Disclaimer: The list and Bree are mine. Everything else is not.


17. I may not raid the kitchens in preparation for the "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse."

18. I mat not stockpile weapons under my bed in preparation for the "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse."

19. I may not write up a Hogwarts Emergency plan for the "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse."

20. I may not pass out pamphlets with details about the "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse."

21. I may not tell people that Harry didn't survive the killing curse and is in fact a Zombie.

22. I can not make a list of those most likely to die first when the "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse" strikes.

23. I can not make a list of those most likely to survive the "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse."

24. There is no "Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse."


It was now Bree's third year at Hogwarts and before coming to school that year she had made the mistake of watching a zombie horror flick and was now rather… shall we say, obsessed. Granted, no one in her house noticed her odd behavior because she was already rather odd in the first place. At least, no one noticed right away.


It was mid-October, everyone was looking forward to the Halloween festivities, though there was a slight tension in the air due to the escape of Sirius Black, along with some confusion because some of the suits of armor were missing there weapons.

In the Gryffindor girl's dorm Hermione wasn't thinking about any of that. This was because she had woken up after nearly suffocating under a furry body, at first she thought it was her cat, Crookshanks. Then she realized it was too small to be Crookshanks and was if fact Bree's cat, Muffin. She picked the small feline up and stomped over to Bree's bed. The blond was fast asleep. She put Muffin on the bed then shook Bree awake.

"Wha? Hermione. What is it?" the still half asleep girl muttered.

"Your cat tried to kill me." Hermione stated.

"What?" Bree asked incredulously.

"She came over to my bed a decided to sleep on my face!" Hermione exclaimed.

Bree rolled her eyes. "She did that to me earlier, so kicked her off."

Hermione frowned. "Usually she goes under your bed when you do that." The bushy haired hair pointed out.

"She won't fit." The blond stated as if it was obvious.

Hermione looked at the cat in question, then back at Bree. "She's tiny, what do you mean she won't fit!"

Bree sighed. "There's no room, not with all the stuff down there."

"What stuff?" Hermione asked in confusion, the only things Bree usually had under her bed were Muffin's cat toys.

"Supplies." Bree explained.

Sensing that she wasn't going to get more of an answer, Hermione took a look for herself. She stared in confusion for a minute, before looking back at Bree.

"Bree," she began, a bit shocked and how surreal the situation was, "why are there medieval weapons and jars of food under your bed?"

"Well you can't honestly expect me to go unprepared for the Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse." Bree stated. Before rolling over and going back to sleep.

Hermione stared for a minute, then went back to bed hoping things would make more sense in the morning.


As it turned out things had not made anymore sense in the morning, so Hermione informed McGonagall of what was going on. The head of Gryffindor House found out that Bree had asked the house elves for non-perishable food items, which explained the jars of fruit preserves and pickles, and had taken some of the weapons from the suits of armor. But in addition to the pilfered weapons there were also two fire extinguishers, two baseball bats(one wood, one metal), a fireman's axe, and The Zombie Survival Guide. The food was returned to the kitchens, the weapons returned to the suits of armor, and the axe was confiscated. Bree was however, allowed to keep the bats, fire extinguishers, and The Zombie Survival Guide.


The next day Harry and Ron found Bree in the library. She was looking alternating between reading a book, and writing down notes.

"Working on your assignments?" Harry questioned, Bree was rather intelligent, in her own insane way. Maybe she be willing to help them with there assignments, as Hermione had been unwilling to.

Bree looked up. "Hm? Oh, no. I finished that already. This is my own project." she answered.

"You're doing extra work voluntarily!" Ron exclaimed, as if it was the most horrendous act in the world.

Bree shrugged. "Well, it's for safety's sake." she explained.

"Safety?" Ron repeated, confused.

Harry looked over Bree's shoulder in order to see what she was writing. "Hogwarts Emergency Plan: In Case of The Undead" was the title. Harry drew back.

"You know what Ron, I think we're better off not knowing."


Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting alone in the common room, discussing Sirius Black, the Hogsmade weekends, and whether or not it would be safer for Harry to stay at the castle during them, when Bree walked in. She was holding some pamphlets. She spotted the three friends and walked over to them. She handed them each a pamphlet, then walked back out if the common room, presumably to hand out more.

The three left in the common room each looked at their pamphlet. They were titled "The Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse: What You Need To Know In Order To Avoid Becoming Zombie Chow." Hermione sighed, then got up.

"Where are you going?"

"To get Professor McGonagall."


A few days later, in the great hall, Harry was receiving some odd looks.

"Why are they looking at me like that?" Harry whispered to Ron.

Ron shrugged. "I dunno mate. Maybe it has something to do with Black?"

"So you two haven't heard?" came the voice of one of the twins from behind them.

Harry and Rom turned around to face Fred and George. "Haven't heard what?" Harry asked them.

"Why the latest rumor about our dear ickle Harrykins of course." answered Fred.

"Apparently Harry didn't survive the killing curse at all." explained George.

"If I didn't survive then how am I here?" Harry questioned.

"You came back from the dead as a Zombie of course." both twins stated at once.

Harry got up and began to exit the hall. "Harry, where are you going?" Ron asked, confused.

"To talk to Bree." was Harry's explaination.


The next day there were two list posted on the doors to the Great Hall one was "A List of those most liking to die in the Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse." The other was "A List of those most liking to survive the Upcoming Zombie Apocalypse." Next to the names were reasons why they would either live or die.

Draco was outraged to be on the most likely to die list because he was too dependent on other people. The Weasely twins were happy to be on the survive list. Apparently they were "mad geniuses." After it was discovered that Snape was on the survive list because "no one would ever want to consume that much grease, undead or otherwise", both list were taken down and Bree was given detention.


So, is Bree crazy, or is she just trying to distract people from the potential threat looming over their heads? Review please.