of Lane's neighbours opened his door. "I'll call the cops," he said querulously.

"I am the cops," replied Vivian, and she pulled her badge out of her pocket. "And his mother, and he's being a dick." Vivian kicked the door.

That got Lane to open his door. "It's okay, Mr. Graham. She's really my mom." He glowered at Vivian though. "I'm not going."

"Do you want to have this conversation out here?" Vivian gestured at the hallway. "I'm fine with that."

"I don't want to talk about this at all. I'm not going, I don't care."

Vivian arched her eyebrows. "You should care, Lane. She's your mother—"

"No she's not!" Lane's voice cracked. "She gave birth to me, fine! You're my mom! Jamie's my mom! She's just my ... my donor!"

Oh how she understood that one. Vivian sighed. "Lane, sweetheart..." Then she turned to look at Mr. Graham. "Do you mind?"

The man closed the door swiftly. But Lane didn't budge. "Mom. I'm not going. I don't care."

"You should," said Vivian gently, swallowing all of her anger and fury. None of that should be thrown on her son. "Lane. I get it. I really do. But honey, she's dying."

Lane shook his head. "Mom. I can't," he replied, nearly crying. "I can't. I've never even seen her. She ... I can't."

"Lane," she said again, trying to think of how Holly would handle this. How Holly had handled this? When Vivian raged and was angry and shoved everyone away, Holly had lowered the wall. Okay, try. Vivian took a deep breath. "Lane. You only get one chance to say goodbye."

"I've never even said 'hello' to her," said Lane, bitterly.

"You can, though. I can't. Your brother can't."

Her son wiped at his face. "Mom. No. I just... I can't." Sniffling back a sob, he added, "I'm sorry I'm a disappointment but I just can't do this."

Vivian felt slapped. "Lane. Sweetheart, you are not disappointing me! Never."

"I can't do this, Mom," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

The wall was insurmountable for her son. Vivian took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, sweetheart," she said softly. And Vivian stepped to her son, opening her arms a little.

Her boy, tall and strong and scared, wrapped his arms around her to cry a little. It didn't last long. Lane, like Vivian and Gail, didn't tend to linger much when it came to that. He apologized a few more times, and Vivian tried to make sure he understood that he wasn't disappointing her.

She was disappointed, but really in herself. Vivian had been covering for Maisie for years. When the woman showed up needing money, Vivian provided a small amount. She'd paid for Maisie to get clean three times. She'd been there when Maisie had OD'd. When Sadie died, Vivian took care of that too.

And now Maisie was dying.

At least Sadie had never asked to meet her biological grandson. She'd seen the photos, saw how happy and loved Lane was, and thanked Vivian. Sadie understood the situation and the difficulties. Lane was Vivian's son, not Sadie's grandson. And Sadie had died, happy that Lane was loved. At least Vivian presumed so. Poor Sadie had been killed in a car accident, totally out of nowhere.

Which all meant that Maisie was alone. She was alone, dying, and asked if she could finally meet her biological child. A person she'd not seen since he was born. And now Lane was a grown man, capable of making his own decisions.

After she was sure Lane was in a good headspace, Vivian drove to the hospice. Opening the room's door, Vivian peeked in at Maisie. The woman was thin as a rail. She'd always been thin. So had Sadie. But now Maisie was skin and bones and nothing more. She looked worse than Elaine had in her final days.

"Hey," said Maisie, smiling tiredly up at Vivian. She rolled her head to the side. "He wouldn't come?"

"I'm sorry." Vivian closed the door and came to sit by the woman. "He's being an idiot."

"It's alright." Maisie closed her eyes. "You didn't have to."

Vivian sighed. "I did, Maisie."

Her son had been too young when Sadie had died, and the death had been too sudden. Vivian and Gail had managed to be there, with Andy and Traci, but they'd all felt that telling a six year old boy that his biological grandmother was dying after a car crash was too much. So it had been Vivian who held Sadie's hand and promised to be there for Maisie.

At the time, Gail had said it was a stupid promise. Now, as she took the hand of the woman who have given her a son, and Vivian felt the ghost of her mother. She heard Gail telling her she was an idiot, but she'd promised. She had to. Because Maisie had given her one of the most precious gifts.

"I never got to say goodbye to my parents, Maisie," she told the woman. "And I didn't say goodbye to my aunt when she died, because I was pissed off at her. And ... I didn't want that for Lane."

The weak hand in hers squeezed. "He's allowed to hate me, Vivian."

"He doesn't," she said firmly. "He doesn't."

"He should," said Maisie softly. "I left him. And the drugs..."

Vivian shook her head. "No. I mean... yes, it was bad, but. Maisie. He's good. He's great. He's ... amazing. Smart, and kind, and this isn't him. He's just ..."

"I hurt him, Vivian."

Well. Yes. That was true. Vivian sighed. "I know. But..."

"Tell me about him?"

So Vivian told her about Lane. Everything. From bringing him home to his first steps. How his first words were "again" and it came after Vivian had thrown him in the air at the lake and caught him, much to Holly's horror. She told her about how much he loved sports and how his family nickname was Fast Lane because he went from crawling to sprinting. The story about first day at school brought a laugh. Maisie listened to Vivian tell her about Lane's first girlfriend, and boyfriend, and him announcing he was going to be a cop. How much he loved what he did.

Eventually though, Maisie fell asleep. Vivian sat there for a while, making sure she was out, before leaving the room. Immediately, she hunted down the doctor to ask one important question.

"How long does she have left?"

The doctor hesitated. "A few days. Maybe. Her system..."

Vivian nodded. "I know. She's been abusing drugs for thirty years, doc." She sighed. "Just... please. Call me. Any time, I don't care. But she shouldn't be alone."

With the promise assured, Vivian walked out of the hospice and realized, as she got to her bike, she didn't want to go home. More, she didn't want to be alone. Tapping her phone, she dialed her top contact.

"Hey, copper. Thought you had weird family stuff to do."

"I do. Did." Vivian smiled. "Can I... come over?"

Parker hesitated. She was working. Of course she was working. But before Vivian could retract the offer, her girlfriend said yes. "Of course. I'm not making any headway on this shit anyway."

"Are you sure? I understand if you're busy."

"Hey. Viv? Come over or I'll be pissed at you."

Vivian smiled sheepishly. "Well when you put it that way..."

The door to the rather luxuriously cluttered condo was open. "Don't give me shit about the door, Peck."

"My mother was kidnapped by a serial rapist and murderer because of a door," replied Vivian, locking it behind her.

Parker made an angry noise. "Fuck you, and now I'm going to be neurotic about that forever."

Vivian smiled. "Not sorry."

"Huh, you look like shit. What happened?" Walking in from the kitchen, holding a beer, Parker was wearing sloppy jeans and one of Vivian's shirts that she'd left.

It struck Vivian in that moment that she didn't just like Parker Addy. The growing feeling she had for the woman was familiar. The last time had been a while ago, and while that had slowly changed to a different kind of affection, Vivian felt safe here.

This was, she knew, the right choice. Being here. Dating Parker. This was a woman she needed in her life. This was someone she relied on and leaned on. And this was someone who deserved the truth.

"Lane is being a Peck," she sighed, and took the beer. "He won't see Maisie."

"I may regret this. Who is Maisie?"

"His birth mother. She's dying." Vivian walked over to the window and looked out at the city.

She loved Toronto. Her whole life was in the city. And it was a life she loved. If she looked hard, she could see places where she'd worked with her mothers. There was the spot they'd all worked on a case with a mummified body. There was a field where they'd watched Lane play his first serious baseball game. There was where Vivian had gotten shot.

Behind her, she heard Parker sit on something. Probably the arm of the couch. "And ... you want him to?"

"I want him to think about it." She sighed. "Ty's birth parents died when he was a baby. He was a couple weeks old. He never knew them, not really. And I know Lane only saw her for an hour before Maisie split, but .. she's alive. And she's dying. And he should say goodbye."

"That's important to you," said Parker softly.

The words tumbled out without any control. "I have a cousin. I don't talk to her. Ever. I ... Her mother, she left me to go in the system. After my birth parents died. They were ... my biological grandparents were abusive. Which is probably why my birth father ..." Vivian trailed off.

And patient, understanding, Parker filled in the silence. "You don't have to explain."

"Oh, I know." Vivian focused on the construction down the road. "He killed them. My birth father. Shot my sister, my birth mother, and then, when I got home, shot himself. In front of me."

"Jesus." It was unbidden, but the surprise in Parker's voice was unmistakable.

"My aunt, she refused to take me in, told social services about the abuse stuff, and that's how come I ended up a foster kid. No one wanted me. Not ... not until Holly and Gail and I was so mad at them, and her, when I found out."

She had to stop. Her blood pressure was rising and her watch pinged her wrist, telling her to calm down. Vivian closed her eyes and leaned against the window pane.

"How old were you? When you found out?" Parker was quiet, her voice gentle. It didn't press, it just asked. Very different from her interview voice.

"Twenty-six. My cousin showed up, out of the blue, because her mom needed bone marrow."

"You gave yours?" Parker sounded shocked.

"No. I wasn't a match." Vivian turned and looked at Parker, her stomach roiling. "It's a whole big stupid legal thing."

"When did she die?"

"Uh a long time after, actually. God. Over a decade. Experimental treatments." She hesitated and looked back out the window. "I don't think I would have, though. If I'd been a match," confessed Vivian.

Parker was quiet for a long moment. Then her bare feet made a soft sound on the floor and she put a hand on Vivian's back. "I get it," she said gently. "You just don't want Lane to feel like this."

Who in their right mind would want anyone to feel like this? It was agony. It was having her nerves peeled back, scraped by hot spoons, flaying her open and then abandoning her. "I'm still mad," she admitted.

That was a factoid Vivian tried not to tell her therapist. Four of them had scowled at her about it, in varying degrees of disapproval. Even her favourite, Dr. Cooper, had been frustrated that Vivian just couldn't get past it. She could get over her birth parents, her birth mother and her sister. Her birth father though... no.

"Even now?" Parker's hand tensed a little.

"Yeah. Even now." Vivian sighed and took her head off the window pane. "My sister, y'see. Kim ... Kimmy's nine, she's always nine. She's like a ghost stuck in my head. And sometimes, I think about my aunt. How she ran and didn't try harder and she left me and Kimmy there, even though she knew. Because she did. She knew. And I get it. She was fucked up and all she could do was keep me from my grandparents. But. She left us."

Here she was, over fifty years later, and she was still fucked up over all of it. She was still mad. She still hurt. It still, to this day, cut at her and ached. Every time she thought about it, she felt empty and angry and hurt. Agonized. Ripped alive and left out to die of exposure.

And today, it made her miss Gail and Holly just a little bit more. Because they were gone as well. They'd helped her struggle though her emotions so many times, suffered her lashing out, propped her up and nudged her forward. When she'd screwed things up with Jamie, half her life ago, Holly had held her when she cried, frustrated and unable to process.

But in the now, Parker just sighed and leaned against her. She didn't say anything. Her arms came up under Vivian's, face pressed against Vivian's back. Parker just held her quietly. And Vivian closed her eyes and leaned back, absorbing the feeling for a little while.

"I'm going to sit with her," she told Parker, quietly.

"Okay." And then. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Yes.

No.

Vivian grimaced. "I don't know."

Her girlfriend sighed. "Vivian. I have never met anyone like you."

Oh god. Vivian couldn't help it. She stiffened. She was about to be dumped.

And then Parker said something else.

"I don't want you to do this alone, Viv. Life's too short for that."

She blinked. Then she turned her head. "What?"

"Life. It's too short to muddle through alone." Parker looked confused and let go, stepping a little back to look at Vivian seriously. "I mean, it is. And I like you, a lot. I don't think you should have to keep shouldering the weight of the world by yourself."

They stared at each other, Vivian certainly confused. "I'm ... I'm not sure where this is going, Parker... I though you were going to dump me a second ago."

The reporter screwed her face up. "Jesus, the world did a number on you."

"It's ... yeah." Vivian heaved a sigh.

"I'm trying to say we should move in together," said Parker, a little exasperated. "But not here. Or your place. We should sell our places and get something new. That's ... us."

Vivian felt a little shell shocked. There had never been a single woman she'd ever dated who'd asked that. Not a one. She'd asked Jamie, after all. But that was different. Jamie had moved in with her. This. This was new.

"Together?"

Parker bit her lower lip. "Sorry. I have bad timing."

"No! No— I mean yes. I ..." Vivian groaned and covered her face with one hand. "Yes, you have terrible timing. But it's not a bad thing. I ... where?" Her hands fell to the side.

"Where?" Parker bubbled a laugh.

"Well ... yeah. I don't want to drive forever to work," she said practically. "Do you want another loft? Or maybe a high rise? I've never lived in one before my apartment."

"Oh? You like houses?"

"I do when I had two idiot boys running around." Vivian grinned.

"You want room for your family?"

"God no," snorted Vivian. "That's why I kept the cottage." She'd had to put an extension on it, turning the tiny house where she'd once lived (ostensibly with Gail) into a kids bunk house, now that she had three grandchildren. Three rambunctious granddaughters. And she loved them so. But dear god, not at her home.

Parker sighed, wistfully. "I like that cottage."

Now Vivian bit her lip. "I want to retire up there. One day. Maybe..."

"Hah. You will never retire, Vivian Peck," teased Parker. But she smiled ear to ear. "But ... that's a yes?"

Ah. Vivian smiled, feeling the weight lift off her shoulders a little. "I'd like to move in with you, yes," she said softly. "And ... If you're serious, I could use some moral support with Maisie."

Parker smiled more, which Vivian hadn't known was possible. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Vivian's neck, pulling her down to kiss. "Always," she whispered, fiercely.

And Vivian believed her.


"So you're moving in together."

Vivian frowned and stopped in the hallway. That was Tyson. Why was Tyson at Matty's, and who was Matty moving in with? A very much not Matty voice replied, however.

"Tyson, I don't mean to be rude, but this is a conversation you should have with your mother." Parker. Her girlfriend, soon to be live-in girlfriend, was at Matty's with her son.

"And preferably not here, where you mother is coming," said Matty, in his most annoyed voice.

Uh oh. Vivian stepped closer to the door and closed her eyes, listening. It was on her list of things Gail would do and Holly would frown about before also doing, so it was okay. Any time both her mothers agreed on something, it was safe. Her therapist didn't agree, but conceded that point.

"Uncle Matty, we're serious," said Lane, his voice tight. "They've only been going out for—"

"A year and three months." Parker had on her no-fucks-given voice. It made Vivian smile. Her girlfriend was going to rip her sons a new one.

They deserved it. Blindsiding Parker like this wasn't cool. And while Vivian understood their caution, they were good, caring sons, the three of them had already had the conversation as needed. As Vivian had explained, she and Parker had started apartment hunting, had an idea of a nice one downtown in a building Chloe said Frankie had recommended for them, and they were going to live together.

At the time, neither Lane nor Tyson had objected.

Apparently they did now.

"Jesus, you're idiots," Matty said. "Do you have any idea... your Moms barely went out a year before Jamie moved in. Gail only didn't move in on the second date with Holly because I'm pretty sure she didn't realize they were dating."

Vivian smiled. Oh good, Matty was on their side.

"It's not about the speed," said Parker, knowingly. She was a reporter who took on the Prime Minister, she could handle two stupid Pecks. "You're worried I'm going to break Vivian's heart."

There was an emphatic silence. Vivian knew her boys were staring at their boots. "Mom's been through a lot," said Tyson. His voice was measured.

"She told me," said Parker, in the same kind of tone.

There was no doubt in Vivian's mind they were talking about her biological parents. She sighed. Lane didn't actually know the whole story yet. Not because she was hiding it, but Vivian did try to shield her son from some of the worse things out there. And it didn't matter any more. They were dead, after all. He knew the basics, though, about the murder/suicide. Less about Vivian having seen it.

"La dee dah," said Lane, quite annoyed. "If we're done bragging about Mom's secrets, that's not why I give a shit."

"It's not?" Tyson was clearly surprised.

"For fucks sake, Ty. Mom's a grown ass adult. Don't be a dick."

"Hey! You didn't have to sit with Mom when Divya dumped her."

"You didn't either! She's a grown up, and Divya totally looks too much like you."

"That's a stupid reason!"

"Oh my god, Ty, you're such an ass. Shut up." There was some stifled laughter from the gathered people. "Look, Parker, here's the deal. If you get Mom, get serious like this, you get us," he said, pointedly. "And Mom. You get Uncle Matty, and Aunt Chloe, and god help us, Uncle C and everyone else. You get a hundred cops who'd put their life down for Mom. A bunch of firefighters, lawyers, and everyone's kids. And ... we're not all easy."

The lovely sound of Parker laughing came through the door. "You're not," she said, agreeing. "And your mother works way too many hours, worries about all those people, and tries not to be a burden for any of you. I know all that. But... I really like Vivian, Lane."

"Do you love her?"

Vivian winced. Leave it to Lane to just ask that. The boy was still incredibly bold about it, even though it'd blown up in his face more than once. And it had for Parker too.

"I don't know," said Parker. "It's a harder thing to know at our age."

"Word," said Matty. "Older you get, weirder it gets."

"Yeah but you love us," said Tyson, confused.

"I've known you since before you came home from hospital, Ty. I made your first Halloween costumes, both of you. I'm your fucking family, of course I love you. Idiot. But romance... love is different. I bet Viv hasn't said it either."

There was a snort laugh from Parker. "No, she hasn't."

"She didn't tell Jamie until a couple years in," Matty said knowingly. "And speaking of Divya, yes your Mom loved her, but neither of them ever said it."

"Divya was the political wonk?" Parker sounded very amused.

"Ran the campaign for our Mayor," explained Lane. "She was cool, but got uncomfortable when people asked if Tyson was her son."

"A bit particular," said Parker.

Okay, that was enough. Vivian opened the door. "They though she was his biological father. Can we be done being a bag of dicks to my girlfriend, please?"

Her sons had the grace to look ashamed. Matty smirked. Parker, however, scowled. "Eavesdropping? At your age?"

"I'm a cop," she replied, and walked over to the couch to kiss Parker's cheek. "Ty, what's your beef with the moving in, that you were too cowardly to ask me?"

Her son looked at her, then Parker, and then back to Vivian. "Are.. are you both sure?"

Vivian arched an eyebrow and looked down at Parker, who shrugged.

"Never," said Parker, with a soft smile for Vivian. "I'm never sure of a goddamn thing with you, Viv. But I really want to try and stay with you and see what's next."


It was fun to watch Parker work. It was a life that Vivian had no real understanding of, until recently, but her girlfriend was really teaching her a lot. Parker was amazing at interviews, she felt. Parker knew how to connect with and communicate with just about anyone.

Watching her interview the PM's staff was enlightening. Parker directed them to difficult topics, coerced them to discuss the latest international dramas, and she made it look easy.

Okay, fine. Vivian found watching Parker at work to be a turn on. It was the whole brain thing. She was damn smart, sharp and swift on her feet. She knew what she was doing and why. She just... Parker was a bad ass. And Vivian was delighted to know she'd get to go to their home that night. Together.

"You seem quite interested in the reporter," said a women behind her.

Vivian blinked. She knew the voice and it was giving her a bit of a heart jump. Turning around, she almost laughed. "Your Highness," she said softly.

"Staff Superintendent." Charlotte, Princess Royal, (aka CPR if you were Gail) smirked at her. "Do you know Ms. Addy well enough to be ogling her?"

"Oh. Yes." Vivian scratched the back of her head. "We live together."

The princess looked surprised. "Oh. My. I think I need to fire my spies."

Now Vivian laughed. "It was just last month. Please tell me they knew I was divorced."

"Tell me you'd noticed the cards changed," retorted Charlotte.

Every Christmas, since she was 26, Vivian had received a card from the King of England. When Wills eventually died, she often wondered if that would continue. He was in his 90s now, and still king. Well. His grandmother had done similar, skipping over Charles for William. That had been quite the shocker at the time.

Now, though. Now they all expected George to step out of the line of succession for his own children any day. And Charlotte would simply remain Princess Royal until her death.

"I liked last year's card. Who picks them?"

"I do. Yours at least. My mother used to pick your mothers, she insisted." Charlotte paused. "We were all very sorry when they died."

It had really been that long since they'd seen each other in person. Wow. Vivian essayed a smile. "Thank you." It felt stupidly mundane to say, and the Royals had sent Vivian a condolence card after Gail's death, but here, now, it was all too real again.

They stood in silence for a moment, watching Parker eviscerate an ignorant politician. Then Charlotte asked, "Is it strange, when they're gone?"

"Yes," said Vivian without hesitation. "It's incredibly weird. This amazing, guiding force in your life just vanishes. Except for the times you hear them in the back of your head, of course."

The princess laughed. "I imagine Gail sounds rather like my grandmother."

"Probably more like your great aunt if the rumours are true," said Vivian, teasingly.

"Oh definitely." Charlotte smirked. "She's good, though, your Ms. Addy."

"She's awesome," agreed Vivian.

"She wants me to be on her show."

Vivian did the calculations in her head quickly. "She could get you in tomorrow." The princess was in town for the rest of the week. After that she was off to BC and then the US.

"I really don't care much for being eviscerated on telly. She's taken the PM's man down a few pegs tonight, and I shudder to think what she'd do to me, given a day of ammunition gathering."

"He's a moron," Vivian pointed out.

Charlotte chuckled. "How much fun would it be if I told them I was available for a half hour tonight?"

"For Parker or your men?"

The princess looked impish. "We may call you for lunch later this week, if I have time."

"I'll make myself available," promised Vivian, and she grinned as the princess walked back to her staff.

It was with even more delight that Vivian watched Parker's momentary panic and then decisive nod. She shuffled her entire program on the fly and after the break had the princess royal sitting with her for an impromptu interview.

And she rocked it.

"So," murmured Parker as she settled against Vivian's shoulder, hours later and back at their condo. "The princess said a funny thing at the commercial break."

"Oh?" Vivian let her fingers run through Parker's hair, marveling at the colour. She knew Parker used dye, but damned if it didn't look great.

"Mmmmm. She said she only agreed to do my show because she trusted my girlfriend."

Vivian laughed. "Damn, I owe her a drink now."

Her girlfriend sat up. "How the fuck do you get all chummy with the princess!" Parker sounded horrified and thrilled.

"I'm not supposed to talk about the case," drawled Vivian, earning a glare. "But everyone except me, Charlotte, and Louise are dead. So..."

"We're in bed," said Parker.

Early on, they'd agreed that anything said in bed was 100% off the record, permanently. Most of their conversations went that way. With Vivian being the highest ranking Peck alive, she held the power to dispense information in the family. Not that she did much anymore. Letting the clandestine shadow Pecks fade away was Elaine's idea. Gail had carried it on, and Vivian would be the one to close it out.

Still, she knew a lot more than the average staff super. "The long version involves stolen Nazi art and very angry woman. She tried to blow up Charlotte. I saved her, well the car actually. Since she knew Gail, and me, from the whole thing with Wills, we kind of became casual friends. Any time she was in Toronto, I got a visit." Vivian folded her hands under her head. "Still get a Christmas card."

Parker fixed her with a shocked expression. "You hang with Charlotte, Princess Royal?"

"We don't 'hang.' I just get invites to lunches and shit. She says hi, I say hi, and that's usually it."

"Uh huh, so how'd she know you're my girl? MI-6."

Vivian chuckled. "No. Apparently they didn't mention that."

The reporter knew what that meant. "You told her we're dating?"

"I got caught ogling you," admitted Vivian. "I really do love watching you work."

Parker's face softened. "Oh."

They hadn't talked about the love stuff. They'd talked around it a couple times. Parker admitted to having a couple failed relationships where they blew up right after confessions of love. So she was skittish. And really Vivian got that. What she'd thought was her big love turned out to be not so much. It took her years, half her sons lives, to sort out how she felt about that.

Now, at the end of nearly twenty years of being divorced and a few scattered relationships here and there, Vivian could tell the difference in how she felt. She did love Jamie, that wasn't a doubt or a question. She loved her mothers and her sons. She loved Steve and Oliver and Traci and Chloe and sometimes even Andy. She loved her uncle Nick.

Love was bigger than just a one person thing. Love was so much more. It was greater than all things. It was, like Lily had told them, in everything. And now, finally, Vivian could see it and understand it. She loved many people.

And she knew she loved Parker too.

So when she'd decided to move in with Parker, a woman who couldn't quite say the three little words, Vivian felt alright by it. She trusted the universe for a change.

"I like you a lot, Parker," she said softly, and held a hand up.

Her girlfriend hesitated and then took the hand, letting Vivian tug her back to the bed, to lie on Vivian. "I like you a lot too," replied Parker, as Vivian's arms wrapped around her.

"So if I say that other thing, is it going to creep you out?"

"Probably." Parker made a disgruntled noise. "But I kind of want you to say it, and god I hate that."

"Makes you feel like a girl?"

"You." She huffed. "You, Vivian Peck, make me feel like a gawky fourteen year old, asking Melissa Benton to the dance and being told girls don't do that."

Vivian laughed. "Oh come on, you're younger than I am, and girls totally did that at my school!"

"Well they didn't at mine," grumbled Parker.

Vivian laughed again and then reached to tilt Parker's head so they could kiss. "I was hopeless at fourteen."

Smiling, Parker kissed her again. "Was?"

"I haven't always been in touch with my feelings." She rubbed her thumb on Parker's cheekbone and continued softly. "But I know how I feel about you. You make me happy. I get excited when you call. I have butterflies in my stomach. And, not to sound all clingy, but I really like touching you. Which is new for me."

Parker sighed and closed her eyes, resting her head against Vivian's shoulder. "How ... how do you get brave enough to try that again?"

"What? To say I'm in love with you?" Vivian hmmed softly as Parker stiffened a little, running her fingers lightly down her girlfriend's back. "You just do. It's something my moms taught me. The ability to grow and survive and be you even when you're scared."

For a while, Parker didn't say anything. "You snuck that in there."

"I did," said Vivian, smiling.

"It wasn't that bad."

"Has if occurred to you that you're not very romantic, Ms. Addy?"

Parker snickered. "You think you're funny don't you?"

"I'm fucking hilarious."

Kissing her collarbone, Parker mumbled. "I maybe love you too."

"I can work with maybe."


She was a little drunk but Vivian hummed happily as she put the book on the shelf. Parker, also a bit drunk, laughed. "You're putting that book up like it's from God at the mountain."

"Hey, it's my boy's first book. It goes in the special books place." Vivian slipped Tyson's book in the slot, at the end of Holly's row, and beamed. "Right by his grandmother."

"The special books I'm not allowed to move," teased Parker.

Vivian had staked a claim on her side of their office for her special books. A few rows were work books, or ones about cases. Then there was a row of family books. That included Chloe's god awful poetry, Nick's photography, and Celery's ... well. Whatever the hell it was. Herbs of Ontario. Above that, the row of Holly's books.

Parker came up behind her and leaned into Vivian. "Beyond the Bones. The true story of a dynasty of crime."

"Mom's second book. She solved a hundreds year old mystery."

"Is it good?"

"Depends. If you like bones, and reconstructions, yes. If you like blood spray, then The Bloody Dress is better. I found Under the Grass kind of gross."

"What about Ask Me Twice?"

Vivian paused and then pulled the book out. "Fiction."

"What? She wrote fiction too?"

"Kind of ..." Vivian hedged and then handed the book to Parker, saying no more.

Her girlfriend read aloud from the back cover. "The lone posthumous work of Canada's most celebrated and lauded pathologist makes one wish for a time machine. New York Times." Parker whistled. "A radical mystery made even more enchanting by her technical expertise, Dr. Stewart takes the reader into the heart and soul of her Mountie, Miranda Slattery. Wall Street Journal. Wow."

"Want the ebook?"

"Yes please. Did you publish this?"

"Gail and I did. I knew she'd finished it and that first winter Mom was a mess so I pulled it out and said we should read it." Vivian smiled at the memory. "Holly wouldn't let me before, so I had to hack into her laptop."

That had been right when Vivian had moved back in with Gail, too. It was silly, living on her own when the boys had moved out and Gail was alone. Of course, Gail being Gail, she didn't want Vivian around all the time, which ended up with Vivian selling her house and buying a tiny house.

The look on Gail's face when Vivian parked it in the back had been worth everything. And it had worked out perfectly. Vivian had just enough space to reset her own life, and Gail didn't feel like she was being nannied. Now the tiny house was up at the cottage as the extension, used by the grand kids as a place to stay that was mostly their own.

But the story. Holly's story was amazing. It was an original mystery, though Gail pointed out people and events that were real. Her main character was a lesbian Mountie, more like young Gail in that she was impulsive and a bit reckless. Desperate to prove herself. The love interest was a sexy librarian who'd found the body, and they'd laughed at that.

It was a good book. The reviews were no joke, either. And the best, it hit top ten of the Times' best sellers and stayed there for a month. Vivian still got royalties on the regular from it, more than the non fictions. Except for Beyond the Bones, which was pretty awesome.

They'd had such a party when that first book was published. Everyone piled into the Penny, where Holly hadn't been for years. Festooned with banners and balloons and friends, it was ... it was fun. By contrast, when Gail and Vivian had published the fiction book, they'd sat together at the cottage with the final copy. Vivian read it aloud on the dock while Gail nursed the same beer for hours.

It felt like a farewell to Gail. She'd been melancholy for days after. But Vivian felt like it meant Holly would live forever.

"Deep thoughts, Peck," said Parker, her voice a soft whisper.

"There are three deaths," replied Vivian. "The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time."

"David Eagelman?"

Her heart tripped. Once, Jenny had told her she was a bit of an elitist for not liking girls who weren't at least moderately educated. Vivian had remarked she just preferred her dates to know that Mussolini wasn't a vegetable. And here, Parker knew the neuroscientist that had done PBS specials a million years ago.

"Hmmm. Yeah. I was thinking... thanks to this, Holly gets to live forever. As long as someone finds her book in a dusty store or library. They may fall in love across time and she will live on and on."

"Do people really fall in love across time?"

"They do." Vivian smiled. "I prefer to fall in love here and now, though."

"Stop," said Parker, with a laugh, and she put the book back. "I like this picture of Holly, though."

Beside the books, Vivian had framed a photo of Holly in her late forties. It was before her hair had started to seriously go white. The sort of Holly that was ingrained in Vivian mind and heart as 'default Mom.' She was in jeans and a dark shirt (unbuttoned to show off cleavage and a white undershirt), with a labcoat over one arm, laughing at something. Gail probably. It was at their house, the one where Vivian had grown up.

It wasn't the best photo ever. The focus was messy, and the background showed clearly that someone had not cleaned up their video game shit. Again, probably Gail. But it was the Holly whom Vivian kept in her heart. The one she remembered most fondly. The one who hugged her when she was scared that Gail might be dead. The one who didn't scream when Vivian was dangling off a cliff. The one who made goofy faces and blushed when she was promoted.

"I like it too," said Vivian. "But ... I remember that Holly. Why do you?"

"She looks ... I don't know how to explain it right. She looks like a good person here. Like I could tell her anything and she'd hug me."

Vivian smiled. "You could. And she would."

"Meanwhile, this photo of Gail, holy fuck. She broke hearts, didn't she?"

The picture of Gail nearest the books was much more recent. "That," said Vivian. "That is the last time Gail went to a police function."

Gail's hair was longish in the photo. Certainly longer than the cropped 'do she'd sported for her entire marriage. Practically all white, the hair was still lustrous and glamorous. Actually all of Gail was stunning. She looked like a damn movie star, in a blue dress that complimented the uniforms of the night. And she was holding Vivian's award, looking away from the camera, with a faint smile and those amazing classic features.

"Why the last? She doesn't look sick."

"She wasn't. She just decided that was it. When I got the award I came back the table, she said, and I quote, 'If you think I'm stuffing my tits into a dress like this again, you can fuck yourself.'"

Parker giggled. "I like Gail. I wish I'd met her."

"Me too."

Somehow, Vivian felt Gail would have liked Parker. And maybe would have liked Vivian and Parker together. Gail was always a hard sell on any of Vivian's girlfriends after Jamie. She was so protective of Vivian's heart. How could someone not love Gail for that? She just wanted her kid to be happy, to be loved, and to be safe.

"Did Gail write?"

"No. She tried a couple times, but after she retired she mostly acted as a consult."

A great many mystery writers had asked Gail for information, and while it annoyed the woman so, it also delighted her. Classic Gail.

"And you?"

Vivian laughed. "Oh hah, no. God did not grant me the talent to imagine like that."

"Atheist."

"Honest though," she pointed out.

"Come on, Viv. Everyone imagines."

"Not me. Not like that." She shrugged and turned around to hug Parker properly. "Doc says it's childhood trauma."

Her girlfriend froze. "Hey. We don't have to ..."

They'd already talked about some of it. Most of it. "When your early imagination is about nightmares, it tends to fuck you up," pointed out Vivian. "I just never sorted it out, is all."

Parker sighed and squeezed Vivian tight. "I am too drunk to have a serious conversation about this, baby."

"Sorry, I only come in serious mode."

"Clearly." Parker huffed. "Do you have a photo of me in your office? The work one."

Vivian blinked. "No." She only had the portrait of Elaine, and everything else was her degrees and awards. "Do you?"

"No, and I want one. I want a sexy one of you, in uniform, looking like a poster child."

No one had asked for that before. "Ms. Addy. Do you fetishize me in my dress blues?"

"Oh no. No. I lust after you in the working blues, with that white shirt on your lovely skin." Parker's voice was practically a purr. "And your muscles. You're so, so, toned." She ran her hands up and down Vivian's upper arms. "Lanky."

Vivian blushed. "Parker," she said softly.

"Let's go to bed, hmm?"

Parker stepped back, breaking their embrace but taking Vivian's hands and tugging her lightly. The reporter lifted her eyebrows and smiled.

She couldn't help it. Vivian returned the smile. "I am a weak, weak woman," she whispered, and followed where Parker led.


"I don't mean to be this way, but don't you have a cleaning service?"

Vivian smirked. "Yes, and two idiot sons and a passel of grandchildren, and I actually like the cleaning service." She wiped sweat off her face and pushed the trundle bed in Tyson's room back into place.

Parker snorted and wiped the bookcase down. "They're hard on the cabin."

"Not as much as they were when Lane was young."

"Is that why you call him Fast Lane?"

"He went from sitting and screaming right into sprinting." Vivian sighed, remembering those days.

Poor Lane had mobility issues and trouble crawling. So Gail, in her infinite wisdom, had helped him with walking. Vivian and Jamie had gone away for a weekend alone and came back to Tyson looking beleaguered and Lane running.

"He's very active," said Parker, agreeing. "But his room is cleaner."

"He wasn't allowed to go out until he cleaned it. Didn't work so well with Ty," she confessed.

"These are not children's science books." Parker held up a dusty tome. "This is the discovery of X-rays."

"Holly." Vivian shook her head. "Which is hilarious, because all those smut books are hers."

Giggling, Parker wiped off the book and put it back in place. "Whose room was this before Ty?"

"Steve, Gail's brother. He hid all sorts of shit in here."

"Like?"

"That hellish slingshot?"

Parker made a face. "What the hell did he use that for?"

"He wouldn't say. Gail confiscated it when I found it."

"Boys are weird," said Parker under her breath.

"Why do you think I kept it locked up?"

"What'd he hide in here?" And Parker pushed on a panel, revealing the secret Peck cache.

Vivian had actually forgotten about that. While she'd never used it, Vivian had found it her third night in the cabin. It had a cooler with a letter for Gail, from Elaine. Even at six, Vivian recognized the privacy needed in that letter and left it alone. "God, I wonder if Gail found the note..."

"Should I look?"

"Yeah, it's in the cooler with a bottle of ... something."

"Seriously?" Her girlfriend laughed.

"Hey, I haven't looked in there in like fifty years, lady. I'm surprised the boys never found it."

"What is it?"

"No idea. It goes to both rooms though. I suppose they hid beers in the cooler."

"That sounds like your mother." There was a plastic thunk and Parker leaned out of the secret passageway. "There's a bottle of fucking expensive tequila and a note for you."

"That," said Vivian, "sounds like my mother. Come on, let's get drunk."

Parker pulled her shirt up to clean the bottle. "If this is as good as claimed, it'll take two shots, Superintendent Lightweight."

"Give me my note," she snapped, laughing. The letter was plucked out of Parker's hand and Vivian popped it open as they went to the kitchen.

"Well, read it out loud."

"Dear Vivian. You are finally eighteen." Vivian stopped. Good lord. That was a long time ago.

"That's it?" Parker found two shot glasses.

"Sorry. You are finally eighteen, and Holly won't get on my case about leaving you some really good shit. She might when she figures out I blew two grand on this, but seeing as you're a teenager and this spot hasn't been disturbed in a decade, I may have to leave you a hint in my will. Anyway. My mother hid some primo booze in here for me, as an apology. I'm leaving this for you as a reminder. We love you." Vivian smiled. "And it's signed Gail."

Parker snorted. "That's it? Nothing meaningful? No secrets of the universe?"

"They taught me those when they were alive." Vivian watched as Parker poured two shots. "I should leave something for the boys."

"Why? They haven't seemed to have gotten in there."

Picking up her glass, Vivian eyeballed it. "Maybe they did. I found it and the note for Gail. But I left it alone."

"You think your kids are as honest as you?"

"Now that they're both parents, probably."

Parker laughed. She picked up her glass and held it to Vivian. "To your mom."

"To both of them."

Their glasses tinked and both downed the shot. It burned, but not as much as normal. The tequila was amazing. "Oh I am not sharing this with my kids," said Vivian, firmly.

"Can we bring this home?"

"Absolutely." Vivian poured a second shot for each of them. "I'm calling it done with cleaning. We have leftovers. Let's sit with our feet in the lake and get drunk."

They had two more shots, and a stacked Dagwood, before the sun had set and the water was just a bit too cold to be enjoyed. Retreating back to the cottage, they stretched out as best two people could on the wide lounger on the upper deck.

In the cool evening, Vivian's thoughts drifted to the time when she was a child and her mothers had bought the telescope. After using it on the dock all night, Holly made Gail help her haul it upstairs to the deck where Vivian was now comfortable. The angle, Holly insisted, would be better.

At less than ten, all Vivian really knew was the deck was for her mothers to be romantic (which she knew meant sex). But that night there was a meteor shower. Holly pointed the telescope to the sky, Gail turned off all the lights, and the new moon made the sky a tapestry.

Vivian remembered looking up at the sky without the telescope, asking what the smudge was in the sky, and hearing Holly's delighted laughter. It was the scientific laughter that Holly shared any time she enjoyed the wonders of the universe with someone else.

That smudge, which Vivian could see even now, was the Milky Way.

And before Holly could explain more, streaks of light made their way across the night sky.

Gail pulled Vivian into her lap and pointed up, telling her about how far away everything was, but how small the universe really was. And Holly did not correct Gail, which meant the goofy blonde was correct. That was far less rare than people seemed to think. After all, Gail hung on Holly's every word.

Together, they watched the beauty and majesty of the universe on the deck.

"This is nice," said Parker, curled against Vivian, bringing her back to the here and now. Her voice was a little blurred, in the nice way a person got when just a bit drunk.

"The deck?"

"All of it. It's a nice place to unplug. And good company."

"We live together, I should hope so."

Parker laughed. "You've never been what I expected."

"Hm. Is that good?"

"Very much. Pecks are scary. You're ... competent and terrifying."

Vivian tried to make sense of that for a moment. "Thank you?"

"It's a compliment." Parker poked Vivian's ribs. "You're crazy good at what you do, and you can scare the bejesus out of people by looming. Smart. Sexy. Funny. I think I hit the jackpot."

"Careful," she teased. "I might think you're serious."

"What if I was?"

Looking down at the top of Parker's head, Vivian felt her thought train derail. What was more serious than what they had? There was really only one thing left. "Oh?" Her response was terrible, she knew it, but Vivian didn't trust herself with more just yet.

"I do not have a ring, don't get scared," said Parker, dryly but with humour. "I don't move that fast."

"It took you until after we lived together to say you loved me," Vivian pointed out. "Are you sure you're a lesbian?"

"Ugh, very sure." Parker laughed warmly and sat up. "Would you ever? Get married again, I mean."

"Well. I don't want any more kids." Vivian tucked her hands under her head and looked at Parker, her face framed by the moonlight and stars. "But yeah, maybe."

"Yeah maybe." Parker mimicked her to mock her.

"Says the woman who's never been married."

"I never saw myself wanting to be with someone forever."

Vivian arched her eyebrows. "Forever is a long time. And it doesn't always happen."

"Sure it does. You and Jamie are forever."

Once, just once, Vivian had heard Gail describe falling in love with Holly to be akin to having her guts splattered on the wall. It was clearly a reference to being shot, which no doubt Gail had been by then. Vivian was sure the Pecks made the kids get tased, maced, pepper sprayed, and probably shot with a vest on. Life experiences and all that.

But she'd never understood the metaphor. Vivian actually had been shot. Twice. She'd been blown up once. Stabbed even. That was just what her life had been. And to equate those moments where the world froze for a split second and then everything hurt to being in love? It made no sense to her as a teen or an adult.

It did now.

As she looked up at Parker, Vivian felt like Gail's last lesson finally took root.

Love wasn't simple. Love was messy and complicated and yet that moment when someone understood... All those dark places inside Vivian made sense. All the broken pieces filled in. All the pain was still there, but she didn't feel alone.

Because Parker understood the most important thing. She understood that Jamie and Vivian were forever together. They were parents, but beyond that they loved each other deeply and cared about each other. Just not romantically anymore.

And more important, perhaps, Parker was okay with it.

"I would say yes," said Vivian softly, the truth finding itself without any help.

And in the dark night sky, Parker grinned a smile that warmed her soul.


Squinting down the line, Vivian grumbled. "I swear to god, if he calls me 'grandma ninja' one more time, I will pop him." When Lane and Parker laughed at her, she added, "I'm not fucking joking."

"Babe, stop threatening the news report." Parker reached over and fixed the number pinned to her shirt. "Okay? Remember. Don't give a shit about them. Just have fun."

Vivian rolled her eyes. "This is stupid. And annoying. It's the polar opposite of 'fun' in any definition."

Her girlfriend eyed her son. "She's really like this all the time, huh?"

Lane nodded, seriously. "Oh, please don't ask her about the time Dame Bonnie Wright lost the Oscar."

"She was robbed, and you know it!"

Lane sighed. "Mom avoidance 101. When frustrated with something she can't fix, she bitches." He bounced on his feet and stretched. "Come on, Mom. This is going to be hilariously stupid and we can make fun of everyone who wipes out."

With a loud huff, Vivian shook her head. "You say that now. You're totally going down on the curtain slider."

The competition was Parker's fault. In the summer, two years before, they'd all trucked up to the cabin for some quiet family time. Of course girlfriends and partners had come along. Lane's fiancé and their twins (a boy and a girl), and Ty and Trinh's brood of three, and Vivian and Parker. It was a weird mix, she had to admit. The room shuffling had been amusing, but in the end the kids stayed with their parents or in the tiny house, and Vivian remained in the master.

She'd actually liked that room better than the one of her childhood, Gail's room. The bed in the downstairs room looked out over the lake and the sun hit it early in the morning. In the master, the sun was a little later, and the view was of the trees. When she'd gone for a run at dawn, though, Parker had complained that Vivian needed to give the ninja warrior shit a rest. That had sparked Lane's interest, asking when Vivian had started that up again.

Before she knew it, Vivian and Lane were going to the gym together to practice. She'd been incredibly casual about it, but it took little time to get back into free running shape. Then Parker informed them that they were starting up the TV show again, with tryouts in Canada, and she thought Lane and Vivian should apply.

As soon as Trinh heard about it, the game was up, and they made their videos and sent them in. Unlike the tryouts Vivian had failed at years before, the video this time was professional quality and Parker made sure to write it up well.

A mother/son pairing. Both cops. Both adopted. It was a human interest story. It didn't hurt that the tryouts were the week before the stupid pride parade. So now there they were, going to compete, and her ex-wife and her girlfriend were making her smile and be nice.

"I hate you both," she told Parker after smiling for the millionth photo.

"Hush." Parker leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"You're whipped, Peck," said Jamie, highly amused.

"Who invited you anyway?" Vivian rolled her eyes and Parker slapped her arm.

"Behave," ordered Parker.

"Oh that's a lost cause, Parks," Jamie interjected. "Come on, let's find our seats."

"Kick ass." And Parker gave her one last kiss.

"There's no ass on this thing to kick!"

The line laughed as Parker left, and the guy in front of them turned around. "Family, man. Am I right?"

Vivian rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I agreed to this shit."

"Mom said she'll never let you hear the end of this if you don't make top 100."

"Your mother is a dick. Just because she came in third." A million years ago, Jamie had competed in a firefighter competition. She still rubbed it in from time to time.

Lane laughed. "No swearing on camera, Mom."

"Will they disqualify me?"

"Mom! Come on, you're a great human interest story."

Sadly, she knew Lane was right. He went first, announced as the son of another competitor, racing later. His public backstory was straight forward. Adopted. Had a fiancé now and twins. Was a cop. They played his drama story on the big screen while he bounced on his toes at the starting line. And, as Vivian had predicted, he nearly went out on the curtain slider. Somehow he recovered and made it through.

Two more people went (an accountant who had survived cancer and a young firefighter she knew). Then it was her turn.

"Up next," said the announcer. "Grandma Ninja."

"Asshole," muttered Vivian.

"A mother, a grandmother, and a police officer. When we asked our next competitor how many generations of policing came before her, she said she'd never bothered to count that high. Vivian Peck is a police superintendent, in charge of internal affairs. She's been an officer for almost forty years, serving a good piece of that in ETF. That's right, folks. She ran into buildings and took out bombs." There was mixed cheering and hooting. "Let's see how she tackles the course tonight."

The other announcer picked up the thread. "Well, Mike, she has her work cut out for her. Now, Vivian's taller than a lot of our other female competitors, and she has a good height to weight ratio, but does she have the upper body strength to complete the course, and be our first female finisher of the night and the oldest female finisher ever?"

Vivian raised her hand and stepped up to the line. Glancing to the side, she saw her cheering section, with everyone from Matty and Christian down to the grandkids. Even Jamie and her wife were there, holding up signs. Lane was on the sidelines with the other people who had completed the course. And down there, wearing her work outfit because she'd had no time to change after an interview with the American Vice President, was her girlfriend Parker, hooting like a fool.

With a grin, Vivian shouted to her son. "Hey! Lane! What's your time?"

"Four thirty six," he shouted back.

"Kick his ass!" Parker's voice was unmistakable.

Some of the spectators laughed, but Vivian zoned out and ignored everything except the timer. Finish the course in under four minutes. No sweat.

Three. Two. One.

Go.


And they all did live happily ever after.