A/N: This is a crosspost from AO3, where I post under the same name. This is a gift fic for Acxa as part of the Holy Server Batman! server review event, who asked for Jason, Tim and Cass being idiot chaos siblings. Hope you enjoy!
Title from No Glory in the West by Orville Peck.
"Why," said Jason, with all the agony he could muster, "Am I here."
"Because you're our brother, and we love you, and didn't want you to be left alone," chirped Tim, surprisingly cheerful for someone being dangled upside down off an old, crumbling balcony that could collapse any second.
Cass smirked and nodded, letting go of one of Tim's ankles to throw Jason a thumbs up. With only one hand holding him in place, Tim slipped forward abruptly and let out a shriek. Cass hastily grabbed for Tim's other ankle before he slipped off the edge entirely.
"Little warning next time, Cass?" his voice echoed tersely. "I could've dropped my camera."
Cass winced. "Sorry," she said, and adjusted her grip on his ankles.
Jason let out a harsh sigh, and thunked his head against the desiccated wooden wall he was leaning against, hurriedly straightening when it let out a disconcerting creak. "See, this is the exact reason why I said this shit was a bad idea, but none of you listen to me," he grumbled.
"We did listen," started Cass.
"And decided we'd do it anyway," finished Tim, flipping back up onto the solid surface and immediately fiddling with his camera. "I thought you enjoyed urban exploration, anyway?"
"Yeah," said Jason reluctantly, "But I had plans for tonight."
Cass rolled her eyes. "Your plans were reading a book and watching, um—" she clicked her fingers for a moment, frustration clouding her face.
"Telenovelas," Tim piped up.
"Telenovelas," Cass said, pronouncing the word carefully. "Boring. Better to come with us."
"C'mon," whined Tim, "This is our first night without overbearing, overprotective Bruce in ages. Don't you want to have fun for once?"
Jason's idea of fun was, in fact, a quiet night in with a good book and a telenovela for background noise. He'd been flat out with a difficult case for weeks, and with Batman out of town, this was his first proper chance to relax in a while. He'd stopped by the Manor to peruse the library, and hadn't expected the ambush from his fellow middle siblings, nor did he expect them to drag him out to a long abandoned and derelict mansion on the edge of Gotham to explore.
Jason kicked a rock and watched it skitter past Tim and off the balcony onto the ancient theatre below. He'd had a peek earlier; supposedly Tim thought rotten, dusty seats had artistic value. Jason preferred theatres that still performed Shakespeare. "Don't get why you wanted to come out here, anyway," he said.
"For the aesthetic," said Tim with a shrug. "It's good for photography."
Cass picked up a spider that was lurking on a nearby web, and let it crawl across her hand. "It's spooky. Haunted. I like it," she said, grinning as both Tim and Jason cringed away.
Spooky fit the building to a T. Dead vines snaked across the exposed charcoal brick exterior, clinging to the crumbling mortar, and overgrown brambles cloistered around the entryway, the well-worn steps covered in a layer of dirt from the decaying wooden beams overhead. Inside, the once-opulent cornices were hidden behind clusters of spider webs heavy with dust, the rotted wallpaper peeling away from sagging walls that were more black mold than plaster.
It would have been a grand estate once, but in its state of disrepair it better suited the set of a horror flick. The stairways had been eaten away with time, the moth-eaten carpet runners covering the decay reduced to mere threads, meaning any wrong step would result in a quick introduction to the previous floor with accompanying splinters the size of a forearm.
In other words, it was the exact sort of building the bats usually gravitated to, but without any of their vigilante gear or his helmet, Jason wasn't willing to take any chances.
Tim and Cass were far less reluctant. Apparently done with their exploration of the current room, they were already moving into the darkened hallway. Jason followed, carefully picking his way across the floor and not liking how it groaned under his weight. Tim and Cass were lucky; at least half his weight, the two were much less likely to have an untimely meeting with gravity.
He wondered if it was worth texting Dick, currently over in Blüdhaven with Damian, to warn him that tonight might end in major bodily harm.
Following Cass' silhouette around a corner, Jason stooped beneath the broken lintel after his siblings and stopped dead.
"Behold!" said Cass with a flourish and a shit-eating grin. "Our goal."
Jason paused. "Are you fucking shitting me," he said flatly.
The doorway opened up onto a small room with yet another balcony, but instead of a theatre, it overlooked a massive ballroom. The moon had broken through the perpetual Gotham clouds, illuminating the dust motes dancing in the evening breeze. What stood out most, though, was the zip line strung along the length of the room, disappearing out through a collapsed wall into the grounds beyond.
Cass giggled at Jason's boggled expression.
The fluttering click of Tim's camera shutter brought Jason out of his stupor.
"A zip line," said Jason, incredulous. "A goddamn zip line. Why the fuck is it here." Weren't they usually strung up between trees or across a safely calculated slope? Or, God forbid, slung between buildings by a well-trained vigilante?
Jason was positively baffled by the sight. He was more mystified by the zip line's presence than he was by his miraculous return to life.
Cass shrugged, a playful grin spreading across her face, eyes sparkling. "Don't know. Let's try it."
"This is a terrible idea," hissed Jason, watching as Tim checked the tension of the cable with a few tugs. The line billowed, almost hypnotizing in its undulation.
Cass skipped over to Jason and elbowed him in the soft part of his gut. He let out a grunt.
"You should try," she said, glancing up at him from beneath her eyelashes.
Jason looked steadfastly ahead, refusing to fall for her tricks. She must've been taking puppy-dog-eye lessons from Tim, the little shit. "Absolutely-fucking-not."
"Come on," Cass wheedled. "I tested it with Steph. Totally safe. No issues."
Jason slowly looked down to level her with a flat look. "Pardon me for not taking your word about the shenanigans you and Blondie get up to."
Cass opened her mouth to reply when Tim called, "She's all set up!" and waved the two over.
Cass danced over to the balcony, while Jason followed more reluctantly.
Tim had untied the swing from the balcony and triple-checked the knots, the guide rope slung over his shoulder. Cass gave the rig her own nod of approval.
Jason eyed the structure dubiously. "You sure this is safe?" he asked.
Tim waved away Jason's concerns. "Cassie says it's fine, so it probably is. Honestly, family game night with Longest Monopoly Ever has got to be more dangerous than this, anyway. Never again," he said with a shudder.
Jason and Cass shared a grimace. "Never again," they replied solemnly.
They stood in silence for a moment, remembering the board game everyone—Bruce and Alfred included—had burned and salted and buried somewhere beneath the Wayne Manor lawn.
"Anyway," Cass clapped her hands to interrupt their reverie, "Who goes first? Jason?" she asked sneakily.
He let out a bark of laughter. "Fuck no. If you and Timbers want to die on this contraption, please, be my guest," Jason said with an expansive gesture.
Tim rolled his eyes at Jason's dramatics. "I'll go first then, if you're not game," he said.
Tim passed his camera bag over to Jason, and shared a fist bump with Cass. "See you on the other side," he said with a grin, and hopped over the railing.
"This is so not OSHA-compliant," Jason muttered as Tim seated himself on the sling, kicking off the balcony with his battered converse.
He let out a whoop as he flew down the cable, and in moments he was through the wall and out of sight. Jason was ready to dismiss his reservations about the zip line when a loud yelp came from the open wall, the cable rippling wildly.
"Oh no," gasped Cass, and sprinted back the way they came.
Jason cursed and followed, fears of falling through the rotten floor all but forgotten.
They found Tim slumped against a tree, clutching his wrist to his chest.
"Please don't say 'I told you so'," he said pitifully.
Cass was crouched by his side in an instant, patting his hair gently. "Did you break it?" she asked, voice heavy with concern.
Tim pressed his head into her hand, features contorted with pain. "Yup. Something definitely snapped."
Cass clicked her tongue. "Let me see," she said.
From where he hovered over the two, Jason watched as Cass carefully drew Tim's hand away from the break to get a better look. His right wrist was at an awkward angle, skin red and beginning to swell.
Jason winced. "That doesn't look good, baby bird," he said sympathetically.
Cass hummed in agreement, and stood back to help Tim balance as he staggered to his feet. He went gray and let out a pained moan as the movement jostled the break.
Jason was quick to prop Tim up before he could stumble again and further aggravate the break. "Woah there," he said quietly, tucking Tim into his side. "Let's get you back to the car, kid."
Cass moved to Jason's side and slid the camera bag off his shoulder. "Yep. Car, then hospital. I'll drive, I'm quicker," she said, spinning the key ring on her finger.
"Quickest, and most dangerous," Jason muttered at the same time Tim cried, "What? Why not Leslie's?"
"It's a Tuesday, so Leslie's clinic is closed," Jason said, not unkindly.
"Nooo," whined Tim, "There might be paparazzi. If they find out how this happened my cool CEO persona will be in shatters."
Cass snorted. "You're not even the CEO. You're like an intern now," she said, unlocking the car with a click of the key-fob.
"Doesn't mean they won't tease me about it," Tim said woefully, slumping into the back seat once Jason opened the door.
Jason chuckled and slid in after him, buckling Tim's seatbelt into place. "Just wait until Damian finds out."
Tim was silent, but when Jason looked to his brother and saw the horrified look on his face he burst into laughter, Cass joining a moment later after glancing at them through the rear-view mirror. Though his broken wrist clearly pained him, Tim cracked a few moments later, and they were all still giggling by the time they made it to the hospital waiting room.
Sat with his siblings on crappy plastic chairs as they waited for the nurse, Jason's initial annoyance at being taken away from a quiet night in was long forgotten.
